Choice Magazine Publisher: CNB Publishing Editors: Crash & Burn
Writers & Reporters: Crash Override AKA Corey D. Bayless AcidBurn AKA Erica Lopez Xicano 073 AKA Rick Reggie T. The Frosted Flake Junior Writers: Princess AKA Mariah Hailey Bayless Fonkey Monkey AKA Cynthia Marie Lopez Artists: Crash & Burn Layout & Page Designs: Crash & Burn
IN AFFILIATION WITH CRASH-N-BURN INC.
“I am inspired, and you can be too.” by AcidBurn
The problem with finding your CALLING is not stupidity or bad luck or any other lame excuse that you can make up. The problem is YOU, and your inability to let the voice come to you. Obviously, it will not just show up uninvited, and it definitely will not be written clear and true. The task involves lots of work and faith in your efforts. It will always be darkest before the dawn, and your gift, your inspiration will arrive cloaked in the mist of the morn. It will come when you least expect it and you will have to interpret the sign correctly. Even once it’s handed to you, you can still screw it up. That’s the nature of life. Life was not intended to be easy. The message to take away from this is to understand that your purpose is predisposed inside of YOU and YOU have to give it life to achieve the gifts being given to you. Now don’t get me wrong. This has nothing and everything to do with God. You do not have to believe in God to make this come true. The destiny of your career can only depend on you. The virtues are patience, humility, and resilience. There are a few important steps that need to be accomplished for any good triumph to occur.
One important action is that at least one person needs to tell you that you are wrong, or that you made a poor career choice. This cannot affect your determination or your ideas of self-worth. Also, you cannot let your own failures bring you down. 9
Attn: College Girls By Crash Override Listen up, ladies…In an effort to help you lovely ladies flaunt your loveliness a bit more effectively, I have a few comments. Now to get things started, it’s all about accentuating the positive. If you’ve got it, flaunt it but if not…Don’t. It’s not always about what you wear but how you wear it. I have seen very beautiful girls walking around campus looking ridiculous, yet I have seen girls that (WOW), I mean they know how to work what they’ve got even if they don’t have much (that may sound a bit rough but it’s just honest; that’s all I can be). It bothers me because I know that girls really care about their appearance (and I am a bit superficial; it’s true…well mostly, I’m just honest…if you got it I’ll tell you and if you don’t, I’ll be the one to let you know). Although these girls seem to care about what people think of them, they take very little pride in their appearance (it confuses me too). Here are a few little tips (you know, things to do and things not to do). Butt crack is out…a definite not…don’t show your butt crack (just pull up your jeans). Girls walking around (no matter how cute they are) with their butt crack out because their jeans are slightly larger than necessary is just not cute. The plumber’s crack is just as unattractive on girls as it is on nasty men. The Whale Tail on the other hand is really hot. (Enticing, provocative, yet leaves much to the imagination)…great choice. Any of you who are in possession of a nice round booty, feel free to rock the whale tail as it is a definite turn on (can’t think of any reason for someone to dislike the whale tail) Short skirts can be a toss up. They have to be worn in the proper context (you know, the right mood, weather, style, and show off just what you intend for them to). Girls look really silly when they walk around all day long holding the bottom of their skirt. Short skirts are great, just choose the style and fabric based on the weather (cotton frilly skirts aren’t meant for strong winds and leather wasn’t meant for the heat…common sense right…you’d think so). Girls, just choose appropriately so you look as cute as possible…not silly. Cotton pants are definitely hot…nice, comfortable, lays gently over the body’s natural curves to entice your fellow students to take a look. These pants always give off the impression that you are a fun person who enjoys being comfortable, yet always looks cute. While these pants are a perfect choice, they can be a disastrous one if not used to accentuate one’s best features. Don’t get them too tight (when you can see the fabric stretching, they’re too tight…when you don’t see any of those beautiful curves, they’re too loose). And last but certainly not least, make them match (there is nothing worse than seeing a beautiful girl who is wearing a cute top with a cute pair of pants, yet it appears that she may have gotten dressed in the dark because otherwise she would have never put those two pieces together. Girls, this not meant to be insulting; it is only meant as an aid to assist you in making wiser choices to show off the beauty I know you got. We all have beauty and we all have flaws; let’s make sure the world focuses on our beauty… Please, ladies, feel free to write in with your comments and questions…I look forward to hearing from you.
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Did you know‌? Psychology 101 By Crash Override
PARENTING There are many different ways to raise children and to be perfectly honest it is getting nothing but harder in the society in which our children are growing up in today. It is hard to know what is best and what will be the most effective ways of teaching our children, bonding with them, and raising them up to be everything we know they can be. Here is a chart that explains the 4 different Parenting styles and how they work. Authoritative is the most effective form of parenting, normally giving the children the highest levels of selfesteem, social competence, self-reliance, and achievement motivation.
Parenting Style 1) Authoritative 2) Authoritarian
Restrictiveness (Strictness) High (lots of reasoning & explanations) High but uses force
Demands for Mature Behavior
Warmth & Support
Communication Ability
High
High
High
Moderate
Low
Low
3) Permissive
Low (very easy going)
Low
Low
High
4) Uninvolved
Low (no attention)
Low
Low
Low
There is more information in the 8th edition of Psychology: Concepts and Connections by Spencer A. Rathus. Also feel free to write in with comments and/or questions.
Peppers for 4 By the Frosted Flake
Ingredients: 4 Bell Peppers (any color) 1½ Ground Beef 1 Medium Onion (chopped) 14 oz can Tomato Sauce ¼ teaspoon Cayenne 2 tablespoons Worcestershire Sauce 4 cloves Garlic or Garlic Powder (3 tsps) 28 oz can Crushed Tomatoes 2 cups Monterey Jack Cheese (shredded) Salt & Pepper (to taste) Possible side dishes include corn or carrots and optional salad. Preheat oven to 350° Brown ground beef with chopped onion; season with salt and pepper as cooking. Drain grease and leave meat in skillet. Clean and cut peppers from stem down. Leave stem but remove seeds. Add cayenne, Worcestershire sauce, and garlic to meat. Drain juice from tomatoes and save juice to the side. Add tomatoes to beef; then add ½ cup of jack cheese to the meat and let bind together. Lightly grease a 9x13 cake pan or any oven friendly pot with sides. Stuff the peppers with the meat mixture and place peppers in the pan. Pour left over tomato juice and can of tomato sauce over and around peppers and add ½ of the tomato sauce can of water to the pan. Cover with foil or lid and bake for 30 min. Remove from oven; top peppers off with remaining cheese and return to the oven to bake for 10 min. Remove and let cool for 5 min.
