A Black and White Crysmys Frozen Cravings Haunting Dry Moisture When I Inhale Mother’s Love
FROZEN CRAVINGS Figures of perfection Circles, spirals, spheres Always stopping – hear – here An allergic reaction to chocolate Tasting the sweetest part of creation Pimples emerging – bursting volcano Heat – combustion Cloaking nature’s beauty Forbidding growth for the next millennium Chasing the wind – galloping over the hills Only to stop for that lustrously Red apple Ride me Ride me Feel the wind wipe your wetness While resting comfortably on my back I’ll take you there Doing the impossible Gracefully trotting over the ocean We reach our island Our paradise Waterfalls, mystic butterflies, erotic terrain of colors never seen – Who knew? Time froze – you froze
Ice that does not melt Sunbeams jumping steadily – not even a crack The wind stood still to listen Roaring whispers – ecliptic tears Jumping into volcanoes Galloping head first into the steam I too froze on our island Never to be rode again Never soothed from The sap of another Red apple Never to feel the tremble of the earth Beneath my feet Putrefied in no where The winds stood still and cried
HAUNTING I see the dark halls swarming With the pain of lost spirits Lost spirits that victimize The minds and dreams of Innocent youths Who have fallen off the path The youth search for direction To the Awesome light The haunting shadows clings to their Ankles and wrists Pulling and tugging For them to stay and keep them company The haunting attacks the weakest minds The haunting poisons wearied hearts The haunting uses the Hatred - shame - fear To bridge the gaps between Reality and the spiritual realm These demons attack the wounds Created from Abuse: Mental Emotional Physical Spiritual Sexual The haunting has Provided today’s nightmares For yesterday’s youth The haunting is Alive in today’s youth I am so afraid of tomorrow
DRY MOISTURE Dry Moisture Encompassing my sinful shell Reflecting the obliqueness of my reality An abyss of wavering pain with every motion The oily texture of life surrounding me, Grasping each pore To inject me with the pain I used to infect others Dry Moisture Dehydrating my oldness Weakening its influence on my newness Echoing verbal popping Yelling obscenities My own “ob-Sin-ities� at me At me Around me Bonding the Majestic creativity of evil Dry Moisture Filtering my blood out Leaving His within me Dry Moisture Breathing new life into me Releasing me Renewing my will As the Dry Moisture Saturates my essence As the ignorance drips down my face Internal purification External dehydration
Dry Moisture cleansed me
WHEN I INHALE She likes Dancing and poetry She has A thing for beautiful eyes She thinks That people should listen not Just hear She loves Prince’s insatiable She wants To be kissed slowly, passionately Her scent is majestic And when I breathe I inhale her Then she experiences me She is a Libra – And she constantly reminds me She knows oh – too well How to play mind games She will be the victor If she finds trouble before Trouble finds her She will dominate Should trouble ease its way in? Her feline heritage will Always cause her to land on her feet
And when I breathe I inhale her Then she exists within me She defies the typical classification, Definition, categorization Her uniqueness is addicting As I continue to dive into This world wind of mystery Caution – Caution – Caution Is what comes next from perfection? What does caution do When it meets Desire? She challenges My sincerity She seduces My intellect She inspires My creativity She enhances My Desire(s) She is a Libra She balances me And when I breathe I inhale her She decomposes
within
me
MOTHER’S LOVE Mother’s love is difficult to explain You see – it took me awhile to understand When I was but a small girl She would ask for a hug and say “Hug me as hard as you love me” I would squeeze and she would laugh “Is that all that you love me, my turn.” Before I knew it I was grasping for air “Momma, - I can’t breathe.” She’d laugh and say remember that As I got older - Love games Did not stop They got worse - The pain was worse I didn’t understand the way she showed She loved me “Slap” because I love you Pinched – because I love you “Go get my belt So I can show you How much I love you” When it was my turn I would reach for a hug Just barely touching her “That’s all”
She would chuckle and say I would smile and cry Then walk away “Love don’t hurt Ain’t that what the Bible says? Time passed by - I no longer cried From the slap or pinch She could only make me Gasp for air with a new piece As the cold steel of a 22 Met me nose to nose “How hard do you love me?” As she giggled with tears falling from her eyes “How hard do you love me?” “How hard do you love me?” With the roar of a tornado wind “I love you mama” Shook the window pains But the click of the cock Sounded louder than my whisper suddenly, I felt the warmth of Blood running down my leg She laughed “Go get your pissy ass in the shower” This love game went on for eternity Two more times before it ended
“How hard do you love me?” I could smell the carbon in the barrel "How hard do you love me?” I looked down the tunnel and it was dark “How hard do you love me?” I closed my eyes - I smiled and replied “Let me show you” A loud bang rang in my ears She laid there - Hot and limp As I reached to hug her We were eye to eye I whispered in her ear “More than cocaine or marijuana Ever will” Mother’s love was filled with pain She taught me to love someone You hurt them to help them Now when we Hug and giggle We ….
