Issue 12, 2010

ISSUE 12 / MAY 24TH / 2010

I AL

DIT OR

18 THE BUM AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WORLD 24 RISING FROM THE AHES

ONT P AG

28 BALANCING THE WEEKLY SCARFIE BUDGET

O FI LE

U AT RES

31 SOAP BOX

C K PA GE

BA 32 COLUMNS

47 GAMES 41 BOFS

48 FILM 42 LETTERS

49 MUSIC

50 BOOKS

52 PERFORMANCE

53 ART

Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. 03

The Government was announcing the 2010 Budget as we were going to print last week. Very inconsiderate. It meant we had to do our own analysis and not wait to see what the ODT did for us the next day. Taxing. I woke up on Budget Thursday to mail from Inland Revenue. After four years at Otago, I owe them over $45 000. There was nothing in Bill English’s announcement to help me out with that. But then, I wasn’t expecting anything. Student media stalwart and blogger Keith Ng summed it up best: “This is a tax cut for the rich, yes, but I struggle to get too worked up about it. Key said it was a tax cut for the rich, National campaigned on tax cuts for the rich, and people elected them to give tax cuts to the rich. Meh, this is how governments work.” The big change, as you will already know, is to how we’re all taxed. GST is going up but most tax rates are going down. All the political parties have different opinions on this, of course. The right says the majority are better off; the left vehemently disagrees. The significant changes in tertiary education were that perpetual students and those failing most of their papers have been put on notice, and the Government has scrapped and replaced the fee maxima

scheme. Our News Editor Gregor Whyte and political columnists Edward Greig and Dominic Szeker weigh in on this and other issues on p8. Most students will find most of the changes academic, and the posturing from all the political parties annoying. The tax cuts will be helpful to those with jobs, but having to pay more for, well, everything is not ideal. But, the Government did say they will offset the rise in GST by increasing Student Allowance payments by 2.02 percent. How nice of them. The other major story this week, and possibly for the next 25 years, has been the unveiling of the new Master Plan for the University campus (p10). The concept looks beautiful and beyond anything I had imagined when daydreaming about how the campus could be made pretty. To implement it, however, will cost a lot of cash. Does the Uni have it? At the rate they’re slashing jobs and departments, you’d think not. But then, at the rate they’re buying student pubs and renting out Castle Street flats (p13), maybe they do. This story has just begun and you can expect a lot more in Critic this year and well beyond.

Critic – Te Arohi PO Box 1436, Dunedin (03) 479 5335 critic@critic.co.nz www.critic.co.nz Editor in Chief: Ben Thomson Designer in Chief: Gala Hesson Creative Director: Dreke Verkuylen Features Writers: Susan Smirk Caitlyn O’Fallon Thomas redford News Editor: Gregor Whyte News Reporters: Rory MacDonald JuLIA HOLLINGSWORTH Sub Editor: Marie Hodgkinson Music Editor: Simon Wallace Film Editor: Max Segal Books Editor: Jonathan Jong Performance Editor: Jen Aitken Feature ILLUSTRATORS: TOM GARDEN daniel alexander And a substantial army of volunteers. Advertising:

Kate Kidson, Tim Couch, Dave Eley LOGAN VALENTINE Ad. Designer: Daniel Alexander PH: (03)4795361 kate@planetmedia.co.nz WWW. planetmedia.co.nz 05

Harvard wasn’t enough? women fine

Sloppy

Health Sci PSA

All men sober, all

Numbers:

A man faces legal charges after duping his way into the world’s preeminent university. Apparently he forged a perfect school transcript in order to wangle his way into Harvard, where things were going just fine. However, his deception was unveiled after he attempted to transfer to Yale and get Harvard to support his application for a Rhodes scholarship. Greedy, much?

A British woman has died after doctors failed to notice that she had a toilet brush stuck up her arse for two years. The woman, who managed to get the brush lodged up there after a drunken fall, didn’t make it through the risky surgery to have it removed. The doctors responsible for the oversight are in deep shit, and, like the toilet brush, they may be there for some time.

A recent BBC poll has found that men are bigger liars than women. Men lie on average three times a day, compared to women, who fib on average twice a day. The poll also published the most common lies for both sexes. For men the most common lie was “I didn’t have that much to drink.” For women: “Nothing’s wrong, I’m fine.”

A person will die from total lack of sleep sooner than from starvation. Death will occur after about ten days without sleep, while starvation takes a few weeks. Accordingly, Health Scis are encouraged to fit in at least one night of sleep a week in the time leading up to exams.

13: Most toes on a human foot. The record is held jointly by Pranamya Menaria and Devendra Harne, both from India, who also have 12 fingers each on one hand. 22.5: years wasted in elevators by New Yorkers in 2009. 10x: the size a pupil of an eye can expand to when it sees something attractive. 30: percentage of pet owners that carry around a picture of their pet in their wallet.

Roo-t

Nip-on

Messed up the eggs

Overheard

We’re gonna need that back

A man plunged to his death after throwing his wife out the window of their eighth-floor apartment. The wife became entangled in power lines after the twit lobbed her out the window during an argument. In an attempt to finish the job he leapt out after her, only to miss, and splatter over the kerb. The wife was unharmed. Suburban mothers are concerned about a predatory Kangaroo that is stalking residents in the township of Tenant Creek, Australia. One woman, out on her morning walk, said “There was no doubt about what he wanted, the randy old thing.” One poor man made the mistake of challenging the aroused kangaroo, and received a swift kick for his efforts. “That Critic article is so true ... cant say shit around Uni anymore without thinking its gonna get on overheard” From Overheard @ Uni of Otago

There’s no doubt about it, Japanese women love rice. Now female urban farmers who want to keep their agricultural hobby close to their heart can grow their own rice in a novelty bra designed by Triumph. The bra is made of plastic pots that double as the cups, which can then be filled with soil and rice seedlings, and are watered through a hose that goes around the wearer’s waist.

Atlanta workers are being asked to pay back bonuses from 16 years ago. The extremely stingy Council alleges the workers were overpaid, and has asked them to return the money. Being the good cunts they are, the Council has not asked for interest. Yet.

From The Left Last week, Finance Minister Bill English presented the “Don’t Be Jealous” Budget to New Zealand. Tax reform was the biggest feature. The spin-doctor at Crosby/Textor who came up with the tagline ‘Tax Shift’ probably got a nice bonus. Good frames don’t save bad paintings, though, and numerous voices have pointed out that it is not quite right. Under the changes, 15 percent goes to the top one percent of earners. While the average earner will be worse off after 5.9 percent inflation is taken into account. To National Party MP’s, a point of etiquette for future reference: it is in bad taste to cheer the income raise you just gave yourself. Breaking your election promise not to raise GST is a little rude, too. Tax cuts are not the solution to society’s problems. But at least if you make them, make sure the majority of society is better off for it. Labour called the ‘Tax Shift’ a ‘Tax Swindle’. I hope that come election time, Phil Goff keeps this in mind and Labour presents a genuinely progressive tax option to New Zealand in 2011. If a 15 percent tax increase in goods and services is so bad, 12.5 percent cannot have been great either. Alliance is launching a campaign to remove GST on food. The Greens are proposing that your first $10 000 earned should be tax-free. Apart from the fact that these are fair, healthy, and progressive ideas, not getting taxed on that part-time job you juggle with uni sounds pretty decent to me. I could not see any of the fresh ideas that National used to be buzzing on. The Greens proved to be far more innovative. Proposing progressive electricity prices could help out with heating your cold, dingy, unhealthy flat. Labour is still far more committed to funding research and development than National pretends to be – I hope future BSc graduates are paying attention! The weirdest thing was how National chose to cloak their regressive policies in traditional Labour values. This Budget is “for the many, not the few.” Either National are incapable of expressing the unequal and stratified country they really want New Zealand to be, or they just want to be the new Labour. Dominic Szeker

Dominic Szeker writes the Green Finger column on p32. 08

Students were not lead to expect much from last week’s Budget announcement and it turned out to be as boring and lacklustre as expected with all the main points signalled ahead of time. The big news for students was a raft of changes to the student loans and allowances programmes, mainly designed to save money by cutting off loans to underachieving or perpetual students, and to recoup more of the cost of administering the scheme through increased administrative fees. The most radical change was the imposition of standards which mean that students who fail more than half of their papers over the course of their first 1.6 Equivalent Full Time Student (EFTS) units will have their ability to borrow from the student loan programme cut. A fulltime student would normally complete between 0.8-1.2 EFTS units a year. If a student is cut off they would be able to regain access to the loan scheme by passing at least half their papers taken without using government loans. “When students take out a student loan, but fail to gain a qualification, they incur costs for themselves and for the government without any real gain,” Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce says. Another major measure is limiting access to loans to a period of seven EFTS units. Students who wish to continue studying beyond this time would be required to fund their own study. Exemptions would again be available for some groups, including those going on to postgraduate and doctoral study. A further measure to limit access to the scheme is the new requirement that permanent residents and Australian citizens wishing to study in New Zealand will have to complete a two-year ‘stand down’ period before they will be allowed access to student loans. Exemption will exist for certain groups such as refugees. In terms of recouping the cost of administering the scheme, two measures were adopted. Firstly the fee associated with borrowing every

From The Right

year is to be increased from $50 to $60, and re-titled the Student Loan Establishment Fee. Secondly there will be an annual fee of $40 charged to every person with an outstanding loan balance. Other measures are likely to have a less widely-felt impact, but include the removal of exemptions for Tertiary Transition courses from the 200-week allowance limit, and the removal of the ability to claim Superannuation (or a Veteran’s Pension) and the allowance concurrently. The news, however, was not so grim in other areas of the Education Budget. The Budget provides for an increased number of tertiary education places, 1735 of these at universities and 3173 at polytechnics. There will also be greater subsidies per place. In addition, the fee maxima will be replaced with an ‘annual maximum fee movement’, which will cap fee increases for all courses at four percent per annum. Many post-Budget headlines were dominated by news of the GST hike. Student Allowances will raise by 2.02 percent to compensate for this. OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan says the Budget amounted to shifting the same money around. “[The changes] aren’t really a good thing or a bad thing.” Geoghegan reflected that in one sense the changes are not as bad as had been expected, but still ultimately limited access to tertiary education for some, and failed to make available the funding necessary to address problems in the sector. “This Budget still hasn’t addressed the problem of universities not having enough money to pay for places for all those who want to study.” NZUSA co-president David Do was disappointed with the lack of direction for the tertiary sector. “It has failed to meaningfully tackle the real issues of underfunding and student debt,” says Do.

Tax is the main Budget feature this year, and it has been delivered on. Of course, those on lower incomes will be getting fewer extra dollars a week, but it is important not to forget that those on higher rates already pay a lot more tax in absolute terms. Taking the GST rise into account, most people will be financially better off overall. This is a real commitment to reduce all tax brackets, and ensure that the savings are spread evenly. More important than “how much more will I get” is that this is a major ‘rebalance’ of the tax system. This is the move of reducing tax on income, companies, and investment balanced against a small increase in tax on consumption. The drop in the company tax rate to 28 percent is also a good move to increase our competitiveness in the Pacific. This brings us in line with Australian cuts, but at a faster rate. This doesn’t quite bring the rate to the lower levels around the OECD, but is a move in the right direction. Investment and saving is also incentivised, which is an encouraging move towards a more financially independent future for many, and relieving some of the burden the state will face from pensions in the future. Those on the top tax rate will no longer gain by hiding income in trusts and capitalisation safe harbours have also been cut, allowing companies to write off less interest against their profits. This tightening up of tax loopholes also extends to property, removing depreciation on many buildings. This may move investment to productive sectors and increase home affordability. Spending for tertiary education will increase tuition subsidies for students. Rules requiring students to pass 50 percent of their courses in order to quaify for a loan are long overdue; the Government investment in an individual’s education requires a return. However, limiting eligibility to seven years of tertiary education seems overly strict, and may result in a number of legitimate student loans being foreclosed. Overall, the Government has operated within its political promises, resulting in a little more spending than ideal, while aiming to stimulate growth and increase international competitiveness. Edward Greig

Edward Greig writes the Conservatory column on p32. 09

The University of Otago has launched its Campus Master Plan, intended to guide the development of the University campuses over the next 20 to 25 years. The full plan is nearly 200 pages in length, and covers a huge array of issues. International firm DEWG was commissioned to lead the process, and worked in conjunction with a number of other firms on specialised issues. Dunedin architect Tim Heath also assisted DEWG on the project. The plan identifies a number of issues that face the current campus, most notably the predicted growth of an additional 6 900 students and 500 staff over the next 25 years. The plan also focuses on better utilisation of the Leith and historical buildings, improving accommodation, alleviating the tense relationship between the city and campus, and improving the “collaboration and integration” of students within the University. One of the most integral aspects of the plan is the better utilisation of the Leith. The plan proposes riverside areas for students to enjoy at various points along the Leith. These plans are contingent on the revival of the Leith waters from their current dilapidated state. University buildings and wide promenades will follow the Leith down towards the harbour and new stadium. Over

the road from the stadium, on the corner of Union Street and Anzac Avenue a new residential college is proposed. This is an attempt to address the accommodation issues that may arise in the future. The Central Precinct, which includes the Library, Link, Richardson, Burns, and Union Lawn, will remain the “central hub” of the University. A redevelopment of the Union Lawn is recommended, removing the current “raised garden” in favour of a flat, grassy pavilion with paving “designed to respond to the complex patterns of pedestrian movement across the space.” The area will be surrounded by transparent retail outlets that complement those already present in the Union Building. The Archway lecture theatres will thankfully be torn down along with several surrounding buildings. This area, dubbed the ‘Leith Bend’, will form the undergraduate teaching hub of the campus with a large, iconic building to be constructed housing lecture theatres. Burns is to be stripped to its structural core and refurbished, both inside and out. It will also be connected by a covered walkway to the Link. A transparent podium will be installed around Richardson and Castle to open up the ground levels for informal study and break out space, and once again make use of the riverside position of the two buildings.

