The Heart of David by Aeron Brown by Centerpoint School of Ministry

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H E A RT O F DAV I D presence and beauty

ON E T HING I H AV E A SK ED OF T HE LOR D, A ND T H AT I W IL L SEEK: T H AT I M AY DW EL L IN T HE HOUSE OF T HE LOR D [IN HIS PR ESENCE] A L L T HE DAYS OF M Y L IF E, TO GA Z E U P ON T HE BE AU T Y [T HE DEL IGH T F U L LOV EL INESS A ND M AJEST IC GR A NDEU R] OF T HE LOR D A ND TO M EDI TAT E IN HIS T E M PL E. K ING DAV ID

CONTENTS

WEEK O N E 14

the beauty and pleasures of God

WEEK T WO the emotions of God

WEEK T H REE prayer, praise, and thanksgiving

WEEK FO U R 50

the gift of lament // declare and decree

WEEK FIVE journaling, creativity, and expression

WEEK S I X sing the Word, pray the Word, speak the Word

WEEK S E VEN the Father’s heart

WEEK EI G H T the lifestyle of David // commissioning

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ONE THING I SEEK Once upon a time, there was a man. He was a cast-off. A scrappy kid and shepherd left with the things no one else wanted to do. An outcast, neglected son, and disowned brother, undoubtedly abandoned by his family and often forgotten. He was placed out of sight and out of mind to do menial tasks in true obscurity. He rarely felt the warmth of the inside of his home or the companionship of his brothers. His father’s and mother’s approval and validation were drowned out by the vast silence of the hillsides where he tended to filthy animals. He became a poet, a songwriter with a makeshift guitar made from tree branches and animal hides. He would sing late into the night, writing the songs of his forefathers upon his chest with the pen of a ready writer; he crafted a cathedral within his being, made from melodies and lyric, declarations, praises of his God, thanksgiving for the breath in his lungs and the throbbing in his heart. He was a small, not-too-impressive-looking, wild young bare-fisted brawler, defending his sheep from the monsters that crept along the pathways toward water and fields to feed in. He became no ordinary man, in spite of being left for dead upon the back hills of nowhere. His burning heart became his hands that would slay lions and bears as he lived off of the earth. This seemingly nameless and faceless vagabond grew to become a trained musical warrior shepherd, singing into the dark night, dancing under stars, slinging stones into the atmosphere like rockets against predators seeking to steal his lambs. Until he was anointed by the prophet of the land, he sang songs that dislodged demons and enthroned angels over the king of the land. He slew giants and became the song of his people until one day he became the king himself. Some thought he was possessed by insanity — others believed he was the greatest man on the earth during his days. David became a military genius, a creative artist, a murderer and an adulterer, a dancer, a failing father, and a washed-up old leader; he became a disillusioned dreamer, a man of severe limitations struggling with anger, all the while remaining the anointed, gifted, deeply emotional, deeply joyful, loud, expressive, passionate man from the hillsides. But at the end of his days, he was known for one thing alone — by God his Creator, he was known as “a man after His own heart”. You are invited to go on the journey of David to become a student of God’s emotions and to resound with the same heartbeat of David — the very heartbeat of God in the earth. - Aeron Brown

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aeron brown Aeron is a work in process in the hands of the world’s greatest Artist… a man after God’s own heart… a child of Abba. At Vineyard at the River Church in Santa Ana, he is the Pastor of Worship & Creativity; he also serves at churches nationwide as a guest minister in worship, live painting, prophetic ministry, speaking, and teaching. He is a long time guest minister to Centerpoint Church in Murrieta, CA. Aeron is a professional artist and has been the owner of Aeron Brown Art since 2007; he is also a singer and songwriter under his own name and AB & Fam. Aeron has started several creative events and businesses around Southen California, including Art in The Alley, the Redlands Downtown Artwalk, and the Threshold Art Gallery. His passion is to draw people into life-changing encounters with the heart of God, whether in the market place, in the church, or the home. His core values are love and learning. God’s presence, the beauty of God, and the revelation of God as a Father has become his message to the world. Using vulnerability, creativity, and playfulness, Aeron is a messenger and conduit of the Holy Spirit, longing to see the fire of God manifest in the earth.

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A C A L L TO T H E DAV I D - H E A R T I see you — on the back-side of nowhere, the lonely, forgotten, abandoned, and rejected. I have felt the ache in your chest, the longing to see a better world before your eyes. I have heard your cries in the night, the pain of your years. I have seen your searching for me. I have felt your soul pulling towards me. My eyes have been searching for the ones who are after my heart. I see you. I know you. So many have said ‘no’ to me, but I have seen the ‘yes’ in your heart — even your weak, faint ‘yes’ is still a true and sincere ‘yes’ to me. You know there is more than what you have been taught by the culture around you. My creative one — with deep emotion, deep feelings, and passions within you. You have heard my spirit riding like a song on the wind, you have felt me speaking along the hillsides and at the water’s edge. You have felt me under the procession of the starry night and in the dark caves of your generation. My symphony is yours, my war cry is in your lungs, my visions are painted before your eyes, my whisper is in your land and you are more than what was spoken over you. Oh, my broken artist with a broken pen… you feel called to greatness, but what good could come from a weak and weary sinner like you… “O storm-battered…, troubled and desolate! I will rebuild you with precious jewels and make your foundations from lapis lazuli. I will make your towers of sparkling rubies, your gates of shining gems, and your walls of precious stones. I will teach all your children, and they will enjoy great peace.” (Isaiah 53:11) Hear my heartbeat my dear one. Come now and feel my heart towards you. My heart is calling like thunder over the earth, “ David! Come pick up the stones again. David! Come pick up your sling! David, come pick up your harp and sing! Sing the love songs again that make the demons flee! David! I’m not hiding from you, I’m hiding for you. My heart is on display around every corner, just for you, my beloved child.” “It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.” Proverbs 25:2 Come now my royal tribe, rise up my kings! Arise in your royalty. Come my giantkillers, my warriors, my mighty men and women… come singers, poets, misunderstood mystics, come creatives, come wanderers, come after my heart I have laid it open, wide open for you. I will unfold my raging and wild love into your being. I will unlock the secrets that have been concealed for generations now in these days that you live. You will carry my heart like no other in human history, for I am returning the Tabernacle of David back to the earth. Your heart is my cathedral. I am riding in upon your song. Your dance is sculpting the atmosphere of your cities. My heart will be on display before the nations, that I am gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger, and rich in love. (Psalm 103) 4