This is a great meal and it just so happens to be my son Jason’s favorite dish. Serve to witness happy tummies.
Do You Ever Just Feel Like You Need a Little Snack? MMMM…Tasty 16
Picture taken by crash-n-burn inc
COMING SOON! STARTING IN 2009, EACH Issue, WE WILL UNVEIL THE NEXT CONTENDOR FOR The ‘She
is Choice’ 2009
DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES? WRITE IN WITH A DESCRIPTION OF YOUR HOBBIES, INTRESTS, OBSESSIONS, OR OTHER ATTRIBUTES YOU FEEL TO BE RELEVANT Also include pictures of yourself and a short paragraph in which you explain why you deserve to be
‘She Is Choice’ 2009 CNB Publishing Attn: She Is Choice P.O. Box 14347 Austin, TX 78761
OPPORTUNITY LOST: Prime time for an independent to capitalize By Crash Override
It has been a long time coming for an independent candidate to actually contend in the presidential race. Until now, no independent candidate has actually had enough momentum or supporters to be taken seriously as a contender. I hope you caught the “until now” part of that sentence as it was the key element in that statement. Many people out there don’t look at every aspect of the political race; they only see what the media wants them to see. Recently, John McCain has been getting somewhat of a freeride while the democratic candidates have been tearing each other apart. While McCain sits back and enjoys his ease into the upcoming race, Hillary and Obama have been taking each opportunity to discredit each other’s reputation over the last several months. Although now Hillary is quick to back Obama, serious time has been lost. The independent candidates always wait until the last second to start their campaign because of lack of funds, but in this case, they had the perfect opportunity to capitalize on the situation at hand. An independent party had the chance to come in and begin their campaign early. They could have started off by attacking McCain while the democrats continued to attack each other. Then after discrediting McCain, it would be easy to move on to taking out the democratic competition. It’s not too late just yet. I mean, in regards to McCain, there is plenty of material there and no one has directed their focus in that direction because everyone has been preoccupied with the democratic race; Hillary & Obama is just so much more exciting; even now that it’s over, the democratic party is still receiving most of the attention (not necessarily in a good light either). Hillary is being commended for her efforts and for maintaining a well fought battle (people lose everyday, but she was a contender). Although in regards to her well fought fight, Hillary is being recognized for her efforts, yet as a democrat, things aren’t as positive in nature. Obama, although he finally claimed the democratic candidacy, he is being somewhat ridiculed for having taken so long to finish Hillary off (not to mention all the dirt that the Hillary campaign dug up on his behalf already that normally would be revealed at a later 19
date. Hillary and Obama have done such a wonderful job of working each other over, that an independent would just add fuel to an already lit fire. It would be fairly easy for anyone to come in and put a pretty good hurtin’ on Obama at this point. Lately he has been somewhat of a running punch line in comic reels and many parodies. Now, to be honest, I am a huge Hillary fan and a large supporter of the Clinton campaign, so I am somewhat glad that no one took advantage of the opportunity that was so obviously right in front of them. Inevitably, she has been eliminated from the race altogether anyways. At the same time, I always enjoy competition, and I like to see politics at the top of its game and this is very simply… …well, its not good politics to just let an opportunity such as this slip away so easily. The independents may never get a chance like this again (who knows maybe it is too late already, but maybe not). There may be a chance for an independent to rise up and be a contender, but it’ll never be this easy again.
1,2,3,4 GET IT, GOOD GOD, HA, HUH HUH, UHHH, AIN’T IT FUNKY, HA By Xicano 073 Have you noticed in the past few years the amount of tshirts being marketed toward the youth featuring boomer rock gods of the late 60s-early 70s? The Beatles, the Stones, Floyd, the Doors, the Eagles. The EAGLES??!!?? Where are the shirts emblazoned with the image of James Brown? I would argue that he’s had more influence on the current state of music than all the rest in the last twenty years. I mean if Hip Hop (in a bastardized form at least) has infiltrated pop music, and Hip Hop would not exist without James, then he deserves to be marketed to kids who missed the boat by 40 years just as much as the previous mentions. And it’s not racism, because you can find Jimi next to all the washed up sellouts and blues thieves. So I don’t have the answer, but I’ve got my shirt. I spent decent coin to buy it online, but now I get to walk around with my dedication to the Godfather of Soul, and more importantly, the Architect of Funk. In a way I should be glad. The less “James Brown” becomes a brand, the more he stays an artist of his time and for all time. Now if only someone would make a Clyde Stubblefield action figure.
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Just a DASH of the Kardashians
By Crash Override
I have chosen to use the Kardashians as an example of horrible parenting. The Kardashians are a huge family that are all successful in their own way. From their late great father, Robert Kardashian, who was a famous lawyer; to the daughters who run their own clothing store called DASH and the many other things that those girls do to earn. They even have their own reality show in which Bruce, their stepfather, attempts to keep them out of trouble. Kim is by far the most successful excluding her father; Kris, her mother, is her manager and gets 10% commission from all her daughter’s gigs. Of course, she advises her daughter to take any and every gig possible.
