Issue 52 // February 2022 // Love, Sex and Relationships
February 2022
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Cooglife’s love playlist
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Date ideas based on their zodiac sign
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A guide through the Pill Club and other methods of birth
control 11-12
Apps to keep in touch with the love of your life
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Discreet sex toys for your dorm
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Oversexualization of queer people in media is ruining perceptions of queer relationships
18-19 20-21
Queer sex ed: Discovering LGBTQ+ love, intimacy and relationships for yourself Reading erotica is a valid first step to learning about sex
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QUIZ: Which dating app should you use?
EDITORIAL
McKenzie Misiaszek Executive Editor cooglife@thedailycougar.com
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COVERS
Juana Garcia, Creative Director of The Cougar
WRITING
Haya Panjwani Donna Keeya creative@thedailycougar.com Cynthia Isabel Zelaya Ordoñez Jeana’e Jackson Katherine Galland Logan Linder Atirikta Kumar Sydney Rose
SOCIALS cooglife @cooglifemag @cooglife
EDITOR’S LETTER Howdy y’all,
to queer sex ed, a birth control guide and of course we’re talking about
I hope the
dating and relationship apps.
beginning of everyone’s
All of our stories, including one we
semester is
just couldn’t fit, are also available on
going well! Our
our website Cooglife.com.
February issue is always our
I hope you enjoy all the stories
“love, sex and
we’ve done for you this edition and I
relationships”
hope everyone has a great February!
issue, and I’ve been excited to get here from day
Thanks for reading,
one. McKenzie Misiaszek First of all, major shoutout to Juana
Executive Editor
Garcia for both the front and back covers of this issue. They are easily my favorite so far! Making this edition was no easy task. From the stories to getting it printed I am so glad we made it into your, our reader’s, hands. I wanted to make sure our articles for this issue applied to everyone. From sex toys for those with penises, 3 COOGLIFE // February 2022 COOGLIFE // February 2022
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CONTACT OUR LEASING OFFICE - 3509 Elgin Houston, TX 77004 | (713) 344-1684
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Cooglife’s love playlist There’s a few of those classic songs that you and your significant other probably have already heard of. While Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You,” or Bruno Mars’ “Just The Way You Are” will always remain timeless, they’re just a little overplayed at this point. So this February, jam out to some of these other songs from more international and independent artists, and also some basic, more recognizable artists, that’ll give you the same type of butterflies Mars or Houston would make you feel. By Haya Panjwani
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First date ideas based on their zodiac sign Zodiac signs are real and we at Cooglife refuse to hear otherwise. Based on vibes, our resident astrology expert came up with 12 unique dates for the 12 unique signs. If you do not like your date, we suggest taking a look at your moon, rising or Venus -- or just come up with something yourself. By Donna Keeya
W
ith the current emphasis of astrology in pop culture, considering someone’s zodiac sign seems to be a prevalent aspect of the relationship when you first start dating someone. As Valentine’s Day is around the corner, here are some ideal first dates I’ve planned around each sign of the zodiac. Take this advice at your own risk, as I’m really not qualified to be giving it. But yeah, have fun, stay safe and have a great Valentine’s Day. Aries When I think of Aries, I think youthful, competitive and incredibly active. With that being said, I think axe throwing would be a fun way to bond with an Aries and get to see them in their natural habitat. I also think Aries do have a taste for life’s finer things, so they could be a great person to take to a trendy new bar. I would also bet that they would order a liquor heavy, serious drink to let their date know that they aren’t here to play.
Taurus Every time I see those TikToks of people being outside and in love, I think of Taurus. I believe the most ideal first date for a Taurus would be to be a sunny day picnic accompanied by the perfect charcuterie board. I also really do think this would be the type of date where you would end up making a cheesy TikTok, so I would mentally prepare yourself for that.
Gemini Geminis are fun. I’m sure a date with a Gemini would be fun. With such a youthful and playful spirit, I think anything involving a game would satisfy a Gemini. Specifically, I could really see them enjoying dressing up and going to a NBA game and channeling the Hailey Bieber/Bella Hadid/Kendall Jenner courtside aura. I also think they would be down to spontaneously get tattoos or piercings afterwards, truly living this life in the moment.
Cancer In my head, going on a date with a Cancer is like hearing stories of your parents dating way back when, getting excited to call each other from a rotary phone. Okay your parents probably aren’t that old, but I digress. I would recommend cooking a nice meal with your Cancer date and lighting some scented candles or something. Maybe play We’re Not Really Strangers, idk that might be doing too much but hey - you never know how it could go.
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Leo To put it in simple terms, Leos enjoy this life. Kind of like Geminis, they enjoy the games, they value fun. I think Leos would love to go on a dinner date to a Korean barbeque place or Hot Pot, something that can entertain them with the cooking aspect, but is still fancy and gives them an opportunity to have a photoshoot.
Virgo If you are looking for organization and an extremely fleshed out date plan, you should go out with a Virgo. I can’t really explain why but when I think of virgos dating, I think of two freshmen studying in M.D. Anderson Library and then going to a frat party afterwards. But my revised date suggestion would be to go to your local Barnes and Noble and casually chat while studying, and then heading off to your dinner reservation at a Cheesecake Factory type place 15 minutes early.
