CRAM
m agaz ine
1 Con te n ts
2 Con trib u tors
3 Aprico t Cre a m Scone s , N icol e H am ak e r 4 Fe a rl e s s , J a s on R . W a l l a ce 7 Th e 5 Sm a l l e s t Cou n trie s in th e W orl d, Al e x Sa n tos o 12 B l a ck D e a th : H orrid Cu rs e or D ig u is e d B l e s s ing ? , N icol a Co o k 15 A D riving Force , Sk o t K u rru k 17 Th e B u ria l : A Ch il d's H a ppy Pl a ce , N icol a Co o k 19 Ch e ne y Sh o o ts You in th e Fa ce , Sk o t K u rru k 20 Th e Il l u s ion o f Tim e , R ob B rya n ton 24 G e tting Fit w ith Aris to tl e , W il l ia m M e re dith 26 A cid Z e n W onde r Pa in t, Ste ph e n H e in tz
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s s ue TH REE Fe bruary 2007
w w w .CR AM - m a g .com
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Al lpicture s and articl e s re tain copyrigh tto th e ir re s pe ctive auth ors . None ofth e conte ntin th is is s ue m ay be us e d w ith oute xpre s s w ritte n cons e nt.
CO NTR IBUTO R S R O B BR Y ANTO N
R ob m ade h is firs t re cord at tw e lve , and w as h os t of a re gional CBC-TV m us ic s e rie s at tw e nty. H e is th e Pre s ide nt of Talking D og Studios in R e gina, Sas k atch e w an, Canada, an auth orize d D ol by 5.1 m ix facil ity w h ich s pe cial ize s in m us ic and s ound for fil m and te levis ion. R e ce nt proje cts to w h ich R ob h as contribute d h is talents as a com pos e r and s ound m ixe r include th e h uge ly popular CTV s e rie s "Corne r Gas ", w h ich w ill be gin broadcas t in th e US th is com ing fall. H is s tudio is al s o re s pons ible for th e audio on th e popular (but controve rs ial) CBC-TV com e dy s e rie s "Little M os q ue O n th e Prairie ". W h il e R ob h as h ad poe m s and s ong lyrics publ is h e d in s e ve ralanth ologie s , "Im agining th e Te nth D im e ns ion" is h is firs t book . R ob l ive s in R e gina ("th e city th at rh ym e s w ith fun") w ith h is w ife Gailand th e ir dog Buddy. Th e y h ave tw o s ons , Todd and M ark .
NICO LA CO O K Nicola s pe nds m os t of h e r fre e tim e re ading, w atch ing m ovie s , playing piano, and, of cours e , w riting w h ate ve r th ough ts cre e p into h e r h e ad. Sh e ’ s addicte d to m us ic in its m any form s and s tyles and is us ual ly m ainl ining h e r iPod, Jacq ue s . Intrigue d by h is tory and th e dark e r s ide of life , Nicol a can ofte n be found w ande ring around an art m us e um (us ual ly in th e m e die vals e ction), or s trolling th rough a ce m e te ry (m e e ting ne w pe ople). Sh e e arne d a B.S. in Com m unication for M agazine Journalis m from Bos ton Unive rs ity and curre ntl y l ive s in th e s uburbs of Ph ilade lph ia. To re ad m ore of Nicol a’ s w ork , vis it w w w .w riting.com /auth ors /nicol a. Y ou can contact h e r at nicola.c@ com cas t.ne t.
SK O T K UR R UK Sk ot is an e m bitte re d crank curre ntly e k ing out an unre m ark able e xis te nce in Se attl e , W as h ington. A form e r actor, Sk ot h as s ince re tire d from th e s tage afte r dis cove ring a s trong de s ire for th e ce s s ation of dis cove ry and s e lf-im prove m e nt; th is urge is m os t s atis fie d by ce as e les s vie w ing of 'CSI: M iam i.' Sk ot w ould lik e to give h is th ank s to Ste ph e n Sw ift for h is im m ortal collection of anim ate d M orris s e y gifs at de s tructo.org/de tritus /anim /m orris s e y; th e y provide d m ore ins piration th an is s trictly h e alth y. For m ore of Sk ot's ill-cons ide re d, ram bling je re m iads , pleas e vis it h is s ite at w w w .izzlepfaff.com . H e k now s th e UR L is re ally dum b, and h as only h im s e lf to blam e .
NICO LE H
AM AK ER
Nicole is a fre e lance food w rite r/ph otograph e r curre ntly living in Sicily. H e r blog, Pinch M y Salt, re ce ntly w on an aw ard for Be s t Ne w Food Blog of 2006. Sh e s pe nds m os t of h e r tim e de ve loping ne w re cipe s , dancing around h e r k itch e n, and ph otograph ing food. Sh e w atch e s good m ovie s w h e n s h e can and l is te ns to m us ic allday long. Nicole look s fondly back on s e ve ral ye ars s pe nt in Euge ne , O re gon w h e re s h e s tudie d Norw e gian, took clas s e s s uch as Folklore of th e Supe rnatural and Scandinavian Film , and e ve ntually e arne d a BA in Englis h . Sh e doe s n’ t k now m uch about lite rature , doe s n’ t s pe ak m uch Norw e gian and alth ough s h e h as live d in Sicily for th e pas t th re e ye ars , s h e s pe ak s an e m barras s ingly s m allam ountof Italian. Nicole’ s w riting, re cipe s , and ph otograph y can be found at pinch m ys alt.com and s h e can be contacte d at pinch m ys alt@ gm ail.com .
STEPH EN H
EINTZ
Ste ph e n is th e cre ator of AZ W P.ne t, a w e bs ite th at is , in m any profe s s ional opinions , te rribl e . W h e n h e is n't draw ing s tick figure s , h e s pe nds h is tim e be ing m arrie d and w ork ing ata job.
A LEX SANTO SO Alex is th e founde r and e ditor of Ne atoram a.com , a w e bs ite de dicate d to finding th e ne ate s t th ings on th e Inte rne t. H e is a s cie ntis t (h e h as a doctorate in Bioch e m is try and M ol e cular Biology from Unive rs ity of California at San Francis co), a prol ific blogge r and a s m allbus ine s s ow ne r in re allife .
JASO N R . W ALLACE A ne w s tyle of pros is t and poe t, Jas on is n't afraid to argue w ith th e pas t. H e h ate s th e s tyl e of H e m ingw ay, th ink s Faulkne r's nove ls are dis s atis fying and borde rline ins ane and calls th e Im agis t poe ts lazy. Is anyth ing s acre d to h im ?In th e ve in of W illiam Carl os W il liam s : So m uch de pe nds upon th e poe t's clarity and h one s ty m os tof all; notth e re ade r's gue s s w ork .
· 2 C. Al l -purpos e fl our · 1 1/2 t. Bak ing pow de r · 1/2 t. Sal t · 1/4 C. Sugar · 6 T. Col d uns al te d butte r, cut into s m al lpie ce s · 1/2 C. Ch oppe d drie d apricots · 1 Egg, be ate n · 1/2 C. H e avy cre am · 1/2 t. Vanil l a e xtract · H e avy cre am for brus h ing (optional ) · Coars e ground s ugar (optional )
ve ry fe w th at are food-re late d. O f th e food I m os tly re m e m be r bre ak fas ts of e xtre m e ly s our orange juice and rolls h ard e nough to bre ak a tooth . I th ink w e s pe nt m ore tim e th row ing th e rolls at e ach oth e r th an actually trying to e at th e m (w e w e re only 14, re m e m be r). I re m e m be r fas t food lunch e s and w arm s odas s e rve d w ith out ice . But th e re is one
coffe e s h op and you’ re s ure to find an inte re s ting s e lection. But m y favorite place to e at s cone s (oth e r th an in m y ow n k itch e n), is th e Cup and Sauce r Cafe in Portland, O re gon. It’ s be e n ye ars s ince I’ ve live d in Portland but I s tillcrave th e bre ak fas ts s e rve d in th at cram pe d little cafe w ith th e m is m atch e d tables and ch airs and th e line of pe ople out th e door.
w e re bad, th e s e apricot cre am s cone s w e re by far m y favorite ! Th e firs t tim e I ate a s cone w as in London. I w as 14 ye ars old and m y h igh s ch oolEngl is h te ach e r h ad organize d a trip to England for s tude nts . I w as luck y e nough to h ave a grandm oth e r w h o fe lt th at it w as an e xpe rie nce I s h ouldn’ t m is s ! I h ave m any fond m e m orie s of th at trip but
food m e m ory th at s tands out. I orde re d a s cone from a s tre e t ve ndor and I don’ t k now w h e th e r it w as th e tas te of th e s cone or th e inch -th ick laye r of butte r s q ue e ze d be tw e e n th e tw o pie ce s , but it w as love atfirs tbite ! Scone s h ave de finite ly be e n gaining in popularity in th e s tate s ove r th e las t s e ve ral ye ars . Jus t pop into any corne r
Th e y s e rve fre s h -bak e d s cone s al ong w ith m any of th e ir bre ak fas ts and e ach table com e s w ith a s q ue e ze bottl e filled w ith ras pbe rry jam . It’ s h e ave n. W e ll h e re ’ s th e re cipe for m y ow n Apricot Cre am Scone s . M ak e s ure to h ave plenty of s ofte ne d butte r on h and be caus e it’ s alm os t a crim e to e at a s cone w ith outit!
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NICO LE H AM AK ER PINCH M Y SALT.CO M
PH O TO NICO LE H AM AK ER
W h ile s taying w ith m y aunt and uncle, I m ade s e ve ralbatch e s of s cone s in a q ue s t to cre ate a ne w re cipe . Th e firs t batch w e re w onde rfuland butte ry, but alm os t m ore lik e s h ortbre ad th an a s cone . Th e y q uick ly dis appe are d al ong w ith th e h om e m ade m e ye r lem on curd. Am ong oth e rs I trie d w e re l e m on butte rm ilk, lem on currant, and Apricot Cre am . Alth ough none of th e m
Pre h e atove n to 425 de gre e s . 1. In a m e dium bow l , w h is k toge th e r th e fl our, bak ing pow de r, s al tand s ugar. 2. In a s e parate s m al lbow l , w h is k toge th e r th e e gg, cre am and vanil l a;s e t as ide . 3. Rub butte r m ixture into th e fl our m ixture w ith your finge rs (or us e a pas try bl e nde r) untilitre s e m bl e s coars e crum bs . Stir in th e apricotpie ce s . 4. Add th e cre am m ixture to th e fl our m ixture al latonce and s tir until m ois te ne d (Th e m ixture s h oul d h ol d toge th e r w h e n pinch e d). 5. Dum p th e m ixture outonto th e counte r, gath e r al lth e pie ce s toge th e r w ith your h ands and pre s s e ve ryth ing toge th e r to form a rough bal l . Patitinto a circl e , about3/4 inch th ick . 6. Cutth e circl e l ik e a pie into 8 pie ce s and pl ace pie ce s onto a parch m e ntl ine d bak ing s h e e t. 7. Brus h s cone s w ith a l ittl e cre am and s prink l e w ith coars e s ugar (optional ) 8. Bak e in ove n for 15 m inute s or untilgol de n brow n.
