Prepare for your year

Dear future au pair, Our Prepare for your year Handbook has been created with you in mind.

It is our goal to prepare you in the best possible way, so that you have a better understanding of the challenges you may face during your time as an au pair in the USA. Being aware of the challenges you may face will make them easier to handle if and when they arise, and make your stay more successful! The information in this handbook is based mostly on Cultural Care Au Pair’s experience as the largest au pair organisation in the world, on the feedback of thousands of former au pairs who have already traveled with us, and of course, on the vast knowledge of our staff members who have worked with this program for many years.

Please take time to read through this book carefully and reflect on the things you read. We also strongly suggest you ask your parents to read the Prepare for your year Handbook so they are aware of the challenges you might encounter during your stay abroad. If you are flexible, open minded and willing to share and care, the year(s) ahead will bring you great memories and friendships that will last a lifetime. Good luck and have a great time in the USA! The best of luck!

Yours sincerely,

The Cultural Care Au Pair Training Team 3

Table of contents Before you go

During your stay in the USA

The Cultural Care Au Pair support network___ 5

Stereotypes____________________________ 23

Your host family__________________________ 5

Culture shock___________________________23

Your Local Childcare Consultant____________ 5

Let´s play soccer________________________24

Cultural Care in the USA___________________ 7

Typical signs of culture shock_____________25

Cultural Care office in your home country____ 7

The adjustment cycle____________________26

Chain of communication___________________ 8

Dealing with culture shock________________28

Independent Support_____________________ 8

How to make your au pair term successful__28

Reflections before travelling

Suggestions for help_____________________34

Who are you?____________________________ 9

Homesickness

Why are you going?_____________________ 10

Homesickness & loneliness_______________37

Where do you come from?________________ 10

Symptoms of homesickness______________38

Where are you going?____________________ 11

Suggestions for help_____________________39

Goal, concerns and expectations

Your homesickness letter_________________42

Your goals_____________________________ 14

Helpful tools for living in the USA

Your concerns__________________________ 14

Advice from other au pairs________________46

Your expectations_______________________ 15

Case studies for discussion_______________47

Parents’ concerns_______________________ 16

Understanding your host family____________50

The expectations of others________________ 17

Curiousities about American culture________51

A full time job___________________________ 22

Along the way__________________________54

Time to go home Before you return_______________________ 57 2013 International Care Ltd.

4All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise – without prior permission of the publishers. Rules and guidelines in this handbook do not replace those in the au pair agreement. Information in this handbook may be replaced at any time.

Before you go The Cultural Care Au Pair support network If you need help during your au pair stay in the USA, you will be supported by a vast network of Cultural Care staff. We will introduce you to the people in this network who will be available whenever you need them.

Your host family The people you will have the most contact with are the members of your host family.

You will become a part of this family in addition to caring for their children. Your host family will feel responsible for you during the au pair stay and your relationship with them will grow as you continue to share your experiences.

Your Local Childcare Consultant (LCC) Each Cultural Care au pair and host family has an assigned LCC in their local area. The primary role of the LCC is to provide you and your host family with direct personal contact, support and information throughout the program. Your LCC will be your and your host family’s main contact with Cultural Care Au Pair throughout your time in the USA. You should feel free to call her/him with any questions or concerns you have. Some of their other responsibilities include: recruiting, interviewing and screening potential host families, and holding monthly au pair meetings.

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Most of our LCCs work with Cultural Care on a part-time basis and have a strong interest in cultural exchange and childcare. The LCCs are in regular contact with the Cultural Care office and are dedicated to making sure that both the au pairs and the host families have a successful program term. Since most LCCs have other jobs too, they may not be available at all times. If you cannot reach your LCC and you require immediate assistance, or if you would like to talk with someone other than your LCC, please contact your Program Director or the Operations department at 1-800-333-6056 or 1-800-448-5753.

You will have plenty of opportunities to talk to and meet with your LCC throughout the program term. You will receive a welcome call soon after arrival to your host family to touch base and get to know each other. Within two weeks of your arrival you will also have a welcome orientation with your LCC and your host family. This is a chance for you all to get to know the LCC better. Throughout your stay you will also attend monthly au pair meetings to give you the opportunity to talk to your LCC and to meet other au pairs in the area.