Libra Libras are hard to please. But they have such nice taste that I’m sure a date with one would be pleasurable. I would recommend going out to somewhere that would feed into their luxurious taste, like maybe The Post or a contemporary art museum. For dinner, I think the newest sushi place would be ideal.
Scorpio One thing about scorpios- they are mysterious. I think for a first date especially, they would love to be in an environment where they won’t be easily perceived. I think scorpios had to have invented that -post a man’s hands as an Instagram soft launch move- but let me get back on topic. For a date with a scorpio you should go to a dark, mysterious restaurant. Afterwards they would go back to someone’s place. That’s all I have to say.
Sagittarius As a mutable and fire sign, sagittarius likes to have fun and enjoy this life. For that reason I would recommend a date that romanticizes a simple life, like trivia night at a bar with a cover band playing live music. For dinner, I would recommend keeping the fun easy going thing going by eating at a casual and cute food truck.
Capricorn Capricorn is a productive sign. If you are going on a date with one of these girl bosses, I think you should match their energy. A great way to do this could be through an early morning hike. As an earth sign, they will get their nature fix in, while fulfilling their need for productivity. To top it all off, y’all should go to a local diner afterwards that’s probably run by some people’s grandparents.
Aquarius Similar to sagittarius, on a date with an aquarius I think you’re better off going with the simple route. Starting off with the meal, a middle-tier suburban chain is the way to go. Mod Pizza. Blaze Pizza. Five Guys. Salata. All great options for an aquarius. As far as the activity, a popular and casual game like roller skating or bowling will probably go well. Worst case scenario you could probably get a cute picture from it.
Pisces As the last sign of the zodiac, pisces have such a value for life and nature’s soothing pleasures. A great date with a pisces would be picking strawberries at a farm.Take the long way driving back home. Listen to relaxing indie music. Live life like it’s a Kacey Musgraves song. COOGLIFE // February 2022 COOGLIFE // February 2022
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A guide through the Pill Club and other methods of birth control Birth control is such an important thing to consider for those who are sexually active. Finding the right kind for you may seem overwhelming, but this guide is a solid place to start. By Cynthia Isabel Zelaya Ordoñez
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et’s talk about sex.
Or at least, let’s talk about having safe sex, and diffrent methods of contracaptive measures available to you, specifically a service called The Pill Club. Ladies, this article is going to be more for you. But I highly encourage anyone else to tune in to learn a thing or two about their partners, sisters, mothers or even just for fun. Let’s pretend I’m your big sister, here with a crash course into the world of birth control. I will give you all the information I can, in the clearest way I can. However, note I am not a medical professional, and everybody is different. Please consult your own before making drastic changes or sticking to a contraceptive measure you are unsure about. Also note, this article is NOT sponsored bcy the Pill Club, a local pharmacy, or any other interested entity. Everything I talk about are things I have either paid to try myself with my own money or researched over the years as potential options for myself.
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The Pill Club is a monthly subscription service that provides affordable birth control to women in the United States. You may have seen their brightly-colored, holographic packaging in an Instagram ad or two and initially wondered if it was too good to be true. Their website advertises no cost with most insurances, and a monthly billing starting at $7 if you don’t have insurance. This is all true. And the company doesn’t just offer the cheapest options of contraception. Each monthly subscription comes with some goodies to make that time of the month a little less horrible So what’s in the bag? Aside from birth control, you can always count on a sticker and a snack. Sometimes, you get a cute beauty product. Some of the highlights this year have been Bumbum cream and gold eye masks. Sometimes,you get to sample a small business’ tampon, condom, pad or lube. But now, we need to turn to the main event; birth control. Let’s go over the different
methods offered by the Pill Club as a part of their monthly subscription. ‘The Pill’ The almighty birth control pill is a daily medication that combines estrogen and progestin to prevent pregnancy. It usually comes in packages of 28 pills, seven for each week. The first three weeks are of one color, with the last week of a contrasting color. This is because the colored ones contain the hormones that prevent pregnancy, and the others do not. You likely won’t get pregnant if you have intercourse while on the nonhormonal week, but the lack of hormones will trigger your period. Consider this your built-in pregnancy monthly pregnancy test provided by mother nature. However, if you don’t want to deal with your period for whatever reason (pain, prior engagements, just not in the mood, etc.) you can skip the final week and go straight into your next package of birth control pills. Skipping your period every now and then is
not scientifically proven to be harmful, but continual skips may lead to breakthrough bleeding. Like swapping out contacts for glasses every once in a while, let your body breathe. Generic Plan B Unprotected sex? You don’t want a baby? Solution: Plan B. You can always pick up an emergency levonorgestrel contraceptive over-thecounter from your local pharmacy. A levonorgestrel is a synthetic protesgen used in most birth control. To put it simply, you’re getting a mega dose of daily birth control, enough to be 75% to 89% effective at preventing a pregnancy within three days after you’ve had unprotected sex. And that’s the key word, ‘within.’ Plan B is less effective with every hour that passes from when you last had unprotected sex. I know $40 to $60 dollars for two little pills sucks right now, but just buy it… NOW. It’s the cheapest option, right before a stronger emergency contraceptive you get from a secret drive to Mexico, that painful Salvadoran herbal pregnancy remedy your Abuelita makes that’ll put you in a hospital, the flight to a pro-choice state to have a proceedure, or (if you wait a little too long) the average $300,000 it takes to raise a child in the U.S.