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Apricot Cre am Scone s
h allw ays long e nough , s e e anoth e r young boy, m atte d, gre as y h air in h is face , w rith ing and ye l ling for h is pare nts as h e ’ s dragge d aw ay by blank -face d m e n in com batboots long e nough , and you be com e num b to itall,l ittle by little. Eve ntually, you w on’ t bat an e ye at th e inh um an w orl d around you, not e ve n at th e tiny, bloody h alf-m oons dug de e p into th e ce llw alls, th os e re m ains of a de s pe rate , fe ve ris h , and futile atte m ptatfre e dom . Th is is w h atI s e e . Th is is w h atI do. I s e nd young boys to h e ll– and I m ak e th e m learn to live th e re .
PH O TO W AX115 /M O RGUEFILE
earless
Y ou com e into w ork long e nough , w ande r th e s e h ype r-w h ite , s te rilize d
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JASO N R . W ALLACE
A ne w s ubje ctcam e in today. Couldn’ th ave be e n m ore th an s e ve n or e igh tye ars old. Ch e rubic little lad, w ith blonde lock s and oce an e ye s . Com e to th ink of it, th e y alllook th atw ay. So pe rfe ct. So pure . So untouch abl e. So I th ough t. Butth e n I h ave to give h im th e s h ot. I drive th e ne e dle into h is arm . It’ s autom atic. I don’ te ve n h ave to th ink aboutit, I’ ve done its o m uch . For a w h ile h e ’ s allrigh t. A little s urpris e d, a little ne rvous , butallrigh t. Th e n th e pupils s tartw ide ning. Th e h ands s tarttre m bling. Th e bre ath ing ge ts fas te r and fas te r. H e s cram bles back w ard, fe e l ing blindly be h ind h im , k nock s up agains t th e w all, s lide s h im s e lf into a corne r, and jus ts cre am s th e w h ole tim e . Scre am s and s cre am s untilh is face is th e s h ade of carm ine and h is voice q uave rs , s truggling to re leas e e ve ry little bitof unbe arable panic. I don’ tk now w h ath e s e e s . It’ s diffe re ntfor e ve ry one of th e m . M igh tbe s pide rs . D e m ons . Fire . D ark ne s s . Could be anyth ing. W h ate ve r it is , h e ’ llbe s e e ing it e ve ryw h e re , in e ve ry part and parce lof h is re ality, for th e ne xt10 ye ars .
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f
Y
ou ge tus e d to th e s cre am s afte r a w h ile.
bore dom of pe ace . It m ay be a gam e , but it’ s one w ith h igh s tak e s , s o w e’ ve learne d to rig th e re s ults . W e’ ve learne d h ow to m ak e our s ol die rs fe arles s . Not to h ave fe ar and s uppre s s it, not to ignore fe ar, butto actually be w ith outfe ar. W e pum p th e m ful lof drugs , tw is t and w arp th e ir young m inds lik e th e y w e re noth ing but putty, and confine th e m in foul, fe brile, and fors ak e n ce l ls jus t s o th e y w on’ t run from a bayone t or a s ubm ach ine gun. Th e re ’ s a drafts ys te m , of cours e . W h o w ould vol unte e r for th is ? W h o w oul d volunte e r to be put in a pe rm ane nt s tate of te rror for m ore th an a de cade , jus t to be com e cannon fodde r? Th at’ s w h y w e tak e th e m by force . W h e n th e y’ re s l e e ping. W h e n th e y’ re at th e ir m os t be autiful… and m os t vulne rable.
*** I s pok e w ith th at guard Sim ps on in th e dining are a. H e h ad jus t finis h e d h is s h ift in R e s e arch & D e ve lopm e nt. Said th e y w e re clos e to finalizing a ne w s e rum . O ne th at w oul dn’ t w e ar off. O ne th at w ould s e lf-re plicate in th e bloods tre am . O ne th atw ould las tfore ve r. I w as n’ t s urpris e d. R & D h ad be e n w ork ing on th ats ince th e program ’ s ince ption. Afte r all, it w as th e ultim ate goalof th e w h ole ope ration. Pe rm ane ntconditioning agains tfe ar. “It’ s am azing. D o you k now h ow fas t w e ’ ll fillour q uotas now ?” I nodde d abs e nt-m inde dl y. I w as s tillth ink ing aboutth atch e rub from th e oth e r day. I w as th ink ing th at m aybe it w as n’ t jus t th e ch ildre n w h o w e re be ing turne d into m ons te rs . “Th om ps on?Th om ps on.” “O h … ye ah ...re alfas t.” “Fas te r th an fas t. W e ’ llh ave th os e boys re ady in a m atte r of days .” “W h e n did you s ay R & D w as going to finis h th ats e rum ?”
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Th e Ch ance llor s ays w e ’ re notm ak ing our q uota. H e s ays th e ne xt invas ion is in a m onth and H igh Com m and w ants m ore s oldie rs . I don’ ts e e w h ath e ’ s w orrie d about. W e’ ve ne ve r los ta w ar. Eve r. O nce th e rivalbattalions com e m arch ing up and s tart s h ooting, once th e y re alize th at, e ve n th rough th e h ailof bullets , our m e n h ave n’ t brok e n form ation or s o m uch as blink e d out of s ync, once our m e n are on top of th e m and s l augh te r th e m allw ith out m e rcy, a s adis tic gleam in th e ir e ye s , th e oth e r nation back s dow n, be caus e h ow can you figh tpure m adne s s ? O f cours e , our nation doe s n’ t w ar for jus tice or s tability or anyth ing noble. It’ s m ore of a s port to us , a triviall ittle gam e w e play to flaunt our al ph a-m ale e gos and to re lie ve th e
PH O TO W ISEACRE PH O TO /FLICK R
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* Th e Ch ance llor cam e by to ins pe ctth e pre m is e s . H e s trode th e h alls w ith vigor, lik e h e w as proud of th e w h ole th ing. H e look e d in at th e ch ildre n th rough th e s m all glas s w indow s s e t in th e doors , nodding w ith approval,occas ionally e ve n ch uck l ing. As h e turne d aw ay from th e las tdoor, h e s aw m e . Saw m y s e curity pas s , rath e r. O r m aybe th e h ypode rm ic I w as clutch ing, re ady for anoth e r young boy. H e probably cam e ove r to s h ak e m y h and, to congratulate m e on s uch s ucce s s fulw ork , but I’ ll ne ve r k now , be caus e I s tabbe d h im in th e ne ck be fore h e could do anyth ing. I jam m e d th e ne e dle in as de e p as I could and pre s s e d th e plunge r. H e s tagge re d back , h is pupils w ide ning, h is h ands tre m bling, h is bre ath ing ge tting fas te r and fas te r. H e w as jus tas h e lples s as th atlittle ch e rub. H e collaps e d onto th e floor in a s w e ating, s h ive ring h e ap and s tarte d s cre am ing. Scre am ing and s cre am ing untilI w as s ure h e w as s taring into th e e ye s of e ve ry ch ild th e program ruine d. Th e guards cam e rus h ing in and w re s tled m e to th e ground, butI didn’ tcare . Th is is w h atI h ad to do. I h ad to s e nd th e Ch ance llor to h e ll . H e’ llh ave to learn to live th e re , be caus e th is tim e th e re ’ s no going back . H e’ llbe in a cons tant s tate of te rror, and h e w on’ t be able to re s is t, be caus e h ow can you figh t pure m adne s s ? Th is is th e cos tof be ing fe arles s . Y ou los e your s oul.
PH O TO M ANDO LUX /FLICK R
H ave you e ve r jus tlook e d atit? Look e d ata ne e dle? It’ s e legant. Grace ful . Th e inje ction its e lf is a be autifulth ing. A s ligh th ove ring ove r th e fles h . A s te ady pre s s ure on th e s k in. It buil ds and buil ds , ge tting e ve r s tronge r until th e s urface s uccum bs and th e s lee k s te e l pillar s lide s into th e s ubje ct w ith an e cs tas y of m otion th atis unrivaled. Fe w pe ople appre ciate an inje ction for w h atitis . A w ork of art.
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PH O TO FDECO M ITE /FLICK R
T
h e 5 Sm al l e st Countrie s in th e Worl d
A LEX SANTO SO NEATO R AM A .CO M
SAN M AR INO Size : 24 s q . m i. (61 k m ²) Population: 28,117 (2005 e s tim ate ) Location: North -ce ntral Ital y ne ar th e Adriatic coas t. W ith th e form al nam e of Th e M os t Se re ne R e publ ic of San M arino, it’ s not s urpris ing th at San M arino h as got lots of ch arm s . Founde d in AD 301 by a Ch ris tian s tone cutte r nam e d (w h at e lse ) M arino (or M arinus , de pe nding on w h o you as k ), w h o along w ith a s m allgroup of Ch ris tians , w as
s e e k ing e s cape from re l igious pe rs e cution, San M arino is th e w orld’ s olde s tre public. Its h is tory be lie s its s im ple m otto: "Libe rty." Inde e d, San M arino w as s uch a good ne igh bor th at it w as h ardly e ve r conq ue re d by large r e ne m ie s (it w as brie fly conq ue re d in th e 1500s and th e 1700s , for lik e a m onth e ach ). Eve n w h e n Napoleon gobbled m os t of Europe , h e left San M arino alone , s aying itw as a m ode lre public! San M arino tak e s its gove rnm e nt s e rious ly: for s uch a tiny country, San M arino h as a ve ry com plex gove rnm e nt s tructure , bas e d on a cons titution w ritte n in
1600. Th e country is ruled by an e l e cte d Council of 60, w h o appoints 2 captain re ge nts (from oppos ing politicalpartie s , no les s ) to adm inis te r gove rnm e ntal affairs for s ix-m onth te rm . Tal k about pre s e rving libe rtie s th rough divis ion of auth ority! Be fore W orld W ar II, San M arino w as am ongs t th e poore s t countrie s in Europe . Today, w ith m ore th an 3 m il lion touris ts vis iting e ve ry ye ar (h alf of San M arino’ s incom e is de rive d from touris m ), th e pe ople of San M arino are am ongs t th e w orld’ s rich e s tpe ople.