In an episode entitled “Brody in the House” Joe Francis (Girls Gone Wild) calls Kris (mom) in an attempt to make the girls the spokes models for the new swimsuit line; Kris lies to her husband about the whole trip and takes the girls down to Mexico for the shoot (of course, he would have attempted to prevent this). In this particular episode, you get to see exactly why the other girls aren’t famous. They spend hours in hair and make-up prepping for the shoot and man was it a waste because Khloe and Kourtney still look like crap. Kim is a hottie and looks great. Kourtney tries to argue with Bruce (dad) that they would never do anything that is not classy…DAMN, these girls are so not classy. Bruce and Kim are the only two with any class. Ashley Paige (pro designer) gets so frustrated with these punk amateurs…she says “all I need is Kim, right here,” and it’s true, she just needs those other girls out of Kim’s way. In “Birthday Suit” Kris gets a call from Playboy asking for Kim to do the celebrity issue in December. Kim is really hesitant to pose in Playboy because she doesn’t want to reveal too much (wow, she has morals; smart girl). Her mom (also her manager) convinces her that she won’t have to take off her top. Once they arrive and begin the photo shoot, they attempt to try to get her to take more clothes off. Kris not only doesn’t step up and defend her client (also her daughter) but instead she keeps saying “Kim it looks great, just take it off.” Her mom says how she has always dreamed of being in Playboy, yet when speaking to Hef, she has no idea that Marilyn Monroe was in the first issue (“well, Kim, Marilyn was in Playboy so you should do it too”). First of all, some dream huh, if she doesn’t really know much at all about Playboy. With her ignorance aside, she is selling her daughter. Kris is really something else to do that to her daughter. Not only as her manager, but also as her mom; both of which should have stood up for Kim. 30
VOTE- uhhh… Why? By the Frosted Flake The first I can remember hearing about politics was when I was barely six years old. This was November 22, 1963, the day John F. Kennedy died. I remember crying…everyone was crying, adults, teens, even small children. All of America mourned. This was a terrible blow to the United States. Politics was only for adults; if we walked in the room and it was on television or in conversation, we were told, “Run along; the grown-ups are talking.” They normally didn’t show things like politics on the T.V. until later in the evening when children were more likely to be asleep. In the fifth grade, we had a mock-election for whom we wanted for president. This was the earliest in school that we were introduced to politics. All we really did was pick a name or the name we heard our parents say; we really had no idea who or why. I grew up in the 60s and 70s; I was one of the so-called hippies during the Vietnam War, and I still am today. We were against the war even at a young age; it was very serious to us even as kids. We had so many questions that were unanswered. We tried to speak out the best way we knew how through music, poetry, and also protesting but believed we weren’t heard at all. The feeling to us was that we wouldn’t make a difference. It was very hard to understand why friends, relatives, and other young people were being forced to go to war. Looking back now, I realize that we weren’t even wanted in Vietnam, and it still doesn’t make any sense. All of our soldiers, young and old, went through horrific experiences and didn’t receive any support when they returned home. To us it was unforgivable that our government forced things such as the draft upon us and didn’t take care of the needs of our soldiers, the young, old, and their families. Then there is all the complaining of drugs, drinking, or whatever vices were used by our soldiers to get through this horror. Our generation was beginning to feel like ‘What’s the point?;’ our government doesn’t care so why should we? Our troops are awesome; they should always be honored. They are the real heroes. The Vietnam generation has always been proud, but their
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Drama By Crash Override Have you ever just felt like being someone else? …As if being yourself just wasn’t enough… Drama can be the answer; acting gives you the chance to be something or someone you could never…or would never be in real life. I just recently started acting; now, I am no professional, but I enjoy it just the same. I am merely an amateur participating in some plays organized by my church. It has thoroughly been a great experience, from the chance to get to meet some awesome people on a more personal level to getting some real acting experience. Before this recent opportunity, I hadn’t been in a play since I was about 15 and that wasn’t really very serious at all (it was in summer school). I don’t think I ever really gave actors/actresses in plays as much credit as they deserve before I actually did it myself. It is actually a really difficult task because you have to know all the lines, the blocking (the positioning on the stage), and the timing and feel comfortable doing these things live without being able to do another take (you only get one chance). It is a bit challenging, yet it is such a rush if you let yourself get caught up in it. It was September 2007 when I was first approached to be in a play at the church (where they got the idea that I could act, I don’t know), and it must have been God’s work because I had never even considered doing something like this before (I was a bit too cool to act in a play). I was asked to play the part of Barabbus (for those unfamiliar, he was the criminal that was released from prison instead of Jesus before Jesus was crucified). This play was really cool because it was a story that is somewhat based on speculation; it is the story of how these men and women were affected by Jesus’ death (the entire play takes place only minutes after Jesus actually died). God was also working right with me when I went on that stage because it didn’t even feel like I said my lines up there. I walked on stage (on my cue) and before I knew it, I was walking back off (the same thing happened on my next cue). The actors in the play were all far more experienced than me and man, did it show. They were great. I remember after the play, for weeks, people were coming up to me telling me of what a great job I had done and how much my part had touched them and how much the play over all had touched them. I didn’t feel as though I really had done much to touch them, but it did feel great to hear something like that (God must have been working through me because again, that wasn’t me; He touched them). I have since been asked to participate in other possible acting opportunities and have enjoyed everything I have had the privilege to work on. Although I have done other things since then, the first one will always be very important and memorable to me for so many reasons. It was a serious learning experience, it was a powerful message, and most importantly, I was able to bond with some life-long friends. Acting has also been a very humbling experience (considering I am usually very egotistical). It is a great feeling to be able to work with such great and talented people; it has been very rewarding. I’ll never forget these experiences and memories.
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No Longer a Man’s Game:
The Obsession with ‘My Team’ by AcidBurn ***
I grew up in the Windy City, the great city of Chicago; a city with a cornerstone that rests on the diversion of baseball. My mom was a baseball fanatic and it was not difficult to follow suit. I enjoyed the sport because it gave me something in common with a parent. By just being involved with the sport, it permitted me to learn about many teams involved in the MLB®. However, because I lived in Chicago it was only natural, not to mention convenient, to show devotion to a local team. I had my choice of two teams and selected the Chicago Cubs® as my choice. This also happened to be my mom’s chosen team as well. I considered myself a huge fan, but keep in mind I was under the age of ten. I did try to learn about the sport in general and about the many players involved on ‘my team.’ I also learned about the other key players from opposing teams. As a kid, I liked to get involved in the street games, or a gathering at the local park, just to try my hand at a few of the moves. Now that I am grown, I can look back and see that my devotion, my loyalty to ‘my team’ was very superficial. I had no idea what it meant to have a team and truly admire a sports team and what they represent. Not surprisingly, once I left the area of Chicago at the age of nine, the Cubs® and the sport of baseball became nothing but a happy memory. *** Skip ahead to my high school years. My involvement in sports returns. Now the sport is football and the players are my peers, not professionals. I had had no interest in the sport before that time. It was always viewed as a ‘man’s sport.’ In a way I was only there because I had to be, but I also had a curiosity for the game. With a naturally observant nature, I picked up a lot about the game by simply watching. Some things I thought I understood, like a two-point conversion, only to find out later that I was wrong. Still other aspects, like a safety, I just did not care to find out more about. I learned just enough to make the experience enjoyable. I knew when to cheer and when to be upset. There also came the first sense of a sports rivalry. It’s the feeling you get about another team or in this case a school, which you can’t ignore or explain. You hate this group of people without question or submission. It becomes a natural feeling that actually can build a sense of unity. I felt like I belonged because it was ‘my school’ that was out there on the field. These guys were my classmates and friends. But still, I was unable to experience what it was to belong to a team and admire them because of it. These guys were far from professional and by no means in a position to be admired. They were simply active, athletic teenagers. 38
*** Fast forward to four years ago; I am in college very focused on my studies. I am attending a top ten school in college football, but I begin to take an interest in professional football instead. Like I said earlier, I have already become moderately acquainted with the game and I am interested in learning more. After many games, both regular season and playoff games, I feel quite comfortable with the rules of the game. I begin to evaluate the game on a team by team basis, most likely subconsciously. I, by default, take interest in the Green Bay Packers® because they are the favorite of my boyfriend. I would not say that I have selected a team to be my ‘one and only,’ but I can say that I think I finally understand what it feels like to have a team of my own. This past season of NFL® football, I played along side with my own fantasy football stars. I became personally involved with the players that I had selected. I did not select them with much bias or preference, but they became very important to me as individuals as well as how well they performed on their respective teams. I had good weeks and bad weeks and both affected me strongly. I was rooting for my team players, and when they had a great achievement, it made my team stronger and gave me a sense of pride. I had compiled a good team. I was in possession of great players that I felt were worth admiring for their accomplishments. *** Now, I understand that professional football players are also only humans who happen to have an athletic ability and don’t argue that they are so much more. The admiration is derived from the teamwork and camaraderie that develops in a good, quality team. No team is perfect, but they all have some good points and have enough to justify them being someone’s ‘Team.’