Luckily, a couple of these Plan B pills are included in your Pill Club subscription. They don’t come in every month’s package, as they’re not meant to be used often. They aren’t good for you, they suck, and it’s more financially beneficial to use a different birth control method responsibly than to have to run to Plan B like it’s your plan A. Female Condom A lot of people aren’t aware this is an option. Others may only vaguely remember it as part of health class in middle school. These condoms come every so often in your prescription, but they are few and far between if you didn’t choose them as your preferred type of condom. Male Condom This is the one we’re the most familiar with. So many iconic sex ed scenes in movies and television have featured it. It’s also arguably the easiest to put on. It comes pre-rolled, pre-lubed and pre-packaged in single packets for easy travel. You pinch the top to leave room for any ejaculate so it won’t come out the other end and defeat the purpose of the condom in the first place. Then you place it at the head of the penis and roll onto an erect member until the end reaches the base. In order for the condom to stay on, it MUST be the right
size. After each use, the condom should be discarded and replaced with a new one. Condoms are included in some of your monthly subscription packages. They are often from smaller companies and rarely from the same brand, so you have the opportunity to try something new. Side Rant: If your partner does not want to wear a condom, you do not have to have sex. And if a man ever starts making excuses tell him to shut up. Condoms aren’t always fun for women either, but you’re not complaining. If you decide to compromise and move on to an option that allows more skin to skin contact like and IUD, and implant, or the pill, you’re likely the one that’s going to pay for it, maintain it, and deal with any long-term consequences to your health. Any man that refuses to use a condom doesn’t need to be having sex with anyone. So we’ve gone over the options provided by the Pill Club. However, there are a couple of other ways. Let’s go over them quickly. IUD This T-shaped contraction comes in hormonal and nonhormonal varieties. It goes up your uterus and emits hormones (or uses copper to kill sperm), preventing egg COOGLIFE // February 2022
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fertilization. It can last three to 10 years and costs anywhere from $0 to $1300, depending on your insurance. Now it can move about inside due to vigorous activity or for no reason at all. It may cause pain, but can also be fixed by a doctor. The Implant A rod placed in your forearm releases a low, steady dose of a progestational hormone to thicken cervical mucus and thin the lining of the uterus, according to the Mayo Clinic. Contraceptive implants typically suppress ovulation as well. It lasts for up to three years and costs $0 to $1300, depending on insurance. It’s
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great, works 99 percent of the time, and you won’t even know it’s there. I have not used it, but friends report it can cause an increase in acne and blood spotting, just like many hormonal birth controls. Tie The Tubes Women can have an invasive procedure called a bilateral tubal ligation. It works 99 percent of the time and is NOT reversible. It is also a real surgery you need real time to recover from and money to pay for the procedure with, as most insurances won’t cover it. This also isn’t the easiest procedure to get. Many doctors will not perform this on you until you’ve had children or are in your 30s.
Remember, these are not the only options out there. There’s a patch, a shot, a vaginal ring and a few others. The list goes on and on. Be sure to consult with your gynecologist to choose the best method for you. If you are married or in a lifetime relationship in which neither party wants children, let your male partner prove his love for you by having a vasectomy. It isn’t as invasive nor risky, it’s reversible, and is cheaper than a BTL. Plus, doctors are a lot more likely to perform this operation all willy nilly.
Apps to keep in touch with the love of your life
Everyone knows about dating apps, but relationship apps are the next step. Whether you want to build a deeper connection with your partner, send and create playlists or just mess around with technology -- there’s an app for that. By Jeana’e Jackson
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t can be difficult to connect with a partner if you can’t see them everyday. Whether it be a long distance relationship, conflicting schedules or anything in between, there are dozens of apps designed to help one reconnect with their partner. These apps are designed to strengthen relationships and keep things fun. They also allow couples to discuss more serious topics that may need improvement in their relationship. For couples who are in long distance relationships, or simply just want to spice up the energy with their partners, here are some
tech-savvy apps created to improve the ways couples communicate with their significant others.
Between Advertised as “a private mobile space for two in love,” Between is a multifaceted app designed to create a private space for couples “in love.” Some elements that stand out to me are being able to
track important milestones through this app. Often, it can be difficult to keep up with anniversary dates, and this app makes it easy to keep up with everything “in between.” This app allows couples to chat, share videos, photos and schedules. In a way, you create your own space with your partner designed just for the two of you. The beauty behind this app is that it presents a platform for you and your partner to feel like you’re essentially dating each other again. Those “butterflies in your stomach” should never go away. If they do it’s ok, this is why this app is here. Rebuilding any relationship COOGLIFE // February 2022
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takes time and dedication. Between offers a safe platform for couples to experience “all those feels” and it’s a beautiful feeling to experience when it’s shared with the right person.
