Couch Diaries Issue 03 by Couch Diaries Magazine

Couch Diaries Issue 03 / Summer 2020

OUR WORLD, OUR FUTURE

Photos by Max Vonderhorst, Carolyn Knapp, and Tres Keiper

Letter From the Editors: Now is a time of reckoning; with ourselves, with institutional racism, and with systemic issues that have been highlighted by the pandemic. Our hearts go out to those affected by COVID-19, and we stand with all members of the Black community. Now is the time to educate ourselves and put in the work necessary to build a more just world. In this moment, we turn to creators, to stories that can take us into other lives, or help us see our own from a new perspective. The Couch Diaries staff has begun to reckon with our own accountability within the systems of racism that are another form of virus in this country. We dedicate ourselves to cultivating a community which supports and uplifts the diverse perspectives that are building our future. We are so proud and thankful of our contributors for sharing their voices with us. We hope that you learn and grow through their stories, and perhaps feel inspired to share your voice as well. Thank you for coming,

Liv Coron & Carolyn Knapp Founders and Editors-in-Chief

Meet the Team: Editors In CHief: Liv Coron & Carolyn Knapp Writing: Liv Coron, Alex Punch, Carolyn Knapp, Juan Vega De Soto, Kahren Eloyan, Olivia Leigh “Oli” Kaminski, Samantha Appleton-Sackett, Stephen Yun, Zoe Brown Design: Carolyn Knapp, Alex Yun, Alexandra Hilairep, Daine Holsteen, Daisy Bell, Halle Baerenstecher, Reilly Brown, SidnEy Cartwright, Sydney Kysar ART: Carolyn Knapp, Ella Gillmor, SidnEy Cartwright, Oli Kaminski Photography: Carolyn Knapp, Ciara Boniface, Charlie Curtin, Daine Holsteen, Max Vonderhorst, Tenny Rudolph, Tres Keiper, Violet Spillers Featured: CHalk Talk, Tenny Rudolph, Ciara Boniface Social Media: Carmen Vosmik 4

INSIDE:

The Microwave Microwave Man Man -- Juan Juan vega vega de de soto soto // fiction, fiction, page page 66 The Artist Spotlight Spotlight -- tenny tenny RudlopH RudlopH // photography, photography, page page 10 10 Artist Window // Keep Keep Watching Watching -- samantha samantha Appleton-sackett Appleton-sackett // poetry, poetry, Window

page 14 14 page

Adrift in in the the world world of of tomorrow tomorrow -- kahren kahren eloyan eloyan // personal personal Adrift essay, page page 16 16 essay,

Planetary dreaming dreaming -- Sidney Sidney Cartwright Cartwright with with words words by by nina nina Planetary tartibi / collage, page 18 tartibi / collage, page 18 What we’re we’re consuming consuming -- maia maia kirkpatrick kirkpatrick // recommendations, recommendations, What

page 20 20 + + Learning Learning about about Institutional Institutional Racism Racism in in america america page

Words with with meaning meaning -- sidney sidney cartwright cartwright // quotes quotes & & art, art, page page 24 24 Words Artist spotlight spotlight -- Ciara Ciara Boniface Boniface // cinematography, cinematography, page page 26 26 Artist statement on on therapy therapy through through the the lens lens of of aa creator creator -- oli oli AA statement kaminski / opinion, page 28 kaminski / opinion, page 28 Normal people people review review -- alex alex punch punch // reviews, reviews, page page 30 30 Normal Ballin’ on on aa budget budget (at (at home) home) -- Liv Liv coron coron // recommendations, recommendations, page page Ballin’

32 32

Are you you there, there, judy judy blume? blume? It’s It’s me, me, katie. katie. -- Katie Katie muschalik muschalik // perperAre

sonal essay, essay, page page 34 34 sonal

Artist spotlight spotlight -- Charlie Charlie curtin, curtin, ella ella gillmor gillmor // photography, photography, Artist art, page page 36 36 art,

Driveway moments moments -- zoe zoe brown brown // personal personal essay, essay, page page 38 38 Driveway Chalk Talk Talk -- Carolyn Carolyn Knapp Knapp // interview interview // music, music, 42 42 Chalk Horoscopes for for active active allies allies -- Stephen Stephen yun yun // page page 46 46 Horoscopes What does does your your future future look look like? like? -- Carolyn Carolyn Knapp Knapp // opinion, opinion, What page 48 48 page

Photo by Daine Holsteen

The Microwave Man by Juan Vega de Soto

In a suburb of the city, inside a large, brown house at the end of a cul-de-sac, on the soft and blue sofa, Mrs. Campos waits for the microwave man. The sofa is from West Elm and cost $1,800 during the President’s Day Sale. It came with an ottoman of the same dark blue. It is a modern sofa, of European taste, with svelte black legs that sweep to the floor. No, sweep is not the right word. Mrs. Campos thinks. The clock ticks. On the mantelpiece is the grey stone bust of a pharaoh. The family bought it as a souvenir from their trip to Egypt last summer. It gazes forward with a grey impassive face. They curve! Yes, of course. The sofa legs curve elegantly to the hardwood floors. Mrs. Campos smiles. That’s precisely the way to put it. She lays on the sofa with her feet extended on the ottoman. A news program plays on T.V. The news lady says, “Three black bears spotted in residential neighborhoods this week”. It is springtime, she explains, so the bears are waking from hibernation. Be careful where you keep your trash, because the bears have not eaten for months. Not for the first time, Mrs. Campos thinks what a crazy country America is. Outside the window, her son Nico is playing soccer in the culde-sac. Nico is seven years old and he is beautiful. Mrs. Campos tells him that every day as she dresses him. ‘Ay pero que

guapo eres’, she’ll say, and part his hair to kiss him above his blue eyes. Mrs. Campos has the same blue eyes – they come from her father, the respected Señor Honorio Smith. Mrs. Campos remembers him in his study in the family home in Buenos Aires, powerful and mustached behind his thick oak desk, explaining to her that the Smiths descended from the English industrialists that sailed to Argentina in the last century. Mrs. Campos grew up secure in the knowledge that the Smiths were a noble family, of blue eyes and good standing in Argentina. She is quietly disappointed to have taken her husband’s name. ‘Campos’ is common. But her husband is a brilliant software engineer and very rich now, even though his family is not of distinction. Microsoft made him an offer he couldn’t refuse, and now the family lives in Seattle. Mrs. Campos stands and looks out the window. Nico kicks the ball around. Still, the microwave man does not come. She has been waiting for months now. The microwave broke in December, and it is April. Twice they were going to send someone and twice they cancelled. She would have found another company that didn’t take so long, but they said she had to pay in advance and now she will lose her money. Today, the company has assured her that the microwave man is finally coming.

