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NOVEMBER 2015

SHARPMAGAZINE.COM

So Fresh and So Clean!

THE 2015 ENCYCLOPEDIA OF GROOMING

Bryan Cranston Is Ready FRAUD, JAMES FRAUD The Bizarre World of 007 Rip-offs

20 Reasons to Love Hockey This Season

GIVE ME SOME SKIN! Get Into

Something Leather Right Now Badass Bollywood Beauty PRIYANKA CHOPRA

How to Build a NEW MEDIA EMPIRE

Editor’s Letter The Power in Portmanteaus

I

The Sharp Magazine Show is now on SiriusXM Canada Talks (channel 167) every Sunday at 8 p.m. Hosted by myself and Ward Anderson (of SiriusXM’s Ward and Al), it’s yet another chance to enjoy everything you love about Sharp, in a funny, conversational format.

You can also download all of the episodes at SHARPMAGAZINE.COM/SHARPSHOW.

GREG HUDSON Editor-in-Chief

FOR MORE INFORMAT ION ON HOW T O SUPPORT MOVEMBER GO T O CA. MOVEMBER. C OM

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Photo: Matt Barnes

Sharp is on the air

HAVE LITTLE PATIENCE for man-centric portmanteaus — words like manscaping or bromance. I find them condescending, as if the only way men will take interest in something new is if it’s explicitly about them. Too often, it’s a lazy way of marketing. This is part of the reason I’ve been wary of Movember.

The other reason I resisted the pull of Movember, wherein men raise money and awareness for prostate cancer by growing moustaches, is because it became so popular that the process overshadowed the purpose. Men would post their semi-ironic soup strainers on social media, and shout Movember without raising any money.

But, I’m here to repent. (At least when it comes to Movember.

Silly portmanteaus can still go to hell.)

This year, Movember is widening its scope to include mental health issues, specifically for men, which is something that’s very important to me. It’s a cause where awareness isn’t just a buzzword — awareness is a huge part of the solution. My lack of empathy doesn’t make me proud, but it’s a sad fact that it’s easier to get behind a cause when it affects you personally.

Recently, I was diagnosed with ADHD — which, granted, does not carry the same stigma as the other mental health issues that Movember is talking about, like depression and anxiety. But, like those other invisible conditions, an inability to focus seems like something a man should be able to take care of on his own.

Just exercise more discipline. Just work harder. Just be happier.

Don’t worry so much. Be a man, dammit.

Because the pharmaceutical solution to ADHD is so easy to abuse, especially by people without the condition, getting diagnosed is a lengthy and expensive process. Going through it reminded me how hard it can be for men to speak up about problems that aren’t easily seen. Somewhere in the communication between my family doctor and the clinic responsible for diagnosing me, I fell through the cracks, not able to get any answers from either side. There were plenty of follow-ups to previous followups. Interesting fact: men don’t typically love having to admit weakness over and over. It’s easier just to ignore the problem.

So, while I’m still lodged somewhere in a Catch-22 of the mental health system, I’m supporting Movember, because if it can help other men feel more comfortable speaking up about difficult issues — especially issues that can, and tragically often do, lead to suicide (and not just blown deadlines or a severe distaste for meetings, like my ADHD) — then it’s literally saving lives. And, if they find a cure for prostate cancer while they’re at it, that’s probably not a bad thing, either. I’m still not growing a moustache though.

Contents ContentsNovember June/July 2015 F E AT U R E S F E AT U R E S

88 120 AUTOMOTIVE

ACHIEVEMENT NOBODY AWARDS PUTS BRYAN CRANSTON Yes, the car IN A BOX industry is The star ofbut changing, Trumbo just wants that doesn’t mean to allget thedown fun isto work.

Andfrom theseit. gone—far days, lots Here there’s are all of the for him to reasons wedo. still love cars this year.

124 BOLLYWOOD CALLING 100

Priyanka THE TOWER Chopra OF is theTATUM most Channing famous woman Tatum is good on the Indian at whatever he subcontinent. decides to got do.

Now she’s Acting, Dancing, her sights set on Fatherhood, North America. and,about apparently, It’s time. playing Jenga.

Sadly, they don’t THE SHARP give out Oscars GUIDE TO for Jenga.

120

134

Outrage makes the Internet go round. Michael Rowe explores why we’re all so addicted to getting pissed off at strangers.

It’s the time for holiday parties— and party outfits.

The kind that get noticed, even if you happen to be standing next to a beautiful woman in lingerie.

YOU MAD?

JACKET UP

120

THE DARK KNIGHT

Sir Ben Kingsley takes time out of his busy knightschedule to show you how to wear the hell out of this season’s slickest contemporary clothes.

150

COLUMNS

HOCKEY

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116

170

Shaughnessy Bishop-Stall learns about self-restraint by taking a full-on vow of abstinence — from food.

GROOMING

An A to Z guide to taking care of your body, hair and face.

FATHERHOOD

118

THE RELUCTANT FANATIC

Nick HuneBrown explores the precarious relationship between professional sports and professional politics.

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124 126 PRIYANKA CHOPRA THE DARK KNIGHT

Photo: Brian Ypperciel

The game’s best players. The THE SHARP teams to watch.

LISTstories to talk The MaybeEverything you think about. you need don’tto need you know any gifts about thethis new season.

This year’s NHL season.

Sharp List will change that. 49 THE things2015 every man ENCYCLOneeds, even if he PEDIA OF it. doesn’t know

Contents November 2015 GUIDE

54

76

Fear the Walking Dead’s Mercedes Mason likes to play pranks. You should let her.

How to enjoy a nice cold glass of saké.

VICES

78

HEALTH

56

Andrew W.K. on God, death and partying really hard.

Fighter pilots have to withstand body-melting G-forces — so they know something about working out.

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80

New novels from John Irving and Ian Rankin, two of the all-time greats.

Inside the evergrowing world of new media conglomerates.

A MAN WORTH LISTENING TO

BOOKS

HOW TO BUILD AN EMPIRE

62

84

The strange story of Eagles of Death Metal’s Jesse Hughes.

What we talk about when we talk about midcentury modern.

MUSIC

DESIGN

65

88

TECH

THE NAME’S STILL BOND

Ambient tech is all around us.

That can’t be good, right?

71

TRAVEL

More than just Guinness and cobblestone streets, Dublin has been reborn as a traveller’s mecca.

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FOOD

Our food columnist, Model Milk’s Justin Leboe, on why everything old is new again.

Including pickles.

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We take an in-depth look at Bond as you don’t know him: the unauthorized versions, the behind-thescenes style, the theme songs that never were. Plus, we have words with our all-time favourite Bond: Pierce Brosnan.

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AUTOS

The Sedan Issue.

Featuring: Audi, BMW, Jaguar and more.

Photo: Raina + Wilson. Cashmere beanie ($135) by Alex Mill, at Gravity Pope; leather trench coat ($3,695) by Burberry London, at Harry Rosen; wool-mohair blend sweater ($650) by Burberry Brit.

WOMEN

Contents ContentsNovember June/July 2015 F E AT U R E S

AUTOMOTIVE ACHIEVEMENT AWARDS Yes, the car industry is changing, but that doesn’t mean all the fun is gone—far from it.

Here are all of the reasons we still love cars this year.

100

THE TOWER OF TATUM

Channing Tatum is good at whatever he decides to do.

Acting, Dancing, Fatherhood, S T Y apparently, LE and, playing Jenga.

Sadly, they don’t PATCH give out Oscars POCKETS for Jenga.

Why you should find a blazer that has some.

120

134

Outrage makes the Internet go round. Michael Rowe explores why we’re all so addicted to getting pissed off at strangers.

It’s the time for holiday parties— and party outfits.

The kind that get noticed, even if you happen to be standing next to a beautiful woman in lingerie.

YOU MAD?

JACKET UP

120

THE DARK KNIGHT

Sir Ben Kingsley takes time out of his busy knightschedule to show you how to wear the hell out of this season’s slickest contemporary clothes.

94

104 THE SHARP LIST 96

LEATHER Maybe you think

It’s the youfinally don’t need right timethis of year any gifts for it. But there season.

This year’s are a couple of Sharp List will rules to keep in change that. 49 mind thingsfirst. every man needs, even if he doesn’t know it.

100

SPORTING LIFE

These collaborations between fashion and sports brands are nothing short of a home run.

133

INTO THE DEEP

We take this fall’s best blue suits where no suit has gone before: underwater.

146

WATCHES

In praise of the effortless style of brown dial watches.

162

TOUCH AND GO

A whole bunch of looks you’ll want to reach out and feel for yourself.

126 133 BLUE SUITS THE DARK KNIGHT

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Photo: Matt Barnes. Wool double-breasted suit ($3,450), cotton shirt ($595), silk tie ($215) and silk pocket square ($215) by Louis Vuitton; Tudor Pelagos watch ($4,770).

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Man About Town

Sharp: The Book For Men Fall/ Winter 2015 Launch Party A whirlwind of impeccable style, revelry and opulence that would make Gatsby proud. No one expected anything less from the Sharp: The Book For Men Fall/Winter 2015 Launch Party. And, of course, expectations were exceeded.

Over 800 of Canada’s business luminaries, sports stars and fashion innovators swarmed the trading floor of The Design Exchange — the country’s only design museum and former home of the Toronto Stock Exchange — to toast the 11th edition of the gentleman’s guide. Not even the Toronto International Film Festival, happening at the same time, could keep the city’s most beautiful people away.

In the main room, Audi showcased their jaw-dropping 2016 TT, American Crew provided on-site grooming touch-ups, Air Canada offered the chance to win two business-class tickets to Dubai, Tiger of Sweden hosted a photo-booth-giveaway contest and Prada showed off

>

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Man About Town

their newest fragrance, Luna Rossa Sport. Attendees were kept well fed by the waitstaff, circulating with delectable appetizers courtesy of Toben Food by Design.

Libations flowed generously, with Peroni, RĂŠmy Martin, Woodford Reserve and Mount Gay on hand.

Up the marble staircase, The Balvenie brought pages of the Book For Men to life, transforming the gallery space into a home for The Craftsmen Series, where Canada’s finest artisans put on a master class in artistry.

Andrew Poulsen, top hand behind Bespoke Butchers, displayed his exceptional cuts of heritage-bred animals; knife slinger Tom McLean of SHARPANDSHINYSHOP showed off his Jamie Oliver-approved custom knife handles; David Himel of Himel Brothers Leather Co. showcased his vintage leather apparel; and Mike Barneveld of Square Peg Designs exhibited his industrial chic furniture and accessories. All the while, The Balvenie provided a guided tasting of the good stuff, straight from the whiskey barrel.