Paired I’m recently engaged, and I love the content in the Paired app. There are daily quizzes that you and your significant other can take and the answers are revealed once both people respond. Topics such as sex, family and friends and meaning and growth are all quizzes available on this app. Paired allows you to keep track of your answers, which is helpful so you can reflect on the conversations you have with your significant other. One important question to keep in mind with any relationship is “why are you together in the first place?” While using this app in my personal life, I began to walk down memory lane with my fiancé everyday. 12
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The quizzes in this app are each other everyday. so diverse that there are no limitations with what to chat This app also allows about. couples to share music playlists together for special As humans, we’re constantly occasions or just day to day evolving through various activities. chapters in our lives. From experience, I’ve been One significant element in a relationship for six about this app that I enjoy years and I can truly say is how inclusive Tuned I’m constantly learning is with embracing queer new things about my couples. We all deserve to relationship during our time feel recognized with the together. person we love and it’s refreshing to see this within With the help of Paired, the platform. you’ll be able to identify these elements, and it’s Some people refer to Tuned refreshing to chat with your as “a personal diary” for you partner in this app. Whether and your significant other. it’s old or new, enjoy the Topics you can find in this journey of building those app can be “who’s more deeper connections through romantic?” or “who’s more enlightening conversations. likely to hog the couch?” There’s a fine balance between spicy, salty and sweet in this app.
Tuned Advertised as “a space to grow your love story,” Tuned is a unique app because it’s designed like a mini social media platform for couples. You’re able to send gifs, highlights and love notes to your significant other. Tuned has amazing reviews and allows both partners to celebrate
You may find that texting your spouse is just the same as talking to them on these apps, and that can be a very valid point. However, with their technology, they are all designed to embrace a deeper meaning with personal bonds. Enjoy your partner with meaningful conversations this Valentine’s Day and allow yourself to feel more connected with the person you love.
Discreet sex toys for your dorm No one wants to be caught masturbating...unless you’re into that. Yes, of course masturbating is a thing almost everyone does and should be normalized, but out of respect for your roomie (and maybe just for privacy) we have come up with a list of easily hidden, and nonobvious sex toys for your room. By McKenzie Misiaszek Whether you’re living on campus in a cramped dorm or simply don’t want to have a dildo or fleshlight sitting on your nightstand, discreet sex toys can get you off without getting you caught. Sex toys have evolved from the obvious penis (or vagina) shaped tool to small, powerful machines able to get the job done in a minute or less – depending on your preferences. When curating this list we at Cooglife kept men in mind as well, and all of the items are easily found online, or linked directly on our website Cooglife.com. Better Love Rose Vibrator This is that rose vibrator that went viral on TikTok a few months ago. Hopefully it wasn’t just on my “for you” page that creators were raving about this thing. Many who used it said it was the best orgasam of their life, or they came in under a minute. The vibrator focuses specifically on the clitoris,
has 10 different modes, is waterproof and easily rechargeable. The best part of everything is that it is currently on sale for Valentine’s Day. If you decide to purchase this vibe, not only is it also small and easily hidden, but if your roomie isn’t in the know, they might just think it’s some weird rose thing. Tenga Egg This is for those with penises. If you’ve heard of a Fleshlight this is basically the small, discreet version of that. Essentially, this egg shaped device is hollow and ribbed on the inside and expands to accommodate most sizes. This toy is waterproof, latexfree and less than 3 inches tall. Considering the depth of most men’s pants pockets this could fit in there, and these aren’t widely popular, meaning this is probably the most easily hidden toy on the list. Crave Bullet Vibrator This vibe looks more like a charging port than a sex
toy. It has four speeds and is waterproof – and while it does less and costs more it is a classic. More discreet than the rose vibe, your roomie probably wouldn’t know what it was even if you left it on your bedside table. It’s also supposed to be super quiet. Crave Bullet Vibrator This vibe looks more like a charging port than a sex toy. It has four speeds and is waterproof – and while it does less and costs more it is a classic. More discreet than the rose vibe, your roomie probably wouldn’t know what it was even if you left it on your bedside table. It’s also supposed to be super quiet. Rianne S. Heart Vibe This one is shaped like a heart, which is just super cute. This vibe also has 10 speeds and is waterproof. The unique shape allows for different uses, and makes it not as immediately obvious what it is. Happy shopping!
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Oversexualization of queer people in media is ruining perceptions of queer relationships
Think of a movie or TV show with a queer couple. What’s their age difference? Are they respected by their peers? Are they having a lot of sex? While there’s nothing wrong with queer people having a lot of sex, often that’s what media focuses on. When queer people on screen are overportrayed having sex it can hurt perceptions of what queer relationships are. By Katherine Galland
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he first time I was exposed to queer cinema was through “Blue is the Warmest Colour” at the ripe age of 14. I settled down in my bed to watch the French film on my mom’s laptop, using the family Netflix account. I stared wide-eyed at the first mainstream depiction of a queer female couple I had ever seen. At the start of the movie, I relished the idea that maybe someday I could find a nice blue-haired butch to take me in and show me the ropes. Then I was hit with a sex scene between the main couple. To many, including the cast, this scene became the focus of the movie. Not only is 14
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the scene over six minutes, making it almost absurdly long for a big-screen film, but the scene alone was filmed over 10 days, and directed by a man. It was a scene that informed young queer people like myself and heterosexual audiences what sapphic sex was like.