9 Design by Sydney Kysar, photo by Carolyn Knapp

Artist sp

Tenny R

Photgr Photgr

potlight

Rudolph

rapher rapher

Tenny Rudolph is a 23-year-old FL based photographer. Rudolph focuses on capturing the individuality displayed by youth around him with the goal to break societal standards. It has always been a goal of Rudolphâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s to create an environment of love and positivity in the city as well.

Poems by Samantha Appleton-Sackett

wwiinnddooww through the window the life I remember water splashing, melon slurping lunch boxes and grass stains fairy gardens and laughter those days of blissful naivety breathing in with clear lungs

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Design by Alex Yun, photos by Carolyn Knapp 15

16 16

Design by Alexandra Hilairep, photos by Violet Spillers and Carolyn Knapp

utiful day. We t, and now it s.

o ticed the

they had no one

were

s m al

ew ho co m

; ain e d pl

I t h ad n o o

ut its bri gh bo

ess.

Today was a beautiful day. We let the Earth rest, and now it can catch up to us. 19

N by Maia Kirkpatrick

TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE Amidst the sometimes depressing and overly intellectual movies I watched during the remainder of my semester, I found myself craving something lighter and funnier, especially since now every time we turn on the news it tends to be something disappointing and upsetting. Team America: World Police did just that for me. Created by South Park’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker, this movie has everything you couldn’t possibly do in 2020 - an extremely offensive musical number about Kim Jon Il, jokes about sexual harassment from actors, and song about AIDS. Nonetheless, this was the perfect movie to take my mind off of what is going on and not think so much about the horrors in the world right now. Where to watch: Hulu, Amazon THIS COUNTRY My mom watched this entire series while she was feeling sick one day (we later found out it was coronavirus, but don’t worry she’s fine). She recommended this to me and I could not stop watching. The BBC series follows Kerry and Kurtan Mucklowe, two cousins living in rural Britain, through their daily shenanigans and provides an interesting insight into the country life in England. This mockumentary style show is filled with sharp humor and some hilarious gags, but also has an incredibly touching and sincere layer to it that I think allows people to connect with the characters more than on just a humorous level. With 2 seasons (and a third out that I can’t seem to stream in the US yet) and only 6 episodes a season, this makes for the perfect quarantine binge.

Where to watch: Hulu

OZARK I know - I’m late to this trend seeing as Ozark has been on for nearly 3 years and I’m just now discovering it. I probably annoy all my friends by saying “okay - but have you seen Ozark?” when they’ve been watching the whole time. I know people have mixed feelings on this showsome say that characters are all just horrible people, others say that its way too sad. While I agree, you can’t deny that this show has you on the edge of your seat at the end of every episode. Ozark follows the Byrde family and their contentious relationship with a Mexican drug cartel. Not only is it excellently written, the performances (particularly from Laura Linney and Julia Garner) are layered and complex. I’d just recommend that you couple your viewing of this with something cheerier, because the frequent murders, explosions, and torture scenes are a little gruesome to handle on their own. Where to watch: Netflix

WELCOME INTERSTATE MANAGERS BY FOUNTAINS OF WAYNE

THEFT BY FINDING: DIARIES (19772002) BY DAVID SEDARIS

Yes - this is the Album with “Stacy’s Mom,” the 2003 hit and frat party favorite. I started listening to this album again after Adam Schlesinger, one of the band’s founding members, tragically passed away early April from COVID-19. My brother used to play this album a lot in the car when we were in high school, but I had somehow forgotten about it in the past few years. Though Fountains of Wayne is most known for Stacy’s Mom, many of their other songs are actually not only incredibly catchy, but have very clever lyrics. My personal favorites from the album are “Hackensack” – a song about someone coping with the rising fame of a friend, and “Hung up on You” – a breakup song with the catchy lyrics “Ever since you hung up on me, I’m hung up on you.” Though I don’t do much driving these days, when I do get out, this album is the perfect soundtrack on the road to nowhere.

I’ve been a pretty consistent journal-er since I was about 12 and there is something that I have always found so interesting about other people’s diaries. In 2017, David Sedaris published a polished version of excepts of his many diaries over a period of about 30 years. Some entries are more interesting than others, but there is something still so fascinating about reading about the mundane activities in life. It’s also interesting to see how someone writes when they don’t necessarily have an audience – though maybe everyone who keeps a diary lives with the fantasy in the back of their heads that they will one day publish these pages for people to read.

DOLLY PARTON’S AMERICA Who doesn’t love Dolly Parton? This podcast explores the fact that Dolly Parton is virtually loved by so many people around the world, people from all different background and beliefs. I grew up knowing who Dolly Parton was because she played Miley Cyrus’ aunt in Hannah Montana. Of course I’ve grown to really like and appreciate her music, but I didn’t know much about her. This 9-episode series dives deep into the “Dollyverse” and discusses her impact not only on the country music industry but virtually the entire world. It may be presumptuous to say this is one of the best podcast I’ve ever listened to, but these 9 episode exceeded all my expectations and left me wishing there were 9 more.

The things I’ve watched, read, and listened to in the past couple of months not only have served served as a source of entertainment in otherwise pretty mundane times, but also as a time capsule of sorts in this weird, but unforgettable, time in my life. I’ve always been one to associate thing things I read, watch, or listen to with a given time in my life. Just like I associate “Bookends” by Simon & Garfunkel with my 10th grade year (when I was also painfully, and embarrassingly out of touch with the “hip” music of the time), I will probably always think of being in lockdown whenever someone mentions Ozark or I hear a Dolly Parton song. At the beginning of this quarantine, I feared my time would move so quickly and I would come out of this not really remembering anything that happened. Though things have moved quite fast, I feel confident that I’ve been able to fill at least some of my time consuming interesting things that I know I will forever associate with this time in my life.