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Tuvalu is bas ically a ch ain of low -l ying coral is lands , w ith its h igh e s t e levation be ing 16 fe e t or 5 m e te rs above s e all e ve l. W ith totalland are a of jus t 9 s q uare m il e s , Tuval u is not onl ya te e ny tiny is land in th e Pacific O ce an, it m ay not e ve n e xis t in th e ne xt 50 ye ars if s e a leve l continue to ris e (a controve rs ial claim , none th e les s th e re w e re e vacuation plans to Ne w Z e al and and oth e r Pacific Is l ands ). Eve n if th e s e a leve ldoe s not ris e , oth e r problem s s uch as
PH O TO M RLINS /FLICK R
Size : 9 s q . m i. (26 k m ²) Popul ation: 10,441 (2005 e s tim ate ) Location: South Pacific
population grow th and coas tale ros ion s tillm ak e Tuvalu a ve ry vulne rable country. D uring W orld W ar II, th ous ands of Am e rican troops w e re s tatione d on th e is lands of Tuvalu and th e is land be cam e an Allie d bas e . Airfie lds w e re q uick ly cons tructe d and afte r th e w ar, abandone d. In fact, today rus ting w re ck s can be found on th e is lands , a cons tant re m inde r of its role in th e W ar. Today, Tuvalu also de rive s incom e from re nting out its Inte rne t country code top-leve l dom ain .tv, as it is th e abbre viation of th e w ord ‘ te levis ion’ . Th is s ch e m e got off to a rock y s tart (th e originalcom pany w h o trie d to do it failed to rais e th e ne ce s s ary funds ), but finally prove d to be th e large s ts ource of incom e for th e country.
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TUVALU
Size : 8 s q . m i (21 k m ²) Popul ation: 13,005 (2005 e s tim ate ) Location: W e s te rn Pacific O ce an
gros s incom pe te nce by th e gove rnm e nt (form e r pre s ide nts us e d to com m ande e r Air Nauru’ s plane s for h olidays , leaving paying cus tom e rs s trande d on th e tarm ac!) didn’ th e lp e ith e r. As if th at’ s not bad e nough , Nauru is also be s e t by obe s ity
be both a boon and a bane for Nauruans — for a l ong tim e , its re s ide nts e njoye d a re lative l y h igh leve l of incom e as th e country e xporte d its ph os ph ate lik e th e re ’ s no tom orrow . Th e gove rnm e nt e m ploye d 9 5% of Nauruans , and lavis h e d fre e m e dicalcare and s ch ooling for its citize ns . M os t didn’ t tak e advantage of th is offe r: only one th ird of ch ildre n w e nt on to s e condary s ch ool. Th e adults didn’ t re ally w ork , e ith e r - office h ours w e re flexible and th e m os t popular pas tim e w as drink ing be e r and driving th e 20-m inute circuit around th e is land. For a w h ile, Nauru w as a paradis e — for a brie f m om e nt in 19 70s , Nauruans w e re e ve n am ongs t th e rich e s t pe ople on th e plane t. Noth ing las ts fore ve r and s ure e nough , Nauru’ s ph os ph ate re s e rve s s oon drie d up and left
problem . D e cade s of leis ure ly life s tyle and h igh cons um ption of alcoh oland fatty foods h ave left as m any as 9 out of 10 pe ople ove rw e igh t! Nauru also h as th e w orld’ s h igh e s t leve l of Type 2 diabe te s — ove r 40% of its population is affe cte d. So now , Nauruans are pove rtys trick e n and fat — but th e y are trying to turn th ings around. W ith no natural re s ource left, in th e 19 9 0s , Nauru de cide d to be com e a tax h ave n and offe re d pas s ports to fore ign nationals for a fe e . Th is attracte d th e w rong k ind of m one y (but a lot of it): th e R us s ian m afia funne led ove r $70 billion to th e tiny is land nation. Th ings got s o bad th at m os t big bank s re fus e d to h andle trans actions involving Nauru be caus e of m one y launde ring problem s . Th is led Nauru to anoth e r e xtraordinary m one y-m ak ing
9 0% of th e is land as a barre n, jagge d m ining w as te land. W as te ful inve s tm e nts (lik e buying h ote ls
s ch e m e : it be cam e a de te ntion cam p for pe ople applying for as ylum to Aus tralia!
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NAUR U
only to leave th e m to rot) and
PH O TO SPACE IM AGING
Nauru is th e w orld’ s s m alles t is land nation, th e s m alles t inde pe nde nt re public, and th e only re public in th e w orld w ith out an officialcapital. Nauru only h as one s ignificant s ource of incom e : ph os ph ate s from th ous ands of ye ars ’ w orth of guano or bird droppings . Th is prove d to
h ow e ve r, also s tipulate d th at M onaco w ould l os e its
w illre m ain inde pe nde nte ve n w ith outa m ale h e ir).
inde pe nde nce (and be com e Fre nch ) s h ould th e re igning Grim aldi prince die w ith out leaving a m ale h e ir! W h e n Prince R ainie r III took ove r, h e w as a bach e lor and m os t M one gas q ue s (th at m e ans pe opl e of M onaco) w e re gloom y about th e country’ s future . H ow e ve r, h e e nde d up m arrying H ollyw ood actre s s Grace K e lly — th e m arriage not only produce d a m ale h e ir, it also h e l pe d burnis h M onaco’ s im age as a glam orous place to be for th e w e alth y. (M onaco can re s t
For a long tim e , M onaco h ad no incom e taxe s and w as a tax h ave n for w e al th y fore igne rs and inte rnationalcorporations . Th is caus e d a uniq ue th ing about M onaco’ s population: m os t of its re s ide nts are not native — in fact, only about 1 in 5 pe ople are native M one gas q ue s . Afte r a long dis pute w ith France , M onaco s tarte d to im pos e incom e taxe s on allof its re s ide nts w h o are not born th e re . Its natural citize ns are forbidde n from e nte ring cas inos , but to m ak e up for it, th e y
Th e Principality of M onaco, its form al nam e , m e ans th at th e te rritory is ruled by a prince . For th e las t s e ve n ce nturie s , M onaco w as ruled by prince s of th e Grim aldi fam ily from Ge noa. (Th e w h ole th ing s tarte d one nigh t in 129 7 w h e n François Grim aldi dis guis e d h im s e lf as a m onk and led a s m all arm y to conq ue r th e fortre s s guarding th e R ock of M onaco. Th e coat of arm s of th e Grim aldi be ars th e im age of m onk s w ith s w ords !) Now , th e Prince s h are s l e gis lative auth ority w ith a NationalCouncil. In 1861, M onaco re l inq uis h e d h al f of its te rritory to France in e xch ange for cas h and inde pe nde nce . W h e n th e re igning prince re alize d th at m os t of M onaco’ s natural re s ource s w e re on th e land th at got barte re d aw ay, h e de cide d to be t th e w h ol e e conom y on… w h at e lse , gam bling (s e e , cas inos are n’ tonly for Am e rican Indians , it’ s a tim e te s te d, unive rs als olution!) And s o be gan M onte Carlo, a re gion of M onaco w e ll k now n for its glam orous cas inos (a s e tting for Ian Flem ing’ s firs t Jam e s Bond Nove lCas ino R oyal e ) and its
e as y now , a ne w tre aty w ith France s tate d th at th e Principality
do noth ave to pay any incom e taxe s .
M O NACO Size : 0.8 s q . m i. (1.9 6 k m ²) Population: 35,657 (2006 e s tim ate ) Location: Fre nch R ivie ra on th e M e dite rrane an
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Form ula O ne Grand Prix. In 19 18, M onaco e nte re d a tre aty w ith France for m ilitary prote ction — th e tre aty,
PH O TO BETACAM /SXC.H U
M onaco is th e s e cond s m all e s t country on Earth (it’ s rough ly th e s ize of Ne w Y ork ’ s Ce ntral Park ), ye t it’ s th e m os t de ns e ly popul ate d (23,660 pe ople pe r k m ²). Actually, M onaco us e d to be m uch s m all er th an it is now — about 100 acre s w e re re claim e d from th e s e a and adde d to its land s ize . At th e narrow e s t, M onaco is only 382 yards w ide !
PH O TO BRITTNEYBUSH /FLICK R
Size : 0.17 s q . m i. (0.44 k m ²) Population: 783 (2005 ce ns us ) Location: R om e , Italy
Th e s ize of a gol f cours e , th e Vatican City is th e s m al l e s t country in th e w orld. It’ s bas ical l y a w alled e ncl ave ins ide of R om e , Ital y. It’ s so s m al lth at th e e ntire country doe s not h ave a s ingl e s tre e taddre s s . Th e Vatican City m ay be s m al l, but it is ve ry pow e rful . It is th e s ove re ign te rritory of th e H oly Se e , or th e s e at of th e Cath olic Ch urch , w h ich h as ove r 1 bill ion pe opl e (about 1 in 6 pe opl e on th e pl ane t) as cons titue nts . Th e Vatican City w as cre ate d in 19 29 by th e Late ran Tre aty (w h ich w as s igne d by one of h is tory’ s m os t re pre s s ive dictators , Be nito M us s ol ini) and is ruled by th e Pope , bas ical ly a non-h e re ditary, e l e cte d m onarch w h o rul e s w ith abs olute auth ority (h e ’ s th e legis l ative , e xe cutive and judiciary al l rol l e d into one ) — inde e d, th e Pope is
th e onl y abs ol ute m onarch in Europe . Anoth e r uniq ue th ing about th e s m al l e s t country in th e w orl d is th at it h as no pe rm ane nt citize ns . Citize ns h ip of th e Vatican City is confe rre d upon th os e w h o w ork at th e Vatican (as w e ll as th e ir s pous e s and ch ildre n) and is re vok e d w h e n th e y s top w ork ing th e re . Th e Vatican City is guarde d by th e s m al l e s t and olde s t re gul ar arm y in th e w orl d, th e Sw is s Guard. It w as originall y m ade up of Sw is s m e rce narie s in 1506, now th e arm y (al s o pe rs onal bodyguards of th e Pope ) num be r 100, al l of w h ich are Cath olic unm arrie d m ale Sw is s citize ns . Th e Sw is s Guard’ s R e nais s ance -s tyl e uniform w as com m only attribute d as to h ave be e n de s igne d by M ich e l ange l o — th is w as actually incorre ct: th e large "s k irt"
pants w e re a com m on s tyle during th e R e nais s ance . O nly th e ir uniform s s e e m antiq uate d: m os t of th e Sw is s Guards carry pis tols and s ubm ach ine guns . Th e official language s of th e Vatican City are Latin and Italian. In fact, its ATM s are th e onl y one s in th e w orld th at offe r s e rvice s in Latin! And h e re you th ough t th at Latin is a de ad language … For a country th at h as no s tre e t addre s s , th e Vatican City h as a ve ry e fficie nt pos t office : an inte rnational m aildroppe d in th e Vatican w illge t th e re fas te r th an one droppe d in Italy jus t a fe w h undre d yard aw ay — in fact, th e re is m ore m ails e nt annually pe r inh abitant from th is country (7,200 m ails pe r pe rs on) th an anyw h e re e lse in th e w orld.