CRYSMYS KALEIDOSCOPE Simple Plus Simple Plus Simple Transitioning Tree of Life Fueled By Fear A Dialog from a Dream My Daily Bread Kaleidoscope of Fears
SIMPLE PLUS SIMPLE PLUS SIMPLE Simple plus simple plus simple Collectively separate One responsibility Building on the next Diversity intertwined together Creating beauty in unity High priest with the eldest counsel Defining the governing traditions Young worriers performing their Ceremonial dance To prepare for the hunt Workers Carrying the weight of tradition On their back to build a new future Women and children carving and sculpting The tools needed for daily survival Historians preserving heritage and religion So that none will be forgotten Tradition must be preserved and Taught to future generations Just as all cultures exist and New beginnings are evident Those that go against the same They hide in dark areas practicing Dark things Forgetting the land and the light Imitating God’s creations
Practicing forbidden magic and medicines Honoring evil and death rather than Life and its blessings Where there is a new beginning There will be good There will be tradition There is a doorway as well For all things – including Evil
TRANSITIONING I lay in freshly cut grass Under the mystical moon Its fullness is the beacon that calls me home Dew angels seek to comfort me Gradually pulling a sheet of dew over my toes It’s light as silk as dew settles on my knees Softer than a cloud Snuggling to every inch of me The angels hum in my ear while the dew sheet covers my face My spirit climbs from this body With the gentleness of a warm breeze Floating towards the sky like a butterfly kite connected to this world by a string I hear the choir singing Waiting for me to take lead Claim my rightful place among His Own that sings The brightness of the mystical moon Glows with a blinding intensity I do not close my eyes I am open and receiving to my finest gift I am home and the rainbow, well They are smiling Here
THE TREE OF LIFE Pimples on her face Nothing to say Watch the world go bye Sitting by the banks Of the river Jordan She was amazed by what hung from the sky At first she blinked Over and over That can’t be what I see Curiously approaching The tree of life Anthony Freedman swayed lifeless Frozen in time Re-living all her day dreams of the First time she would kiss him She heard a loud noise It was her voice screaming Papa – Papa – Come over here Papa heard her freight Let the fishing line fall As his muddy footprints filled with water Half a mile down the bank Another deposit Was made Ida would never Be Mrs. Freedman Her insides burned Silenced even more Her pen began to Scream in her diaries of injustice No more lynching!
