UNEMPLOYED SINCE 1880
The Corne¬ Daily Sun Vol. 129, No. 1,000,000
MOONDAY, APRIL 1, 2013
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ITHACA, NEW YORK
Cornell Humanities Major Finds Job After Graduation
16 Pages – $99.00
Faux-artistic rainy day shot
Parents of Bland ’07, English, history and philosophy major, say they’re glad ‘she’s ... moving out of our goddamn basement’ By dsafsdf Sun Senior Snoozer
After completing 35 unpaid internships, a former Cornell humanities major received her first offer of employment Monday. Susie Bland ’07 is the only humanities major in her class to have secured a full-time job, according to an administrator in the University’s Office of Advising for Useless Majors. Bland — who most recently interned for free at a five-person startup that sells arts supplies while picking up odd Craigslist jobs on the side — will begin working as a minimum-wage sandwich artist at Subway this month. “We’re really, really proud of our Susie,” Kate Bland, Susie’s mother, said in an email to The Sun on Sunday. “But mostly, we’re glad she’s finally moving out of our goddamn basement — err, I mean on to bigger and better things.” The Cornell alumna, who graduated summa cum laude with a triple major in English, history and philosophy and $40,000 in debt, said she thinks her experience photocopying documents,
fetching coffee for supervisors and answering phone calls made her “stand out” among Subway’s candidate pool. “I’m so lucky,” said Bland, wiping a tear of joy away from her eye. “With this job, I’ll be able to
“She’s an inspiration to all of us.”
JANE SULLIVAN / SUN STAFF INSTAGRAMMER
Bland’s 07 unemployed
The Sun’s photography team captures yet another perfectly clear and flawlessly sunny day in Ithaca.
former roommate
pay off my debt by the time I’m 90.” When asked if she thought anything she learned in her classes on Tolstoy, Foucault or deconstructionism helped her secure the job, Bland said, “Um … no. Not really, actually.” Nevertheless, flocks of former humanities majors, still unemployed as of Monday, expressed See EMPLOYED (KIND OF) page 5
News Sassy Day Hall
When confronted by angry students about Olin Library’s hours, an administrator replied, “Long hair, no care.” | Page 3
News Wanna Snap?
The Mayor of Swishica ’03 discovered Snapchat Sunday. “This is cool,” he said to The Sun. | Page 3
Opinion
OLLY TANENBAUM / SUN SENIOR INSTAGRAMMER
Caught in a nightmare | Glen Coco ’12, about to eat an orange, the second he was forced to eat in one day in a fraternity hazing ritual.
Smarter Than You
Joe Schmoo ’14 is really enraged and opinionated about an issue in his latest column. | Page 9
Opinion Call Me Maybe ... Not
Sexy Betsy ’14 to Cornell men: “I’m just not that into you.”
C.U. Alumnus: My Shocking Memoir
Cayuga’s Schwasters Seek to Curb Drinking By GING YU LEE Sun Staff Writer
In an attempt to curb high-risk drinking at Cornell, student volunteers in a new group, Cayuga’s Schwasters, have pledged to elicit buzz-kill behaviors at parties — sobbing and clinging onto strangers, throwing up in the middle of a dance floor and playing sad ’80s ballads to discourage students from drinking. The group, which is being overseen by Gannett Health Services and Cayuga’s Watchers, says that instead of monitoring alcohol consumption at parties, it will demonstrate the negative consequences of high-risk drinking to students, according to Madam G. ’13, founder of Cayuga’s Schwasters. “We think that by showing that drinking causes uncool behavior, other students will stop drinking to avoid being the partypooper,” G. said. “Nobody wants to be a partypooper.” Electric Eells, drinking health professional at Gannett, said Cayuga’s Schwasters was formed because negative reinforcement works more effectively than positive reinforcement in curbing high-risk drinking. “Studies repeatedly show that young adults and teenagers learn better from seeing the worst case scenarios,” Eells said. “For example, a study showed that monkeys only stopped consuming candy when they were shown a picture of an obese monkey.” See SCHWASTED page 4
By REGINA “YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US” GEORGE Sun Queen Plastic
| Page 9
Sports Sporty Spice
Suddenly everyone cares about sports ... Oh, wait. | Page 20
Weather Tropical HIGH: 90 LOW: 86
A Cornell alumnus published a 400-page memoir detailing his hazing experience at the Cornell fraternity, Lambda Omega Lambda, on Sunday evening. In his account, Glen Coco ’12 says that LOL brothers forced him to engage in “unnatural” activities such as having to eat four oranges in a six-hour time window, memorizing and reciting the entire Twilight series for fraternity brothers and performing three sets of what he described as “girl push-ups.” “When I had to eat the oranges ... I did not know how to react. It was just so much citrus,” Coco said. “The girl push-ups, however, were the worst. I couldn’t even do them, and my arms felt like Jell-O See CITRUS page 4
JAIME LANGDON / SUN INSTAGRAM EDITOR