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P S A L M 27 Fearless Faith David’s poetic praise to God before he was anointed king The Lord is my revelation-light to guide me along the way; he’s the source of my salvation to defend me every day. I fear no one! I’ll never turn back and run from you, Lord; surround and protect me. When evil ones come to destroy me, they will be the ones who turn back. My heart will not be afraid even if an army rises to attack. I know that you are there for me, so I will not be shaken. Here’s the one thing I crave from God, the one thing I seek above all else: I want the privilege of living with him every moment in his house, finding the sweet loveliness of his face, filled with awe, delighting in his glory and grace. I want to live my life so close to him that he takes pleasure in my every prayer. In his shelter in the day of trouble, that’s where you’ll find me, for he hides me there in his holiness. He has smuggled me into his secret place, where I’m kept safe and secure— out of reach from all my enemies. Triumphant now, I’ll bring him my offerings of praise, singing and shouting with ecstatic joy! Yes, listen and you can hear the fanfare of my shouts of praise to the Lord! God, hear my cry. Show me your grace. Show me mercy, and send the help I need! Lord, when you said to me, “Seek my face,” my inner being responded, “I’m seeking your face with all my heart.” 6

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So don’t hide yourself, Lord, when I come to find you. You’re the God of my salvation; how can you reject your servant in anger? You’ve been my only hope, so don’t forsake me now when I need you! My father and mother abandoned me. I’m like an orphan! But you took me in and made me yours. Now teach me all about your ways and tell me what to do. Make it clear for me to understand, for I am surrounded by waiting enemies. Don’t let them defeat me, Lord. You can’t let me fall into their clutches! They keep accusing me of things I’ve never done while they plot evil against me. Yet I totally trust you to rescue me one more time, so that I can see once again how good you are while I’m still alive! Here’s what I’ve learned through it all: Don’t give up; don’t be impatient; be entwined as one with the Lord. Be brave and courageous, and never lose hope. Yes, keep on waiting—for he will never disappoint you!

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1 ) WHAT’S THE FIRST THING THAT COMES TO MIND WHEN YOU THINK OF DAVID? 2 ) DO YOU FIND IT DIFFICULT TO FEEL GOD’S LOVE? 3 ) DO YOU EXPERIENCE GOD’S PRESENCE? 4 ) IS GOD MOSTLY HAPPY OR MOSTLY ANGRY? 5 ) DO YOU WANT TO SLAY GIANTS?

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the beauty and pleasures of God be//coming home You are the artistry within the canopy embroidered tapestries woven deep in my being Oh, intimacy, intertwining You and me this new reality gentle cords, bands of true love Oh, the joy of belonging my heart is Your home in beholding, I’m becoming the dwelling of God I’ve been torn but you’re mending me You drew me within your wings You’ve sewn up what was ripping I’m restored by Your beauty You braided a crown of thorns placed Your blood upon my heart like a nest for your dove to rest Oh, I am Your dwelling All Your rivers, they come weaving into me at the sound of your waterfalls deep cries unto deep Oh, the joy of belonging my heart is your home in beholding, I’m becoming the dwelling of God

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psalm 16

Keep me safe, my God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” I say of the holy people who are in the land, “They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.” Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more. I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods or take up their names on my lips. Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead, nor will you let your faithful one see decay. You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

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T H E B E AU T Y A N D PL E A S U R E S O F G O D What separated David from all the other characters in the bible wasn’t his unflinching obedience or acts of faith; it wasn’t his sinless performance of living or his excellent leadership in his everyday life. We could easily point to better examples of great men in the bible who accomplished those things: people like Daniel, Moses, Abraham or several others throughout scripture. David absolutely walked in all those things in his life in powerful demonstrations, but what God chose to highlight about David to the world wasn’t his military skill, his musical ability to cast out demons with a song, or even his legacy as a king of Israel. God repeatedly spoke highly about one aspect of David that drove him to success in every other aspect of his journey on the earth: God called David, “A man after his own heart” (Acts 13:22) David sought and discovered the beauty of God’s heart. He wrote, “One thing I ask one thing I seek to dwell in your presence and gaze upon your beauty all the days of my life”. (Psalm 27:4) David was obsessed with the beauty of God. Within that beauty that he beheld, he was transformed by the supreme pleasures of knowing God. He became an addict of the beauty and pleasure, the presence and awareness of his ABBA, the God of his forefathers, the creator of the whole universe. David knew that “it takes God to love God”; like it says in 1 John 4:19, “ We love because He first loved us”. David learned that when he put the first thing in first place and became a lover of who God was, all else was added to him. He put the first commandment in first place.

