Soldiering on

SAVING LIVES

Soldie r

Army life gave me structure, but what was I missing out on? Dawn Barrow, 40, Tiverton, Devon

Clutching the teddy that my daughter Sian had given me, I handed it over to a little boy. He needs it more than I do, I thought. See, it was March 2003 and we were in the A&E department of a makeshift 200-bed hospital in Iraq. The little boy had just undergone a double leg amputation, days after witnessing his uncle being shot. Tragedies no child should experience. But this conflict had ripped every ounce of normality from life. Though it was tough to witness, this was all part of the world I’d signed up for. It was 1999 when I’d decided to join the Army. I was 20, a single mother to Sian, then three. But I felt lost, no idea what path to take in life. I knew I needed to plan my future so my daughter had hers. ‘I need direction,’ I sobbed to my mum Lesley, then 49. ‘How about joining the Army? Routine, discipline, something to work towards,’ she suggested. It certainly wasn’t an option I’d ever considered. Yet the more Mum and I discussed the idea, the more I liked it. Leaving Sian behind was a terrifying prospect. But we decided that she would stay with Mum while I was deployed to Iraq–my biggest challenge I worked on our future. There were no better hands to leave her in. In November 2000, when Sian was 4, I enlisted. And after eight months of training, I qualified as a combat medical technician. Working long shifts in medical units, looking after servicemen and women, I loved every minute. It gave me purpose –a purpose to help others. In 2003, I was deployed to Iraq to work in the advance trauma life-support unit. My biggest challenge yet. ‘I’ll see you soon,’ I waved goodbye to Sian. Though I missed her like crazy, there was barely time to think about home. Working 18-hour shifts out on call with the doctor, or at our makeshift hospital, it was intense. There was a constant threat of bombs and chemical attacks. And seeing decapitated bodies became a daily occurrence for me. It was highly emotional and I cried a lot. Being away from Sian and Mum made it even harder. Sometimes, security risks meant that the post stopped and I’d go weeks without hearing from them. I knew I was missing out on watching Sian grow up. So, when I moved back to the UK after six months, I was relieved. Back home, I worked in medical units, travelling across the country. Sometimes I could take Sian with me. Sometimes not. When she started secondary school in 2007, I realised I’d already missed out on enough of her childhood. So, I made a decision. ‘I’m quitting the Army,’ I told Mum. It had served its purpose, given me direction in my younger years. But now I’d focus on Sian and my new relationship. I was ready for the next chapter of my life. A chapter that was

Me in 2003: a tough but rewarding job

heralded by the birth of my little boy Alfie, in 2008. One day, as I was cradling him in my arms, I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have two beautiful children. My thoughts turned to those who weren’t so lucky. To those who couldn’t experience such a wonderful gift without help. It then became clear what direction my life would take next.

CHANGING LIVES

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Mum ma ke r!

All together on my big day. L-R: Alfie, William, Max, Sian and Daniel M y mission became clear. Helping people who couldn’t help themselves had always been my passion. Now I could help women who weren’t lucky enough to be able to have kids themselves... I could become a surrogate. By February 2010, I’d split from Alfie’s dad and was back to being a single mum. I was working as a sports therapist, but there was no better time to embark on this adventure. With the support of Mum and Sian, by then 14, I signed up to a surrogacy agency. Almost instantly, I was sent the profile of a couple, Jenni and Dale. Arranging to meet up with them, I had no idea what to expect. But as they told me about their story, I knew I wanted to do whatever I could to make them a family. ‘I want to help,’ I said. I told them about my time in the Army, how all I wanted was to help others in need. In June 2010, it was finalised. I would carry their baby. I told Mum and Sian and they were both so supportive. It took three self-insemination attempts, using a kit from the agency, but It felt like the most natural thing in the world in August 2010, a test finally revealed that I was pregnant. Placing the test in an envelope, I penned a letter to Jenni. You’re going to be a mummy , I wrote. A few days later, the phone rang. ‘I can’t believe it,’ Jenni sobbed. It was all she had ever wanted.

And I was giving her the greatest gift. Recording the baby’s movements and buying a heartbeat monitor, I wanted Jenni and Dale to be involved in the pregnancy every single step of the way. And they were there by my bedside on 21 March 2011, when Daniel was born by emergency caesarean. Bleary from the op, my eyes fluttered open to the sight of Jenni beaming at me. ‘I can’t ever thank you enough,’ she whispered. Handing over Daniel felt like the most natural thing in the world. He’d never been mine, I was just looking after him. Now he was in his mummy’s arms, where he belonged. I was discharged from hospital a few days later, and life went back to normal. I kept in touch with Jenni and Dale. They sent me pictures of Daniel, to let me know how he was doing. And by December 2011, I decided I was ready to be a surrogate for another family. This time round, I decided to carry a

I was just looking after baby Daniel

baby for a same-sex couple. Donating my eggs again, it all happened so quickly. Just four months later, after one self-insemination, I was pregnant. Recording the positive pregnancy test on a video, I sent it to Mark and David. Just like Jenni and Dale, they were over the moon. Their son William was born by caesarean on 16 November 2012. Another family complete. Now, I’m still very close to my two surrogate children and their parents. Both William and Daniel were pageboys at my wedding to my partner Matthew, 31, in 2018, along with Alfie and our little boy Max, who’s now 4. Being a surrogate mother has been one of the best things I’ve ever done. I gained a family when I was in the Army, and now it’s even bigger.