In the S/ Style Lounge, GUESS Connect and Bandiera Jewellers provided copious eye candy, while Charles Heidsieck poured champagne to keep the conversations sparkling. Clearly, there was much to discuss.

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LOOK BETTER FEEL BETTER KNOW MORE

Guide

This Pen is Mightier

VEN IN THIS AGE of touchscreens and tablets, and its associated barrage of note-taking or Dictaphone apps, a man will always have cause to write things down. And because it is increasingly rare, that act should be sacred — savoured with the use of a very good pen. For example: the OMAS 360 Vintage Limited Edition. It’s uniquely designed with a triangular body, thereby maximizing comfort. It’s also light, made of high-quality marble-patterned celluloid that makes whisking cursive letters across the page (strewn, no less, from an 18K gold ruthenium tip) an absolute joy. Which, we bet, is more than you can say about even the newest iPad.

E

O M A S 3 6 0 V I N T A G E L I M I T E D E D I T I O N P E N ( $ 1 , 7 5 0 ) , A T L AY W I N E ’ S ; 1 1 5 0 C A S E ( $ 7 3 ) B Y P E L I C A N

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Photo: Liam Mogan.

November 2015

Guide

A WELCOME INTRODUCTION

Mercedes Mason Will prank you good

BY BIANCA TEIXEIRA

ERCEDES MASON has been screwing with her family and friends for decades. “When I was 15, I called my parents and told them I was pregnant,” she says.

“The year after that I had a friend call and say I was arrested for indecency. It was hilarious!” Even now, as an adult, her coworkers aren’t safe: Mason has a reputation for vandalizing trailers with silly string, Saran Wrap and streamers.

But pranking goes both ways, and when her agent called to tell her she’d landed the role of Ofelia Salazar on Fear the Walking Dead, she was convinced he was just exacting a little revenge. “I was such a fan of the original, I would have played a paper bag if they asked me,” she says. “A tree in the background? I’m in.” But, lucky for us, she did get a real part (not saying she wouldn’t have made a fantastic tree though). Her chances of surviving the zombie apocalypse are as good as any of her costars — which, on that show, is saying something. At least she sees the bright side of a zombie apocalypse: “I’d probably wake up a zombie. Then turn all my friends. It would be the ultimate prank.” Consider this fair warning.

Photo: Ben Miller

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Guide A MAN WORTH LISTENING TO

Andrew W.K. Is partying towards a higher truth

BY ALEX NINO GHECIU

Why are you so obsessed with partying?

I suppose no particular reason other than it seemed to be the most fun thing I could think of doing. Partying seemed like the most expansive yet direct way to get into the mindset that life was good. It’s really not so much a particular action as it is a mode of being.

Do you think we live in an anti-party era, where excess is frowned upon?

Not any more or less than ever before.

There’s always an aspect of culture that’s looking to restrain, and sometimes those are great things to consider, you know? You don’t have to turn away other points of view, even if you don’t agree with them. If your point of view is something you believe, then you should be able to consider other points of view, because it will ultimately reinforce why you choose to live the way you want to. That, in itself, is a worldview: to have many outlooks and to give people the freedom to think the way they want to think.

That reminds me of one of your Village Voice columns. A young man wrote you saying he couldn’t stand his dad for being “a right-wing asshole.” You told him he was failing to see his father as a human being.

O

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I find it interesting — and perplexing — that you’ve got your own radio show on Glenn Beck’s network. You don’t seem like the type to work with a right-wing blowhard. What’s up with that?

I was just invited to do it. I usually go where I’m invited and I wasn’t invited to do a radio show at any other place. I was very thankful for the opportunity. It actually seemed pretty wide open.

Photo: Jonathan Thorpe

N FIRST GLANCE, Andrew W.K. doesn’t seem like a deep thinker. Easily recognizable by his mucked-up all-white uniform and infamous bloody nose, he’s gained fame by being a party-rock superhero. When he’s on stage, thrashing about while belting simplistically ebullient anthems (“Party Hard,” “Party Til You Puke,” “Party Party Party”), he’s the human equivalent of a cymbal-banging monkey toy.

But then you hear the guy talk. He’s subdued, contemplative and spiritual. It makes you realize why W.K.’s now seen as a modern philosopher of sorts. Recently, he’s been making motivational speeches at Ivy League schools, penning an upcoming book (The Party Bible), providing guidance in a Village Voice advice column and — most bizarrely — hosting a free-form radio show about life on right-wing pundit Glenn Beck’s network, The Blaze. He’s a man with a message: live fully, laugh loudly and rage against the dying of the light.

Well, it can be easy to get lost in those ideas, those outlooks, those ways of life.

You get so caught up with how you’re looking at life that you forget you’re actually looking at life at all. It’s like being obsessed with binoculars. Which pair do you have? Is it the newest, most high-tech pair? Is it the fanciest? What colours can I get them in? You forget you’re supposed to be looking through them at something — and that thing is there whether you use binoculars or not. So, again, it’s important to get perspective, reset and try to return to a very pure place of general appreciation and respect for life itself. And then you can build back up.

Thoughts I have heard expressed on [The Blaze] have been pretty far-ranging and focused — to my own surprise — in a pretty inclusive tone. Certainly, if they’re willing to include me, they have to be inclusive, because I don’t know anything about most of the stuff they’re talking about. My show isn’t about governmental politics; it really isn’t even about what I’d consider current events. It’s trying to get to more basic, elemental topics about life in general.

“To me, life has always felt simultaneously like the best of times and the worst of times. Just consistently.

For as long as I can remember up to today.”

You’re such a hyper-positive dude. Do you ever get depressed?

Oh, yeah. Quite often, I’ve struggled with all kinds of moods and emotions and feelings and outlooks. My main motivation has been, and continues to be, to try to overcome those feelings.

My personal relationship with my work — whatever this is — is that it cheers me up. It makes me feel better about life and hopefully someone else out there gets that feeling from it. To me, life has always felt simultaneously like the best of times and the worst of times.

Just consistently. For as long as I can remember up to today.

Why?

Well, I didn’t make all this happen. No one knows where this life comes from.

It’s emerged from something. I guess it depends how you define God. But actually, in a very real way for me, death and that unknown — that’s God. And I don’t mean it is God as this being, it is God as being itself. The ability for anything to be; God is another word for that. It doesn’t need to be a person. It’s beyond comprehension. Some folks say it’s offensive to even try conceiving what the nature of God could ever be. It is all things and no things. Really, it’s a word to sum up all that can’t be summed up. It’s so beyond even the furthest extension of what we could ever possibly imagine and that’s just a beginning of a reflection of a shadow of a speck of what it really is. So, whether it’s the vastness of the universe or whether it’s the forces that are allowing

What’s at the root of that feeling?

I just think a terror and overwhelming reaction to the intensity of existing at all. Being alive is very intense and some people are able to navigate it very gracefully. Some people are completely destroyed by it quite quickly, and many folks are in a situation like mine, where it’s a bit of both at the same time.

Do you believe in God?

Oh, absolutely.

Cultural Equation

= Andrew W.K.

+ Tony Robbins

� Animal

Jesus

all these laws that we experience to occur, it’s a great placeholder word for all that is bigger than yourself. It can be music, the way you feel when you’re in love, eating good food, looking at a puppy dog or rolling around in soft grass. Something that makes you feel very certain that it is good to be alive.

And in a world that can seem very meaningless and very accidental, it is there, if you choose, to get a sense of purpose and destiny to this otherwise chaotic experience.

Well, what would you say is that purpose then? What’s the meaning of life, if there is one?

To find it in yourself, and you have to trust that it is in you. One of the strangest things about finding that meaning and that truth is actually believing that it’s already there. It’s so easy. It’s like the taste inside your own mouth. It’s so familiar that you almost don’t taste it anymore. So this part of yourself that is so familiar and so true and so pervasive, that’s the part of you that will teach you everything there is to know. And learning to trust in it and unleash it, and to amplify and to nurture it, I think is the path we’re meant to take; using all outside experience and all material experiences, all the day-to-day processes of life to build that inner you. And to party very hard is the best way I’ve found to bring that about and stay strong. Even when it seems impossible, just keep going.

Make a promise to yourself to not stop, because even when life is very hard, it doesn’t mean it’s bad.

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Guide BOOKS

True Detective Inside the mind of Ian Rankin, the literary man’s crime novelist B Y P E T E R S A LT S M A N

So why come back to Rebus? What is it about him you can’t kick?

Man, I wish I knew. When I wrote the first book, in 1985, I was studying literature at the University of Edinburgh. He just popped into my head one night as a fully formed character. It was meant to be a one-off. I had no interest in doing a series. But I came to the realization that a detective is a pretty good way of looking at society, because a cop has access to every layer of it. I wanted to write about Edinburgh, I wanted to write about social issues, and I thought a crime novel was a pretty good way of doing that.

How does detective fiction lend itself to studying social issues?

T’S HARD TO KNOW what to make of Ian Rankin. On the one hand, he’s a detective writer — the author of more than 30 books, almost all of them dealing with death and murder, with the dark and twisted underbelly of his hometown Edinburgh and with Detective Inspector John Rebus, a scraggly, hard-scrabble investigator who is, indisputably, one of fiction’s all-time great antiheroes.

On the other hand, Rankin is so much more than just a crime novelist, and his books so much more than trashy genre fiction. His name is always first in a list — one that inevitably includes the likes of Edgar Allan Poe or Wilkie Collins — of genre writers whose books occupy the same space as proper literature. They’re studied in university classes (Rankin himself spent three years pursuing a PhD on the author Muriel Spark before turning to writing full-time). They’re read by heads of state and members of various parliaments. And they’re just as concerned with social issues and the State of the World as anything by Franzen or Roth or Atwood. Plus, yeah, they’re smashing good reads. This month, Rankin releases Even Dogs in the Wild (Hachette), his 36th book and the 20th featuring Rebus. We caught up with the Scotsman at his home to find out what makes his worlds — the real one and the fictional one — keep ticking.

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The cliché is to say we’re all detectives trying to make sense of the world.

Writers become writers because they’re all trying to make sense of the world around them, to give it a shape and understand the big moral questions around them. If you want to reduce it, then crime fiction comes down to a very basic question, which is: why do humans keep doing bad things to each other? A lot of it comes down to the seven deadly sins. It’s the kind of stuff you find in the bible. Human beings are endlessly fascinated in questions of the moral and immoral. Good and evil.

By reading detective fiction, we get the kind of frisson of something very exciting, from the safety of our armchairs.

And at its best, I think crime fiction asks the reader big questions about the world as it is. I’m not saying we offer answers.