“Jesus said unto him, ‘… Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind, This is the first and greatest commandment’.” Matthew 22:37

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A T H I N G O F B E AU T Y I S A J OY F O R E V E R . // J O H N K E AT S

1. beauty: “the quality or aggregate of qualities in a person or thing that gives pleasure to the senses or pleasurably exalts the mind or spirit: LOVELINESS. 2. beautiful: “having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.: delighting the senses or mind.” 3. It takes God to love God. 4. When we talk about God’s glory, we’re talking about His presence and beauty.

In this high place, your eyes will see the king in his stunning beauty and gaze upon his broad domain. You will look back on the fears of your past and say, “Now, where is the scholar? Where is the advisor? Where is the one who numbers those who are maturing?” Isaiah 33:17-18 TPT

5. Having the heart of David means we hear a call to become addicted to encountering God’s glory.

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the emotions of God won’t stop kissing When I was still a long way off, You saw me You saw me When I was still so far from home, You came running You came running with wild fire in Your eyes Your arms stretched out to me tears rolling down Your face You came and swept me off my feet Like the waves pounding upon the shore You placed my head upon Your heart with a cry of laughter and a shout so strong You sang, “My child has come home!” And He simply won’t stop kissing me You simply won’t stop kissing me Here’s the fattened calf come have a laugh and dance, my child Strike up the band, let’s have a laugh and dance, my child For you were once dead, but now alive, my child you are home I’m all wrapped up I’m all wrapped up in Your love I’m all caught up I’m all caught up in Your love I’m all messed up I’m all messed up in Your love with a robe, and ring, and sandals on my feet You clothe me with Yourself You’re clothing me // lyrics by aeron brown

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psalm 84 God of Heaven’s Armies, you find so much beauty in your people! They’re like lovely sanctuaries of your presence. Deep within me are these lovesick longings, desires and daydreams of living in union with you. When I’m near you my heart and my soul will sing and worship with my joyful songs of you, my true source and spring of life! O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, my King and my God, even the sparrows and swallows are welcome to build a nest among your altars for the birds to raise their young. What pleasure fills those who live every day in your temple, enjoying you as they worship in your presence! (pause in His presence) How enriched are they who find their strength in the Lord; within their hearts are the highways of holiness! Even when their paths wind through the dark valley of tears, they dig deep to find a pleasant pool where others find only pain. He gives to them a brook of blessing filled from the rain of an outpouring. They grow stronger and stronger with every step forward, and the God of all gods will appear before them in Zion. Hear my cry, O God of Heaven’s Armies! God of Jacob, listen to my loving prayer. (pause in His presence) God, your wrap-around presence is our defense. In your kindness look upon the faces of your anointed ones. For just one day of intimacy with you is like a thousand days of joy rolled into one! I’d rather stand at the threshold in front of the Gate Beautiful, ready to go in and worship my God, than to live my life without you in the most beautiful palace of the wicked.

For the Lord God is brighter than the brilliance of a sunrise! Wrapping himself around me like a shield, he is so generous with his gifts of grace and glory. Those who walk along his paths with integrity will never lack one thing they need, for he provides it all! O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, what euphoria fills those who forever trust in you!

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T H E E M OT I O N S O F G O D

Part of God’s glory is the revelation of His emotions. We understand the why behind the what; I do not mean that we understand it fully. We understand a little bit of what moved His heart, what made Him determined to do the things that He has done throughout history, and what He is going to do in the future. One of the great experiences of Moses in Exodus 33:18-19: “And he said, ‘Please, show me Your glory.’ Then He said, ‘I will make all My goodness pass before you, and I will proclaim the name of the LORD before you. I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.” It is as if Moses urgently said, “Please, show me Your beauty, show me Your glory God.” Moses is there in this very dynamic experience. (Exodus 33) This is not a domesticated prayer request. He is alive with this; Moses is pleading with urgency: “God, one thing, I want to see is Your glory. I want to see Your beauty.” The Lord answers and He says, “OK, Moses. Here is what I am going to do: two things, I am going to make My goodness pass in front of you. You are going to see My goodness. Secondly, I am going to preach God to you. I am going to proclaim My name to you” (Ex. 33:19, paraphrased). Here is God preaching God. You cannot imagine anything more powerful than God preaching God to the human heart. He says, “I am going to tell you My name.” David’s hands were occupied in running a kingdom. David was the king, and David was running an entire kingdom. He was the head of the army. David’s hands were occupied, but David’s heart was preoccupied with the beauty of God, while David’s hands were occupied in the assignment God had given him. God has the best personality in the universe. We want to see it. He is kind, good, pure, and really smart. He is mysterious; He is extremely passionate, yet He is gentle. God is really bold; God is humorous. There are many dimensions of God’s personality. Beloved, we want the urgency of Moses to see the glory of the Lord. Beloved, we want the urgency that David had. We want to make it the preoccupation of our heart while we are on the earth to seek this one thing. The beholding and becoming principle: Paul, the apostle, says in 2 Corinthians 3:18: “beholding the glory of the Lord.” Here is the principle: whatever we behold in God’s heart towards us, we become. For example, we behold His love, mercy, graciousness, and abounding goodness. Whatever we behold, whatever we see about God’s heart towards us, it awakens our heart back towards God. When we see God’s passion and love for us, it awakens passion and love in us back to God. Whatever we behold about Him is what is awakened in us. We become what we behold. If you understand this and you buy into it, it changes what you do in your personal prayer life. // Mike Bickel 30

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O U R E M OT I O N S A R E N OT T R A N S F O R M E D BY T RY I N G H A R D E R , B U T BY S E E I N G M O R E C L E A R LY. // M I K E B I C K L E

1. “What comes into our minds when we think about God is the most important thing about us.” // A.W. Tozer

He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:

2. “I read in a periodical the other day that the fundamental thing is how we think of God. By God Himself, it is not! How God thinks of us is not only more important, but infinitely more important. Indeed, how we think of Him is of no importance except in so far as it is related to how He thinks of us.” // C.S. Lewis

He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

3. God called David a man after His own heart… a man after HIS OWN EMOTIONS.

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him;

4. Psalm 16

for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.