Compiled by Carolyn Knapp

It is your responsibility, especially if you are white or

NBPOC, to make time to educate yourself about the racial oppression that has existed throughout the entire history of America, and that still shapes the lives

of Black folx in our country. Understanding these is-

sues is the first step to taking part in creating a more just world; and it is not Black folx responsibility to educate you.

PODCASTS: • • • • • • •

1619 - NY Times About Race Seeing White Momentum: A Race Forward Podcast Code Switch The Diversity Gap Intersectionality Matters! Hosted by Kimberle Crenshaw

BOOKS NPR):

(RECOMMENDATIONS

FROM

• Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together In The Cafeteria? And Other Conversations About Race by Beverly Daniel Tatum • Race for Profit: How Banks and the Real Estate Industry Undermined Black Homeownership by Keeanga-Yamahtta Taylor • A Terrible Thing To Waste: Environmental Racism And Its Assault On The American Mind by Harriet A. Washington MOVIES: • Blackballed: The Black Vote and U.S. Democracy by Darryl Pinckney • Born In Flames by Lizzie Borden (1983) • Watermelon Woman by Cheryl Dunye (1997) • Dog Whistle Politics: How Coded Racial Appeals Have Reinvented Racism and Wrecked • Disclosure by Sam Feder - Netflix (2020) the Middle Class by Ian Haney López • Do The Right Thing by Spike Lee (1989) • Medical Bondage: Race, Gender, and the • 13th by Ava DuVernay - Netflix (2016) Origins of American Gynecology by Deirdre • If Beale Street Could Talk by Barry Jenkins Cooper Owens (2018) • Body and Soul: The Black Panther Party and • Fruitvale Station by Ryan Coogler (2013) the Fight against Medical Discrimination by • Mudbound by Dee Rees (2017) Alondra Nelson • Selma by Ava DuVernay (2014) TV SHOWS: • Dear White People - Netflix (2017-present) • When They See Us - Netflix (2019) • Insecure - HBO Max (2016-present)

*Note: order your books online from black owned bookstores rather than supporting corporate conglomorates!

Design by Reilly Brown

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know how to explain to you that you

should care about other people

om t’s c a h W

g in

come a n d ill w

w e’ l

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Found It Music Video

I’m a filmmaker currently based in Los Angeles. I love to capture color in each of my films and music videos. Some of my inspirations are Barry Jenkins, Wong Kar-wai, and Kathleen Collins. My work will always be centered around Black folk and the exploration of Black life. I aim to have a voice for Black women in the horror/ thriller sphere because there is a noticeable lack thereof currently in our industry. Right now, I’m pursing my very first horror feature film titled “SKINTIGHT”.

Artist Spotlight

Ciara Boniface - Cinematographer & Director

Summers Over Interlude Music Video

A Statement on Therapy Through the Lens of a Creator

As humanity rapidly advances in the contemporary, abstract world of therapeutic wellness practices and the field of clinical psychology, self care has become an enigmatic, highly elusive, and often a paradoxical practice. The current paradigm of therapy takes on a variety of different forms seeking to capitalize off of mental illness, creating an industry of labels that bank on the commodification of happiness. It advertises mental stability as something that can be instantaneously obtained just by sitting across from a counselor reciting oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s depression and anxieties. Instead of doing the work, today many of us look for an immediate and well-defined solution to our problems without considering the scaffolding of our internal architecture. With the advent of the digital world, millennials and members of Gen Z are disproportionately affected by mental illnesses compared to past generations, inspiring unconventional tactics for combating our subconscious struggles

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in the pursuit of the resolution of our suffering.

At the forefront of the study of the human mind is the invention of art therapy. The genesis of this postmodern body of medicine is founded upon humanist thought: focusing on providing people with an outlet to safely explore their thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and memories through a physical medium. By using art as therapy, people who struggle from any illness or are suffering in any sort of way may process what troubles them. They may begin a deep analysis of themselves so that one can increase their mental clarity and resilience so that they may manifest their own future free of this pain. Art as a reflective mode of expression can function as a double edged sword for both introspection and a coping mechanism in the current times of civil disarray and detachment from awareness of self. Art itself as the embodiment of a personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perception

of their consciousness has been a part of what it means to be human for eons, and since the creation of the 5G world, people of all sorts are becoming increasingly disengaged from humanity. Art as therapy can help us reconnect with our souls, rather than blindly following the voice of the ego and help us recognize the influential presence of the id, taking mental health and healing from our own suffering back into our hands. This self-reliance initiates an accountability within oneself that makes the healing process from whatever trauma one may have more closely resemble discovery rather than a cure, so that one can realize the pow-

er of their own impact and purpose by generating meaning. As an undergraduate student of psychology and art, and being raised alongside the internet, I invoke anyone and everyone to take a minute to engage in contemplation of whatever it is that holds them back from becoming the fullest version of themself or whatever it is that causes you angst. Try illustrating an image representing this so that you may release it unto the universe as something you surrender to so that you can begin to accept whatever it may be, and grow to love yourself and others beyond it.

Design by Daine Holsteen

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Normal People is a portrait of love we have neglected to show. by Alex Punch

In the Western Canon of television and cinema, we have become accustomed to a certain depiction of love; one that paints true love, and particularly young love at that, as a hyper-romanticized notion. We digest so many narratives like this, where wealth is synonymous with popularity and the leading man’s life is the life we are taught to emulate, that we have become numb to this sanitized version of experience. We have been led to believe that real love, deep life-altering connection, can be boiled down to big gestures and grand declarations. But it only takes reading Sally Rooney’s novel Normal People or viewing BBC/Hulu’s tv adaptation of the same name to pull you from that falsity. The narrative, which is grounded so much in the miscommunications of its protagonists, strips this mainstream notion of romance away, quickly becoming a complex portrait of love in a much rawer form. Set in Ireland over the course of about 4 years, the story follows Marianne Sheridan (played by Daisy Edgar-Jones) and Connell Waldren (Paul Mescal) as their lives weave in and out of one another’s, oscillating between love and friendship during the course of their final high school year and their early college ones. In high school, Marianne, who lives in the infamous white mansion in Sligo, is thoughtful and vibrant, though wildly unpopular with her peers who regularly taunt her with slurs like “you ugly, flat-chested bitch”. Equally as intelligent, though from a contrasting socio-economic class is Connell, a well-liked athlete who tends to sideline himself when it comes to the verbal assaults on Marianne, never actively engaging but also never defending her either. The titular characters are thrown together by the fact that Connell’s mother Lorraine (Sarah Greene) works as a housekeeper for Marianne’s family, a circumstance that fosters a very tentative atmosphere between the two and proves the perfect mask for their secret relationship as it begins to blossom. What makes Rooney’s novel so incredibly beautiful is that it never tries to entertain some clean, overly romantic notion of what first love is. This is not to say that she doesn’t explore the beauty of it, she most certainly does, and the