But we kind of flag up things in the world that we’re not too happy about.

Your books can get pretty dark — and eerily true to real-life headlines. Where does all that come from?

Usually it comes from people telling me stories, or seeing stuff in a newspaper.

I’ll go: what if that had happened in C O N T I N U E S O N P. 6 1

Guide BOOKS

C O N T I N U E D F R O M P. 5 8

Scotland? What does that say about society? Could be a story about the economy. Could be a story about refugees.

Sometimes ex-cops will tell me things.

My last book came about because I was going to a lot of retirement parties for cops, and people were telling stories about the ’70s and ’80s, when policing was very different, less politically correct, less paperwork.

The End is in Sight John Irving’s latest is a reminder that, yes, he’s still one of the greats

BY SUZANNAH SHOWLER

What’s your relationship to the cops?

Occasionally, because I know a lot of cops, sometimes they might slip me some information and I’ll let it slip onto Twitter. And it looks like I’m the first to know — before journalists or other cops know about it. There have been a few books where I’ve written something and a few years later it appeared to come true. And then people think you’ve got inside information. There’s one woman I bumped into in a supermarket and she wasn’t at all happy that Cafferty, my gangster, lived in the same neighbourhood as her. I think she was just worried that it’d bring down house prices.

But you don’t ever embed yourself and help solve crime?

I do occasionally — I mean very occasionally — get a letter from a fan saying something like: my brother was murdered and the police haven’t done a good job of investigating it, can you help me?

And I go no, of course not, you don’t want a fiction writer for that. But it’s painful to think there are people out there who think you’re their last resort.

Stephen King recently wrote an op-ed in The New York Times about being a prolific genre writer. He essentially called literary novelists like Jonathan Franzen lazy for taking so long. Do you agree?

Absolutely! If you get genre writers together in a room we all tease literary authors. How could it possibly take 10 years to write a book? Like, come on. If you’re writing crime or science fiction or whatever, you’re supposed to write a book a year. And we do it. And I enjoy doing it! But as a reader, there’s nothing better than discovering a new writer or a new series and you know you’re only at book one and there’s another 16 after it. You can just lose yourself in that world.

OHN IRVING — THE AUTHOR OF 19 BOOKS, most of which you’ve probably read, or meant to before seeing the movie version — is famous for composing the last sentence of a novel first, then writing for hours, every damn day, until he gets back to it. He knows what it’s like to stare down an ending, then work harder and longer than anyone until he gets there.

So with wrestling, a sport he competed in until his mid-30s and kept at recreationally for another three decades (and which, not incidentally, pops up in several of his works), Irving recognized his finish when it came. He was just a bit surprised to have his finger stuck up another man’s nose when it did.

Irving was 62, and he’d promised his wife he’d give up grappling the next time he got hurt — really hurt, he meant, not some little thing, like a few stitches to the face. Relieved to find himself knuckle-deep in nostril rather than eyeball, it wasn’t until he was mopping up his sparring partner’s blood (“he was a bleeder,” he explains) that Irving noticed his index finger stuck at a right angle. He knew then it was over. He’d snapped a tendon in his hand — his writing hand. He’d be splinted, sidelined from his eight-hour-aday, seven-day-a-week longhand habit for weeks. And wrestling? Done.

Now 73, he describes this as an “ignominious end.” But it’s a story that tells you what John Irving is all about: devotion to family, incredible discipline and endurance, a sense of humour so deadpan it can be easy to miss in all the tough, honest, old-school seriousness.

Though he’s reluctant to be rounded up as part of any national literature, Irving’s novels can be placed in a genealogy among others with Great American leanings — a kind of holdover from the days of Cheever and Mailer, a predecessor to the likes of Jonathan Franzen or Michael Chabon.

His end-first writing method makes for books that move like birds with a homing instinct, finding their way towards ancestral territory felt in their very DNA. This sense of inevitability is not to be mistaken for predictability. A John Irving novel may know where it’s going, but the path plotted to get there is always big, baroque and delightfully weird.

Irving’s latest book and 14th novel, Avenue of Mysteries (Random House), is no exception. It’s a multi-continental story toggling between present and past via writer-protagonist Juan Diego’s dreams as he rides a pharmacological pendulum of beta blockers and Viagra. The novel features soothsayers, statues come to life, and sexy, spectral guides to the underworld.

It is also Irving’s first novel as a full-time resident of Canada. He and his Canadian wife, Janet, have kept property in Ontario for years, and now they’ve moved north for good. Irving, who has a maple leaf tattooed on his shoulder in Janet’s honour, says he’s never thought of himself as an especially American writer, more of a New Englander. “I'm politically disenchanted everywhere. I've made no secret of my doubts about patriotism or nationalism,” he says. But he likes Toronto, says the move feels natural.

Avenue of Mysteries is about the draw of the past for an aging writer who cannot help but stumble, mortally, towards a conclusive future. Unlike his character, though, Irving hardly seems ready to slow down. “I am not Juan Diego,” he says. “The most autobiographical element in my fiction has always been that I write about what I fear.”

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Guide Homme Runs

Eagles of Death Metal drummer — and Queens of the Stone Age front man — Josh Homme is hard rock’s Midas. Here are three albums he’s turned into headbangable gold:

MUSIC

Dance with the Devil Once rock’s biggest sinner, Eagles of Death Metal’s Jesse Hughes is (almost) seeing the light

BY ALEX NINO GHECIU

N 2015, mainstream music looks much different than it did in its cock rock heyday: Slash is a sober dad, Mötley Crüe are puttering through their final tour and nice guys like Ed Sheeran are selling out stadiums. So, in these increasingly progressive times, naming your new album Zipper Down — and plastering a woman’s chest on its cover — seems a tad ill-advised.

“It’s a philosophy on enjoying life better,” argues Jesse “The Devil” Hughes, Eagles of Death Metal’s hirsute frontman.

“In the desert, when people get too excited, someone will say, ‘Zipper up!’ But it’s so much easier to enjoy breasts when your zipper’s down. That’s basic math.”

You’ll have to forgive Hughes. For the past 17 years, the Palm Desert dweller’s been a living cliché: a swaggering,

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moustachioed Lothario who still likes his rock ’n’ roll with equal parts drugs and sex in it. While crafting four albums of critically lauded ZZ/Stones pastiche with not-so-secret weapon Josh Homme (of Queens of the Stone Age), the 42-year-old has earned a reputation for being one of rock’s biggest sinners. (“I’m living hard, man,” he says. “I’m on fire.”)

Still, he believes his soul can be saved — it was once pure, after all.

Before Hughes was a pelvis-swiveling madman, he spent years as a God-fearing Republican Party speechwriter. One afternoon in 1998, he walked in on his wife mid-adultery and promptly lost his religion. “I got mad at God,” he remembers. “The first thing I did was pollute my body.” He fell hard into crystal meth, shed 60 pounds and discovered tattoos.

While spending months holed up in an apartment, Hughes managed to pick up a guitar and write songs poking fun at Homme, his childhood pal-turned-rockstar. But when Homme eventually heard the recordings, he was blown away: Hughes’ kitschy, Jon Spencer-meetsElvis blues shtick actually sounded good. The Queens frontman dragged his friend to a studio, where Eagles of Death Metal were born. “It was like being a werewolf my whole life, and then showing up for Bible study one night on a full moon,” recounts Hughes. “I turned into an animal with a dick bigger than John Holmes. All of John Holmes.”

But nowadays, The Devil feels remorse for his lapses. So much so he’s decided to become a reverend. (Yes, really.)

Recently ordained by the Universal Life Church, an interfaith ministry, Hughes

Queens of the Stone Age …Like Clockwork (2013) Not the machismo-laden robot rock everyone expected, which is why this eerie, emotionally vulnerable masterwork is Queens’ most ambitious effort yet.

Them Crooked Vultures Them Crooked Vultures (2009) Here Homme joins forces with Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl and Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones. The result? The most technically dazzling triumvirate this side of Rush.

Desert Sessions Desert Sessions 9 & 10 (2003) Homme’s experimental musical collective, the Desert Sessions, evokes psychedelic trips through sunscorched Californian sands. This installment, featuring PJ Harvey, sounds especially resin-stained.

now offers Christian services to rockers seeking redemption on the road. “I’ve been feeling the flames of hell below my feet lately,” he says. “I’m trying to give myself a fighting chance of not going all the way down.”

That said, Zipper Down is no collection of hymns. It’s a smutty, scuzzy dive bar of a record you’ll guiltily keep returning to — in this era of sombre, tender folk bands, lecherous, irreverent rock ’n’ roll actually sounds, well, ballsy again.

Besides, the devil horn clichés may just lead Hughes to salvation: “I’m an excellent example of God’s will,” he says. “I’ll show you what happens if you follow the wrong path. Like a really fun After School Special.”

Guide TECH

Shallow HAL Tech companies are racing to create your next digital butler. But what’s in it for them?

BY ALEX NINO GHECIU

CI-FI WRITERS have long predicted future generations would interact with machines through voiceactivated, ubiquitous, artificially intelligent assistants. For better or worse, they were right. More and more, we’re seeing the rise of technology that’s always paying attention, ready to take orders or talk to you.

They call it ambient intelligence, and it’s a bit like the Scarlett Johansson-voiced operating system Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with in Her. But without the emotional baggage. Yet. Amazon’s Echo is the best example thus far. It’s a Pringles-can-sized speaker that sits in your home and patiently listens. Utter the word “Alexa,” and its Wi-Fi-connected virtual assistant springs to life. You can ask Alexa to play your favourite songs, mark dates in your Google calendar, tell you how traffic’s looking, or send a few emails.

She can even connect to your other smart home devices, letting you dim the lights or make a latte with just a few words.

Think Siri, but smarter and with more valuable connections.

“It makes everyday life a bit easier,” says an Amazon spokesman. “When you have a question or want to do something, all you have to do is ask.”

Ambient intelligence is an exciting, yet terrifying, proposition. Terrifying because we all remember the moment HAL 9000 refused to open those pod bay doors.

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Still, virtual assistants are undeniably the next frontier for the smart home. With the Echo still in its beta stage (and currently unavailable in Canada), the other tech giants have been catching up. Apple’s HomeKit, Google Now and Microsoft’s Cortana are also introducing ways to talk to your smart appliances, from thermostats to fridges. And things are about to get freakishly smarter.

Experts say we’re not far off from seeing virtual assistants with actual intuition. Ones that can learn our habits and anticipate our decisions. “When you’re grocery shopping, they’ll provide a list of what to buy based on how you’ve been consuming products,” says Leor Grebler, CEO of Ubi, a Toronto-based ambient intelligence software company.