5. Acts 13:22

Psalm 103:7-17 NIV

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prayer, praise, and thanksgiving the roaring rose life blooming from our chest thunder pouring from our lips making ripples in the earth dislodging demons enthroning angels ushering us back into Eden our ‘thank you’ becomes a password to His presence our prayer is the whisper of two lovers our praise is the boast over the monsters of the land

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psalm 7 I come to you for protection, O Lord my God. Save me from my persecutors—rescue me! If you don’t, they will maul me like a lion, tearing me to pieces with no one to rescue me. O Lord my God, if I have done wrong or am guilty of injustice, if I have betrayed a friend or plundered my enemy without cause, then let my enemies capture me. Let them trample me into the ground and drag my honor in the dust. Interlude Arise, O Lord, in anger! Stand up against the fury of my enemies! Wake up, my God, and bring justice! Gather the nations before you. Rule over them from on high. The Lord judges the nations. Declare me righteous, O Lord, for I am innocent, O Most High! End the evil of those who are wicked, and defend the righteous. For you look deep within the mind and heart, O righteous God. God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right. God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day. If a person does not repent, God will sharpen his sword; he will bend and string his bow.

He will prepare his deadly weapons and shoot his flaming arrows. The wicked conceive evil; they are pregnant with trouble and give birth to lies. They dig a deep pit to trap others, then fall into it themselves. The trouble they make for others backfires on them. The violence they plan falls on their own heads. I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High.

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PR AY E R , PR A I S E , A N D T H A N KS G I V I N G This is a true story from Brennan Manning in the book, Abba’s Child: Once a woman asked me to come and pray with her father, who was dying of cancer. When I arrived, I found the man lying in bed with his head propped up on two pillows and an empty chair beside his bed. I assumed the old fellow had been informed of my visit. “I guess you were expecting me,” I said. “No, who are you?” “I’m the new associate at your parish ,” I replied. “When I saw the empty chair, I figured you knew I was going to show up.” “Oh yeah, the chair ,” said the bed-ridden man. “Would you mind closing the door?” Puzzled, I shut the door. “I’ve never told anyone this, not even my daughter,” said the man, “but all my life I have never known how to pray. At the Sunday Mass I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it always went right over my head. “I abandoned any attempt at prayer ,” he continued, “until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me, ‘Joe, prayer is just a simple matter of having a conversation with Jesus. Here’s what I suggest. Sit down on a chair, place an empty chair in front of you, and in faith see Jesus on the chair. It’s not spooky because He promised, “I’ll be with you all days.” Then just speak to Him and listen in the same way you’re doing with me right now.’ “So, Padre, I tried it, and I like it so much that I do it a couple of hours every day. I’m careful though. If my daughter saw me talking to an empty chair, she’d send me off to the funny farm.” I was deeply moved by the story and encouraged the old guy to continue on the journey. Then I prayed with him, anointed him with oil, and returned to the rectory. Two nights later the daughter called to tell me that her daddy had died that afternoon. “Did he seem to die in peace?” I asked. “Yes. But there was something strange. In fact, beyond strange—kinda weird. Apparently just before Daddy died, he leaned over and rested his head on a chair beside his bed.”

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I W I L L PR A I S E T H E N A M E O F G O D W I T H A S O N G , I W I L L M AG N I F Y H I M W I T H T H A N KS G I V I N G . // P S A L M 69:30 1. “God of all my praise, don’t stand silently by, aloof to my pain… I will pray until I become prayer itself.” Psalm 109:1,4 2. “But I will give my thanks to you over and over and everyone will hear my lavish praises. For you stand right next to the broken ones as their saving hero to rescue them from all their accusers.” Psalm 109: 30-31 3. “I will bring to my holy mountain and give them joy in my house of prayer. Their burnt offerings and sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house will be called a house of prayer for all nations.” Isaiah 56:7 4. “Hallah” is the most common word for praise. This word simply means to boast, brag, or rave about God even to the point of appearing foolish. 5. “Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live…” (Psalm 63:3-4).

God’s response to our prayers is not a charade. He does not pretend that he is answering our prayer when he is only doing what he was going to do anyway. Our requests really do make a difference in what God does or does not do. The idea that everything would happen exactly as it does regardless of whether we pray or not is a specter that haunts the minds of many who sincerely profess belief in God. It makes prayer psychologically impossible, replacing it with dead ritual at best. And of course God does not respond to this. You wouldn’t either. // Dallas Willard

6. “Barak” is used to denote blessing. “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised” (Job 1:21). (Judges 5:1-2; Psalm 72:15) Barack suggests the transcendent privilege of blessing the Lord.