Th e Vatican City h as a country code top leve l dom ain of .va — curre ntly th e re are only 9 publicly k now n .va dom ains . It also h as a radio broadcas ting s e rvice , called Vatican R adio, w h ich w as s e t up by Guglie lm o M arconi (th e Fath e r of R adio) h im s e lf! Th e country’ s e conom y is uniq ue : it is th e only noncom m e rciale conom y in th e w orld. Ins te ad, th e Vatican City is s upporte d financially by contributions of Cath ol ics w orldw ide (called Pe te r’ s Pe nce — h e y, e ve n th e Pope acce pts cre dit cards !), th e s ale of pos tage s tam ps and publications , and touris m . Las tly, as an e ccles ias tical paradis e , th e Vatican City h as no taxe s .
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VATICAN CITY
B H
O R R ID
@
CUR SE
OR
PH O TO TO RE_ URNES /FLICK R
H aving trave l e d from M ongolia, th e Black D e ath is s aid to h ave arrive d in a port in Sicil y in 1347, and continue d its tour of contine ntal Europe and England until1352, w h e n it h e ade d ove r to M os cow . Th e e xact de ath tollis not k now n, due to s o m any pe ople dying s o rapidly, and due to th e de ath s of th os e m e ant to be re cording th e de ath s of th e ir fe llow citize ns . Still, m os t h is torians agre e th at, during th os e fe w ye ars , th e plague claim e d around 25 m il lion of Europe ’ s 75-m illion population. W h ile th is ave rage s out to be 33% of th e totalpopulation, th e de ath count in s om e are as , lik e parts of Italy and Engl and, s e e m e d to re ach as h igh as 40% to 60%. W h e n th e plague finally l e ft Europe in 1352, it did not dis appe ar fore ve r, continuing to w re ak h avoc h e re and th e re for th e follow ing th re e ce nturie s . But w ith onl y one or tw o e xce ptions – m os t notably, th e Gre at Plague of London of 1665 – none of th e s ubs e q ue nt plague outbre ak s m atch e d th e fe rocity and s w iftne s s of th e Bl ack D e ath . As it s w e pt th rough th e countrys ide and de vas tate d citie s , its ins atiabl e appe tite s e e m e d to gl oatth atno one w as s afe , and noth ing could s top it. Y e t, th e Black D e ath actual l y arrive d at a tim e w h e n Europe w as q uick ly com ing to a point of no re turn. Th e pros pe rity and population incre as e of th e pre vious couple of ce nturie s now found Europe ans s truggling to m ak e re s ource s m e e t de m ands . M uch of th e ove rw ork e d and infe rior farm lands produce d fe w e r crops e ach ye ar. And w ith pove rty and h unge r pre valent, th e living s tandards of m e die val citize ns w e re rapidly de clining. Th e Gre at Pl ague also h e lpe d initiate s om e ve ry im portant s ocie tal ch ange s and de ve l opm e nts : s ocialand e conom ic s tructure s re configure d; te ch nologicaladvance s abounde d;Ch urch pow e r and rule w e ak e ne d;and artis tic notions re inve nte d. Th rough out th e ce ntury fol low ing th e Black D e ath ’ s h orrific re ign, allare as of life and com m e rce w e re dras tically affe cte d, and th e w orl d h as n’ tbe e n th e s am e s ince .
lA ck Dea th
D IGUISED BLESSING?
NICO LA CO O K W W W .W R ITING.CO M /AUTH O R S/NICO LA
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W
h e n th e Black D e ath – also k now n as th e Gre at Plague and th e Gre at M ortal ity – s w e pt th rough m e die valEurope , l ife as e ve ryone h ad k now n it ce as e d to e xis t, both l ite ral ly and m e taph orical ly.
PH O TO ANDREAS_ K RAUTW ALD /FLICK R
I. Socialand Econom ic Structure s R e configure d Give n th e vas t num be r of de ath s th e Gre at M ortal ity h ad re ape d, Europe and Engl and face d a l abor s h ortage : gre at ne w s for th e poor, te rribl e ne w s for th e w e alth y. Now , e ve ryone from s e rving girls to artis ans incre as e d th e ir w age de m ands , s om e tim e s e ve n doubl ing or tripl ing th e once typical am ounts . Appal led at th e bras h be h avior of th e low e r cl as s e s , h igh s ocie ty atte m pte d to re fus e th e w age de m ands ; grim acing as th e low ly cl as s e s s trutte d around tow n in fine cloth e s of s ilk and fur and s at dow n to tre at th e ir palate s to tantalizing foods . Th e w e alth y, h ow e ve r, h ad no l e ve raging m e ans . Pe as ants , not lords of m anors , now pos s e s s e d th e pow e r to dictate th e te rm s of w age and l abor. If a landow ne r re fus e d to pay th e labore r th e am ount h e re q ue s te d, h e w as ge ne ral ly l e ft to te nd to h is ow n fie lds , as h e w atch e d th e roles of running th e fam ilie s ’ s h ops .
II. Te ch nol ogicalAdvance s Abounde d W h e n one h as fe w e r labore rs to e m ploy, and pe rh aps not e nough m one y to fulfillth e w age re q uire m e nts , one m us t inve nt ne w w ays of accom plis h ing th e w ork and m e e ting th e de m ands : e nte r th e m ach ine s . Joh ann Gute nbe rg’ s printing pre s s , unve iled in 1453, allow e d book s to be m as s -produce d for th e incre as ing num be r of be tte r-e ducate d and k now ledge -th irs ty citize ns of m e die valEurope . Prior to th e printing pre s s , e ach copy of a book h ad to be crafte d by h and; e ach page , e ach s e ction m e ticulous ly re cre ate d. Afte r th e Gre at Plague , advance m e nts also cam e in th e w orld of w e aponry, w h e re s oldie rs could now us e m us k e ts and cannons to annih ilate th e ir e ne m ie s . If th e re m us t be fe w e r m e n on th e front line s , th e n it’ s be s t to provide th e m w ith w e apons th at can caus e a
gre atde alof dam age . Fis h ing, buil ding, m ining, farm ing – ne arl y e ve ry trade and profe s s ion be gan de ve loping and e m ploying tim e - and labor-s aving de vice s , fore ve r alte ring th e s tructure of th e w ork force . Th e m e dicalprofe s s ion also ch ange d gre atly in th e afte rm ath of th e Black D e ath . M e dicine h ad be e n w h olly inte rtw ine d w ith re ligion th rough th e e arly and m id m e die valtim e pe riod, to th e point th at s om e one could not e ve n be gin s tudying to be com e a l ice ns e d ph ys ician w ith out firs t obtaining a m as te r’ s de gre e in th e ology. H ow e ve r, as th e pe s til e nce ravage d e ach country, leaving piles of bodie s as its calling card, th e w orld be gan to fe e l abandone d by its God. Th e Cath olic Ch urch h ad s h ow n its e lf to be jus t as vulne rable to th e plague ’ s w rath as th e m ul titude of pe as ants , and none of th e h e artfe lt praye rs or re liable tre atm e nts h ad cure d th e s uffe ring. Littl e by littl e , th e us e of punge nt h e rbs and cleve r concoctions as
PAGE1 3
pe as ant w al k on to th e ne xt m anor to s e llh is s e rvice s th e re . Pe as ants could also afford to ch oos e only to w ork on fe rtile farm land, w h ich yie lde d be tte r and m ore pl e ntifulcrops . Alth ough s e rfdom h ad be e n s low l y dis s ol ving in th e ye ars be fore th e plague arrive d, it be gan to pe ris h com plete ly in th e w ak e of th e de vas tation. Pe as ants w e re n’ t s ol e ly de m anding m ore m one y, th ough . W ith th is q uaint role re ve rs al, th e y ne gotiate d oth e r pe rk s from th e l andow ne rs , s uch as re nt re ductions or l and grants . In th e pos t-Black D e ath w orld, pe as ants ofte n h ad th e ability to w illland to allof th e ir ch ildre n, not m e re l y th e el de s ts on, w h ich h ad pre vious l y be e n th e cas e . W om e n found ne w opportunitie s , as w e ll , as th e y com m ande e re d s om e of th e be tte r-paying, m ale-dom inate d profe s s ions , lik e th os e in m e talw ork . W h ile it s e e m s th at w om e n in th e s e pos itions w e re not paid q uite as m uch as th e m e n, th e m e re fact th at th e s e opportunitie s h ad be e n pre s e nte d to th e m re m aine d an as tounding turn of e ve nts . Additionally, th os e w om e n w h os e bus ine s s -ow ning h us bands h ad fallen victim to th e plague now as s um e d th e
and dis appointm e nt in th e
re ne w al and h appine s s floode d th e dis tre s s e d and
Cath olic Ch urch led m any to de ve lop a m ore pe rs onalre lations h ip w ith th e ir God – cutting out th e m iddlem e n, s o to s pe ak . Th e s e s e ntim e nts led oth e rs , th ough not m any, to form h e re tical groups in England and Europe , w h e re e ve ry cre e d and s anction of th e Ch urch s at in q ue s tion. As th e Cath olic s trongh old s low ly w e ak e ne d, th e s tage w as s e t for th e m any e ve nts and influe nce s th at w ould lead to
ove rw h e lm e d citie s . W h ile s ure ly not th e s ole im pe tus , th e re can be no doubt th at th e Bl ack D e ath lent its h and to th e e m e rge nce of th e R e nais s ance in Ital y. As artis ts th ough t and cre ate d in ne w w ays , im age s of be autiful w om e n re place d s k e letons w ith s cyth e s ; tales of dancing w ith de ath s te ppe d as ide as ne w w ritings s pok e of th e h um anis t s pirit. Italian artis ts w e re m ore th an re ady to leave th e nigh tm are s of th e Gre at Plague
England and th e Europe an contine nt. By e xte ns ion, h os pital s no longe r s e rve d m e re ly to s e parate th e s ick from th e h e alth y. O nce th e Gre at Plague h ad re linq uis h e d its control ove r th e re gion, h os pital s actual ly be gan tre ating th e s ick in an e ffort to cure th e ir il ls (th ough m e dicaltre atm e nt re m aine d a far cry from w h at w e k now today). Th e conce pt of placing pe ople s uffe ring from th e s am e afflictions toge th e r in one s e ction of th e h os pitalal s o ow e s its ge ne s is to th is tim e pe riod. Now , th e re w e re diffe re nt w ards for diffe re nt m aladie s , ins te ad of e ve ryone be ing h aph azardly th row n toge th e r.
th e R e form ation 166 ye ars late r.
be h ind th e m .
III. Ch urch Pow e r and R ul e W e ak e ne d M e die val Europe h ad be e n ruled by th e Cath olic Ch urch , w h e re al llook e d to th e prie s ts and th e pope for s alvation and l e ade rs h ip. At th e be ginning of th e Gre at M ortality’ s re ign, citize ns be lie ve d God w as punis h ing th e m for th e ir m any s ins and praye d e arne s tly for re lie f. But w h e n th e m igh ty Cath ol ic Ch urch coul d not s top th e pe s tilence , and, inde e d, w atch e d as th e Black D e ath cl aim e d m any of its ow n m e m be rs , th e pe ople l os t s om e of th e ir faith in th e s e m e n w h o as s e rte d m uch , but offe re d little. Th e Ch urch ’ s h ypocris y, w h ich h ad be e n grow ing for ye ars , w as also not los t on Europe an citize nry, as th e y learne d of prie s ts k e e ping concubine s and of th e cl e rgy living in l uxury.
