Family Meals ... Use foot to connect with loved ones.

by Safe Harbor Coronado

Are family meals important? The answer is a resounding YES.

Do you have to be a fantastic cook? No, you do not. Do these meals need to be homemade? No again; ordering a pizza or eating out is time well spent with your family. For that matter, it doesn’t even have to be dinner. How about a family breakfast, or simply enjoy an evening of cookies and milk once a week?

Food is essential in our daily lives, and so is time spent with family and those dear to us; why not put them together? Having everyone present is nice, but a quick bite with your partner or just one of your children is worth its weight in gold. Forget the rules; just find something that works for you and your clan and go for it. (By clan, we mean it doesn’t have to be a bloodline family. Some “families” may

include old childhood friends, wonderful neighbors, or coworkers. It doesn’t matter who is in your clan or family; what is essential is that you create connections and community regularly to build those relationships and a sense of belonging.)

We begin life with the most crucial of needs — attachment to a caregiver. This is the beginning of our fundamental need for belonging. Routines and Rituals create a sense of belonging… Family meals can be part of that. We cannot separate the importance of a sense of belonging from our physical and mental health. The social ties that accompany a sense of belonging are a protective factor helping manage stress and other behavioral issues. When we feel we have support and are not alone, we are more resilient, often coping more effectively with difficult times in our lives. Coping well with hardships decreases the physical and mental effects of these situations.

When mealtime becomes a regular event, it can form a valuable tradition that provides comfort and security while connecting generations and passing on values. Make your mealtimes memorable; the experiences will last a lifetime. If you don’t get immediate results and the conversations are not as deep and meaningful as you had hoped, don’t give up. You are laying the groundwork; progress takes time.

We recently reached out to some local families and asked how they use food to connect with their loved ones; here is what they shared ...

The Knapp household has regular conversations at the end of the week over dinner. “We call it Roses and Thorns. It’s where we talk about the best and worst of the week. It’s very therapeutic for each of us.”

The Bill family makes the most of mealtime by filling their table with young and old. Their three adult kids have greatly benefited. “We feel there is no substitute for hearing stories from the past by those that have lived through it.”

At the Real home, breakfast and dinner are eaten together but sometimes feel rushed. “Our most enjoyable meal tradition is going to grandma Nena’s house on Sundays. She spends hours preparing delicious Mexican food. We all savor her homemade tortillas, which she often makes with our son. She has passed on her passion for food and cooking to him.”

The Cohns are a creative family and share memorable nights with meal kits they make together. “Jaylen even made homemade dumplings. We turn off all devices and wait to eat until everyone is at the table -even the cook. Afterward, we go for a walk by the water, extending our time together. Our love for food continues even when traveling. During a recent trip, we even took cooking classes in Italy.

In the Merwin house, “we make the most of mealtime by having started a tradition when the kids were little - a ‘family picnic.’ Usually, we cook dinner together on a weekend night, then throw a blanket on the living room floor to enjoy our ‘picnic’ and watch a family movie together. I thought my kids would outgrow it, but it’s still one of their favorite family mealtime traditions.”

The McColl family has four generations, from grandma (90) and grandpa (91) to the youngest addition, Frazier (2 months). To understand their relationships with each other, envision the movie Big Fat Greek Wedding, except we’re Scottish, not Greek. “Something my grandparents instilled in us is the understanding of keeping family close and making it a priority to gather for meals. Every Saturday morning, we have breakfast at Buona Forchetta, and every Tuesday, we have tacos and beers at Mike Hess in IB. For these mealtimes, the tradition is…the oldest couple pays. So, my grandparents take the hit most of the time, but they’re happy to be a blessing. These meals together allow our family to catch up on our lives and support each other through the highs and lows. There is security knowing that we always have each other to count on.”

When looking for new ways to engage in conversation, try eating something new and exciting, and start a conversation about what’s on your plate. Hit the highs and lows of your day. Share stories about work and school. Life moves fast take advantage of the time you have sitting still. Don’t wait for all the stars to line up before you give it a whirl. Meal time is family time however that shakes out.

Grant everyone a chance to shine: Make family time memorable and empowering by giving everyone a turn, encouraging the shy ones to share, and giving outgoing ones a chance to listen.

Safe Harbor Coronado provides lowcost counseling, youth & parenting programs, and community education. For more information, go to SafeHarborCoronado.org, sign up for the parenting enewsletter, and follow on social media @ SafeHarborCoronado to ensure you never miss a Safe Harbor event.