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the gift of lament // declare and decree reap in joy My love, my dear son, I know. I see you. I know you so intimately. You are so near to my heart. I have felt the pain, the years, and the accusations. I know the way you have felt for God, left alone, set aside. But you are not alone. I have wept as you wept. I have been with you in the grey clouded days, the dry barren fields, the wanderings. In the long days where you plowed and plowed. Through the years, where it seemed nothing was coming from your labor. I have not forgotten you. I have not given up on what I have spoken. The ones who said they would be with you have gone, but I remain. I am the only one who can fill the deepest place in your heart. But look. Pause a moment. Let’s weep together. Though your sins were like scarlet, they are now white as snow. I know that you feel like you would rather be anyone else, but son hear me. Those who sow in tears will reap in joy. Be kind to yourself. I love you. I am in love with you. You have moved my heart. See, I am turning your tears into fields of flowers. Beauty for the ash-heap. What the enemy planned for evil will be turned for good. Look, I am tearing open these clouds. I am lifting your head. I beckon you to put down the plow for a moment. Rest, and see how the enemy falls into his own pit. As I promote you to a place of great fruitfulness. Come now, see my Kingdom at work in you. I declare a better day.

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psalm 42 I long to drink of you, O God, drinking deeply from the streams of pleasure flowing from your presence. My longings overwhelm me for more of you! My soul thirsts, pants, and longs for the living God. I want to come and see the face of God. Day and night my tears keep falling and my heart keeps crying for your help while my enemies mock me over and over, saying, “Where is this God of yours? Why doesn’t he help you?” So I speak over my heartbroken soul, “Take courage. Remember when you used to be right out front leading the procession of praise when the great crowd of worshipers gathered to go into the presence of the Lord? You shouted with joy as the sound of passionate celebration filled the air and the joyous multitude of lovers honored the festival of the Lord!” So then, my soul, why would you be depressed? Why would you sink into despair? Just keep hoping and waiting on God, your Savior. For no matter what, I will still sing with praise, for living before his face is my saving grace! Here I am depressed and downcast. Yet I will still remember you as I ponder the place where your glory streams down from the mighty mountaintops, lofty and majestic—the mountains of your awesome presence. My deep need calls out to the deep kindness of your love. Your waterfall of weeping sent waves of sorrow over my soul, carrying me away,

cascading over me like a thundering cataract. Yet all day long God’s promises of love pour over me. Through the night I sing his songs, for my prayer to God has become my life. I will say to God, “You are my mountain of strength; how could you forget me? Why must I suffer this vile oppression of my enemies— these heartless tormentors who are out to kill me?” Their wounding words pierce my heart over and over while they say, “Where is this God of yours?” So I say to my soul, “Don’t be discouraged. Don’t be disturbed. For I know my God will break through for me.” Then I’ll have plenty of reasons to praise him all over again. Yes, living before his face is my saving grace!

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T H E G I F T O F L A M E N T // D E C L A R E A N D D E C R E E THE GIFT OF LAMENT When it comes to living after God’s heart, lamenting is just as valid as praise or thanksgiving. It’s a necessary part of the human experience. Lamenting makes our praises truer, and our thanksgiving deeper. It makes our worship pure. It heals us in ways that thanksgiving can’t, in ways that praise can’t — it heals us like only lament can. Jesus expressed lament perfectly over the grave of Lazarus; he beckons us to empathy, to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice. Lamenting is the purest worship. It’s honest and vulnerable, and God seeks worshippers that worship in spirit and in truth. If you’re only praising and thanking and never lamenting, you may not be doing it in spirit and in truth. Because every person comes to lament. It’s the most real of all human experiences and a necessary reality of the world we live in. Anyone who says otherwise hasn’t lived long enough.

DECLARE AND DECREE Faith comes by hearing the Word of God. As a man speaketh, so is he. We create worlds with our words, just like God. We were created in His image. If you curse yourself you will be cursed and if you bless yourself you will be blessed. So also with those around you. Life and death is in the power of the tongue — that’s why the positive affirmation movement is so powerful, even in the secular arena. People have begun to see the power of motivational speaking because declaring and decreeing is an immutable principle of God’s Word. It’s indicative of how we were created. You don’t have to be a Christian for you to declare and decree a thing and have it be powerful. David makes declarations and decrees all through the Psalms… in fact, lament and declaration work in tandem, and are both necessary parts of the human experience. You can’t choose one over the other. It’s a dance. At the end of every lament, David would always put a declaration or decree; whether he believed it or not at the moment, he refused to let his emotions dictate his life’s experience. He chose to believe that God was bigger than his feelings. Abba can’t be changed, manipulated, or coerced. God is God, and we are just mortals. But He is not so disconnected from us. Abba sent His son to be a sympathetic high priest. To feel our feelings. To offer us His emotions as a free gift. He weeps when we weep. He is close to our broken hearts. He is not a God that has never had a broken heart. He is broken with those that are broken. He hasn’t left us orphans either. He can simultaneously weep with us, and still never undermine who he is. He is good. He is powerful. He is all-knowing. Benevolent. Loving. Patient and kind. He is who He is. The truth is still the truth. 54

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“ H E A R T H E VO I C E O F M Y PL E A S F O R M E R C Y, W H E N I C RY TO YO U F O R H E L P…” // P S A L M 28:2

1 ) “Please, Lord! Come quickly and rescue me! Take pleasure in showing me your favor and restore me.” Psalm 40:13 TPT 2 ) Lament: a passionate expression of grief or sorrow. 3 ) This gives us permission to weep, to have pain, and to feel our process. 4 ) The word declare comes from the Hebrew word “achvah” which means to “make known” or “to set forth an accounting”. 5 ) In Hebrew, “decree” means “to divide, separate and destroy.” 6 ) Declare: “announce, proclaim, assert, testify, advertise, make public” 7 ) Decree: “command, ordinance, law, statute, edict”