passion of Marianne and Connell’s story seeps through the very pages into your soul (at least it did so for me). But Rooney presents us with a portrait of young love that is often neglected in mainstream entertainment; one where for every wonderful new experience there are just as many messy and tragic ones. She posits that above all, and sometimes to a fault, first love is incredibly difficult to articulate. We see this struggle exemplified in Connell and Marianne’s constant desire to please each other, resulting in them often incorrectly anticipating one another’s feelings and jumping to misplaced conclusions about what the other wants. From these missteps, however, emerges something utterly moving and tragically human: two young people navigating the line between loving and being loved, a concept that evolves as their own identities and surrounding circumstances do. It is no secret that one of the hardest feats to achieve when adapting a book for the screen is capturing everything the characters don’t say; finding a way to visually underscore the tones and textures of the character’s thoughts and inner workings. For a novel that so expertly layers those components into its body, the series had both a lot to live up to and a thin margin of error in terms of getting it right. But boy did they get it right. Somehow this was one of the most palpable aspects of the series – largely due to the poignantly understated yet incredibly nuanced performances of its leads, though credit must also be given to its skilful directors Lenny Abrahamson, best known for his Oscar-nominated film Room who directs the first six episodes, and Hettie MacDonald who has an extensive tv background and deals with the latter six. They take Marianne and Connell’s love as seriously as Rooney does, consistently using close-up shots of their faces to allow the viewer the ability to trace the deep imprints of their love on their psyche as they occur. As the series progresses, and a conversation around the destructive nature of violence and abuse also begins to take shape, the series stays true to its tone and its origins, never succumbing to the drama in an unrealistic way. The soundtrack is also noteworthy: the montage set to Imogen Heap’s “Hide and Seek” is my personal favorite. In short, the series is a masterful adaptation: it does Rooney’s work justice and embellishes it just the right amount. It is rare that we are graced with stories that, rather than shying away from the reality of teen/first love, decide to tackle it in all its messy glory head on. These characters and the short snippet of their lives we are given access to will leave a lasting impression on you, though in what form, much like the love that Rooney herself constructs, is hard for me to articulate.

Design by Halle Baerenstecher

Written by Liv Coron

WELCOME TO BALLIN’ ON A BUDGET… AT HOME EDITION!

Take a Class!

Schools are closed but learning isn’t! Universities like Harvard, Yale, University of Chicago and much more are offering free online classes through online learning websites such as edx and Coursera.

Host a Virtual Movie Night

Hulu has finally done it. Virtual watch parties! Break out the popcorn and share your favorite Hulu content (read What We’re Consuming for recommendations on escapist and socially educational content) with friends around the globe.

Check Out the Northern Lights

While we can’t travel right now, seeing new sights isn’t impossible! Head over to Explore.org to look into their livecam series and view real time footage of the Aurora Borealis.

Sign Petitions! Text and Call Your Representatives!

There are a plethora of petitions to find online just by searching “Black Lives Matter Resources.” Innumerable injustices have been committed in The United States, and YOU have the ability to make our world a bit more just, one petition at a time.

Lastly, get outside! Air is cleaner, birds are louder, so take advantage and enjoy it while we can. Self care is more important than ever right now, and a breath of fresh air can help you center your body and mind.

Tune into the Los Angeles County Museum of Art’s new series “Make Art @ Home” on Youtube of lacma. org to learn new artists skills from professional artists themselves! Recent art styles taught include collage, marble painting, and spin art.

Catch Some Views

First, research why reparations for Black Americans are necessary and just. Then, donate to organizations who’s financials check out, that put money straight in the pockets of Black folx, specifically black trans and queer folks. For some people, your donation might mean the difference between eating and going hungry. And you can donate without paying a cent! Look up blacklivesmatters.carrd. co for links to donate while streaming video for free!

Become an Artist!

ais y

Every Wednesday at 11am PST, head over to https://robmyles. co.uk/theshowmustgoonline/ or Rob Myles on Youtube to see a collection of actors and actress perform Shakespeare’s works in real time. Some of their performances to date include Romeo and Juliet, Comedy of Errors, and The Taming of the Shrew.

Pay Reparations

De sig nb yD

Get Cultured: Watch one of Shakespeare’s Masterpieces, Performed Live

Are You There, Judy Blume? It's Me, Katie. by Katie Muschalik

Well, Pope Francis, I have made a decision. My patron saint is Judy Blume. As is the case for all good Catholic girls, my childhood was filled with a borderline unhealthy obsession with saints. My Grandmothers would get me books entitled “Miniature Stories of the Saints” and “Book of Saints: Part 8,” which I would read religiously (ha ha) until I could school the most pious nun on the differences between the Saint Teresas. All this martyrdom, getting stoned, and direct communication with God fascinated me as much as it frightened me. I mean, these people were hardcore! So, saint-loving girl that I was, I naturally couldn’t wait for the day I would be confirmed into the Catholic church and get to choose a Confirmation saint of my own. Spoiler alert: I’m still not confirmed. Sorry, Grandma. It all started when we moved to Hong Kong at the beginning of middle school, the time when you usually start taking Confirmation classes and all that fun stuff. You know, going on retreats where churchgoers named Nancy Jo lecture you on the dangers of premarital sex while you’re swapping spit with that guy from math class in the back of the bus. Yeah, so I missed all that. Once my family had moved back, my twin sister and I made a measly attempt to stage a late-in-life confirmation, but this proved to be more trouble than it was worth. My childhood dreams of a Confirmation saint went out the window. But lately, I’ve been thinking. I still want a saint of my own. As on-again, off-again as my relationship with organized religion is, I like the concept of a saint – someone you look up to, someone who lived a life you hope to emulate, someone you might even seek guidance from. My 20s are definitely a time when I’m in need of some guidance. And I’m not about to let a lack of confirmation classes deter my dreams of saintly camaraderie. Judy Blume entered my life around the same time that modern life felt like it turned into a dystopian novel, providing me with a sense of calm and focus in an overwhelming world. There were moments in high school when I would pick up the Fudge series (long after I had stopped being the target audience), momentarily transporting myself back into the mental clarity of Katie, age eight. Blume’s life-long willingness to talk about taboo topics in an honest, respectful, and age-appropriate way is as admirable as it is necessary. She doesn’t shy away from subjects like puberty, sexuality, and religion, normalizing and legitimizing the feelings of young women. Her books are like a giant billboard telling you that the way you’re feeling is normal, that you’ll get through this, that everything will be okay in the end. Few writers do this today and even fewer were doing it in the 70s. Blume is in a league of her own.

