AWAY FROM THE NOISE
LYNKS LYNKS’ CRISIS NOODLE
(SERVES 1)... Job application rejected? Boyfriend’s cheated on you with your cousin? Crushed by the weight of living a meaningless existence at the dawn of the sixth mass extinction? Damn. That’s tough. But don’t fret! Because even when the world around you spirals into chaos and existential panic, there’s one thing that’s always gonna have your back. No, it’s not your family and friends: it’s Lynks’ patented Crisis Noodles! This bowl of salty, carby, umami goodness is guaranteed to freeze any meltdown and turn your crisis into a light emotional wobble. You will need: Instant ramen noodles Peanut butter Laoganma chilli bean oil Spring onion + sesame seeds Words and photography by Lynks
(optional, depending on how together your life is right now) 01 Boil a kettle, letting the screams of the steam escaping the lid drown out the screaming voices in your own head. 02 (Optional) Repeatedly punch the noodle packet. This will break up the noodles and make them easier to combine with the sauce, but more importantly it will healthily release some of that repressed rage building up inside of you. 03 Open the packet of noodles, locate the seasoning sachets and place aside.
07 While the noodles are cooking, combine the contents of the noodle favouring sachets with 1tbsp peanut butter and 1tbsp Laoganma chilli bean oil in a serving bowl. 08 Punch a wall. 09 Using the other hand, drain the noodles and add them to the bowl. Stir well to combine. 10 (Optional) Finely dice one or two spring onions. If you’re crying, you can blame this on the onions. Scatter these, plus a tsp of toasted sesame seeds on top of the noodles.
04 Take a moment to reflect on how well you’re doing so far! Maybe you aren’t such a worthless sack of shit after all?
11 Take a beautiful picture of the bowl and post it to Instagram to show your friends how you are doing great, your life is together and everything’s fine.
05 Boil the noodles according to packet instructions.
Lie in bed and devour (cutlery optional).
06 Resist the urge to cry.
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