ISSUE 14, 2010

ISSUE 14 / TUESDAY JUNE 8TH / 2010

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18 CENTRAL AMERICA 24 AOTEAROA'S URBAN WILDERNESS 26 THE FAR EAST

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33 Soap Box

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C K PA GE

BA 35 COLUMNS

49 GAMES 45 BOFS

50 MUSIC 46 LETTERS

52 FILM

54 BOOKS

56 PERFORMANCE

57 ART

Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington.

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This week we bring you the Travel Issue. What better way to procrastinate from exams than by day-dreaming about all the places you would rather be? We’ve run with the travel theme this week because there is no better time to book a summer holiday than during the depths of despair that is studying for exams.

If the places we’ve suggested don’t appeal or are way too expensive, then how about exploring our urban jungles right here at home? Our official tourism website insists that “Kiwis are as likely to visit an Asian restaurant or modern art gallery as they are to attend a rugby game or milk a cow!” On p24, Susan Smirk embarks on a dubious quest to prove that this nation is a global equal by investigating New Zealand’s ten official cities.

Susan also ventured to the Far East just to bring us back a perfect itenary to complete in the gap between end-of-year exams finish and Christmas (see p26). If you have more time on your hands this summer, Jennifer Turek explores Central America for the entire summer break on p18.

Changing gears, Georgie Fenwicke has nabbed another interview with a big news-maker, speaking this week to former Otago student and All White Andy Boyens who is in Austria after his big win over Serbia (p17).

If that isn’t enough procrastination material, we’ve dedicated a whole page for you to colour in on p39. Enjoy.

If you’ve been paying attention to our news pages this year, you will have seen that changes are afoot towards a ‘new and improved’ OUSA. Last week it was moves toward online SGMs, and this week it is a new structure for the Executive.

Personally, I think both are moves in the right direction, but both are off to a wonky start. For example, bundled in with the proposal to move SGMs online is that the Exec gets sign-off on SGM motions. WTF? They say this would be merely checking to ensure that motions aren't inappropriately worded or stupid. (Frequently SGM motions are off by a word or two, meaning they have no actual effect.) But why does the Exec need to decide? Why would it be a political decision? It looks bad and the effective veto power could easily be abused. Why not give someone apolitical like OUSA Secretary Donna

Jones (who is extremely capable) the checklist when motions come in and then assess them according to that, completely independently?

Keep the Exec as far removed from the process as possible.

Secondly, the proposed Executive structure would see it cut down from an unwieldy 17 members to a more manageable 10. All the ‘Representative’ positions would be culled from the Executive itself, but would still exist outside of the Executive. I think that makes sense – I don’t see why the Women’s Rep, Commerce Rep or the Pacific Islands Rep, for example, need to be involved in Exec business outside of their portfolio. Furthermore, in addition to the existing Reps there could be lots of other Reps for other student groups who feel they need representation.

It is unclear at this stage if they would be elected or appointed. And positions could exist or not exist from year to year depending on demand.

On paper, it sounds good to me. But I’m worried by the potential for things to get less simple and more unwieldy when translated from paper to practise. For example, would the Reps get paid, and how much? OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan says the options they are looking at could be that they’re paid for ten hours a month, rather than ten hours a week as is the case currently. Sounds pretty shit, but then, I guess, they’d be doing less ‘Exec stuff’ like sausage sizzles and the like and could spend their time focussing on representing and advocationg for their constituency.

Our news team tries to break it down on p10.

Geoghegan sees a new OUSA Exec structure as a central part of her Presidency and the changes, if implemented, would be her legacy.

It is at the ‘first draft’ stage at the moment and submissions are welcome until the end of the week. Download the report from our Facebook page, read it, and let Geoghegan know what you think. I know a lot of people disagree with me about all this: the International Socialists’ James Gluck, who writes our Soap Box on p33 this week, would be one of them.

Then, of course, there’s the one thing all this Executive restructuring definitely does not address: why does no one give a shit?

And finally, it is Simon Wallace’s last issue as Music Editor this week. He’s been great, and we’ll miss him.

Oh, and good luck for exams. See you next semester!

Critic – Te Arohi PO Box 1436, Dunedin (03) 479 5335 critic@critic.co.nz www.critic.co.nz Editor in Chief: Ben Thomson Designer in Chief: Gala Hesson Creative Director: Dreke Verkuylen Features Writers: Susan Smirk Caitlyn O’Fallon Thomas redford News Editor: Gregor Whyte News Reporters: Rory MacDonald JuLIA HOLLINGSWORTH Sub Editor: Marie Hodgkinson Music Editor: Simon Wallace Film Editor: Max Segal Books Editor: Jonathan Jong Performance Editor: Jen Aitken Feature ILLUSTRATOR: TOM GARDEN And a substantial army of volunteers.

Advertising:

Kate Kidson Tim Couch Dave Eley LOGAN VALENTINE Ad. Designer: Daniel Alexander PH: (03)4795361 kate@planetmedia.co.nz WWW. planetmedia.co.nz

05

Gore’s Privates Dodgy Indian

Prepared for the Best

Numbers

Five Finger Discount

CNN accidentally published Al Gore’s private email address in a story about Al Gore’s separation from his wife. The news article included a link to a PDF of an email Al and Tipper sent to their friends, announcing the separation and asking for their privacy to be respected. The address was eventually blacked out, but not before thousands of people had had a chance to disrespect Gore’s privacy.

The Fox News Channel already have an obituary prepared for party girl Lindsay Lohan’s death, and are merely “one push of a button away from announcing that Lindsay has died”. It’s good to be prepared.

$4000 - amount Lady Gaga recently spent on ghost hunting equipment. 46277 - number of times the word “and” appears in the bible. 1/3 - of all funeral processions in Taiwan feature a stripper. 1890 - year that Christmas became a national holiday in the USA

A pigeon has been arrested in India after it was found with a Pakistani telephone number written on it in red ink. The bird is being kept in a locked room under armed police guard, and presumably has not been allowed out to the yard to mingle with the other inmates.

A former Governor of Colorado was discovered to have been keeping a US$5million moon rock awarded to the state on his mantelpiece. The rock, which had been missing for years, was one of 180 distributed to all the states and 130 foreign nations by the Nixon administration.

Epic Piss-head Overheard

Zee Germans

More Riots

Naughty Schoolgirls?

A six-pack, this time not of So Go’s, led to a riot in New Jersey, after a star of the popular reality TV show Jersey Shore, Michael ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino, caused a riot by showing a crowd of 3000 his rippling abs. The crowd got so excited that the Chief of Police had to personally ask The Situation to put his shirt back on. Better hope he doesn’t come to Gardies.

A drunken New York man survived a fall from a third story balcony, in which he sloppily impaled his head on a fence spike. The man was freed from the fence by an electric saw and rushed to hospital, where a de-tox program is sure to follow removal of the spike.

Guy talking to girl with Law Exam the next day.

Guy: Bro I forgot to get you those A class drugs.

Girl: Too late now, I’m fucked.

Guy: It’s never too late, we’ll mellow you out with some smack, then kick it back up with some Ritalin, You’ll be all good.

From the Overheard @ Uni of Otago Facebook Page

A woman in America has become the latest victim of the rare condition Foreign Accent Syndrome. After falling and hitting her head the woman started speaking English with a heavy foreign accent, and is now, in typical American fashion, suing someone for US$1million.

A school principal in Florida says there is nothing he can do about the schools website namesake being owned by a porn company. Pace High School’s domain name is owned by a porn company called PimpRoll, who specialize in ‘pimpilicious porn’.

Since this was discovered male enrolments at Pace High School have skyrocketed.

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The Dunedin City Council has done its best to ensure trouble on the night of June 19 by passing a temporary liquor ban to cover much of North Dunedin, timed to coincide with the last night of the Gardies Tavern and the All Blacks vs. Wales test match at Carisbrook.

In specifically targeting the date as a likely cause of student unrest, the DCC has made it much more likely that unrest will happen, a problem compounded by the Council’s refusal to organise an alternative event on the same night. At a meeting held on Tuesday last week several councillors attempted to introduce the idea of an alternative event to head off possible crowd trouble focused around the closure of the iconic student tavern. However the recommendation was defeated by a single vote, and a liquor ban extending from June 18-20 was adopted as a measure to prevent unrest.

Previous years, however, have shown the ineffectiveness of liquor bans in coping with student unrest. Liquor bans have been in place for the last three Undie 500 weekends and, instead of curbing trouble, were seen as antagonistic.

Many have suggested that by putting a liquor ban in place the DCC is again inviting trouble and drawing unnecessary attention to the event. One commenter on Critic’s Facebook page posted: “Does the council honestly think that hyping the event up like this is going to help? Media hype is going to ruin this event by comparing it to the ‘riots’ before it even begins and getting ideas into peoples stupid skulls. Good work [Mayor Peter] Chin etc, you’ve just fucked yourselves.”

The Otago Daily Times reported that Chin questioned what responsibility the DCC had to help organise something to accommodate the huge influx of people expected at and around Gardies, other than providing the police with extra powers to control the crowd.

Another Facebook commenter said that for a mayor of a student city, Chin “really does not seem to understand the mentality of the average student.”

OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan also 08

slammed the DCC decision. However she praised individual councillors for attempting to address the problem proactively and organise an alternative event, going so far as sending them an email commending them for their efforts. Geoghegan, speaking to the ODT, added “The fact that people are flying from out of town for this event suggests it is not just an issue for students, but for the image of the city as a whole.”

The hype surrounding the closing of Gardies contrasts with the relative absence of media attention, and trouble, that accompanied a party organised on Facebook to mourn the tavern’s sale earlier in the year.

Afterwards, many students spilled onto the street and peacefully made their way home or to other bars in town.

The owner of the Gardies Tavern, Pete Innes-Jones, speaking to the ODT, said he

was taking precautions to ensure that the pub’s last night did not get out of hand.

Among these was a no-entry policy after the test kickoff at 8pm, and a plan to cut off entry below the bar’s licensed capacity of 550. In addition extra security would be rostered on, and no drink specials would be offered. Innes-Jones said had no desire to “fuel stupidity.”

Further demonstrating the inspired leadership this city has to offer, Dunedin Area Police Commander Inspector Dave Campbell was less logical, and more religious, in his approach to controlling students on the weekend, telling the ODT he was “praying for rain – a downpour would be excellent.” In the lead-up to last year’s Undie 500 chaos, Chin publicly said he was hoping for snow to close the motorway into the city.

The University of Otago Council will today vote on recommendations from the University Senate to restrict enrolments for the 2011 academic year. The vote is a result of an influx of domestic enrolments which has pushed the University well beyond its Government funding for Equivalent Full Time Students (EFTS). As a result, this year the University is supporting over 500 EFTS places for which it does not receive Government funding.

Among the recommendations being considered by the Council is a cap on Summer School enrolments at 300 EFTS, down from the present 350, and a reduction in sub-degree qualifications offered by the University. However the major proposed change is the creation of a two-tiered entry system. This would see high-achieving students receive guaranteed entry on the basis of their Year 12 NCEA marks. All other students would be ranked, primarily on the basis of their Year 13 marks, and over subscribed courses would be subject to entry determined by ranking. There would, however, be the facility for Maori and Pacific Island students to gain priority entry.

In addition to these changes there would also be a tightening of domestic student transfers from other universities in New Zealand, such that if a student had failed over half their course at another university they would not be permitted to enrol at Otago for a two year period following such failure.

OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan says the changes are similar to those in place at Victoria, Massey and Auckland Universities. “Students who do really well will get guaranteed or preferential entry based on Year 12 marks, and from then on they will be ranked,” she says. “The change is one required for the University to keep giving current students quality degrees and the proposed model is a fair one.”

The vote does indeed come hot on the heels of Massey University announcing that it will adopt a point based system for entry, following Auckland and Victoria’s example.

New Zealand Union of Students Association Co-President David Do said that these tougher entry standards will deny able students access to university. “More than half of New Zealand’s university campuses have effectively closed off second semester entry and are moving towards limited entry next year. By turning away from open entry, a system that gave all suitably qualified New Zealanders a fair go, this year marks a sad turning point away from this cornerstone of our tertiary education system.”

However the Government is unsympathetic, with Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce saying that schools and universities should look to offering thousands more places to international students as an economic lifeline for institutions.

The government were branded “cheapskates” by Labour tertiary education spokeswoman Maryan Street for relying on overseas money to prop up the tertiary sector. “I have no problem with universities having international students, but there will be a problem if the arrival of international students squeezes out New Zealand students,” Street says. “We have got New Zealanders knocking on universities’ doors and having them closed in their faces.”

09

Monday Queen’s Birthday

Tuesday “Effects of Patterned Stimulation on the Corticocortical Pathways of the Rat Brain.”

1pm, Room HC122, Hercus Building

Wednesday Exams start “Plants on a High? The Use of New Zealand Living Roofs to Camouflage Buildings, Create Sustainable Buildings, and Enhance Biodiversity.”