“Not only is the scene over six minutes, making it almost absurdly long for a bigscreen film, but the scene alone was filmed over 10 days, and directed by a man.” This specific scene, along with more sprinkled throughout
the film, made the bold claim that sex is the focus of queer relationships and that queer sex is an acceptable facet of relationships that are otherwise seen as perverse to society. But the depiction of queer sex in “Blue is the Warmest Colour” is not simply a bad egg from a good hen. It’s a bad egg, from a bad hen, in a bad coop, raised by a bad farmer. Oversexualization of queer folks in the media runs rampant and gives both LGBTQ+ and heterosexual people incorrect, damaging and confusing pictures of what the expectations of queer relationships are. Oversexualization
(also referred to as hypersexualization) is defined by the presence of sexdriven relationships within media. In regards to queer relationships, one of the most common examples is the consumption and creation of lesbian porn by and for heterosexual men. While many argue that “all representation is good representation,” the facts of the matter are much more nuanced. The oversexualized presence of queer people within media leads to confusing views on what it really means to be queer. With lesbianism in mind, one scholar states that there are six types of commonly stereotyped lesbians. Those being: the hot lesbian, the out lesbian, the closeted lesbian, the butch lesbian, the feminine lesbian and the bisexual lesbian. While there are certainly lesbians who fit these stereotypes, the lesbian experience is different for everyone who identifies as such. Drew Gregory, a trans-lesbian and writer for Autostraddle wrote about her feelings towards the trans-lesbian representation in the popular show “Euphoria” in a piece aptly named “I love Euphoria and I hate it.” “It’s devastating to watch a show that is both everything I want to see on TV and
everything I don’t want to see on TV all in one,” Gregory said. Hunter Schafer’s character, Jules, is a trans teen who develops a romance with Zendaya’s character, Rue. The trans experience is one that is not commonly represented, and even less so is that of a trans woman involved in a WLW (woman-loving-woman) relationship. According to Gregory though, this representation fell extremely flat.
In another moment, Jules hooks up with a man on Grindr who is looking for “twinks and femboys.” Two things that Jules is not.
“Euphoria” boasts an audience of over 2.4 million viewers. Many may be seeing a trans character for the first time, and they are being fed with the idea that trans women are not women, or that they should be seen as “femboys” or “woman-lite.” Through the first season, Jules’ character is developed heavily through these On one hand, Jules’ sexual encounters, boldly relationship with Rue portrays claiming that Jules’ identity a dynamic very rarely shown as a trans woman is defined on screen. But, on the other, by her sexual experiences the show goes back and forth leaving audiences to draw between insinuating that the incorrect conclusion that Jules’ sexual relationships sexual orientation and gender with men in the show affirm identity are defined by sex. her womanhood, to claiming that the men who have sex As illustrated by Jules’ with Jules in the show are character, over-sexualization secretly gay—implying that is more than just Jules is not a woman. objectification, but it can also be fetishization (as in Jules’ But, on the other, relationships with men who the show goes back do not affirm her identity), and forth between and often includes queer insinuating that people being depicted as Jules’ sexual sexual predators. Norman relationships Bates in “Psycho,” Buffalo with men in the Bill in “Silence of the Lambs,” show affirm her Phil Burbank in “The Power womanhood, to of the Dog” and Oliver in “Call claiming that the Me By Your Name” are some men who have sex noteworthy examples of with Jules in the predatory queer characters.
show are secretly gay—implying that Jules is not a woman.
