Friends and Family by Maureen Kambarami

A decade ago, I moved to a new parish with my family. I did not know a single soul but trusted God to make new friends. On our very first Sunday in that church, we arrived early and chose seats right at the back where we could observe everyone without being the center of attention. However, as the seats gradually filled in, we started getting a few stares in our direction. Some stares lingered longer than the expected polite gaze, as if trying to communicate something, but I just could not figure out what was happening. I then concluded that this was the most unwelcoming parish I had ever encountered.

Shortly before the service began, the unexpected drama started; a three-generational family waltzed in. Even though there were still a few vacant spaces available, they came straight to the bench where we sat, and the elderly woman gruffly asked us to move over. I complied, thinking they would divide themselves and let the others sit at another bench, but I was mistaken because they had no intention of splitting up. They shoved and pushed until my family and I were squashed into a corner, practically sitting on top of each other. My ego would not let me move to another bench, but the way I was treated made me realize that I did not belong, and I felt like a foreigner in the house of the Lord.

After the service, I hurriedly grabbed my bag and dashed for the door, vowing to never set foot in that church again. But before I could escape, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. Steeling myself, I turned around, ready for a verbal war only for my eyes to encounter the most endearing of smiles. An older lady introduced herself and apologized for the incident she had witnessed earlier. She further informed me that no one occupied that bench because the family had silently marked it as their own and to avoid conflict, people chose to just let them be. She explained this was a small parish where long-standing members often occupied the same bench every Sunday and did not take kindly to strangers displacing them. We chatted a little more and by the end of the conversation, my defenses had melted and I decided to give the parish a second chance and not let one incident spoil my stay. Besides, if Jesus himself had been made to feel unwelcome repeatedly, who was I to expect royal treatment?

During the weeks and months that followed, the lady whom I had met after the service, became my second mother and spiritual advisor. Under her guidance and protection, I blossomed and made great friends in the church, friends who later became my second family. It is these friends that have been my stronghold in these current trying times. Everyone needs good friends on life’s journey, to share the good and bad times. Friends educate, advise, caution, and encourage us. Most of the time, friends are a springboard on which

you can test the effectiveness of solutions in a non-judgemental environment before revealing them to the real world. Therefore, good friends are a real investment in one’s life. Jesus had Peter, James, and John in his inner circle and Naomi had Ruth as her best friend. All these friendships developed into something beautiful and stronger—family.

If there is one thing that the current pandemic has taught me, it is the importance of family. Family refers not only to blood relations but in most cases encompasses our close friends as well. Our world is currently marked by frequent lockdown operations in a bid to curb the spread of the coronavirus. Because of the resultant debilitating impact on traveling, many of us who have families that live far away realize that our friends have replaced our families in a way. This is because our friends live in the vicinity and can check up on us without flaunting the stipulated regulations. Even though our actual families have maintained contact with us virtually, in times of emergencies, it has been friends who have come to our aid.

An undeniable life lesson that I have embraced from the pandemic is the uncertainty of life. Life is indeed too short to bear grudges, especially against family members, for one never knows how much time we have been allocated on earth. I recently lost two family members and I still lament on what we left unsaid, for I thought we still had unlimited time together. It is this regret that has gnawed at my conscience mercilessly until now. I have since vowed to never “let the sun go down on my anger,” (Ephesians 4:26, ESV) for I do not know what tomorrow holds and I am trying my utmost best to live the gospel of love.

Let us spread the message of love and reach out to others, especially to strangers, non-natives, and the marginalized groups in our society. During these uncertain times, many people are suffering silently as we all battle to keep our heads above the water. A message of love will go a long way in instilling hope. It is through hope that our world will become whole again–hope that things will change for the better, hope that we will pull through these trying times unscathed, and hope that one day we will return to a normal existence. Until that happens, let us treasure our friends and family because, without them, we are lost in this journey called life.

Maureen Cresencia Kambarami is a Social Worker with extensive experience in family counseling and therapy. A woman after God’s word and principles, she is passionate about writing Christian articles and believes in telling authentic stories to inspire and uplift others.