12pm, Benham Seminar Room

Thursday Ruins (Ruínas) movie screening 6pm, Castle 1

The report of the OUSA Governance Structure Review working party was released this week. The review was begun in July last year to investigate the effectiveness of governance and representation in OUSA as an organisation.

The report identifies a number of problems with the current system, including the inefficiency of a 17-strong executive and the difficulty for Execcies councillors in balancing both a governance and representation role.“This group is too large to be an efficient and effective governing board, but not large enough to be an efficient and effective representative body.”

To combat these problems, the report proposes a reduction of Executive members from 17 to 10. The current 20-hour-a-week Vice President role is to be divided into two 10-hour positions, one administrative and one financial, although these hours would be likely to change. A welfare officer, an education officer, and five general representatives would make up the remainder of the council. The report advocates a “bottom-up” system, involving more students in a bid to “reconnect and engage with our student members, in a way that hasn’t happened arguably since the 1990s.”

Under the proposed changes OUSA would coordinate better with effective structures that are already in place, such as OCOM and Te Roopu Maori, rather than try to have specific positions to represent these groups on the council.

Under the new structure, all students can apply to be part of a variety of committees,

thereby allowing more opportunities for student leadership. Attributing greater power to these new committees should also act as check and balance on the Executive.

New Postgrad Representative Travis Monk is concerned about the lack of postgraduate representation on the proposed new Executive.

In response to concerns about the lack of representation, OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan says groups will be represented in committees that feed views up to the Executive, which will act as more of a “liaison point.” “Some OUSA committees already function like this – with decisionmaking and grunt work delegated to a smaller group with expertise … The proposed structure gives the flexibility and scope for as many groups as possible to be represented.”

She does admit however that postgraduate representation is still an issue that needs to be ironed out.

Geoghegan and General Rep John Philipson, who are both members of the working party which drated the report, took care to emphasise that this report is only a first draft, and the specifics are still to be settled upon. Queer Rep Ros Mackenzie says that the structure would rely on finer details and the effectiveness of the committee structure. Geoghegan is asking for feedback that will be taken into account when constructing the second draft.

A decision needs to be made before this year’s election nominations open, otherwise the Executice structure would remain unchanged in 2011.

OUSA’s annual operating surplus fell by just under $300 000 last year, a figure that may have an impact on the organisation’s ability to provide services to students. At the end of 2008, OUSA had an operating surplus of $1 002 902. At the end of 2009, however, this figure was down to $705 719.

As OUSA General Manager Stephen Alexander explained to Critic, the diminishing surplus was not due to carelessness or poor management, but rather was a product of the international credit crisis. Alexander says that OUSA gains a portion of its income from interest, and at the time of budgeting interest rate rates were at around eight percent. However, the market crash slashed the interest rate to four percent, leaving OUSA short on that income line.

The other income stream that fell short was advertising and sponsorship, again linked to the credit crisis. However, OUSA did do well in other areas and total revenue rose, although not as much as was budgeted for. Levy income continued to be an important source of income, and Alexander said “revenue was up as well as other commercial income. The University Book shop also did very well.”

OUSA also managed a $300 000 building refurbishment of Clubs and Socs in 2009, which dented the surplus, but which was a necessary investment according to Alexander. “[It’s about] providing for the

future, spending on buildings is commitment to the future,” he says. “[Clubs and Socs] needed substantial money spent on it, to put it in a condition where it is really suitable and attractive to our members.”

This upgrade consisted of a muchneeded general uplift, and the installation of new shower facilities.

While OUSA has managed to fare reasonably well even during the financial crisis, it is necessary to look towards the future, as indicated by Alexander at the Executive meeting on April 27. Alexander said that OUSA needs large reserves to operate in the next year, and that he didn’t like operating on such a small surplus.

Alexander stated that in the worst-case scenario OUSA might have to look at its total operations and assets, and start unwinding some non-productive services. However, this outcome is unlikely in the near future, as OUSA has had a good operating year so far, and isn’t expecting any adverse external shocks to the budget.

This surplus drop comes at a time when all student associations are in limbo due to the proposed introduction of Voluntary Student Membership. However the OUSA Executive and Management seem to be sensibly buffering the budget, both to provide for future capital expenditure, and to deal with the possibility of VSM becoming a reality.

After a semester of hard work, early morning classes, and inebriation, exams are finally here, with the first taking place tomorrow morning. Exams are administered

by Academic Services, who were helpful enough to give us a few details about this examination window.

In total, including distance-learning papers, there will be 508 exams held during the cycle, and they will be watched over by 104 kindly Examination Supervisors (most of whom look like they have been plucked from the local bingo hall). There are a grand total of 14 266 individual candidates, with most sitting multiple exams. The most popular paper, HUBS191, has 2019 candidates sitting it. The exams run over 13 days, broken up by several exam-free days, and are held in 36 main examination rooms.

In order to provide a little respite from the stress of the exam period, OUSA will again be running several promotions. These include $2 student taxis home from the library, a free piece of fruit with triangle sandwiches from The Fridge and the Campus Shop, and the $2 exercise classes at UniPol. Albany Café also has $2.50 hot chocolates after 5pm for late-night studiers.

For this week only OUSA has also decided to put on a free breakfast from 8-9am in the Gazebo Lounge, and a mystery exam pack drop will also take place in the Central Library at an undisclosed time.

OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan wished all students the best for their exams and shared her tip on improving exam performance: “Take a few jellybeans into the exam and eat them when you are feeling low on energy – instant boost.”

edgy

Last week’s Exec meeting spanned two boardroom visits, much to everyone’s dismay.

The extra event proposal, a.k.a the Exec’s attempt to mitigate Undie 500 riots, was discussed. The plan is to have a rugby face off between the universities of Canterbury and Otago, with a gig afterwards.

Apparently similar events happened in the past before Canterbury “got all bogan.”

The responsibility to organise this fell on Events, although it is to be underwritten by the campaigns initiative budget line. James was incredibly antsy about underwriting the event, presumably preferring blood in the streets to a bad budget line, and voted against the motion.

Constitutional changes were next on the agenda, with a focus on online SGMs. Concerns were raised about ‘referendum fatigue’, a possible new condition that

could arise if students have to express their opinion on too many issues. Another proposed change was a screening process for SGMs, whereby student motions would be selected by the Exec prior to voting.

After Dan pointed out how much power the Exec would get with this effective veto, the atmosphere brightened, and the Exec quickly passed a motion supporting the fundamental core of the model and directing Harriet to investigate. Dan ‘Good Guy’ Stride abstained.

Extreme Meeting: Part Two welcomed replacement Postgrad Rep Travis Monk and Youthline was chosen as the new Capping Show charity, “pending their acceptance” of course.

The operational report was discussed in excruciating detail. In short, satisfaction with OUSA is high among first-years (idiots),

The Education and Science Select Committee lands in Dunedin tomorrow to hear oral submissions regarding the Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Bill.

The committee is expected to hear from a sizeable list of submitters, overwhelmingly consisting of those in opposition to the bill.

OUSA President Harriet Geoghegan will present a submission on behalf of the Association, and the Otago Polytechnic Students’ Association will also make a submission. Mayor Peter Chin is expected to speak against the bill, as are UniQ Otago and OUSA Executive members Imogen Roth and Dan Stride.

In addition to submitting against the bill, Geoghegan will give a tour of OUSA

facilities and services to Committee member and National MP for Tamaki, Allan Peachey. The tour will encompass a look at the services and support the organisation provides for students, as well as a look at the various assets managed by the association.

An invitation to join the tour was extended to all the Select Committee members, but Peachey was the only one to accept.

The Select Committee had to extend the date by which it is to report back to Parliament after receiving a huge volume of submissions regarding the proposed bill. The vast majority of written submissions opposed the bill, and the number of oral submissions against is also expected to outweigh those in support by a substantial margin at every hearing.

and peters off as students get further up in the system (cynics). OUSA General Manager Stephen Alexander congratulated the Exec on getting to grips with the organisation much faster than any other Executive before them.

Much of Part Two was spent discussing the governance structure review. John Phillipson, a member of the working party, introduced the report with a self-confessed ‘Dan Stride’ speech, stating that the report is a “blue-print for greater representation in our future.” The conversation got a little heated, concluding with a motion that feedback would be taken into account, and a second draft formulated for a future meeting.

John seemed distressed about altering the proposal, so who knows what kind of changes will actually be made.

World Blood Day

China Time

Next Monday June 14 marks World Blood Donor Day, with this year’s focus being New Blood For Life: trying to get new donors who will donate blood regularly throughout their lives. A supply of fresh donors is critical to ensure the continued availability of blood to save lives in the future. Nationally there is a need for 3000 donations a week to meet demand. This means that in Otago/ Southland there is demand for 200 fresh donations a week. For more information about becoming a blood donor, call 0800 GIVE BLOOD or check out nzblood.co.nz

China’s role in international politics, media, environment, and economy will be discussed at the University of Otago’s 45th Foreign Policy School. The event will take place at Salmond College from June 25-27, and will gather together national and international scholars, as well as New Zealand diplomats, policymakers, business people, and members of the public.

The opening address will be given on Friday evening by Minister of Foreign Affairs the Hon. Murray McCully. School Co-Director Professor Robert Patman says that a key question to be tackled is whether China will fundamentally change the rules of the game in the global system. People interested finding out more or registering for the school can do so at http://www.otago.ac.nz/otagofps.

– Gregor Whyte

Make staff redundant as last resort staff ask, according to ODT exclusive The plight of staff at two University of Otago departments earmarked for restructuring was in the public domain again last week. Someone leaked a month-old document to the Otago Daily Times that urges the University to only implement redundancies at the Social Work department as a last resort. “Social work staff said any redundancies should be voluntary, until measures had been taken to make other savings and boost funding,” the ODT reported about the document. “The necessity of retaining ‘practice expertise and administrative staff’ within the new department should also be recognised.”

Meanwhile, staff at the Otago College of Education protested against proposed restructuring by holding a bake sale – just like the ones at school. The ODT reported that the University wants to restructure the college to increase its proportion of “research active” staff, while cutting $1.3 million from the college budget, a figure it says covers what the college requires in subsidies this year. Staff handed out slices of cake and pamphlets to those who attended the protest.

– Staff reporter

Berwick Camp Landslide Several University of Otago students attending a Red Cross Response Team camp held at Camp Berwick narrowly escaped a landslide which destroyed several buildings at the location, 45 kilometres south of Dunedin.

The hill above the camp had been weakened by days of rain during the ‘weather bomb’ that hit the region two weeks ago and collapsed at 6am on the Saturday morning. Luckily, due to the quick thinking of team leaders the buildings were evacuated seconds before the landslide hit the huts. In addition to the structural damage four cars were crushed by the collapse.

– Guy Wilson

– Julia Hollingsworth

Swine Flu – A Year On University of Otago, Wellington research has shown a small but measurable risk of contracting the H1N1 virus, more commonly known as swine flu. The results have been published online by the prestigious British Medical Journal.

The research was based on the infection of passengers during a flight carrying schoolchildren returning from Mexico to New Zealand, nine of whom were unwell during the flight, and a further two of whom became ill after the flight. The incubation period was consistent with them being exposed to the virus on the airplane.

The research constitutes the first scientifically documented outbreak of influenza on an airplane in recent times, and as such has attracted attention worldwide.

– Gregor Whyte

A Geography and Economics graduate from the University of Otago, Andy Boyens is currently in Austria preparing for the upcoming Football World Cup in South Africa. The tallest defender in the squad, he has a wealth of experience having played professionally in the States for the last few years. Critic spoke to him early one morning last week.

After a narrow but controversial loss to the Socceroos, how did it feel to beat the fifteenth-ranked Serbia?

Yeah, it was pretty awesome. We were pretty disappointed about the loss to Australia. But we spoke about it and said there were a few things that needed to be changed. We changed them and managed to have a really good performance against Serbia.

Commentators have been remarking on the high standard of performance being put forward by the All Whites. How did you rate the games personally?

I think we shouldn’t get carried away so early on in camp. They were two pretty good performances but they were still not total performances and I think we need to keep things progressing in our training and get to the point where we are playing 90 minutes of good football. When we get there, I think we can beat any team on the day.

You are scheduled to play another two games before heading into your pool matches. How effective do you think this preparation is in getting the team ready for the World Cup? We play Slovenia this weekend and then we play against Chile when we get down to South Africa. Yeah, I think it is very important. You need to be playing against higher-class opposition because that is the kind of opposition you will experience at the World Cup. The four games are all top opposition, they are very highly ranked in the world and to be able to play against those teams, it’s awesome.

Great preparation.

Speaking of the other nations in your pool – Italy, Paraguay and Slovakia – who are you looking forward to playing the most?

I think I am really looking forward to that first game. I think it’s a game where we can stamp our authority on the tournament. If we get a good result there, it really opens the door for the rest of the tournament.

You started your career in the Dunedin technical squad before playing for Otago University, but you now play in the Red Bull New York club; how did that happen?

