5 minute read
Alopecia Journey
author - Kristen Vaccher
My story begins 19 years ago when I lost my hair. I remember the first time I noticed the shedding. I was taking a bath and after soaking for a bit I sat up and all around me there was hair. It was a gut wrenching feeling to see all this hair floating around me and knowing something was very wrong.
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The next couple of weeks and months were a blur, full of going to the doctors, getting referred to a specialist and switching to a silk pillowcase. I remember picking up the hair that lay all around me at the end of class and getting special permission to wear a bandana in school. There were always kids who whispered and looked at me with pity. Not knowing anyone else who had this issue made it hard to deal with as I had no one to talk to about it. I hoped that my hair would come back one day and I wondered how to find options to help. People around me didn’t know what to say other than “everything will be ok” and “I am sure it will grow back someday.” I was left asking myself, “What if it doesn’t?”. Eventually I saw a dermatologist who explained there are three different types of Alopecia: 1. “Alopecia Areata” - losing patches of head hair. 2. “Alopecia Totalis” - complete loss of head hair. 3. “Alopecia Universalis” - no hair anywhere on your body. Throughout my life, I have experienced all three. I now have an undefined type of Alopecia (I like to call it Alopecia Weirdalis), as I don’t fully fit into any of the 3 types. To this day, I cannot tell you why I started losing my hair and continue to experience hair loss. The dermatologist told me we could start a regime that would grow my hair back. Of course I got my hopes up thinking, “Yes, ok there is a solution!”. I tried her suggested medications (prednisone pills, steroid shots and Rogaine cream), but it didn’t end up working due to unhealthy side effects. Next, I investigated different treatment options, like laser therapy, special shampoos, naturopathy, and even contemplated another specialist’s idea to actually cultivate eczema onto my head. Finally, after years of trying almost everything and feeling like a guinea pig, I decided I am done trying to get my hair back, as I would get a little bit of hope and then BAM it would fall out again! I couldn’t take the rollercoaster of emotions. The constant battle to cure an incurable disease is not one that I wanted to face any longer. I retreated inside myself never wanting to talk about my hair loss with anyone. If someone from my family would ask about it, I would give a short answer and change the subject. New friends didn’t know because I hid it so well. Even though I had given up treatments I still didn’t want to admit I was never going to get my hair back.
I have heard, “it’s just hair” and “at least it isn’t cancer”. While these things are true, there is a reality of feeling so alone not knowing how to navigate a path forward in a world that is all about appearances. It has taken me so long to feel ok with not having hair and accepting that my hair may never grow back. Throughout my experience with hair loss, I have learned a lot about myself and life, like confidence, strength, and the ability to keep going no matter what. My focus now is to help other people who may be losing their hair. I wish someone, who had a similar experience, would have been there for me telling me it’s going to be okay and that having hair doesn’t define you. YOU define you!
I’m sharing a little piece of my story so anyone out there who is experiencing hair loss and reads this article will know that they are not alone. To varying degrees, we all struggle. It is about finding the positives in life and loving yourself. For me, there are pros to having no hair. I can be ready in way less time in the morning, because I can style my hair and put it on a stand and the style lasts for days. I can easily change my hairstyle whenever I want. I never have to shave my legs. Honestly, in life without hair, I have been able to truly experience relationships on a deep level for the people that I let close to me. My family was there for me throughout all of it and continue to be today, they are always rooting for me no matter what. A special shout out to my mom who is super strong and through her encouragement and brave face pushed me to be the confident person I am today. I have a truly amazing husband who has been with me for 16 years cheering me on, supporting me in everything I want to do and letting me be me. I am one of the lucky ones to have found my person very early on. I have also developed greater inner strength and confidence. There is no one way to get through to the other side and it took me years of shame and hiding but I finally got here, and I am stronger for it. You must find the way that works for you. For me, it was the people I surrounded myself with, trying to learn something from each bad experience, and learning to laugh through the pain. For more information on me you can follow me on Instagram @alo.peaches or check out my new podcast called Those Bald Chicks - 3 girls talking about our daily lives with Alopecia!
Love to All, Kristen Vaccher