IV. Artis tic Notions R e inve nte d Since art ofte n im itate s life , it’ s uns urpris ing th at th e paintings and w ritings during and jus t afte r th e Gre at Plague focus e d prim arily on de ath and h um an life ’ s dance w ith it. And th e s e de pictions w e re not th e ofte n-rom anticize d cre ations of today, w h e re de ath s e e m s a be autifuline vitability. W h e n m e die val artis ts portraye d de ath , it w as grue s om e , lone ly, painful, and grim ; artis tic s cre am s of ince s s ant grie f and de s truction. But w h e n th e plague finally re leas e d Europe from its clutch e s , at l e as t m om e ntarily, a fe e ling of
PH O TO K ITTYCATE /FLICK R
Th is dis gus t w ith
ans w e rs w e re be ing s ough t. In th e afte rm ath of th e carnage , clinicall y orie nte d m e dicine be gan to m ove to th e fore front, w ith m ore autops ie s pe rform e d and yie lding m ore accurate s tudie s and de s criptions of th e h um an anatom y. Th is ne w focus , com pl e te w ith s cie ntific th e orie s and analys e s , not only ch ange d th e m e dical s ch ools alre ady in e xis te nce at th e tim e , but al s o h e lpe d ins titute ne w l e ve l s of h igh e r e ducation th rough out
Alth ough unde niably h orrific, th e Black D e ath ’ s s tre ngth and pe rs is te nce also h e lpe d form th e w orld th at w e k now today. H ad s uch de s olation not occurre d, pe rh aps w e w ould not be as te ch nologically advance d, or e ve n as s ociologically advance d in ce rtain are as . W h ile th e w orld w ould ce rtainly h ave ch ange d ove r tim e , th e plague catapulte d th e pe ople into are as of re form th at m igh t h ave re m aine d unalte re d for s e ve ral m ore ce nturie s . H is tory re pe ate dly te lls us th at e ve n in th e bleak e s t of tim e s – or pe rh aps , e s pe cially in th e bleak e s t of tim e s – th e re are th ings to be learne d and gaine d; and th e gre ate s t s uffe rings ofte n te ach m ore th an th e gre ate s ttrium ph s . ****** For M ore Inform ation: Th e Bl ack D e ath is a vas t and intriguing s ubje ct, of w h ich I h ave only capture d a fragm e nt w ith th is article. Sh ould you w is h to learn m ore about it, th e re are m yriad re s ource s available, but th e re fe re nce s lis te d be low w illprovide a good s tarting point. Th e Gre at M ortality: An Intim ate H is tory of th e Black D e ath , th e M os t D e vas tating Plague of AllTim e by Joh n K e lly Th e Black D e ath and th e Trans form ation of th e W e s t by D avid H e rlih y “Th e Plague ” docum e ntary by Th e H is tory Ch anne l
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m e dicinal s aviors w as be ing q ue s tione d, and ne w
SK O T K UR R UK W W W .IZ Z LEPFAFF.CO M
S
e attl e h as re ce ntl y be e n e nduring
a TERRIBLE CO LD SNAP w h e re it h as occas ional l y dippe d be l ow 30 de gre e s and dum pe d a coupl e of noncom m ittalinch e s of s now on us for th e pas t w e e k or s o. Natural l y, th is h as bas ical l y s h utdow n th e city.
PH O TO M IIK A FIN /FLICK R
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A D RIV ING FO RCE
tim e s of e xtre m e (-l y m undane ) w e ath e r, you ne ve r k now w h e n th e m e atriots w il ls tart. I, h ow e ve r, am a fuck ing ninja for s now driving. I gre w up in Idah o, m oth e rfuck e r! I took drive r's e d in e igh t inch e s of s now . H ow do I k now it w as e igh t inch e s of s now ?I m e as ure d it w ith m y dick . RAR! I m us t confe s s , th ough , th at th is did not k e e p m y te e nage d s e l f fre e from autove h icul ar m is h ap. I've w ritte n aboutth is be fore . I w il le ve n confe s s th at I m ys e l f once or tw ice got caugh t out by bad w e ath e r conditions w h il e driving. For ins tance , driving m y car back h om e one particul ar e ve ning — m y aw e s om e '75 Ch e vy M onz a — fol l ow ing m y fath e r, I m anage d to induce th e ve h icl e into a 180-de gre e s pin on a grave lroad. (It s h oul d be m e ntione d al s o th at I w as 14 ye ars ol d; you coul d s til lge t "dayl igh t pe rm its " th at young w h e n I w as th at age , w h ich seems l ik e about as good an ide a as giving
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Th e Se attl e s ch ool s h ave s h ut dow n, for ins tance , and th e day care m y w ife w ork s at al so h as be e n s h ut dow n. Ine xpl icabl y, s h e w e nt in to w ork anyw ay to do s om e crum m y pape rw ork ; s h e al s o s pe nt a l ittl e tim e in our purpl e Pl ym outh (s e xy!) s l iding back w ards dow n a h il l . Sh e 's ok ay, s h e 's fine , s h e didn't h it anyth ing oth e r th an a froz e n h om e l e s s guy. Se ns ibl y, s h e th re w h is froz e n carcas s into our trunk , be caus e , in th e s e
Bird (but m ore im portantl y, on th e w ay to th e rive r) w as a tre m e ndous , w indy, s te e p h igh w ay grade th at re q uire d atte ntion and caution to navigate , tw o traits th at are s ure l y pre s e nt in al l te e nage d boys . M y pal s de l igh te d in a ce rtain prank is h activity invol ving re ach ing ove r to th e car k e y and s w itch ing it off m idw ay dow n th e m ountain. Th is w oul d caus e m e to s cre am , invariabl y, "YO U FAG!" and th e n, ins te ad of ge ntl y s w itch ing th e e ngine back on w ith one cl ick of th e k e y back to its "O n" pos ition, rath e r ove rcrank ing th e k e y ne rvous l y into "Start" m ode , caus ing th e s tarte r to grind h orribl y and caus e m e ch anicals tre s s . H il arious . An e ve n be tte r trick w as to s w ifty re ach ove r, turn off th e k e y and th row it onto th e fl oor s om e w h e re , re s ul ting in m e (th e drive r) s crabbl ing around unde r th e das h w h il e coas ting m aje s tical l y dow n th is h orrifying tw is ty m az e of cl iff de ath . O nce , one of m y idiot frie nds re m ove d th e k e ys in th is m anne r, but ins te ad of fl inging th e m to th e fl oorboards , h e dangl e d th e m out th e w indow for a w h il e . H ad h e droppe d th e m , w e al lw oul d h ave be e n s m ok ing m e at. Are te e nage d m al e s th e onl y l ife form s on th e pl ane t th at h ave s uch an incre dibl y focus e d drive tow ards s e l f-e radication? Th e l e m m ings th ing w as prove n to be a m anufacture d m yth , but w h o ne e ds l e m m ings w h e n you h ave four guys in
a car, al l of w h om are w e aring m ul l e ts and parach ute pants ?And w h o, ch ance s are , are drunk ? Anoth e r tim e , th e four of us — th e re w e re al w ays four of us — w e re s itting at a s im pl e T-s h ape d turnoff, again to th e h igh w ay. I don't re m e m be r w h e re w e w e re going th is tim e ... pos s ibl y to th e gol f cours e to pis s in al lth e bal lw as h e rs , or s om e th ing,
or m aybe jus t to w as h our bal l s . W h o care s ? Anyw ay. For once , I w as re s pons ibl e ;I l ook e d l e ft. I l ook e d righ t. Al lcl e ar, and s o I s e date l y took m y l e ft turn; w e w e re l is te ning to H ys te ria by De f Le ppard; al lw as righ tw ith th e w orl d.
As I w as h al fw ay into th e l e ft, a s e m i truck m ate rial iz e d I s w e ar out of fuck ing now h e re . It s im pl y h adn't be e n th e re tw o s e conds be fore . But h e re it w as , righ t on top of us , re ady to s m e ar us l ik e a w ayw ard rode nt. I re m e m be r th e s tiffe ne d s tance of th e drive r, and I re m e m be r th e Gabrie l trum pe t bl as t as h e je rk e d m aniacal l y on h is air h orn. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" s cre am e d al l th e boys in th e car, incipie nt m as cul inity al ll os t ins tantl y in th e m om e nt; s opranos e ve ry one . I s tom pe d on th e gas , and th e trus ty M onz a re s ponde d e xactl y as us ual :l ik e a fat-as s e d Corgi on a h ot day. Pl e as e l e t it h it th e back of th e car, I th ough t. K e vin's dum be r th an m e . K e vin w as s itting righ tbe h ind m e . W e m ade th e turn, of cours e . It s e e m e d l ik e th e truck m is s e d us by inch e s , but I can't re al l y s ay. It m igh t h ave be e n fe e t, or yards . I am pre tty s ure th at no m atte r w h at th e dis tance w as , th e drive r of th e truck cam e cl os e to a pow e r s h ot to M ars bas e d on th e force of h is s tartl e d e xcre tory re action. And w h at w as our re action? Afte r a fe w obl igatory "O h m an!"s and "H ol y s h it!"s , I s e e m to re cal ls om e one s aying, "Le t's go to K e vin's pl ace . W e 're going th atw ay anyw ay." W h y? "H is s is te rs are s o h ot." K e vin's s is te rs w e re 16 and 18. Ye s , th e y w e re h ot. K e vin: "Sh utup. You're a fag." W e didn't die . W e didn't re fl e ct. W e l is te ne d to H ys te ria. W e w e nt to K e vin's . W e ogl e d h is s is te rs . And w e al ll ive d fore ve r, jus t l ik e w e al w ays k ne w w e w oul d. Righ t?