I was attending university, in Otago, and loved it. Then, I got an opportunity to go over to the States to play at a college on a scholarship-type basis. I played three years at the University of New Mexico in the States, then got drafted into the MLS – Major League Soccer.

How big is soccer over in the States?

It is getting bigger and bigger, I think, at times like this when the World Cup is pretty apparent to everyone and the US actually have

a very good team and will be disappointed if they don’t get through the group stages. It is still in the growing stages in terms of being a national sport, but at the same time, we get an average of around 15 000-20 000 people come to our games.

You debuted for the All Whites in 2006. How have you enjoyed watching the support for the game and the team grow around the country?

It has been awesome. I think as well as the All Whites playing really well at the moment, being a catalyst for that growth having a professional team in the Phoenix is massive. I think they have combined to fuel growth in New Zealand.

A few weeks ago, a radio station promoted International Hug a Ginga day – did you or anyone else in the team show Aaron Clapham some love?

He, I believe, did an interview for International Hug a Ginga day.

He is very in touch with his ginger side, but he doesn’t take too much stick.

This might seem like a dream, but it could be your reality with a trip to Central America. Jennifer Turek shows you how.

Picture yourself wandering along a trail through the dense rainforest. You’ve never seen plant life like this before. Water drips down from the trees towering above you and lands on the top of your head. The bushes ahead of you move – is it an anteater or a coati? Neither. It’s an agouti, a relative of the guinea pig. You watch it scamper away before walking a bit further into the jungle.

Almost immediately you hear howler monkeys calling back and forth in the canopy overhead and a metallic blue Morpho butterfly flutters into the distance. You’re searching for the brilliantly colored quetzal, Guatemala’s national bird. Two were seen yesterday, so you’re hopeful …

lthough they make up less than one percent of the world’s total land area, the seven countries of Central America are home to seven percent of the world’s species. This biodiversity hot spot lures the nature lover. Endless ways to explore its natural charms await the adventurous spirit. Travellers find themselves scuba diving in the tropical Caribbean reefs in Honduras, riding zip lines through the rainforest canopy in Costa Rica, or hiking in the hills of El Salvador to secluded waterfalls.

In addition to the area’s natural wonders, historical treasures lie around unexpected corners. Impressive ancient Mayan ruins in Belize, Guatemala, and Honduras beckon the inquisitive. Remnants of devastating wars in El Salvador and Nicaragua attract visitors trying to comprehend the tumultuous events of the past. Museums honour legendary colonial Central American writers. Countless opportunities to learn about the history of these seven nations wait for the curious to discover them.

To those visiting the natural and historical attractions Central America has to offer, the uniqueness of the culture in each area becomes apparent. The native dress of the local women changes from one place to the next. Certain foods are sold only in particular areas. Spanish dialects change and different native languages are heard. The cultural differences within this small area are extraordinary.

The university break surrounding Christmas and New Year’s Eve is a great opportunity to venture into this area of our planet that often gets overlooked. Plus, travelling over the holidays gives you the opportunity to buy everyone on your list a unique gift for a great price! (However, you’ll have to give their present to them when you return in January.) New Year’s Eve in Central America sounds like a pretty

memorable night, too! So, check out these suggestions and go explore it on your own.

Learn some Spanish.

You’ll get a lot more respect with even just basic Spanish. Critic recommends Pimsleur’s Spanish (pimsleur.com), an audio method. It’s great for use on an MP3 player on long bus rides or flights.

Get a guidebook. Several companies put out guidebooks that include all the Central American countries in one convenient book. Critic’s favourite is Lonely Planet’s Central America on a Shoestring. There are plenty of suggestions in there to keep you busy.

Timing. Give yourself about two and half months of travel time (75 days), from early November until mid-January. Of course, you can go faster or slower depending on your budget, your interests, and what you want to see or do.

Route. Panama City airport is a major international hub, and provides

a good starting and stopping point. From Panama City, do a counter-clockwise loop working northwest along the Caribbean coast and then back to Panama City along the Pacific Coast.

Days 1-8:

Panama

Spend a few days in Panama City acclimating to the new time zone, pace of life, food, language, people, etc. There’s a good mix of history and modern nightlife in this city. Make sure you find your way to the Miraflores locks of the Panama Canal just outside Panama City. Also spend these days organising a trip to the San Blas Islands – a truly special place that largely remains undiscovered by tourists. The Kuna, an indigenous group, live in this area and exposure to their culture is like a photo essay straight out of a National Geographic magazine! It may be hard to leave, but eventually, find your way back to Panama City to catch a bus to Bocas del Toro. Get into some snorkelling or diving during the day and enjoy the backpacker scene at night.

When you’re ready, cross the border at Sixaloa and continue your journey in Costa Rica.

Days 9-15:

Costa Rica

Find your way to the beach towns just southeast of Puerto Viejo de Talamanca, such as Punta Uva or Manzanillo. Try your hand at surfing, kayaking, or hiking.

Lose track of time reading a book while lying in a hammock. When you’re itching for a new spot, leave early in the morning for a long day of travel by bus and boat to get you to Tortuguero. Spend a few days here surrounded by tropical wildlife. If sea turtles are still nesting on the beaches (this is near the end of their nesting

season), hire a guide to take you to them.

The turtles are protected, so be respectful!

Book an early morning canoe trip into the jungle with a guide to spot iguanas, caimans, toucans, and other wildlife. Once you’ve recovered from your arduous journey to Tortuguero, get prepared for another day of travel to cross into Nicaragua at Los Chiles.

Days 16-27:

Nicaragua

Find the ferry in San Carlos to take you across Lago de Nicaragua to Isla de Ometepe.

Don’t be misled: this is a very large lake and the ferry ride takes about ten hours! This

island is made up of two volcanoes (which you can climb for good views), lovely beaches, and has impressive petroglyphs. After a few nights here, leave on a much shorter ferry trip (four hours) for Granada. Granada has a lot of Nicaraguan history, so it’d be a shame not to check it out. Once you’re satisfied, carry on to the Corn Islands for a bit more time in tropical paradise. Depending on your budget, your nerves, and your time, you have two options for getting to the Corn Islands. Your first option is to take a plane from Managua, which will fly you there comfortably in just a few hours’ time. The second more adventurous option is to travel by bus and boat. This will be a long journey, but will cost you almost nothing. Either way, find your way to the Corn Islands (Little Corn Island, in particular) and relax for a few days. Decide how you want to get back to the mainland and then carry on north through Nicaragua to León, which is worth a stop for its museums, galleries, and other historical points of interest. Get your stuff packed up and prepare to cross into Honduras at Las Manos.

Days 28-35:

Honduras

Spend a good travel day (or two) getting to the Bay Islands (Roatán or Utila) off the Caribbean coast of Honduras. Once here, consider taking a scuba diving course, if you haven’t already. If scuba isn’t your thing, be sure to do some snorkelling. After about a week of diving or snorkelling on these worldrenowned reefs, return to the mainland and catch a ferry (a.k.a. speed boat!) from Puerto Cortés to Belize (unless you get sea sick – in that case you’ll want the longer bus option).

Days 56-58:

Honduras

Pop back into Honduras to see Copán, an impressive set of Mayan ruins, right at the border. Then, travel towards El Salvador, crossing the border at El Poy.

Days 59-64:

El Salvador

Days 36-43:

Days 44-55:

Arrive in Dangriga and enjoy speaking English, the official language of Belize! Also soak up the Garífuna culture you’re bound to run into. Eat some good Garífuna food and listen to some of their music (they have some particularly groovy percussion). Carry on towards Belize City to catch a small plane to Caye Caulker for yet another experience in tropical heaven. Try diving at the Blue Hole with your newly acquired scuba certification.

Or go deep-sea fishing, sailing, or windsurfing. Enjoy these last moments in the Caribbean because you’ll be heading inland and to the west coast from here.

Once back on the mainland, head to some spectacular sites such as the Mayan Ruins at Altun Ha and Lamanai. Then, catch a bus west to cross the border into Guatemala at Benque Viejo del Carmen.

You simply must go to Tikal. These Mayan ruins are tucked back in the jungle and are nearly engulfed by the plant life surrounding them. Occasionally, a vista will open up and you can see large, steep stone temples majestically peaking above the tree line, enticing you to venture further. After appreciating the historical wonders of Tikal, find your way to Cobán. Take a day trip from here to Semuc Champey, a gorgeous place for a swim deep in the jungle. Then, carry on to Lago de Atitlán. If you haven’t taken a Spanish course yet, here’s another chance.

Many of the towns on the shores of this lake have reasonably priced Spanish lessons (usually offered in weekly packages). If you still feel a bit rusty on your Spanish, enrol for a course and get settled into a home stay for some intense studying. Feeling confident on your Spanish-speaking ability, move on to Antigua and book a reputable guide to take you to the lava flows at the top of Volcán Pacaya. (Be sure to check the weather and have adequate safety equipment.) Spend a day on the road getting to the border crossing back into Honduras at El Florido.

Belize

Guatemala

Enjoy the charms of Suchitoto, a quaint town off the beaten track with art galleries and a charming central square. Ride on horseback or hike to some waterfalls.

Then, carry on to the beach towns on the Pacific coast to strengthen your surfing skills at Playa El Tunco near La Libertad.

Leave El Salvador at El Amatillo, pass through Honduras and cross the border into Nicaragua. Catch a long-distance bus from Managua, Nicaragua to San José, Costa Rica.

Days 65-70:

Costa Rica

From San José, organise transport to the Península de Osa. Book a trek with a guide into Parque Nacional Corcovado.

(Be warned, the walk will take a few days!)

Scarlet macaws fly. Toucans call in the trees.

Coatis leave footprints on the sand. It’s a spectacular place where virgin rainforest meets the sea. You won’t stay clean or dry, but you’ll never forget it. Cross the border at Paso Canoas into Panama.

Days 71-75:

Panama

Check out the coffee plantations in Boquete before returning to Panama City.

Eat one last plate of rice and beans and go out for a good night on the town. Do some last-minute souvenir/present shopping and rest up for a long trip home.

THE BASICS: Expenses:

The flight. For return flights for midNovember to late January, STA Travel has flights for $2398 from Auckland to Panama return for students and youths, or $2489 for everyone else. For Christchurch to Panama return STA has $2549 for students and $2749 for everyone else.

‘Expensive’ versus ‘less expensive’ countries. All countries in Central America will seem relatively cheap when compared to New Zealand. However, if you’re on a budget and looking to stretch your dollar, you can avoid spending lots of time in the more expensive countries like Panama, Costa Rica, and Belize.

Spending more time in cheaper countries like Guatemala and Nicaragua will allow you to feel justified in buying some extra rum along the way.

Border Crossings:

Central American border crossings are simply a hassle. However, if you’re aware of this before you approach a

border crossing, maybe you can look upon the crossing as a ‘cultural experience’.

Sometimes the fee seems official, but in fact it’s not legitimate. Sometimes it doesn’t look official, but it is. Sometimes there’s a bus departure tax, or a port tax, depending on how you arrived or are leaving a country.

The rules vary from country to country and from crossing to crossing. It’s impossible to figure them out. You can usually cross the border without paying unnecessary fees.

However, you may have to negotiate for a long time. Generally, it is not good practice to quarrel over something ‘small’, so choose your battles carefully – and remember to smile. Good luck.

Money Exchange and Currencies:

Every time you cross a border, you’ll have to change currencies. At nearly every border crossing men will swarm around you with wads of cash, trying to get you to exchange money with them. It can be a bit overwhelming at first, but if you catch on to the routine and have a good idea of what the proper exchange rate should be, this should be seen as a convenience. It is wise to ask around for the best rate.

It is also good practice to keep some US dollars on you at all times, as if you don’t have the proper money at any point, US dollars will usually get you where you need to go. In addition, sometimes the fees at borders are only accepted in US dollars.

Furthermore, some countries are starting to accept US dollars more readily, especially in more touristy areas.

Central American Currencies: Panama: US dollars Costa Rica: colones Nicaragua: córdobas Honduras: lempiras Belize: Belize dollars Guatemala: quetzals El Salvador: US dollars Check online for current exchange rates - xe.com is the easiest. ¡Diviértase en Centroamérica!

Translating that is your first Spanish lesson.

Next, buy your plane ticket and guidebook, and you’re on your way!

WHY

YOU SHOULD

GO

TO THE

CITY

AUCKLAND: City of Sails Population: 1 333 300 Advertising Pitch: We are bigger than anywhere else, and therefore better!

CHRISTCHURCH: The Garden City Population: 386 100 Advertising Pitch: We are green (but our blood is blue!)

The city of Auckland is the bright beacon of cosmopolitan hope for a nation of backwards hillbillies and sheep farmers. Or at least that’s what they seem to think.

Auckland certainly offers the closest thing New Zealand has to a ‘big city’ vibe: there are more than three men and a dog living there, and there are plenty of shiny buildings, shopping, and fancy cafes and restaurants sitting aside that admittedly lovely waterfront. Auckland certainly gets more events and concerts than anywhere else, and has over three times as many people.