FUELED BY FEAR Once upon a time people Through bricks through car windows Set fire to wooden crosses There was name calling, spittin’ on all That didn’t have a familiar look, smell, or inheritance of honor Distinction was a curse word followed by Originality Due to the lack of conformity There has been and always will be enough Fuel That fool down the street says He’s the trend setter Bringing back throw backs Only then will Kangaroos and Fila be cool Anyone not wearing them ain’t hip enough They not part of the new school That other fool told his set “We got to hit them tonight Let them know where we stand How the game is played Violently over-taking all that is different – Conform or die Damn, I forget, am I still talking about the hood? Since all of us will never Agree on everything, there will always be enough Fuel She said “Staying at home is for suckers. Really, when I can hangout here Stay high all day. No cops, no mom or pops No reason why” Her future pimp passed her the pipe With a few words of insight
“I know how we can get some extra bucks For a few more rocks - You in? Pimp-shiesty grinned as she inhaled that Passionate poison and grinned Two weeks passed – Headlines read: “13 YEAR-OLD FOUND DEAD IN A STREET DITCH” The lines that followed explained that There was evidence that suggest She was drugged and raped by several men Only “the Street” knows the real Basically, there should never be consent from a 13 year-old Three bad ass white bitches pose with guns and automatics Two thumbs up says Simple and Eager Controversy about a redefined thug Holding guns, rockin’ dolla’s, rappin’ ‘bout the war In the US hoods What were their words? “We are fighting over there So that we don’t have to fight Over here.” Excuse me? The Headlines were blazin’ just a few weeks ago Teen violence is up after football games That’s not the start of it and It won’t be the end Somebody has to stand up to all the bullying Political, social, cultural, spiritual; It’s all being fueled by the fear Of the majority of the minority Not willing to speak.
A DIALOG FROM A DREAM Mother-
“Nothing…. Nothing…. Nothing…. I have nothing. All that anyone does will do nothing to bring back what I have lost.
Daughter- I will sleep now. I have a long road ahead of me. My purpose for life is clear. Mommy will soon see. Mother-
I don’t know how I will go on. I can’t take any more.
Daughter- She’s looking for something to give her life, to give her a reason for life. I will give her that reason. Mother-
How can I provide for this child? What I’m gone do? What I’m gone do? Lord, what I’m gone do?
Lord-
Rest my child. Rest, my angels are around as you weep. There is One to tend to now; One to tend to the distant now; One to lay a new foundation. And the one sent to you to keep you praying and to lift your faith. Your belief in Me shall be the oxygen that allows her to breathe. So rest my child. Just you rest.
Daughter- Mommy, while you sleep please hear me. We will not rebuild – but together we will build a life to testify on behalf of courage and strength. Don’t worry about what was lost. I can’t miss what I’ve never had. I have all I want and need with you. Just you rest. In time you will see I am the angels God promised. You are my oxygen. Pray. Have faith and I will breathe. Just you rest. You will see.
Mother-
I feel like a child born into a new world. No way of knowing which way is left. I have to trust that there is a reason. Three years ago I had no plans for my life. Today, I see that I must plan. My bread of heaven, my child, feed me till I want no more. I see the world is not worth wanting – and want no more.
MY DAILY BREAD There seems to be much confusion Distress from birth to death Fear is always lurking For a place to rest The beauty of the challenge To exist against all odds Bangs heads daily with Fear’s dogs What do you know of the canine That thrives off of anxiety’s juices? What do you know about Not knowing the truth? I know that I am nothing Without my inner power Insisting that not knowing is The Truth What ever! That’s not enough I need guarantees By not knowing The Truth I have guarantees I know that I must experience The wind against my trunk To know that I will not fall I know that I must Run in the rain To know that I will not melt I know that I must Sweat in the sun
To know that I will not burn Please spare me! Today, my life is Governed by idiots The strongest will rule – These fools Do not recognize or respect my mind They don’t care that I can multiply by nine I am meat They are planning a feast I am hunted They are the wind that Howls in my nightmares They smell my fear What would it hurt for you To ask for help It is within you You are chosen and placed Where you are suppose to be What if here is not were I want to be? You have a choice Why not make it What choice The man surrounds me You are surrounded By man I have to live with the anti-rules Inside rules I chose to live by peace