Like a Mister Rogers of the literary sphere, Blume acknowledges that the emotions of adolescents are valid. I first picked up Otherwise Known as Sheila the Great when I was eight and instantly identified with nervous 10-year-old Sheila Tubman (although I told myself I was more of a Mouse Ellis, yo-yo champion of Tarrytown). Maybe you thought Forever was cheesy and were honestly just disturbed by the whole “Ralph” thing (I know I was). But Forever acknowledged the real, complex feelings of pain, joy, and heartbreak that come with first love and high school coming to an end. The farther we get from these ages ourselves, the more inclined we are to brush aside the painful emotions that come with growing up. But Blume doesn’t brush these things aside. If I truly want someone to emulate, someone who I could seek saintly guidance from, Judy Blume is my girl. Her books feel like they listen. And this is what I want to do. To listen a lot, all the time, to everyone. To acknowledge the feelings and emotions of those around me, just like Judy does. I don’t want to shy away from talking about topics that I care about, no matter how they are perceived by those around me. The common thread throughout her work, I think, is compassion. Compassion – it doesn’t get more “saintly” than that. Catholicism will always be in my life, to some extent. It’s too late, I think, to separate myself from something that has been a part of me for so long. I might not agree with everything Catholicism teaches, but I value how it makes me feel closer to my Grandmothers. I love the traditions, the stories, even the way a church smells. I like remembering when my Grandma used to tell me that if you fall asleep before finishing the Rosary, the angels finish it for you. Before COVID-19 began, I had started going to church at school, because I appreciated the hour of calm and quiet in an increasingly loud world. These might seem like all the wrong reasons to be picking back up my relationship with religion. But they say if you love something, you’ll stick around to see it get better. I want to be there when women can become priests. I want to be there when the church starts protecting its children. I want to be there to see the church start living out what it’s been preaching all along. And if that fails, I know I’ll always have Judy Blume. Saint Judy Blume.

Design by Sydney Kysar

Left and below: art by Ella Gillmor

Left: “Tune In , Freak Out, Get Beaten” by Charlie Curtin

leng l a h t c g rdes a h urin d e h d t ne of appe h some d face e v ’ es I ege” coll

“

Dr veway Moments

written by

Zoe Brown

*coined by NPR, a moment when you’re driving, listening to a radio show or a podcast that you’re enjoying so much that when you get to your destination, you don’t want to stop and get out. So, you remain there, not in the street anymore, and not inside your destination, but in the driveway, continuing on with the moment that was supposed to end when you arrived where you were going.

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believe driveway moments can extend beyond listening to audio to include various liminal moments we wish would last longer. With my graduation date coming up, I’ve been reflecting on the driveway moments sprinkled throughout my time in

college. I was never one of those people you’d catch saying “college was the best years of my life!” I’d still never say that, because I hope for even better years ahead and because some of the hardest challenges

“

I’ve faced happened during college. Two of my close mentors from high school died unexpectedly freshman year. I failed an exam for the first time. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My heart broke more than once. But it also provided some of the best times of my life. My favorite moments often happened in driveways, in the in-betweens of the going-outs and the staying-ins, somewhere not inside in the quiet and not outside in the noise either. Rather, they unfold right in the middle, in the transition from one kind of space to another. The first was when I found out I was accepted to USC. When decisions were being sent out,

country where I didn’t speak a word of the language. And sometime during those two weeks, hopping from Beijing to Shanghai, there was this moment when everything felt right, like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. That feeling doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I take it as the universe reassuring me that everything in my life is on track. I got that same feeling the night I met my last boyfriend

I was exactl y wher I was e suppos ed to be” I trained my family to know that a big yellow envelope meant “time to celebrate” while a small white envelope meant “bring me ice cream every day for a week.” I drove home from school and pulled up to a handmade “FIGHT ON” banner on our front balcony. I broke down in tears in the driveway, enjoying my private victory before I’d share it with everyone else. And the time I went to visit my best friend, Jackie, at her home in Beijing. When we pulled up to her house, I immediately felt at home, even in a

– that everything was lining up just for us, especially since we both almost didn’t go to that Screenwriting Professor’s reunion. Later, he walked me home from the afterparty on our friend’s porch. After a few pauses on the walk to bathe in the glow of the stars and search for constellations, plus a

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few more attempts to delay the goodbye, we arrived at the top of my driveway. Under the spotlight of the stars, we peeled our bodies back from our long goodbye hug and he kissed me, the first of many. But after summer jumped into fall then faded into winter, it ended, as it does. The last time we talked about “us,” was while sitting on the curb outside my apartment. “I don’t know how I can be your friend while I still like you,” I told him. “It’s fine, we can do it,” he said, confidently. His tone usually conveyed confidence, which I found comforting. “I’ll text you, and we’ll play Bananagrams so I can finally beat you.” All that

followed was one last drunk kiss, some slightly awkward run-ins on campus, and the occasional text. He never beat me in Bananagrams because we never played again, but I don’t blame us – just two emotional, anxious, ambitious college kids trying to figure out

how to love and be loved. Then there was the last gameday tailgate of our senior year, sitting with Lili and Julia on our friend’s faded leather couch in his front yard. Comfortable, away from the chaos inside the house and far from the excitement at the game, we didn’t want to leave. We didn’t want this to be the last tailgate. Or the last game. Really, we didn’t want this to be the last of us, together, in college. So we sat, not talking, just being there. We stayed, we drank, we laughed, and eventually, we all went to the game together – a group of seniors who didn’t want their last game day to continue, because that would mean it would have to end. One night spring semester, I had our neighbors over for leftover Magnolia Bakery pudding from my birthday. We’d never hung out all together like that. A few days later, we all met on the front porch, between the street and the house, where we ate Girl Scout Cookies and talked.