Norman Bates dresses up as his late mother while killing his victims, Buffalo Bill is a COOGLIFE // February 2022
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trans murderer, Phil Burbank attempts to groom a young boy, Oliver succeeds in doing so. All of these characters reinforce the somewhat mainstream idea that queer people are something to be feared. Karamo Brown, who is not only a member of QueerEye’s Fab 5 and a pillar for the LGBTQ+ community, but also a psychotherapist and licensed social worker, called “Call Me By Your Name” “problematic as f—.” “I think to myself, ‘If that was an older man or a perceived college student who looked that much older with a 16 or 17-year-old girl, we would have all had a hissy fit,’” he said to INSIDER. “We would have recognized that this is a problem. But for some reason, because it was two men, we’re just like, ‘Oh, well this is just exploration.’” And it is true. Cheyenne Montgomery of the Boston Globe called “Call Me By Your Name” a “dishonest, dangerous film.” “[It] isn’t about an older man and a younger man. It falsely romanticizes an exploitative relationship between a grown man and a teenager. These manipulative relationships cause lasting damage, as I know from my own experience,” Montgomery said. “This film has the potential to cause real harm 16
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by normalizing this kind of sexual predation. It could be particularly damaging for LGBT youth, who are already at high risk for depression and suicide.” I’m sure many would agree that the glamorization of abusive relationships is inherently problematic. But the issue is not simply that queer youth are already at a higher risk of suicide. NPR released an interview with a gay man who told his story of downloading the gay dating app, Grindr, at only 13 years old. The man, German Chavez said he just wanted to learn about gayness, because in his house the word ‘gay’ was “like cancer.” “‘My intentions were so pure and holy. But they were just like to know, like, about gay men. What do gay men eat? What do gay men like? How is it, like, growing up gay?,’” Chavez said. He would lie about his age on the app, saying that he was 18. This is not an uncommon phenomenon. In fact, a 2018 Northwestern University study found more than half of sexually active gay and bisexual adolescent boys found sexual partners on Grindr. Many queer youths turn to dating sites because there are not many “real-life” spaces for queer people to meet each other, especially at such a
young age. Thus, some queer kids find themselves lying about their age and searching for older queer people to “show them the ropes,” but what they get is not that simple. With these facts in mind, “Call Me By Your Name” becomes all the more sinister. As Montgomery put it: No, “Call Me by Your Name” isn’t a radical, brilliant piece of art. We need to call it by its name. That name is abuse.” Much of this problem can be attributed to the fact that queer people are not given the ability to pioneer their own stories. Oftentimes, popular queer stories are written, directed and/or acted by straight people.
“Much of this problem can be attributed to the fact that queer people are not given the ability to pioneer their own stories.” To call “Euphoria” back into question—cis, straight, 40year old Hollywood-born and raised white man Sam Levinson wrote the entire first season alone, one of the few showrunners across all television networks to write without a writers room. This decision is especially interesting considering the fact that the main characters
of the show include a Black teenage queer drug addict, a teenage queer trans woman and a teenage Latina. There would likely be less questionable and downright problematic representation if the people with stories like the ones Levinson was writing were actually able to share their experiences. “Blue is the Warmest Color” was directed by a straight man. “Danish Girl” is a film based on the true story of a trans woman. The trans woman in the film is played by Eddie Redmayne, a cis man. In “Brokeback Mountain,” the two queer characters are played by two straight men. In “Call Me By Your Name,” it is the same. When characters are written, directed, and played by people who do not truly understand the experience they are supposed to embody, the queer experience becomes onedimensional. This creates further inaccuracies and dumbs relationships down to be about the sexual aspects instead of anything else. And not only that, but when queer characters are played by straight actors, it further emphasizes the fictional aspects of the story, leaving the reality of queerness in question.
“When characters are written, directed, and played by people who do not truly understand the experience they are supposed to embody, the queer experience becomes onedimensional.” So, when I sat down to watch “Blue is the Warmest Color” at 14, I was not prepared for the psychological impact on me or the fact that I would subconsciously view it as the blueprint for my future relationships. As a lesbian woman, I can say that blueprint only works to create failed relationships with unrealistic expectations. The reality is that the LGBTQ+ experience is nuanced, it is not defined by sex nor is it inherently predatory. Viewing media that claims such is a huge barrier to progress within the community. It is absolutely essential to view realistic queer media for both LGBTQ+ and straight people in order for society to have a better understanding of what it means to be queer.
“It is absolutely essential to view realistic queer media for both LGBTQ+ and straight people in order for society to have a better understanding of what it means to be queer.” Some of my personal recommendations would be “Pariah,” a film about a young stud navigating her relationship with religious parents, “Giovanni’s Room,” a book about the troubles of a man who falls in love with a bartender in Paris, “Portrait of a Lady on Fire,” a film about an artist and her painting subject who fall in love, and “Trixie and Katya’s Modern Guide To Womanhood,” a comedic examination of womanhood written by two drag queens. Through the consumption of more realistic and representative media, the creation of harmful media like “Blue is the Warmest Color” is discouraged, and it leaves room for real stories to be told.
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Queer sex ed:
A
s someone whose journey with their sexuality took years to complete, it wasn’t until recently when I realized I was completely clueless when it comes to queer sex ed and that what I was taught before high school was essentially useless. In fifth grade, I remember being sent to a room with just girls where we learned about what happens if you get pregnant; it’s all your fault and your life is ruined. Yes you can get pregnant, but that pretty much sums up the accurate information I was taught by my school. While I don’t remember much of what I was taught in middle school, I do remember that we were once again taught about bad things that happen when you have sex, and why to not do it. I was never taught anything 18
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Discovering LGBTQ+ love, intimacy and relationships for yourself
about Figuring out who you are is hard, and if you queer sex realize that you may be queer that leads to in school, a whole new world of things to learn about. not even the One of those things is queer focused sex ed. most basic How does queer sex work? What about STD aspects of prevention? School sure didn’t teach it. it. An article By Logan Linder from US News shows that only identity sooner. For LGBTQ+ seven states and the District identifying students who of Columbia require LGBTQhad had to sit through being inclusive sex education, and taught hetero sex education, only 30 states mandate any the information they type of sex education. learned didn’t benefit them whatsoever. “This type of education is important to provide because I didn’t have my first official LGBTQ+ youth are at a higher date with someone who risk of contracting STIs than wasn’t a guy until May of last their cis-het counterparts year. While my emotions due to the lack of discussion finally fit into place and made surrounding sex with diverse sense, it didn’t take long for bodies,” Youth Services me to realize I had absolutely Specialist at the Montrose no knowledge of how to Center, Kyra Hill, said. initiate something or what relationships were supposed If LGBTQ+ sex education had to look like. been taught, or even just briefly mentioned, it would Once I got to college, I started have opened my eyes earlier venturing out more and and allowed me to become became more open to dating, more comfortable in my yet still cautious about who
I let into my life. When I felt comfortable enough in my lesbian identity and finally did start dating, I had a complete breakdown because of how little I knew about queer relationships in general. There’s more involved than just emotional connection and conversations.