Auckland has the biggest Polynesian population of any city in the world. Of course Mangere probably isn’t the best place to observe Pacific culture at its best. Alongside this, a ‘sizeable’ Asian community is also apparently enough to term the city ‘multicultural’ – or at least more so than the backwards settlements further south.

But this city of sails is also a city of fails. Traffic sucks, and they insist in taxing the rest of the country through the nose to fix it. There’s plenty of crime and scandal to have the wrinkly Ponsonby elite tsk-tsking for their rest of their lives.

The city is vast and sprawling.

People can (and do, I suspect) live for years without ever having to leave their suburb. The Lonely Planet suggests that you get to know Auckland by heading for the “rows of Victorian and Edwardian villas in its hip innercity suburbs.” Okay, so which Auckland councillor paid them off? Someone was obviously desperate to hide the rows of sub-standard state-housing in the city’s run-down outer-suburbs.

Situated on the edge of the vast Canterbury plains, the conservative city of Christchurch calls the masses in for a taste of Mother England. As the name suggests, Christchurch has always trailed eagerly behind the old country, trying to be the most English of all New Zealand cities. With punting on the Avon River, a number of trams rattling along Worcester Street, and an enormous Anglican Cathedral sitting in the town square, I think they succeed, too.

Apparently Christchurch has been slower to embrace ‘multicultural NZ’ than other cities (read: still racist). The straight-laced city does have its kinky side, with a high concentration of sex shops, Manchester street mistresses, and a propensity for very, very short skirts.

The endlessly flat suburbs can easily become disorientating, so, you intrepid city-goers preparing to dominate the garden city, take a GPS, or a homing pigeon. On the upside, you can walk and bike everywhere – the Garden City gets the eco thumbs-up.

Ironically however, as it is in geographical bowl of sorts, Christchurch still has quite a bad smog problem.

Little-known fact: Auckland was initially known as ‘Tamaki Makau Rau’, meaning ‘a maiden with 100 lovers’. You skanky thing, Auckland. We’re watching you.

WELLINGTON: The Windy City Population: 386 000 Advertising Pitch: Important stuff happens here, and there’s art.

I’m sure you all feel a stirring of patriotism when you think of this, our nation’s capital.

Wellington is hilly but relatively compact, and like most New Zealand cities it sits by a beautiful natural harbour.

This arty, colourful, diverse (read: weird) city hosts a strange

mix of politicians, students, and other important people. There are plenty both quirky and chic shops, bars, eateries, theatres, and galleries. You are rarely stuck for an interesting or alternative event to attend. Wellington is also fast transforming into ‘Wellywood’, with Weta Studios pushing it to the forefront of creative visual media.

Apart from all the hot air surrounding the Beehive, there is the actual wind to worry about.

Wellington is one of the world’s windiest cities, actually a lot windier than many other southern cities like Cape Town or Perth.

TAURANGA: Population: 118 200 Advertising Pitch: Great weather.

HAMILTON: Population: 168 800 Advertising Pitch: It’s leafy.

We are just like Scotland: cold, wet, and still reluctantly enslaved to her Majesty. Also we occasionally don a kilt and gobble down some stuffed sheep intestines. We also have a chocolate factory that has recently laid off most of its staff and which has obese cartoon characters plastered over its windows as a marketing ploy.

On the upside, our peninsula is great, and you can see a lot of wildlife, or visit some great beaches.

Alternatively you can join the wildlife on Castle Street.

The Lonely Planet travel guide suggests that you use Dunedin to “escape the crowds of Queenstown.” However if you are looking for some peace and quiet, obviously there is a significant part of North Dunedin which you need to avoid. Even the Lonely Planet notes Dunedin as a “definitive student party town.” One website admitted that in the holidays it is “pretty dead.”

This is New Zealand’s largest inland city. There’s a bit of greenery and a few sports teams ... and that was about all the information I could find. No one can work out quite why this place turned into a population base, but it did.

Little-known fact: Richard O’Brien, the writer of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, lived in Hamilton for a while. In 2004 they put up a bronze statue of him as Riff Raff in his space suit.

NAPIER-HASTINGS: Population: 123 200 Advertising Pitch: We are the art deco capital!... because an earthquake wiped out everything that was here prior to that.

Napier is most famous for the whopping great earthquake that hit it in 1931. Hence it had to rebuilt, which ended in a distinctly art-deco looking city, as they are quick to inform anyone who comes near. In their spare time they play golf and breed gannets. Probably not at the same time.

Tauranga overtook Dunedin for population size in 2008. It is one of New Zealand’s fastest growing cities, and the biggest in the Bay of Plenty region. They also grow kiwifruit there. Those must be connected, surely!

DUNEDIN: The Edinburgh of the South Population: 115 700 Advertising pitch: Have a riot!

PALMERSTON NORTH: Population: 80 700 Advertising Pitch: Youthful (?)

Palmerston North has a university, so assumedly there are some young people there.

But it also has a primarily rural

atmosphere which one could describe with a number of terms ranging from ‘idyllic’ or ‘pastoral’ to ‘hicksville.’ It’s flat in good old Palmy – the city is a relatively compact collection of grid-lined blocks. On the upside (see what we did there?) you can go rollerblading … or so I was told by overly enthusiastic residents. I was too frightened to ask whether people actually did that or not.

Little-known fact: The locals have an ongoing feud with John Cleese. In 2007 they named a pile of refuse at the landfill Mt Cleese, after he offended them a year earlier by calling Palmerston North the “suicide capital of NZ” and saying he had a “bloody miserable time” staying there. He finished the skit by suggesting that”[i]f you wish to kill yourself but lack the courage to, I think a visit to Palmerston North will do the trick”.

NELSON: Population: 59 200 Advertising Pitch: It’s nice.

Websites are quick to tell wannabe Nelson-goers that they needn’t fear crime or cruelty here – Nelson is safe and friendly. But so is your Grandma’s house. They also do lots of crafts (again, not dissimilar to Grandma).

Nelson has a lot of Victorian features, but unlike Nan’s, it’s a centre for ecotourism and adventure tourism, being close to some absolutely stunning national parks, bays and beaches. If you get really stuck, there are 22 wineries in and around Nelson. That combined with over 2500 sunshine hours a year (the highest rate in the country) could make a visit to Nelson very nice indeed.

ROTORUA: Sulphur City Population: 55 600 Advertising Pitch: Smelly, steamy, sticky, muddy, gassy, etc, etc ...

Rotorua smells. It does! Now I am not trying to put you off visiting this, the tourist hub of the North, but it does take a few days to get used to the rotten egg stench.

However this is just the price you pay for amazing natural wonders and thermal pools.

Rotorua is a cultural centre as well, meaning that many tourists leave with exciting stories of ‘authentic’ natives performing Haka for money. Nevertheless it is one of our main tourist destinations. Of course, that’s the lasting impression you want to leave with your international visitors: geysers, hotpools, and one hell of a stink!

S

tudent organisations are and should be political. Yet we have people like Harriet Geoghegan constantly claiming that the few groups that still admit this, like the International Socialists, are irrelevant to students.

Her ‘working party’ on the governance of OUSA has just brought out its recommendations to gut student representation and turn the Executive into a company board. As a member of OUSA, I’m outraged that in her position as President she is trying so hard to push her anti-political agenda.

OUSA has problems, certainly, and the threat that Voluntary Student Membership poses is a product of its weakness. However, OUSA is not weak because of too much politics; it is weak because it has too little politics.

If you don’t do politics, then politics will happen to you. It happened to the Design students and is about to happen at the College of Education. It is happening now with Roger Douglas’ VSM bill. It would have been impossible for such an anti-union bill to get through while the student associations were out there protesting and being political. Now, at an all-time high of apathy, the associations are coming under attack.

So let’s look at this apathy – why are students so reluctant to get involved these days?

It certainly isn’t due to a lack of issues. There is just as much war in the world, just as much hardship placed on students themselves, if not more, than in the heyday of student politics. Yet after the ‘90s, students seemed to settle back into apathy.

What has changed? Student debt is the first culprit that comes to mind. When each day of uni is costing money, it comes as no surprise that students are reluctant to take any time off to do politics. Student workloads are higher than ever. If you have to hold down a job to support yourself as well, you will have very little time left over. The common lunch hour was a time when students were able to get involved in politics, and they did. It was a perfect time to hold SGMs, because everyone was free. That vanished over the years, and yet we don’t see OUSA doing anything about it. It is this incessant, never-ending pressure to pump out assignments and reports that is the cause of apathy.

Geoghegan claims that having to be political makes it hard for her to collaborate with David Skegg and University management. This comes from a complete misunderstanding of who these people are. Skegg is paid half a million a year to pass the funding shortfall on to us. He is the Government’s hatchet man, cutting education so the Government can give tax cuts to the rich. We need the Vice-Chancellors to jointly oppose underfunding and not compete with one another, but – without staff and student pressure – they will never do that.

Geoghegan’s ‘Governance Structure Working Party’ is a sick joke. When students and staff are under attack, with rising fees, enrolment restrictions, and redundancies, and OUSA itself is in the firing line, her plan to slash representation and ‘streamline’ the Executive structure amounts to rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic.

She wants to ditch the positions of Women’s Rep, Maori Rep, Pacific Islands Rep, and Queer Rep. We’re not defending the existing Executive structure because it is perfect but because, convoluted as it may be, and poor as all OUSA Execcies (especially Presidents) have been in recent years, this structure is the product of student democracy.

Geoghegan’s proposals disguise an attack on student representation as businesslike reforms. The working party’s proposals would see all semblance of political representation taken away and replaced with a kind of board, complete with Chairperson, CEO, and COO, turning OUSA’s political representation into a business.

It’s madness or malice to argue that boring reports on governance or bland business-type student bureaucrats are going to increase student buy-in to OUSA. They will not.

If you want to increase student buy-in to OUSA, Harriet, start doing your job properly.

Demand that the University give Gardies to OUSA to run as a student venue. Do something about damp, cold flats and avaricious landlords. Deliver student concessions on public transport. Oppose fee rises and defend public education. It’s not rocket science, just good, old-fashioned, bread-and-butter student politics.

Three Strikes

N

ew Zealand took a new direction on May 25. I have to admit that I have less than no respect for the ACT Party and its policies. But, along with MPs from all parties, I do not dispute the intentions of David Garrett; I just want to respectfully disagree with his legislation. I will save the ad hominems and scatology for another, less serious occasion. While there is probably a reason for every letter of this paragraph for why this bill potentially and definitely is flawed, I am just going to make one point.

Justice has to be one of the most imperfect, messy, and unsatisfying affairs that humans have the misfortune of dealing with. There is no way one could trivialise the immense burden of responsibility that falls on the shoulders of a judge. Nor could one trivialise the hatred and/or pain of the victim of a violent crime.

Politics is the negotiation between multiple agents. And there are not many things more important or telling about a society than the conditions under which it deprives its members of their freedom. The best guideline under which to operate is to take human rights as an absolute minimum. This advises us that all humans should receive punishment in proportion to the offense they commit.

Under the new law, a person on their third strike gets the same time for robbery (not aggravated) as a person who has a sexually exploitative relationship with a disabled person. Ten years, no parole, regardless of premeditation, cruelty, remorse, pleading guilty, or the wishes of the victim. Completely dissimilar crimes can receive the same sentence. In other words, the bill takes away judicial discretion. This is unfair to a judge who then has to impose an unjust sentence. Nor is violating the right to proportionate justice fair for the victim or perpetrator: “If someone wrongs me, I am entitled to have the wrong remedied, no more and no less.”* Labour, Greens, and Progressives oppose the Bill, as do National Party coalition partners the Maori Party and United Future, and members of the following groups who made oral submissions in opposition to the bill: the New Zealand Law Society, the New Zealand Police Association, the Human Rights Foundation, the Human Rights Commission, the Council of Civil Liberties, the Salvation Army, the New Zealand Council of Christian Social Services, and Te Runanga o Ngai Tahu. As do I. *Some things cannot be put better than at norightturn.blogspot.com

O

f all the reasons not to mine, one of the most flimsy is the claim opening up a small percentage (0.001 percent) of DOC land to mining will destroy New Zealand tourism. This comes on the back of the notion that we are ‘clean and green’ and this, and only this, promotes us to the rest of the world as a worthy tourist destination. In fact, surveys have shown about 50 percent of the tourism industry doesn’t appear to be overly concerned about considering mining in Schedule 4 land, with some considering it an opportunity to expand the economic base of our GDP. For a start, tourists who travel this far are not authentically worried about the environment. In arriving in New Zealand from the other side of the world, they have already made it very clear how concerned they are about carbon emissions.

Most modern tourism is based on packages. Few people come here, or to any foreign country, with the intention of wandering through the wilderness. And those who do are rarely considered tourists and often contribute less to the local economy. Most tourists will stick to the Queen Charlotte track, and the other packaged local wilderness adventures.

Europeans who are serious about the environment aren’t going to come here anyway; they travel to the closer equivalent, Switzerland (number one green country in the world). Those who would boycott New Zealand if we open up mines were never serious about coming here in the first place.