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infants bl ow guns to pl ay w ith .) M y fath e r s tare d at m e afte rw ards w ith th e k ind of l ook th at s e e m e d to s ay, "I w onde r w h ich m ail m an m y w ife fuck e d to produce th is dubious s pe cim e n ofh um anity." O th e r tim e s , in th os e h al cyon ye ars , no w e ath e r w as re q uire d to produce d on-road th e atrics . O fte n tim e s , al lone ne e de d w as "frie nds ." O ut of m y h om e tow n on th e w ay to th e s torie d tow n of W h ite
PH O TO CENZ /FLICK R
TH E BUR IAL - A Ch il d's H appy Pl ace @
NICO LA CO O K W W W .W R ITING.CO M /AUTH O R S/NICO LA
A
Y e s , tom bs tone s . In St. Joh n’ s W ood, London, th e re is a q uaint littl e playground for ch il dre n k now n as Th e Burial. M os t w oul d find s uch an om inous nam e for a ch il dre n’ s playground h orrific, but Th e Burialis th us cal l e d due to th e tom bs tone s th at m ark th e grave s of th os e w h o are burie d in th e s am e l ot. As if s om e th ing out of a Poe s tory or a H itch cock fil m, h appy ch il dre n cavort w ith th e e xcite d fe e ling of e te rnal youth , w h ile ce nturie s -ol d grave s l ine th e ir path s . I cannot q uite re cal lth e ve ry firs t tim e th at I e nte re d Th e Burial and playe d for s e ve ralblis s fulh ours , but s om e of m y firs t re col l e ctions of s uch e njoym e nt tak e m e back to th e age of s ix or s o. H aving a Britis h m oth e r w h os e fam il y s til ll ive d in Engl and,
th ough s h e h ad ye ars ago m ove d to Am e rica, I h ad th e s pl e ndid fortune s ince birth of vis iting al l of m y ove rs e as k in e ve ry tw o ye ars on fam il y trips . Th e Burial w as al w ays one of m y favorite pl ace s to vis it in London, and not s im pl y be caus e I w as a typicalk id w h o l ik e d to s pin around on pl ayground e q uipm e nt to th e point of naus e a. Eve n at a young age , I re cognize d th at Th e Burialw as ce rtainl y diffe re nt th an any oth e r pl ayground in w h ich I h ad be e n in Am e rica, and th at I w ould probabl y ne ve r s e e in m y ow n country a pl ace w h e re I coul d h ave a fabul ous l y care fre e playtim e w h il st s urrounde d by th e re m nants of th e de ad. I didn’ t th ink th e youth -de ath dich otom y s trange or uns e ttling. In
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ge ntle bre e ze cut th rough th e w arm ing te m pe rature s of th e s um m e r m orning, rus tling th e leave s in th e s urrounding tre e s and carrying th e Englis h acce nts of pas s e rs by. Th e jovialm ix of ch il dre n’ s s h outs and running fe e t s w irled th rough th e air as th e ris ing s un s pre ad its ligh t ove r th e s w ing s e t, roundabout, m onk e y bars , and tom bs tone s .
Ignoring one of th e only guarante e s life
w h e re five out of your s ix ch ildre n are
in th e s e ns e of an individual pe rs on th ink ing I don’ t w ant to die . Curre nt Am e rican culture in ge ne rals e e m s to tak e allpos s ible s te ps to pre te nd th at h um ans can s top th e aging proce s s , and to ignore
offe rs , h ow e ve r, cre ate s a large r bre e ding ground for th e fe ar. W h e th e r w e re gularly ack now ledge it or not, w e allk now th at, s h ort of D racula’ s e xis te nce be ing prove n and h im biting e ach of us into im m ortality, de ath w ill at s om e point arrive k nock ing at our door. And no am ount
lik e ly to die ; or living to your late 50s m ak e s you ancie nt; or giving your ch il da book about a little girlbe ing burne d in a fire to h e lp te ach about de ath is com m on practice (and ye s , th e re w as s uch a book ). It’ s be e n a fe w ce nturie s s ince grand invitations w e re de l ive re d for fune rals lik e party invitations are dis s e m inate d
of lock s can k e e p h im from e nte ring. W h il e de aling w ith de ath is ce rtainly ne ve r e as y, particularly w h e n los ing a love d one , th e plas tic living w orld w e ’ ve cre ate d to s h ie ld ours e lve s from th e re ality m ak e s it e ve n m ore difficult to confront our fe ar and acce pt de ath ’ s puis s ant and inte rm inable e xis te nce in allour live s . As s cie nce h as h e lpe d to length e n th e ave rage pe rs on’ s life , s ocie ty’ s ability to cope w ith de ath h as w e ak e ne d, and pe rh aps th at’ s be caus e w e don’ t h ave to m e e t life ’ s ne m e s is on a daily bas is . Th e h um an m ind and s pirit accum ulate a gre ate r s tre ngth and re s olve w h e n face d w ith cons tant battles ; re duce th e num be r of battles and s om e of th e s tre ngth and re s olve w ill dis s ipate . By e xte ns ion, pe rh aps th e fact th at pre s e nt Am e rican s ocie ty doe s not find its e lf re lentles s ly
today. ‘ Tw as longe r ago s tillth at s m all ch ildre n cre ate d and s ang “R ing Around th e R os e s ,” as th e bodie s of th e plague victim s lite rally piled up th rough out th e citie s and tow ns . W h ile I don’ t th ink anyone w ants a de vas tating plague to h e lp narrow th e gap be tw e e n de ath and of our acce ptance of it, pe rh aps place s lik e Th e Burialare a nice m iddle ground; a s ort of inte ractive m e e ting place for th os e jus t s tarting out in life and th os e w h os e grave s tone s re count th e live s th e y once live d. M aybe a care fulconcoction of th e living w orl d m ixe d w ith th e s h adow s of de ath w ill e nable us to vanq uis h our s e e m ingly e te rnals tate of de nial. At th e ve ry leas t, w e can be ce rtain th at Am e rica’ s dis pos ition tow ards th e final s lee p w illcontinue to m orph and adapt, jus t as it h as during th e las t s e ve ral ce nturie s . O nl y tim e w ills h ow h ow our acce ptance of de ath e volve s , but in th e m e antim e , I can s tillre m inis ce about th e e arly m e m orie s of m y ch ildh ood; w h e n I w as 3,500 m iles aw ay and luck y e nough
e ns h roude d by de ath is pre cis e l y w h at com pe ls us to m aintain th e de nial. Afte r all, w e ’ re no longe r living in an age
to m ingle w ith th e de ad, s taring at th e ir pe rm ane nt h om e s w h ile s pinning ch e e rily on th e roundabout.
ce m e te rie s are w onde rfulplace s in w h ich to s pe nd a q uie t afte rnoon, and I’ ve ne ve r found de ath to be frigh te ning. I’ m s ure you're now th ink ing O h , w e ll , th at e xplains it (and I w illconce de th at you k ind of h ave a point th e re ); but I w ould lik e to point out th at I w as not th e only one e njoying m y ch ildh ood at Th e Burial. Pe rh aps s om e of th e oth e r ch il dre n w e re not as e nam ore d as I by th e s urrounding grave s , and m any of th e m probabl y didn’ t e ve n tak e notice th at Gre at-Gre at-Gre at Uncle Th adde us w as l ying s ix fe e t unde r th e ir s tom ping fe e t. None th e les s , to al l w h o w e re pas s ing tim e th e re – ch il dre n, pare nts , Th adde us – Th e Burialw as truly a de ligh tfuls potin th e h e artof London. Y e t, I cannot im agine s om e one in Am e rica today giving th e gre e n ligh t to build a playground in a lot th at al so h appe ns to contain s om e abandone d grave s . In fact, th e vis ualof s w arm s of s occe r m om s h as tily grabbing pick e t s igns from th e ir m inivans and SUVs s e e m s a vivid and im pe nding re al ity if th e
th e fact th at de ath is an ine vitable re ality. M adis on Ave nue pe ddles anti-aging cre am s in an e ffort to e ras e th e ph ys ical m anife s tations of tim e ’ s forw ard journe y, and m ode rn s cie nce cre ate s m ach ine s to k e e p us bre ath ing long afte r our bodie s h ave abandone d th e figh t to continue . Som e pe opl e h ave e ve n h ad th e ir corps e s cryoge nically froze n, s o th at th e y pe rh aps m ay be brough t back to life at s om e point in th e future . It’ s as if th e re ’ s s om e s ort of
notion w e re e ve n rais e d. Butw h y? collective de nial about or re futation of I te nd to th ink th at s uch a re action de ath ’ s e xis te nce pe rpe tually loom ing w ould be de rive d from Am e rica’ s ove r Am e rican culture .
PH O TO SH UTTERBRI /FLICK R
unh e alth y fe ar of de ath , and I don’ t m e an
forgotte n tom bs tone s th at pe e k e d out from h is tory’ s tim e line and ove rgrow n blade s of gras s to w atch th e ne xt ge ne ration e njoy th e s im pl e r as pe cts of life . Now , I s h ould s tate th at I h ave alw ays h ad an ove rw h e l m ing adoration w ith th e dark e r s ide of life , e ve n as a ch ild. I th ink
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fact, I love d th e w h ole conce pt of
SK O T K UR R UK W W W .IZ Z LEPFAFF.CO M
EVER Y W H ER E, Jan. 25, 2007 — For th e s e cond tim e in one ye ar, Vice Pre s ide nt D ick Ch e ne y w as involve d in a gun-re late d incide nt once again afte r s h ooting you in th e face w ith a s h otgun e arlie r today. R e porte dly e nrage d w ith th e m e dia and publ ic re action to Pre s ide nt Bus h 's re ce nt State of th e Union addre s s , w h ich w as de s cribe d as "im be cilic", "ins ulting" and "ful l of tainte d m e at" by its nine vie w e rs , Ch e ne y e m bark e d on an am bitious proje ct to s h oot e ve ry Am e rican in th e face , including you. "W e 're running te rribly low on blood s upplie s ," com m e nte d D r. H e nry Be ndix at H arborvie w Traum a Ce nte r in Se attle, W as h ington. "W e de s pe rate l y ne e d donors ." D r. Be ndix w as about to e xpand on th e s e com m e nts , but w as th e n s udde nly s h ot in th e face by M r. Ch e ne y. Nurs e s , orde rlie s and s e curity guards conve rge d on th e bloody s ce ne , and w e re allim m e diate l y s h ot in th e face
by M r. Ch e ne y, w h o paus e d afte r th e carnage to dip h is finge rs in h is victim s ' blood and s tripe h is ch e e k s w ith th e s alty gore . "Th at is not de ad w h ich can e te rnal lie . And w ith s trange ae ons e ve n de ath m ay die ," pante d th e Vice Pre s ide nt e nigm atically be fore l oping off into th e dis tance in h unt for m ore victim s ,
h e s aid, re s ulting in s catte re d, confus e d applaus e from th e audie nce . Ch e ne y re porte dly bridled at th e inte ns e and w ide s pre ad dis approval of th e s pe e ch , w h ich Ch e ne y re porte dly ins is te d w as "fuck ing bos s " to anyone w h o w ould lis te n, including aide s and W h ite H ous e junior s taff, all of w h om gibbe re d
s uch as you. According to W h ite H ous e s ource s q uote d prior to be ing s h ot in th e face , M r. Ch e ne y e rupte d w ith a k illing rage im m e diate ly follow ing pre s s re action to Pre s ide nt Bus h 's puzzling State of th e Union s pe e ch . Bus h h ad de clare d th e s tate of th e nation to be "s trong" and "nice ly s ce nte d" be fore going on to de clare h is plans to "h unt dow n s om e prim e s nartch ." Bus h also s pe nt tim e de tailing h is pl ans to re form s h oe s izing in th is country, w h ich h e de s cribe d as "incons is te nt." "I buy a tw e lve at K inne y's and it's lik e , it's l ik e , a te n and a h al f at Th om M cCann's . It's allfuck e d up,"
ins e ns ibly w ith m ortalfe ar prior to be ing s h otin th e face by M r. Ch e ne y. At pre s s tim e , you are curre ntly lis te d in critical condition at your local h os pital or h as til y-as s e m bled triage te nt, loite ring im patie ntly at de ath 's door. H ad all m e dical officials — and e ve ry oth e r citize n in your re gion — not be e n s h ot in th e face by M r. Ch e ne y, your prognos is w ould be lis te d as "O h , m an." Y ou are a re s ide nt of w h e re you l ive , and w ould be de s cribe d by frie nds and fam ily, h ad th e y allnot be e n s h ot in th e face , as Note : Prior to filing, th is re porte r w as s h otin th e face by D ick Ch e ne y.