It was one of those classic college nights Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d always imagined: a handful of guys and girls, just sitting there, doing nothing, but doing it together. If driveway moments were not meant to last more than a relative moment, could it be that all of college was a driveway moment? We left the comfort of our homes with our families and everything we knew, to be there for four years. Then we leave on the

other side, with infinite possibilities of the real adult world, of careers and mortgages, engagements and births. In college, we could pretend for a while that all of that wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t the impending next chapter of our stories. We could ignore the feeling that the pages were closer to being turned after each late night of studying, partying, or just being

together turned into deep conversations with meaningful friends and finally, sleep. And no matter what is going on in the development of my life, I can always go out to the driveway for a moment, to find balance and space in the in-between. We can always come back to those places that serve as the in-betweens of the secure and the

chaotic, the scheduled and the spontaneous. We donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have to let go of our friends and the moments we never wanted to end. I bet we will still have plenty more of those moments together, and plenty more apart.

Design by Daisy Bell

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by Carolyn Knapp I sat down with my friends from the band Chalk Talk to chat about being in a band that is just gaining traction while graduating high school, all in isolation.

C: Hello friends! Could you explain how Chalk Talk was formed?

N: So me and Fia met at a music academy and hit it off. After we both quit, we wrote an album together. A year and a half later I befriended Stella and Katie at school and asked them to join the band and it just Nina is Chalk Talk’s lead voworked! calist and guitarist and is goK: We’re all just homies! ing to UCLA this fall to study Neuroscience and (hopefully!) C: What is some music that has Music Industry. defined your quarantine expeFia plays the drums and is rience? starting at Savannah College of Art and Design for Advertising S: Fiona Apple’s new album and Film. for me. Katie plays bass (and someN: That’s very Stella. times sings) and is moving to NYC to attend Parsons/The C: What’s your favorite song New School for Journalism and from that album? Graphic Design. Stella is the keyboardist and K: I think the first one [I Want she’s going to be a senior at You to Love Me]. SDA next year (the highschool S: I like Under the Table. that myself and most of the K: I think an album for me is Chalk Talk members previousdefinitely The Miseducation of ly attended) Wooo! Congrats Lauryn Hill. I’ve been listening Stella! to that on repeat.

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F: Also the new Chicano Batman stuff is really good. N: I would say either the new Car Seat Headrest album or Goo by Sonic Youth. Sonic Youth has been an inspiration for me writing guitar parts. They do a lot of cool riffs and play a lot of octave chords which I’ve been trying to do. I feel like Stella’s songs have Fiona Apple vibes! F: Yes and like Frankie Cosmos vibes. S: Also Kimya Dawson has been an influence [on my songs], so kind of more talk singing; telling a story throughout the song. C: Where did you feel that Chalk Talk was at as a band in early March versus now? S: Before [the pandemic] we were playing shows like every weekend. We were practicing covers, making sure our sets were really good, but not recording as much as we wanted. K: As of now, with all this free time we’ve been doing a lot more original songs. Recently we’ve started practicing together, obviously social distancing, but we’ve made like

five new originals that I think are really good. Quarantine has definitely sparked a lot more creativity in the band. F: Now that there’s no stress for shows, we can take our time and really develop stuff. K: We’re definitely experimenting more. I think when we were playing shows we were trying to write more songs that were fun to listen to but now it’s just kind of whatever’s in our brains. It’s a stream of consciousness more than one certain thing. C: So how have you four been interacting during the pandemic and how have you navigated that change? K: Voice memos are absolutely essential. At first it was just us making things solo but now we’ve started practicing together - we go out in the driveway instead of inside Fia’s garage - and it’s a lot better. We can be more cohesive instead of just one of us trying to figure out a song on our own. N: I think I’m kind of surprised by the amount of collaboration we’ve been able to do from our houses with voice memos. Just building off of each other’s ideas and establishing a pretty good basic structure for a song so that when we do get to practice we can just add everything together. I feel like this [extra time] is why we’ve been

experimenting so much - a blessing for songwriting. K: Also I have more time with myself so stuff I wouldn’t

more complex than it was before. N: Now that we have a bit of a reputation I feel like we can surprise people with what we’re working on. It’s kind of nice to have that shock factor with a lot of our new stuff. It’s gonna be exciting. C: Thoughts on being the age you are right now during this pandemic?

have previously thought about or written down for a song comes out of that. F: I feel like we’re really meticulous now. When we did the album [Just A Girl Band] it was more last minute but now we’re like let’s take the time to make this really good. It’s definitely been a change in quality. N: Yeah and also with our first album, me and Fia had already

written all the songs so it was kind of hard once we went into adding bass and keys. Now all four of us are always writing together. K: It feels more collaborative than it used to. S: And I just think our new stuff is more interesting, or

N: Oh my god I’m never gonna stop talking if I start rolling with this, someone else go. K: I don’t know, it feels like now the whole world is at a completely different speed so it’s kind of weird to even think about “normal life,” or what life was before. It just feels like a completely different dimension now. F: I think the transition from high school to college is where you soak up your last moments, so not being able to do that to the full extent is annoying but I’ll never know what I missed. I won’t take things for g r a n t e d again. S: We went from seeing our friends every single day to maybe seeing them once a week at a distance. That’s hard because this is the age where you don’t really want to hang out with your family all the time - it’s overwhelming - and being stuck inside feels so restricting. N: I’m very annoyed that we don’t get all our last high school hurrahs and all the

stuff I’ve been like looking forward to because I’m a very sentimental person. K: I think it definitely puts everything in a new perspective. C: At this point, what do you see as the future of Chalk Talk? K: I feel like we all have very separate lives. But even as time passes, especially now, we can always come back and it feels the same. Even though we’re gonna be all over the country during the school year, we’re never gonna have a problem being creative together or being friends. S: I’ve realized Chalk Talk is actually very young so we still have a lot of time to grow even though they’re all going off to college. F: And knowing that all of this virtual stuff works I have hope for college like there’s always voice memos, there’s always Zoom calls. N: Everyone’s been asking me constantly “Is Chalk Talk breaking up?” and I’m like no, not at all! We have the summer and we have enough new stuff now to release it throughout the year. I feel like I wouldn’t give up college but it’d be cool if we catch somebody’s eye and it takes off. S: There’s new opportunities we’re being presented right now like there’s a Golden Voice zine we’re featured in. C: Nina, you said that it feels selfish to be upset, but I do think that it’s fair to mourn the stuff that you lost.

