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Preface
T
. .his curriculum guide is intended to provide teachers at the 9th grade level to the . 12th grade level with an integrated plan for infusing a character education program into their language arts literacy curriculum. It will help their students develop strong character traits in the art of personal relationships. It is a tool designed to help the student to improve thinking skills and to understand concepts that will give him or her the ability to apply these relationship skills in a practical environment. The examples used throughout the book are based on a knowledge of the subject as well as the personal experiences of the author. As the student learns these lessons and applies them in his or her every day life, they are infused with moral and ethical values that will influence and help them throughout their lives. This interaction with their parents and family members will not only improve relationships with them, but will also impact on their behavior in school, on the job, in sports and in other areas where interaction with others is a part of their lives in a civilized social environment. Americans live in a culturally diverse society, therefore having an understanding of relationship concepts is important. If such concepts are learned at an early age, they can be applied throughout their lives in every area of endeavor where one has to deal with people, whether on the job, at home, in school or wherever interaction with people are involved. When learning the techniques of upward management in a classroom setting, students can apply what they learn when dealing with their parents, family members, relatives, friends and others. In the process of learning such techniques, the students are helped to view concepts and solve many relationship problems that confront them on a daily basis. For years, educators have acknowledged that character education is an important and relevant subject that should be taught in the classroom. By introducing personal relationship concepts in a classroom setting, activities can be used to allow the students to respond more positively when instructions are personalized and actively engaging through discussion of the students life experiences, especially when it come to family members. The principles and concepts learned through discussions of the subject matter and the role playing through practical class exercises will enhance the students capacity to reflect on what has been learned, thus making it a practical part of their relationship in dealing or working with others. This course helps the students develop their vocabularies through a comprehensive treatment that provides them with a knowledge of key terms to bring more understanding to their reading and discussion of character development. There are also skill building lessons that will enable the student to practice a variety of thinking and communication skills needed for resolving relationship problems, thus helping them implement the information learned from reading and class discussion of the text...
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Askia H. Bashir
HOW TO MANAGE YOUR PARENTS (Without Manipulation)/Teacher’s Edition
Copyright 2005, by Askia H. Bashir Published by KYD Publishers Bilalian Productions Incorporation Atlanta, Georgia 30310 Library of Congress Catalog number 95-82178 ISBN 0-9650628-2-1 All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the Publisher
Printed in the United States of America For information on this book, write or call us at Bilalian Productions Incorporation, KYD Publishers, 401 Hillside Drive S. W., Atlanta, Georgia 30310 (404-752-8877) between 9:00 A.M. and 6:00 P.M. EST
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(Without Manipulation)
CurrICuLuM guIDe • TeaCHer’s eDITIon
How To Manage Your ParenTs
asKIa H. BasHIr
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Table of Contents
acknowledgements............................................................................ Preface ........................................................................................ notes To The Teacher ........................................................................ How To Manage Your Parents, resources ..................................... reading strategies ............................................................................. Content summary .............................................................................. CHaPTer
1
vi vii viii xi xii xiv
The Concept of upward Management............................................ 1
Corporate.Management 5.Principles.of.Managing.Your.Parents A.Win–Win.Outcome
student activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 3 CHaPTer
2
Parent and Child ................................................................. 10
Defining Parent and Child Revealing Studies and Trends The Four Strategy Statements A Proactive Way Ways To Improve Rapport
student activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 12 CHaPTer
3
In the Beginning
Begin by Forgiving .................................................................. 21
student activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 23 CHaPTer
4
accepting Total responsibility ......................................................... 26
Stop Blaming Others CHaPTer
5
Communication ...................................................... 29
Sending Your Message General.Rules.for.Listening Some Good Points to Remember Kinetics
student activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 31
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Table of Contents (con’t) CHaPTer
6
Managing ................................................................. 42
What is a Manager How to Begin Management Manager’s.Role Characteristics of a Good Leader Change Disturbance Signals The Three Phases of Negotiation Overcoming Objections
student activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 44 CHaPTer
7
understanding Your Parents ........................................................... 60
Identifying Behaviors Some Good Advice Parent Classification Ways to Help Your Parents The Three R’s Recognizing and Managing Stress
student activity workbook Questions & answers ......................62 CHaPTer
8
strategies for Managing.......................................................... 70
Learn From Mistakes Space Asking
student activity workbook Questions & answers ......................71 CHaPTer
9
Personal Development ......................................... 78
Help Self First
student activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 80 CHaPTer
10
goal setting & Time Management ................................................ 86
How to Set Them, How to Achieve Them The Smart Formula Steps.for.a.Plan.of.Action Time Management
student activity workbook Questions & answers .................... 88 CHaPTer
11
Becoming a Favorite Child ........................................................ 98
Being a Special Child The Polite Advantage Children and Phone Calls
student activity workbook Questions & answers ....................100 v
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Table of Contents (con’t)
CHaPTer
12
Maintaining a good relationship.................................................116
Know What to Do and How to Do It A Rule to Remember
summary ..............................................................................................121 epilogue ...............................................................................................122 glossary ...............................................................................................123 Index .....................................................................................................128 general Bibliography........................................................................138
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Notes to the Teacher Lesson Plans
4 Step Lesson Plan with Student Activity Workbook Questions and Answers SteP 1, StArting the LeSSon Identifies the main objective Provides a variety of before reading activities that involves the students in : . . •. Motivation activity:.Activating.prior.. . knowledge. . . •. Think about what You Know: Asks summary questions about what the students learned after reading the text. . . •. study the Vocabulary: Students look up new words and concepts using the text and glossary.