“I became personally involved with the players…” 39
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ESP
…the only way to retain information By Crash Override
It is somewhat odd how no one ever really puts much thought into how we remember things; they normally just take it all for granted (well…at least until the day we all dread… when grandma or grandpa can’t recognize who we are, then of course we contemplate the loss of our own memory). Then when people actually do give it some thought, they highly oversimplify and don’t recognize it for what it really is. The reality is there are three main types of memory.
Episodic memory is the explicit memories of actual events or experiences
that you can recall (big or small). Everything from what you ate for lunch today to what your honey said to you right before you hung up the phone while on your lunch break. All these things regardless of your feelings or thoughts in regards to their relevance are your memories and these things make up your episodic memory. Howard Eichenbaum & Norbert Fortin actually published an article in a 2003 issue of Current Directions in Psychological Science in which they discuss episodic memory and the hippocampus.
Semantic memory is general or common knowledge. The word semantics
is defined as linguistics; the study of meaning or the study of linguistic development by classifying and examining changes in meaning. ‘Common’ or ‘general’ knowledge does tend to vary from culture to culture and of course in different societies, but typically it is things that you just ‘know’. You know what I mean, things like the fact that George Washington was our first president, and Christmas Day falls on December 25th every year. You don’t ‘remember’ these things; you just ‘know’ them.
Procedural memory, also referred to as implicit memory, refers to the
memories of abilities, actions, or attributes. These memories are things that involve some sort of activity such as the ability to ride a bike or drive a car. We have all heard the expression, “You never forget how to ride a bike;” there is some truth to this statement. It really is something that becomes part of your memory and becomes like ‘second nature’. Once you know what your memory really is, some of its mystique does tend to fade. Memory is typically a bit of a riddle to most. Well now that it has been explained and a bit of the mystery is gone, at least you know you’ll remember ESP doesn’t just refer to the paranormal ability of extra-sensory perception.
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WHAT ABOUT SAVING THE Dolphins? (AND THE HOLE IN THE HOZONE?) By Xicano 073 Nowadays, the country is more polarized than ever. Who has done this? Well, each side will blame the other for dividing us, but I believe that this country has never been a “United” State. So how do you engage in intelligent discourse with your fellow citizens without potentially talking to some “militant”? This quick guide will show you the type of people to avoid when discussing each issue. This will leave you with more time to discuss the issue calmly with people who are ignoring you and just waiting for their turn to talk. RELIGION 1. Avoid anyone who, when you use the word “goddamn,” attempt to assault you and call you “Lucifer.” 2. Avoid anyone who, when you use the phrase “oh my god,” begin to slap you in the face for trying to force your god on them. th
SEPTEMBER 11 1. Avoid anyone with grand conspiracies about who did it (the CIA, Israel, Bush, aliens, Iraq, etc.). 2. Anyone who’s glad it happened (they are either soulless or extremely misguided). 3. Avoid anyone who says they wish there was an A-Rab around so they could pipe bomb their house. IMMIGRATION 1. Avoid anyone who refers to undocumented workers as “illegals,” “wetbacks,” or “Messicans.” 2. Avoid anyone who can’t speak English (besides the fact that you may not understand a single word they say, its kind of a safe assumption to know where they stand). WTO/WORLD BANK/IMF You can pretty much engage anyone who knows what these three entities are in an intelligent discussion (unless they run a multinational corporation). DRUGS (inc. drug laws, legalization, etc.) 1. Avoid anyone who refers to occasional marijuana smokers as “junkies.” 2. Avoid anyone who has smoked more than a quarter sack during a twenty minute conversation. RACE (affirmative action, reparations, etc.) Avoid anyone who still uses words like “nigger” and “white devils” (this should be obvious by now). GAY ISSUES (gay rights, gay marriage, etc.) 1. Avoid Southerners, Blacks, Mexicans, religious people as a whole and rappers. 2. Avoid anyone who, when broaching the subject, tries to put their di*k in your mouth (no matter what your gender is). In fact, avoid anyone who tries to put their di*k in your mouth just because you opened it. They need help. ABORTION Avoid anyone who actually brings up the subject (and run like hell). EVOLUTION Let me know when it actually happens (or as Hobbes said “I don’t see any difference”). THE 2000 ELECTIONS Avoid anyone who actually voted for Gush or Bore (I’m sorry but the issues, of voter disenfranchisement and the failures of representative democracy in a two-party state, are too important to be left to the people who actually voted for these nitwits).
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“Christopher” (Columbus Day) By Crash Override
The underlying wisdom from one of television’s hottest dramas is impeccable and sadly overlooked; you must be willing to hear it while you watch… There was an episode of the Sopranos in 2002 entitled “Christopher;” it was entirely based around Columbus Day. The reason I bring up this specific episode is because of the underlying detail that is very subtle throughout the episode and isn’t actually focused on until the very end. Silvio and several other of their partners are angry because they read in the paper of how some Native American Indians are going to be protesting the Columbus Day parade. Sil thinks something should be done; him and the others head over to the protest and get into a huge altercation with the Native Indians. Throughout the entire episode, they continue to try to find dirt on these people so they can blackmail them to stop; needless to say it isn’t getting anywhere. As Tony had tried to get them not to pursue this initially, he was eager to get them to let it go. Finally in the final scene, Tony, Sil, Chris, and Patsy are in the car driving home from an Indian Casino, when Sil begins his rant again about how something must be done. Tony has had enough; “Will you frickin’ stop…group…group.” Sil keeps trying to say that they are attacking the entire group of Italians, and no one suffers like the Italians. Tony finally says, “The fundamentalist Christians, the abused cowboys, the gays, whatever the hell.” I think he said it best when he said, “People suffered.” What the hell is wrong with people and where is their self esteem; people suffered, all people (no specific race, religion, or group). This is ridiculous. The fact is that people suffered and yes, some are still suffering. Those of you out there who aren’t suffering and have never suffered, just Shut Up, Already. I mean damn, when fictional characters on TV have better sense than most of you out there, it’s a damn shame. This is a serious issue that is being dealt with daily; everyone wants to moan and complain about someone who suffered years ago. The fact of the matter is yes, many people were done horribly wrong, and there is really little we can do about it now. It is time for these stubborn, stupid people to just let it go and get over the fact that someone they don’t even know that just so happens to be from the same group as they are suffered years ago. It was horrible, it sucked, but come on…move on with your life already. Learn to forgive and look towards the future…at the very least focus on those suffering right now. Direct that energy to helping them.