N: Yeah it’s annoying because we were supposed to play at the Santa Ana Block Party where like 15,000 people come every year and we had a 20 minute set which could have been

such good exposure. Literally every weekend we were down in San Diego either seeing a local show or performing at one and it was a nice little routine we had going. I feel like everything happens for a reason and we’re making a lot better music than we would have been making, but who knows what could have happened. S: It’s sad because our past few shows before quarantine we could tell after every show that more people were listening to us or more people were finding us on Instagram so that’s a bummer that we’re losing that aspect, but we’re still growing in other ways so I don’t know, it kind of balances out. C: What were your thoughts going off to college this year? F: I was just excited to be around creative people and to be in a new type of environment instead of a private high school where there’s like 20 people in my grade. But now [SCAD] sent out an email that’s like we’re gonna be honest we don’t think fall quarter’s happening. I don’t know, I guess that time gives me more time to potentially have my last hurrahs of high school. N: In college you’re so independent all of a sudden so for us to be online fall quarter I feel like I won’t get that push to become independent. And even if we have spring [in person], that will only be one semester in the dorms, and I feel like that’s where you meet people. But I am still very excited and I don’t think that’s gonna change even if it’s online. C: What do you think you’ve gained most from being in Chalk Talk while in high school?

F: Oh my god, so much. I don’t even know where to start. My parents brag to people, hah. It’s just part of my identity. K: I think being in Chalk Talk has definitely made me feel cooler (*laughs*). No I’m just kidding but it has brought me this whole community that I always want to be a part of and I feel like it’s become a personality trait of mine. Being able to learn in the dynamic [of a band] is super helpful in life and I’ve definitely learned a lot more about music. It’s so cool to actually be in a studio - you look at music in a whole different way when you can make it come from nothing. S: It’s definitely diversified my high school experience. N: Yeah, I would say the same, it’s fun to have people come up to me and be like, “Oh my god you’re Nina from Chalk Talk!” Like someone paid for our meal at East Village and it’s not fame because we get more excited than they do but it’s just fun. And you know, Carolyn, the SDA (our highschool) music scene is so important to our community and ever since entering high school I wanted to be like [the musicians in your grade]. And now they’re putting our music on their playlists! C: That playlist is incredible. N: I know! I literally saw we were on “Snakepit Sesh” and

I started crying. It’s the little things. I feel like I’m making my freshman year self so proud. C: I feel like it’s funny because when I was a freshman or sophomore at SDA I don’t remember the band scene being nearly as big. It was like Rubenstein Drive By and Mr. Mumble that started Snakepit Sesh. S: Yes! I got a flashback to two years ago today, my very first Che Cafe show (a venue in San Diego) was Rubenstein Drive By and Mr. Mumble and I remember that day

side Nina’s house and we were parked in a car listening to it and it was just so how we were feeling. It feels like the most raw song of ours. N: I wrote it in a very melancholy period of time but I got inspiration from a funny story. The feedback from everyone in the band was so good, everyone plays such an amazing part in this song. I’ve heard very different feedback from people, some people cry or laugh when they hear it. F: I also think it’s really catchy so when we do play it live it’ll be really fun. S: The release of it comes at a good time because it’s about leaving high school - or I interpret it about being left behind - but I think a lot of seniors can identify with that. F: Yeah, we were supposed to play it at graduation but since that isn’t happening we’re like let’s just put it out as soon as possible.

band, just to keep the SDA music scene alive. N: (thumbs down). S: It will never replace Chalk Talk! We’re gonna have flute and stuff. It’ll be like, not R&B, it’s like souly. F: It’s like Lizzo, hah! S: I don’t know, you’ll see, you’ll see. N: I’m excited, it’s gonna be good! Chalk Talk has never gotten in any fights or had creative differences so I don’t ever really see us breaking up. I’ve been doing music my whole life, and I’m studying neuroscience but I want to learn about the music industry. I just have to do something with music in the future.

C: What are your creative goals in the future, personally and for the band? I was like, “They’re so cool, oh my god!” N: Hah, I hope freshmen are looking at us like that. C: Can you tell me about your newest release, Bye Anne? N: It’s sad. F: Yeah it’s sad but it’s also like Angel Olsen vibes, it’s very developed. Definitely a different sound. K: Nina wrote the lyrics with super rough guitar, kind of just the skeleton of the song, and then Stella sent over rough piano and we were like oh my god this is amazing. I was out-

F: Once we hit the studio after quarantine, let’s just make a year’s worth of songs that we can distribute while we’re across the country. Just keeping the spirit alive is so important. K: I think we’re kind of in the mood where we’re like “fuck it” because we just want to get shit out there, we have so many songs and there are so many things that we all want to try. We’re just so desperate to get into the studio and put out music on Spotify and Itunes. S: I agree. Just pushing out our new stuff in a well made way, and once they graduate some of my friends and I are making a Photos & design by Carolyn Knapp

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HOROSCOPES

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You may have found yourself re-considering personal relationships in recent months. It’s something many people now find themselves doing in such a divisive time. Stop beating around the bush and start to have uncomfortable conversations with loved ones. The only way these things become comfortable is by confronting them.

This month you are in desperate need of progress. You want to see change within your life, and you want it now. Use this drive to take initiative within your own community: starting where we stand is how we make waves. Who is your district representative and where do they stand on the issues? You can find out who your representative is by entering your zip code on house.gov at any time.

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You may find yourself coming out of a confusing period of your life. You are gaining more clarity as we move into July, and this in turn gives you more energy. Use this to get involved in a multitude of ways. Don’t just stop after a few posts and protests: the Montgomery bus boycotts lasted 382 days. Does that put things into perspective? We’re just getting started. Put your newfound energy to work!

Your ability to be a leader and teacher for others is a strength during these times. Continuing to share resources is an important way to get petitions signed and stories trending. Always make sure to check the validity of resources you share, especially ones that include donation links.