I’m hurting, Lord — will you forget me forever? How much longer, Lord? Will you look the other way when I’m in need? How much longer must I cling to this constant grief? I’ve endured this shaking of my soul. So how much longer will my enemy have the upper hand? It’s been long enough! Take a good look at me, God, and answer me! Breathe your life into my spirit. Bring light to my eyes in this pitch-black darkness or I will sleep the sleep of death. Don’t let my enemy proclaim, “I’ve prevailed over him.” For all my adversaries will celebrate when I fall. Lord, I have always trusted in your kindness, so answer me. I will yet celebrate with passion and joy when your salvation lifts me up. I will sing my song of joy to you, the Most High, for in all of this you have strengthened my soul. My enemies say that I have no Savior, but I know that I have one in you! Psalm 13 TPT

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journaling, creativity, and expression fulfillment Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but longing fulfilled is a tree of life. I have lost hope in my life, when the church I helped fell apart because of multiple adulteries and hidden sin. When my children were in and out of hospitals all the time for another unexplainable reason, and my youngest child suffered a traumatic brain injury and was diagnosed with autism. When my dad died. When my close family member came down with cancer. When my kid’s teacher was discovered to be abusing my youngest in school. When the doctors’ appointments never seemed to end, and the special education appointments were just the same. When my wife of 17 years left me and my children were heartbroken. When my life was turned upside down and I just wanted to die. When I was let go from a position at work with leaders I loved. When I lost trust in people and my best friends moved away. It was easy to lose hope. In these moments, I would strengthen myself by journaling, by singing, by lifting my hand out the car window driving, by painting, and shouting. Sometimes dancing, even though my heart felt it was sinking. What I was going through wasn’t the end of my story. You see, God gave me ways to help my children. He gave me churches and people that helped me build trust in people again. He healed my children, and gave me the woman of my dreams. God healed a family member of cancer. God surrounded me with a great lifecoach, and other amazing people. God gave me new friends, restored my dreams, opened doors, and gave me an awesome art business, and I was able to walk out of the wilderness with a word written on my heart. With a song on my lips, and a realization that my God was bigger than whatever came to destroy me.

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psalm 45:1 My heart is on fire, boiling over with passion. Bubbling up within me are these beautiful lyrics as a lovely poem to be sung for the King. Like a river bursting its banks, I’m overflowing with words, spilling out into this sacred story. // Psalm 45:1 TPT Beautiful words stir my heart. I will recite a lovely poem about the king, for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet. // Psalm 45:1 NLT My heart bursts its banks, spilling beauty and goodness. I pour it out in a poem to the king, shaping the river into words: // Psalm 45:1 MSG My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer. // Psalm 45:1 KJV My heart overflows with a good theme; I address my psalm to the King. My tongue is like the pen of a skillful writer. // Psalm 45:1 AMP

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J O U R N A L I N G , C R E AT I V I T Y, A N D E X PR E S S I O N JOURNALING In my experience, journaling is about keeping a book of remembrance. Keeping a book of rememberance means those things were written on your heart. Journaling is a way to write upon your heart. It makes it so that you can meet with the Word. It makes something that God says into a meeting place where you can return over and over again. It turns your heart into a cathedral, where God’s presence lives. It’s a strainer to collect the living Word and set aside the things that would distract us from that living Word. It’s a place to underline what God is doing, what He’s breathing on, where the anointing is on the Word. Journaling is not a place to have breathless anxiety and whiteknuckled expressions of our devotion. It’s a place to engage with the Living God who is ever speaking in the moment. It’s like a treasure chest, to hold the jewels that God hands us. It’s a treasury.

CREATIVITY AND EXPRESSION Creativity is partnering with the Creator. It’s a way of making what’s real in God more real in the world and in our own lived experience. It helps us come alongside our original design, because the first way God revealed himself to the world was as Creator. When we choose to create with God, whether it’s a psalm, a prayer, a poem, a dance, a painting, a sculpture, we are literally face to face, hand to hand, heart to heart, in a relational engagement that creates interaction between us and God. In that place of creating, we offer a pallet of colors that He can dip into and use to speak to us, to engage with us, to tell us stories, or describe parts of His heart. To express something like David did when he was dancing undignified is to remove the veil from one reality and bring it into the here-and-now. Just like a dancer who sculpts the air and expresses emotions, so also God expresses Himself and we are invited to return that expression with our emotions, with our hands, with our feet, with color, with words. He’s not a God made of stone or a idol that cannot move or cannot speak… He is a living breathing Being with a heartbeat that expresses the full range of emotions. So also we are invited to be fully human and fully in the image of God.