What’s more, the assistants will be able to sense our emotions. “If someone’s yelling at their coffee maker, it’s going to make your coffee faster. It will speak to you differently based on your tone.”

It seems accommodating, until you wonder what Eric Snowden must think of all this. An all-seeing AI fog that permeates our everyday life? Sounds like the NSA’s wet, privacy-violating dream. Or maybe Google’s. Advertisers, according to Grebler, are already looking for ways to exploit ambient intelligence to deliver more effective targeted marketing. A spousal dispute might prompt TV commercials for couples counseling. Signs of stress? An ad for aromatherapy candles.

“At some point,” admits Grebler, “we’re going to have to take a hard look at whether this technology is benefitting us or if it’s too much.”

Until then, maybe don’t give your virtual assistant too much sass.

You rang?

The current virtual assistants to watch out for:

ALEXA

Lives in: Your home.

Selling point: She’s always on hand, and can hear your voice from across the house.

SIRI

Lives in: Your Apple product.

Selling point: She’s the snark queen.

GOOGLE NOW

Lives in: Your Android, iPhone or PC. Selling point: He/she knows you (almost too) well.

(And is gender fluid.)

CORTANA

Lives in: Windows 10.

Selling point: She’s good at giving reminders, and is the flirtiest of the bunch.

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Guide

FOOD

Pickle Your Poison What do you do with perfectly good,

BEGAN MY CAREER in the 1980s. For most of the first two decades, there was an almost obsessive zeal for the youngest, freshest ingredients. Chefs had an unwritten rule that the farmer who could get it out of the garden and to the restaurant the fastest was the farmer that got the business. The goal for the chef was to figure out how to enhance the ingredient without overpowering it. For me, this philosophy is mostly a foregone conclusion. Diners come in to my restaurants knowing that 90 per cent of the ingredients are bought directly from family-run farms.

But times change. People get bored.

Chefs have to develop new things for diners to experience and enjoy — things that satisfy and pique curiosity at the same time. Now, the fashion is to take some of those farm-fresh ingredients and ferment them. That is: in a controlled setting, break them down and change their nature using microbial growth. It’s essentially controlled rot, using good bacteria instead of harmful microbes.

Personally, I don’t see fermenting or preserving to be at odds with hyper farm-to-table thinking. The challenge for every new generation is to claim an old idea as their own — to reintroduce it to the world. Technology could have rendered most of these techniques obsolete and redundant, but instead the opposite has happened. Now, we can be more precise and efficient in fermenting and preserving. These techniques now sit at the cutting edge of the culinary

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Old World great-grandparent who hung fermented sausages or dry-cured ham in a cellar every fall. This knowledge seemed to skip a generation: my parents were dependent on refrigeration and freezing to keep things over the winter.

They didn’t have the time — or the desire — to preserve food, which was essential to the generation before.

So chefs have scoured our grandparents’ répertoires for techniques to adapt.

And if that failed to produce the creative results we desired, we looked to other cultures to provide the blueprints or inspiration. My favourite dish of the last few seasons at Model Milk, for example, has been fermented “sour” sausages, a traditional Thai dish that we’ve adopted and made our own.

This is perfect in a country like Canada where the ground is semi-frozen nearly seven months of the year. We cellar roots and squashes, noticing the changes they undergo over the months of storage in dirt boxes. We ferment things and store them. We play around with different products to see how they behave when we promote microbial growth. Nothing will ever replace a beautiful tomato salad in August, when tomatoes are in the height of the season.

But it’s nice to have new dishes to offer in the dead of winter, even if the ingredients aren’t new at all.

fresh food? Ferment it, of course

BY JUSTIN LEBOE

Justin Leboe is the chef/owner at Model Milk and the recently opened Pigeonhole in Calgary.

Photo: Getty / Ian O’Leary.

world. More experimenting has been done with fermentation in the last five years in restaurants than had been done in the last 25.

Some restaurants at the forefront are pushing the boundaries of research.

Noma in Copenhagen has developed an almost university-level research facility complete with climate-controlled rooms to promote and control fermentation.

The kitchens at Faivikën have been aging meats for up to seven months, and burying cabbages and root vegetables in sand over the winter with great results. David Chang has committed a large portion of his development budget to a team of scientists that do nothing but research food fermentation. And closer to home, Blair Lebsack from RGE RD, in Edmonton, has been leaving parsnips and onions in the ground over winter, changing the texture and flavour of the vegetables. The contributions and advances made on this front have opened up a whole new world of flavours, textures and possibilities.

In the end, though, it’s just a resurgence of an old way of looking at food — and that’s part of its charm. Most of the expansion in this area owes something to every grandmother who ever fermented a jar of dill pickles, or every

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Guide VICES

What to pair with saké (besides the obvious) “Sushi is the food pairing everyone thinks about, but saké is much more versatile than that,” says Newton. “If a saké has a higher acidity, it can be served with blackened cod. Our Nama Nama Saké pairs really well with oysters.

Lots of izakayas pair it with fried chicken or fried squid. Personally, I’ll drink saké with pizza.”

L E F T T O R I G H T:

JUNMAI DAIGINJO

If the back of your saké bottle says junmai, you’ve got the best of the best. It’s the Japanese word for pure saké, meaning it has only four ingredients: rice, water, yeast and koji.

Besides purity, premium saké is also gauged by how much the rice has been polished, which results in cleaner, more delicate notes.

If the grains have been milled to about 50 per cent of their original size, the saké qualifies as daiginjo. A good example, like Gekkeikan Horin Ultra Premium Junmai Daiginjo Saké ($43), will taste full-bodied, fruity and nutty.

For Goodness Saké They’ve been brewing it for thousands of years. It’s about time you got to know Japan’s national drink

BY ALEX NINO GHECIU

Like junmai daiginjo, junmai ginjo is pure saké. But the ginjo part means the rice has been milled to about 60 per cent of its original size. Like Nagai Oze Beishuika Junmai Ginjo Saké ($28), this type is often flowery and smooth.

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Yet another factor is whether the saké’s been pasteurized or not. If it’s unpasteurized, and it’s pure, the drink is called namazake junmai. It’s hard to find, unless you know of a local saké brewery. “The stuff imported from Japan is definitely pasteurized,” says Netwon. “We don’t filter or pasteurize ours, to preserve the natural flavours.” Nama Nama Saké by the Ontario Spring Water Company ($13) is easy drinking, with prominent tropical fruit notes and a dose of fresh acidity.

HONJOZO

Saké that’s been milled to about 70 per cent and had a pinch of brewer’s alcohol added during fermentation is called honjozo. The alcohol is added to help pull out different flavours. A top-shelf one, like Takatenjin Sword of the Sun Tokubetsu Honjozo Saké ($21) will have strong floral and spice notes.

Photo: Getty / Stephanie Rushton.

NAMAZAKE JUNMAI

IPING HOT AND OUT OF A BOX — until now, that’s likely how you’ve had saké. One sip and it seared your tongue — and for good reason, because if you actually tasted it, you’d have spewed it out faster than a Tokyo bullet train.

Most of what the Western world knows about saké is completely wrong. “As a general rule, if saké is being served to you hot, it’s probably low quality,” says Greg Newton, head brewer at the Ontario Spring Water Saké Company. “It’s made with unpolished rice, contains lots of brewer’s alcohol and is hot to mask the off flavours.

Premium saké is almost always served chilled.”

While often referred to as rice wine, saké is actually a brew, in that it’s fermented from a grain, rather than grapes. Brewers polish the grains to remove the fat-laden outer coating. They then steam the starchy core, adding yeast and koji — rice that has mould cultivated on it, which converts the starch into sugar, allowing for fermentation to happen.

Aging, often followed by filtering and pasteurization, comes next. With the current rise of Japanese izakaya bars in North America, high-quality saké — not futsu-shu, the cheap, scalding dreck — is more readily available than ever. It also comes in a dizzying array of varieties, so a primer on the good stuff will serve you well.

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JUNMAI GINJO

Guide BUSINESS

How to Build a (New) Media

Empire The surprisingly big money in small-time radio

BY ANDREW D’CRUZ

EMEMBER THE FIRST TIME you heard about podcasts? It was probably from one of your geekier friends: that comedy nerd yammering on about the latest Ricky Gervais Show, or the NPR fanatic who’d always insist that, sure, Ira Glass was all well and good, but what you should really be listening to was this thing called Radiolab. Or Snap Judgment.

Or 99% Invisible. (OK fine, that last guy was me.)

Did you roll your eyes? Pretend to humour them but quickly return to your Howard Stern broadcast?

You already know the punch line: last year, the true-crime show Serial went supernova, spawning the kind of cubicle chatter normally reserved for the latest Game of Thrones atrocity. To the growing crop of podcast-based mini-media empires — the Earwolf network, with its stable of nerdy-fratty comedy shows, Gimlet Media, which launched with a show about launching a podcast company — Serial’s popularity brought new listeners hungry for their next hit, and demonstrated that there really was an untapped market for their shows. No longer were podcasts the quirky stepchildren of the media world, unsure of their place both in pop culture and on year-end spreadsheets. All of a sudden there was a

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market — and real, big money.

The New York Times recently referred to the industry as “a slow, steady and unrelentingly persistent digital tortoise,” gradually amassing fans and advertising dollars for much of the past decade.

When they first emerged in the early 2000s, podcasts were saddled with a terrible portmanteau name, a cumbersome download process, a decidedly nerdy range of topics and an ad market that wasn’t sure what to do with them.

The name isn’t going away, but the process has gotten easier — last year, Apple included its Podcasts app by default in iOS 8 — and shows now abound on everything from life hacking to politics to sex. And it’s all paying off: a recent survey found that 17 per cent of Americans had listened to a podcast in the last month, up from 12 per cent in 2010.

As for the advertising, the top-end podcasts can demand rates of nearly $100 per thousand listeners — dwarfing the spend for pre-roll videos or display ads on online news stories, which dominate digital ad budgets. It’s one thing to see a blinking banner ad flit by your screen. It’s quite another to hear your favourite podcaster extoll the virtues of Squarespace or Warby Parker for a minute-and-a-half before dropping a C O N T I N U E S O N P. 8 2

Peas in a Pod

Know your new media PANOPLY

What: All-in-one service for big publishers getting into the podcast game Who: The Slate Group Roster: 51 and counting Best Shows: Slate’s Political Gabfest, The Gist

GIMLET

What: Startup staffed by talented, entrepreneurial public radio producers Who: This American Life alum Alex Blumberg & business partner Matt Lieber Roster: Three, with a fourth in the works by the director of Anchorman Best Shows: Reply All, Mystery Show

MIDROLL

What: The biggest podcast ad sales network Who: Grew out of Earwolf’s comedy podcast network; recently bought by the E.W. Scripps Company Roster: 200+ Best Shows: WTF with Marc Maron, Savage Lovecast

Guide BUSINESS

C O N T I N U E D F R O M P. 8 0

sweet promo code for 10 bucks off a custom website or pair of glasses. Which is how Gimlet Media is able to bring in $2 million in revenue in only its second year of operations, and with only three shows on its roster.