We have a lot to offer than is not ‘no mining’. New Zealand is cheap, relatively safe, and similar enough to make travel easy for Westerners, while being different enough to offer a little ‘experience’. Iconic areas should not be opened up to mining, but to claim that mining in itself will impact on an ethereal notion of ‘clean and green’ is a little silly.

There is no certainty mining will significantly harm the environment either. There are risks, but smaller, localised mines and ensuring clean-up will minimise environmental damage.

Mining and tourism are compatible, as shown by the situation just across the Tasman. Australia manages to promote its vast wilderness while reaping the significant monetary rewards of mining. Historic mines around the world have become tourist destinations in their own right.

Realistically, how much of the tourism dollar are we really going to lose to mining? Very little, and as long as mining is considered carefully, we shouldn’t let this rather unfounded argument have much sway.

Top 5 Kiwi Sayings That We Don’t Actually Say

Unknown Artist,

The Album That Will Change Your Life (year unknown)

O

ver the past fourteen weeks we have seen many albums that, for one reason or another, have been forgotten by the world. We have seen artists who tried something new and daring only to be rejected by their own fans, great musicians who were unfairly labelled ‘one-hit wonders’, and once-popular styles from which the world has simply moved on.

We’ve seen albums that weren’t given a chance because they didn’t fit into society’s idea of ‘good music’; albums unfairly dismissed as “a steaming pile of shit that no one should ever, under any circumstances, even think of listening to.”

I have tried to reverse this injustice in the hope that these amazing works will finally be given proper recognition and take the place of less-deserving ‘classics’ like OK Computer and Abbey Road. I hope this column has inspired you to seek out these great albums and discover the magic for yourself. Perhaps, through our hard work, artists like Baha Men and Vanilla Ice will once again get the respect they truly deserve.

However, we can’t stop there. Who knows how many more albums will be forgotten by our cruel, uncaring world, ready to instantly reject anything that doesn’t fall within the bounds of what is deemed ‘acceptable’? Who knows how many truly amazing works will be lost, thrown into life’s bargain bin before we even get the chance to hear them? I know I’ve had several albums change my life: I’ll never forget the first time I heard Silver Side Up and realised that the fourth-wave grunge paradigm had been changed forever. But what if you never hear the album that is destined to change your life?

This is why I urge you all to remain vigilant. Don’t let another great album suffer the same fate as the ones I have written about.

Keep digging through clearance bins, crates at second-hand record fairs, and your parents’ CD collection. Don’t be put off by poorly designed cover art or obvious spelling errors: there is a real chance that a life-changing experience awaits. We must raise awareness about these albums that everyone else has given up on. If we all put in the effort, together we can un-forget these albums forgotten by the world.

Stuart Dangerfield is a music critic who has been writing for various publications since 1974.

My mates went overseas for a bit last year and started sharing New Zealand culture with foreigners. By sharing our culture, I mean they got pissed and went around fabricating Kiwi sayings. They even managed to convince a whole lot of foreigners that we actually regularly say this stuff to each other. I’m sure if all five of the people who read this column started saying these, we could like start a trend and shit!

“Get ya cock out of the Kakapo”: This one is usually preceded by “Come on, mate!” this saying is used to stress urgency.

Why you’d have your cock in a kakapo in the first place is not really of concern and who gives a fuck anyway? It flows off the tip of your tongue like goddamn poetry.

“... said the pear to the plum”: You know sometimes when you’re just so drunk that you can’t even put together simple sentences? Well this was one of those situations: someone tried to say “pot calling the kettle black” and it came out like this. Yeah, it doesn’t really make sense. But then again, since when have real Kiwi sayings ever made sense? Sweet as? Sweet as what??

“Macking the Moa”: This one is a phrase that refers to screwing the fat chick (or generally large/hideous) chick within a group of friends. An example of this is “Jacob tries hard to score the babes but usually just ends up macking the moa.” Pretty much anyone who has scored in Monkey Bar is guilty of such an activity.

“Get ya scrotum out of the scroggin”: Basically, this is used to replace the term “you’re full of shit.” In saying that, it doesn’t really have a meaning. It just sounds so awesome that it can be used in any situation. Combined with an arbitrary usage and the fact that a lot of New Zealanders don’t actually know what ‘scroggin’ is, this saying is an excellent addition to any conversation that you can’t be bothered continuing.

“Planting a kumara”: this is a polite and tactful way of saying “taking a shit.” It can be used in a variety of ways, such as “Sorry bro, was just planting a kumara,” or “I had a nasty kebab last night and I really need to plant a kumara farm.” If you happen to have explosive diarrhoea, you refer to it as a ‘mushy kumara’.

Boy and Girl: signed, sealed, delivered.

Girl: Well, this column started out as a dumb excuse to do lame stuff I wouldn’t usually do, like go on a blind date. It seemed like a frivolous, harmless thing. To you, maybe.

As for me, I was talking with a good friend of mine, who outlined the unexpected ramifications of the blind dates.

This is a difficult column to write, as I’m afraid the people concerned might read it, but here goes: things with Bachelor #1 got much more complicated (in my head anyway) than we could have anticipated from dancing carelessly to ‘50s rock on my roof.

He ditched me, my pride was hurt, and then he ‘changed his mind’ and asked for round two. I, of course, said no, while being exceptionally tempted to say yes. But I’ll tell you this, ladies: no sex feels better than self-respect, just as “nothing tastes as good as being thin feels” (Kate Moss). So, Bachelor # lived under the impression that I “hate” him (his words) and caused scenes in pubs. The situation in the Boy camp wasn’t any tidier.

Basically, what began as a stupid weekend joke ended up playing a disproportionately large role in our (albeit fairly empty) lives. The only ‘success’ story to come out of this whole thing was that my good friend, who came to the 3D’s (date night) all that time ago, met a young man and, in someone else’s karaoke room, a connection was sparked which has lasted ‘til now. I don’t know what this means, if anything. Signing off.

Boy: So maybe it got too intense for a minute.

We ran out of things to do. You probably got bored reading. I had a dream that sums up the situation nicely: It is late spring/early summer. A group of my friends and I are floating knee-deep in the ocean and wading knee-deep amongst pancake rocks – I am in stripes. A flock of extinct Dodo settle on the water. They’re kind of ugly animals, and we are hungry.

With that, my friend Andy and I grab a docile bird and force it underwater, drowning it. I’m sure the Tegel chicken factory would claim this is ‘added value’ – wouldn’t the seawater make the flesh more succulent? Anyway, the bird hardly puts up a fight.

As it floats lifeless on the ocean we open up the bird like a lunch-box and pull out the high-fat flesh. We don’t even eat it because, quite frankly, the flesh is far ranker than our actions.

Anyway, I woke feeling nauseous and disgusted.

It was a pretty gross dream.

Procrastinate.. colour me in

Joelle: The creation of artificial life is nothing new or scary: it is merely the logical continuation of a process that humans have been undertaking for years. This process began when we first started to selectively breed animals and crops for preferred traits. This has continued through genetic engineering, where we selectively manipulate genes and the expression of characteristics. The artificial life we now have the technology to create is just the next step.

Instead of taking genes from varying sources (animal and plant) and combining them haphazardly, we are able to synthetically reproduce the building blocks via a computer programme and insert these tailor-made genes into an existing cell structure devoid of DNA. This creates a new organism or bacteria that we can code or programme to do exactly what we want rather than splicing preexisting genes and hoping the outcome is good.

This less organic means of creating artificial life has amazing potential in many fields and is no more ‘playing God’ then any of the previous forms of genetic manipulation. Scientists will be able to create selfreplicating bacteria which cause no harm to pre-existing eco systems but which could, for example, filter water in places such as Africa. Artificial food sources can be created with higher tolerance to poor conditions, feeding the global population. Medical leaps are also in view as tailormade substances will help cure illnesses on a cellular level – imagine being able to create an organism that will destroy cancer cells while leaving the rest of the body unharmed.

The threat of ‘bio-terrorism’ is one that already exists and will not be overtly affected by this new technology.

The physical and ethical constraints that are already in place for such forms of research will be able to safeguard the technology, and will ensure that it doesn’t stray into dangerous channels. We cannot ignore the great potential for good that this technology provides, and by only considering the few risks or allowing a small group of individuals’ beliefs to become the measuring stick for this new technology, that is just what we would be doing.

Should

We Ha lt the Creatio Artific n of ial Lif e?

Hana: In light of the recent announcement that scientists have successfully created synthetic life in the form of a new species of bacteria that operates under the control of a man-made set of genetic instructions, we should pause and question very carefully whether this newly available road is one worth travelling down. What is essentially being played with here are the building blocks of life, something that has always been respected and valued.

To suddenly take it upon ourselves to ‘play God’ or, less dramatically, be the ones who engineer and control life, is a big jump in thinking that many people are morally or spiritually unwilling to make. While ‘it makes some people grumpy’ is not a reason to curb scientific progress these concerns have to be given weight. If the real cost of this new technology is the erosion of core beliefs about the value of life, is the price worth paying for the possibility of future fancy helpful life?

Moreover, we simply cannot know the practical consequences of what we are doing. Yes, we now know more about the genome than ever before and scientists know what they put into that bacteria, but we thought we knew enough when we cloned ‘Dolly’ the sheep who suffered terribly in life and died young. All the proposed benefits of artificial life are based on a scenario where we are in complete control of the life we create and we simply cannot guarantee this.

There is also the very real threat of bio-terrorism to consider: forty years ago no one would have conceived of the possibility of nuclear weapons in terrorist hands and as for benefits in fuel, when we already have a abundance of natural resources waiting to be tapped (wind, water, thermal, tidal etc.) is it really wise to continue searching for the one golden fix to enable us to continue consuming? There are real costs involved in the creation of artificial life that need to be weighed before we embark down a road from which we are unlikely to depart.

Debatable is a column written by the Otago University Debating Society.

They meet every Tuesday at 7pm in Commerce 2.20.

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his is it. After this column, I will no longer be shuffling your sheets, but shipping my Canadian booty back to the land of beavers and moose. As such, an elegy to travel and sex is in order. Clit rubbing, dick dipping, toe sucking, inner knee licking and back scratching have a completely different texture when you’re on the road.

There’s something almost mythological about the entire process of travelling. When boarding the plane, there’s the tantalising possibility of sitting down beside the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen and they’re charming, funny and make 14 hours seem like 20 minutes. Of course, usually, you end up beside the large Jamaican woman who’s forgotten her deodorant and folds over her seat and into yours while you wipe tiger balm under your nostrils in an attempt to make a seal between the ambient air and your olfactory neurons. If you’re with a partner, it’s time to decide if you can join the Mile High club, or if the row beside the toilet will smell your pheromones and stare you down before you even have a chance. Then there’s the Transnational Train Holy Rollers Club, where you fuck while crossing Canada!

Or even Russia! Oh, transit sex.

Whoever you meet at the hostel, the club, or the local supermarket could lead you through that spark of serendipity, that completely unfathomable notion of being from another part of the world and somehow meeting in one space, at one time, without a past or a future. You meet them in the neutrality of the effervescent present. It doesn’t matter if you don’t speak Swiss, German, Farsi, or Creole. It’s gaze, rhythm, sobriety, inebriation, delicacy, and assertiveness. It’s fornication with a veil of different tastes, scents, and possibly creaky guest house beds It’s also about the sheer implausibility of breaching the gauze of parallel worlds through the most minor of physical touches.

All romanticising of these encounters aside, it makes a great legend for your friends back home, who want news of grit, Turkish alleyways, the massage you didn’t want from the Thai lady in your private stall, the acrobatics of the small French man you met in Vietnam, the genderfuck who kissed you on a night out, or the monk who leered at you on the way to the monastery. Weave yourself a tale of nightly erotica and seduction with your global tiptoes and do not be afraid to suggestively interact with the strangeness of the unknown.

I leave you with a colonial plea to Kiwi-juice baptise the world (safely) upon your travels and embrace the rainbow of bodies you’ll find therein.

Follow the blog: fornicasia.blogspot.com

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small part of me kicked the bucket, expired, crossed the great divide, croaked, passed away, breathed it’s last, went the way of all flesh, perished, and checked out the other day. Monty Python allusion aside, I saw a tragic ad that shocked me to the very core. Benicio Del Toro was selling chocolate. Not only this but the ad didn’t even use an interesting idea to do it – it was merely a bad pastiche of the already dreadful Oceans series of movies, directed by the artistically free-falling Bryan Singer.

The advertisement consists of lulling the audience into a false sense of security by passing itself off as a crime caper movie trailer, using all the typical conventions (croaking cornball voice-over, a pounding Guy Ritchie-esque musical accompaniment, and a convincing Angelina Jolie look-alike in tight-fitting catsuit, complete with scalpel-sharp, tiger-like cheek bones). Then presumably, the ad attempts to shock you at the end, by revealing that the gold that Benicio thought they were heisting is really a vault full of golden Magnum ice-cream bars. The real shock, however – where your heart and stomach sink in sympathy – comes from the realisation that this bastion of cool, this titan of film acting, this icon of respectable 21st century actors, is Mr. Whippy.