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T W E N T Y J O U R N A L I N G PR O M P T S

1 ) This week I was most blessed by… 2 ) My favorite passage of Scripture is… 3 ) The area where I need to put more trust in God is… 4 ) One lesson I learned from Scripture this week is…

11 ) I feel most distant from God when… 12 ) My calling in life is… 13 ) My spiritual gifts are… 14 ) What brings me the most joy in life is… 15 ) I’m eager for God to…

5 ) An aspect of God’s character he recently revealed to me is… 6 ) I find I feel God’s presence most when… 7 ) God is leading me to make the following changes… 8 ) An act of obedience God is prompting me to take is… 9 ) My enthusiasm for the gospel is increased when… 10 ) Sometimes I get angry with God about…

16 ) Three ways I want God to transform me are… 17 ) An area of my spiritual life where I need to seek God’s guidance is… 18 ) Journaling has helped my spiritual formation by… 19 ) The most significant area of my life that is not finding its way into my journal is… 20 ) Two ways I can apply the gospel to my life are…

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sing the Word, pray the Word, speak the Word though I walk through the valley Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me

There You are There You are You’re always with me

Daddy’s got my back Daddy’s got my back with all of Heaven’s armies with all of Heaven’s armies

I’m seated in high places I’m seated in high places with my God I can leap over walls

You’re invited to sit at the table come have your fill He paid the bill

// lyrics by Aeron Brown

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psalm 108 My heart, O God, is quiet and confident, all because of you. Now I can sing my song with passionate praises! Awake, O my soul, with the music of his splendor. Arise, my soul, and sing his praises! I will awaken the dawn with my worship, greeting the daybreak with my songs of light. Wherever I go I will thank you. All the nations will hear my praise songs to you. Your love is so extravagant, it reaches higher than the heavens! Your faithfulness is so astonishing, it stretches to the skies! Lord God, be exalted as you soar throughout the heavens. May your shining glory be seen high above all the earth! Come to your beloved ones and gently draw us out. Answer our prayer for your saving help. Come with your might and strength, for we need you, Lord! Then I heard the Lord speak in his holy splendor, and from his sanctuary I heard the Lord promise: “In my triumph I will be the one to measure out the portion of my inheritance to my people, and I will secure the land as I promised you. Shechem, Succoth, Gilead, Manasseh; they are all still mine!” he says. “Judah will continue to produce kings and lawgivers, and Ephraim will produce great warriors. Moab will become my lowly servant. Edom will likewise serve my purposes. I will lift up a shout of victory over the land of Philistia! But who will bring my triumph into Edom’s fortresses?”

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S I N G T H E WO R D, PR AY T H E WO R D, S PE A K T H E WO R D Jesus was so often speaking and praying the Word. When he was tempted by the accuser in the desert, Jesus responded by speaking the Word: “But he answered, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” (Matthew 4:4, cf. Luke 4:4) “And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” (Deuteronomy 8:3) _____ “Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’” (Matthew 4:7; cf. Luke 4:12) “You shall not put the Lord your God to the test, as you tested him at Massah.” (Deuteronomy 6:16) _____ “Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’” (Matthew 4:10, cf. Luke 4:8) “It is the Lord your God you shall fear. Him you shall serve and by his name you shall swear.” (Deuteronomy 6:13) David sang the Word all the time, all through the Psalms. Psalm 103 is and example of him taking Exodus 34 and turning it into a prayer-song. This practice writes lines of code within our confidence, within our being, that keeps us steady through storms, triumphant amongst the battles. When everyone else is swaying, we are unswayed. It builds rebar within our humanity. It helps us to carry the Word in greater faith. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing the Word of God.

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“ T H E WO R D O F G O D I S A L I V E A N D AC T I V E , S H A R PE R T H A N A N Y D O U B L E- E D G E D S WO R D. I T PE N E T R AT E S , E V E N TO D I V I D I N G S O U L A N D S PI R I T, J O I N T S A N D M A R R OW. I T J U D G E S T H E T H O U G H T S A N D AT T I T U D E S O F T H E H E A R T. // H E B R E W S 4:1 2

He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west,

Then the Lord came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the Lord. And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, “The Lord, the Lord, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.” Exodus 34:5-7

so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:7-14

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the Father’s heart belonging Come now, let’s walk together. Take my hand sweet child. I would give you all that I am. I would pour out my heart into your heart. Rivers and waterfalls of grace upon grace. Joy and strength. Peace that passes understanding. I just want to be with you. You are my beloved child. I would raise you into the universe of my beauty and the endless wonder in unbroken fellowship. You will carry my living water to the broken and thirsty, to the hopeless and hurting. You are my precious vessel, and I am your Father. You will only ever be mine. I draw you above these clouds now, to go where no other has gone. I draw you with gentle cords and tender bands of love. A smoldering flame I will not snuff out. A bruised reed I will not break. For I desire you with all my heart and soul. I am your Father, and you are my child.

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psalm 68:3-6 But let all your godly lovers be glad! Yes, let them all rejoice in your presence and be carried away with gladness. Let them laugh and be radiant with joy! Let them sing their celebration-songs for the coming of the cloud rider whose name is Yah! To the fatherless he is a father. To the widow he is a champion friend. To the lonely he makes them part of a family. To the prisoners he leads into prosperity until they sing for joy. This is our Holy God in his Holy Place!

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T H E FAT H E R ’ S H E A R T My Child, You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1 I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2 I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3 Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31 For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27 In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28 For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28 I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5 I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12 You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16 I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26 You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 I knit you together in your mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13 And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6

I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16 And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1 Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1 I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11 For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48 Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17 For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33 My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11 Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3 My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalm 139:17-18 And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17 I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40 For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5 I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41 And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3 If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29 Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4 For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13 91

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I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20 For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17 I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18 As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11 One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4 And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4 I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23 For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26 He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3 He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31 And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19 His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10 I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32 If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23 And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39 92

Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7 I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15 My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13 I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32

Love, Your Dad. Almighty God

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T H E S PI R I T R E V E A L S TO U S N OT O N LY T H AT G O D I S “A B B A , FAT H E R ” B U T A L S O T H AT W E B E LO N G TO G O D A S H I S B E LOV E D C H I L D R E N . // H E N R I N O U W E N

The Father’s heart is what made David a king. It’s what made him a warrior. It’s what made him a priest and a prophet. It’s even what made him a father. Even though he wasn’t perfect in all those things, he was all of those things because he had a Father. How else would a neglected son on the back hills of nowhere be able to mark history and become the forefather that ushered in the first coming of the Messiah? Jesus wasn’t named the son of Abraham. Jesus wasn’t named the son of Jacob, or the son of Daniel. He was only ever known as the son of David, and the son of God. God who is the Father.

