To The Moon Delve Deeper Packet

CREEDE REPERTORY THEATRE Delve Deeper Study Guide

TO THE MOON

by Beth Kander Directed by Betty Hart

Dramaturgy by Lynde Rosario Edited by Kate Berry Content Advisory: This study guide discusses elements of domestic abuse.

For Domestic Violence support, visit www.thehotline.org or call 800-799-SAFE (7233)

719-658-2540 / creederep.org

“Pow! Right in the Kisser!”

The Honeymooners and How We’ve Normalized Domestic Violence Historically, The Honeymooners began as a six-minute sketch on the DuMont Television Network and then as one of the featured sketches beginning in 1953. The two main characters were working-class spouses, Ralph and Alice Kramden. The show ran for one season comprising 39 episodes.

On The Honeymooners, Ralph Kramden had several catchphrases solely for his wife, Alice. Fed up with her misgivings about his latest get-rich-quick schemes he would often lean in, raise his fist and shout “One of these days, Alice – Pow! Right in the kisser!” In 1987, The New York Times ran an opinion piece referencing the catchphrase as an example of America’s insensitive and uneducated attitude toward domestic violence, saying that “to rationalize a punch in ''the kisser'' is to deny a crime.”

The threat of domestic violence was a recurring theme in The Honeymooners. In late 1955, at the height of the show’s popularity, an article in TV Guide examined the frequency and popularity of such threats of spousal abuse in the show and asserted that ‘‘viewers apparently keep dialing in to find out if Ralph actually will crank up and let Alice have one ‘Pow! Right in the kisser!’’’ An analysis of audience response concluded that with shifting gender roles in postwar America, men looked to characters like Ralph Kramden to uphold patriarchal authority and dominance over the home and finances.

The Honeymooners attempted to contain and resolve its depiction of domestic conflicts over the rights and resources of consumption with humor and pathos. Inevitably, the couple ended violent arguments by gradually sliding into fits of uncontrollable laughter and embracing one another. Ralph would look at Alice and utter one of the show’s other stock phrases, ‘‘Baby, you’re the greatest,’’ before the scene faded out.

The 1987 New York Times opinion piece had been written in response to the death of six-year-old Elizabeth Steinberg at the hands of her illegally adoptive father, Joel Steinberg. It was found that Steinberg’s partner, Hedda Nussbaum, had also suffered severe physical abuse in the household. The author of the piece writes, “The routine and the laughter [the show] elicited reflected wide public insensitivity to the violence that continues as terrible reality in millions of households.” This makes clear the fact that domestic violence, in any form or depiction, is nothing to laugh at.

Laugh Tracks The sound reminds us that what we're watching isn't real, creating an emotional distance between us and the characters, so we can more easily laugh at them. "The function of comic distance in comedy is to give us permission to laugh at characters experiencing unfortunate conflict, comic conflict ... and the laugh track is part of that tradition," explains Dr. Marty Murphy, a specialist in comedy narratives from Western Sydney University.

"All these things give us comic distance. All these things reduce our emotional involvement with characters and signal permission for us, unconsciously, as the audience, to laugh," Dr. Murphy says.

What is Abuse?

Domestic or relationship abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to gain or maintain power and control over a partner, which can manifest in a number of ways, and there’s usually more than one form of abusive behavior occurring in abusive relationships. In addition to physical and sexual abuse, some abuse (emotional and verbal) is much harder to see, even when it’s happening to you or someone you know.

Psychological Aggression Psychological aggression refers to verbal and behavioral acts that are intended to humiliate, criticize, blame, dominate, isolate, intimidate, and threaten one's partner. The reasons people don't discuss it more are lack of proof, gaslighting, and shame. Unlike physical aggression, psychological aggression doesn't often leave visual signifiers like bruises, so documenting proof is more difficult. The aggressors will often use gaslighting as a tactic to place doubt that their behavior is cause for concern. And, sadly, when the aggressions are accomplished, many feel so shameful they will never share their experiences.

Gaslighting Gaslighting is when emotions, words, and experiences are twisted and used against a person, causing them to question their reality.

This can be a very effective form of emotional abuse, because once an abusive partner has broken down the ability to trust one’s own perspective, they may be more vulnerable to the effects of abuse, making it more difficult to leave the abusive relationship. It’s important to note that gaslighting may not happen right away. It can happen very gradually in a relationship.

After experiencing these abusive patterns, one can find themselves feeling more confused, anxious, isolated, and could lose all sense of what is actually happening. In order to overcome this type of abuse, it is important to recognize the signs, and to trust oneself again. Since gaslighting can make it difficult for someone to feel like they truly remember what happened, it can be helpful to document proof of the incident(s) in order to rely more on the evidence.