It is your responsibility to let your LCC know how you are doing. The more honest you are when talking with your LCC, the better she or he will know you and your needs. Call your LCC when you have done something special, something fun or if you want to talk about something that is bothering you. Not only do LCCs enjoy hearing about your experiences, they also want to help you solve any problems.

However, please keep in mind that they cannot help you if you do not share your concerns with them!

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Cultural Care in the USA In the USA you will not only be assigned an LCC who is responsible for you and the au pairs in your region, you will also be assigned a Program Director. She/he is responsible for a specific geographic area of the USA. Within the region she/he is responsible for supervising all au pair placements, and overseeing and directing a group of LCCs in that region. While Cultural Care does have a Program Director assigned to your area, it is important to know that the LCC will be your primary Cultural Care staff contact.

If you would like to speak with your Program Director, call 1-800-333-6056 (free call within the USA). You can call if you have questions or concerns about your host family, LCC, or any other issues. You will be able to reach your Program Director five days a week during office hours. If you don’t reach your Program Director immediately (they do most of their work on the phone so they may already be on a call), please leave a detailed voice mail including your complete name, state and telephone number and they will call you back, or call the Operations department at 1-800-448-5753.

Cultural Care Au Pair office in your home country Cultural Care Au Pair in your home country will help you to prepare for your stay ahead. The office in your home country is in daily contact with the office in the USA. In any emergency we can assist in reaching your family in your home country. However, to honor your privacy we will only discuss your situation with you. We trust that you will keep your friends and family updated on your own.

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Chain of communication

Au Pair

Our experience has led us to develop a chain of communication that helps us to solve problems efficiently. Our philosophy is simple: take care of the problem where it started. We stress that the au pair should take the initiative and speak directly with the host family about the problem. If the problem cannot be

Host Family

solved, then continue through the proper channels; talk to your LCC, then next if necessary to your Program Director in our US office. The Cultural Care Au Pair office in your home country is always a last resort. By following this chain of communication we can solve problems together and your independence will develop in the process.

LCC Local Childcare Consultant

Independent support You have been selected to become an au pair because we believe you are ready and able to spend up to two years working and living in a new country and culture.

While we expect you to have the maturity and flexibility to deal with day-to-day challenges on your own, we are ready to offer you support whenever you need it.

Cultural Care office in host country

If you have a great experience, you might only have limited contact with Cultural Care, but remember that there is a large network ready to help if it is needed.

Cultural Care office in home country

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Reflections before travelling Before you head off on your new adventure it is important to reflect and think about who you are as a person and how others might perceive you.

Who are you?

What kind of person are you and how do you see yourself? (Use adjectives) _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 1. What is important to you? _________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 2. Are there things you would like to change about yourself? (Getting upset easily, being messy, often late, etc.) _________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 3. What kind of person do your parents think you are? _____________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 9

How do your friends see you? ________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

Why are you going?

People decide to become an au pair for many different reasons.. Please take some time to think about and define the three main reasons why you want to be an au pair in the USA. You may want to discuss this with your parents or someone else who knows you well.

1. _____________________________________________________________ 2. _____________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________

Where do you come from?

Each family and culture is different. Please take a minute to think about yours.

What is your country like,(culture, beliefs and customs)?____________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What is your community/town like?___________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

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What is your family like?____________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What will you have to do to fit into your new home, community and country? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think you will miss most about your own family, community and country? _____________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Take a look at all of your answers. To make your au pair stay a success it is important to realize who you are and what you have to offer! You also need to be prepared for that fact that you will soon depart from many familiar things.

Where are you going?

No two families are alike. Lifestyles of families vary greatly, although they may share common cultural characteristics. Your experience will be unique from any other au pair’s because of this variety. It is important to be aware of such differences, so that you can appreciate your own family’s lifestyle and uniqueness. Cultural Care Au Pair host families come in different shapes and sizes. However, all host families 11

do have some things in common—they need flexible, quality childcare and have an interest in cultural exchange. List what you think a “typical� host family is like: _ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Why do you think a family would want to have an au pair from another country living with them and taking care of their children? ________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think parents want for their children?________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think a host family expects from their au pair? _________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Imagine that you are a host family choosing an au pair for your children. How would you want him or her to act? ____________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 12

What “typical� expectations do you think au pairs in general have of their host families? ________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What are some of the adjustments you may have to make when you live with your host family?______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think people in the USA are like? Make a list of characteristics:____ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ How do you see people in your home country? ___________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ How do you think people in the USA see people in your home country? Make a list of positive and negative things: ____________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 13

Goals, concerns and expectations Your goals Think back to what first interested you in becoming an au pair. As you prepare to leave, it is important to remember these reasons. It is also important to think about what you want to accomplish during your time away from home.