As head of podcasting for Slate, Andy Bowers has had a close-up view of this gradual mainstreaming. “As soon as I got into podcasts,” Bowers said, “I realized this was the future of spoken-word radio.” The future just took a lot longer than he expected to finally arrive, the tortoise stubbornly refusing to transform into a hare.

After 10 years of steady growth (and a little help from the Serial effect), The Slate Group launched Panoply, a network that provides publishers like New York Magazine and Huffington Post with everything from hands-on production to distribution, promotion and ad sales. They’ve already got 51 shows on their roster, and more are on the way. “Every time it gets easier for people to listen, more people listen,” said Bowers, who’s now Panoply Chief Content Officer. “I expect in 20 years, most people will be listening to spoken-word audio this way.”

Jesse Brown’s Canadaland empire is smaller in scale: he’s got about twoand-a-half shows and a media criticism website, with a third arts-and-culture show in the works. Unlike most of the big US podcasting networks, which make their money from ads, Brown is making most of his by asking listeners to cough it up via the monthly crowdfunding website Patreon. “As shaky as this whole model is, it feels way more natural to me than anything I’ve done before,” he said. “In a very literal sense, I work for the audience.” That audience — or rather five to 10 per cent of that audience — chips in about $16,000 per month, more than he currently makes from advertisers, who pay up to $1,000 for each sponsorship.

Look: everyone knows the old empires are failing. And with the rise of ad blocking software, some of the newer empires are in trouble too. But the slow, stubborn rise of podcasting shows there are viable alternatives out there.

Not that podcasts are the only alternatives. At about the same time that podcasting started taking off, three ex-PayPal employees built YouTube, and the years since then have seen the rise of 82 SHAR PM AGA Z IN E .C OM

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the “creator” landscape, with individual vloggers getting a cut of the revenue for the ads that play before their videos.

Swedish video gamer PewDiePie, the site’s biggest star, made US $7.4 million from ads alone last year. And that’s not counting the extra money from the sponsorships and brand deals that have become commonplace for the biggest Vine and (heaven help us) Snapchat and Instagram personalities. Some of the newest, strangest media empires are built around managing the careers of tweenage social media stars you’ve probably never heard of, like Nash Grier, who reportedly charges sponsors up to $100,000 to appear in one of his six-second Vines.

And then there are the giants of digital media, like BuzzFeed, Vox and Vice, all of which make a significant portion of their money by building ads that look just like regular stories and videos — and get liked, shared and clicked at similar rates. BuzzFeed and Vox, which runs the popular tech site The Verge and the SB Nation sports blogs, both received hundreds of millions of dollars in investment this summer from NBCUniversal, an old media stalwart perhaps hoping to secure its place in the new world order.

Pods continued RADIOTOPIA

What: The cool kids: a collective of some of the best indie storytelling podcasts Who: The Public Radio Exchange, with 99% Invisible host Roman Mars as ringleader Roster: 13 Best Shows: 99% Invisible, Theory of Everything

CANADALAND

What: Muckraking, audience-funded enemy of Canadian media complacency Who: Jesse Brown, former CBC radio host and media gadfly Roster: 2.5 (one in development) Best Shows: Canadaland, Canadaland Commons

MAXIMUM FUN

What: Audience-funded community of geeky comedy and pop culture shows Who: Jesse Thorn, loveable well-dressed host of Bullseye and founder of men’s style blog Put This On Roster: 24, not all equally active Best Shows: Bullseye, Judge John Hodgman

Welcome to Welcome to Night Vale As a form, podcasts straddle the line between old and new media; their closest equivalency is radio, but at the same time they are distinctly, urgently modern — answering to the demands of a fractured media landscape more readily than any other medium.

There’s possibly no better example of this dichotomy than Welcome to Night Vale, a podcast by Jeffrey Cranor and Joseph Fink that approximates a community public radio show for a fictional town full of David Lynch-ian humour and creepiness. To hear it described, it would seem to have as much mass appeal as, well, a twisted public radio show. And yet, maybe because podcast listeners are kind of a self-selecting group, it’s one of the most popular shows on iTunes.

So popular, in fact, that this month it’s hitting the old-school big time: it’s becoming a novel, titled, unsurprisingly Welcome to Night Vale (HarperCollins).

That it got written and published is like an underdog story for the literary set.

Cranor and Fink always wanted to write a novel. Fink even self-published some stuff before Night Vale (the podcast) hit it big. So what do they do? They hunker down, make something by themselves, it blows up, and boom: all their small-scale, bookish dreams are coming true.

But it does make you wonder: how can something so specific be so popular?

They’ll tell you that the more specific a work of art is, the more appealing it is generally, which is true — it’s a lesson that television has learned in the past decade — but, it’s still surprising. Or maybe it’s not. Listen to any podcast and pretty soon you’ll hear an ad for Audible.com, the largest provider of audiobooks.

Clearly listeners are readers. And readers, these days at least, care more about quality than genre. If something is good, the specificity of the subject matter isn’t all that important. In fact, the stranger the better. —Greg Hudson

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Guide

For Your Ears Only

They can’t all be Shirley Bassey. For every iconic Bond theme singer, there’s another who was denied the chance to hear their song played over dancing-naked-lady-silhouettes. Here are our favourite (real) rejected 007 songs: “Thunderball” Johnny Cash (1965) The producers felt this one was too rawhide cowboy chaps for a Bond flick. Go figure.

“The Man with the Golden Gun” Alice Cooper (1974) A wonky slab of barroom rock, with some brass thrown in to Bond-ify it. Good on 007 for escaping this fate.

“The Juvenile”

Mystery Man Everything you thought you knew about James Bond is wrong AMES BOND STORIES WRITE THEMSELVES. He is the man for whom men’s magazines are made — a man who knows his way around a cocktail, is an extreme sport enthusiast, has something of a way with women. There are almost infinite stories we could have printed about James Bond — and this isn’t any of them. The man’s been in 23 movies — 24 if you count this month’s Spectre — and we’re pretty sure you know what he’s all about. Here, instead, is a look at what’s on the fringes of the James Bond experience — the unauthorized sequels, the stylish museum exhibitions, the inner emotional life of Pierce Brosnan. It’s Bond, James Bond — as you’ve never seen him before.

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“Tomorrow Never Lies” Pulp (1997) Jarvis Cocker was certainly British enough to belt a Bond theme, but the studio felt this tune was too self-aware for a film full of incredulous stunts.

“Quantum of Solace” Amy Winehouse (2008) Winehouse apparently hated the chords the studio asked her to sing over. Still, when she heard the Jack White and Alicia Keys version, she claimed hers was better. It probably was.

Illustration: Vivian Lai.

FILM

Ace of Base (1995) The Swedish pop band’s producers decided a song for GoldenEye was beneath them. Ironically, today, all that they want is another paycheque.

nese co-production.

No one dies without blackflipping a few times first. While on fire.

BLACK SAMURAI 1977

SHAKEN AND STIRRED

A franchise as big and long-lived as James Bond is bound to have gone through the pop cultural blender a few times. A brief look at the best of its unintended offshoots and ephemera

BY NABEN RUTHNUM

HEY SAY THE SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY IS IMITATION. If that’s the case, James Bond must be blushing. Perhaps more than any other cultural figure of the last century, 007 has been reproduced and retransmitted, prodded and parodied. The character is both an icon and a punchline — sometimes at the same time. Forget, for a second, the immense franchise built on his back — the dozens of novels, movies and luxury merchandising tie-ins you’ve come to know and love. There’s also an underground Bond economy, one full of not-quiteright spinoffs and loving (we assume, anyway) international interpretations in just about every genre, from chop-socky to Blaxploitation to South Asian family dramas.

Here’s where to look for your fix of Bond-ish gold:

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Books THE JAMES BOND DOSSIER 1965

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• Kingsley Amis is literature’s biggest Bond fan. Yes, that Kingsley Amis, the one with the Booker Prize under his belt. Not only did he write the first official Bond book after Ian Fleming’s death (it’s called Colonel Sun, and it’s awesome), he also wrote The

James Bond Dossier, a strangely critical consideration of all things 007. It was, also strangely, a bestseller.

LOXFINGER 1965

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• Ever wish Bond was just a little more, uh, Jewish? Who hasn’t?

Sol Weinstein, a gag, sketch, and songwriter, was enlisted by Playboy to write comedic counterbalances to

the Bond novels, which the magazine was serializing. The result: Agent Oy-Oy Seven, the Israeli state’s own secret agent.

THE BOOK OF BOND, OR EVERY MAN HIS OWN 007 1965

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• Amis didn’t stop with analysis. The other Bond book he wrote in 1965 (this under the name Bill Tanner) was an in-

struction manual on How to Be a Better Bond. The book had a reversible cover to disguise it as a Bible, and chapters on all the crucial 007 topics, like Drink (“Your daily intake should stay around half a bottle of spirits.

This is adequately devil-may-care without being sodden”), Clothes, Gambling and Girls.

Gird your liver and lungs if you’re going to follow it to the letter.

KISS THE GIRLS AND MAKE THEM SPY 2001

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• Mabel Maney’s 2001 novel stars the spy’s lesbian twin sister, Jane, a bookstore employee called in to pose as her brother. Maney holds true to the spirit of the novels while subverting macho conventions.

But don’t worry: there’s still a lot of sex.

Movies THE MAN FROM HONG KONG 1975

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• Pity George Lazenby. After his one shot, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Lazenby got booted from the role when Sean Connery agreed to come back for Diamonds are Forever. But he was able to capitalize on his Bond name by taking on various international ass-kicker roles, like this Australian-Chi-

NOVEMBER 20 15

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• This Blaxploitation riff features Enter the Dragon’s Jim Kelly and his excellent afro (not to mention real-deal karate skills) as Robert Sand, agent of D.R.A.G.O.N. Overall, a good chaser for Live and Let Die, which was set (with limited racial sensitivity) in Harlem and New Orleans.

FOR Y’UR HEIGHT ONLY 1981

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• Filipino action star Weng Weng — real name: Ernesto de la Cruz, who was born with primordial dwarfism — is Agent 00, a three-foot-tall spy who is the only man able to stop the evil Mr. Giant from deploying a doomsday device known as “The N-Bomb.”

