Queen Sketches

doesn’t help, cue being stuck on the Titanic when it’s sinking or seeing someone from your tired footsoldier.

The constant feeling of nausea every hour has encouraged snack consumption, and the cold, dull weather hasn’t helped my step count and yet despite this, I am making sure positive changes are afoot. A recent overcast and still Saturday I spent making homemade potato and leek soup. There is something so instinctual and satisfying about adding fresh leeks, potato carrot, onion and butter to the pan and smelling watching the vegetables simmer busily in the stock as they turn soft. Sitting cross-legged on the sofa, blowing onto my hot soup, I quietly felt the simple pleasure of feeding oneself well, of valuing my own health. When he was trying to appeal to my 11-year-old horse mad self, my dad used to compare eating good food to feeding a racehorse or to fuelling a racing car (when he was trying to appeal to my younger brother), in that if you put good things in, you get good things out – an adage for physiological, mental and dietary health that only hit the mark years later. The next aspect of health for me to level up on is my physiological health. I had successfully done 30-days of yoga during lockdown #1, so recently I reloaded my favourite YouTube yoga channel and began. Just 15 minutes in, after doing a series of twists and ‘cat/cow’ positions I felt a sense of gratefulness swell inside of me. I did not have before the realisation that ‘I am doing something for myself to honour myself and it feels good’ kicked in. This was a lovely, quiet feeling for me, a person who had spent years berating and hating my body for being all wrong. Getting a cheap step tracker is next on my list of health improvements going into spring. Currently, most of my steps during the working week consist of going from the table to the kettle or for a quick walk with the dog. My plan is to walk more, perhaps working up to a 5k run. I know when I do these things, my body says thank you via deeper breathing, tired muscles and the peace and calm that comes from being physically rather than mentally tired. My mental health improvement may take some time. It is only in the past few years that I have actually understood mental health for the positive and on some days, those hardearned tools lose their precision, but at least on a good day I know I CAN make some difference. For me, this is knowing when I am feeling tired and ratty and taking an early night, realising an untidy house really does equal and untidy and stressed mind and knowing that when the dog comes in with cleaning, this isn’t a faff to be avoided, it’s a roadblock to put in place to ward of deteriorating mental health.

It is also realising that relying on people isn’t a bad thing and that connection keeps us whole and centred. Being around an upbeat person is sometimes all it takes to shift my mindset and feeling too tired or anxious to socialise doesn’t help in the long term. This past year has taught me that for the sake of our mental health, we are people that need people. Zoom calls or WhatsApp chat groups just don’t get to the crux of the matter, the type where a friend looks you square in the face and asks ‘how are you doing?’, followed by the unsaid word of ‘really’, that requests an honest answer, an answer easier to shy away from on a screen. The changes going on in the world, society, and on who I am and the person I want to be. I want to be someone that values my mental, physiological and dietary health, holding myself to account with the question ‘What would a person who has their life together do right now?’. The answer will change daily, but, at the beginning of my spring health journey, I do know it will involve feeling alive, joyous and connected and perhaps a rationed biscuit here and there too.

“It is also realising that relying on people isn’t a bad thing and that connection keeps us whole and centred.”

By Rebecca Carter Rebecca Carter is a 30-something-year-old who has found her home in the Cambridgeshire fens. She believes that writing is a journey of discovery and truth. In quiet fen roads, reading or listening to classical music.