List three goals you would like to achieve during your au pair stay: 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________________

Your concerns It is natural to be a little worried about what will happen during your time abroad.

Many au pairs have exactly the same worries! They worry about homesickness, language difficulties, host family relations, caring for their children and making new friends. Later, during your program term, you will be able to look back at these concerns with a different perspective and realize just how much you have learned.

When you become an au pair, your decision affects your family too. It is very normal that your parents worry a little bit. Sometimes they are even more worried than you are! Please discuss any concerns you have and compare them with your parents concerns.

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List three concerns about being an au pair in the USA: 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________________

Your expectations All participants (au pairs, parents, host families, LCCs) have certain expectations of the experience and of each other. It is important to know what these expectations are, and whether yours are realistic. Please take a moment to think about the following questions, and maybe also discuss them with your parents.

What do you expect from your time abroad? _____________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think your host family expects from you? (Take into consideration what you would expect from your au pair if you had children and decided to have an au pair caring for them).__________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think your LCC expects from you? _________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 15

What do you think Cultural Care Au Pair expects from you? ________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think your parents expect from you? ________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you expect the USA and Americans to be like? ____________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What do you think it will be like to care for children every day?_______________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

Parents’ concerns List three concerns about your son/daughter’s time abroad: 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________________

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The expectations of others Host families’ expectations

Your host family is looking forward to this experience as much as you are. They want to share their life with you and make you feel like a member of their family, comfortable and happy in their home. But you will also be caring for their most important thing - their children! They will expect you to make the children your number one priority. Most host families will expect you to: • Keep their children safe and well cared for.

• K eep an open line of communication with them regarding their children and how you yourself are doing.

• Engage in interactive play with their children to help them develop.

• Provide up to 45 hours of childcare per week.

• Share your culture and yourself.

• Be honest and open with them.

• Respect their way of living.

• Follow household rules and curfews (if any).

• Avoid taking things for granted.

Ask questions and tell them if you are confused or don’t understand. Talk to your host family; tell them what you are doing, thinking and feeling. Don’t assume that other people know how you feel. Sharing misunderstandings can often be amusing! Always remember to be sensitive in your communication. Mutual respect between au pairs and host families is one key for success.

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Be on time when you work, if you are scheduled to work early in the morning, you should get enough sleep to be alert with the children. If you are late, your host parents may be late for work. Tell your family if you make any plans, and make sure they are okay. The host family feels responsible for you and cares about you, so they want to know where you are, who you are with and when you will be back. They want to know if you will miss dinner, need a ride or would like to invite a friend over to the house. Families do not like surprises about these things!

Let the host family meet your new friends and if you have a date, present him or her to your host parents. This is common in most countries and will strenghten the family bond.

Offer to cook a meal once in a while; maybe a speciality from home. Helping out in the kitchen is always appreciated. As a member of the house you should also pick up after yourself and be mindful of common tasks like emptying the dishwasher periodically. Be considerate about using the telephone, internet or your cell phone.

Try not to spend the whole night on the phone or online talking to your friends, and always ask before making a long-distance phone call. You should always pay for your calls and online time as soon as the phone bill arrives. Be careful to limit your time on the computer, and you should never be online or on the phone with friends when caring for the children.

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LCCs’ expectations

Your LCC will be there to give you support and help in case problems occur.

Your LCC will expect you to: • Take your au pair responsibilities seriously.

• Be open to new situations and people.

• K eep communication open and let him/her know how you are doing on a regular basis.

• Abide by all Cultural Care Au Pair Rules & Regulations.

Community expectations

Your host community plays an important role in your daily life as an au pair.