SteP 3, cLoSing the LeSSon Provides answers to textbook questions to check students’ comprehension . . •. Think and write: Elicits students’ response to what they have learned in an over-all perspective from the text. . . •. Focus Your reading: Lesson focus ques. tions.. . . •. optional Discussion Questions SteP 4, teSting Student LeveL Examination assignments in the Student Activity Workbook Student Activity Workbook questions and answers provided for the teacher in the curriculum guide. . .
SteP 2, deveLoPing the LeSSon read and Think questions from the text to aid student comprehension through: . . •. reading • Discussing • Thinking
Lesson Plan summaries The “Lesson Plans” in this curriculum guide should be used in class as much as possible. Using them as a guide will not only get greater student participation, but they will also give the student new ideas when taught from the teacher’s perspective and experience. As stated in the “Introduction,” this is not only a course on how to improve relationships, but it is also a good education in developing one’s character as well as teach good core values that can have a positive effect on the student. In introducing the student to the subject of “managing parents,” the positive and negative effects of manipulation should be explained to them. Manipulation can be used deviously to control or influence others or it can be used in a positive way to motivate or encourage others. These lesson plans should be used to discuss openly in class as much of the text material as possible. Using such a method not only get greater student participation, but it also give students new ideas and ways that will help them in their personal development. Not only will these lessons help the students improve their relations with their parents, family members and others, but they offer a good educational format for developing the students’ character. v
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Strong character traits which are taught throughout the text can be developed by studying these concepts and by applying them in a practical way through interacting with others socially or otherwise. The lessons contained within the text are based on widely accepted core ethical values, which include: truthfulness, trustworthiness, caring, responsibility, patience, respect, fairness, modesty, forgiveness, empathy and sensitivity for others and self-control. Emphasis should be on the “three ways” to communicate ideas (p. 30), and “Becoming Skilled in Communication,” (p. 31). After listing these points, the author spells out the many ways the student can successfully develop the skills of communication effectively.
Chapter 1, “The Concept of upward Management,” (pp. 1-9), is a subject that every student taking this course should understand if they are to become successful in influencing others in a positive.manner. The Concept of Upward Management introduces the student to a method that can be used to manage their parents in a constructive and positive manner. It also teaches the “5 Principles of Managing Your Parents,” (p. 5) and how to go about applying them. Learning and applying these principles will have a strong psychological impact on the student’s way of thinking as they go through this course. The principles and skills learned not only apply to “Upward Management,” but are also useful for “Downward Management,” when used in leadership roles, whether in the military, business, sports, group meetings, etc.
Chapter 6, “Managing.” (pp. 42-59) Once the student knows the role of a manager (p. 44), the process to develop management skills is more likely to be learned. Because a manager has a great deal of responsibility, reference should be made to Chapter 4 (Accepting Total Responsibility, p. 26), and how it relates to becoming effective as a manager.. This chapter also deals with the important subject of “change” (pp. 50-53) which brings about an attitudinal way of thinking. Another important skill that is taught in this lesson is the “art of negotiation” (pp. 55-59) which is an invaluable tool for anyone who assumes any form of leadership role in life, whether it is a parent or otherwise.
Chapter 2, “Parent and Child” (pp. 10-20) explains the danger signals that can destroy the relationship between parent and child. It also addresses the negative influences that can affect relationships. “The Four Strategy Statements” that help to develop a proactive attitude and rapport with parents will be focused on in this chapter.
Chapter 7, “understanding Your Parents (pp. 60-69).” In this lesson, students learn the different approaches parents take in directing the lives of their children. Whether it is autocratic, democratic or laissez-faire (pp. 64, 65), the student can identify which form their parents take in guiding and disciplining them. This lesson also teaches the student how to deal with difficult parents. Perhaps one of the most important lessons learned in this course is the problem of “stress” (pp. 68, 69), and how it can be of a positive nature when understood. Many children do not know how to deal with stress, and when this is so, it sometimes leads them into destructive habits, activities and sometimes suicide.