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PH O TO DARAGH /FLICK R
CH ENEY SH O O TS YO U IN TH E FACE
propos e a ne w w ay of th ink ing about tim e and s pace w h ich is buil t upon th e uniq ue as s um ption th at tim e re all y is th e
@
R O B BR Y ANTO N IM AGININGTH E TENTH D IM ENSIO N.BLO GSPO T.CO M
fourth s patial dim e ns ion, and th at th e dim e ns ions above th e fourth can th e n e as ily be im agine d by us ing w h at w e intuitive ly k now about th e dim e ns ions be low . Vis itors to m y w e bs ite , w w w .te nth dim e ns ion.com , h ave h ad m uch to s ay about th e m ind-blow ing e leve n m inute anim ation w h ich de m ons trate s th e ide as from ch apte r one .
s om e are not w illing to follow . Th at is one of th e re as ons I w as s o pleas e d to h ave auth or Gre g Be ar give m e h is e ndors e m e nt for m y book : "a fas cinating e xcurs ion into th e m ultive rs e --cl e ar, e legant, pe rs onal and provocative ". H aving a fam ous H ugo and Ne bula w inning s cie nce fiction auth or ack now ledge w h at I've cre ate d as be ing
If you h ave n’ t s e e n th at anim ation ye t, you m ay w ant to vie w it be fore re ading th e follow ing e xce rptfrom th e book . Be fore w e look at th e e xce rpt, th ough , one w ord of caution: w h e n I propos e th at tim e is a fulls patialdim e ns ion w h ich w e th ird-dim e ns ional cre ature s are e xpe rie ncing in a lim ite d w ay be caus e w e are built from ch e m ical re actions and proce s s e s th at obe y th e th e rm odynam ic law s of e ntropy, I go out on a lim b w h e re
an inte re s ting tak e on th e nature of re ality puts , to m y w ay of th ink ing, jus t th e righ t s pin on th e proje ct: th is is a w ork of im agination w h ich m any h ave found th ough t-provok ing, but no one s h ould fe e lth e y are be ing trick e d into be lie ving th at th is propos e d fram e w ork is a s cie ntific th e ory. W ith th os e cave ats in m ind, w h at fol low s is an e xce rpt from ch apte r th re e of “Im agining th e Te nth D im e ns ion” .
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M
os t of us h ave gotte n us e d to th e ide a th at tim e can be called th e fourth dim e ns ion, and Eins te in's th e orie s of s pace tim e h ave s h ow n us th at w e can im agine tim e as a dim e ns ion w h ich can be be nt by large m as s e s or conce ntrations of e ne rgy to cre ate gravity, or s tre tch e d by ne ar-s pe e dof-ligh t trave lto cre ate tw ins w h o are no longe r th e s am e age . H ow e ve r, e ve n th ough a dim e ns ion w h ich can be be nt and s tre tch e d m ay s ound lik e a s patial dim e ns ion, th e traditional s cie ntific pos ition h as alw ays be e n to k e e p tim e as a s e parate q uality w h ich is ove rlaid on th e oth e r s patialdim e ns ions . In m y book , “Im agining th e Te nth D im e ns ion” , I
PH O TO SAM JAVANRO UH /DDO I.CA
Th e I llusi on of Ti me
s pe cifically obs e rve d from allth e pos s ible w ave -s tate s , and onl y one of th os e s tate s w ill be th e one w h ich w e as q uantum obs e rve rs participating in a cons e ns ual re ality w ill find ours e lve s vie w ing tom orrow at point ” M ” . Th is is w h e re th e inde te rm inate s ize of a point be com e s s o im portant to us : th at point “M ” for tom orrow ’ s m e e ting, w h e n w e arrive th e re and s e e w h ich outcom e actually occurs , is a point th at re pre s e nts a ve ry s pe cific s lice ch os e n from th e unfath om ably h uge lis t of pos s ible outcom e s th at coul d h ave be e n obs e rve d. Also, e ach of
a dim e ns ion of tim e . If w e e xam ine th e h e lix graph ic cre ate d for th is proje ct, w e s e e e leve n num be rs are re pre s e nte d: th e num be rs one th rough te n, plus th e num be r ze ro. As w e s aw in th e anim ation and in ch apte r one , th at “ze ro” re pre s e nts not a fulldim e ns ion, but rath e r jus t th e ge om e tric conce pt of a point: a point can be of s pe cific location, but of inde te rm inate s ize . Now , let’ s l ook at h ow th is ide a re late s to our unde rs tanding of tim e . Som e tim e s w e th ink of tim e as be ing a proce s s th rough w h ich ch ange occurs , w h ile in oth e r cas e s w e th ink of tim e as be ing a s pe cific co-ordinate : if I am arranging to m e e t you at a location and tim e , I am de fining th at as a s pe cific point in th e fourth dim e ns ion. Four dim e ns ions m e ans four variabl es m us t be de fine d: th e re are th e x, y, z value s th at de fine our m e e ting pl ace in th e firs t th re e dim e ns ions , plus th e additional co-ordinate th at de fine s th e m e e ting tim e (for ins tance , “3 o’ clock tom orrow afte rnoon” ). Th is m ay s ound lik e w e h ave com plete l y de fine d a point in four dim e ns ions for our m e e ting, but th e re is s til ls om e opportunity for confus ion ove r w h at w e ’ re re ally re fe rring to h e re , if w e are th ink ing of th e fourth dim e ns ion as be ing m ore th an jus ttim e . H e re is th e probl e m : let’ s re fe r to th at point in th e fourth dim e ns ion w e h ave s e t for our m e e ting as point “M ” . In th e fourth dim e ns ion th e re are s tilla gre at m any s tate s th at could occur once w e arrive at point “M ” : w e could both s h ow up, I
th os e outcom e s h as its ow n traje ctory of oth e r points th at got us to th atpoint, and a m os tlik e ly s e tof points th atw illfol low . Th is is an e xtre m e ly im portant part of th e conce pt w e are e xploring. If w e can acce pt th at from h e re in th e th ird dim e ns ion “tim e ” is a point, or a s e t of dis cre te points , m oving along a line in th e dim e ns ion above , and th at th e inde te rm inate s ize of th at point is w h at m ak e s it e ncom pas s m uch m ore th an jus t th e lim ite d l ocation in tim e and s pace th at w e te nd to th ink of it as be ing, th e n w e can s e e a us e fulinte rpre tation w h ich s ays th at tim e is “D im e ns ion Z e ro” . Th is conce pt provide s us w ith a w ay to im agine te n s patialdim e ns ions , and it provide s us w ith a w ay to im agine th e s lippe rine s s of th e de finition of tim e (Is tim e a point, as in “3 pm tom orrow ” ?Is tim e a line , as in “th e m e e ting took an h our” ?O r is tim e re all y jus t a s e rie s of points s o clos e toge th e r th at th e y fe e llik e a continuous line ?). Th is conce pt also give s us a us e fulw ay to im agine h ow tim e is th e w ay you m ove from one particular s tate to anoth e r w ith in th e dim e ns ion be low , no m atte r w h atdim e ns ion you are curre ntly e xam ining. H ow e ve r, I h ave to adm it I am h e s itant to us e th e ph ras e “D im e ns ion Z e ro” as th e w ay to de s cribe tim e , be caus e of th e infe re nce th at could th e n be draw n th at I am claim ing th at dim e ns ion ze ro is a fulldim e ns ion. If you, de ar re ade r, find it us e fulto th ink of dim e ns ion ze ro as be ing tim e , th e n pleas e fe e l fre e to continue to us e th at conce pt for th e re m ainde r of th is book .
could be late , th e w orld could be de s troye d and w e both m is s th e m e e ting. Each of th os e is at a ve rs ion of point “M ” in th e fourth dim e ns ion. Each of th os e pos s ibl e “s tate s ” is
Clearl y, for pe rs ons us e d to oth e r e s tablis h e d w ays of vie w ing th e unive rs e , th e ve rs ion of re ality I am propos ing h e re m ay be h ard to acce pt. M y e xplanation of h ow th e e leve n dim e ns ions
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Tim e is an e ffe ct of our actions as q uantum obs e rve rs , and be caus e th e inde te rm inate w ave -s tate e xis ts in any and al lof th e dim e ns ions , tim e can be th ough t of as be ing in any dim e ns ion w e ch oos e to e xam ine . By de fining our re al ity as h aving te n s patialdim e ns ions (w ith th e te nth one adm itte dly h aving a uniq ue l y unch anging inde te rm inate s tatus s e parate and above th e oth e r nine ), w e are propos ing a w ay to unify any th ough ts of th e re be ing nine s patialdim e ns ions , or te n s patialdim e ns ions , or e ve n e leve n dim e ns ions w h ich include
our unive rs e is trappe d on a th re e
s e parate d from e ach oth e r in th e fourth
(w h ich
on s tring th e ory or be ing taugh t in any unive rs ity. W h e re th is vie w is com patibl e , th ough , is w ith th e acce ptance am ongs t cos m ol ogis ts of th e pos s ibility th at our unive rs e as w e k now it is part of a “m ul tive rs e ” : a collection of m any oth e r pos s ible unive rs e s , al l of w h ich are im plie d by th e probability
dim e ns ionalm e m brane , w h ich ph ys icis ts calla “th re e -brane ” . Parts of th e s trings of s tring th e ory w ould be e m be dde d in th is brane . O ne could im agine a s e ve nth dim e ns ional brane , or “s e ve n-brane ” , w h ich our th re e -brane could be inte racting w ith , and s o on. O ne ve rs ion of Brane Cos m ology
s patialdim e ns ion, are draw n toge th e r and e ve ntually s m as h into e ach oth e r, cre ating tw o brand ne w unive rs e s w ith re s ulting proce s s e s th at w ould th e n appe ar from w ith in our brane -unive rs e to be ve ry s im ilar to th e big bang. W e ’ lldis cus s th e Big Splat th e ory m ore in th e ch apte r “D ark M atte r and O th e r M ys te rie s ” .