The Science II Building is to be demolished and replaced with a new, modern-looking building running parallel with the Leith. This area would then form a new “hub” for the northern campus, as the area will feature two “landscaped quads” where students could mingle. The plan points out that many of the historical sites of the University are currently unavailable to the majority of students. In order to rectify this, it is proposed that the basement of the Clocktower is turned into an interpretive centre / museum / archive hybrid. The Music, Performance, and Geology departments are to be relocated to enable Marama Hall, Allen Hall, and the Quad buildings to be used for public events and general teaching respectively. The plan also proposes a realignment of State Highway 1, removing the ‘S’ bends, and significantly expanding the Health Sciences Precinct. Also in the South Central Precinct, a proposed new pedestrian mall will link the museum reserve to Frederick Street. Although much of the focus is on the Dunedin campus, some mention is made of the Christchurch and Wellington campuses. Rather than reaching any strong conclusions, the Master Plan proposes four possible options for the Christchurch campus, and seven for the Wellington campus.

Monday “Ongoing Research on the Motivations Behind Supporting Zotero: Liberalism, Academia and the Gift.” 12pm, Commerce CO4.20

Tuesday “Do I Add to the Images in Movies? Barthes, Pensiveness, and the Gallery Film.” 11am, Richardson 6N4

Wednesday “Creation Floods the World: The Evolution of Creationism in Twentieth Century America and Beyond.” 1pm, Burns 5

Thursday OUSA Grants Applications Close “The Emotional Geographies of NZ’s Neoliberal School Reforms: Spaces of Refuge and Containment.” 4pm, Richardson 5S3

Friday “Unobserved Components Business Cycles for New Zealand. What Are They, and What Might Drive Them?” 3pm, Commerce CO5.20

The University of Otago Campus Master Plan was launched last week at an event in the Link, where the wine flowed and excitement was palpable. This followed an informative lecture to University staff and community leaders in Castle 1 that unveiled the bold and possibly unrealistic plan. While it is comprehensive, the plan does not yet represent University policy. Instead, the Master Plan is a framework, and is not intended to be highly prescriptive. The University wants to stress that the Master Plan is only a preliminary document. That means that the extent to which it will be implemented remains to be seen, especially given the huge cost of the plan in its totality. At current estimates, it is thought that carrying out the Master Plan would cost over a billion dollars. The plan details a luxury campus, where the consultants have invited the University “not to ‘make do’ with run-of-the-mill facilities, but rather to create world-class campuses.” At a price tag of over $40 million a year, the University may need to cull a few more departments before the Master Plan can be put into action. Alternatively, all the alumni who have ‘made it’ may soon be getting an uncomfortable phone call, and a second mortgage. Similarly, there has been no indication of specific timeframes for the implementation of the plan, or which phases are priorities. The next step in the process is for the University to “decide on its investment priorities and timing,” and then begin site-specific planning. No changes can

be accepted without the approval of the University Council. At the presentation, Vice Chancellor Sir Professor David Skegg commented “It will have to be successive Councils that carry the plan forward.” In addition to costs and timing issues, the plan also fails to discuss obtaining resource consents, and work involving third parties. Specifically, some projects are contingent upon the University purchasing properties surrounding the campus, which could be problematic. Another major problem posing a barrier to the implementation of the Master Plan is the Leith River, which is currently in a dire state. According to the report, the Otago Regional Council is “developing engineering proposals to mitigate the threat of flooding.” The University will need to work with the Council to improve the condition of the river dramatically to realise the vision of the Leith as a campus highlight. The various bodies in charge of roading are also reportedly unhappy that they were not consulted about the plan to remove the ‘S’ bends of State Highway 1. In the Master Plan’s preface, David Skegg was disparaging towards doubters. “Anyone who thinks that the plan is unachievable should reflect on the ambition of the early Scottish settlers who founded the University of Otago.” Perhaps the most negative reaction to the plan’s launch has been the choice of music. A string quartet played at the presentation, sparking several disgruntled letters to the Critic Editor from people trying to study.

The University is leasing 14 Castle Street flats for the use of international students. The University has taken further steps in it’s ongoing war against the ‘Scarfie’ drinking culture. The University has leased a number of Castle Street flats from tenancy agency Signal Hill Flats Ltd for 2011, and plans to sub-let them only to International Students. Signal Hill Flats Ltd, which owns roughly 22 houses on or around Castle Street, has accepted an offer from the University to give them exclusive access to a large number of flats, so that the University can sub-let them to International Students in 2011. The action by the University has received a mixed reaction on the famed street. Residents are torn between anger at another attack on the ‘Scarfie lifestyle’ and pity for the foreigners who are in for an eye opener – “those poor international students won’t know what hit them,” one current resident told Critic. “If things like Gardies and Castle Street go, its just going to turn Otago into another Waikato, except colder with shitter houses,” another resident says. Some students expressed dismay that the University is in danger of scaring off potential students. “I probably would have gone somewhere warmer. Lets hope the [second year] students find a new place to all live, like Leith Street North or something,” she said. However, the University, is dealing with capacity issues and has recently put a cap on enrolment numbers. The University confirms to Critic that 22 flats had been leased: 14 on Castle St, six on Cumberland St, and one on Howe St. Director of Accommodation Services James Lindsay says the University head-leases “a pool” flats from private landlords. Key criteria for selecting flats include that they are of a good standard, well-maintained, and in easy walking distance of the University and the city centre. “The flats to be leased from Signal Hill Flats Ltd were selected because they met these criteria,” he says.

We learned that at UniCol, after constant nagging from his girlfriend, one particular young man went out and bought some pills that allowed him to keep nocturnal activities interesting for more than sixty seconds. For whatever reason, he then decided to sell them off to his mates, and as a result UniCol is now full of lads sporting raging boners. Side effects of the pills include ejaculating when yawning, knocking ornaments of tables situated at crotch height, and looking like a sex predator in your Warehouse eating-pants. This also serves as a warning for UniCol girls – that is not a pencil case tapping you in the back at the dinner line. Apparently, some UniCol boys have also started a knitting club, which presumably won’t get them any bone time. Thursday was ‘International Drunk at Uni Day’. Despite the confusing name, the aim of the day was to turn up at Uni pissed as a fart, and try and go about your business. Some lads from Cumby decided to do several Bigfoots before 11am. As a result a few of them ended up vomcano-ing into the Leith and then going for a swim. Two Selwyn girls, dressed in the traditional Otago outfit of black puffers and mangy grey track pants, were making a point of stopping people to wish them a ‘happy International Drunk at Uni Day’, while they rubbed their friend’s back as she painted the footpath orange. At Hayward (and this is definitely one for Overheard @ Otago Uni) a guy was overheard (by the girl in question no less) telling his mate that he was going to “Hit her so hard, whoever pulls me out of her is gonna become the King of England.” Despite making possibly

MEAGRE CORRECTIONS In Issue 7, Critic incorrectly reported that James Meager handed in his Executive report 23 minutes late. Meager actually handed it in two days early. In Issue 11, Critic reported that James Meager backed Michael Anderson for the position on the Senate. Critic wishes to clarify that although James did initially express an interest in electing a male candidate, he ultimately voted for Imogen Roth.

the best ‘Sword in the Stone’ reference Critic has ever heard, the girl in question was nowhere near as impressed as she should have been, and refused to be the Stone in the legendary analogy.

Grad Party 3 was cancelled late last week due to poor ticket sales. Wilder Promotions Director Callum Fry pulled the plug on the gig, scheduled to be held on over the weekend at Sammy’s, blaming a fickle Dunedin market and a busy month for University work for the poor sales. When Critic spoke to him on Thursday, Fry was busy trying to find other venues for artists to play. “I have not come out with the projected profit,” Fry admits. “It has not been the happiest month I have had.” Wilder Promotions put on three Grad Parties this year, as feedback following last year’s single event was that they should

be held on every graduation weekend. Fry expects the earnings from the hugely successful Grad Party 2 to cover the losses. He said putting on big gigs is always a risk in Dunedin and the cancellation of this event will be cause for concern for other promoters. Critic reported two weeks ago that far fewer students were graduating in Dunedin over the final weekend than the previous two. Next year, Fry is thinking he will hold gigs on the first two weeks of graduation only. Full refunds can be obtained from outlets from which ticket were purchased.

OUSA Elections

Sorry.

Elections for the vacant positions on the OUSA Executive will be held from midnight Wednesday May 26 to 4pm Thursday May 27. The vacant positions are Health Sciences Divisional Representative, and Postgraduate Representative. If you want to know more about the candidates you can head to the OUSA website, where there will be blurbs from the contenders. There will also be a discussion group on Facebook. Students wanting to vote can have their say by heading to www.elections.ousa.org.nz.

An Auckland academic has apologised and paid the legal fees of a University of Otago professor, and of the University, after inaccurate information was published in a ‘leading’ academic book. In her book, A History of the ‘Unfortunate Experiment’ at National Women’s Hospital (2009), University of Auckland medical historian Proffessor Linda Bryder said Otago professor of obstetrics and gynaecology Prof Richard Seddon was forced by the University to resign. She later acknowledged the statement was incorrect and that Proffessor Seddon had retired of his own volition. This ‘leading’ historic book has been harshly reviewed by critics, and its conclusions and accuracy challenged by several medical specialists, including University of Otago Vice Chancellor Sir Professor David Skegg.

Gregor Whyte

More More More. Cuts. The University of Otago has begun a review of two of its departments that employ general staff. The University has some 40 non-academic departments, and the two under review are human resources and UniPrint, the in-house printing service. The University is seeking ways to make its operations more efficient and effective. A University spokeswoman has said that “reviews do periodically take place within these divisions as part of good practice.” The reviews represent a consultation process, and no final decisions have been made as to reconstruction of the departments. Tertiary Education Union Otago co-President Teresa La Rooy, speaking to the Otago Daily Times, says that while no redundancies are likely to result from the review of Uniprint, there could be redundancies in the human resources and payroll departments. Guy Wilson

Anthony Riseley

OUSA allowed COC input OUSA has been allowed to rejoin the University of Otago Code of Conduct Reference Group, which discusses matters relating to the Code of Conduct (CoC). OUSA has not, however, been allowed back onto the Appeals Board, which deals with appeals to actions taken under the CoC. OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan says it is up to students to decide what they want, as OUSA’s official mandate to oppose the CoC is the reason they are not allowed to sit on appeals. “Either they can have OUSA being officially opposed to the Code of Conduct, or they can have students represented on the Appeals Board; they can’t have both.” Gregor Whyte

Calling all experienced music managers. Andrew Spraggon and his band Sola Rosa have recently gone independent, splitting from their record label, Warners and are in need of your help. A talented troupe of musicians, they have a good work ethic and play well with others. Their last album, Get it Together, went gold, and Critic rates their song ‘Humanised feat. Bajka’. For more info: by all means, read on. Sola Rosa has recently completed a nationwide tour of New Zealand. How were you received? Good, it has been going really well. We toured earlier in the year and we toured quite a bit last year. Generally, really good crowds and yeah, I really enjoyed it. Did you enjoy performing in Dunedin? Yeah! Hardly going to say no, am I? We have had really good gigs the last three times we have played there, especially at Sammy’s. It has been cool. You started out as a one-man band back in 1999 but have worked with a number of New Zealand artists since then. Would you say the culture of collaboration is widespread in this country? It is, particularly with soul, funk, reggae genres. There seems to be a lot more collaboration within those kinds of communities ... you don’t really hear of rock bands collaborating as much. It is currently New Zealand Music month – do you think it is an effective way of celebrating the music industry in Aotearoa? I have had mixed feelings of Music Month in the past. But I was thinking about it last night and you can bitch and moan, but I think that you can’t deny the effect the Music Commission, New Zealand on Air and all those government bodies have had in playing a part in trying to create a positive outlook on New Zealand music. No, I think it is good.

Your new album, Get it Together, has been called “a charming medley of genres from funk to jazz, hip hop to dub and everything inbetween.” Did you aim to mix it up? To be honest, I think that pretty much every Sola Rosa album has been a mish-mash of different styles. So I don’t see it as being that much different; what I was trying to do with it was make it a little bit more aggressive, add a little bit more energy to it and to get a little bit more of the live energy of the band onto the record. I wonder, do you ever get sick of playing a particular song? Sometimes. For example, we had a problem in particular with ‘Love Alone’ off the new album when we first started playing it. It didn’t really work live, it just sounded a bit flat. So we sat down in rehearsal and worked out what was flat about it and what could be done about to change it. Now we really love playing it. You have travelled extensively around New Zealand in recent years. Do you have any plans to take your music overseas on tour? I am particularly frustrated at the moment with this because we are getting hounded in Europe and even in the States. We get a lot of people contacting us by email or leaving comments on Facebook or whatever saying, “Come on guys!” We are in between management at the moment and we need to find someone who is prepared and can make that happen for us.

THE BUM AT THE

Dunedinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s most well-loved celebrities are not politicians or sports stars, they are vagrants known to most as Speedy and Joan the Butcher. Thomas Redford spent time on the streets to find out the truth about Dunedinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s homeless, running into Tony the Pony and Smokey Robertson.

BOTTOM OF THE WORLD

o gain access to any sort of underground society you must quickly gain their trust. This is never an easy task. It is rumoured that for her documentary series The Gangs, Pam Corkery had to eat three tampons before Mongrel Mob members would open up on camera. Dunedin’s homeless were not so demanding. In fact for this investigation I mastered a simple technique for befriending them. Start with some light, generic chatter. After a few exchanges, or even if the subject does not seem friendly at all, look over each of your shoulders as if to make sure that no one is listening in, fix eye contact, and firmly say; “Mate, we’re not here to fuck spiders. Alright?” This simple statement sparks the enthusiasm of any transient; in fact, it excites almost any slightly pissed male over the age of 40. They all hate the idea of being anywhere to fuck spiders. People of this demographic are men of action. They will readily agree with your assertion, and be instantly endeared to you and your no-nonsense outlook on the world.