Chapter 3 & 4, “Begin By Forgiving,” and “accepting Total responsibility” (pp. 21-28) are combined and should be studied in conjunction with each other. The process of “forgiving” should be emphasized as well as the social and psychological benefits derived from doing so. In “Accepting Total Responsibility,” the emphasis should be on the term “responsibility,” and the need to be responsible. Chapter 5, “Communication” (pp. 29-41), is a skill that is a necessary tool the student must learn in order to be effective in every aspect of life.
Chapter 8, “strategies for Managing” (pp. 7077). This section of the lesson teaches the student x
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the importance of being persistent, and being able to motivate self, their parents and others.
Sample Lesson Plan
Chapter 9, “Personal Development” (pp. 7885). This chapter gives the student several ways upon which to make improvements in their personal development, both mentally and physically, with emphasis on the importance of meditation and physical exercise (pp. 78-81). The importance of teaching the student how to maintain a positive state of mind about self is very important if there is to be an attitudinal change. (See p. 80, “As a man thinketh, so is he..., also pp. 81-82).
chAPter
2
Parent and child objectives
1.
explain the parent’s role and responsibilities. 2. give a detailed description of a dependent as a subordinate, relying on someone for help and support. 3. explain the importance of showing respect for one’s parents
Chapter 10, “goal setting and Time Management” (pp. 86-97). The importance of goal setting and time management are explained in this chapter, as well as the specifics . The “SMART” formula which consists of five steps (pp. 88-90) gives the student the necessary tools to go about goal setting.. The 10 steps (pp. 88-93) show the student how to achieve those goals. The subject of “Time Management” (pp. 94-97) is a prerequisite to the setting of goals and a necessary tool for conducting one’s life’s.affairs.
1
StArting the LeSSon
Motivation activity •. Ask students to tell of their experiences
in which they observe their parents unselfishly providing help and assistance to them. • Ask students what impact has social relations with their peer group had as an influence in their way of acting and thinking. • Explain to the students several ways in which they can damage their relationship with their parents. pp. 12, 13 . ans: Hangi ng out and sociali zing with people who are a bad influence and always involved in some kind of trouble. secretly hiding your activities and friends from your parents whom they do not approve. Drinking alcohol, possessing or using drugs. Having behavioral problems in school. Having
Chapter 11, “Become a Favorite Child” (pp. 98-115). This chapter focuses mainly on ways to do things that can bring about favoritism. One of the important factors is “The Polite Advantage” (p. 104), which is a lost factor among children today. The purpose of being “reliable, credible” and “responsive,” (pp. 106-107) are important lessons. Perhaps one of the most important rules in this lesson is on page 115 which states, “Your Parents Are Always Right.” Chapter 12, “Maintaining a good relationship with Parents” (pp. 116-120) is an extension of chapter 11, yet it gives some advice that will help the student in any relationship as stated on page 120, “A Rule To Remember.” ...............
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“How To Manage Your Parents” Resources
Chapter 1
– The Concept of upward Management (pp. 1-9)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 2 – Parent and Child (pp. 10-20)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 3 – Begin by Forgiving (pp. 21-25)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 4 – accepting Total responsibility (pp. 26-28)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 5 – Communication (pp. 29-41)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 6 – Managing (pp. 42-59)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 7 – understanding Your Parents (pp. 60-69)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 8 – strategies for Managing (pp. 71-77)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 9 – Personal Development (pp. 78-85)
Chapter 10 – goal setting & Time Management (pp. 86-97)
LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
Chapter 11 – Becoming a Favorite Child (pp. 98-115)
Chapter 12 –.Maintaining a good relationship (pp. 116-120)
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LeSSon reSourceS curriculum guide-Lesson Plans Workbook-Teacher’s edition, textbook & glossary
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Character Education “Shall we just carelessly allow our children to hear any casual tales (movies, rap, MTV, music, violent video games, etc.) which may be devised by casual persons, and to receive into their minds ideas for the most part the very opposite of those which we should wish them to have when they are grown up.” –Plato
Why teach character education?
importance of character education
Character education is much more than just learning ethical concepts. If it is to be effective, it must be put in a practical and useful environment such as the family and in the institutions of learning. It is the application of these concepts in the environments of family and school that it can have the greatest impact on the student. Of course there is no better place to learn these lessons than in the home. Unfortunately, in many homes such lessons are not taught. Since this is the reality, the school is the next best place to learn how to be courteous and respectful to other members of society. The teaching of character education inside an educational environment is a way for the teachers to share with the students stories of ethical dilemmas and the moral dilemmas of others. Through such interaction and discussions with their peers, parents and teachers, the students learn to apply and appreciate the values and obligations put upon them as they grow and develop.