Your community will expect you to: • Abide by all local, state and national laws.

• Be respectful and open to the community’s way of life.

• Share your culture and traditions.

• Speak English!

Cultural Care Au Pair expects our au pairs:

• To take their au pair responsibilities seriously.

• T o be open and share their experiences and culture with their host family and friends.

• To be a good representative of their country.

• To be flexible, adaptable and positive.

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• To accept and show respect for the host culture and host family.

• To abide by all Cultural Care Au Pair rules and regulations.

• To be open and honest with the host family about problems.

• T o talk to their LCC or office staff about any problems that cannot be solved with the host family.

Cultural Care Au Pair expects the au pair’s parents:

• To be supportive of their daughter/son’s decision to become an au pair.

• To try to understand all sides of a situation if a problem or issue develops.

• To give their daughter/son a chance to make mistakes, be challenged and grow.

• T o understand that their child is now taking steps to become a responsible adult in someone else’s home.

• T o respect their child’s privacy and understand that, as our customers, we communicate with our au pairs directly regarding problems.

Cultural Care Au Pair expects the host families:

• To help au pairs intergrate into a new culture.

• T o welcome an au pair into their home and work to help them integrate into the family.

• To understand that au pairs are entitled to a rewarding cultural experience.

• To talk openly to the au pair about how they feel things are going.

• T o talk to their LCCs about any problems that cannot be solved by family members alone.

• To abide by Cultural Care Au Pair rules and regulations.

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Cultural Care Au Pair expects LCCs to:

• Select, interview and prepare appropriate host families.

• Help facilitate the best possible au pair and family match.

• Try to understand all sides of a situation if a problem should occur.

• Attempt to solve problems quickly and efficiently.

• Maintain regular contact and support for au pairs and host families.

During your time in the USA it is important to remember why you wanted to become an au pair and what goals you set out to achieve during your program term. Sometimes it might be difficult but remember: “It’s a challenge to experience something new, and it takes effort to grow.”

By becoming an au pair you are taking a huge step in your own development. You may have lived in an environment where you know everyone; your family, friends, school, work etc. You have been taken care of by your family and now you are transitioning to be independent in another country. You will not know anyone when you arrive which can be scary. Your host family will also expect you to be a responsible adult, taking care of their children. You will be expected to be independent and make adult decisions. There will of course always be help if you need it, and you can always ask your host family or call your LCC, but being an au pair involves a great deal of responsibility and independence, so you should be prepared to handle some situations on your own.

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A full time job Working in your host family means that you will be spending most of the day on your own with the children, taking care of them, feeding them, playing with them, or taking them to different activities. There will not be a lot of flexibility in meeting your friends or free time, and you have a schedule to follow and rules to respect.

Your first priority always has to be the host children and taking care of their needs.

This can sometimes be challenging as you might feel that you are missing out on things that your friends are doing, but remember that everyone has different schedules, so your friends will certainly miss out on other things that you are doing.

Look back at “Who are you” and “Where do you come from” on pages 9-10. Now that you have thought about where you are going, what adjustments will you have to make? What do you think you might have difficulties with, and how will you handle them?_____________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 22

During your stay in the USA Stereotypes What is a stereotype?

It is common for people to stereotype the people they meet. A stereotype is a general idea people commonly have of specific groups of people; i.e. specific nationalities, ages, sex, etc. For example: “All Americans eat burgers and fries every day”, is one way of stereotyping Americans. Stereotyping people is easy to do—especially when you do not really know them.

It is important to remember that people are individuals with qualities much deeper than the stereotypes we form. Only when you let go of stereotypes will you truly understand the people you meet abroad. Do not be fooled by first impressions!

Be careful not to criticize another lifestyle until you understand why people do the things they do. It might help you to remember that you may not exactly fit the stereotype of a person from your country. Just as you want to be accepted for the unique person you are, you should be prepared to accept others openly as well.

Culture shock For many of our au pairs, moving to the USA is confusing at first. The rules are different, the surroundings look strange and the people speak a new language. It can be uncomfortable to be surrounded by unfamiliar ways of thinking and behaving.

This confusion is usually called “culture shock”. Culture shock expresses the lack 23

of direction, the feeling of not knowing what to do or how to do things in a new environment, and not knowing what is appropriate. The feeling of culture shock generally sets in after the first few weeks of coming to a new place or country.