For real.

JAMES BOND 777 1971

Oddity Rating: •••••••••• South of India’s Bollywood headquarters in Mumbai are Hyderabad’s Tollywood studios, ground zero for India’s slightly less-well-known (for good reason) Telugu film industry. James Bond 777 is a surreal, ’70s glimpse at this part of Indian cinema. It’s a bizarre mash-up of family revenge drama and a superspy vs. supervillain plot.

And a whole lot of bad moustaches.

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November 2015 LOOK BETTER FEEL BETTER KNOW MORE

Style Patchwork The only pocket you need ATCH POCKETS came first. Before anyone sewed little sacks right into jackets, they sewed them flat onto the outside. Easy.

Straightforward. Not super clean, but pretty cool, in an industrial efficiency kind of way.

Well, the humble patch pocket is having a major comeback. We like them for the way they add extra lines and visual interest to whatever they’re on. And for always keeping things just a little bit casual.

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COTTON BLEND BLAZER ($600) BY STRELLSON; COTTON BUTTON DOWN ($175) BY BOSS; SILK KNIT TIE ($95) BY BROOKS BROTHERS.

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Photography by Liam Mogan; Styling by Christine Brant for Plutino Group.

TRENDS

Style TRENDS

Shine On The impetuous case for having your shoes painted by an artist B Y L E O P E TA C C I A

Leather Lessons

How to keep your new jacket — or briefcase or shiny pair of kicks — in fighting shape for years to come PROTECT

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CLEAN

Saddle soap was originally created, you guessed it, to clean horse saddles, and it’ll work on your jacket, too. Use a dry cloth and work the soap until it lathers. Rub on the dirty areas, and then use a separate, lightly damp cloth to wipe away any excess soap. Repeat as needed, and remember that any hardware may require separate products to get them clean. If spot treatments aren’t going to cut it, it’s probably best to look up your closest reputable professional.

STORE

Different leather items require different storage methods, but in general, they should be covered up if you’re tucking them away. Some items need help keeping their shape when not in use — stuff bags with newspaper and invest in wooden shoe trees for your kicks. And give the items space to breathe. You wouldn’t want your skin touching someone else’s for six months straight.

Photo: Getty / Kirstin Sinclair.

OOK PAST THE FLOCKS of stock-brokering slovens and you’ll see it — a grand style exodus of once-conservative dressers, all fleeing their comfort zones and furthering individuality to its next frontier. And thank God. We’re ditching baseball caps for wide-brimmed hats (again) and witnessing as pocket squares have entered the mainstream to such a degree that it hardly bares mentioning. Men are finally taking some damn risks, and while it may sound odd at first, having “patina” artists paint over our brand-new dress shoes is next to boom.

French native Emanuel Farré, for instance, enjoys practising his patina work at the midtown Toronto men’s boutique, Loding (a French luxury brand, with a handful of other Canadian locations on the way). He’ll spend up to 60 hours applying his rich colours and opulent designs to a single shoe, using oils much like any classical painter would. He’s even done Jack Nicklaus smacking a ball out of a bunker on a white shoe, and at the behest of American footwear giant Allen Edmonds, no less.

Where Farré grew up practising the patina process on furniture, Italian-based Russian artist and shoe care line owner Alexander Nurulaeff started out painting on canvas before transitioning to leather (he prefers calfskin to the rest). Like Farré, though, the Russian was seduced by the utter exclusivity patina art affords its wearer.

Briton Steven Skippen was so struck by Nurulaeff’s work that he studied the craft for himself. It wasn’t long before he started offering his clients exclusive patina services as part of “Shoeshine UK,” his 13-yearold shoe care operation based in London’s posh Hilton Park Lane hotel.

Skippen’s style is to emphasize where light colours meet dark lines, creating a natural highlight effect (he’s partial to ruby red). His skills have even earned him a couple contracts with Italian menswear house Berluti, which tells you something.

It behooves the curious to know that all types of leather are patina-friendly, and the result will last a lifetime with regular care. Just steer clear of black-coloured leather; stripping it requires copious amounts of bleach, which isn’t good for much other than laundry.

Leather is a skin, so it’s never going to be totally waterproof, but you can get a bit of weather protection.

Beeswax cream usually works better than those sprays the shoe store tried to sell you — though it can discolour, so be sure to test on a small area before applying to the whole thing. And if your untreated leather does happen to get wet (what, you didn’t have an umbrella with you?), wipe down with a soft, dry cloth, and then air dry — blasting it with a hairdryer will just cause the leather to become misshapen as it dries.

November 2015 LOOK BETTER FEEL BETTER KNOW MORE

Cars

THE SEDAN ISSUE

Why the car you need right now is the car you’ve always had B Y M AT T B U B B E R S

HERE WERE MORE than a dozen new SUVs unveiled at the Frankfurt Auto Show this year. This sprawling exhibition — think of it as the Super Bowl of car shows — forecasts trends and previews next season’s new metal. What we learned this year is that the deluge of new SUVs is, apparently, far from over. If, like us, you’re feeling some SUV fatigue, we have a suggestion: sedans.

Sedans — defined by four doors and three boxes: hood, cabin, trunk — were once mainstream. Today, pushed aside by SUVs, they are practically automotive counterculture. They are for people who don’t want what everyone else has. A good sedan is stylish, elegant, and equal parts luxurious and sporty. They handle sharper and ride better than comparable SUVs. And, come on, you’re not fooling anyone; when was the last time you forded a river in your Land Rover? Point is, sedans are cool again. They exude a quiet confidence.

And, they just so happen to be better than ever: more spacious, more efficient and better designed. Here are three sizes to choose from:

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Cars

THE SEDAN ISSUE

M L XL

Audi A4 T’S BASICALLY CAR INDUSTRY DOCTRINE that Audi does the best interiors in the biz. For continued proof, look to the new TT or R8. It’s like their designers are working from another set of rules, playing the game differently. Everything is digital — the buttons, the controls — but they’ve got a machine-like analog build-quality. It’s the same with Audi’s all-new A4.

The climate knobs look like they came off killer ’70s hi-fi gear. And the instrument display looks like something straight out of Blade Runner. The narrow strip of air vent that runs the width of the cabin — why didn’t anyone else think of that?

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This is a car Audi really couldn’t afford to screw up.

Now in its ninth iteration, the A4 is their pretzel and pilsner. No wonder it drives like a bank vault: quiet inside, with the chassis happy to soak up the awful roads of Northern Italy, for example. UnderENGINE: neath there’s tech you won’t see even on 3.0-LITRE much more expensive vehicles: magneTWIN-TURBO V6 sium for the rear seat frames, aluminum suspension components. Just about any POWER: 354 HP gadget you can get on Audi’s flagship Q7 SUV, you can get on this.

GEARBOX: There will be many, many variants 8-SPEED AUTO of the A4. We’ll save you time and just say the S4 is the best one, for now. But, PRICE: keep an eye out for a future plug-in $56,000 (EST.) hybrid model too.

Specs

T H E R E L U C TA N T FA N AT I C

Campaign Logic Sports and politics are more connected than you thought

BY NICHOLAS HUNE-BROWN

S

PORTS AND POLITICS CAN MAKE FOR AN AWKWARD MIX. These are games, after all, that are intentionally frivolous.

Their primary appeal is as a distraction from the messiness of the world. And so barging in with talk about conservatives and liberals, tax cuts and income inequality, can feel like a tactless intrusion — like bringing a copy of Fast Food Nation to a pizza party or being that jerk who hands out toothbrushes on Halloween.

This fall, however, with elections on both sides of the border, fans across North America have been subjected to the time-honoured tradition that is political sports pandering. In August, all three party leaders took turns jumping on the Blue Jays bandwagon, showing up at the Rogers Centre in the hopes of absorbing some refracted affection from fans in the political battleground that is the Greater Toronto Area. Habs fan Justin Trudeau kicked off the campaign by con-

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ducting his pre-debate interview from a boxing ring (a callback to perhaps his most successful political moment, when he won a charity boxing match against Patrick Brazeau, thus allowing patriotic citizens across the country to vicariously live out their fantasy of punching a senator in the mouth).

For American politicians, having a home team is like having a home church: a prerequisite for office, even if you’re not really much of a believer.

Jeb Bush is an avowed Marlins fan, Chris Christie has an embarrassingly friendly relationship with Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, and Marco Rubio has long touted his Dolphins mania (he has an “an almost encyclopedic memory of Dolphins trivia,” his aids gushed to The New York Times).

Of course, sports pandering must be done with care. Fans are quick to sniff out bandwagoners or frauds.

It’s why Harper’s weirdly bloodless hockey fandom is so in keeping with his particular political style. He’s a guy who loves the game — wrote an entire book about it! — but whose official response, when asked to name a favourite team, is delivered via spokesman: “The Prime Minister cheers for all Canadian teams.”

If done properly, though, a performance of fandom is an easy way to signal all sorts of appealing personal characteristics. Name-checking your favourite Cub or most beloved Pistons benchwarmer is a stand-in for values like authenticity and loyalty. It’s also a mark of normalcy that makes a politician seem a little less like an

Photo: Getty / Jason Miller. Illustration: Vivian Lai.

Column 2

“For athletes who care about particular causes, stadiums and arenas aren’t places where politics are ignored, but places where a message can be amplified.”

egomaniac Brahmin and a little more like just regular folks. If the question in politics is “who would you most like to have a beer with?” being able to talk sports goes a long way.

While fans can be wary of politicians trying to lash themselves to more popular athletes, they have often been even more skeptical about athletes who bring their politics onto the field. Since the ’60s and ’70s — the era when Muhammad Ali protested Vietnam and Tommie Smith and John Carlos raised their fists in the black power salute on the Olympic podium — sports have settled into a long period of quiet, apolitical money-making.

In 1992, Craig Hodges, a threepoint specialist with the championship Chicago Bulls, famously wore a dashiki to the White House and handed President Bush a letter explaining his opposition to the Iraq War and criticizing the United States for its racist policies. The next year, he was out of the league, a “blackballing” he still claims was entirely politically motivated. Hodges’ teammate, Michael Jordan, was the personification of a certain kind of apolitical player: the consummate pitchman who pushes all remotely controversial opinions aside in favour of encouraging more people to drink Gatorade. In 1990, Jordan was asked to support Harvey Gantt, a black democrat running against the notorious race-baiter Jesse Helms.

Jordan’s response was typical of the age: “Republicans buy sneakers, too.”