diseases, sexually transmitted infections, and any other form of diseases.
As I researched, I found an article from Healthline that details different kinds of protection recommended for same-sex relationships. Dental dams, both outside and inside condoms, finger Media such as TV shows and cots and more can all protect movies just added to that, you and your partner from a because everything I’d seen STD or STI. The main form of was so insanely unrealistic and protection I was unaware of set unreachable expectations. was dental dams, as I never Reaching out to friends more thought about needing that experienced than me and form of protection. consulting trusted websites, I managed to find helpful Although there is no risk of information that clued me into pregnancy during oral sex, things I wish I was taught and dental dams are the main knew sooner. form of protection used. These act as a barrier in order Porn, specifically lesbian to prevent STIs and are overall porn, is catered more a safe and vital option when it towards the male gaze and comes to protecting you and shows little of the actual your partner. acts performed. This warps lesbians’ perspective of sex, as it’s frequently viewed as a way The CDC has an article to please men instead of the covering STDs and sexual people involved. health between gay and One of the most important bisexual men, which details things when it comes to any ways to prevent the kind of sex is protection. spread of STDs What I had been taught in and how school was that you only need protection if you are trying to prevent pregnancies, but that isn’t an issue in a decent percentage of queer relationships. However, protection is still needed when it comes to samesex relationships in order to prevent sexually transmitted
dangerous they can be. Condoms are always recommended and there are vaccines available to protect against Hepatitis A, Hepatitis B, and HPV. They also encourage regular conversations with your partner about sexual health and STD testing. While there’s an online surplus of information regarding queer sex education, it would be more beneficial to the new generation of queer youth if more information was given in junior high or middle school. There’s more information to be both learned and taught, but this basic information acts as a short guide to queer sex safey and health.
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is still a taboo topic in many Reading erotica is Sex parts of the world -- within America and outside of it. When is shamed for discussing it, a valid first step to one finding resources may be scary. Stumbling across it in a book be the first step into even learning about sex may knowing how it works. By Atirikta Kumar
B
ooks open our minds to different kinds of worlds, perspectives and realities. We learn about various forms of cultures, places and perspectives from reading different genres. Reading can help us better understand ourselves and the world around us, so it’s reasonable to learn about sex through reading fiction – specifically erotica. Growing up in India, topics like relationships outside of marriage, sex and even 20 COOGLIFE
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periods, are considered taboo, among many others. Given the tight-lipped nature of anything related to sex, my school in India had little to no information on sex-ed. In fact, the boys and girls were separated in my seventhgrade biology class when the chapter was on puberty. Skimming through everything in the textbooks, this chapter was a whisper in the curriculum that semester. Girls and boys could not talk about it in front of each other,
and how could we, when we didn’t know what to talk about? There was just this knowledge that our bodies go through changes when we are growing up, and that there is something called sex that happens and that’s how babies are made. When I moved to Texas at the start of my freshmen year in 2017, I wasn’t taught sex-ed in any of my health classes. I’m not sure whether it was because my class already had a lesson on that prior
to freshmen year, or it was because my school didn’t teach sex-ed. With practically no knowledge about sex, my first encounter with any form of sexual relations was when I unknowingly stumbled across a sex scene in a book I was reading my junior year of high school. I barely had any sex-ed knowlage, so while I knew that sex was two people being intimate, I had no knowledge of what it entailed and or anything surrounding it. Instead, I only knew it to be something ominous because of its taboo nature, both within the school and the environment in India. At first, I was very confused when I first read a sex scene, and a little embarrassed too. I skimmed through it at first and eventually, as I started reading more fantasy and new adult books that included such scenes I became more comfortable with it. I essentially learned what sex was and what it entailed: intercourse, foreplay, sexual and emotional intimacy through books that included explicit scenes. It is important to note that while some romance novels may include explicit scenes, not all of them do. There is a distinction between a romance novel that includes sex and an erotica novel. The lack of sex-ed when
considering safe and sound sex, especially for women, can lead them to not know anything about sexual relations until later in life. Important topics like consent, queer sex, sexuality, sexually transmitted diseases and sexual intimacy are not taught in sex-ed classes in school, and in Texas sometimes not at all. Literature becomes a safe way of consuming and learning about sex. Erotica is defined as ‘art intended to arouse sexual attraction.’ Everything I know about sex education comes from first discovering intimate scenes in books, and then going on to read more about sex-ed. While reading is a valid and safe way of learning about sex, it’s not created with the intent of education and is not always accurate. It can in turn promote toxic ideas. However, erotica is mainly targeted towards females. Women react better to reading erotica as it caters to their emotions. It, unlike visual porn, does not use women as a means to an end. That in turn helps the women to take control of their sexuality and understand it. And reading erotica can be a great way to deal with anxiety and stress, and be better for your mental health. The books can help turn negative emotions into positive ones.