Character education is especially important in this day and time because of the popular culture of movies, music and television which attack societal norms of right and wrong. If we fail in matters of character development, the values of the popular culture become the values of the students. And because character development has been lacking in the educational institutions, teen pregnancy, violence, drugs, hate crimes, gangs and even suicide has almost reached epidemic levels.
the educational environment There is no better environment for students to learn and practice such things as core ethical values and proper conduct than in school. Therefore, success of this curriculum depends on the cooperative efforts of the teachers, parents and the community. Once the material of character education is read, analyzed and actualized in practice, the student will develop the ability to identify and utilize the values learned within the classroom, and these values become useful tools throughout the rest of their lives whether at home, school, on the job or wherever they may be.
Purpose of character education The purpose of character education is to provide the student with the knowledge and skills that will stimulate or develop the mental and moral development of the student. It is through the educational process that the student receives the information on how to develop the emotional, intellectual, ethical, and moral qualities to become responsible and productive. Character education provides the student with the knowledge to have respect for those things beyond self. It helps the person to decide the best and proper way to live one’s life. It forms the total human being to be able to critically reflect on their life and actions. It raises the student’s consciousness as an individual to have respect for others as well as for their property.
Methodology in teaching The method and strategies used to teach the students determine how the students response to what they have learned from the text. For example, in the “Think and Write” sections, the students reflects on what they have read by answering critical questions given to them. . Reading makes more sense when students know why they are reading, and especially when their reading has purpose. You can involve students in setting the purpose for their reading or you can provide the reason for reading by providing a question for them to keep in mind. x
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These lessons and strategies are structured on a sound literacy base that is designed to help the student to become a successful reader and writer as they progress in their development as an individual. Thus, it is important to know and understand how the teacher and their students interact with this curriculum, and the kind of impact these lessons have on the lives of the students, as well as on the teacher, both inside and outside of the classroom.
thinking Skills
are sharpened when students use the pictorial graphic as it is related to the subject
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How To Manage Your Parents (Without Manipulation) .
makes it easy to use “Before-reading strategies.” •Carefully worded titles and headings provide a sense of the lesson content, prompting students to preview and make predictions. •a variety of highly appealing visuals and captions and thinking skill questions provide a highly motivating way to get all students, particularly reluctant readers, to preview and make predictions. •Think about what You Know questions and Motivation activities help students activate prior knowledge. •Key new vocabulary words are thoroughly developed: identified before each lesson, highlighted in some cases and defined in the glossary, and assessed in tests.
for more reAding StrAtegieS look for •Thinking Critically •read and Think •write and Think •Discussion Questions •review Questions
•Focus Your reading questions help students establish a reading purpose.
thinking Skills To get students to think clearly, show them how to organize information. An easy way to do this is the use of the visual graphics in the text as it relates to the subject matter. Students who learn how to use graphic organizers become more aware of their own thinking processes. x
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Content Summary chapter 1 The Concept of Upward Management
chapter 7 Understanding Your Parents
Introduces the students to a method that teaches them how to influence their parents in a positive and constructive way.
Focus is on how to deal with difficult parents and how to deal with the problem of stress.
chapter 2 Parent and Child
chapter 8 Strategies for Managing
Increases the students’ understanding of the negative and positive aspects that can improve or destroy relationships.
Encourages the student to be persistent and to be a motivator of self and others.
chapter 3 Begin by Forgiving
chapter 9 Personal Development
Deepens the students understanding of the process of forgiveness and its psychological benefits.
Shows students how to make improvements in their personal development, both physically and mentally.
chapter 4 Accepting total Responsibility
chapter 10 Goal Setting and Time Management
Encourages the student to become responsible and proactive rather than being passive when it comes to taking on new or old tasks.
Student learn the specifics of how to set goals and to manage their time using a formula and 10 steps on how to achieve their goals.
chapter 5 Communication
chapter 11 Become A Favorite Child
Stresses 3 ways to communicate and how to develop the skills of an.effective.communicator.
Focuses on ways to bring about favoritism by being polite, reliable, credible and responsive.
chapter 6 Managing
chapter 12 Maintaining A Good Relationahip
Focus the students’ attention on responsibility in order to become.effective.as.a.manager.
A summary of the previous chapters, giving the students’ advice that will help them in all relationships.
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chapters’
3&4
21
3
BEGIN BY FORGIVING & ACCEPTING TOTAL RESPONSIBILITY Objectives
1. Learning to forgive. 2. Know some of the influences that programs a person’s way of thinking. 3. Explain the importance of forgiving. 4. Learn of the negative consequences of negative thoughts. 5. Learn how to be responsible for parent/child relationships. 6. Learn how to take the initiative between child and parent.