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You seem burnt out from technology these past few months. Find ways to get involved with the cause offline: read books by Black authors about systemic racism. I personally recommend So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo for beginners. Additionally, Refinery 29 has a published list of Black owned bookstores you can support, categorized by state. Google it, it’s that easy to find.

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You may be nearing the end of a long period of reflection. Now is the time to take these evaluations and step forward with the fire inside you; it’s been burning for quite some time. If you’re able-bodied, let your voice be heard at protests. Remember that if you are a non-Black ally, your job at protests is to protect and amplify. Nothing more, and certainly nothing less.

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This advice column is a bit out of the ordinary, as it felt tone deaf to make one when it’s clear that I, like others, have been too passive in the fight for equality. We have failed. That is the only explanation for the state of our country today. So, please take these recommendations in the fight for racial justice with a grain of salt and continue to work however you can most effectively...

DISCLAIMER

(for active allies)

JUN 20 - JUL 22

CANCER SEASON

You may find yourself struggling to break toxic patterns in your life, especially when it comes to money. One way to continue to support the movement is by making a greater effort to support Black businesses. Order takeout from Black owned restaurants -- Postmates literally has an entire section for that now! -- and download Browser extensions like Progressive Shopper to know what your online spending habits are really funding.

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The pressure you’ve felt these past few months may have you second-guessing yourself. You may want some guidance during these times. And luckily, most people’s position in this conversation is as a supporter. Take the time to listen to Black experiences -- amplify Black voices and respect them.

As the creators of the zodiac, you may be feeling a surge of artistic inspiration as a result of the heightened emotions you may be feeling right now. Use that to your advantage: practice art activism to help fuel the movement. If you’re an ally capable of doing so, consider donating profits you make off of your art to bail funds.

Aries are reaching the end of a very productive cycle that has allowed them to re-prioritize. Preserve this new perspective and advocate for the future you want by getting involved with election offices and writing officials about re-shaping the system. What goals do you have? What particular changes do you want to see?

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You may find yourself facing a change in perspective these days. Now, more than ever, Taurus is inclined to stand up and fight for the issues they find important to them. But this is overwhelming and heavy: as important as it is to get involved, it’s just as important to take steps to avoid burnout. This is just the beginning, and you need to keep yourself grounded and prepared to keep pushing forward. As per usual, Gemini is prone to putting too much pressure on oneself. And that can be even more stressful when there’s a lot of external struggle all around you. If you find yourself feeling weighed down by the ni work you’re doing, remember you aren’t fighting alone. Chances are there are people trying to do the same things as you, and they are likely willing to help. Take a step back and collaborate. You can’t change the world alone; this is a collective effort.

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Regardless of how you feel about astrology, anti-racism is something we all need to commit to. It shouldn’t take a horoscope to tell you how to get involved, but if it does, I hope you’ll listen. I hope you get out there and do more, because we all need to be doing more, especially all of you non-BIPOC allies. Enough is enough. Protest. Donate. Read. Watch. Listen. Call. E-mail. Vote. And pay attention. Yours truly, Stephen (Sagittarius Sun | Aries Moon | Taurus Rising) Written by Stephen Yun, design by Alex Yun

What Does Your Future Look Like? by Carolyn Knapp

The theme of Couch Diaries Issue 02 was “What are We Going to do With All This Future?” Since then, the tangibility and predictability of “this future” has been flipped upside down. Our journey into young adulthood has come to an abrupt halt, but our generation also feels energized and awakened like never before. With unemployment rates hitting 18-25 year olds particularly hard, TikTokers interfering with politics, and a full scale revolution against the status quo of institutional racism being led by Generation Z, we are poised to force true change against systemic inequalities. The world (and particularly the United States, resulting from a total lack of clear leadership) has been plunged into violent polarization between those who blindly follow government leadership as a validation of their own selfishness, and those who are manifesting a just future for every human. I am disappointed by the lack of coexistence among humanity in our present moment, but as I have grown

into the world, I am not remotely surprised. Politics have moved past the point of polite conversation, as political division now represents clashing worldviews that are heavily encouraged by propaganda. The institutions that thrive under US capitalism and corporate goals are inherently violent against people of color, particularly Black Americans. Large brands embracing “social justice trends” like #blackouttuesday may have raised awareness, but are purely performative if not backed up by reparations, policy and hiring change, and other direct actions to permanently dismantle systemic racism. Furthermore, Amazon and other wealthy corporations have used the pandemic to transfer wealth away from the workers who are being killed by their inhumane work conditions, and into the pockets of oligarchs. Trevor Noah described the revolutionary resurgence of Black Lives Matter around the world as a domino effect, in which every domino, from COVID-19 job loss and racial deaths to environmental collapse to daily microaggressions and police brutality have all toppled,

inciting a huge wave of rage and action. But the magical world of the internet still allows people to create their own “facts” and block any opinions that conflict with theirs. No matter what you believe, it has become increasingly difficult to determine what or who to trust, and increasingly easy to avoid thinking critically about your own beliefs. One presentation given to Facebook senior executives warned that “if left unchecked,” Facebook would feed users “more and more divisive content in an effort to gain user attention & increase time on the platform,” (NY Times). When approaching “facts” that you see online, keep in mind who is in a position of power and who is benefiting from the situation. Use your critical thinking skills to question everything. I know that this is much more difficult and unpleasant than just accepting what you hear or read, but we can no longer take for granted the fact-checking news. The more we allow our opinions and biases to go unchallenged, the more divisive our country will continue to become. What kind of future does this

leave us with? We are at the onset of our lives, just now growing out of childhood and into ourselves. Will this violent divide between beliefs continue to grow unchallenged? If not, we are the ones who need to lead the change. Nobody else, not technology nor a higher power, is going to swoop in and heal our wounds. So I beg of you, decide what kind of future you want, for your world, your communities, and build it. There is no time like the present. In the words of Bob Dylan: Yes, ‘n’ how many ears must one man have Before he can hear people cry? Yes, ‘n’ how many deaths will it take ‘til he knows That too many people have died? The answer, my friend, is blowin’ in the wind The answer is blowin’ in the wind Sources: The New York Times, Trevor Noah, Vice News, Twitter

come again soon!

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