Through detailed prose, erotica gives the readers an emotional connection. Along with that, has there been a novel where the female main character does not finish? Reading can give women a chance to explore what they like sexually and advocate for themselves in bed. When women become accustomed to this idea in books, it may lead to the normalization and expectation that both parties finish every time. Many books that have themes such as ‘alpha males’ and ‘damsels in distress,’ can have explicit scenes that draw comparisons to sexual assault. It is important to note that while literature can be a helpful tool, it is a work of fiction.Not all relationships and sexual expereicnes in books are healthy representations of real life scenarios. The books might not be completely accurate, but they give their reader a safe space and the privacy to think about what they have read and liked. Through different stories, the readers can also gauge an understanding of how a couple could build-up to sex and manage it within the context of their lives, unlike porn which often just shows people having sex with little context.
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Q1: What exactly are you looking for on these apps? A. I want to find the love of my life B. I’m just looking for a quick one night stand C. I want to play the field a little bit D. I just don’t know where else to start dating and meet people Q2: What details would you like to learn about a person before “swiping right”? A. I want to scroll through everything, pictures, likes and dislikes, hobbies and maybe even hear their voice B. All I need is a picture and maybe a name, but it doesn’t even have to be theirs C. I like scrolling through different profiles and seeing the different interests and bios everyone comes up with D. I like knowing general facts more than anything like height, zodiac sign, what they do for work and so on
Which dating app should you use?
Q3: Once you match with someone, what happens next? A. I talk a little bit to get to know them more and then move off the app to either texting/ Snapchat/Instagram B. I really cut to the chase; I’m not the biggest fan of texting and small talk over an app C. I’ll try to make a joke or introduction line based on something they have in their bio D. It depends how I’m feeling, I may wait for them to text and make the first move or if I’m feeling bold I’ll do it
Being single in the online age Q4: How much effort are you willing to presents various options on looking put into your profile? for love, relationships or a physical A. I might enlist some help from my friends connection through the technology to pick out nice photos of myself, fill out all provided to us. the possible prompts, basically sell myself Apps and websites are designed to help look for romantic partners, so let’s narrow down which one is a better fit for you to download. By Sydney Rose 22
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the best I can B. I want to focus more on the pictures rather than spend forever on a bio or prompts C. It depends, sometimes I just want people to focus on the pictures and other times
I want the work I put into designing this profile to be admired D. I will probably end up changing my profile so often just to make sure it’s perfect and presentable Q5: What kind of people are you looking to meet on the apps? A. Other adults near my age who are established in their own lives; my person B. Just someone who I’m attracted to C. Someone who I could end up dating or being friends with based on common interests D. I’m looking for the person I’m going to marry
Q6: How often are you checking these apps? A. A lot, but I don’t want to seem too desperate on the chatting aspect, so I kind of just spend time lurking B. Periodically, I don’t want to hyperfocus on it, but I want something like a fun past time, you know, going through and swiping on as well as looking at profiles C. No time at all, this is more of an ‘I will only download this app for the night and see what comes out of it’ situation D. I have time to check maybe every day and see if anyone has swiped on me or started a chat
RESULTS Mostly A’s: You should give Hinge a try. This app is marketed as the dating app that is
made to be deleted because you are supposed to find “your person” and it’s made for those dedicated to finding the one. If you are truly dedicated, this app just might work for you and you’ll be thanking this magazine quiz for leading you to meet the love of your life.
Mostly B’s: You should download Tinder. As an app, Tinder can work in any case but
works best if you are not looking for something too serious as the features sort of cater towards pictures more than biography and info. Whether it just be for a fun hookup or something long-term, this is for the versatile people out there for sure.
Mostly C’s: You should try a more niche dating app maybe that isn’t as well known as
the others to really cater to your experience, whether that be through sexuality-based, religion-based or anything else narrowing the field. There are plenty of apps like Grindr and Her that specify LGBTQ+ relationships and there are web pages like Chrisitan Mingle and J Date for religion-specific preferences. Heck, there is even Farmers Only if you want to get that specific.
Mostly D’s: You should make a profile on Bumble. As a dating app experience goes,
Bumble seems catered to giving you more wiggle room in a relationship, and in the case of heterosexuality, the women can send messages first to make it different from other dating apps alike. With Bumble, you have to be dedicated to making the moves early on as the chat will disappear in 24 hours if the person does not see you swipe on them.
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