My times spent with Dunedin’s homeless have proven them to be a friendly and forthcoming bunch. But any student could tell you this. Sightings of Speedy, Joan the Butcher and Tony the Pony are the enduring memories one takes away from Dunedin. The time you saw Speedy dancing a joyful jig after – JACKPOT – he found a half-full Smirnoff in a George Street bin. The time your friend was dancing with Joan outside K.C’s and she started to urinate right there, both of you discovering that her vagina looked just like her face! And the time Tony the Pony stole your flat’s guitar. These vagrants are all true celebrities, the common ground that Scarfies of varying generations will forever reminisce about. Rumours abound about the backgrounds of these special characters. Speedy is apparently a former University Professor with a First Division Lotto prize under his belt. And Tony the Pony inherited acres of property up north but is too afraid of his whanau’s shame-casting to journey home and collect. There are few documented facts though. Is any of the above true? Are

the Dunedin streets too cold for anyone to actually sleep there? And are there other local homeless that prefer to stay out of the spotlight? I spent a few nights on Dunedin’s streets to investigate further. Saturday nights are the best for happening upon transients in this town, perhaps in any town. For bums it is the most lucrative night, as there are hundreds of drunken, happy-go-lucky students out on the town that will readily part with their dollars and unfinished vessels. So on a recent Saturday night I hit the streets. My pockets contained a Dictaphone and several cans of Export Gold, just in case the ‘Not here to fuck spiders’ routine was not so reliable.

The first potential subject I came across introduced himself as Smokey Robertson. Situated on the benches outside Meridian Shopping Mall, Smokey Robertson had long white stubble, eyebrows that most of the time slumped further down his face then his opened eyelids, and a very large belly. After connecting over a few Export Golds and the idea that Carisbrook should be turned into free housing rather than be demolished, Robertson was a very open interviewee. Critic: So how long have you been living on the streets? Smokey Robertson: My whole adult life really, so 40/45 years. I never liked being at home. No one understood why. No one understood why you didn’t like living at home? No, was always just one of things. Like lightbulbs. Lightbulbs? Yeah, no one knows how lightbulbs really work. They know how to make them, they make billions of them every year, but the scientists, the best scientists in the world, try as they might, none of them have ever been able to figure out the science of what actually makes a lightbulb work. Oh really? Yeah one of many things they don’t teach you in school or your university. Did you go to school for a while? Yeah, was one of the best at shot put there. Used to come up against big Maori fellas, twice my weight, but always beat them, because I had the perfect technique. Shot put. it’s all technique. Yeah you’d probably have a few big Maoris and Islanders at your school there? Yeah Want to know the secret to knocking them over? Sure Well mate if they ever give you any gyp, just make a fist, bop them on top of the head with the bottom part of your fist and they’ll fall over just like that

Haha that’s a good trick to know! There are quite a few shall we say ‘celebrity’ homeless people around Dunedin, do you know the likes of ‘Speedy’ and Joan Butcher? Well actually mate I’m quite famous around here. Oh really? Oh yeah. For anything in particular? Well I don’t know if you know but I actually invented the library filing system. The Dewey decimal? Are you Dewey? Well, I actually invented the medical filing system, so all the books in the whole medical library are filed after me. How were they filed before you came along? Um, they were filed from biggest to smallest book, and I pretty much just came along and told them that ‘NO’ they were going to be filed differently. What was your theory on how they should be filed? Alphabetic? First of all my theory was alphabetic…but that was quite hard for me to decide, I have dyslexia. Did you overcome that? Well eventually I did, I needed some help with the alphabet, but then I decided that I’m going to file them by subject, because that was easier for me, because once I knew one subject from a different subject I could file them. At the time, this was a pretty revolutionary way of thinking? It was, and to be honest, I was ostracized at first… The powers that be couldn’t handle it? Yeah it was completely revolutionary, and I’m actually famous for what I did. But no one actually understands how famous I am. I actually invented the library filing system. So before you, they had books ordered in size, and then you came along and said… I once swallowed eighteen watch batteries in one go.

Smokey was indeed beginning to open up at this point. Perhaps the Export Gold was hitting him, or, reading between the lines, he was already answering one of my main questions; whether many of our town’s homeless find themselves on the street because of unemployment/general bumliness, or because Dunedin offers insufficient care for mental health patients. At this stage in the interview, I, ashamedly, had to stifle laughter, and then continue with the questioning. Did you suffer any side effects? They took an x-ray and told me that I’d passed them. I didn’t know what they meant. But they gave me a whole lot of drugs, but I wasn’t finished right there, was I? No? Who were they to say that they knew better than me? So I found the clock on the wall and I swallowed those batteries too. You’ve swallowed a lot of objects that power time-keeping devices, have you in the process developed the ability to tell time without looking at a watch or clock? Oh of course I have. I am, essentially, the modern-day atomic nuclear timing device. My body is based on half-lifes, and every single one of them relates to time. What have you been doing for the last ten years? Mainly, I’ve been really trying to get my system well developed; my library filing system, it hasn’t really been taken up that well. I really tried to revolutionise how it was developed and no one’s really responded. If you could have one thing, would you want the money that this guy called Dewey got? Or the credit that he got? All I want in my life is efficiency and order.

The animation and conviction in Smokey’s face at this point was impressive but also slightly scary. I stood up, gave my thanks and farewell and moved on.

I came across Tony the Pony further up George Street. Tony will often be sighted at the top of Bath St on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights. He is a distinctive sight, defined by his long black hair, black leather jacket and guitar. He had just received a request to play his classic single 'I’m a Travellin’ Man;' I’m a travellin’ travellin’ travellin’ travellin’ man, I’m a travellin’ travellin’ travellin’ travellin’ man, That’s what I am. Well I been up… to the North Island And I been up… To Kaikoura But my woman … She done left me… So I’m a travellin travellin travellin travellin man But atleast I’m free.

And so on…it really is a great song. I was about to let Tony in on my brainwave that he should try publish a music book called Classic Bum Songs for the Guitar. It would include ‘Travellin’ Man’ as well as his other big hit ‘I am the Butterfly and She is the Bee,’ a song inspired by the sexual frustration suffered by his partner and him when he was locked up. The proposal was interrupted by an excited young man complimenting Tony’s performance. Clearly a fan of Tony’s work, the student was disappointed to discover he didn’t have any cash to give, so instead gave Tony his Eftpos card, telling him that the PIN was 25684 and to get out $20 for himself from an ATM. After a brief token refusal, Tony took the card and the young man wandered off towards the Octagon. Tony slung his guitar behind his back and strolled gleefully towards the Westpac ATM. I watched as he entered the five-digit PIN over and over, each time not turned off by the warning that this was too many numbers. It was too much tragedy for a young man to take so I headed home. Do Dunedin’s so-called ‘homeless’ sleep on the street? Probably not, too cold I guess. You never really seem to see them actually sleeping though. Where do they stay then? I’m not sure, but I believe there’s a night shelter up on Manor Place. Are there Dunedin ‘homeless’ that prefer to stay out of the spotlight? The discovery of Smokey Robertson suggests that yes there are. Although, if he ever gets the credit he deserves he will not be anonymous for much longer.

he majestically-flowing black mullet. The powerful torso, permanently hunched over guitar or beer. And the wise face, calmed by years of having to wait for deaf, drunken idiots to finish their show-off chatter. Despite his distinctive ‘Maori Kris Kristofferson’ image, Tony the Pony is less famous and admired than his street urchin contemporaries. Maybe it’s his coherence that makes him harder to love. Or maybe it’s his record of stealing from students. But get over this hump and Tony can be decent company. On Thursday and Saturday nights he will often be found lurking just outside the alcohol ban area on the Museum lawn, ready to take a song request. He was recently sighted taking a beautiful woman on a date to Rialto to watch The Road. She was regaled with stories of old silver screen sirens whose “blue eyes jumped right out of the screen at you.”

unedin’s most well-known and well-loved bachelor. The recycled urban myth is that Speedy (real name Jamie) is an ex-University lecturer who, after a stroke, refused to take his medication and ended up on the streets. Legend has it that he also won Lotto at one point. Carers have the money in a trust and dripfeed it to him. However, it is more likely that he spent the millions on an elixir that is allowing him to live forever. For over twenty years, neither his nodding head nor his racing legs have slowed down one bit. Speedy will often have a boom box glued to one ear. A woman claiming to be his former nurse claims this helps him imagine that he is flying a helicopter. But one fact we have about the man is that he loves fresh new beats. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon is his favourite album and conversation point, but he is open to all sorts of

utcher is not a nickname but Joan’s legal last name. Not sure if this is by birth or marriage. Either way, the title Miss/Mrs. Butcher is reminiscent of the card game Happy Families. By all accounts her upbringing was certainly not. The bright lights of Dunedin’s inner-city bars often draw Joan in, but the attraction is not mutual: one bar’s policy is to get out the fire hose to both keep her at bay and kindly rid her of incontinencerelated aromas. Despite her gruff, hairy, and often incoherent exterior, Joan is in fact capable of some narrative flair. She can often be found somewhere along George Street and is always keen for a drink, chat, or haka.

Rising from the ashes of the global financial crisis,

over the backdrop of the green revolution,

investing with the well-being of the world in mind is an idea whose time seems to have come.

If you have some spare cash around at the moment, or are interested in the prospect of investing once you have said cash, then ‘socially responsible investing’ is worth a look.

Nathan Rose asks what it is, and does it really make a difference to the planet?

When we switch on the news and see the depressing stories of war, environmental destruction, and corporate greed, it is easy to feel helpless. We all want to feel like we are making a positive difference in the world – and socially responsible investing has been dreamt up to achieve this. Most funds that call themselves socially responsible engage in ‘negative screening’, refusing to invest in certain morally questionable companies, rather than picking especially morally righteous ones as would be the case in ‘positive screening’. A typical socially responsible fund employing negative screening is run by Forsyth Barr, which offers a Socially Responsible Investment Fund option, also available within their KiwiSaver Scheme, which allows investors to avoid exposure to organisations involved in uranium, alcohol, tobacco, armaments, or pornography. A commendable concept, on the surface. Does it go far enough? Green party co-leader Russel Norman says that “there is not enough independent certification out there about what is socially responsible and what isn’t.” He is calling for a consumer watchdog to monitor those funds that call themselves ‘socially responsible’. However, calling a fund socially responsible or not is impossible to judge by objective standards, because everyone has different ideas of what a moral stock is and isn’t. Some would have no problem owning McDonald’s stocks, as they have added a healthy salad menu, and have tried to reform their business practices – but to others, owning a fast-food company which has contributed to obesity would be anathema. Others may object to Microsoft for its monopoly practices, Nike for running their production in low-wage economies, or even banks for providing funding to these companies – where do you draw the line? There is no moral black and white here, except for companies of the ilk of ‘carbon-neutral solar panels for third-world countries’ at one end of the scale, and perhaps the landmine and cluster bomb manufacturers at the other. Everything else is a different shade of grey, depending on who you ask. The only way to be sure the companies you are invested in are consistent with your own moral compass is to do your own research, and do your own stock-picking – which for the lay person is difficult, time-consuming, and expensive.

PEOPLE DO WHAT YOU PAY THEM TO DO

The groups Critic spoke to in the funds management industry say those companies who offer socially responsible options do so because they have seen an attitudinal change in what consumers want, and have moved to create an offering to satisfy it. Greg Easton, from Craigs Investment Partners says the types of people who demand a socially responsible option tend to have higher education, and be concerned about the ‘greater good’. Andrew Gawith, a professional economist and director of Gareth Morgan Investments (a company which does not offer a specialist socially responsible KiwiSaver option), says “The basic rationale for business is to sell products or services to people at a profit. So, firms that produce socially responsible products do so to satisfy consumer demand first and foremost.” It seems that cashing in on green hysteria is big business these days. As Al Gore says, “ultimately, people do what you pay them to do.” One idea behind the movement is to bring attention to issues in the media: the idea being, if a company is blacklisted by a fund, people will start asking questions about that company. However, Andrew Gawith believes that the media would only pay attention to socially responsible investments if they made big losses or big gains. If there were big gains, the story would be more about the firm cottoning on to some winning product or service that investors make a great return from, rather than whether or not it adhered to some sort of socially responsible investment philosophy. Russel Norman counters this suggestion with the fact that the New Zealand Super Fund, and many other sovereign funds, invest with a socially responsible philosophy, largely due to media pressure. Gordon Tucker from Forsyth Barr believes that New Zealanders generally like to view themselves as clean and green, anti-war, and anti-nuclear. We also like the rest of the world to think of us in this way – which may explain why we expect our Government to fly the sustainability flag when it comes to where we put our money.