Now, I hate the term ‘sold out’ as much as I’m sure you do, but the typical reaction is “Wow, well, I guess he’s got to pay the bills,” or “Man, hope he got paid well for that one.” Yes, I hope he did get his thirty pieces of silver. Okay, that’s a little harsh, but come on, he doesn’t need to be doing this! The advertising world needs a colossal punt to the proverbial crotch for their despoliation of our acting talent. Don’t buy any Magnums, people!

At this point let’s remind ourselves what a monolith Benicio is in the alternative acting world (you may read ‘alternative’, here, as ‘good’). This is the guy who played Fred Fenster in The Usual Suspects; brandishing a knife, he thrashed around maniacally in a bath tub asking to be electrocuted in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas; and he portrayed the inimitably smooth Franky Four Fingers in Snatch. His career is simply too cool for an ice-cream ad to kill.

So yes, unfortunately he’s had this little hiccup, or shall we say peccadillo, but it’s mostly internet trolls that can’t help but whine about it between their World of Warcraft tourneys. People that really like his acting could care less. So he’ll come back, I’m sure. As long as he can keep movies like Wolfman from the door, he’ll be out of the ice-cream van and back into our indie hearts in no time, although probably with a new storey on his house ...

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Channel 9 is a local television station owned by Allied Press, whose other esteemed media offerings are the ODT and the Star.

Interesting quiz they had on their website last week.

So, what do you think?

Even better, though, is the “10,000 tonnes” ODT front-pager.

According to the reporter, if the promoter says it’s 10,000 tonnes, it must be correct.

But seriously, think about it – if a truck can carry about 30 tonnes, that’s over 300 trucks driving into a city area and dumping a battleship-load of dirt on Carisbrook.

Are they trying to bury it?

And since Critic is putting together a Travel Issue, we thought it a good idea to learn from the best. Naturally we turned to Tuesday’s Signal magazine lift-out. It’s supposed to be about TV listings but you never know. Oh look, the ‘[Not] Remotely Interesting’ column this week is about the launch of the new Travel Channel on Sky. And we quote from the beginning: “I have always been sceptical about travel. How does one know, for instance, there really are any countries in the world other than New Zealand?

Who’s to say the aeroplane pilot doesn’t take you a couple of hundred kilometres out to sea, turn around, land somewhere, then tell you you are in Mexico?”

Like, what?

E

veryone has a favourite takeaway shop, and mine is Mei Wah Takeaways (660 Great King Street). Since fish and chips and the like have been covered in the Review Issue (Issue 9), I am going to focus on ‘the other stuff’.

The two things that I order the most at Mei Wah are the BBQ pork and tofu on rice, and the soy sauce chicken on rice. They taste great and you get quite a decent portion for $8.90. Now, if you are one of those people who are grossed out by the texture of tofu, do not order the BBQ pork and tofu – duh. The tofu used in this dish is the really soft, smooth (silken?) kind and of course, when stir-fried with barbecue pork and vegetables, breaks up. The end product isn’t particularly pretty but is quite tasty. The barbecue pork pieces are sweet and tender and the sauce that everything is stir-fried in is savoury, garlicky, and slightly spicy. Perfect hearty, comfort food for a cold day. If you can’t stand tofu, you can simply order the BBQ pork and vegetables instead.

The soy sauce chicken, which is my favourite Mei Wah dish, is absolutely delicious. The chicken is delectably tender and moist and very, very tasty. Most of the time, the actual flesh of the chicken is quite bland and it’s the sauce or the flavour from seasoning on the skin that makes a chicken dish taste good. Soy sauce chicken, however, is traditionally made by steeping the chicken in a soy sauce mixture for quite some time, which allows the flesh to absorb the flavours, making it extra tasty. I don’t know if that is how they make it at Mei Wah, but whatever the recipe is, it’s a good one.

The honey chicken is another, quite spectacular Mei Wah speciality. Basically, it is honey-flavoured deep-fried chicken and you can order half a chicken or the whole chicken, with or without rice.

The caramel brown skin is beautifully thin, crispy, and savoury, with a light honey coating to give it that mildly sweet honey flavour. Biting into a piece and tasting the salty sweetness of the skin coupled with the juicy, mouth-watering chunks of chicken is bliss, particularly when you have that fried chicken craving. I prefer this to KFC when I need my fried chicken fix.

I also like the chicken and cashew nut dish, which, besides the chicken, comes with loads of cashew nuts and vegetables. The serving is such that I always have to split it into two meals. I realise that I have written about mostly chicken dishes, but generally you can order the same type of stir-fry dish with lamb, beef, or seafood. I also really appreciate that most of the stir-fry dishes come with vegetables, because then I can be lazy and not worry about my vegetable intake for the day.

Finally, if you’re on a budget, you may be interested to know that Mei Wah, which is just a little over a block away from the St David lecture theatres, offers really cheap lunch specials such as a variety of fried rice, meat and vegetable, and sweet and sour dishes for only $5.90, seven days a week. I think that these would fill you up a bit more than fish and chips or burgers.

If you would like Critic to review your restaurant/food, please email food@critic.co.nz

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lcohol – that’s pretty topical.

There’s been a lot in the media about the Government potentially raising the drinking age and shaking up licensing laws. The University has banned alcohol sponsorship in an effort to reduce binge drinking focused event,s and Gardies is all but gone. Our drinking culture is changing whether we like it or not.

The University knows that students love to drink. Probably because the whole country loves to drink. On The Gruen Transfer recently there was a magical quote along the lines of “if they make drugs and alcohol illegal we are still going to spin around in our backyards until we fall over because it’s what we want to do.” We want to drink, and no one is saying we shouldn’t.

The University also knows that having pubs around is good because people drink at a managed venue, rather than getting outrageous in their own homes. So don’t worry, The Cook is safe.

So, why is there so much pressure to change the drinking culture? The University invests a lot in clearing up the damage caused by Scarfies on the piss – both to themselves, to property, and to all of our reputations. Talk to the nurses and doctors at Student Health – they see a huge amount of students who have done real damage to themselves and others because of excessive alcohol consumption. Or think back to the times you have injured yourself (even if it is minor), been too ashamed to check your sent texts, woken up somewhere you didn’t want to be, vomited all night, or had a really miserable time because you drank too much.

There is a line that is very easy to cross that turns a fun night in to a really bad one. I’ve had lots of those and it’s taken me a while to work out where that line is. But what really saddens me is when that line gets crossed because other people pressure you into it. Lots of people tried to convince me to drink 21 shots at my 21st and, sadly, it took a huge effort to let them know that I can’t handle 21 standards in a short space of time. I didn’t want to spend my 21st unconscious on the bathroom floor covered in vomit – that’s not fun. Drinking is fun, but if you take it too far (or are pushed too far) the downside just isn’t worth it.

Still, the question I haven’t had answered is: How does me being more intoxicated than I want to be make your night better?

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auri ora whanau, The time for heads-down bums-up has jumped up and slapped us in the face. Where did the semester go?! Second- and third-years will be experts by now in the exam department. You kinda have study habits and exam prep down to a T, and if you don’t? No comment. But for those first years still trying to keep their head above the fire water, here are some tips Heramaahina style. They’re pretty average, nothing amazing – just common sense really.

Right. Number 1: What Not To Do. All-nighters before an exam is a big NO! Your brain pretty much turns to mush and you’d have a better chance of passing if you poured your cup of tea on the answer sheet. Or, you know how a picture speaks a thousand words? Draw a couple and BOOM, essay done. Or do designs in the multi-choice questions, making cool spirals because you can’t figure out the answer. I think option C is your best bet. But probably the most common stuff-up include you forgetting something important, like a calculator, and making whoever dropped you off run around the Commerce Building for half an hour trying to find your exam room, only to find they have no way of communicating with you because you turned your phone off! Yeah, you know who you are, Hoha.

Number 2: Have a Mean-As Kai. You should always have a feed about an hour or two before your exam.

That way, you won’t get hungry and spend the second half of your exam trying to silence that loud and embarrassing moan coming from your puku. Or you could just take in a muesli bar already unwrapped and put in glad wrap so it’s not so loud, and a water bottle filled with V or water, whatever floats your boat.

Number 3: Studying.

Get a study buddy who you know you won’t talk to every five minutes.

If you need to, spend a couple of days sorting out what you are going to study for the exam. Write it all down then learn, learn, learn. Or if you are really flash, recap, recap, recap.

Number 4: The Most Important of All. People get a bit uptight about this one, but I think it’s really important.

If this one is out of whack, then your exam is pretty much toilet paper material. The last thing you need is feeling uncomfortable, wriggling around during those three hours of brain smashing. Comfortable underwear = highly necessary.

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Letter of the Week

wins a $30 book voucher YOU SOUND SMART.

To Nathan Rose: First off, thanks for the article on socially responsible investing. It was better-researched, better written, and less sensationalist than many I’ve read in publications a hell of a lot more respected than Critic.

That said, the main question of your article misses the point. Of course there is opportunity cost to socially responsible investing. The point of said investing is not to maximize return It is to use capital to channel growth in a specific way rather than flooding whichever areas will bear the most growth fastest. To grow a garden rather than bush forest. Or a limb rather than a tumor. Or a society with clean air and minimal social problems rather than maximal GDP. Also worth noting—the assumption that there will always be capital available free from moral constraints is just that: an assumption. Economists once assumed that consumers always behaved in their own best interests, too.

And as long as I’m here, Edward Greig, purchasing groceries and pencils are not evils in themselves either, but funds from the Tax on Persons Who Sodomize and Murder Kittens have recently become insufficient to meet the growing needs of tertiary education.

Sincerely, Has a Level 80 Paladin CAN WE BE FRIENDS?

Dear Critic, I’m at a loss as to how your reporter came to this great revelation as to Carousel successfully transforming itself into a Gay bar. As a manager i feel that in the very least I would be aware of such a transformation taking place, As far as the internal look of the bar, the drink selection, our service 46

standards and how we market ourselves...

I don’t see any changes. Perhaps we had a large amount of Gay people in at the time of them drinking??

Not sure how you would tell, unless they were wearing badges though.. Maybe they just looked Gay? What does a gay look like again?

We do have a lot of Pacific islanders working in the bar though... Wouldn’t it be more realistic to brand us as a Pacific island bar? Maybe we could mix the two and have “Fa’afafine Fridays” hmm has a nice ring to it...

We are surprised that such a publication would be wanting to segregate certain markets within bars due to sexual preference, perhaps the unnamed reporter is looking for somewhere discrete to experiment?

I honestly couldn’t hazard a guess. I do wish them well in their hunt for an exclusively Gay bar in Dunedin (I’m not sure we have one) but I would like them to know we prefer to call ourselves “the only, Gay, traight, bi, Multicultural, corporate, student, cocktail bar in the village”.

Kind Regards, Chanel Campbell Manager Carousel Lounge Bar IN SUPPORT OF RAPE CRISIS.

Dear Editor, As a survivor of sexual abuse, I applaud the action taken by Rape Crisis Dunedin in regards to the capping charity. There will be people who read the article last week who think “the capping show is a bit of innocent fun. It offends everyone. get over it” but rape and sexual abuse are not something to be taken lightly. When rape and sexual abuse is minimised, it can seriously harm progress made to heal from the abuse. Even after survivors are at a “good place” so to speak, watching people make fun of something that was incredibly traumatising, can bring back a whole lot of emotions relating to the abuse itself.

There is a difference between being offended and actually being triggered by something to a point where you experience symptoms of post-traumatic-stress-disorder.

As a member of the queer community, I was somewhat offended by the digs at queer people. I can handle this though, and even

expected it. However, to be triggered by a performance whilst sitting in an audience of people laughing beside me, well, I can’t even fully begin to explain what that feels like.

I do not blame sextet for making fun of rape and sexual abuse. Maybe we need to look at the reasons why society thinks rape is funny, because quite simply, it’s not and it’s not OK. From Anonymous MR. JONES, YOU MADE PEOPLE MAD.

First off, Ashton Jones, my name’s James Gluck with a G. Those who don’t listen tend to get names wrong. You cling to economic theories that have no relevance to the real world. The wealth creators are not the rich, they are the workers. These are the people who actually create things of value and are the base of a ‘productive economy’. I base my views on what actually happens in the real world, not on what my economics textbook claim happens. Juno Pyun. I’m not particularly surprised that you left the SGM. Most of the people writing in to complain about the International Socialists, like you, don’t complain about what we’re saying, but the fact that we are saying it. You don’t want to hear the arguments; you don’t actually want to participate in the process.

Stuart Berry. We have the support of the majority of students. I don’t claim this because we can get people to an SGM. I don’t claim that my politics matter to students because I won a one-horse presidential race.

We got more signatures for our minimum wage petition than El Presidente* got votes for the election. Our continual success is reason enough to claim support.

James Gluck ISO *or is it La Presidenta? Quick language students, let me know before she lets Skegg cut your departments THIS GUY TOO.