“Will you frickin’ stop…group…group.”
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SHE
by AcidBurn
She shut off the lights and walked through the doorway. She turned around and locked the door behind her. As she walked to her car, she fumbled with her keys to move the door key from in between her fingers and get the right key in front. The sun was setting but not quite gone. There were no other cars around but she thought she heard a noise. She looked around; in front, behind her, not a soul. She got in her car and started the engine. ‘Did it just hesitate?’ she thought. No worries. She shifts to reverse and looks over her shoulder and begins to back up out of the spot. Just then a red sports car speeds behind her and she slams on her brakes. They came nowhere close to colliding, but it still made her jump. Again, she looks over each shoulder and continues to back up. She reaches the edge of the parking lot and pulls out into traffic. Rush hour traffic had come and gone and only a few cars still occupy the highway access road. There are two lights before she reaches the on-ramp. The first one is red so she stops and waits. A red Jeep pulls up in the lane next to hers. He has pulled a ways past the white line and practically in the intersection; all she can see of the driver is the back, left side of his head. The road no longer feels so alone. All of a sudden, the Jeep pulls forward. She had not noticed that the light was now green. She presses the accelerator and makes her way through the intersection. The next light was green and she headed through it and up the ramp. By that time she had caught up to the man in the red Jeep and followed him up the ramp. ‘I wonder where he might be going. On his way home like me? Maybe to a bar with his buddies?…There are a few bars this way that my husband likes to go to…Which reminds me, I need to figure out what I’ll make for dinner; probably something simple. Do I have onions at home? Maybe I should pick some up?…No, I’ll just go home and I won’t put onion if I don’t have it.’ The drive home was not a long one but she had to entertain herself because there was no nice view to speak of; only open fields and the random tree here or there. ‘Tomorrow, I have to go to that meeting. I need to talk to that guy in accounting about that overpayment. Hopefully, that won’t take all day. I need to wrap up that assignment.’ She glances in the rearview mirror. In the distance, there is small black car, but in the next lane over is the red Jeep. ‘Is that the same red Jeep? I don’t remember passing him.’ Time has passed quickly with her mind on other things, and she is now only two miles from her exit. She signals to take the exit and moves into the right hand lane. She slows as she comes down the ramp. In the distance, she can see that the light is red at the intersection. Again, she glances in the rearview mirror before she changes lanes. Again, she can see the red Jeep behind her. She turns her attention forward so that she can stop at the line. She looks back in the rearview mirror and the red Jeep is gone. Did it turn off the road? Was it really there, or were her tired eyes playing tricks on her? Out of the corner of her eye she can see the light shift to green. Without hesitation she presses on the accelerator and enters the intersection. She never saw the black van running the light in the opposing cross street.
Five Deadly Venoms By Xicano 073 Five of the best Hip Hop tracks and you’ve probably never heard them. But make no mistake, these are not the best of the obscure, these are some of the best period. Don’t sleep. I tried for some variety in style, region, and theme. More selections are sure to come, as there are now almost thirty years of material that has never been acknowledged by most segments of the culture, or even music scholarship. I’ve always felt so many great artists and simply great songs have been overlooked because we (meaning the Hip Hop culture) sometimes have the attention span of a three year old. This is my first step towards correcting this. Search them out and judge for yourself.
“Looking Through the Eye of the Pig” - Cypress Hill - IV It’s a shame this track appeared after most “real” Hip Hop writers had written Cypress off as an amalgamation of rap/rock and stoner culture, because this is one of BReal’s most insightful and vivid stories. A perfect companion to “Pigs,” which opened their debut, “Eye of the Pig” attempts to deconstruct the mind state of the ‘cop on the beat’ rather than a straight up attack. Similar to a verse from Atmosphere’s “Between the Lines,” the message is, we can have sympathy for what police have to go through without excusing their behavior. B-Real speaks as a seemingly good person who says goodbye to a loving family to roam the streets of L.A. where a bad day is always around the corner: “hookers, hustlers, killers and thieves out on the streets/got my mind warped, just found another corpse on the beat/bound, gagged, raped/I’m frustrated/I hate it/ found a woman in the dumpster, body was mutilated.” He admits he’s worse than a lot of criminals he’s arrested and describes the thin blue line: “IA got an eye on my close friend Guy/for taking a supply from evidence from a bust on a buy/that doesn’t concern me, we never rat on each other/we went through the academy just like frat brothers.” DJ Muggs beat gives the perfect sense of shady dealings with sound effects throughout (including police scanner chatter), lots of hi-hat and wahwah guitar licks. The stress has our narrator sniffing a little coke and contemplating suicide. His wife leaves him, and on the way back to the station to end his shift, he sees a fixed up truck to pull over. He admits he’s having trouble telling right from wrong, and accuses the driver (“Mr. BReal”) of being a drug dealer. As the tension of the traffic stop builds, we sense where this is going. As the track fades out we can just make out the cops words, “You find this funny, get that smile off your face, motherf**ker take this.” 60
“Party for the Fight to Write” - Atmosphere - The Lucy Ford EPs With a title like that, it’s pretty safe to assume we’re discussing Hip Hop’s favorite topic: Hip Hop. With the nod to P.E. and the Beasties, Slug and Ant proceed to analyze what Hip Hop means to them, to their fellow artists and to society at large. Ant’s beat is a simple but effective looped funk bass line on top of handclaps. “But if you like surprises, I know of a party/where they all dance around to your heartbeat/ bring your own agenda, and embrace your flaws/let’s put a face on this common cause.” To Slug and his listeners, Hip Hop is an almost spiritual thing; it’s about finding some inner truth. This stands in contrast to the ‘Get Money’ types who’ve hijacked the culture in the last decade. This idea of being opposed to what the new crop of rappers are doing to the culture, and still being true to Hip Hop (which stands opposed to most of American society in general) is the deeper theme of the song. “…If its done correct, we’ll make more than noise/so pick it up, and pick me up when you’re bored with the toys/As a child, Hip Hop made me read books/And Hip Hop made me want to be a crook/and Hip Hop gave me the way, and something to say/And all I took in return was a second look” Hip Hop is now at a stage where we must battle the negative aspects of our own culture and the parts of American culture that Hip Hop was born in opposition to. “And if I spent anymore time inside my head/I’d probably need some leather straps attached to my bed/ and if I go another day without eatin’ a meal/I’m gon’ show you what it means to keep it real/and if they keep shootin’ guns up and down my block/I swear to god, I’ll be the first one to call the cops” Ultimately, it’s a challenge to the mainstream from the underground to use our power for something greater, “well alright, get your money right/but right now tonight, I want you to pick a side/so when you got your power and you got your cheddar /let’s get together soldier/overthrow this hold/and make these roads better.”