The “Boiling Frog” Metaphor This unscientific premise is simple: if a frog is suddenly put into a pot of boiling water, it will jump out and save itself from impending death. But, if the frog is put in lukewarm water, with the temperature rising slowly, it will not perceive any danger to itself and will be cooked to death. Since the frog is only slightly uncomfortable with its warm surroundings, it keeps trying to adjust and get accustomed, making itself believe that the slow, gradual change in temperature is normal. Only when the slow change suddenly starts accelerating does the frog realize it just signed its own death warrant.

It has already lost its strength to jump out!

Most of us become so comfortable and used to our current situation (the lukewarm water) that we don't even recognize the need to escape from it (the gradually increasing heat).

Mah-Jongg: A Brief History In To the Moon, the character of Debra talks frequently about the game of MahJongg, a 19th century Chinese parlor game. It is a betting game that requires matching domino-like tiles into rummy-like patterns.

The game was popularized by businessman Joseph Babcock, an American who had traveled to China with Standard Oil. He patented an American version of the game with its current (and curious) double-G spelling. The game became immensely popular with the general American public in the roaring ‘20s, with close ties to flapper culture and a love of anything that smacked of the exotic East.

By the end of the 20s, Mah-Jongg’s popularity was fading, except among Jewish women. In 1937, a group of 200 women, all Jewish, formed the National MahJongg League. Its popularity remained through World War II with many women finding community with each other in their weekly games while their partners were off at war. It is still popular with many Jewish women today, who grew up seeing their mother’s and grandmother’s playing, and decided to take it up themselves.

Like many other traditional games, there are a wide variety of forms of Mah-Jongg which makes things somewhat difficult for anyone trying to find the definitive set of rules.

A group of women playing Mah-Jongg in the Catskills, 1960

The Impact of Domestic Violence Across Communities In Black Communities More than 40% of Black women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, according to the Institute of Women’s Policy Research’s Status of Black Women in the United States. In comparison, 31.5% of all women will experience domestic violence. A report from the National Center for Victims of Crime found that 53.8% of Black women had experienced psychological abuse, while 41.2% of Black women had experienced physical abuse.

In Latinx Communities The fight against domestic violence is an uphill battle. Latinx women and children oftentimes face additional barriers due to institutionalized discrimination, cultural barriers, and demographic factors. The #1 cause of death in Latinx women 44 and under is homicide. Over half of these homicides are committed by a former or current intimate partner.

In LGBTQ+ Communities While abuse among LGBTQ+ people (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer or questioning “plus”) occurs at the same rates and in similar ways as their heterosexual peers, they may face forms of abuse or barriers to accessing support specifically based on prejudices against their gender expression or sexuality.

In Rural Communities Isolation—emotional, physical, and economic— can be a factor in why some victims stay in abusive relationships; the geographical circumstances of rural living can exacerbate this factor. For rural victims, these abuser behaviors may be compounded by the realities of rural living such as lack of phone service, public transportation, health care and emergency response systems.

In Religious Communities Religious beliefs are extremely personal and can have a powerful influence on a person’s life. A rich religious or spiritual life can provide meaning and purpose, as well as comfort and hope during dark moments. Unfortunately, in an abusive relationship, a victim’s religious beliefs can be used against them. Abusive partners will often use the “divorce is a sin” tactic to keep a victim ensnared in a marriage.

In Jewish Communities Domestic violence occurs in Jewish families at about the same rate as it does in families of other religions (15-25%). Domestic violence is found in every kind of Jewish home: Reform, Conservative, Orthodox, Reconstructionist, and unaffiliated. Jewish women's pressures to stay with abusers include Judaism's primary emphasis on the family, the feeling that it is a central responsibility to maintain shalom bayit (peace of the home), and fear of shame that could be brought on the family or the broader Jewish community by public knowledge of the abuse.

For Men Many men do not report or seek help for their abuse, for a variety of reasons. Our culture still clings to narrow definitions of gender (although there are signs that this is slowly shifting). Young boys are taught not to express their emotions, to “suck it up” and “be a man.” Men may feel discouraged to talk about what’s going on in their personal lives, or they feel like no one will believe them. They may not even realize that they are being abused, or they might assume they should just deal with the abuse on their own.

A Complicated Relationship with Law Enforcement • 1 in 4 women reported they wouldn’t call the police in the future; more than half said that calling the police would make things worse.

• 2/3 or more said they were afraid the police wouldn’t believe them or do anything to intervene.

COVID-19 and Domestic Violence Not Everyone is “Safer at Home” On March 16, 2020, data was collected to track exactly what impact COVID-19 had on those affected by relationship abuse. During the first two months of the pandemic, here’s what was found:

Contact volume did increase by 9% compared to the same period in 2019.