THE VICE FUND

The Vice Fund offers an interesting counterpoint to all this. Set up in the United States in 2002, the Vice Fund only invests in companies that are not socially responsible – their portfolio consists entirely of stocks in aeronautics, the military, gambling, alcohol, and tobacco. Some of their biggest holdings include cigarette company Phillip Morris, alcoholic spirit king Diageo – then there’s Lockeed Martin and Raytheon, which produce ballistic missiles and war planes, and Wynn Resorts, which are a major casino operator. There is an old saying – “Be good. But if not, be good at it.” To the horror of the proponents of socially responsible investors everywhere, the Vice Fund has actually significantly outperformed the S&P500 US market index. Sex sells, and so, apparently, does vice. People have willingly and deliberately invested $US80 million into the fund, and counting. No small potatoes. “Why would anybody deliberately invest in things that destroy the planet?” asks Russel Norman. Certainly some investors from the conservative right of the voting spectrum hate political correctness, and may buy into the fund purely out of reactionary spite against the tree-huggers. But really, just like the socially responsible providers, the fund managers saw a demand and moved to satisfy it: as Nick Naylor from the film Thank You For Smoking put it, doing it “for the mortgage.” The Vice Fund also sells for the same reason vice itself sells – those with a psychological dark side find being amoral just plain more fun. The marvels of the modern financial world mean that instead of buying the products directly, we can now get a devilish kick out of putting our money into them: benefiting from

the profits they reap from screwing over the world, just like warfare, alcohol, tobacco, and gambling to excess screw up our own bodies and minds. Another reason is given on the fund’s website – the companies owned by the Vice Fund have steady demand regardless of whether the economy is in boom or bust; they provide global exposure; the industries have naturally high profit margins; and high barriers to entry exist – in short, ethics aside, these are good, profitable companies to invest in. From 1957 to 2007, Philip Morris was the single best-performing stock in the American S&P500, returning 8400 percent. Charles Norton, the manager of the Vice Fund, is not a bigdrinking, cigar-chomping high roller behind a mahogany desk who was nationalistically cheering on every bomb dropped in the name of Uncle Sam during the invasion of Iraq. He does, however, have this to say about socially responsible investing: “socially conscious investing comes at a significant financial cost to shareholders … screening out certain companies based on ethical guidelines instead of fundamentals automatically eliminates some of the country’s most profitable companies. To me, that seems irresponsible.” Irresponsible only, it can be argued, if investors don’t know what they are getting. If socially responsible investing is costly, then investors should be informed of its cost – both in terms of lower expected returns over time, and in loss of potential diversification benefits through a drop in the selection of stocks available. Some proponents of the movement assert that socially responsible investing is without cost. Clearly, this is not the case.

THE COST OF BEING GOOD

Imagine that the manager of a socially responsible fund has a decision to make. The fund is ticking along, but she sees some signs that a tobacco company is about to announce a record profit, and could make her clients money by getting some of the fund’s cash into tobacco for a while. Should she do it? If she does not, a cost of her ethical boundaries has been realised. This manager would likely face decisions such as these many times over the years if she is skilled, but refuse all of them because of the fund’s policy not to invest in companies it considers morally wrong. Over time, that opportunity cost simply must add up. Even if you subscribe to the belief that socially responsible companies will have a long-term advantage over the broad market, missing even one stock pick because you’re ‘not allowed’ to invest in it will cause your returns to suffer. Some people dismiss the pursuit of profit by shareholders as being morally reprehensible. Don’t. Profits create jobs, and livelihoods. Remember that a lot of investors are not corporate fat cats; they invest for their retirement funds, for their children’s university education, or in the case of KiwiSaver, to save up to buy their first home. The cost of ‘being good’ can even be quantified in dollar terms. Imagine these two scenarios: you start investing for your retirement at age 25. After inflation, taxes, and fees, you can earn an annualised return of four percent per year with an ordinary fund, and 3.5 percent per year with a socially responsible fund of equivalent risk. You contribute $5000 a year in the first year, growing at three percent a year along with inflation. By the time you are 65, the socially responsible fund would be worth $200 000 – and the regular fund $272 500. A difference of $72 500 at retirement. So, make that decision now with open eyes: is ‘doing good’ with your retirement portfolio worth $72 500 to you today? Feel free to tweak the numbers to your own circumstances – start saving later, or earlier. Contribute more, or less. Adjust the expected annual returns of both hypothetical funds up or down. These are all excellent exercises, especially if you are considering joining the socially responsible investment movement. When it is laid down in such explicit terms, it will make it easier for you to decide whether making socially responsible investments costs

Partners points out that seeking out the companies whose morals you agree with, and that otherwise may struggle to get funding, can make a difference. For instance, Windflow Technology in New Zealand was funded in large part by the green dollar, and may not have got off the ground if it were judged on profitability potential alone. However, given that most managed funds only avoid the bad companies rather than seek the righteous ones, you have to wonder what impact is really being achieved by the majority of the money out there. It is undoubtedly more important to some people to feel like they’re making a difference, than actually make a difference. Gordon Tucker from Forsyth Barr talks to clients on a regular basis, and explains that at the end of the day, people want to be able to put their money somewhere that lets them sleep soundly at night. For some, that means investing in low risk assets that aren’t going to travel up and down on a roller-coaster every time the world economy sneezes. For others, it may make them feel better if they do not own or benefit from the profits of ethically questionable companies. too much, or whether you think it is worth it. Either decision can be correct, so long as you know what you’re getting yourself in for – it’s your money, after all. Timothy Adler and Mark Kritzman run Windham Capital Management, and are sceptical of socially responsible investing. They argue that if you are concerned about the unethical things of the world, then your aims would be attained more effectively by avoiding the socially responsible investing route, and using all the extra money you make to further your aims. In the above hypothetical scenario, you could get the same amount of money at retirement as the socially responsible fund, by going for an ordinary fund, and starting contributions at $3670 with inflation growth instead of $5000. You can give away the difference to whatever charity you feel is most appropriate.

IS IT REALLY HELPING? OR JUST HELPING YOU SLEEP AT NIGHT?

The real question to answer is whether socially responsible investing makes a significant difference to the well-being of the world. Avoiding the bad companies doesn’t have any effect, says Chris Worthington of Infometrics: “consumer boycotts of unethical products hurt the bottom line of the companies. But it is unclear that boycotts of investing in these companies can ever be as effective. A switch to ethical investments doesn’t change the total amount of capital available … if an unethical company’s revenues remain intact, it follows that the value of the company is unchanged, and there will always be amoral investors willing to provide funding to companies trading below fair value.” But Greg Easton from Craigs Investment

Even though socially responsible investing cannot force unethical companies into changing their ways, it still has a place in raising awareness amongst individuals – and because people are out there demanding it, it is here to stay. n Andrew Gawith is a professional economist and director of Gareth Morgan Investments. His comments in this article are his personal views, do not represent the views of Gareth Morgan Investments, and are not intended as financial advice. n Gordon Tucker is the KiwiSaver Specialist for Forsyth Barr, Dunedin. His comments in this article do not represent the views of Forsyth Barr, and are not intended as financial advice. Full disclosure can be obtained by emailing gordon.tucker@forbar.co.nz n Greg Easton is an Investment Advisor at Craigs Investment Partners. His disclosure statement is available free of charge under his profile on www.craigsip.com. This article is general in nature and should not be regarded as specific investment advice.

Our Western fixation with monetary value has skyrocketed over the past few decades. By no means am I saying money is entirely a bad thing – it’s a tool, of course. What I am getting at is that this very obsession is screwing us over. Let’s take the University as an example. It’s no secret that the University of Otago is a business first and an institution of learning second. For years they’ve been buying every building they can get their hands on. While this does have some benefits, such as more jobs and better housing conditions, it also has its cons. It’s removing our student culture. Chunk by chunk it’s being torn apart. They’ve taken down the Bowler and our beloved Gardies. Okay, so it’s not the end of the world, but for those of you who have been around a while – remember the amount of fun you had getting loose in those places? Most freshers don’t even know what the Bowler was! (Who would have guessed that two years ago?) If this VSM stuff pulls through that’ll be another nail in the coffin. Sure. the OUSA isn’t the most efficient organisation, but guess what you ACT-supporting cretins? It’s not meant to be a fucking business, it’s an organisation dedicated to helping students. This is exactly what I’m getting at – focusing too much on the money side leaves no room for the intangible. Not everything can be measured and valued precisely. Many Commerce students inherently adopt this money-orientated approach to life. Some are fixated on getting awesome marks in their Economics degree, or whatever, on the assumption that they are going to make heaps of money. The ironic thing is that our Scarfie culture is actually something that employers want in their workers. I guess not so much the ‘shagging everyone’ and ‘throwing up everywhere’ part, but the character it builds. The friends you make, the social skills you develop, and independence you gain, all put you at an advantage over those boring wangs who live at home in Auckland. On top of that, those very people who you have to carry home after a big night are our future doctors, lawyers, and CEOs. Think about what our current doctors, lawyers, and CEOs used to do. Do you think employers want a straight A+ student who’s socially awkward? Being here is much more than obtaining a piece of paper and an exorbitant loan. Money and happiness are not mutually exclusive but they sure as hell don’t go hand and hand. Don’t let the greedy cunts get the better of us. Greed has driven this university to become an assembly line of education. It is eroding the very thing that makes being a Scarfie the experience it is. I guess it doesn’t matter for you too much, though; you’re only here for a few more years and then you’ll end up with a sweet job. What do you care if the University buys Castle Street within the next ten years? At least you’ll have fond memories of getting a sandwich from Frank’s. -By Tom Taylor

ou’ve got your haves and your have-nots. I’m a have, you’re a have. But what’s to be done about all these bloody have-nots, eh? Surely something better than sitting around drinking champagne and talking socialism. And perhaps, just perhaps, the misguided free-market principles that inform National and their various uncritical mouthpieces all railing against socialists don’t help either. So what, as a Kiwi, can you do about it? If you want to address poverty in our country, you could hit up the Minister of Social Development, Paula Bennett. The problem is she’s actively antagonistic towards the people she is supposed to be looking out for. She acts like some horrible step-mother who is obliged to look after the little scrots. Give her an office on the seventh floor of the Beehive and rather than using her ministry to stop her from making silly comments, she puts it to use benefit-bashing and lashing out at solo mums who dare to be critical of her policies. On behalf of all the solo mums who recognise the hypocrisy in her pulling up the ladder behind her, the green finger is pointed at you, Paula. Perhaps you are concerned with poverty outside our borders. Say, in the Asia-Pacific region. Then Murray McCully is your man. You might want to ask Muzza to honour our international obligation to untie our overseas development aid. Only a dick would use aid as a political tool. Tell him that people in absolute poverty need assistance just to survive. The poor shouldn’t suffer because of the shitty government they’re subjected to. The Millennium Development goal of 0.7 percent of GDP towards overseas aid is achievable and morally obligatory. But this is the guy that likened overseas development assistance to flying around the Pacific chucking cash out of a helicopter. What an offensively inhumane and embarrassingly inaccurate analogy. Also, I would recommend that you keep your distance lest you get covered in his Tory smarm. The moral is: don’t bother with the Nats if you want to address poverty. If they don’t give a shit about inequality they sure as hell don’t give a flying-nigga-flipping-fuck about poverty*. A cursory glance at New Zealand political history shows that Labour are the leaders, National the followers, and Greens the ones with the good ideas.

* Consult Mr. Google before sending me your hate-mail. Just, erm, lock your bedroom door first.

hil Goff is not doing his rather sorry image any favours in his recent proclamations on GST and tax. Ahead of the Budget, Goff was aiming to grasp a section of public opinion and set out what should be a viable and sensible alternative to the Government budget. Unfortunately, he did nothing more than declare Labour would reverse any of the largely proactive changes hinted at ... kind of ... maybe. Gone are the unequivocal promises to reverse an increase in GST. Now Labour are looking at – but not promising – removing the GST on fruit and vegetables. This is a fundamentally stupid idea that will remove the simplicity of our current GST system. While maybe good intentioned, this just raises too many questions to be a workable policy. What are vegetables? When do they cease to be vegetables? When do they cease to be healthy? The change would benefit no one but the lawyers. Do we really want to see court cases to determine whether something is a biscuit or a cake, a cracker or bread, as has been seen in Australia and the UK? The loopholes and definition problems are enormous. We should learn from these overseas experiences and reject this foolish populist move outright. National’s proposed decrease in the top tax rate should not be viewed as disproportionately favouring the rich, either, but rather as taking steps to remove the current punitive tax to which those on a very middle class income are currently subject. Making money is not in itself an evil; it is not socially harmful and so should not be taxed as if it were. Taxing consumption more and income less is a good move, and will help to incentivise the kind of activity we want to improve New Zealand’s future. Goff’s promises to reverse the drop in the top tax rate shows that Labour cannot get over Michael Cullen’s tall poppy attacks. To attract the world’s brightest and to encourage skilful New Zealanders to return from their Oes, we need to get rid of this top tax rate. The current model creates a redistribution of wealth beyond that necessary, at the expense of our entrepreneurs and successful people. Goff is spouting nothing but desperate ideas that will continue to doom the country. He has set the Labour party on course to return to higher taxes in addition to confusing GST exemptions. That GST exemptions are a fundamentally bad idea must be clear to Phil, he’s been around far too long to think otherwise. This makes his speech a hollow attempt to gain votes.

Reasons Why I Should Get Paid To Write This Column Writing these columns is hard work, you know. First I have to get drunk. Then I have write some poorly constructed sentences with immature statements, which some call ‘humour’. Then I have to research shit sometimes. Life is tough.

The shit I put up with: Now, Ben does a pretty good job at editing out my drunken mistakes but one of his favourite pastimes (other than Facebook stalking me) is to mutilate my columns with commas. My guess is that he counts five words then puts a comma in regardless of what’s there. Not just that but sometimes he edits a few minor things like, I dunno, not putting the fucking title on it so it doesn’t make sense or puts the numbers around the wrong way. WTF is up with that? Everything else sucks: I’m not sure about you but I usually don’t read the Critic. It has some useful information like that article about how to fuck a moose, which was great because I’ve been trying unsuccessfully for years now. However, everything else in here sucks balls. I’m arrogantly going to assume that this is your favourite column and that’s cool and all, but to be honest you obviously have bad taste. I bring in the numbers: Clearly people who pick up the Critic always read this. Half the time my column is next to an ad anyway. Therefore, I should get a chunk of that. Do you know how much it costs to get drunk every weekend while keeping a hooker in my basement? It’s cheaper than you’d think, but these things are essential to the production of this column. Everyone does less work than me: I’ve indicated how much time and effort goes into keeping you entertained. What does Ben do? He puts up weird photos of himself so you can wonder what the fuck he’s up to and then summarises all the work that everyone else has done. Then all the fucking editors get together and review shit! So they’re having a fun time blowing a whole lot of money! Meanwhile, I get drunk and try to keep the hooker and my pet iguana Pedro under control! I’ll fucking quit: I didn’t think it would come to this but I’m putting the threat out there. You need to write in and show your support or I’ll drop my standards and start writing for Salient.