Dear Sir, It was claimed by your correspondent Ashton Jones that ‘this budget was about shifting towards a more productive economy’ in order to create more ‘national’ wealth. If he (or Edward Grieg) truly ‘grasped the concept of how the REAL world works,’ he

would understand this to be a fabrication.

Under capitalism, investment pursues whatever avenue offers the best possible return relative to the risk on the capital invested. Rather than being located in the realm of the productive economy, since the mid-1970s, the site of these best possible returns have LARGELY lain within financial markets. Why do you suppose we saw the unprecedented growth of sub-prime mortgages in the US prior to 2007? It wasn’t because they offered an avenue towards productive investment. It was because growth in the value of these instruments offered superior returns relative to investment in the real economy. Consequently, rather than improving the rate of investment in the productive, job-producing sector of the New Zealand economy, National’s tax reforms will more likely result in further polarizing the distribution of wealth in this country. The wealthy gain more, while ‘trickling’ little down to ‘middle New Zealand’ and those horrible bludgers on the bottom.

Yours sincerely, Byron Richards.

AND NOW: THE OFFICIAL RESPONSE FROM OUR COLUMNIST.

Dear Ashton, Thanks heaps for cut and pasting National Party rhetoric into the form of a letter. It’s not like I’ve had to put up with hours of that rubbish before.

Just so you know, the standard political spectrum is set out so that one can be (economically) left or right and (socially) liberal or authoritarian.

I don’t mind being called liberal, because I am, but earning our first $10 000 tax-free is not a liberal fantasy (that’s cheap, consequence-free Ecstasy), it’s an economically progressive fantasy.

Apparently you’re as worldly as you’re intellectual if you think it’s a delusion. It’s only a cheap three hour flight over the ditch where Aussies enjoy the first $6 000 they earn tax-free.

Oh, and the top tax rate is 45% compared to our, now, 33%. Somehow I don’t think you’re crying a river for those poor deluded bastards, wallowing in economic prosperity like that.

I’m not a socialist. There are more than two contending economic theories out there. Hey, there’s even one that directly prioritises high employment –bet you can’t guess which...

I learned your name Ashton. Mine isn’t Green Finger, which has multiple writers. And

AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL CONCERT Article 19 of UDHR: “Everyone has the right to freedom of opinion & ty expression...” Don’t miss the opportuni to hear musical talents Del Girl & Baba y Yaga & leading poet Sue Wootton. Freel June 12 day Satur esty, Amn for Expressing St. 7pm, All Saints Church, Cumberland $15.. mere a UBS @ ts Ticke

thank you very fucking much for mentioning James ‘Cluck.’

Sort it out, Cheers, Dominic Szekér Green Finger Columnist A TEACHERS’ COLLEGE WITHOUT TEACHERS.

Dear Critic, It has been brought to my attention that nearly over twenty teaching staff will be gone next year as a result of insufficient funding.

Now, if the University wants to lose twenty over of the best teachers - so be it.

At the same time, let me remind the whole world that these twenty over teachers could have taught hundreds of teacher trainees who would then teach thousands of students worldwide.

How do you expect a doctor to learn from a lecturer who was never a doctor once?

How would you expect a biologist to learn the practical side of the work from someone who has been sitting in their office and doing research ever since they left uni?

How then would you expect future teachers to learn from lecturers who have devoted their whole life to research, and not the children themselves?

Of course, it is great to have lecturers but we need HIGH QUALITY TEACHERS to be our ROLE MODELS. Cut the funding, you cut us.

There goes the future of your education and the generations to come.

Hear our plee, and increase the funding!

Otherwise, lose your students.

G A THANK YOU.

To Whom it May Concern, I would like to thank you for the assistance given to me while in the Link in picking up something that I had spilt. The gentleman was pleased to help me do so. “I’m glad to help, sir” he said. Thank you very much for your assistance – you are a true Samaritan.

Yours sincerely, L. R. Christie

BAIN MEMORIAL On June 20th it is the 16th anniversary of the deaths of Robin, Margaret, Arawa, Laniet, and Steven Cullen Bain. There will be a gatherin g of friends, family, and anyone else out at the graves at 2pm to remember them.

BREAKTHROUGH CHURCH SERVICE Do you like good coffee, good food and do you want to find out more about God? Come along to Breakthrough cafe style service @ St Matthews, 30 Hope St, Dunedin, 6.30pm Sunday night.

Check out our Facebook page for more information.

SEMAPHORE MAGAZINE Quarterly publisher of fantasy and sci-fi short stories and poetry, currently open for submissions. See semaphoremagazine.com for details.

NOTICES POLICY Notices must be fewer than 50 words in length and must be submitted to Critic by 5pm on Tuesday before you want it to run. You can get notices to us by emailing critic@critic. co.nz or bringing them to the Critic office. We accept up to five notices a week from non-profit organisations and other student-related groups that aren’t looking to make a bit of dosh.

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Alan Wake

Xbox360 Exclusive

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lan Wake is an art game for men. Unlike Flower or Braid this game features amazing cinematics, menacing Darkness monsters (à la the Heartless and Nobodies in Kingdom Hearts) and without a doubt the best storyline for a game I have played this year.

You play as Alan Wake, a man who seems to have wandered onto the set of Secret Window and finds that his wife has gone missing and his dreams are trying to destroy his life. In hindsight, this was one of many allusions to artistic films and storylines. The game enjoys throwing in a Lovecraftian reference or a Stephen King plotline here and there. Essentially, Alan Wake isn’t about the game play. It is a story; a deep story that keeps you guessing until the very end, and even for a little bit afterwards.

The game-play is hardly revolutionary but still manages to feel original. Armed with your torch and pistol you weaken enemies with the light, and then shoot them until they explode into flames. The method of weakening these creatures with light stops the user from just running through the game blindly shooting up the landscape and missing the entirety of the large sub-plot – it forces the gamer to focus on the moment.

This game is an important step in gaming, critical acclaim or not. This game shows that you can have great game-play that doesn’t just consist of point, shoot, kill, tea-bag, and still manage to fit an intelligent story in with all the pretty graphics. This game is for those of you who enjoy an erudite horror and those who even know what that means.

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he atmosphere was kinetic for so early in the evening. Maybe it was the collective nerves, band members tense about not only their own performance, but what the competition would bring. Maybe it was the alcohol. Together, it elicited a potent mix of frenetic socialisation and unrestrained fidgeting. As Jamie Green, wary from the previous nights chipped tooth, stepped up to battle the mic again, the scattered crowd gathered ready for the marathon of bands that would ensue.

As the opening act, Vicars were keen to make a good impression. While they battled to keep up with the myriad of ideas slung together, finger-pointing was turned up to maximum. It was a powerful display of Yosemite Sam enthusiasm so insistent I had to check whether there was something on the ceiling more than once. Travolta were next up, their slight line-up buffered by guitarist Lee’s loop pedal fetishism. An angular powerhouse driven by one of the most solid drummers of the evening, their fifteen minutes was impressive, but the songs got lost in a quest for sheer intensity. Ink Mathematics followed with their own take on suit-and-tie metal, a requisite genre for Battle of the Bands. If the lead singer can say ‘vestigial’ in between songs, sorry, it just ain’t brutal enough. This was followed by the always heady combination of pub-rock, bbq-reggae and Red Hot Chili Peppers rhyme structures presented by Jam and the Slydogs. While they sung a song about Aotearoa, I ruminated on what reggae actually meant in New Zealand these days, and made my way to the bar.

Halfway through the Mr Biscuits set, there was a technical malfunction that lead to the most ‘inspired’ moment of the night. As a song built, the kick pedal broke, and the crowd was subjected to feedback-laden guitar shards, broken drumrolls, and bratty vocals broadcast through AM radio speakers. Their short set was noisy and rough, but ultimately memorable. Probably contained a lot of X-factor, whatever that is. Bugged me all night. The next band, In The Loop, relied heavily on a loop pedal to build up the rhythm for their jazzy-reggae grooves. They sounded more proficient than they were original, despite the loop pedal. OK! Crazy Fiction Lady had the largest crowd response of the night. With their sound lying between Elemeno P and So So Modern, it wasn’t surprising they also had a crowd-surfer. The Exclamations! were definitely a band with a vocalist, and the Something Quartet were one without.

The replacement singer worked out for the Something Quartet in the end, as their washed-out quarter hour was awarded third place, with OK! Crazy Fiction Lady taking second, and Mr Biscuits winning the competition.

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Black Keys

Brothers Nonesuch

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must confess, I wasn’t familiar with the Black Keys’ sound prior to picking up this album, only recognising them by name. What a pleasant surprise it was. Apparently this is the sixth album by talented duo Dan Auerbach (vocals, guitars) and Patrick Carney (drums), and it shows in how accomplished an effort they’ve produced.

Having started out as a garage rock/blues outfit, Black Keys have been experimenting in recent years, teaming up with super-producer Dangermouse for their 2008 album Attack and Release and even recently producing a hip-hop album with the likes of Raekwon and Mos Def. Brothers finds them taking all they’ve learned and trying to create an album that harks back to the glorious blues and soul of the ‘60s and ‘70s. Even the excellent (and amusing) album artwork is a nod to a psychedelic-era record by Howlin Wolf.

The opener ‘Everlasting Light’ is an unusual choice. Sung in a distorted falsetto over an equally distorted guitar riff, it may have simply been a clear indication to older fans that anything is possible on this album. Things pick up considerably on the next track, ‘Next Girl’, which is one of the album highlights for me. Auerbach’s vocal delivery and phrasing complement the driving guitar sound, and there are some nice subtle backing vocals by Nicole Wray. ‘Tighten Up’ is the only song that Carney and Auerbach didn’t produce themselves, with Dangermouse returning to the desk duties, and it’s a belter, managing to achieve that delicate balance between the classic blues sensibility and a very contemporary sound. A later track, ‘The Only One’, sees them reprise this sound on their own with some success. But experimentation is the watchword on this album, with ‘Howlin’ For You’ sounding like early Gary Glitter, and the instrumental track ‘Black Mud’ channeling early Neil Young, in addition to the dominant blues and soul sounds of ‘She’s Long Gone’ and ‘I’m Not The One’.

Any attempt to recreate the sound or feel of a particular era runs the serious risk of producing a pastiche, but thankfully the Black Keys have managed to avoid that trap. A measure of their success is encapsulated by two of the later tracks on the album, ‘Unknown Brother’, and a cover version of the Jerry Butler classic, ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’. Without prior knowledge you’d be hard pressed to tell which was the cover version, and that’s saying something.

Another point worth making in these days of throwaway pop tunes, and mix-and-match iPod play-lists, is that Brothers is an album in the truest sense of the word, 15 tracks working together as a coherent whole. Do yourself a favour and check it out.

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Directed by Mike Newell

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t is a cursed Hollywood trend that video-game-to-movie adaptations simply don’t work. Hitman, Farcry, and Max Payne are evidence of this. Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time is the newest adaptation to hit the big screen and although it doesn’t reverse this pattern, it’s a small step in the right direction.

The film focuses on the adventurous and extremely acrobatic Prince (Jake Gyllenhaal) who, after being framed for a crime he did not commit, is forced to join alliances with a beautiful rival princess (Gemma Arterton). Armed with a dagger that allows him to momentarily reverse the flow of time, the Prince sets out to stop the traitor from releasing a catastrophic sandstorm upon the world.

Excluding the greatly altered storyline, Prince of Persia is a faithful adaptation of the game. The elements that made the game so great – the leaping from rooftops to rooftops, the fast fighting style, and even the flirtatious bickering between the Prince and the Princess – are all present. The action scenes are particularly thrilling to watch as the Prince effortlessly scales walls ten times his size. Unfortunately, the constant banter between the Prince and the Princess doesn’t translate well into the film and ends up coming across as very clichéd and sometimes cringe-worthy.

If you’ve never played the games, Prince of Persia’s entertainment value will depend on your love of the adventure/action genre and how much sappy dialogue you can tolerate. If you’re a fan of the game, you’ll either love it for what it manages to capture about the games, or hate it for what it does not. Either way, it’s the best video game adaptation to date – but, then again, that’s not saying much.

Genova

Directed by Michael Winterbottom

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olin Firth stars in Genova as Joe, a man whose wife has recently died in a car accident, leaving him alone to raise his two daughters, Mary (Perla Haney-Jardine) and Kelly (Willa Holland). They temporarily move from Chicago to Genova, Italy, as Joe has been offered a guest lecturer position at a university there. He sees the trip as an extended family vacation that will allow them to grow in the absence of the mother.

Catherine Keener plays Barbara, an old university friend of Joe who is also in Genova teaching. As an American, she is their guide to this new place, and a mother figure. Mary, the youngest, develops an affinity with Barbara, and confides that she still sees her dead mother, as if she were a ghost, and still talks with her. Kelly, a teenager, attracts the attention of many young Italian suitors. Winterbottom makes her fragility and vulnerability apparent, as she races around town clinging to the backs of boys on their scooters. Joe finds himself being sought after by two women, Barbara and one of his young Italian students, but the two women that need him the most are his daughters.