“A Bird in the Hand” - Ice Cube - Death Certificate Coming off of one of the most well known albums in history, it may be an odd choice for this list, but sometimes things hide in plain sight. For all his ranting about ghetto violence and Uncle Sam’s hand in it, Ice Cube doesn’t come as close to the brutal economic truth of America than he did on “A Bird in the Hand,” a song of just over two minutes. The more controversial or just plain violent tracks overshadowed this one in my younger days, and it wasn’t until I got older that I appreciated it for the power of Cube’s narrative. Starting off with a sample of Big Bird’s voice and immediately shifting to a looped blues wail, it’s a perfect example that the duality of American life (harsh poverty, but privileged by world standards) is found most striking within the Black community. “Fresh outtta school, cause I was a high school grad/gots to get a job cause I was a high school dad/wish I got paid by rappin’ to the nation/but that’s not likely, so here’s my application.” Cube’s character wishes he was a rap star, but the reality of his situation has forced him to get a job. Unfortunately, it’s less than ideal: “Always knew that I would clock Gs/but ’Welcome to McDonalds may I take your order
please’/Gotta serve ya food that might give you cancer/cause my son doesn’t take ‘no’ for an answer/ now I pay taxes that you never give me back/what about diapers, bottles and Similac.” He eventually decides that slaving for low pay or waiting for a handout aren’t options and acquires a ‘bird’ (kilo) of coke and becomes the neighborhood dealer. He knows he is considered scum by society, but theorizes that “…I used to be cool/’til I stopped fillin’ out my W-2,” and if the politicians got their cut, there’d be no problems. Cube closes the song out with lines that are as relevant seventeen years later as they were in 1991, “…we don’t wanna drug push/ but a bird in the hand, is worth more than a Bush.”
“Me and Jesus the Pimp in a ‘79 Grenada Last Night” - The Coup Steal This Album Nowhere is the celebration of pimp culture more prominent than in the Bay Area. Though it is now rampant in Hip Hop, and indeed pop culture itself, Oakland has always been the epicenter thanks to “The Mack” and, of course, Too $hort. But another Oakland son, Boots Riley, decided that a pimp story rooted in the realities of the game was something that was sorely lacking. The Coup are known for being deeply political, but this track, while being socio-economical, steers clear of politics for the most part. Boots speaks as the son of a prostitute who is picking up his mother’s former pimp, Jesus, from jail. The scene is described so well, it really is a testament to the cinematic qualities of rap: “philosophy that he spit/stuck in my memory chips/and now he puttin’ in a disc of Gladys Knight and the Pips/and then that s**t start to skip/he said ‘somebody must’ve scratched it’/put the 40 to his lips, and poured the contents down the hatchet…clunked the 40 on the flo’ and placed his palm on the dash/ and we ease out ‘come on man, make this motherf***er mash’/ain’t gon’ mash too fast, cause my tags ain’t right…” The chorus has Glen Goines asking Oakland if they want to ride on the Mothership which on any other song about pimping would be celebratory, but here it is transformed into a sad longing. The live instrumentation (including harp) music perfectly compliments a boy’s heartbreaking story: “there’s beauty in the cracks of the cement/when I was 5 I hopped over them wherever we went/to prevent/ whatever it was that could break my mama’s back/little did I know that it would roll up in a Cadillac/and matter fact/she couldn’t see him like a cataract/ and on the track/she went from beautiful to battle ax/and back at home/she would cry into her pillow, vomit in the commode/I was six years old/I would crawl into her lap and we would hug and hold/never knew how she was suffering for my food and clothes.” This reworking of Funkadelic’s “Cosmic Slop” concludes as Boots recounts how Jesus beat his mom to death in front of his eyes for disrespecting him: “she didn’t even have the strength to say ‘I love you, boo’/but I said it to her, and she knew that I knew.” Fifteen years later, and we’re back in the Grenada with Jesus and Boots, who had stayed in touch with the pimp through letters. First to set him up, but now conflicted because he had no one else once his mom was gone. In the end, the pimp’s game comes back to haunt him as our story ends with Boots getting justice for his mom and closing the book on the pimp named Jesus.
My Precious By the Frosted Flake My closest friend is named Precious. She watches TV with me; she stays by my side when I’m sick or feeling down. She’s typically by my side in everything I do. She’s there to protect me, yet it’s my job to keep her out of trouble. She has a beautiful black and white coat. She has beautiful green eyes that sparkle at times. If you haven’t already guessed it; she’s my cat. She’s my companion. She follows me around no matter what I do; from room to room she’ll go as I do my daily tasks. When leaving the house, even just to throw the trash, I must reassure her I’m coming back as she’ll wait by the door for my return. Now, I know some people will claim their pets watch television, and I totally relate because my Precious does; she’s even picky about what she watches. Oddly enough, she enjoys court TV and cartoons; you can tell because she’ll stare at the TV and pay close attention like a small child. When I watch CSI or a funny movie, she’ll curl up next to me as if to pay attention, but its clear court TV and toons are her favorite. If I out anything else on, she’ll walk away or go to sleep. She’s rather demanding in regards to the TV as while I’m gone it must be left on so she won’t feel alone or she’ll be cranky when I get back. She has her own toy box full of excitement, noise, and so much more. Like a child, she has collected kitty toys from friends and family. At times, she will just rummage through until she gets board or till she finds what she wants. Other times, she will dump the entire box over and lay in the middle of her toys. Sometimes she will climb inside and sit there; I sort of wonder what she’s thinking. If ever I cry, she’ll climb on my shoulder or on the couch near my head and look at my face. She’ll sniff my nose and lick my cheeks. She tries to console me in her own way. It’s cute cause she thinks she’s my mom; I don’t think I could convince her otherwise. She’s such a girl; she’s really moody and always gets what she wants. She’s cautious about sharing me with others or meeting new people. It’s cute when she wants her special treats, she’ll pace the kitchen floor, continue meowing, and stare at the pantry until I give it to her. She knows when it’s that time. After all is said and done, the day is over and she’s had her adventures; she climbs into bed and curls up under my arm and nuzzles my neck till she passes out.