Begin by Forgiving After studying this chapter, you should be able to: • Know how to forgive • Know the importance of forgiving • Know the benefits of forgiveness • Make changes in your life • Know some of the influences that program your way of thinking • Know the consequences of negative thoughts • Get rid of negative thoughts
IN THE BEGINNING Considering what you have read so far, you may be asking yourself, “This is all great, but how do I begin?” When you ask this question, you are definitely on your way. You have arrived at the most important step, the beginning. Begin with the concept of reprogramming your mind for positive and good changes. The decision to change is the beginning. Say to yourself, “I want the relationship with my parents to be better than it is.” Say, “I will improve my relationship with my parents and I forgive them.” You must have the desire, NOTE: Chapters 3 and 4 are very the will, and a determined mind to succeed with mom and dad. short chapters. Therefore, they should be considered as one lesson and studied as one chapter.
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STARTING THE LESSON
Motivation Activity • What important decision must be
made to reprogram one’s mind to bring about a positive change in his or her life? p. 21 Ans: The mental decision and desire to change. • Why is forgiveness of others important in one’s life? pp. 22, 23 Study the Vocabulary (Con’t) verbal responses. Ans: Forgiveness is the glue that re• Students answers should include pairs relationships. It heals the hurt Ans: Depression, n. In psychology, such responses as: (a) Removing or and allows the recovery process to a neurotic or psychotic condition, letting go of unpleasant memories or begin if one has been hurt or disapmarked by an inability to concenbad experiences. (b) Having angry or pointed by someone. trate, and feelings of dejection and negative thoughts becomes a burden • Ask students do they understand guilt. To lower in spirit, feel dejected. to one’s mind. (c) Having negative what forgiving oneself entails. pp. Melancholy, sadness, downheartedthoughts prevents positive thinking 22, 23 ness, low spirits. or good thoughts. (d) Good mental Reprogram, n. Changing one’s mind Ans: Forgiving oneself closes the development is determined by the door on past wrong, mistakes, etc., to a different way of thinking. thoughts one has. and allows the person to consciously Forgive, v. To pardon. To excuse for start with a new beginning a fault or offense. To renounce anger Study the Vocabulary or resentment against. To accord forThink About What You Know • Have students look up the definition giveness. Absolve, make allowances • Question the students about the paraof the following words from this lesson for, disregard, overlook. graph on page 24, sub-titled “The in the glossary: depression, reprogram, • Ask students to use each word in a Forgiving Process and Results.” Get forgive. sentence.. 21
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DEVELOPING THE LESSONS
Read and Think
NOTE: Use the questions below to help students understand why forgiving has many positive effects on their mental state of mind. 1. Ask students: What benefit do you gain when you forgive someone who asks for your forgiveness? NOTE: Student answers should reflect independent thinking. See page 23, “Forgiving Others.” Ans: Forgiving others can release the pain and anger within. It brings about a self-healing whether the person you forgive is a friend or someone with whom you have had little relationship. Forgiveness frees you from negative thoughts which in itself can be destructive to good mental health. It allows you to let go of the past, and move forward with your life. 2. How do you begin by forgiving? p.21 Ans: Begin with the concept of reprogramming your mind for positive changes. The decision to change is the beginning. 3. Why do parents sometimes get upset with their children? p. 28 Ans: In most instances, it is because they are disappointed in them because they are not living up to their expectations, or their feelings are hurt by their child’s behavior. 4. How can you improve the relationship with your parents? p. 27 Ans: Take the initiative to change negatives into positives, and accept full responsibility for improving the relationship.
How To Manage Your Parents
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The mind is the mechanism that determines your behavior, feelings, and desires. It is said that “As a man thinketh, so is he.” Your mind is where you will start to make changes. You come into the world as an empty vessel. You are taught how to do almost everything. When you are taught, this means that you are trained or programmed by someone or something in a direct or indirect way. You receive formal training from your first teacher – your mother, and then from your father. You continue to receive formal training from teachers and instructors in your schools, colleges and universities. You receive informal training through your interactions with other human beings and the environment. In fact, some people think that radio, television and video games are contributing more to your mental programming Mother teaching children than schools, colleges and universities. Asking for Forgiveness Forgiveness is an important first step in managing your parents. We have been told that it is good to forgive, but seldom advised that the act of forgiveness can relieve us from stress as well as reduce our thoughts and feelings of hostility. Real forgiveness is not difficult. In fact, it is much easier to forgive than to hold a grudge. But there is an essential condition. You must be willing to give up your sense of condemnation. You must cancel out with no mental reservation what you think and feel was done to you. When we find it hard to forgive, it is because we enjoy our sense of condemnation. We get a morbid satisfaction from it because as long as we can condemn another, we can feel superior to the person we are condemning. In nursing a grudge, many people derive a perverse sense of satisfaction in feeling sorry for themselves. When we really forgive, we are not doing someone a favor or showing off our righteousness. If you want to relax and enjoy peace of mind, you must learn to bury grudges. You must become a forgiving person. Forgiving Your Parents The next step is to forgive your parents. Forgiveness is the glue that repairs relationships. Forgiveness is better than punishment because forgive-
Thinking Critically Think and Write (Con’t) • Who is responsible for the quality of the young man who felt that he did Focus Your Reading not have a good relationship with his • What are the results of forgiving and family relationships. p. 27 mother, what was the main cause of the poor relationship? Ans: After giving some thought to the matter, he realized that it was his behavior that was the cause of his mother’s being upset with him. 1. What are some of the consequences CLOSING of negative thoughts? p. 24 THE LESSON Ans: Negative thoughts can produce poisons in the body, increase stress, Think and Write cause high blood pressure, ulcers, 1. In the example on pages 27 and 28 of depression and other diseases. Ans: The quality of the relationship rests equally on both sides. The parent and child relationships are complimentary. Both are bound together with obligations and commitments.
