Ask Aunty Nelly

FACEBOOK.COM/ANTONELLAUNCENSORED. INSTAGRAM.COM/ANTONELLAUNCENSORED. NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. AUNTY NELLY PHOTO: PHILIPPA GRACE PHOTOGRAPHY. PHOTOS (POSED BY MODELS): GETTY Q My daughter’s house is fi lthy, and every so often I clean it top to bottom for her. It’s embarrassing –we live on the same street and I’m known for being house-proud. She doesn’t open her curtains, never mind the windows! My two granddaughters look like they’ve been in a skip. She doesn’t work, so has lots of free time. How can I make her be more like me? Esther, 66 A Why should your daughter clean her house when you do it for her? That’s where you’ve gone wrong. Put yourself in her shoes. Is she struggling with anxiety or depression? And why isn’t she working? Remember, not everyone has the same standards as Hyacinth Bucket. Sit down and talk to her. Tell her you’re worried, happy to help, but aren’t going to be her cleaner. 3 steps to... Dealing with moody teenagers 1 Think back. Remember what it was like –the hormones, the changing body, the need to fit in with friends. Bless them, it can be a confusing time. Your child needs stability, support, patience and understanding. 2 Set clear boundaries. Involve your child in developing rules. It’ll help them become independent. Set and use consequences for poor behaviour, but make your list of rules and consequences as short as possible. 3 Spend time together. Make yourself available to talk. Offer to give them a lift and use the time to chat. While you should allow your child space to develop their own interests without feeling smothered, some common ground can make everyday conversation easier. Dirty habit Q My boyfriend smokes weed. He says he doesn’t smoke it a lot but I can always smell it on him. We used to smoke together but I stopped when I got pregnant. We have a ninemonth-old daughter and I’d love my fella to stop, too. I’ve told him he needs to grow up but he just doesn’t seem to understand my feelings towards it. How can I make him stop? Dani, 24 A Wow! First off, possessing marijuana is illegal, so your boyfriend is putting your child at risk. Social Services could get involved. Does he understand that? You also chose to have a child with someone who smokes weed, and you smoked together. Did you talk about him giving it up beforehand? Your daughter’s welfare is what matters. Give him a deadline –tell him to sort it out or you’re done. If he chooses drugs over his family, he doesn’t deserve one. Q I live with my partner of fi ve years and his 17-year-old daughter. She’s a nice girl, but is very quiet. Her mum passed away, and she only comes out of her room when her dad’s home. Then she’s all over him, and I feel left out. I don’t want it to affect my relationship but she gets jealous when we’re affectionate towards each other. Am I being over the top? Lyndsey, 31 A You’re absolutely being over the top! She’s 17, has lost her mum and misses her madly. Her only connection with her is her dad. So what if she wants to spend time with him? He is her safe haven. If you’re holding onto jealousy, how do you expect her to want to spend time with you? Sorry, but it seems to me like you’re the stroppy teenager here! AS K Our Antonella tells it how it is Aunty Nelly Jealous of his daughter My girl lives in a pigsty!