Adjusting to life in a different city is an appropriate metaphor for this family learning to live without their mother. Everything is foreign and new. Genova may come off as slow and uneventful, but where it succeeds is in its great sensitivity and insight into family relationships.

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Sex and the City 2

Directed by Michael Patrick King

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e return to the sparkling lives of Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte two years after the previous film was set. Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) is still married to Mr. Big, as are Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) and Charlotte (Kristin Davis) to their respective husbands. Samantha (Kim Cattrall) is still the cougar of the pack. The opening scene is a gay wedding, providing an opportunity for a barrage of quips and puns. You can see the film isn’t going to try to skim off any froth. The jokes become rather painful after the first ten minutes, but they continue right through all 146.

The film is long and trivial. There are relevant issues: Carrie and Big have marriage struggles; Charlotte and Miranda have trouble with their kids; Samantha battles menopause. But it’s like watching repeats of a sitcom. One of the plot lines, about a hot nanny, is stolen directly from Friends.

Sex and the City 2 has lost the wit of the TV series, and is even more vapid than the first film. It just feels pointless. The characters were always caricatured, shallow and self-obsessed – not to mention terrible actors – but now seem to have lost whatever soul they once had. Like having a friend who has become less likeable with age, fans of the show will find the traces of what were once good about Sex and the City, and appreciate a little more time spent with the characters. Otherwise, avoid.

2010 Banff Mountain Film Festival

Multiple Directors

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his year’s Banff Mountain Film Festival featured 12 adrenaline-pumping short films showcasing a variety of mountain and adventure sports. They might as well call this the “Is he gonna die? Film Festival” because that seemed to be the crux of most of the stories. At times it was like watching YouTube on the big screen as the films ranged from amateur-ish to absurd to awe-inspiring.

In the ‘almost getting yourself killed genre’ there was a kayaker going over a 180-foot waterfall, presumably the first attempt at such a fall. When asked why he takes risks, he said something to the effect of “because it’s fun.” Slightly more articulate was the young Alex Honnold who, appearing in the film Alone On The Wall, freesolo climbs the face of Half Dome, in Yosemite, California. In one of the most compelling scenes of the night Honnold, who is calm and confident throughout the rest of the film, finally shows some nerves standing alone on a ledge thousands of feet above the ground.

The highlight was a French climbing film called Azazel, a documentary in which a group of four climbers travels to the Himalayas to pursue some unexplored routes. Their camaraderie is touching and charismatic as they endure snowstorms with a good-natured sense of humour. Perhaps the French just have natural film instincts? One of the team vaults off the side of the mountain, gliding down in a squirrel suit. As his parachute reaches the bottom, we hear his voice over the walkie talkie screaming with joy.

K Knotted

Michelle Holman HarperCollins

notted is the story of how Danny falls in love with her twin sister’s American partner’s brother. The twin is dead (she had breast cancer), and so is her partner, Patrick (he drowned). This leaves Danny trying to bring up her niece and nephew on a nurse’s salary, all the while thinking she is alone in the world: her father left home when she was nine, her mother died (breast cancer, again) when she was a teenager. Now, Patrick, her American brother-in-law, had failed to mention to his own family that he had kids to a Kiwi partner – and also failed to mention to his Kiwi partner anything about his family at all. He was a rather absent father at the best of times.

Unsurprisingly, at first Danny will have nothing of Patrick’s brother; she imagined the whole family to be as carefree and free-loading as he was. So, she is abusive, angry, sassy, and generally unhelpful. Fast forward through too many pages of them arguing over breakfast until they fall in love and live happily ever after. The brother is a writer, the rest of the family is terrific (it turns out that Patrick was the black sheep), and the two kids end up with families of their own. There are cousins, aunts, and uncles galore.

Knotted is the worst kind of lightweight chick lit: it’s boring, repetitive, and ends predictably.

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Bait

Nick Brownlee Piatkus

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rom the opening chapter of Bait, I knew that it was definitely a guy’s kind of book. There’s nothing like a gruesome killing and a colossal explosion to raise testosterone levels, and Nick Brownlee sure sets the pace in this, his first novel. Located in the bustling Kenyan city of Mombasa, Detective Inspector Daniel Jouma has a lot on his plate. With the mysterious disappearance of fishing boat operator Dennis Bentley quickly pronounced case closed, a missing thief whose wife insists he’s been slain, and a charred body washing up – not to mention an incompetent sergeant who can’t make a decent cup of tea – Jouma has reasons to be stressed.

However, a chance meeting with Jake Moore, an ex-Flying Squad cop, gets things rolling and pretty soon the two are thick in the middle of an elaborate smuggling operation where everything is inextricably linked.

I shouldn’t give too much away, but I’ll say that following the two men on their mission to seek justice was like watching a combination of the Bourne trilogy and Taken. Brownlee did a fantastic job of keeping me guessing with convoluted plot twists, not to mention enthralling me with loads of killing-off of incompetents by the Big Bosses and high-intensity man-hunting. The complex characters of the men involved in the smuggling ring were also intriguing, although they were all complete psychopaths.

However, amidst all that action, the one calming influence was Jouma. Probably the only uncorrupted police officer in the entire Kenyan force, he really was a breath of fresh air with his strict morals and common sense. I think Jouma’s character in Bait was Brownlee’s way of highlighting the deep corruption that infiltrates the police forces (or any power force) in many parts of the world. What saddens me the most is that while Bait is a novel, I can just imagine that the deliberate barriers Jouma came across while trying to solve the crimes are pervasive and the frustration and anguish felt by many who come into need of those forces are all too real.

Bait is an engrossing read and has a positively satisfying ending. What more could you ask for?

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The Secret Speech

Tom Rob Smith Grand Central Publishing

he Secret Speech is a crime fiction novel by the author of the acclaimed Child 44. In this sequel, we follow the tortured soul of Leo Demidov as he tries to atone for his crimes as a secret policeman under Stalin’s regime of violence and war, as well as protect his troubled mismatch of a family. He constantly searches for this salvation but it is far from clear whether he deserves it. Guilt pervades the plot (which, by the way, is based on real events), drawing parallels to Khrushchev’s historical 1956 public acknowledgment of Stalin’s crimes from which this book gets its title. The declaration prompts violent uprisings in the criminal underworld, and it is into this situation that Smith thrusts the flawed Demidov, who finds himself infiltrating the very network of criminals whom he helped send to torture chambers.

I’m not much of a crime fiction reader, much preferring to stay within the comfortable boundaries of my fantasy novels, but I must say that my first foray into the genre has been nothing less than breathtaking. Smith is a talented writer who underpins his story with riveting attention to detail. Whether we are lurking through the sewers or feeling the chill of frostbite, the atmosphere is rendered with an articulate hand. I am told that this current book holds little of the raw tension of Child 44. If so, I can’t wait to read it. Definitely a favourite.

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future

Michael J. Fox Hachette

n a brief 100 pages, Michael J. Fox tells his tale of how to be successful as a high school drop-out. Instead of a college education, Fox got life experience, which is just as well given his confession that he would have been loathe to get a loan for a future he wasn’t sure was waiting for him. Of course, it was tough. He describes his first apartment and how hard it was to find acting work in Hollywood, settling for advertisements and bit parts in soap operas before landing the part that got him noticed: Alex Keaton on Family Ties. We know the rest, of course: Back to the Future, Spin City, etc., and then the public acknowledgement of his Parkinson’s disease and dedication to battling it. Through his foundation, Fox is still actively working to raise money and encourage research for a cure.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Future is meant to be a gift for university graduates, but a book about how a successful individual managed without a tertiary education is bound to sound patronising. I mean, Fox thinks that it’s a “funny thing” that he got educated on his way through his life, claiming to have learnt economics, literature, geography, and other such things via “life lessons” rather than formal classes (or the school of hard knocks rather than graduate school, Life 101 rather than ECON 101 ... you get the picture). But Fox got seriously lucky and this book takes the piss out of the shmucks doing the hard yards behind a desk. He struck gold and did well before life slowed him down. And he doesn’t hesitate to tell us that while he didn’t have to attend lectures or cram for exams, he got the parties, the booze, and all the action before the disease. So, unless you feel the need for a lecture from your absent parents, give this a miss or give it to someone who skipped the parties and is graduating rather smug with a huge debt. Silly us for thinking a few letters after our name can improve our lot – he’s got three honorary PhDs, thank you very much! Unless I knew the money was going to the foundation, I wouldn’t bother with this book.

LTT Review More than Kin, Less than Kind

Starring Eryn van Dijk Jenifer Aitken Clare Thomson Kitty August Benjamin Blakely Tess Johnsen

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ast week’s Lunchtime Theatre was brought to us by the students of THEA 454.

Under the sage tutelage of Suzanne Little and Trish Wells the students dive into the hallowed works of Shakespeare and attempt to create a modern frame through which to present certain jewels from the master’s canon. Editing, revising and reframing Shakespeare is a gargantuan undertaking fraught with perils, so even a mediocre piece is to be commended. More than Kin, Less than Kind was far from mediocre. It was great.

This year’s students steered away from a simple pastiche of the comedic and delved into the darker elements offered up by the Bard. More than Kin, Less than Kind chose a talk show as its device, and domestic abuse as its theme. While the frame itself was a touch simplistic the playwrights wisely chose to let the scenes lead the narrative and keep the interviewer’s interruptions to a minimum. Through this interpretive frame the cast brought to life the relationships of Katharina and Petruchio, Desdemona and Othello, Ophelia and Hamlet. For such a project to work the excerpts must inform the frame, and the frame must influence the performance of the excerpts. It is a fine balance and one that the dramaturges and cast pulled off impressively well.

One of the biggest concerns in placing Shakespeare into a new frame is to keep the integrity of the characters intact. Aitken, August and Thomson did an admirable job allowing the full script of Hamlet, Othello, and The Taming of the Shrew to inform their characterisation whilst also bringing something new to their roles. Aitken was fully invested in her scenes which made for mesmerising watching while August had moments of commendable virtuosity but at times lacked the sharpness that is central to Katharina. Thomson played a beautiful Desdemona, full of subtlety and visible, yet controlled, tension. I was glad to see three different manifestations of suffering in their characters. Aitken’s flightiness of highs and lows were juxtaposed with August’s gritty determination and eventual subdual while Thomson brought a mouse-like timidity to the trio. Johnsen was not given the chance to shine but played her part with compassion.

The men in the cast were not as strong as they could have been. Blakely did show elements of Petruchio’s vicious manipulation but van Dijk lacked commitment to his characters and spent too much time engaging with the audience, and not enough with his partners. Some of the duologue work seemed under-rehearsed and would have benefitted from some more experimentation in the rehearsal process.

The overall mise en scene was darkly simplistic. The well-angled black box and white light created an almost interrogative feel. However to take that further I would have liked to have seen more made of the claustrophobic boxes of light and more attention paid to costuming.

More than Kin, Less than Kind was a spectacular example of a reinterpretation of Shakespeare. The selections were compelling, the editing was intelligent, and the performance was strong. An excellent tribute to the staff and students of THEA 454.

James Bellaney

Natural Landscapes None Gallery

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ames Bellaney’s performance-based art exhibition at None Gallery uncovered the unconscious element of Bellaney’s creative process. Bellaney is a fourth-year Painting student at the Dunedin School of Art and this was his first solo exhibition. This exhibition is best described as a form of interactive, improvised performance art, which allowed for the viewer to observe Bellaney creating art live. Stylistically it was reminiscent of the intimacy felt in Surrealist automatism and American action painting. Bellaney, as he moved around his working space, used the convention of intimacy to draw the viewer’s attention to the physical act of painting, the finished product being the physical manifestation of the creation process.

The atmosphere evoked intense sensory responses from the viewer through sound, sight, and – perhaps subconsciously – the smell of heavy paint fumes. Improvised live music seemed to inform Bellaney’s spontaneous gestural act of live painting, which involved methodically moving the paint by means of splashing, staining, stumbling, and dripping across the working surface. Often he used seemingly random tools.

Visually, Bellaney’s physical act of live gestural abstraction drew the viewer into a trance-like state, as though you were a part of the painting process. His figure was reminiscent of Hans Numth’s portraits of Abstract Expressionist, Jackson Pollock. It seems that Abstract Expressionism was an influence on Bellaney’s work, although his piece lacked the aggressive and often nihilistic undertones of Pollack. The works evoked a sense of distorted natural landscapes, conceivably to foreshadow the merging of nature and man. The idea of Bellaney’s works as abstracted landscapes was further reiterated by the video imagery that also featured in the space. The live painting was improvised, yet one felt that Bellaney’s choices were simultaneously considered and also loose in formal structure. The space was designed in a manner that presented the viewer with Bellaney’s previous creations, alluding to the consistent nature of Bellaney’s works, although each was distinctively different despite being created in the same way. Bellaney’s work is devoid of the portrayal of objects; the focus seemed to be aimed at initiating an emotional response from the viewer as well as expressing the physical manifestation of the artist’s subjective awareness and self-consciousness.

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