Jeremy: The mandatory chemical castration of sex offenders is a form of cruel and unusual punishment that offends basic principles of human rights. Furthermore, it is ineffective in reforming offenders and thus cannot be justified as a solution to the problem of sexual offending in New Zealand. As a democratic nation we accept that some rights ought not be impinged upon – broadly, these can be divided into civil rights and human rights. We accept that by due process of law, civil rights may be restricted; this is done every time a convicted offender goes to prison. Human rights, however, are not so easily displaced. We accept, for example, that it is never acceptable for the state to physically torture its citizens, as this interferes with one’s bodily integrity. This same principle must also apply to sex offenders. However repugnant an offender’s actions may be, it is not legitimate for the state to intervene in something as intimate as one’s sexual desires. It is widely recognised that sexual health is an integral part of one’s overall well-being. By chemically castrating offenders, the state is saying that these people will never be entitled to the opportunity of a life with consensual sex, and are not worth reforming through rehabilitation. Furthermore, chemical castration does not address the underlying causes of sexual offending and as such is an ineffective form of prevention. It is clear that sexual desire is only one element of sexual offending. It is no coincidence that much sexual offending involves violence, with violent tendencies forming part of the motivation for sexual offenders. Chemical castration ignores this problem, and assumes that simply turning off sexual desires instantly reforms offenders. The reality is that chemical castration will cause these offenders to become further ostracised from the community, and in all likelihood remain violent offenders. Chemical castration is a lazy and illegitimate solution to the problem of sexual offending in New Zealand. An increased emphasis on rehabilitation of sexual offenders (and obviously imprisonment where offenders are an imminent threat to the public) provides a more effective and socially justifiable means of solving this problem in the long term.

Shou Cast ld We Ch rate emic ally Sex O ffend ers?

Matt: There is a 47 percent recidivism rate amongst sex offenders in New Zealand. This is an abhorrent statistic to tolerate while a viable solution to the problem lies within reach: that solution is chemical castration. ‘Chemical castration’ refers to the application of hormone-reducing (and thus sex-drive reducing) drugs such as Depo Provera. The application does not sterilise the recipient, and is completely reversible. An injection once every twelve weeks is all that is required, and the cost is negligible. A sentencing guideline could be that an offender is to be on the drug for 50 percent of their prison sentence after they serve their time. If they re-offend, then they are put on the drug for life. There are three important reasons we should use the drug: Firstly, it will reduce offending. Psychological problems may be the root of the offending but we can stop the physical manifestation of that problem by using Depo Provera. We already address the psychological problem by imposing sentences that include compulsory psychological care, and this is clearly insufficient to address the problem of recidivism. The combination of psychological care and drug prescription is a common way to combat psychological problems and what I am proposing is no different. Secondly, the offenders will not suffer. It will not restrict any perceived “right” to reproduce. Reproduction can still be accomplished via IVF. The sex offenders are hardly going to suffer any reduced quality of life because they cannot reproduce ‘naturally’; many other people live fulfilling lives without being able to reproduce ‘naturally’, and they haven’t done anything at all to justify this limitation. Moreover, many sex offenders will probably agree to the treatment if they are serious about rehabilitation. Thirdly, it won’t undermine the fundamentals of our justice system. It will rehabilitate the offender, and protect our society. It will also go some way to rehabilitating the victim. Moreover it is not an unfair restriction of liberty – we already have other preventative punishments such as preventative detention, parole, and supervision. Something needs to be done to prevent sexual re-offending, and chemical castration is a rational solution.

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society. They meet every Tuesday at 7pm in Commerce 2.20.

et’s talk about Facebook, everybody. Please have a seat. People are here because they care about you and they want you to know that they’re concerned for your wellbeing. This is what a Facebook intervention may look like; and, judging by the profusion of glowing blue screens that you’ll see when waltzing up and down the aisles of the celebrity squares at the Uni library, its about time! Well, not to bail out so early, but Facebook addiction is probably too dense a problem to solve in this column, so let’s put the small minority of addicts aside. More importantly, Facebook has become so permeated within our social culture, that it could be beneficial to look at what you can do to protect yourself from its digital claws. Clearly, there are a few things that you should know and do to keep yourself as far away from marketing databases, stalkers, con-artists, and identity pirates (it’s more romantic than identity thieves) as humanly possible. First, don’t show your freakin’ birthday. That’s hacker gold. Second, if your password is password1 then slap yourself with at least 60 percent strength. If you’re looking at this going ‘ha,’ or maybe even being so bold as to ‘haha’, feel free, but sadly I actually know someone that does this! Third (wow we’re getting through this quick), privacy settings are not just for hermits; well, they sort of are, but a few tweaked ones can’t hurt. Fourth, apparently search engines and information gatherers are rife in the system – and while it’s a little Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory that your status update about going to see Robin Hood tonight may be giving away info to a copious amount of marketing entities, it’s something that a few people think is probably happening. Finally, just as a personal aside that has little to do with security, some status updates need not be said. Now we know what Jessica had for breakfast, what Tammy did after going to the gym, and whether the Kit-Kat Amanda just bought from the store was chunky or regular. It’s getting a little sad. So, with these things in mind you can look up at your lecturer, back at the Critic, then up to your Facebook profile on your open laptop, and try to both expunge a few noxious Facebook habits and do what you can to avoid some third-world con agency using your identity to buy 1600 copies of Desperate Housewives Season One for the black market!

So what has dear John Lewis been up to since he spilled the beans in Critic about how much sway Vice Chancellor Sir Professor David Skegg really holds at Allied Press HQ? We went back and looked at the exciting assignments Lewis has been given since we broke the story on May 3, and found Lewis frequenting the glamorous old people and school beats. •

• • • • • •

• • • • • • • • •

The co-ordinator of a new programme at Otago Community Hospice hopes to ease the fear and uncertainty many people feel when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness. (May 19) Columba College girl finishes third equal in essay competition. (May 19) Columba College mother slapped with a $60 parking fine whilst trying to pick up her daughter. (May 18) Columba College girl climbs to base of Mount Everest. Enjoys view. (May 15) Columba College girl wins Chinese language competition. (May 15) Students at Warrington School draw big map. (May 15) A story on Wonky Donkyey: “Despite the quirky mental picture, almost every child in New Zealand knows the Wonky Donkey is a “spunky, hanky panky, cranky, stinky dinky, lanky, honkey tonkey, winky, wonky donkey”, and they just love him.” (May 13) Parents of deaf children ask Government for more money. (May 13) “Come on everybody, get up out of your seat - Dunedin’s newest cheerleading squad will be a treat that can’t be beat.” (May 12) Small baby born… on Mother’s Day. (May 10) PPTA wants more teachers in Otago. (May 8) Three Dunedin high school kids selected to represent New Zealand at international science and technology events. (May 8) Principal, who has been at same primary school for 40 years, retires. (May 8) Columba College girl writes novels. (May 5) Alternative school shortens lunch breaks, leads to less fights. (May 5) Die! Die! Die! Play at Logan Park High School. (May 4)

We’re sorry, John. Hope it picks up soon!

Vanilla Ice,

Hard To Swallow (1998, Republic)

hat do you do when you’ve suddenly become the biggest hip-hop star in the world? This was the problem faced by Rob Van Winkle, better known as Vanilla Ice, after the release of his 1990 breakthrough single ‘Ice Ice Baby’. Van Winkle’s infectious party jam sold millions of copies and was the first hip-hop single to top the Billboard charts, leaving the world in eager anticipation for what would come next. However, the rapper failed to produce anything that resonated with the public as strongly as his debut single, leading many to quickly dismiss him as merely a ‘novelty act’. After years trying to replicate the success of ‘Ice Ice Baby’, Van Winkel decided to try a different approach: he would radically reinvent himself, taking the classic hip-hop sound of his earlier work and fusing it with heavy metal, creating the genre known today as ‘rap-metal.’ This heavier sound allowed Van Winkel to explore darker themes, such as his abusive childhood and drug addiction, all of which appear in his groundbreaking 1998 album Hard to Swallow. The album sees Van Winkel lashing out at those who claimed he was nothing but a one-hit wonder: “Fuck you, there ain’t nothing you can do / You whack bastard, there ain’t nothing you can do,” he raps in the powerful (yet confusingly-titled) ‘Fuck Me’. But there are some tender moments hidden amongst the aggression: “Whatcha tryin’ to do, make the Ice melt? / Don’t you know my cream is good for your health?” he coos on sensual slow-jam ‘The Horny Song’. Hard to Swallow cemented Van Winkel’s place as a serious recording artist and allowed him to finally escape the shadow of ‘Ice Ice Baby’. He even included a heavy-metal version of that very song on the album, to prove how far he’d come since then, or something. Sadly, this was not enough to revive Van Winkel’s flagging career, and while he has continued to release albums, including 2001’s excellent Hot Sex and the upcoming WTF (scheduled for release this month), he has largely been forgotten outside of his one big hit. But like it or not, this ‘novelty act’ has been responsible for paving the way for some of the greatest rap-metal groups of our time – such as Limp Bizkit and Linkin Park – so you have to give him credit for that, even if you find it a little hard to swallow.

ith the exams around the corner, I thought I would share a few really easy recipes that you can whip up when you need a 20–30 minute break from studying. These dishes keep relatively well so if you make enough to last a few meals, you will always have some proper food in the fridge when hunger strikes and will only have to mess around in the kitchen once or twice a week. NB: Always remember to taste as you cook so you can adjust the flavours to your liking.

Thai Green Curry

This is one of the easiest things to make, when you use the Mae Ploy Green Curry paste that you can buy at any supermarket. Just follow the instructions on the container. I used chicken thighs and added sliced water chestnuts (canned) and green beans (use whatever vegetables you like – I used frozen green beans because I was lazy). The thing I love about making this myself, at home, is that I can use as much of the paste as I like, to make it as spicy and/or potent as I feel like. Sautéing the green curry paste imparts a lovely pungent aroma that is then mellowed by the addition of the coconut milk. The result is a delicious, thick curry with a nice depth of flavour (considering that a store-bought paste was used) and just the right level of spiciness to leave a little bite on your tongue. Mmm-mm!

If you would like Critic to review your restaurant/food, please email food@critic.co.nz

Pasta Bolognese

I know, I know, almost everyone knows how to make Bolognese, so why am I wasting your time? Well, I think this version is probably better than most of the crap I have had at restaurants, so I am sharing. Just sauté minced garlic (lots!) in olive oil until fragrant, then add minced beef (you can substitute half the mince with grated carrots if you feel like upping your vege intake), an OXO beef cube, and brown the mixture. Stir in store-bought Bolognese sauce (I like Leggo’s) and simmer. This is what takes it to the next level – pour in red wine twice or thrice around the pan(something you would drink, around $15) and simmer until the sauce is thick. When done, the sauce should be rich and velvety. Serve on cooked pasta of your choice. Alternatively, substitute the Bolognese sauce with one of the tomato-based Pasta Bake versions, mix pasta and sauce in an oven proof dish, top with grated mozzarella, and bake until golden brown. Mum’s Black Pepper Chicken

Marinate chicken thigh pieces in dark soy sauce, some pepper, and some sugar. Coat potato slices (about 0.5 cm thick) in a little oil and salt, and pan-fry until golden brown (won’t be cooked through), then remove from pan. Sauté sliced garlic in oil until fragrant, then add marinated chicken and potatoes. Stir-fry until chicken is cooked. If you like lots of sauce, add more water, dark soy sauce, pepper, and sugar to taste. Otherwise, just taste and add whatever you think is necessary. This should yield delicious savoury, peppery, and slightly sweet juicy chicken pieces with tasty gravy. Serve with steamed rice, or if you can’t be bothered, on bread.

They Tell Me You Like Sex

There’s this guy. He sent it like three orgies on the fourth of July: sparkles, banners, and whole lot of pheromones. Alfred Kinsey collected thousands of interviews for both Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (1948) and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female (1953). He’s ostensibly the man who changed our gaze on getting it on. While getting it on … with his male assistant … who was also having an affair with Kinsey’s wife … In any case … Kinsey’s approach to these interviews was complete tolerance, lack of judgement, sympathetic interviewers, and a set of questions that slowly revealed the interviewees’ sexual histories to create a substantial pool of empirical data. It was a tremendous achievement at the time and fully undermined social preconceptions about sex, like premarital intercourse (which was happening, surprise surprise …). Kinsey did have some peculiarities, though: he tried to take humans away from their “perceived” centrality in sexual relations, so if you’ve ever wanted to stroke a goat amorously or lick a possum dick, he would have probably given you two thumbs up. Sure, there were some issues. Kinsey didn’t interview African Americans. Sexual success was strictly equated through the number of orgasms the person had, though one might argue, as have a certain school of feminists in the 1970s who explored ‘outercourse’ (i.e. all kinds of erotic touching except orgasm), that the value of sex lies in more intricate and multiple sources of pleasure than simply la petite mort. Understandably, his work on women was less informative than what he discovered about male sexuality. Much like one of the other crucial figures in modern sexuality, Havelock Ellis, Kinsey sought to dislodge the notion of ‘normalcy’ from sexual behavior. One of Kinsey’s most famous inventions is the ‘Kinsey scale’, which charts a range of sexual behaviour, moving American perceptions away from the homosexual, heterosexual, and bisexual as the tripartite dictators of sexual preferences. His scale goes as follows: 1. Exclusively heterosexual. 2. Predominantly heterosexual, but incidentally heterosexual. 3. Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual. 4. Equally heterosexual and homosexual. 5. Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual. 6. Predominantly homosexual, but incidentally heterosexual. 7. Exclusively homosexual.

