HEY JUDE

Retirement can mean finding a sweet spot between relaxing and being active.

Do you have a problem you’d like Jude to weigh in on? Send your questions to nzww@ bauermedia.co.nz with ‘Hey Jude’ in the subject line, or to Hey Jude, NZWW, Bauer Media, Private Bag 92512, Wellesley Street, Auckland 1141. ASK JUDE!

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Play a long game! The much-discussed work-life balance can be a bit of a crock. In reality, we go through busier and quieter times, so it may make more sense to tally things up over the longer term.

Jude Dobson ADVICE

Balancing act

READER LETTER OF THE WEEK

Hi Jude, My husband has retired and is content to relax – a lot. However, I would love to go travelling and get out and about and do things. Even when we go for a walk, I find his slow pace and lack of enthusiasm rather draining and frustrating. What can we do together as a couple that suits us both? Vicki Darn, that’s a bit of a bore when you’ve plainly got the to-do list

COMPROMISE CAN BE THE KEY TO HARMONY

Iwish I could even out my work life. I have always made my own work in many ways, and that’s a good and bad thing. I get to do stuff that I really love – because it’s usually instigated by me finding a way to make it happen. I have creative control, which I really enjoy. I have some flexibility of time, but there’s also no uniformity in it.

It’s not a nine-to-five model with four weeks of leave a year. It’s a project-based life, with times when deadlines concertina and other times without work. And sometimes I am so busy doing a project, I don’t have time to look for the next one, so it’s a bit of a flawed way to operate. I get so engrossed that finding the time and energy to look ahead is tricky. I do love what I do though. I’ve just finished a documentary about our contribution to World War I on the Western Front and it was such a privilege to tell those stories. I feel like I have these men of 100 years ago in the edit suite with me. They are like old friends now. And then, just like that, I’m on to a new doco with World War II stories in it – and no doubt those gents will also become my best buddies.

Come April, when I’ve honoured their stories, I will stop and gather my thoughts, sleep in and do lunch... and wonder what’s next!

written and you’re awaiting a partner to do it all with.

Maybe it’s a pendulum swing and he’s so over being busy that he’s embracing being very un-busy – but soon enough that will annoy him, and he’ll be keen to re-engage in life. Regardless, it sounds like some life planning wound into a discussion might be on the cards. Can you use the “new year, new decade” thing as an excuse to talk about some of that stuff? Set your sights on a trip somewhere this year in the first instance, perhaps? Maybe ask him about the places he’d like to go now he has the time to consider it – there must surely be some place he’s keen on.

What about looking at local night and community classes now the school year is about to kick in? There might be things you could look at doing that will interest you. Perhaps learn a language (for the trip!) or learn a new skill.

In reality, you probably never liked doing all the same things pre-retirement anyway, so have a think about what you did like doing together previously and thread some of that through. It’s probably not going for walks, I’m picking!

Do you have couple friends in a similar life stage you can connect with? Maybe the girls could do some stuff together and the blokes can do their own thing. I’m sure it’ll settle down and 2020 will in fact be a great year to kick off a new life stage.