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accepting total responsibility for your own condition? p. 25 Ans: It destroys the roots of negativity in your mind, and puts you in control of yourself. Thus, you can truly say, “Free at last, free at last...” Repeating the mental exercise, “I forgive my parents, others and myself” reinforces the understanding that you are in control and responsible for your own destiny by lettting go of the negative thoughts of the past.
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DISCUSSION QUESTIONS NOTE: Tell students to re-read the section on page 24, titled “The Forgiving Process and Results” after discussing the following question. 1. Explain why holding on to negative thoughts, such as bad experiences and memories can cause unhappiness. p. 24 Ans: It is unnatural to be angry or unhappy. Unhappy or angry thoughts about someone cause your mind to think about things that cause your unhappiness. Your mind has to think about the negatives in order for you to feel negative or unhappy about a particular person or thing.
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ness heals the hurt. Forgive your parents for every bad, evil, stupid mistake or thing they have ever done to you or others. It is said, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” Forgiving your parents allows the healing and the recovery process to begin if you have been hurt or disappointed by your parents. I want you to take one minute and repeat to yourself over and over again, “I forgive my parents.” You may have some doubt about whether or not this process will actually work, especially if you do not have a good relationship with your parents. Nevertheless, repeat this exercise at least five times a day whenever you can for thirty days. You will begin to feel better almost instantly. Remember, you are responsible for your relationship with your parents. Focus on forgiving, being positive, proactive and successful. Forgiveness is a balm that heals relationships. Let go of the past and allow healing to take place within your family. Forgiving Others
You will also need to forgive others. This can be very challenging. I TESTING STUDENT LEVEL know there are some people who may have done some terrible things to you. OF UNDERSTANDING TEXT Remember, forgiveness is better than punishment if forgiveness corrects the NOTE: The following exercises are
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from the Student Activity Workbook. • Have students answer openly PART A, Word Recognition. p. 7 • Have students write the answers to the Review Questions on pp. 8-9, 10 • Have students do Part C of the True and False statements on pp. 8 & 9 • Have students do the Optional Activity on page 9.
situation. Forgiveness releases you from your pain and anger. When you forgive, you are healing yourself. When you forgive others, it does not mean that you have to be their friend, or ever have anything to do with them. You do not have to be around them and you don’t have to tell them that you forgive them. It doesn’t matter if they are aware or not of your clemency. It only means that you are free of those negative thoughts which are counterproductive to your mental health. Forgive them and let go of the past so that you can move forward with your life. If you have done something in your life to offend and hurt others, it may be best that you apologize to them at a time or place when it is appropriate. This provides an opportunity for others to forgive you. To be forgiven by others is also important. So, apologize to others for your wrongdoing or mistakes. Forgiving Yourself
STUDENT ACTIVITY WORkBOOk Questions & Answers
Finally, forgive yourself. Yes, forgive yourself for every evil, bad and stupid mistake or thing you have every done in your entire life. You finish Part A-Word Recognition (Con’t)
Part A-Word Recognition (Con’t)
or offense. ter to the answer in the space provided. Students can use the text and 4. Apologize Ans. b. A statement of acknow–ledgea dictionary for this exercise. “BEGIN BY FORGIVING ment asking pardon or expressing regret Column A (Answers) for a fault or offense. To make regretful & 1. Depression acknowledgement of or excuse for a Ans. c. In psychology, a neurotic or fault or offence. ACCEPTING TOTAL psychotic condition marked by an inability to concentrate, and feelings of 5. Burden RESPONSIBILITY” Ans. a. Something difficult to bear dejection and guilt. To lower in spirit, emotionally or physically. A responfeel dejected. sibility or duty. 2. Reprogram Ans. d. Changing your mind to a dif- 6. Responsibility PART A–WORD RECOGNITION Directions: Students are to match the ferent way of thinking. Ans. j. Being responsible. Something for which one is accountable. Perterm in Column A with the correct de- 3. Forgive sonal accountability. Ans. e. To pardon. To excuse for a fault scription in Column B and place the let
chapters’ 3 & 4
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Part A-Word Recognition (Con’t)
7. Initiative Ans. h. The power, ability or instinct to begin or follow through energetically with a plan or task. 8. Positives Ans. g. Measure or moving in a direction to increase, progress, or forward motion. 9. Complimentary Ans f. Something that completes, makes up a whole or bring to perfection. 10.Mutual Ans. i. Having the same relationship each to the other. Directed and received in equal amounts. Possessed in common.