“Behold, the days are coming,” says the LORD, “That I will raise to David a Branch of righteousness; a King shall reign and prosper, and execute judgement and righteousness in the earth.” // Jeremiah 23:5

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the lifestyle of David a call to creatives and contemplatives in this hour Misunderstood misfits Melancholy feelers Merciful, tender, abstract souls The ones who feel deeply And love fiercely They long for peace and connection Yet their very presence troubles those Who live in a land of practical plans And linear lines They think with their hearts And not their heads They walk a path of ever unfolding awe Few believe exists These are the ones who see what can’t be seen And hear what can’t be heard They’re able to reach out and touch… Eternity Whispers of wonder continually draw them Deeper into the unknown The intangible and the unexplainable Are so very familiar and real But what seems concrete to others Remains an enigma And oh so difficult to grasp More at home in ethereal realms Than in a world made of clay Prayer is easy Life is hard But eternal life is fluid, real And delightfully glorious His presence is their bread Their water The very air they breathe Communion with Him The one thing they desire The one thing they seek The one thing they crave Far above life itself The poets and the minstrels The artists and the creators The contemplatives The ones who were born to simply be The ones who were born to simply be with Him Mary of Bethany John the Beloved David the dancing King Me? Maybe you?

This world is not your home You’ve always known it What others strive after Has little appeal But hear this – Know this – You are wanted You are needed You fit Just as you are You were divinely created And divinely placed Right here, right now For such a time as this Your presence shifts atmospheres Your sensitivity reveals The sweetness of His presence And the beauty of His peace Arise and shine beloved ones For your light has come Your time has come Come into the light hidden ones Forgotten ones Misunderstood mystics Contemplative creatives It’s time to burn It’s time to shine Ever more brightly For the glory of our King John the Beloved David the dancing King Me? Maybe you? This world is not your home You’ve always known it What others strive after Has little appeal But hear this – Know this – You are wanted You are needed You fit Just as you are You were divinely created And divinely placed Right here, right now For such a time as this Your presence shifts atmospheres Your sensitivity reveals The sweetness of His presence And the beauty of His peace

Arise and shine beloved ones For your light has come Your time has come Come into the light hidden ones Forgotten ones Misunderstood mystics Contemplative creatives It’s time to burn It’s time to shine Ever more brightly For the glory of our King

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psalm 1 What delight comes to the one who follows God’s ways! He won’t walk in step with the wicked, nor share the sinner’s way, nor be found sitting in the scorner’s seat. His pleasure and passion is remaining true to the Word of “I Am,” meditating day and night in the true revelation of light. He will be standing firm like a flourishing tree planted by God’s design, deeply rooted by the brooks of bliss, bearing fruit in every season of his life. He is never dry, never fainting, ever blessed, ever prosperous. But how different are the wicked. All they are is dust in the wind— driven away to destruction! The wicked will not endure the day of judgment, for God will not defend them. Nothing they do will succeed or endure for long, for they have no part with those who walk in truth. But how different it is for the righteous! The Lord embraces their paths as they move forward while the way of the wicked leads only to doom.

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T H E L I F E S T Y L E O F DAV I D The father’s heart is what made David a king. It’s what made him a warrior. It’s what made him a priest and a prophet. It’s even what made him a father. Even though he wasn’t perfect in all those things, he was all of those things because he had a Father. How else would a neglected son on the back hills of nowhere be able to mark history and become the forefather that ushered in the first coming of the Messiah? Jesus wasn’t named the son of Abraham. Jesus wasn’t named the son of Jacob, or the son of Daniel. He was only ever known as the son of David, and the son of God. God who is the Father. “Behold, the days are coming,” says the LORD, “That I will raise to David a Branch of righteousness; a King shall reign and prosper, and execute judgement and righteousness in the earth.” // Jeremiah 23:5

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I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. Psalm 18:1-2 Fill my heart with joy when their grain and new wine abound. Psalm 4:7

“David didn’t kill Goliath because he set out to slay giants. He set out to give sandwiches to his brothers, and Goliath got in the way.” // Rich Mullins

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Psalm 23:6

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There’s a harp in my heart, And only you can play it There’s a song in my broken soul, And only you can sing it You’re so unpredictable, God, Just like the rhythm, the rhythm of weeping And my life is so upside down But you keep on coming, coming around You keep on loving, I still let you down There’s a harp in my heart, And only you can play it There’s a song in my broken soul, And only you can sing it I hear those curfew bells are ringing, But I just can’t stop my singing I’ve got to tell just one more person, Never give up, keep on dreaming Quieter than rain, He knows all your pain

There’s a cry I have had That I could love my brother And not look at that race, That religion or That color You love those Presbyterians, God You love the gays and the lesbians You love the Buddists and the prostitutes You’re not like us, we always change You see through our sin, and You love us anyway Oh, I wish you would put those words in my mouth, God To tell the world what you’re realy like Not some dead God who lives in some building But a Father of kindness, a son of forgiveness, A Spirit who helps me Yeah that who you are

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