It was likely that victims would feel less safe reaching out for support because of being in such close proximity to their abusive partner. Compared to March of 2019, some hotlines reported they were receiving fewer calls in March of 2020 – a decrease of almost 6%. A decrease in calls is rare, but it did not come as a surprise. This pandemic put up unique barriers for victims to access support safely. As shelter-in-place orders began to lift throughout the country, the number of calls rose again – up 15% in April 2020 compared to 2019.

Roughly 10% of all contacts cited COVID-19 as a condition of their experience.

By citing COVID-19 as a condition of their experience, this means a contact noted COVID19 impacted their situation – whether that means an abuser was using COVID-19 to further control and abuse, or if a resource, like a shelter, was unavailable due to COVID-19. In some cases, sadly it was both. Contacts usually cite two or more types of abuse in their individual situations, and COVID-19 was no exception to that. 90% of all contacts answered reported experiencing emotional or verbal abuse, where their abuser used threats, intimidation, or humiliation to gain power and control. 24% of all contacts reported economic or financial abuse in their situation – this is also something that may increase in the face of growing unemployment and the long-term economic challenges as a result.

Here’s how COVID-19 could uniquely impact intimate partner violence survivors: • Abusive partners may withhold necessary items, such as hand sanitizer or disinfectants.

• Abusive partners may share misinformation about the pandemic to control or frighten survivors, or to prevent them from seeking appropriate medical attention if they have symptoms.

• Abusive partners may withhold insurance cards, threaten to cancel insurance, or prevent survivors from seeking medical attention if they need it.

• Programs that serve survivors may be significantly impacted –- shelters may be full or may even stop intakes altogether. Survivors may also fear entering shelter because of being in close quarters with groups of people.

• Survivors who are older or have chronic heart or lung conditions may be at increased risk in public places where they would typically get support, like shelters, counseling centers, or courthouses.

• Travel restrictions may impact a survivor’s escape or safety plan – it may not be safe for them to use public transportation or to fly.

• An abusive partner may feel more justified and escalate their isolation tactics.

The Statistics • • • • • • • •

Over half of all American families experience domestic violence at least once; for 30-40%, it is ongoing. In 50-70% of violent families, the children are also abused.

Nationally 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime.

Throughout the US an average of 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during their lifetime. However, within the Latinx community this number jumps to 1 in 3.

Nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the U.S. That is more than 10 million women and men per year.

75% of all serious injuries in abusive relationships occur when the survivor ends the relationship.

Nearly 3 in 10 women (29%) and 1 in 10 men (10%) in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by a partner and reported it having a related impact on their functioning.

Abuse comes in many forms, including emotional/psychological, physical, financial, digital and sexual. Abusive patterns can lead to fear, anxiety and depression, and may escalate into stalking, harassment, or lethal violence.

Anyone, no matter what race, sexual orientation, gender or religious background can be a victim.

Documenting Abuse

Post Show Questions:

Documenting the warning signs of dating abuse (in every form that it occurs) will help provide proof of your partner’s behavior if you ever need it, for legal reasons or otherwise. For some survivors, it can simply be useful to validate your experience and process complex emotions. Ways to document abuse include: • Keeping a journal of what is experienced, including descriptions of how the incident made you feel.

• Writing down statements you, your partner, or any witnesses make before, during, or after the abuse.

• Recording dates, times, and descriptions of incidents. If furniture is overturned or items were thrown, describe the scene and take photos of the damage.

• Documenting any injuries, no matter how small (with photos if possible).

• Seeking medical care, even if there are no visible injuries, especially if you have been strangled or choked.

• Filing a report with the police, if you determine that it’s safe for you to do so.

1. Do you know where to find resources for DV survivors in your own community?

2. How many of these statistics, facts, and stories have you heard before? What can we do to eliminate these statistics and stories?

3. When do you remember first learning about the existence of domestic violence?

4. What surprised you most about these survivors' stories? What surprised you least?

5. Did your perception of what a "domestic abuse survivor" looks like change at all after viewing this play?

6. Theater can be a powerful medium for opening our eyes and hearts - can you think of a way that you could use your own art or industry to raise awareness about domestic abuse and/or support survivors?

7. Did you learn something new tonight and if so, how will you share what you've learned with someone else?

How to Get Help & Provide Support

800-799-SAFE (7233) TTY: 800-787-3224 www.thehotline.org

877-643-8222 www.idvaac.org/ The Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community (IDVAAC) is an organization focused on the unique circumstances of African Americans as they face issues related to domestic violence – including intimate partner violence, child abuse, elder maltreatment, and community violence.

IDVAAC’s mission is to enhance society’s understanding of and ability to end violence in the African-American community.

CRT has partnered with Rise Above Violence in Pagosa Springs, CO to offer support to our company and audience. Call anytime day or night at (970) 264-9075.

Violence Free Colorado Office: 303-831-9632 Email: info@violencefreeco.org Website: www.violencefreecolorado.org/

For all of the survivors.

For everyone.

-Playwright Beth Kander