8 minute read
Are You Ready For Deployment
By ANNIE GARDNER
The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes. It’s a cliché, but for the military, this statement often rings true. Some believe those in the military and their families get used to constant change and flux; we ‘knew what we were getting into’. However, after 23 years as a military family, I can assure you that change remains hard, and it doesn’t get easier. The good news is we learn to be masters of flexibility and adaptability. We hone our coping skills. We covet community. We find and utilize resources. We become resilient. And we become ardent champions for each other. Is it easy? No, but is it manageable? Absolutely - and it is certainly rewarding!
Our hero recently embarked on his 10th deployment. As he sailed into the sunset, I found myself reflecting on where we started and how far we have come. Deployment is still a word that is charged with heavy emotion. It means separation. It means uncertainty, anxiety, and stress. It means wearing multiple hats. It means just ‘getting through’. In military towns, like Coronado, deployment is woven into the fabric of the culture and can sometimes fade into the background noise of everyday life for those not going through it. It can feel very overwhelming, lonely, isolating and depressing. But this deployment feels different for us. I realized that this time, those really big emotional swings feel manageable. In fact, as a family, we have faced this deployment with strength, confidence, and calm.
What changed? Time and experience have helped. But the biggest thing is we have built a deployment resiliency toolbox. What is a deployment resiliency toolbox? Think of it this way: a toolbox is there for you to collect necessary items to be successful at a specific task. Over the years, you work on different projects, collect new tools, and add them to the box. The next time you face something similar, you grab the correct tool to make the job easy and successful. Sometimes you pick up something new not knowing what you’ll use it for, but you add it to the box anyway. Or perhaps someone gives you a random tool that you don’t need right now, but in it goes. Then, one day down the line, you face a situation and realize you have just the right thing for the job. This is our strategy for success. Our deployment toolbox is the same concept, but we collect and separate our ‘tools’ into three drawers: support, skills, and resources. Some tools we use every day, and some we use only when a specific situation arises; but these are the things that help us face deployment, handle transitions with grace, grow confidence, be successful, and not only survive, but thrive.
Filling a deployment toolbox can be a daunting task and it takes time if you are going at it alone. The beauty of the military community is that we have many members out there that can help give us a great start. The first drawer is for gathering skills. The skill that I have found to be the hardest to master, but the most rewarding, is a mind shift to a growth mentality that builds mental fortitude. Success starts with positivity and training our brain to have an attitude of gratitude. It helps us address obstacles as positive opportunities instead of debilitating barriers. This means making a conscious effort to look for the good in each situation
and finding opportunities for growth. I start everyday reading a passage from “The Daily Stoic” by Ryan Holliday to help me stay positive and remember that the way to conquer an obstacle is not to go around it, but through it. For example, instead of focusing on being alone and moping, I use deployment as a time for discovery. I have honed my Spanish, learned to sew, taken a cooking class, and learned to woodwork during different deployments. In this way, I used the time for myself to add new skills for growth and positive change. Start with a growth mind-set and face the obstacle directly.
Gathering and practicing coping skills is an important next step. Coping is a dynamic, ever-changing need. What is needed one minute may not be what is needed the next. Processing skills, physical skills, calming skills, and distraction skills are all coping skills to stock in this drawer. Processing skills help one work through situations in a systematic or soothing way, such as writing in a journal. Physical skills help work out anger, stress, and anxiety in a physical way. A brisk walk on the beach helps center my energy. Calming skills are used when emo-
tions overflow and you need to find equilibrium. I find mindful meditation through the app Simple Habit helps calm and center me. Distraction skills help take you away from the moment. When I need a distraction, my house gets really clean as tidying and organization are the most effective distractions for me. Knowing options for coping and when to utilize each is a great way to deal with emotions and manage deployment stress. It is up to you to explore what works and add it to your repertoire.
The second drawer is filled with support. Finding the right support is of utmost importance for deployment resiliency. Know you are never alone and find ways to connect and build community. This is the single most effective way to thrive through deployment. Support is also dynamic and unique to everyone. It is not always quick or easy. It may involve pushing out of your comfort zone and putting yourself out into the world. Remember that being uncomfortable breeds growth. Throughout the years I have pushed myself to show up to events by myself and meet new people. It felt hard at the time but pushing myself to try new things and be vulnerable spawned new friendships and helped me gain confidence.
Sometimes support may mean counseling, or a weekly manicure to treat yourself. The key to support is finding connection. Support and connection are the most meaningful and necessary tool for me, and I have worked rigorously to fill this drawer. I have regular coffee dates with friends, participate in a book club, coach my kids’ sports teams, and advise the Anchored4Life club at Silver Strand Elementary. Finding people who raise you up and support you through the celebrations and frustrations of life makes all the difference in thriving through deployment and beyond.
The last drawer of the deployment toolbox belongs to resources. Fortunately, the military has a plethora of resources to help families through deployment, and Coronado is a unique community that is flush with outlets ready to help. Military resources for
counseling and support include: Fleet and Family Support Center, Military OneSource, Navy Marine Corps Relief Society, FOCUS, STEP, the Armed Forces YMCA, and the USO. You can also connect with your command ombudsman or Family Readiness Group. My experience with our School Liaison Officer and Safe Harbor Coronado and the Aloha Club have been invaluable resources for support and community. When we moved to Coronado in 2020 our welcome from Safe Harbor Coronado made such a positive impact that it inspired me to volunteer for their events and attend their coffee talks - which grew my connections and resources, eventually inspiring me to apply for a position with them. I am fortunate that this resource led to a huge success!
Change is inevitable, but a full and diverse toolbox of skills, supports and resources ensures that there is always a tool available for the needed job. Just as a contractor carries their tools, families facing deployment must fill their drawers and have their toolbox ready. With each separation our box fills up and helps prepare us to face the change. Today, deployment is still hard, but knowing that we have a toolbox full of skills, resources, and support, it feels much more manageable. We are more equipped to face what will come with an attitude of positivity, a mentality of opportunity, and knowing we will push ourselves to learn and grow. Today deployment means growth. Deployment means opportunity. Deployment means resilience. Deployment means success. Deployment means using our toolbox of skills, support, and resources to thrive.
Safe Harbor Coronado provides low-cost counseling, youth and parenting programs, and community education. For more information go to SafeHarborCoronado.org, sign up for the parenting e-newsletter, and follow on social media @ SafeHarborCoronado to make sure you never miss a Safe Harbor Event!