So that’s “My Precious.” Now that you’ve met, I hope you have someone in your life that is that special. I wish I could put into words, but I just love her too much for words to express. 67
Suppressed Common Sense By Crash Override
What is the purpose of textbooks?; apparently many people don’t get it. I mean really take a second and think about it. I was under the impression that it was to educate. There are many subjects that are studied in school from Science to English to Economics. Although History is a subject all in itself, if you really give it some thought, aren’t they all an element of History? In Literature, you learn about the earliest writings. In all forms of Mathematics, you are always taught the longest possible way from point A to point B before you ever learn the shortcut. In Government, you start at the beginning, the basics, or the fundamentals. So I ask, Why does everything start at the beginning? Now, as they say, history repeats itself; the reason we learn so much history is so we know were we have been. Knowing where we have been gives us the ability to better understand where we are going. This is true in relatively everything. We can’t disregard any history because every piece of history teaches something else that we otherwise wouldn’t understand; by leaving something out, we’ll never know what we are losing. When it comes to history, even the wrong answers are important because it gives perspective on why we have come to the conclusions that we have. Even things that are scary or controversial are important to remember because these stories teach us something different. Dr. Sigmund Freud was a genius; he is sometimes written off as too much of a radical or too far gone to make sense. Many people don’t want to accept that the things that he said could be true; many don’t even actually hear the things he said, they just buy into the hype of what they think Freud is all about. My point here is that many people have actually attempted to get Freud’s teachings banned from scientific textbooks because they believe him to be unscientific and therefore not credible. Well to be honest, when it comes to psychology, there are a lot of uncertainties; there are many things that we just don’t know, many of which, we research and just make the best possible conclusion based on the research and tests that are done. Regardless of whether people agree or disagree, people must recognize that these theories exist if for no other reason, just to ensure that, as history proves, people will not inevitably make the same mistake again. Anyone who wants to study psychology has to understand the importance of covering all the bases, so to speak. If they leave anything out, there is a chance that something they actually are trying to understand will be overlooked. For instance, if you are attempting to study humanism, but neglect to study behaviorism, it takes things so far out of perspective, that you really have no basis for your opinions anymore. You don’t need to agree with everything you research, but you must not neglect being familiar with other theories and ideas; you must never forget that although some may be controversial, they are all relevant. Now, to be fair, yes there are many students that take psychology because they see it as an easy grade or just because they find it interesting but never really taking it 69
seriously. That’s fine and understandable; many don’t really get what it’s all about. But in the essence of fairness, they must be held to the same standards as the students who are taking these courses seriously. Now that we have gotten that all out of the way, let’s get to the real issue; the many that attempt to ban Freud’s teachings are fairly uneducated in the subject and have no business getting involved in issues that don’t affect them. Fact of the matter is that Freud not only was a genius, but he was way ahead of his time. He was the first to acknowledge many things that others would ignore or just flat out discount. Before people try to write him off for being a little out there, they should take into context the era in which he was alive and the environment in which he was conducting his studies and research; they should also do a little work and research of their own in an effort to understand his actual theories and findings before attempting to get him banned. Oddly enough, most frequently, it is the uneducated that actually speak in issues such as this one. I have taken it upon myself to conduct thorough research in this particular area, and these people are wrong…for several reasons.
How Many Psychologists Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb? Only one, but it has to want to change. (Psychoanalysis; a method of treatment founded by the great Dr. Freud.)
70
Vote with a Write-In: Make Your Vote Count
By Crash Override
Conformity at its best and individuality at its worst… Voting…a chance to get your voice heard…be an individual…take part in choosing your president. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem to be as effective as one would think. The problem tends to be that when it comes to voting, people don’t cast their vote rationally. Typically the incumbent has the greatest odds of winning. Many times, when it comes to voting, people tend to go with a winner, and others attempt to vote for the underdog just on principle without actually considering the issues, facts, and hundreds of other things that should be considered when placing their vote. People are constantly just “going through the motions” and not really putting enough thought into their vote. It’s ridiculous to think that it is constantly pounded in our heads by the media and politicians that our vote counts and that our vote is “our voice” and it is how we get heard. Now some speculate that this is a bit of a cliché and more of a gimmick than actual truth because of the way the system is designed.
Now, keeping that in mind, why don’t we as Americans send a message to everyone in Washington and across the country that the two primary candidates are not the only people that we can vote for. You hear everyday, people say well I had to vote for one of “them” otherwise I would be throwing my vote away because it won’t count for anything… Well, while there is some truth to that statement, there is some serious oversimplifying in that as well. If you vote for an independent or you writein your vote, your vote will not get this person elected. (Now I thought carefully about how to word that statement because I contemplated using the word probably before the word not but then many of you would think that I am being unrealistic) It’s true that it may one day make a difference, but that day is not today. It is more important to vote on principle and on the issues that are involved rather than conforming to a democrat or a republican. It is not always that simple, nor does it need to be forced into something as simple as right or left, blue or red, republican or democrat… …winning or losing. This is what it normally comes down to; I know many of you won’t admit it. Somehow you will justify the vote that you cast, but somewhere deep 73
inside you will know that you settled. Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way condemning you for your actions. We all do it, even the best of us. At some point in our lives we all have settled for something less than we deserve and just tried to justify why we did. Society makes us feel that this is what we have to do at times but it’s wrong; we don’t have to. The same people that designed this flawed system that we know as voting, gave us an easy out, a way in which we don’t have to conform. The write-in… Now, I know what you are thinking, I am the one who just said that your vote would amount to very little if used for a write-it. Every single election, the write-in is utilized, but for all the wrong reasons. Every election Mickey Mouse somehow gets 1% of the vote; individuality at its worst and a sad display of a wasted youth. This is something that should be taken more seriously. People, band together and make your vote count. Get your voice heard!! This election coming in November, vote for who ever you want to win. Vote based on principle and the issues. Completely forget about who is on the ballot and let it be Your Voice, not their’s. Initially, Gore was leading in the polls and he even stated that he wasn’t running, now it may not be the best idea to vote for someone that claims they will not take the position but your vote would not be wasted, it would be cast as your voice. Those who were initially giving their support to Gore did not waste their efforts; their voice was heard. Although Gore is not running and will not run, they made a choice to speak out honestly for the person that they felt was best for the position. That is what all of you must do when you walk into the polling booths in November. Take a stand and refuse to conform; vote for the best possible candidate regardless of whether or not you find their name on that ballot. If all Americans out there could come together and cast their vote regardless of the names on the ballot, we will be able to actually say “Our Voice” was, is, and will be heard. Hear me when I tell you that our time is now; America needs a voice. It’s the voice of the people…let’s make a difference and demand that we be heard. I plan on making My Voice count. I, personally, am a serious supporter of the Clinton Campaign, and whether or not she is on that ballot, I’ll be voting Hillary in ’08.