“gravity w ave s ” , a pre dicte d outcom e from s om e of th e curre nt th e orie s of th e origin of th e unive rs e ) are com ing on line e ach ye ar w h ich provide cos m ologis ts w ith ne w tools th at m igh t allow th e m to s e e h ints of th e s tructure s im plie d w ith in th e s e th e orie s . But th e re are s tilla gre at m any m ys te rie s to be s olve d.
th e
e xis te nce
of
w ave function of q uantum ph ys ics . W h ile th e vie w w e are e xpl oring now m ay be ch allenging, th e re are m any th e orie s of re ality out th e re be ing advance d by re s pe cte d ph ys icis ts w h ich th e ge ne ralpublic m ay find e ve n h arde r to im agine : “Brane Cos m ology” , for ins tance , is bas e d upon th e conce pt th at
include s a conce pt be ing advance d for th e origin of th e unive rs e w h ich h as th e love ly nick nam e of th e “Big Splat” . It s ugge s ts th at ne ar our ow n th re e -brane th e re could be anoth e r, in w h ich a parallel unive rs e to ours is containe d. Eve ry trillion ye ars or s o, th is th e ory s ugge s ts , th e tw o brane s , w h ich are ordinarily
Am azing th e orie s s uch as th e Big Splat be g th e q ue s tion, h ow do you prove it? Ne w h igh e ne rgy particl e acce lerators (w h ich m ay re ve al s om e of th e bas ic s ubatom ic particles th at h ave be e n pre dicte d by s om e of th e re ce nt s cie ntific th e orie s , but w h ich are as ye t unde te cte d), and ultra-s e ns itive m e as uring de vice s
O ne of th e gre at m ys te rie s of th e unive rs e w as firs t propos e d in 1823 by H e inrich W ilhe l m O lbe rs . “O l be r’ s Paradox” as k s th is de ce ptive ly s im ple q ue s tion–if th e unive rs e is infinite , th e n w h y is th e nigh t s k y m os tly black ?No m atte r w h at dire ction you l ook in th e nigh t s k y, th e re s h ould be an infinitude of
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m ay s h ow
PH O TO PO LPULUX /FLICK R
are de rive d is not found in any te xtbook
be fore a s cie ntific proof w as to be de ve lope d (by Lord K e lvin in 19 01). Poe propos e d th at th e nigh t s k y is black be caus e of th e im m e ns e dis tance s to th e oute rm os t re ach e s of th e unive rs e , w h ich m e ans th at th e ligh t from th os e m os t dis tant s tars h as not
s h ow n th at th e s e tw o factors , th e dim m ing ove r dis tance and th e s um m ing of ligh t from additional s tars , s h ould e xactl y cance l e ach oth e r out. Th e re fore th e nigh t s k y s h ould be w h ite , notbl ack . Th e firs t pe rs on to ans w e r th is paradox, inte re s tingly e nough , w as th e Am e rican fiction auth or Edgar Allan Poe . In 1848, jus t a ye ar be fore h is de ath at th e age of forty, h e com plete d an e s s ay of h is obs e rvations and s uppos itions in a ram bling w ork called “Eure k a: A Pros e Poe m ” . Poe , w h o cons ide re d th e w ork to be h is care e r m as te rpie ce , w ante d it to be cons ide re d as art rath e r th an s cie nce . None th e l e s s , w ith in its page s h e anticipate d th e big bang th e ory by e igh ty ye ars , and s ol ve d
re ach e d us ye t. It turns out th at is inde e d th e corre ct ans w e r–our unive rs e is not infinite ly old, be caus e if it w e re th e n our nigh t s k y w ould be w h ite , notblack . And it is our uniq ue e xpe rie nce as q uantum obs e rve rs w h o are collaps ing th e “arrow of tim e ” out of th e fourth dim e ns ion in th e particular dire ction th at w e are righ t now (w ith th e big bang appe aring to launch th e arrow and th e future as th e arrow ’ s unde te rm ine d targe t) w h ich provide s us w ith th at be autiful vis ion of a black s k y and a h os t of tw ink ling s tars . Te xt re printe d from “ Im agining th e Te nth D im e ns ion” w ith pe rm is s ion of th e auth or. © 2006 by R ob Bryanton
PH O TO M M -J /FLICK R
O lbe r’ s paradox ove r fifty ye ars
furth e r aw ay a s tar is , th e dim m e r its ligh t w illbe , it is also true th at w ith an infinite unive rs e , th e furth e r aw ay you look in any s pe cific dire ction th e m ore s tars th e re s h ould be , s o th e am ount of ligh t from any dire ction w ill continue to com bine . It can be
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s tars . W h ile it’ s true th at th e
PH O TO M FCO RW IN /FLICK R
GETTING FIT W ITH W ILLIAM M ER ED ITH W W W .H EALTH BO LT.NET
A
ris totle (Gre e k : Ἀ ριστοτέλης Aris totélēs ) (384 BC – M arch 7, 322 BC) w as a Gre e k ph ilos oph e r, a s tude nt of Pl ato and te ach e r of Al e xande r th e Gre at. H e w rote on dive rs e s ubje cts , incl uding ph ys ics , poe try (incl uding th e ate r), biology and zoology, logic, rh e toric, politics , gove rnm e nt and e th ics . Along w ith Socrate s and Plato, Aris totle w as one of th e m os t influe ntialof ancie ntGre e k ph ilos oph e rs .
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@
D on’ t jum p from fad die t to fad die t or from one pie ce of ridiculous m ach ine ry to th e ne xt. Slow and s te ady w ins th e race . (Not th e actualrace , it’ s a m e taph or, s tupid.) W ork h ard to de ve l op h e alth y h abits one at a tim e and k e e p th e m for l ife . W h e n you find s om e crazy ne w die t on th e inte rw e b, don’ t as s um e it’ s gos pe l. Analyze and e xpe rim e ntto find outw h atw ork s for you and train yours e lf to l e tgo of w h atdoe s n’ t.
“M an pe rfe cte d by s ocie ty is th e be s t of al lanim als; h e is th e m os t te rrible of allw h e n h e live s w ith outl aw , and w ith outjus tice .” Saying to yours e lf, “I’ m going to ge t in s h ape th is ye ar” is k ind of w orth les s . H ow e ve r, s aying to yours e lf, “I’ m going to run 10 m inute s today” is an obje ctive ph ys icalgoal, and it’ s a lot e as ie r to do th an ge tting into s h ape th is ye ar. Se t a daily ph ys icalgoalfor yours e l f, not an e s ote ric foggy notion of s om e th ing th at m us t be done be fore you find yours e lf popping ch am pagne again.
“Pleas ure in th e job puts pe rfe ction in th e w ork .” D on’ t do a w ork out th at m ak e s you de pre s s e d. W ork ing out M ad?Y e s . Sad?No. R e m e m be r w h e n running and jum ping w as fun?Find s om e th ing you lik e about your w ork out and focus on it. It could be s olitude or jus t th e pleas ure of us ing your body for s om e th ing itw as m ade to do. I’ m not s aying if you don’ t re lis h e ve ry m om e nt of ph ys icalactivity, th e n you don’ t h ave to e xe rcis e . (If th at w e re th e cas e w e ’ d allbe fat ins te ad of jus t m os t of us .) I’ m s aying find s om e th ing to lik e about your ch os e n m e th od of calorie burning, and you’ re m uch m ore l ik e l y to s tick to it.
“Th e gods too are fond of a jok e .” And th at jok e is your h ips . O r m y be lly. Look , w e w e re allm ade w h o w e are and w e m us t play th at h and in life , but th e w ay you pl ay it is up to you. Le arn to laugh at w h at you truly cannot ch ange (s til lw rite your congre s s m an, s top w is h ing K ris py K re m e s containe d any re de e m ing nutritionalvalue ) and your productivity and h e alth w ill s k yrock e t.
“W e are w h atw e re pe ate dl y do.” Com e on, th is one is a no-braine r. Find out w h at you w ant to be , and th e n do it. D o you w ant to be com e a w e igh t lifte r?Th e n pum p s om e iron. A runne r?Th e n run for it. Sounds s tupid-s im ple, righ t?W e ll,notq uite . M os t pe ople ge t alltrippe d up w h e n it com e s to be com ing s om e th ing. Th e y th ink th e righ t h e ad-to-toe m atch ing outfit w illm ak e th e m a runne r. O r th at th e righ t s w ank y gym m e m be rs h ip w illturn th e m into a h e alth ie r pe rs on. Th e s e are pos s e s s ions , not actions . Th e y w on’ t turn you into anyth ing. Th e re ’ s no s ilve r bul let you can purch as e . Th e y can m ak e th e journe y m ore com fortable. Th e y can re w ard you along your w ay, but it allcom e s dow n to w h at you actually do and w h at you’ re abl e to do ove r and ove r again.
“W h atis a frie nd?A s ingle s ouldw e lling in tw o bodie s .” Ge t a w ork out buddy w ith a s h are d vie w of fitne s s . Th is is th e be s t w ay to m otivate . Find s om e one at your s am e ph ys icalleve l , and s e t a com m on goalbe tw e e n you. Vanity is a vice only w h e n us e d for e vil. It’ s O K th at you’ llrun fas te r or lift m ore if s om e one you lik e and re s pe ctis ne xtto you. Us e itto your advantage .
“I count h im brave r w h o ove rcom e s h is de s ire s th an h im w h o ove rcom e s h is e ne m ie s .” I’ ve s aid it be fore , and I’ ll s ay it again, “@ & %$ Th e Jone s e s !” Cons tantly com pe ting w ith th os e around you is no w ay to live a fulfilling life . It’ llleave you s tre s s e d out and in de bt. Com pe tition is a good th ing, but w h e n it’ s ove r e m pty ph ys ical pos s e s s ions , it can be toxic to your ph ys ical h e alth as w e ll as your re lations h ips . M ak e s ure your am bition is a pe rs onalone , and th e n m ak e a be e line for th e finis h .
“W ith re gard to e xce l lence , it is not e nough to k now , but w e m us t try to h ave and us e it.” It is s afe to as s um e , by th e fact th at you’ re re ading th is , th at you s e e k inform ation about im proving your m e ntaland ph ys icalh e alth . O K , h e re ’ s h ow to s tart. Tak e you’ re h and off th e m ous e . Back aw ay from th e s cre e n and do s om e th ing now .
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“It is th e m ark of an e ducate d m ind to be able to e nte rtain a th ough t w ith outacce pting it.”
A
cid Zen Wonder Paint
STEPH EN H EINTZ AZ W P.NET
Do you m arinate ?
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W h ata big diffe re nce jus ta l ittl e im aginary w e ine r can m ak e .
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Eye s l ove to be pok e d. Th e y cal loutfor itw ith th e ir re tinas .
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ARE YO U SO M E K IND O F ASSH O LE O R SO M ETH ING?!