If Jordan was emblematic of the

apolitical ’90s, his successor on the court, Lebron James, has become the model for a certain kind of activist athlete. In 2012, James convinced his Miami Heat teammates to pose, heads bowed, wearing hoodies in protest against the shooting of the teenager Trayvon Martin. It was a small gesture that only seemed startling because of the rarity of a millionaire athlete making a political stand. His famous letter, in which he announced he was going home to Cleveland, reads more like a politician’s promise to revitalize rustbelt Ohio than a discussion about free-agency.

James is part of a growing number of athletes determined to use their enormous platform to push political causes, if not candidates. In 2010, the Phoenix Suns played in jerseys that read “Los Suns,” a protest against Arizona’s new anti-immigration law. Last year, members of the St. Louis Rams entered the field with their hands up — a reference to the shooting of Michael Brown in nearby Ferguson. Multiple NBA players have worn T-shirts with the phrase “I can’t breathe,” the last words Eric Garner said as the NYPD put him in a chokehold.

Last year, Cleveland Browns receiver Andrew Hawkins wore a T-shirt in pre-game warm-ups that read “Justice for Tamir Rice and John Crawford.”

Rice is the 12-year-old Cleveland kid who was killed by police while playing with an air rifle. Crawford is the 22-year-old shot to death in a Walmart store while holding a toy BB gun. Hawkins’ protest immediately

brought a harsh response by local police. “It’s pretty pathetic when athletes think they know the law,” said Cleveland police union president Jeff Follmer. “They should stick to what they know best on the field.”

The next day Hawkins held a press conference. In the past, when a player attacked something as sacrosanct as the military or the police, the backlash would come quickly and he would be chastened by a team eager to avoid controversy. When Hawkins appeared, however, he was unapologetic. He talked about justice.

He got choked up, talking about how what happened to Tamir Rice could happen to his two-year-old son. “If I was to run away from what I felt in my soul was the right thing to do, that would make me a coward and I couldn’t live with that,” Hawkins told the press. “A call for justice shouldn’t warrant an apology.”

For politicians, the appeal of sports has always been the access to a huge, non-partisan crowd. It’s a way to reach people en masse, away from tricky questions of governance or the fractious debates that erupt during an election season. Increasingly, though, for athletes who care about particular causes, stadiums and arenas aren’t places where politics are ignored, but places where a message can be amplified. The world is a messy place, full of complications and injustices. Sports can be a discrete bubble away from all of that or they can — in tiny, incremental ways, one T-shirt at a time — try to make things a little tidier.

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Photo: Trunk Archive

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Silk blend wrap by The Row, at TNT; tulle bra by Agent Provocateur, at Holt Renfrew; sterling silver earrings by Maison Birks.

BOLLYWOOD ENDING

PRIYANKA CHOPRA IS INDIA’S SWEETHEART. NOW, SHE’S HOPING TO BECOME YOURS, TOO.

By Peter Saltsman Photography by Brian Ypperciel Styling by Florence O. Durand for Judy Inc. Shot on location at Épik Hotel Montreal.

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It’s indisputable: a man needs a blue suit. Whether it’s classic navy or light and pale, there’s nowhere a blue suit won’t take you — as long as it’s on dry land (Ed. note: we don’t recommend trying this at home)

Photography by Matt Barnes Styling by Mark John Tripp

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A midnight blue tuxedo with black satin accents is better than black tie.

Previous Page: Cotton blend suit ($595)

by Michael Kors; cotton button down ($90) by Nautica; wool tie ($95) by 18 Waits; leather portfolio ($165) by Coach; Tudor Pelagos watch ($4,770).

This Page: Wool tuxedo ($1,395)

by Hugo Boss; cotton button up shirt ($525)

by Pal Zileri; leather monk strap shoes ($695) by BOSS; Tudor Heritage Black Bay watch ($3,690).

Opposite Page: Wool blazer ($2,295), wool trousers ($795) and silk knit tie ($205)

by Ermenegildo Zegna; cotton button up shirt ($185) by Reiss; leather belt ($200) by Anderson’s; leather driving shoes ($190)

by Lacoste; Tudor Heritage Black Bay watch ($3,690).

How to match your dial with your strap

BROWN BEAUTIE By Ariel Adams Photography by Adrian Armstrong

FOR YEARS IT WAS a sales faux pas for watchmakers to produce brown dials. But then, as happens in the trend economy, “brown” became “chocolate” or “coffee” or “hazel,” and watch buyers suddenly became interested in having it on their wrists. It might also help that the colour, in any shade, goes remarkably well with gold. Here are some of the most striking.

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THE GOOD OLD

HOCKEY, like all sports, is nothing without stories. You appreciate the on-ice plays, the otherworldly skills of men in their prime, the speed, the euphoria, the disappointment. But you care about the game because of the narratives: the characters, the drama, the occasional comedy. At the dawn of this new NHL season, here are 20 of the biggest stories — players, betting odds, crises — everyone will be talking about from now until June.

1. MAKE THE LEAP?

Five of the last six Stanley Cups have been won by either the Chicago Blackhawks or the Los Angeles Kings. Someone’s got to knock one of the big boys off at some point, right? Our eyes will be on teams like St. Louis or Tampa Bay — watching the guys knocking on the door is what makes the long 82-game season so fascinating. —DA

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Wool-polyamide blend coat ($1,150) by BOSS; wool suit ($4,450) and cashmere turtleneck ($2,295) by Brunello Cucinelli, at Holt Renfrew.

PATRICE BERGERON

Centre, Boston Bruins

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CLAUDE GIROUX

Centre, Philadelphia Flyers

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ON CLAUDE: Leather trench coat ($3,695) by Burberry London, at Harry Rosen; wool-mohair blend sweater ($650) by Burberry Brit; cotton denim ($795) by Dsquared2, at Harry Rosen.

ON FREDRIK: Wool coat ($6,145) by Hermès; linen henley ($280) by John Varvatos, at Harry Rosen; cotton jogger pants ($360) by Belstaff, at Harry Rosen; leather boots ($280) by Tiger of Sweden.

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THE SECOND COMING WILL BE IN EDMONTON

“A GREAT PROPHET HAS APPEARED AMONG US,” THEY SAID. “GOD HAS COME TO HELP HIS PEOPLE.” AND THIS NEWS ABOUT MCJESUS SPREAD THROUGH EDMONTON AND THE SURROUNDING COUNTRY. CONNOR MCDAVID could skate when he was three, play nine-year-olds when he was six, and shortly after his 15th birthday, he became the third player in history to be granted “Exceptional Player” status that allowed him entrance into the Ontario Hockey League ahead of his peers — as its No. 1 draft pick, naturally. It was there that the people first hailed him “McJesus.” It was said the boy moved as fast with the puck as without it, that he could see where it was going before it got there. It was said that he was the next Gretzky.

Meanwhile in the Alberta Capital — the hockey messiah’s future home — The Great One’s once glorious franchise had become one of the worst performing teams in the NHL’s 98year history. The Oilers haven’t tasted a playoff match since their run for the Stanley Cup in 2006. This, despite three first overall draft picks since 2009. This, despite six head coaches in as many years. This, despite consistently selling out one of the league's oldest, worst arenas at one of its highest ticket prices.

Given all they’ve squandered, no team was less deserving of McJesus’ talents. But no fan base needed it more. Not Buffalo, whose beleaguered fans found escapism in watching McJesus play in Erie, Pennsylvania, 90 minutes away. Not even Toronto, that big bully city whose sports fans claim to have a monopoly on perennial despair and its attendant entitlement for off-season hope. Only in a city like Edmonton — where civic pride and hockey stats are inextricably linked — can “The Next One” achieve hero status on a level of “The Great One.” He already has.

The moment he was drafted this past summer, a wave of ebullience washed the land once known as the City of Champions. When No. 97 showed up for his first practice in July, 3,000 believers were waiting to see him skate drills. Weeks later the entire lower bowl was full for the team’s intrasquad scrimmage, where he scored five goals with the nonchalance of a dad who joined his kid’s road hockey game.

After years of selling out home games, fans couldn’t even give their seats away toward the end of last season. Those who showed up seemed to do so with the intent of throwing their jerseys on the ice in protest. Fast-forward five months and a single opening game ticket fetched well over $2,000. It would seem McJesus has already resurrected the dead. Now if he can turn water to wine he might bring home a cup big enough for the whole city to drink from. — OM

5. PHIL. EFFING. KESSEL.

He somehow managed to escape the dumpster fire that is the Toronto Maple Leafs, finding a plush Penguin-shaped pillow to land on. Kessel should be a hit in Pittsburgh, where his unrivalled sharpshooting will complement Sidney Crosby’s playmaking perfectly. There’s pressure to win, though, as the Pens’ window of opportunity in the Crosby era is starting to close. —DA

FREDERIK ANDERSEN Goaltender, Anaheim Ducks

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17

Of course, one doesn’t have to be a professional to be affected. Research

by US health advocate Head Case has shown concussion rates in boys’ hockey are second only to football, and it’s on the rise in girls’ hockey, too. The tragedy of Ethan Williams, a 16-year-old WHL prospect, whose suicide his family blames on eight undiagnosed concussions, has only heightened parents’ worries. “Most parents now understand it so well that they’re voting with their feet,” says Tator. Enrolment in youth leagues is tanking, and it’s not just because kids would rather play video games and Snapchat. Building a better helmet for the world’s 1.6 million organized hockey players may be the only thing that can protect the sport's future.

BETTER HELMETS ARE COMING. SOON.

By Omar Mouallem

FOLLOWING A 2012 MATCH in his hometown of Vancouver, Chicago Blackhawks defensemen Steve Montador was paid a locker-room visit by Charles Tator, a friend of his father and a leading voice in sports concussion safety who studies the brains of deceased pro athletes. “When I told Steve what I was doing,” recalls Tator, “he said, ‘If you want my brain one day you can have it.’”

The neurosurgeon never thought he’d have it so soon.

In February, Montador, 35, was found dead in his Mississauga home. His exact cause of death is still unknown (suicide has been ruled out), but Tator, director of the Canadian Sports Concussion Project, found evidence of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative brain condition caused by repeated head collisions that can only be identified posthumously. He was the fifth NHL player diagnosed.

Professional boxing has dealt with its brain injury demons for decades. The NFL, after years of denying the dangers of concussions, is now facing its own crisis point, culminating in a $1 billion legal settlement and an Oscar-bait biopic about the neuropath who first discovered CTE in a football Hall of Famer.

But for hockey, it took the tragic deaths

of retired enforcers like Montador to confront it head-on.