Though seven categories may be a bit much, they do serve to re-evaluate normative classification of our sexual preferences and extend flexibility to our sexuality, which was hitherto unheard of. So baby, are you a 1 or a 5 tonight?

Girl: What with the corporeally sober state I’ve been in lately, I took an interest in matters of spiritual concern and headed to a talk by an American rabbi on mysticism in the Abrahamic faiths. Aside from my interest in mysticism in general, I have always held the Jewish faith in a special place in my heart for a number of ill-researched reasons, ranging from my love of Jewish literature, to the fact that Jewish men are insanely good looking and I basically want to be Jewish so bad. So, with this longing in my heart and my positive stereotypes well in place, I literally ran to the lecture theatre. Well, Rabbi Goldstein didn’t disappoint, with a riveting talk on the incredible history of mystical Judaism. He even said that sex, within marriage, should be enjoyed and could even be elevated to a sacred act. Mazel tov! I was well into fantasy-land, imagining myself living in Manhattan, attending my synagogue and raising a flock of Jewish children who complain about having to learn Hebrew. Then I remembered one glitch in my awe-inspiring plan – my atheism. Usually a source of minor pride, it now proves to be a stumbling block on my road to true happiness. I just don’t know how to make it stop.

Boy: “I’m Catholic and I can’t commit suicide, but I plan to drink myself to death,” Jack Kerouac tells us. If I were to fantasise about religious virtuousness, it would in Kerouac’s terms that I would do so. It was with this that I found myself back in Mou on a Wednesday night, idly drinking away with Bachelor #1 and a girl whom I’d met before, but have been too drunk to recall. Let’s call her Bachelorette #3. We sat and flirted for a few hours, and went bar hopping. Bachelor #1 eventually left us. I left her at some point; as I gathered my body in the corner of the union arch, a girl passed me hand-written poetry and I wondered what kind of Ghost World strip I had wandered into. The kind where the younger girl has the older male friend and it all gets ‘out of hand’ in some sort of safe, suburban way. I couldn’t read her words anyway (too drunk), but being a good academic I gave a robust critique. “Too young and naïve.” Like Kerouac and religion, I used one (alcohol and critique) to get away from the other (religion and a girl), only to end up on top of it (her). Wait. That’s not right: I ended up on top of Bachelorette #3 while the drink dissolved.

The week before last, OUSA ran its first Student General Meeting. SGMs are a constitutional requirement that are currently necessary to allow OUSA to continue operating. However, if you were recreating OUSA from scratch, you would have to be a complete muppet to come up with a process this stupid to meet an end goal of keeping the Exec accountable and getting student feedback. On the upside, this SGM saw a really good debate about the process and external policy as well as a surprising amount of support for an overhaul, despite perceived difficulties. I’m currently being a policy geek and working on the necessary constitutional changes, and working within the stupid process to change it … sigh. Meanwhile, a song about what’s going on, inspired by Josh Hercus (and Facebook), written in part by Joshua Neary and myself, because no one wants to hear me rant about how much OUSA is held back by its constitution. I’ll leave you in suspense … Sing to the tune of Tick Tock (Ke$ha): Wake up in the morning feeling like H. G. Diddy Put my glasses on, I’m out the door – I’m gonna hit this uni Before I leave, brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack Cause when I leave for the day, don’t know when I’ll be back I’m talking – planning away the days, days Can the budget pay, pay Always on the phones, phones Van-booking, online SGM please please No Design School parties Wanting to get a little bit tipsy [CHORUS] Don’t stop, make it pop NORML, smoke Union Lawn up Tonight, I’mma fight ‘Til we see the sunlight Tick tock, on the clock But the OUSA party don’t stop no Woah-oh oh oh Woah-oh oh oh Ain’t got no pub on Castle Street, but got plenty of beer Ain’t got no money in my pocket, cause I borrowed to get here Now, new students are lining up cause they hear we got swagger But we kick ‘em to the curb unless they’re smarter than Mick Jagger I’m talking about – everybody getting crunk, crunk Boys rioting in my junk, junk Gonna arrest him if he getting too drunk, drunk Now, now – we failin’ ‘til they kick us out, out Or Roger Douglas shut us down, down Roger Douglas shut us down, down Ro-ro shut us down, down No, the meeting don’t start until I walk in … 40

Kia ora koutou, especially our tauira rata. We are Te Oranga ki Otakou, the Maori Medical Students’ Association. As you may have read over the last few weeks, the different Maori roopu have been introducing themselves to you, and now it’s our turn. Our Komiti for 2010 Kirsten Taplin – Tumuaki / President Te Whakatohea. Third-year, from Auckland. Tyler Rudolph – Vice-Tumuaki Ngatiwai, Ngaiterangi, Ngapuhi, Te Rarawa. Third-year, from Whangarei. Alison Nankivell – Kaituhi / Secretary. Ngapuhi. Third-year, from Nelson. Matt Stretton – Kitiaki Putea / Treasurer Waikato, Tainui. Third-year, from Waiheke Island. Cole Rudolph – Clinical Years Representative Ngatiwai, Ngaiterangi, Ngapuhi, Te Rarawa. Fifth-year, from Whangarei. Te Oranga ki Otakou is the Otago branch of Te Oranga, which collectively represents all Maori medical students in New Zealand. We also look after our clinical-year students, who move away to Christchurch and Wellington in their final years (years four to six). Te Oranga ki Otakou was started in 1999 and has been going strong ever since, building on past tauira’s mahi. We now have over 80 Maori medical students at Otago! Te Oranga’s main purpose is provide support for our young doctors from their first day of medical school to graduation and beyond. So far this year we have had numerous hui, but the most significant was our annual Freshers’ Hui. We run the Freshers’ Hui every year at Otakou Marae, on the tip of the Otago Peninsular. We hold this hui to bring together new and existing Maori medical students to facilitate whakawhanaungatanga and build a sense of whanau within our tauira rata at the Medical School. We have a lot of exciting initiatives and events in the pipeline for the rest of the year, including Te Ora’s (NZ Maori Doctors’ Association) annual Hui a Tau, our Reo Waananga Hui, for which this year we are travelling to Rotorua to learn Te Reo and meet up with our Auckland counterparts. We are in the process of building a textbook library and organising Te Reo tutorials for all medical students to try and promote Hauora Maori throughout the med school. So if you’re involved, keep it up, and if not, come and get amongst it. We have a big year coming up and it’d be a shame to miss out. Add us on Facebook (Te Oranga) to keep up to date with events and happenings – and when you get your next awesome email from Tui don’t just delete it, come along, get some kai, and meet the crew.

Letter of the Week

wins a $30 book voucher YOUR LETTER IS FAR TOO LONG. IT’S SPELT ‘THOMSON’. NO ONE ATTACKED THE SOCIALISTS. GEOGHEGAN’S MOTION WAS NOT ENDORSED. CRITIC HAS COVERED THOSE ISSUES EXTENSIVELY. AND YOU TOTALLY MISSED THE POINT. WELL DONE. HERE’S $30!

Critic’s “Editor-in-chief” Ben Thomson has labelled everyone who turns up at Student General Meetings as freaks and geeks – singling out the International Socialists for special mention. Thomson is outraged that the SGM threw out President Harriet Geoghegan’s motion to rescind all OUSA policy, which he says ranged from stupid, through irrelevant to illegal. One policy (on the Sky Tower) was genuinely stupid and has been quoted ad nauseam by Harriet and her supporters. The “irrelevant” policy Thomson cites is opposition to the war in Iraq and the illegal policy is support of the Norml 4.20 protests. Some eighty per cent of world opposed the war in Iraq – that students at Otago used their association to register their democratic opinion is not surprising or irrelevant. As for marijuana, probably 80% of students have smoked it at some stage and a majority no doubt support Norml’s action. A student magazine might be able to find that out. Thompson and Geoghegan say SGM’s discredit OUSA in the eyes of the Vice Chancellor and students because they involve student politics. Students care about issues that affect students, apparently, and OUSA should concentrate on that and only that. So what are these issues, Mr Thompson, Ms Geoghegan? Are they rising fees, or overpriced food, or departments being shut down in the middle of students’ degrees? It seems not. What about cold, damp, overpriced flats? I’ve seen jack about that in Critic 42

this year. You would think the shutdown of Gardies and the Bowler might meet their definition of what narrow interests students have but apparently not. The International Socialists have worked steadily for years on all of these concrete issues, without the resources - or the the salaries – of OUSA apparatchiks like Geoghegan and Thompson. On all these issues we have the support of the majority of students – and we put it to the test, as we did with the petition to raise the minimum wage - we don’t just make stupid asssertions about what students want or don’t want. Stuff that matters to students is student politics and it inevitably fits into a big picture. The real reason for this attack on the ISO and student politics in general is because Geoghegan and Thompson are lazy. Thompson asserts the food at Uni is overpriced – you’re the editor of Critic, don’t just assert it, research it, let people know, even, (shock, horror) do something about it! There is a huge amount an energetic, proactive, political OUSA could do to improve students lives. Bitching about how apathetic students are is just an excuse to pick up your pay check without doing your job. Derwin Smith, International Socialists. SEE HERE: THIS IS CLOSER TO AN ATTACK.

Hey Ben, Long-time reader, first-time writer. Kudos to you mate on your editorial this week, re: OUSA and student minorities. In my eyes you really hit the nail on the head with that one. As a fourth-year student I have thoroughly enjoyed my time in Dunedin thus far, and part of that is thanks to OUSA and the work they’ve done; I’m talking O-Week, Re-O, Unipol, etc, etc; and I remain blissfully ignorant of the rest of their shenanigans. However, for too long have I had a sneaking suspicion that student minorities are using student organisations, like OUSA, to drive their (typically) socialist agendas, when no one else will have them.

Look, everyone is entitled to the way they feel and are free to express that as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else, BUT PLEASE do not use me as a passenger in your bus to promote your ‘radical’ ideals. Up until now I have been vehemently against VSM, but now I am starting to see the light in Sir Rog’s argument. We should choose how we are represented and by whom. Alas, after last weeks attempt at a SGM (before you ask, I didn’t go either…), I’m not too sure the student body, eg your average Joe marketing major, gives a fuck. Anyway, here’s hoping shit can get done. Until next time (read: until something else grinds my gears), Cube NOW THIS IS DEFINITELY AN ATTACK.

Dearest International Socialists, It would give me the most immense pleasure to see you wounded by a large economics text book. I don’t know what blood smells like, but I’ve heard it’s iron-y. See what I did there? No, of course you don’t, because the socialist shit-stick beat all the sense out of you at birth. May the stench of a thousand rotting hoggets grace your nostrils for all eternity. Justice of the Peace P.S. To clarify, no physical harm is actually implied here, I just detest you vigorously. Ed. – Abridged. AGREEING WITH YOU THAT IT IS SAD. DOESN’T STOP IT BEING TRUE.

Good to see Critic at the SGM. Nice stock photos of an SGM last year... To sum up last week’s editorial: “so will the vocal minorities shut the fuck up and let the silent majority rule?” Ever heard of democracy, dweeb? It sounds like you missed the point. It appears you’re not the only one -19000 other students missed that memo. I guess it just wasn’t viral enough for them to see it on Youtube. It’s a sad day when university students no longer believe they can be the critics and conscience of society. This smacks of ‘oh well, let it be. I did nothing and I’m happy to be passive-agressively living my life

online, complaining about everything and doing nothing about it’... Dude, if it weren’t for special interest groups on campus, we wouldn’t have most of the political clout that we now have in parliament. How many MPs have been the vocal minority, ignored at first, but given a practical outlet to learn, and not just sitting-at-a-desk-ignoring-theworld-around-them, watching fluffy kittens online, flourished and given us some solid policy? These people have matured from those few active, out-spoken students, into the well-spoken leaders. Students: Stop listening to those who would silence your voices, and live loud and proud Bert. MORE SGM FUN.

Dear Editor, A couple of members of the OUSA executive stood up at the AGM on 13th May and made statements of fact which are incorrect. Some information might be in order. The Rowing Club/Aquatic Centre was not built as a result of a Student General Meeting motion. A motion was passed at an SGM but the executive felt that the meeting was stacked by the rowing club, so it decided to have a general referendum instead. The referendum was held and continued to show support for building the centre, attracting a lot more votes than the SGM. Regardless, the student body did not have the ability to make financial decisions for the association (contradicting what another executive member said at the SGM about how the constitution has been changed to prevent this now). The Aquatic Centre was built by executive motion after the referendum. The constitution was actually changed in 2000 to allow the executive to delegate financial decision-making to referenda, not the other way around (“21.2 Matters involving finance or administration, reserved elsewhere in these Rules for decision by the Executive, may only be referred to a Referendum by the Executive.”) Financial decisions had always been reserved to the executive. Lastly, at least a couple of people said that policy set at SGM is binding on the

association. This is not true. The only requirement of breaching OUSA’s internal or external policy is “11.7 If policy is breached it must be drawn to the attention of the next meeting of the body which set the policy by any officer of the Association who is aware of the breach.” That’s it. Regards, Kyle Matthews AND NOW AN SGM POEM!

