UNISEX
Image by Pat Whelen on Unsplash
Image by Ivan Stern on Unsplash
I used to be terrified of sex. No one really taught me about sex, being safe with sex, getting contraception, understanding consent and your desires. Which considering my first encounters with sex was me being sexually assaulted numerous times, I always thought of sex as horrible and an obligation. I always felt ashamed of myself, and by the time I came to university, I was so damaged from being assaulted that my way of empowering myself was to start open conversations about sex. By not being ‘sexual’ I was locking myself up and hiding from the thing I was most afraid of.
what I have to say, and it is usually discussing the topic of sex dreams.
Yet, I came to find out that due to my openness everyone assumed that I had slept with loads of people, which shocked me, because I had not, and even if I had there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. I was confused as to why I was being shamed, especially considering it was something that just was not true in my case. So, I came to the conclusion that unfortunately as a woman, being a sexual being was going to be a label I would never shake, not only due to the patriarchal standards, but the moment I engaged with the topic, that’s all I would ever be.
They happen to all of us. Sometimes they can be super intense, and other times they can just be a thought or two.
I have had my fair share of being called ‘super sexual’ all the time. When actually I just say what I feel about sex. Not inappropriately or out of context, but if I speak to a guy or a girl and they talk about their sexual fantasies, I respond with mine. Typically, its the male response that results in shock from
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Sex dreams are probably one of the most inappropriate conversations you can have as a woman. Not because they should be but because ‘laddish’ culture suggests it’s a conversation for ‘the boys’ about their wet dreams and fantasies. For women, it leads back to even being told we are possessed for having any sort of sex drive.
Sex dreams, believe it or not, are not sexist.
Now, I understand sex a lot better, and I can confidently say I like sex. That does not mean I ‘sleep around’ or that I’m a ‘freak’. It means I have managed to confront my own oppositions to sex and my own fears, as well as free myself from this part of the patriarchy. I don’t ever want to fear sex again, or fear being labelled because of one of the most natural human interactions ever. So, I am dreaming of the day I can have a guilt free orgasm, aren’t you?