Following the NFL suit, over 200 former NHLers are currently suing the league over claims that it didn’t do enough to prevent and assess injuries, leaving them permanently brain damaged — with dizziness, irritability, impulsivity, impaired vision or dozens more symptoms. “It’s the weirdest feeling,” says Mal Davis, a former Buffalo Sabre who scored the winning goal for the team’s greatest comeback victory, in 1983, and joined the class action suit 31 years later. “It’s like you’re drunk, it’s like you’re in a haze. I started having anxiety attacks, four or five of them in one year.”

IN A BRICK ROOM hardly bigger than a few penalty boxes, Brooklynn Knowles straps an automotive dummy with a black Bauer hockey helmet and cranks a handle until it’s lifted half a metre above a rubber and steel platform. She’s a biomedical engineer in one of the world’s few independent helmet research labs, receiving no funding from manufacturers. And while most have a varied focus, this one at the University of Alberta is almost entirely dedicated to hockey. “All of these helmets have been dropped on this platform,” she says, gesturing to stacks of them — for baseball, football, cycling and motocross — that nearly reach the ceiling. The majority, 58 in all, were built for the ice, for colliding with the surface, the boards, the pucks, the sticks, the shoulders, the fists. And beneath the bone, the foam, the plastic, the brain shakes each time.

The question is at what velocity and acceleration does it shake too much, pushing through the cerebrospinal fluid, colliding with the skull and causing a concussion?

To answer it, she pulls a rope, the

18. ABOUT THOSE LEAFS…

A team doesn’t pay a coach a record-breaking salary (that’d be Mike Babcock and his eight-year, $50 million contract) if they plan on losing.

Then again, a team doesn’t trade its only elite offensive star (that’d be the aforementioned Kessel) if they plan on winning. It hardly matters whether we understand their plan, because one way or another we’re going to hear about them. —DA

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Clockwise: Kari Lehtonen #32 of the Dallas Stars. #44 Brooks Orpik of the Pittsburgh Penguins. David Krejci #46 of the Boston Bruins. #39 Rick DiPietro of the New York Islanders.

19. BUFFALO GETS BETTER

When you finish with the worst points total in the NHL, nobody is going to expect you to do much the next year. In the case of the Buffalo Sabres, though, not only did they end up with second-overall pick Jack Eichel, but they also picked up Ryan O’Reilly, Robin Lehner, Jamie McGinn and David Legwand. All those guys can play, and with new coach Dan Bylsma behind the bench, nobody should be surprised if the Sabres leapfrog plenty of teams in the standings. —DA

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lever drops, and the plastic crown slams into the platform. A shock-measuring system inside the dummy records the severity of the blow. It measures 40-G — or 40-times gravity. It’s well within the 300-G range to keep the shell intact and the skull from fracturing. But this isn’t about the durability of the helmet; it’s about the durability of the brain.

Few pieces of hockey equipment have evolved more than the helmet. Primitive headgear emerged in 1928, when the first professional player stepped on the ice wearing what looked like a leather basket on his head. But very few professionals wore them. They were uncomfortable, and they telegraphed weakness.

Helmets evolved with plastic moulds and suspension systems that cradled the head, but negative perception persisted.

The on-ice death of a Minnesota Stars player who landed on the back of his head, in 1968 — the league’s only one so far — barely shifted it. While helmets didn’t become mandatory for new NHL players until 1979 (a few players, like Craig MacTavish, resisted helmets until 1996), that death was a wake-up call for youth hockey teams, which instituted more stringent rules and called for the

development of better, safer headgear. In addition to optimizing comfort, visibility and ventilation, the helmet industry preoccupied itself with preventing skull fractures. That’s why, with rare exceptions — such as the hairline fracture Mats Zuccarello of the Rangers suffered in April, leaving him literally speechless for days — you rarely hear about cracked skulls in the age of mandatory helmets for amateurs and professionals alike.

“The fact that we’re noting concussions in these athletes is a result of people surviving these head impacts — head impacts that may have otherwise killed them,” says Chris Dennison, director of the lab. Still, the sudden, intense focus on concussions has taken helmet-makers by surprise. “Everybody’s criticizing helmets for something they weren’t designed to do. It’s like calling a car unsafe because it can’t stop a scud missile. Nobody really knows what causes concussions.”

His team is trying to find the relative speeds, angles and rotations that correlate with concussions — and they think they've come pretty close.

Knowles sits at a computer connected to the dummy rig’s mess of wires.

HOW DOES IT The best part about fall? The textures.

Seriously: summer cotton and linen just won’t ever compete with the rough scratch of wool, the heft of good tweed, the suppleness of leather or, even, the slickness of a great waxed cotton raincoat. Plus: all those different, disparate materials? You better believe they look great piled on together.

Photography by Liam Mogan Styling by Christine Brant for Plutino Group

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CROCODILE Clockwise: Crocodile wallet ($2,995) by Tom Ford, at Harry Rosen; crocodile double monk strap shoes ($1,550) by Magnanni, at Holt Renfrew; crocodile briefcase ($7,385) by Santoni; crocodile belt ($995)

by Canali, at Harry Rosen; crocodile embossed leather iPad case (price upon request) by Michael Kors.

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While grooming, like every element of style, is affected by the changing winds of

fashion and trends (you didn’t really think that lumberjack beard would be on point forever, did you?), there are certain inalienable constants. Like the importance of moisturizing, for instance, or the power of having a signature fragrance. Some things in your personal grooming regimen will never change, and other things definitely should. To know the difference, and to help you be the most handsome you can be, we bring you this essential compendium. Feel free to keep it in your bathroom — as if you wouldn’t already.

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A Acne

Evidence of the cruel, random ambivalence of the universe. Because weren’t you supposed to stop waking up to pimples after you went through puberty? Fact is, grown men still get acne. And while your confidence is more resilient now that you’re out of high school, pimples are still frustrating.

Pimples are caused by oils that get trapped in one’s pores. Essentially, as the body sloughs off dead skin, some cells can get caught in the skin’s oil, block the pores and become inflamed.

A simple, effective acne treatment should involve three things:

1. Exfoliation:

Help your body discard the dead skin, and dirt, that can clog the pores. A good scrub every couple of days should help.

2. Moisturize:

While it seems counterintuitive to add moisturizer, which can often feel oily, to your face when the goal is to get rid of excess oil, if you strip your skin of all the natural oils, it will respond by increasing production. That’s where you can run into problems.

3. Clean

“Use a product that contains salicylic acid and/or benzoyl peroxide,” explains dermatologist Ben Barankin. Both of those ingredients have been proven to help eradicate pimples. But, since both ingredients can dry out the skin, you need to be careful.

B A word on

Bullshit It boils down to common sense. At least, that’s what Timothy Caulfield, a professor at the University of Alberta, is telling whoever will listen. In order to test the claims of the grooming industry, Caulfield used the most impressive over-the-counter products he could find for a full year. He had his skin tested before the experiment, then again after, with a different doctor using the same equipment. The result: his skin hadn’t changed a bit.

To be fair, he was mostly testing the

C

NEUTROGENA MEN SKIN CLEARING ACNE WASH $6

JACK BLACK PURE CLEAN DAILY FACIAL CLEANSER $40

Vitamin C: Improves the skin and hair and increases healing.

Retinol: Proven to help fine lines around the eyes.

Caffeine: It really is a miracle.

Callouses, Cuticles and other hand maintenance

What to do with your hands comes down to what women want. As such, hand maintenance can be confounding. We get conflicting messages: should our hands be rough and work-hewn, with callouses to prove our capacity to earn a living (and play the guitar), or should they be soft and manicured to evince the fact that we already do earn a good living, thank you very much. Let no one tell you that grooming is easy.

Best to strive for steadiness. Dry hands are unappealing. Nails are gross.

Callouses are okay, but cracks are not. To wit: every man should have a good manicure kit. Like this one: Art of Shaving 7 pc Manicure Set ($160) Includes:

NAIL CLIPPER Because you’re just going to lose the cheap one

NAIL FILE Because you’re sloppy with your clipping. Also, handy when you can’t find a small screwdriver

TOENAIL CLIPPER Because your toenails are different than your fingernails, thus a bigger tool is required MOUSTACHE SCISSORS Neither involve your hands, it’s true. But, where else are you going to store them?

SLANTED HEAD TWEEZERS Possibly the most useful invention known to man

We recommend:

BILLY JEALOUSY BAR NONE SALICYLIC FACE WASH $25

kind of anti-aging serums marketed at women — especially the kinds that spouted pseudo-scientific claims about using cutting-edge biology like stem cells. Basically: if a product promises something that only a doctor would be able to prescribe, and then delivers on that promise, you’d need a prescription. “Look for products with the best available evidence,” he advises, “and choose the product that works best for you, even if it’s the cheapest.” It’s a good reminder that grooming is, above anything else, completely personal.

Ingredients that aren’t bullshit:

NOSE HAIR SCISSORS

CUTICLE NIPPER Because people do, in fact, notice your cuticles

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Rank & File Our highly scientific ranking of things that do and do not deserve your attention

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WALE WATCHING

It’s finally time to give the chinos a break and bust out the textile of the season: corduroy.

Welcome back, friend. We can’t wait to hear you sing as we walk around.

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BRUSSELS SPROUTS

Call them the cauliflower of 2015. The surprisingly versatile tiny cabbages are in season starting now. Learn how to use them wisely.

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BIEBER’S BACK

The rehabilitation tour of Canada’s biggest pop star culminates in the release of his new album.

Here’s hoping the kid can pull a Timberlake. (He won’t.)

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NOVEMBER RAIN

It’s time you get re-acquainted with the best song named after this liminal month (is it fall? Is it winter? It’s both!). Seriously, those last two minutes? It’s a damn good song.

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A NEW ROCKY FLICK. KIND OF.

Much to the chagrin of dad rockers everywhere, the film Creed will not be a biopic of Scott Stapp. Instead, we’re looking forward to Michael B. Jordan’s turn as Apollo Creed’s son, learning the family trade. Can’t be worse than Rocky V, or Jordan’s last feature for that matter.

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KEEPING IT SNAPPY

We thought it would die an ignominious death like so many online trends before it (RIP MySpace), but turns out Snapchat has some staying power (ironic, since the videos you make with it don’t). And incidentally: follow us on Snapchat!

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DONALD TRUMPKINS

We’re calling it — this Halloween, you’re going to see a lot of jack-o’-lanterns cut in the likeness of presidential candidate Donald Trump. The Don already has the pumpkin colouring down.

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Photo: Getty / Gilbert Carrasquillo, Kevin Mazur, Jamie McCarthy.

Apparently based on a beloved comic that we haven’t read, we’re just happy to have Krysten Ritter back on our screens.

That she’s a kick-ass private investigator is even better.