The tyrant rose to stop our voice To try and limit a student’s choice To try and say to be political is wrong And so to democracy, so long. But NO, we said, as the good guys rose we fought back at el presidente’s prose Through speech and through valour We made the beaurocrat cower and voted down that evil motion. However, I implore all who would hear This is not the end, or so I fear Harriet’s plan has taken a blow but we must make sure it stays low. for the apolitical, the ones who hate all of us who would try and create a better world, they still exist and we fight them, you get my gist. So solidarity forever, and to a political union! AND NOW, ON TO THE IMPORTANT ISSUES …

Dear Get Over Yourselves You Puffer Jacket Wearing Longboard Riding Wankers, Fuck off fresher. Your sincerely, Matt AND WE CONTINUE …

Dear angry apologising fresher You’re blatant ignorance is reason enough to dislike you. Firstly don’t blame us second years for getting the toga parade cancelled, we were the ones wearing other peoples vomit and faeces on that day. If you want to blame any of the students here you can look to 3rd, 4th 5th years etc. But if you really knew anything about Otago you would know that in fact the people

who got the toga parade and the Undie 500 cancelled were mostly either out of town wankers or non-student drop kicks. In fact 60% of the arrests at the Undie 500 were of people from other cities. So stop ragging on students who’ve been here longer than you and accept the punishment that is being a fresher. It is customary to hate Freshers, you all stand in front of lecture doors and generally annoy most of the student body. Just be thankful you have it easy and you didn’t get pelted with vomit, shit, eggs, sperm bombs and frozen oranges. Also we didn’t ‘let’ the uni shut down anything, Businesses with negative profit don’t survive, the uni just happens to buy up any buildings near campus. You’re a douche. … AND CONTINUE

In response to Get Over Yourselves You Puffer Jacket Wearing Longboard Riding Wankers’s letter in last week’s Critic. Well done. The Critic is a main source for 2nd years and above, to proclaim themselves as far more superior to freshers, in whatever stupid way they deem legitimate. Although it is unfair to generalize 2nd years and above as ‘Puffer Jacket Wearing Longboard Riding Wankers,’ there are those who belittle freshers more than they should be. We were all freshers at one stage. Give them some slack. Regards, A 4th year Honours student. … AND CONTINUE SOME MORE

Dear Angsty Fresher c/o Critic, I, on behalf of everyone who isn’t a fresher, accept your apology, but I cannot help but notice a tinge of sarcasm to what you wrote. I understand why you’re upset. Obviously it is all our fault that you missed out on the incredible experience that is the toga parade/design school/Undie 500. We actually went absolutely mental last year so you and your little fresher friends would miss out. Rofl. Was it really necessary to get drunk and throw “faeces” at eachother? No. But we did 43

it anyway because we didn’t want you to have as much fun as us. That’s what makes us better than you, since you asked. You will never have a Uni experience like we did (refer to above activities that we have subsequently ruined). But don’t worry, I’m sure you and your mates can ruin other things through the course of your study here in Dunedin. Perhaps you could keep visiting the Octagon and put other first year bars out of business like you did with Gardies.(Yeah, you did that, not us). Stop trying to be trendy. Wear a puffer jacket like you’re supposed to and learn how to long board. GOSH! <3 I Was A Fresher Once DUN, DUN, DUN.

Dear Sir, ‘Overheard at UniOtago’, definitely a goer for creepiest site of the year. Is it up there with glass mountains, dodgems on Howe, resident cleansing, trashing and graffitti? Nah. It’s just a bunch of little creeps with no life, feeding off the vibrancy of others. Just as it is rude to stare in real life; it is rude to listen to other peoples conversations. It’s a social contract imperative in high density living, if anyone wants privacy. So stop feeding off the lives of others and get one of your own, you silly tweep. And any questions about me, come and ask. I respect that. Yours faithfully, Sue Heap HA. WHAT DOES ‘SINCERLY’ MEAN?

Dear Critic Regarding the article ‘Things you probably didn’t know about the human body’ in issue 11. Whilst browsing the above mentioned over lunch today I was somewhat surprised to see numerous bracketed alternative definitions for commonly used English words. Now while Defibrillation may not form part of everyone’s lexicon (this means vocabulary in case you wondered) words such as lactate, dilate and especially ejaculate 44

would I imagine, feature in a sizeable proportion of male student’s testosterone fuelled frontal lobes and in all probability on their girlfriends! Were these dumb explanations therefore actually necessary or are university entrants requirement for understanding English now so low that Critic writers are enforced to supply copy catering for the lowest common dominator (sic)? Sincerly Poltroon Loombucket

I would like to thank St David’s, because as much as I don’t want to be there, the seats are perfectly the right length to bum shuffle forward to the edge then rest my head back and have a fucking awesome nana nap. And it’s ten times better when it’s through some physics lecturer trying to tell us why physics is so god damn better than every other living thing!!! Cheers St David’s but stay the fuck out you stupid Health Scis’ until the lecture is over and people leave.

NOTE TO CAMPUS PLANNERS: MAKE LIBRARIES SOUNDPROOF.

A LETTER ABOUT SOME LETTER WE DIDN’T READ.

Ok the university is so retarded on so many levels but the one that takes the cake would have to be..... The official University of Otago idiot who decided that putting a string quartet next to a library with mesh walls was an excellent idea. Without us students you wouldn’t have a pay packet and some of us students actually use the library for study.In the future please think really hard about the logistics of similar situations yours truly, Prefers library quiet time

Dear Mickey Clark, In last week’s issue you mentioned you felt like going on a rant. “Oh good,” thought I, “I always enjoy reading a good rant.” However I was disappointed; not because of the nature of the subject matter of your rant, but because the subject matter was so obscured by poor spelling and grammar that I failed to follow it entirely. I noticed, for instance, that you mentioned, in caps lock, “doing something pracatical [sic].” I assume you meant “doing something practical.” But I am not writing to point out your errors. Rather I hope to give you some practical advice. There is a wondrous building on campus, full of books, shelves and shelves of them - we call this a library. Here people come singly or in groups to do what is commonly termed research. I thought that perhaps some of this research might benefit you practically in better articulating your point in future rants. I believe a dictionary would be of most benefit. Allow me to list some of these benefits: (1) you will be better equipped to get a real job, (2) you will be able to relate better with work colleagues, clients, etc, (3) you will undoubtedly earn more. I did however pick up one point in your rant that you are rather fond of accounting. Well it does not surprise me that you like dealing in numbers, as letters seem quite beyond you. But if you take my advice, I am sure you will be employed in no time. Yours, The Grammar Accountant - accounting for your errors

ALL OVER IT LIKE A RASH JOE.

Hey Ben. Just wondering if you could do some quick investigative journalism and figure out what percentage of my fees was spent on having a string quartet play for the bigwigs in the Link on Monday night? Dont get me wrong, Im a big fan of the classics, but concert FM will play that shit for free; and if they were serious about saving some money im sure that Mrs Skeggs would have been Ok with Dr/Proff/Sir/hubbie bringing the stereo from home for the night. Yours Joe Stockman OBLIGATORY LETTER FROM SOMEONE INCONVENIENCED BY SOMETHING.

From a Health Sci student – to probably a small but painfully annoying minority of you others, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing at 11.40 trying to get into noon PHSI. Seriously get a life, you’re giving us a bad name! But

WHAT? HONOURS! SO IS THAT, LIKE, ADVANCED TEASPOON LEVELLING?

Dear Editor, In issue ten, you mentioned how valuable the Food Science degree is for learning home-making skills. We are in our honours year and would like to thank you for outlining the importance of our degree. Our lecturers work very hard imparting upon us the necessary skills for being excellent housewives. We do feel though that our degrees would be of a higher standard if we were to combine with the Clothing and Textiles department as we used to in the 50’s. We are currently searching for suitable husbands to look after us financially and to be of eligible breeding stock for our 2.2 children. Please contact the department for our cell phone numbers. Yours Sincerely, The 400 level Food Science Debutantes. xoxo SORRY SOCIALISTS, JUST ONE MORE.

Dear OUSA, I think you deserve a big thank you for the splendid market day. In particular your choice of musician. Generally I’m a bit of a hater of the bands down by the food court due to their loud obtuse beats however today it was very pleasant listening to Crowded House cover’s whilst hiding away on the 8th floor of the Richardson building. The activities looks so inviting I even ventured downstairs to engage in some student culture, lets call this personal development. Thanks once again, A generally angry and confused individual :-) P.S. If you could give a stall to the International Socialists somewhere less central I believe the event could be even better! No: I do not want a side of socialism with my sandwich. Sorry I couldn’t help myself. Ed. – Abridged. ISN’T THAT NICE?

I haven’t had a funnier 3 hours in a long time. PS on a political note it wouldn’t hurt if some of the bigwigs around here went to these sorts of shows to see what the students really think...at first you think that they (Skegg, Chin, Dean of Arts etc) are really over exaggerated, but in fact the acting wasn’t far from the truth! Thanks for a good laugh Matt

OUSA BY-ELECTION VOTING Time to Represent! Voting for Health Science Divisional Representative and Post-graduate Representative, midnight on Wednesday 26 May until 4pm, Thursday 27 May. Vote on any computer at elections. ousa.org.nz

CALLING ALL VOLUNTEERS! The 2010 Tertiary Dance Festival seeks a team of enthusiastic volunteers to help run their national event on campus from 30 June – 3 July. To find out more, come to the Volunteers Meeting, Dance Studies Foyer, Monday 31 May @ 6pm or contact danceblogs2010@gmail.com. See you there!

DUNEDIN FILM SOCIETY SCREENING

red May 26: Close-Up, a richly laye fact. on d base iece terp mas ian Iran as A movie fanatic masquerades for a famous director and is tried fraud. Screening begins at 7:30 p.m. in the Red Lecture Theatre. Free to full members. Threemovie passes available. Website: dunedinfilmsociety.tripod.com

STUDENTSOUL Cafe church for students. Service Sunday 30 May 7pm George Street School Hall. Speaker: Selwyn Yeoman. Service Theme: Why look after the earth? Contact Helen on 0274730042.

LANTERN MAKERS WANTED Volunteers are needed to run thre weekend lantern-making workshops in July. It will be lots of fun and no experience is required. A training workshop will be held from 1-4pm in St Paul’s crypt on May 30. Contact the carnival office on 477 3350.

I just wanted to say what a great job the cast and crew of the capping show 2010 did. 45

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MMORPGs

Platform: PC

here are a great many MMORGS around these days. For those of you who don’t psoeak nerd, that’s ‘Massive Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games’. These are games like Ever Quest, Dark Age of Camelot, and World of Warcraft. It’s that turns every title into an acronym (EQ, DAoC, WoW, etc.). This game genre has been very successful, with both subscription and non-subscription games. However, the biggest titles in the field all have one thing in common: grinding. They require players to spend hours or days playing to gain one item, or level, or whatever. The new trend is for developers to promise that their new MMORPG has removed the grinding, and is more single-player friendly – but any study will show that the most popular games in this genre require grinding, and, unless Critic has completely missed something, people play these games instead of something like Oblivion for the chance to play with other people. A big problem with removing grinding is that a lot of MMORPG players play to increase the size of their e-penis (i.e. their electronic dick, that thing which grows when they can say “I have a level 80 Paladin”) ... why would they want to play a game where they couldn’t brag about wasting their life to obtain one item in a game that has no worth other than bragging rights? Developers develop games for a target audience. It appears a bit pointless for them to make games targeting gamers who aren’t interested. MMORPGs are played by a very specific audience. Players can play one game for years, so why not design the new games in this genre for them instead of saying “this game is for everyone, now give me your money every month!”

The Choir

Directed by Michael Davie

ilmed at one of South Africa’s most dangerous prisons, The Choir is a documentary that gives incredible insight into the lives of prisoners. The main subject of the film is 19-year-old Jabulani, who has been sentenced to seven years’ imprisonment for robbery. Jabu is in some ways a normal teenage boy. The posters on his cell wall include his idols, Nelly and Shaggy, as well as one scantily-clad bikini babe. But Jabu has experienced more than most 19-year-old boys you would know. Over the past few years, he has been shot twice, stabbed twice, and assaulted. Now in prison, his daily reality is inescapable violence and intimidation. He tells us that in jail, “If you are soft, you will become another man’s wife. He will sodomise you in return for his protection against others.” Luckily for him, there is a sanctuary within Leeukwop. Jabu joins the prison choir, a group of men and boys who look after each other and set a positive example for other inmates. The choir is led by father figure Coleman, who is in for 20-something years for a series of bank robberies. He’s not a bad guy – he just “loves money.” Coleman leads the choir in preparation for the National Prison Choir competition. The guys in the choir are having a great time; some of them even like life in prison with their choir mates better than life outside. A somewhat depressing yet ultimately uplifting story, The Choir is the best documentary I have seen in a while. The sad personal stories are tempered by the abundance of footage of the singing, dancing, and smiling choir members and their colourful prison outfits. Go and see this film: it will make you appreciate your own fabulous life, and maybe even elicit a few tears. It is screening now at the Metro Cinema. Every Jack Has a Jill

Directed by Jennifer Devoldere

tarring the beautiful Mélanie Laurent (Inglourious Basterds) and Justin Bartha (The Hangover), Every Jack Has a Jill (Jusqu’à Toi) is a sweet, better-than- -average romantic comedy. Chloé (Laurent) is a slightly eccentric, awkward French journalist who has never really connected with anyone. She believes that “real people are disappointing,” and is also afraid of telephones and ATMS. She is not a complete weirdo, but just has a slightly skewed idea of reality. Jack (Bartha) has just been dumped by his highly-strung, corporate bitch girlfriend, just after winning a trip to Paris for them to share “like they always wanted.” Jack never really wanted to travel in the first place, but, encouraged by his workmates, he decides to take the plunge, go to Paris, and find “a nice French girl to shag.” Things work out well when his suitcase gets lost and falls into the hands of Chloé. She takes a look at the contents of Jack’s suitcase and decides that he is the man of her dreams. In it, she finds Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s 100 Years of Solitude, which she just happens to have read 57 times. She decides to pursue this potential love interest, and leaves a bunch of photos of herself on his camera, (à la Amélie) to introduce herself and arrange a meeting. I won’t spoil the rest, but you get the picture. Although the story is a bit far-fetched, there are some moments of sincerity and realism, which are rarely found in romantic comedies these days. If you want a light-hearted, not too cheesy, cute, French film, this is probably right up your alley.