PART B–REVIEW QUESTIONS 1. How do I begin by forgiving? Ans. Begin with the concept of reprogramming my mind for positive and good changes. To change is the beginning. p, 21 2. Where do I first start making changes? Ans. My mind is where I will start to make changes. As the saying goes, “As a man thinketh, so is he.” p. 22 3. Name some of the influences that you are trained or programmed by? Ans. Teachers, parents, interactions with others, radio, television, video games, etc. p. 22 4. Why is it important that I forgive my parents? Ans. Because forgiving allows the healing and recovery process to begin. As it has been said, “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” I should focus on forgiving, and repeat at least five times daily for at least thirty days, “I forgive my parents.” pp. 22, 23 5. Why should I forgive myself? Ans. In order that I may have a new beginning. pp. 22, 23 6. What are the benefits of asking forgiveness for my parents, others and myself? Ans. It will relieve me of negative thoughts that can affect my happiness and thinking. p. 24 7. What are some of the consequences of negative thoughts?
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this important process by forgiving yourself, which then allows you to have a new beginning. The Forgiving Process and Results When you ask for forgiveness, forgive your parents, forgive others and yourself, you are letting go of the ugly, unpleasant and unnecessary burdensome memories or bad experiences that stop you from being happy. It takes a tremendous amount of effort to be unhappy, or angry with someone. In fact, it is unnatural to be angry or unhappy. Being happy is easy and effortless. If you are unhappy or angry with someone or about something notice what you are thinking. Your mind has to think about the negatives in order for you to feel negative or unhappy about a particular person or circumstance. Holding on to bad experiences and memories is like driving your car with the brakes on. You can and will make some progress, but your brakes, engine, transmission and other systems in your car will eventually be destroyed. If you hold on to the ugly past or negative thoughts, it will eventually wear down your body and mind. Holding on to negative experiences is also like wearing ankle weights. Ankle weights place stress on the legs and weigh them down. Even though you can step, jump or even run, your movement is slower. Your reaction time is slower. You use more energy and strength to perform routine leg functions. When you remove the ankle weights, it feels as if you can walk freer, jump higher, and run faster. When you remove negative experiences from your life, it is as if you have taken off unnecessary weight. By removing the unnecessary weight, you remove a burden that pulls you down and restricts you from exercising your full potential. Negative thoughts and grudges will disappear if you just forgive others and let go of negative experiences. If you continue to hold on to negative thoughts, which actually produce poisons in the body, the result may be stress, high blood pressure, ulcers, depression and other diseases. Forgiving and the Challenge You are probably thinking that forgiveness is easier said than done. How do you get rid of negative thoughts, experiences and grudges? Imagine Part B-Review Questions (Con’t)
PART C–TRUE OR FALSE.
Ans. Removes burdens that can affect my full potential. Negative thoughts 1. Blaming others for your unfavorable condition improves your self-image. can produce poisons in the body, Ans. False. Blaming others denies me increase stress, high blood pressure, the opportunity to become the best ulcers, depression and other diseases. that I can become. p. 26 pp. 24, 25 8. How do I get rid of negative thoughts? 2. Children are responsible for fifty-one percent or more of the quality of famAns. Forgiving and accepting total ily relationships. responsibility for my own condition and actions removes the thoughts of Ans. True. p. 27 negativity. pp. 24, 25 3. Parents become upset when their chil9. When I have mastered exercising fordren do not live up to their expectagiveness, what positive feeling will I tions. p. 28 experience? Ans. True. p. 28 Ans. “Free at last, free at last.” p. 25 24
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OPTIONAL ACTIVITY
Using the Vocabulary Directions: Have students fill in the blank spaces with the correct term.
1. He has been in a state of depression ever since his parents separated. 2. I know it will relieve a burden from my mind if I forgive my mother for what she said to me. 3. I know I will have to reprogram my mind if I want to have a better way of looking at things. 4. You have to take the initiative if you want to get something done that others have failed to do. 5. My mind was relieved of a heavy burden when I forgave my sister for misinforming my parents about my after school activities.