“The same people that designed this flawed system that we know as voting, gave us an easy out” 74
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INDEX:
Food: Chemical of the Month…………………35 Monkey Food…………………………...51 Peppers for 4………………………....…16
Fun:
Topics: Business: Business 101 ……………………….…..27
Children: Dave & Churro.………………………...78 Dave & Churro 2……………………….80 Hillary Voted to be President………..…81 I Don’t Wanna Grow Up……………….76 Magic Carpet Ride…………………..…79 My Little Brother Liam………………...80 Phat Flicks…………………………...…82 Samantha & Miley…………………..…79 The Kitty Powder……………………....81 The Sea World Rides…………………..81
Creative Writing: How Do You Turn a Phrase………..…..47 I’ll Always Love You…………………..66 Inspired…………………………………..9 My Precious………………………...…..67 No Longer a Man’s Game……………...38 Once Again Cartoons Have All the Answers………………………………...32 She……………………………………...59 Words Written by 073…………….……11
Education: Chemical of the Month…………………35 Suppressed Common Sense…………….69 The One That Made the Difference…….75
Family Life: Family……………………………….….31 How Do You Turn a Phrase……………47 Monkey Food………………….………..51 My Precious…………………...………..67 Peppers for 4……………………………16 Sunny Day Any Day……………………40
Fashion: Attn: College Girls……………………..12
Chloroform Parody……………………..28 Drama…………………………………..36 Fishy Fishy……………………..………51 Forever Nikki……………………….…..29 Once Again Cartoons Have All the Answers……………………………...…32
Home & Garden: Botany 101……………………………...29 Don’t Need a Green Thumb………...….75 Sunny Day Any Day……………………40
Parenting: Did You Know……………………...….15 Getting Kids to Eat………………..……11 Just a Dash of the Kardashians…………30
Poetry: I’ll Always Love You…………………..66
Politics: Hillary Voted to be President………..…81 Misuse-en-scene………………………..43 Opportunity Lost……………………….19 Our Soldiers………………………….…48 True American………………………….65 Vote- uhhh… Why?................................34 Vote With a Write-In……………...……73 Will You Please Stay Off My Frigging Grass…………………………………....26
Pop Culture: 1,2,3,4, Get It, Good God, Ha, Huh Huh, Uhhh, Ain’t It Funky, Ha…………20 A Comic for All Generations……….….22 A Generation Lost……………………...53 Ah, to Be a Bird……………………..….22 Emo is Garbage…………………...……37 Five Deadly Venoms…………...………60 George Carlin………………………..…23 Gotta Give a Shout Out…………...…....29 Hot List……………………………..…..56 Just a Dash of the Kardashians…………30 Just My Flavor……………………….....52 Misuse-en-scene………………………..43
Phat Flicks……………………………...71 Phat Flicks (Junior Writers Division)………………………………..82 Show About Nothing…………………...14 The Conductor………………….......…..23 The Ultimate Trilogy War……………...21
Psychology: Did You Know…………………………15 ESP……………………………………..46 The One That Made the Difference…….75 Suppressed Common Sense…………….69
Religion: Drama…………………………………..36
Science: Chemical of the Month…………………35
Sports: No Longer a Man’s Game……………...38 The Packers After Favre……………..…27
WOW!: Christopher……………………………..55 Crash Course Advice Column………….24 Dear Microsoft………………………….14 Is There a Line Drawn in the Heroin…...63 She is Choice…………………………...17 Take My Wallet and Give Me How Much You Think I Should Have……….41 What about Saving the Dolphins (and the Hole in the Hozone)…………….…..49
From the pen of…
Princess:
AcidBurn:
Hillary Voted to be President………..…81 My Little Brother Liam………………...80 Phat Flicks……………………...………82 Samantha & Miley…………………..…79 The Kitty Powder………………...…….81 The Sea World Rides………………...…81
Chemical of the Month…………………35 How Do You Turn a Phrase……………47 Inspired…………………………………..9 No Longer a Man’s Game……………...38 Phat Flicks……………………………...71 She…………………………………..….60 The Conductor………………………….23
Crash & Burn: Chloroform Parody……………….…….28 Crash Course Advice Column………….24 Hot List………………………..………..56 She is Choice………………………...…17
Crash Override: A Generation Lost……………………...53 Attn: College Girls……………..……....12 Botany 101…………………………..….29 Business 101 …..……………………….27 Christopher………………………….….55 Dear Microsoft………………………….14 Did You Know……………………...….15 Drama…………………………………..36 Emo is Garbage……………………...…37 ESP……………………………….……..46 Forever Nikki…………………………...29 George Carlin……………………..……23 Gotta Give a Shout Out………………...29 Is There a Line Drawn in the Heroin…...63 Just a Dash of the Kardashians…………30 Just My Flavor………………………….52 Opportunity Lost……………………….19 Our Soldiers……………………….……48 Phat Flicks……………………….……..71 Show About Nothing……………..…….14 Suppressed Common Sense………….…69 Take My Wallet and Give Me How Much You Think I Should Have……….41 The One That Made the Difference…….75 The Packers After Favre……………..…27 The Ultimate Trilogy War……….……..21 True American……………………….…65 Vote With a Write-In………………...…73
Fonkey Monkey: Dave & Churro……………………...….78 Dave & Churro 2…………………...…..80 Magic Carpet Ride………………...……79 Phat Flicks………………………...……82
The Frosted Flake: A Comic for All Generations…….....….22 Don’t Need a Green Thumb……...…….75 Family……………………………….….31 Fishy Fishy…………………………..…51 Getting Kids to Eat…………………..…11 I’ll Always Love You….……………….66 Monkey Food……………………….…..51 My Precious……………………...……..67 Peppers for 4……………………………16 Phat Flicks………………………….…..71 Sunny Day Any Day……………………40 Vote- uhhh… Why?................................34
Xicano 073: 1,2,3,4, Get It, Good God, Ha, Huh Huh, Uhhh, Ain’t It Funky, Ha…………20 Ah, to Be a Bird………………………...22 Five Deadly Venoms………………...…60 Misuse-en-scene………………………..43 Once Again Cartoons Have All the Answers………………………………...32 Phat Flicks……………………………...71 What about Saving the Dolphins (and the Hole in the Hozone)………….……..49 Will You Please Stay Off My Frigging Grass…………………………………....26 Words Written by Xicano 073………….11