DUDSTOWN RUN THIS Booof speaks with Beau about, like, MCing and shit. Your role in the nightlife and musical culture of Dunedin is long and involved – how did you get started? Damn, you’re making me feel like an oldie! I first got into free-styling by mucking around and having fun. I listened to hip-hop a lot, but then I got serious with it. I started to get more seriously involved in hip-hop alongside my friend Ants, because she had turnies, followed by other genres. My first gig was at Re:Fuel at these multi genre parties called Convergence. Basically one thing led to another and it was a natural progression. From being an live MC, through to running your own clothing line and releasing mixtapes and organising parties, and producing your own beats, your involvement with music and the grind is multi-faceted. Do you think this is a necessity for being successful in this game, or do you actually need to have five hundred things going on at once to keep you entertained? I don’t think its imperative that an artist is multi-faceted but it doesn’t hurt to at least have a basic understanding of how things work in terms of everything besides the music. I guess I’m talking about the business side of things. If you don’t have some idea of how things work and what you’re worth, somebody somewhere will definitely shaft you. It’s funny – a lot of artists become totally useless as soon as you mention the ‘business’ word but then again there are some great entrepreneurs within the music industry, too. Personally, some days I would love to delegate some things to other people to let me focus on the music more, but I don’t trust anybody as much as I do myself to promote me and my brand. I have been doing it for so long now that I don’t know that there’s anybody who could do it better. At the moment, you’re working on an album – what is the focus of this album? Any mad collabos in the pipelines? My debut album is titled On My Way and is scheduled for release later in 2010 through my label Dudstown Recordings. I’m working with a whole bunch of cats – locally this includes Woosh (SBK), Max Dad E, Nga AKA Kozmo (Koile), Amin Payne, Jesse Jahmal. There are some high profile collaborations in the works too, but its all under wraps at this point. There will definitely be some heavy hitters. How many kicks do you actually own? To be honest, too many kicks – over 50 or 60. Favorite ones are my Reeboks – shot Greg! Shameless product endorsement. I have a problem, I know. Do you wanna battle? I’m pretty good. Ha ha, you can try. Get in line.

STOP PRESS For one day only, DJ Fitchie, a.k.a. Mu of Fat Freddy’s Drop, will be in Dunedin to hype up the Fat Freddy’s Drop Theatre tour taking place at the Regent on June 6. DJ Fitchie will be performing on Radio One 91FM from 3-4pm on Wednesday, followed by a free show at Bath Street on the Wednesday night, with support from Booof and the Dunedin Soul Mafia.

Dead White Men & Other Important People: Sociology’s Big Ideas

Ralph Fevre and Angus Bancroft Palgrave

ead White Men is sociology’s answer to Jostein Gaardner’s Sophie’s World, but it’s not quite as good. As in Sophie’s World, Fevre and Bancroft attempt to introduce the big ideas of their discipline (here sociology, rather than western philosophy) via a story about a girl: Mila is a first-year sociology undergraduate trying to keep her identity a secret. Her father has just been found guilty of fraud in a massively publicised trial, and she is anxious not to be recognised for fear of the social repercussions. Dead White Men chronicles Mila’s intellectual and personal journey as she comes to grips with (and has many conversations about) sociological theories and applies them to her own life, especially with respect to the secret she is harbouring. Dead White Men gets some thing right. I found it accessible, both as a novel and as an introduction to sociology; the prose is not eloquent, but it’s not distractingly bad (as one might reasonably expect from non-novelists) and the integration of the sociological theories into conversations is certainly an effective pedagogical tool. My only two complains about content are that firstly, the authors need to brush up on other fields (e.g., psychology) if they’re not going to totally mislead their readers with silly caricatures, and secondly, I finished the book unconvinced that sociology wasn’t just armchair social psychology (with some political philosophy thrown in). Of course, one might retort that I’d say that, wouldn’t I, since I’m a social psychologist. (But then my PHIL 105 students will point out that that’s just an ad hominem argument ...) I learnt a lot from Dead White Men, but it’s hard for me to judge how good a job Fevre and Bancroft have done in simplifying their field’s major theories. And since the purpose of the book is educational rather than literary, I think they’ve done a good job. Of course, neither Gaarder nor Fevre and Bancroft have done for their field what Lewis Carroll did for logic in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, but that’s another story.

King Lear

Gareth Hinds Candlewick Press

areth Hinds’ graphic novel adaptation of Shakespeare’s King Lear bridges the gap between prose and performance with seductive, original artwork. The famous tragedy follows King Lear’s descent into madness after his decision to divide his land between his three daughters based on how well they flatter him. His youngest daughter doesn’t make the cut, and her exile is the beginning of Lear’s unravelling and a tale of deceit and revenge. Sons betray brothers, trusted friends are banished, and servants and madmen are not who they appear to be. Hinds sticks to Shakespeare’s original text for the most part and stays true to the plot and subplots. Typical to a Shakespearian tragedy, most characters are doomed to death from the beginning and the abundance of storms, battles, executions, poisoning, eye-gouging, and insanity provides many opportunities for Hinds to display his artistic style and flexibility. The artist achieves his aim of making one of Shakespeare’s works more accessible to audiences who may not have access to a live performance and find simply reading a play unsatisfying. With its abridged content and unmistakably Gareth-Hindsy interpretation, it may not be suitable for study, but it provides an entertaining alternative to paying attention in lectures. One of the few things that prevent the reader from becoming completely immersed in the pen-and-watercolour world is the text. The Times New Roman text plonked willy-nilly among the characters breaks the flow of the story and is sometimes difficult to follow, despite the dotted lines intended to lead us between lumps of dialogue. Spending time developing suitable lettering and thinking more as a graphic novelist than as an artist would benefit the overall appearance and coherence of the book. This is not Hinds’ first graphic novel adaptation of a classic, or even of Shakespeare’s works, and it can only be hoped that he reads this review somehow before making the same mistakes in his current project, The Odyssey.

The Wives of Henry Oades

Johanna Moran Harper Press

he Wives of Henry Oades is Johanna Moran’s debut novel, and not a bad one to kick off a writing career either. Set in the 1890s, it follows the tale of Henry Oades as he uproots his family from England to Wellington, New Zealand. However, after angering a Maori tribe, Henry finds his home incinerated and his family – his wife Meg, and their four children – abducted. After waiting for years in vain, he finally abandons all hope that his family is alive, and leaves for San Francisco to start anew. But the plot thickens: it turns out that his wife and three of the children are alive! However, their fantasies of a joyful reunion are dashed when they finally track him down and turn up to his new property, only to find him remarried. Hence, the wives – plural – of Henry Oades. The mother of all scandals ensues as the narrow-minded, conservative townsfolk take out their anger on the Oades, and we see this odd family unify and come to understand each other. The novel is very emotionally charged and what with all the events that go on, it’s no wonder Meg’s character doesn’t just collapse. I really admired her strength to continue, even after all the adversity and the weight of finding out the love of your life was now in love with someone else. Actually most of Moran’s female characters are strong, perhaps hinting at some personal feminist views. It was also interesting to read the American Moran’s account of the Maori. When I first picked up the book, I thought it had to be Kiwi-written, as how many authors outside New Zealand write about Maori? Moran doesn’t do too bad a job, depicting the tribe as perceived as ‘savages’ by the Europeans, but shows they have some heart when they let the family go. She even managed to slip in some Maori words, like tapu and mana. All in all, a good read; one for grabbing a mug of hot chocolate and curling up on the couch with.

U Up in the Air

Walter Kirn John Murray

p in the Air. Now a major motion picture. What a great way to get someone to read your book. From the trailers, I envisaged the book would be about some hot-shot sweet talker whose entire job consisted of travelling the vastness of the United States and telling CEOs that they were fired. An airborne Donald Trump, if you will. However, what I got was something different. I was initially bombarded with a big spiel about life in ‘Air World’, the makeshift home in the airport lounges and aeroplanes that the protagonist, Ryan Bingham, has become accustomed to due to the nature of his work. His official title is Careers Transition Counsellor, and it is made quite clear in the book that his job isn’t to fire or find new jobs for the fired; Careers Transition Counsellors are brought in to console, motivate, and help make the transition for the newly unemployed. So much for the trailer. Interwoven through Ryan’s journey to reach his ultimate goal of 1 000 000 air point miles, the reader encounters oddball CEOs in desperate need of counselling, Ryan’s battle to accommodate the needs of his grounded family, a mysterious identity, and, of course, various women from his past. After battling past the initial Air World soliloquy, I found the rest of the book to have slightly more depth, although this could have been due to turns in the plot rather than character development. However, I found the ending entirely perplexing, even after re-reading it a few times. This was disappointing as I thought Ryan’s journeys would have led up to some impressive ending where everything tied up nicely, only to be let down at the last minute. No, I’m not giving it away. Despite these negative points, Kirn’s writing style is smooth, and I was particularly impressed with his eloquence when describing Ryan’s impressions of the world. I also found the idea of writing from a chronic traveller’s point of view rather original. While I enjoyed reading Up in the Air as a piece of light fiction, I can’t say I’m going to rush to the cinema to see the screen version anytime soon.

pReview The 39 Steps

Adapted by Patrick Barlow Original concept by Simon Corble and Nobby Dimon Directed by Hilary Norris Starring Patrick Davies, Anna Henare, Mark Neilson and Danny Still Fortune Theatre Mainstage May 21 – June 12

supremely funny spoof of Alfred Hitchcock’s classic movie, The Fortune Theatre’s current production The 39 Steps promises to bring its audiences alluring sex-bombs, trains, guns, leaps from tall structures, mad chases, suspense, old fashioned goodies and baddies, plus a dizzying wit that will apparently leave you laughing for days. Critic met with actors Patrick Davies and Anna Henare to discuss The 39 Steps, the play that requires Hitchcock’s classic film be performed, almost verbatim, by an ensemble cast of four. How is this even possible, you might ask? Davies is the first to admit that taking on such a task can be a bit of a ‘sweat-waster.’ Where the comedy in The 39 Steps relies largely on the abilities of the ensemble to execute lightning-fast changes in physicality, accents, and gender, and occasionally for them to play multiple characters at once, the audience is really in the hands of the actors. If the actors are having a good time, the audience will too, and luckily the rapport between Davies and Henare suggests to me that this play will be nothing if not fun for the actors themselves. The 39 Steps promises to be “slick, clever and hilarious” (Henare) and an ‘anonymous’ cast member suggested The 39 Steps would be particularly hilarious after a “couple of bevvies.” I, at least, am happy to take (his) word for it.

LTT Review Mind Under

Written by Kiri Beeching Directed by Richard Huber Staring Kiri Beeching and Richard Huber

his debut performance (a debut for both the play and the playwright) of Mind Under was bold and exciting, the exact kind of experimentation Lunchtime Theatre should be used for. The performance was tastefully directed by Huber; the blocking, along with the subtle and playful lighting designed by Janis Cheng, allowed Beeching’s partially undressed body to be exposed without being confronting. Beeching and Huber were interesting to watch and watching them engage in some of the dialogue from within the audience was a particular highlight. Though not specifically breaking the fourth wall the actors seeped into the audience, offering us a fascinating perspective as we became privileged to witness their private interactions. I would suggest that subtle manipulation of the audience was needed to instil the uneasy feeling that they themselves were voyeurs watching this “third-rate stripper in a two-bit strip club.” This needed to be carefully directed and would only have succeeded if the obvious vulnerability of Huber’s character was felt to its full effect. As it stood everything was a little hazy: I didn’t believe that Huber was particularly uncomfortable and thus I couldn’t invest in the reality of the environment. Every moment needed to be sharp and precise, and the performance lacked because of this failing. Unfortunately, overall, this production was a bit ‘same-y’. I wanted the routine to be broken, I wanted something to happen, but it was all very predictable; very Pretty Woman. The script itself had a certain wit and beauty to it but I think there needed to be more differentiation in the way it was presented to help render it fully formed. I don’t want to suggest that this performance was under-rehearsed, but I fear it may have been. Despite this I do think that Mind Under was bold, interesting, and exciting. This piece has a lot of potential and I would love to see it re-staged with a little more time and care put into honouring Beeching’s script and all its charm, beauty, and humour.

Beloved: Works from the Dunedin Public Art Gallery

DPAG Until Oct 30 2011

o Critic finally got around to seeing Beloved at the Dunedin Public Art Gallery, a large and diverse exhibition commemorating the gallery’s 125th anniversary. The show flaunts the gallery’s permanent collection and celebrates six centuries of art from New Zealand and abroad. The show dominates the bottom floor of the gallery, and is divided into various sections based on aesthetic sensibility rather than date. Each room is painted a different bold colour, which, while at points is a touch overwhelming, grounds the display in a fun and contemporary atmosphere. After seeing a quick taste of the eclectic mix in the foyer – the stunning circular pre-Raphaelite work Eros next to a Goldie and an Angus – you enter the large blue room called ‘New Sensations’. I was surprised to be confronted by a massive glittering wall of small metallic discs depicting a simplified twilight beachscape. Reuben Patterson’s work twinkles in constant motion from the large fan positioned in front of it and, though this ‘70s work now seems at bit gaudy, it demands the viewer’s attention for a prolonged moment. Elsewhere in this section is an abstract tilted canvas of Milan Mrkusich, a bizarre and comical assemblage work by Don Driver, a lurid expressionist Philip Clairmont painting, and the iconic simplified koru of Gordon Walters. In the other sections of the exhibition, contemporary works hang next to centuries-old portraits, landscapes, and religious works from around the globe. Led down into the small ‘Spiritualised’ room by Michael Parakowhai’s ‘koru colonnade’ of light boxes, you end up smack in front of a giant unstretched McCahon canvas, The Five Wounds of Christ. Surrounded by religious paintings from pre to high Renaissance, McCahon’s monochromatic abstract cross certainly stands out, but this grouping allows for a different reading of the work than if it were hung with other abstract works of its time. The same goes for Robin White’s regionalist portrait of Sam Hunt and Frances Hodgkin’s floating still life, which are grouped with lavish and decadently framed portraits in the ‘Gender Face-Off’ room. The show is curated with a novel and vibrant approach. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of contemporary works on show and the juxtaposition of new and old made for a refreshing viewing experience.