Begin by Forgiving
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tivity as a tree with roots, trunk, branches and leaves. In order to kill any part of that tree, you just simply cut off the supply of food to that tree. Forgiving and accepting total responsibility for your own conditions and actions cuts out the roots of the tree of negativity. This will be challenging. You may have to grit your teeth and say with feeling to yourself, “I am responsible. I am responsible. I am responsible,” over and over again until you stop blaming others for your circumstances. Taking Conrol of Yourself Accept total responsibility for your destiny and let go of the ugly past right now! Practice the mental exercise of repeating over and over again, “I forgive my parents, others and myself.” This mental exercise will reinforce the understanding that you are in control. Then, you can truly forgive and stop blaming others for your lack of peace and happiness. You can accept and become fully responsible for your success in life. By beginning to use this mental exercise, you will be well on your way to managing your family relationships. And finally, when you master exercising forgiveness, you will feel as did Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.; “Free at last, free at last, ...”
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NOte tO teacher: this chapter’s activities have been combined with those of chapter 3 26
How To Manage Your Parents
4 Accepting Total Responsibility
After studying this chapter, you should be able to: • Accept being responsible for parent/children relationship • Describe how to improve relationships with your parents • Know who is to blame for poor parent/child relationship • Explain that blaming others will not change circumstances or condition • Take the initiative to improve the relationship between you and your parents
STOP BLAmING OTHERS You may have heard the song that said, “Don’t blame it on the sunshine, don’t blame it on the moonlight, don’t blame it on the good times...” Blaming people or circumstances for your condition only denies you the opportunity to become the best you can be. Think of situations where you may have refused to accept total responsibility. Usually, these situations caused your parents to be disappointed because of your irresponsibility.
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Accepting Total Responsibility
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You may feel your parents are always telling you what to do. Perhaps it’s because you have not taken the initiative to direct yourself and the relationship. Accept total responsibility. Take the initiative to change the negatives into positives and they will stop telling you what to do. Accept full responsibility for the relationship and you will see immediate progress. Who’s responsible? After examining relationships between children and their parents, I have come to one clear understanding. Children are responsible for fifty-one percent or more of the quality of their family’s relationships. The parent/child relationship is complementary. Parents and children are mutually bound together with obligations and commitments. You will learn to accept more and more responsibility for managing your relationship as you refine and practice your skills. The Need To Accept Responsibility When I question people about who is responsible for problems in the parent/child relationship, I get interesting answers. When I asked children, they invariably said the parents are to blame because they don’t listen or take them seriously. When I asked parents, they said the child is not behaving, therefore, it is the child’s fault. Children are of the opinion that parents are in control of everything. On the other hand, parents expect their children to do what they tell them to do. Thus, no one is taking responsibility and the relationship gets worse. You might be thinking that things are really bad between you and your parents and you may not believe you can ever have a good relationship with them. You might think that if you did accept the challenge to create a better relationship, it wouldn’t last very long. There are too many problems, too much bad blood, too many things that have been done to you and too many things that you have done to them. And anyway, why should you be totally responsible for the relationship? I interviewed a young man about his relationship with his parents. I asked him how well he got along with each parent. He indicated that his relationship with his father was okay. However, his mother was not as understanding as his father. I asked him to explain. He said, “When I come in late
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How To Manage Your Parents
from a party or someplace, she gets mad and jumps all over me. When I don’t do well in school, she gets upset. I can get into a little trouble and she’ll just go off!.” Stop and think I asked him to stop and think for a moment and give me some ways he could have improved the situation. At first, he continued to blame his mother for the negative condition of their relationship; I repeated the question, “What could you have done to make the situation better?” Slowly, he began to understand. He realized that his behavior was the reason his mother was upset with him. When questioned, he began to think differently. He said, “I should have been back at the time she expected me to be back. I could have called her to tell her I would be late or asked her if I could stay out longer,” he admitted. “What about your grades in school?” I asked. “Should your parents expect for you to do well in school?” He replied, “Yes” I asked him, “Do you have a problem in learning?” He quickly responded, “No.” I then said to him, “Then tell me, what could you have done to make your situation better?” He answered, “I could have completed all of the work assignments that I was expected to do. I could have completed them, but for some reason, I didn’t.” I continued, “What about your getting into trouble?” He said, “It was I who got in trouble each time. It was my mother who was concerned about my getting out of trouble, and caring for my future.” He then said, “I now see what you are talking about.” Why Parents Get Upset Why do your parents get upset with you? In most instances, it’s because you disappoint them by not living up to their expectations. Or you hurt their feelings. How would you react if you were the parent? You would probably be disappointed too if you didn’t get what you expected. In each of the young man’s situations where he described his mother as not understanding or getting upset, he admitted his actions provoked her. Remember, people react to the way they are treated. Their reaction may or may not be what you expected. So be careful how you treat others.
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