Piece by piece I can’t fight them all There are to many I can fight for me I can focus on me I can’t – it’s too hard I can – is softer There is no one out there There is someone inside me [One final glance into the mirror – let us both pray.] God – forgive me Jesus – love me Holy Spirit – guide me
KALEIDOSCOPE OF FEARS
Fragments of color part of a slow twirl Combinations of fractions to make my world Pay attention to detail – listen To your surroundings – see Colors manipulating the images of The sounds I see Sit on a park bench Close to those who think their rich Searching for fulfillment in material bits Part of a spiracle climb Winding, winding, winding, Familiarity in the strangest places Blends and bouquets united against Injustice – still creating Malice emotions for those surrounding The unity – I’m lighter than you Part of privileged class You darkies need my ass I’m your token – easier for them to talk to – Naw not just the whites but those privilege few Feeling higher than that star that sits on to of the moon Ass dumb – still haven’t acknowledge that They both still sittin’ surrounded by, Hugged and caressed by the darkness of night Craving neon lights Not much legal tender made after you can see the street lights Forced to blend all the fragments Crush them into powder Street physicians cleaning up by selling that “Satin Dust” Dark – silky to the touch Ingestion will take you on that trip 5 – 4- 3- 2 – 1
Ignite - - to the moon Some how we always fall short Colors swirling within the winds of a hurricane A painful emotion that started from a mother’s tears Collected in bottles – emptied down drains Form insanity – ill emotions contaminated the rivers and Bled their virus into the sea Laid dormant in the deepest darkest coldest waters Too many tears – Too many tears – Too many tears No room at the bottom - they festered and bubbled ‘Til the tears changed the ocean’s current Fury instantly creating blinding walls of water Ripping apart the sea - seeking out their original place of being Unable to be contained at the ocean’s bottom They sought out land Tears seeking more tears to strengthen their march of fury Colors, collided fragments of each twirling inside the winds Of a new justice No filtration to strike a specific race, man, woman or child Throw them all in the same tub Twist them up in the winds powered by the tears Now there’s a new kaleidoscope of fears.
The Humbling of Crysmys Divine Intervention First to Go Forgiveness Sacrifice Say His Name
Divine Intervention
Divine intervention Placed my heart in this condition Drowning in happiness No need for 911 Spent 36 years calling emergency Finally my angel came to me Conversation revealed our paths Have come close on several occasions The point is we weren’t ready For the other one Still playing games Not facing our reality Had we faced each other And our eyes had met We might have changed Destiny Divine intervention Knew we weren’t ready Baptism of pure love Cleaned our slate The rest of our life at stake No gamble just infinity We are ready
First To Go No respect in your neighbor’s eyes Although tears fell from mine Angered by the forgotten ancestry That crawled in the streets of Jackson, Mississippi Asked one I really can’t tell you Asked two Their response was “who?” Sadden heart fueled passion
Granddaughter of fallen martyrs The revolution lives inside Focusing on the need for Our race to survive Educator, administrator of discipline Heritage is the soul mate of History You were first to go So you left the longest impression
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a form of love So often forgotten by those Who practice this in vain Afraid to accept mistakes For fear of shame Love has many strands that Extend from its seams Forgiveness is unconditional Simply because I ask daily on my knees
Sacrifice Give yourself to others They reap the rewards Taken what you’ve given Leaving you with nothing Give your heart to others They rip it into parts Blood love stain the walls Leaving your empty Giving no more chances Refuse to dance to love’s beat “Whatever” and the hand Is what future lovers greet Broken finding reasons to survive You continue your sacrifice Giving yourself to others Giving your heart to be tortured No sacrifice made in return You pray to God and walk steadfast Believe – when your knees weaken Believe harder Then the eyes of sacrifice Looks into yours Someone to meet your needs Love has made sacrifices To bring a smile To your face
Say His Name
The pain cuts Razors to your heart No words to comfort Your absence of the physical love Know the spiritual love Consumes your void Jesus has a plan One we don’t always understand Trust in Him Feel His hug Grasping you in the night When the darkest hour Yells your insecurities For the world to hear Peace is in His Name Speak it Say His Name The pain will change Say His Name The only words of comfort I can say is Jesus knows Jesus loves Just say His Name.