5 minute read
Talking About Should you go
We’ve all been there: a relationship ends suddenly or brutally, leaving us feeling something akin to grief, which even diving into a tub of Ben & Jerry’s can’t fi x. We lurch from confusion, denial, anger and regret – until, all cried-out, we fi nd acceptance. ‘You’re better off without him,’ friends say, and you promise you’ll never go back. And yet, sometimes the lure of an ex is impossible to resist.
We grieved with Jennifer Aniston when her marriage to Brad Pitt ended in 2005, amid unconfi rmed rumours of an aff air with Angelina Jolie. At
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Brad and Jen chat at the Screen Actors Guild Awards
the time, devastated Jen said, ‘Am I upset? Yes. Am I confused? Yes. Do I have my days when I’ve thrown a little pity party for myself? Absolutely.’
Yet now, both single, the former Hollywood golden couple look to be edging towards a reunion. After 15 years avoiding each other at every celebrity bash going, they reignited a friendship last year, with Brad appearing at Jen’s 50th and her Christmas party, before both attended the Screen Actors Guild Awards recently. ‘She’s a good friend,’ Brad has said. But with speculation rife, Woman investigates whether it can ever work out with an ex who stomped on your heart…
Should you
go back to a
The pair were love’s young dream Brad at the Golden Globes, which Jen also attended
HEARTBREAKER?
‘WE TALKED ABOUT THE PAST’ Hayley Garbutt, 52, lives with husband Maurice, 54, in North Yorkshire. I was only 15 when I fi rst met Maurice, then 17, in 1983, but even so, I knew straightaway he was the love of my life. Inseparable, within a year we’d got engaged and moved into our own fl at, and I was desperate to be his wife. Yet, it was a lot of pressure at such a young age, and we’d row, both of us often running off home after a fi ght.
Then, after two years, we discovered I was pregnant. I’d been feeling ill, but hadn’t missed a period, so when the doctor said I was four months gone, it was a shock. With both our mums struggling with the news and becoming involved, and tensions building between Maurice and me, it eventually tore us apart. We had a blazing row, and for weeks after, neither of us attempted to make amends. Then, when I was six months pregnant, Maurice came round, but I was too hormonal and emotional, so sent him away.
In September 1986, I gave birth to our daughter, with Mum by my side. I hoped it’d drive Maurice and I to sort things out, as I never believed it was over, but then I heard he was seeing someone else and my heart shattered. I know just how Jen must’ve felt seeing Brad move on so quickly, as I sobbed night after night, hating Maurice, yet loving him, too. My family and I moved away soon after, so he never saw our daughter. I got married in my early 20s and my husband and I went on to have two children – but, deep down, my heart still belonged to Maurice. Back to the future After more than two decades, my husband and I separated, and then, in 2010, my daughter, aged 23, revealed Maurice had contacted her on Facebook a few months earlier, and they’d built a relationship. I felt jealous and left out, but happy that she’d reconnected with her father. I was hesitant to meet him myself, though, as the heartbreak still felt raw – even after all those years.
By then, I’d moved back to the village I grew up in, so in November 2011, 25
years since we’d last seen each other, Maurice and I met for a drink. We were both nervous, especially when we began talking about the past. He told me he’d only started dating someone else because he thought I didn’t love him. He’d had two long-term relationships, one a marriage, but had never had more kids. ‘You broke my heart,’ I told him. ‘But I’ve only ever wanted to be with you.’ I realised youth and silly misunderstandings had kept us apart, and it was time to let all that hurt go. He was The One. I’d known it at 15,
‘Actu me a perso said a WILL her, a phon ELIZABETH TAYLOR twice married RICHARD BURTON, fi rst in 1964, then in 1975, only to split within the year.
Talking About WORDS: FIONA KINLOCH, SAMANTHA BRICK. PHOTOS: ALAMY, DAVID HOLLIER PHOTOGRAPHY, GETTY, NBC and I knew it now, too. We got back together that night, and that Christmas, Maurice proposed. Our daughter was thrilled, and was a bridesmaid at our Finally together: Hayley and Maurice
wedding in June 2014.
It’s always a risk getting back with an ex, especially when they hurt you, but taking a chance on anything is risky. Besides, the path to true love isn’t straightforward and those twists and turns have made me and Maurice stronger. Jen might get her heart broken again, but she could also fi nd the happy ending she’s been searching for – and, if you ask me, it’s worth that chance.
‘DRAW A LINE UNDER
OUR HISTORY’ chologist Emma Kenny says:
ing a relationship work for the ond time is possible, as long as
both work through the issues that sed the breakdown in the fi rst place. efore committing to returning to the nership, you need to, as individuals, own and do a relationship audit, re you work through how you each tributed to the previous breakdown. means you’re accountable and onsible for ‘owning’ your behaviour, hopefully means you won’t repeat same problem patterns again. he key to making your relationship
k is drawing a line under your history, nd starting afresh. Bringing up past misdemeanours and resentments is a ure-fi re way to ruin any chances you ave of making love work where it once failed. So put in some healthy communication boundaries.
