Ask Aunty Nelly

FACEBOOK.COM/ANTONELLAUNCENSORED. INSTAGRAM.COM/ANTONELLAUNCENSORED. NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. AUNTY NELLY PHOTO: PHILIPPA GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY. PHOTOS (POSED BY MODELS): GETTY Q My wife and I have two toddler grandkids, who we love very much. My son and his partner work, so we agreed to have them once a week as childcare is expensive, but I find it tiring and boring. I suggested to my wife we should pay for daycare instead. She says I’m being grumpy and offers to have them more often. I try to stay out of the way. Am I the bad one here? Nick, 72 A Firstly, I commend you for being the grandparents who step in to help – as, yes, childcare is pricey. But you’re definitely being grumpy! It’s one day a week, and you should count yourself lucky you can spend time with your precious grandkids. Put your foot down with your wife if one day is really all you can manage, but enjoy your time with them, realise how fortunate you are and cheer up a bit! We moved too fast Q I got together with my partner too soon and now I don’t know how to end it. It was lust at first sight when we met last summer. We were saying ‘I love you’ within days, and moved in together in October. Now the honeymoon is definitely over for me, but he seems to think everything’s fine. What should I do? Penny, 32 A For starters, you need to calm down. It’s not the biggest mistake of your life, you aren’t married and don’t have kids. We do rush things sometimes, thinking with our hearts rather than our heads. Yes, you moved quickly, but it doesn’t make it wrong. The rose-tinted glasses fall off in all relationships. Take a step back and remember why you fell for him. If you still feel it’s a mistake, tell him soon or it’ll just get worse. Q I have a huge problem with my mother-in-law. She was devastated when my hubby divorced his ex, and still gets together with her and their children. Yet, she pays barely any attention to our daughter, who’s four. The final straw was when she treated the ex and her grandkids to a trip to New York. I think she blames me for the fact they aren’t still married. She seems to go out of her way to wind me up –and it works! What can I do to ignore her? Amy, 37 A I understand how you feel, love, but remember your mother-in-law already had a relationship with the ex and her grandchildren. She might find you unapproachable, or think you don’t want a relationship with her. Try making plans with her, make her feel like you want to be part of her life and she may let you in. AS K Our Antonella tells it how it is Aunty Nelly She’s friends with his ex! Am I a grumpy grandad? 3 steps to... Being a good stepmum 1 Let your stepchild set the pace and allow them to define the relationship. Tell them you don’t want to replace their parent, just be a friend, then leave the ball in their court. If they show no interest, don’t panic. The circumstances that brought about the end of their parents’ relationship are most likely to be upsetting. Give them time to process the changes. 2 Allow the child to call you by whatever name they’re comfortable with and don’t expect to be called Mum or Dad. Decide on a name that works for you both. To forge a bond, you’ll need to be forthcoming. 3 Discipline should be left to the biological parents, at least at first. Focus on building a positive relationship with your stepchild. This doesn’t mean you won’t have a voice. You can speak privately to your spouse, but in the end they must be the one setting the rules.