Culture shock can also be described as the physical and emotional discomfort you may experience when coming to live in another country. Many times, the way that you have lived before is not accepted or considered as normal in the new country.

Most things may be different and it can be confusing not knowing how to use bank machines, the phones, what the traffic signs mean, how to drive big vans, how to cook with different measurings, understanding the temperature in Fahrenheit and so forth.

Let’s play soccer Now, let us do a little role play. Imagine you are a soccer player. A team in another town has invited your team to play. When you arrive on the playing field, you start the game. Suddenly, you notice that the other team is playing a different game, with different rules. It is similar to soccer, but the ball is different and the rules are strange.

What will you do?

• Tell the other team they have to play soccer your way.

• Get angry with them and leave.

• Ask about the rules of the other team’s game and learn how to play it.

• Other (please describe): ___________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________ 24

This situation is similar to what happens when someone travels to a foreign country. Some people feel like rejecting the new culture altogether, or making others behave the way they do “back home.” Other people are prepared to learn new ways. What do you think is the best way to handle the situation?

Typical signs of culture shock Here are some typical signs of culture shock that au pairs may experience: • Y ou begin to dislike your host country and make negative comments such as: “I hate the people here. Everyone here is stupid. Their way of doings things is terrible. Ours is much better.” You are starting to develop stereotypes about Americans and the USA and you may start to idealize your home country.

• Y ou begin to spend a lot of time alone thinking about home and how much better life is there. In your free time you prefer to be alone in your room, away from your host family, children and friends. You only leave your room for meals, and then you say very little to your host family.

• You feel sad and lonely and cry often and have trouble concentrating. You may feel a lack of confidence and find simple problems overwhelming to solve. You have sleeping problems, and may want to sleep a lot more or less than usual without any obvious reason.

• Your temperament changes and you get upset easily at small things which normally would not bother you at all.

• You may feel lost, insecure, and misunderstood and you start to miss your family and friends back home more than usual.

The good news is… this will pass! As you adjust to your new environment, you will learn and grow from the experience.

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The adjustment cycle

A sample time line

Culture shock can appear at different times and is not always easy to notice. It usually builds up slowly and the signs are not always obvious. For example, you

Honeymoon stage

might find that you are uncomfortable with the behaviour of people, how they eat, talk or greet each other. You might begin to think that the way people behave at home is the best way, and that people in the USA are behaving the “wrong” way.

This can be a sign of culture shock, and is a normal reaction to living away from home. Just remember, most au pairs experience this in one way or another, even

Cultural shock

the ones who think that they will not. Most people follow the adjustment cycle as outlined below: Honeymoon stage

Everything seems exciting, interesting and new. You seem to be very content and “in love” with your new country, host family, host children, etc.

Surface adjustment Hidden problems

Culture shock or fatigue

You start to see differences and begin to feel uncomfortable. You feel tired, both physically and mentally. You prefer to be alone rather than with your host family

Feeling like fitting in

and friends, and you may feel misunderstood by your host family or more sensitive than normal. The USA is not the same country as your home country. Many things you do at home you will not be able to do while away. Be prepared for the fact that many things are different, and that it will take a while to get adjusted to your new country, the new language and new customs. But isn’t one of the reasons you are becoming an au pair to experience these new things?

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Going home

Surface adjustment

You begin to understand the people in your new country and their ways of living.

You feel more comfortable in your environment and start to gain confidence and independence. You feel you are starting to fit into your new life.

Hidden problems

Although you seem to be fitting in on the outside, you begin to question some parts of the culture. You are homesick, lonely and may have conflicts with family and friends. You may feel unhappy and think, “Everything would be better, if only...”

Fitting in

You accept your host culture and feel comfortable with the lifestyle. You may even feel like a native of your host country. You will realize that the new culture, just as your home culture, has good and bad things to offer.

Going home

You will have mixed feelings about returning to your own country. You’ll feel sad to leave your new family and friends. You may find that things are not the same at home anymore, and people have changed. Or you may feel that things have not changed at all as if the time has stood still while you were away. But keep in mind, YOU have changed. You have learned and experienced things about your new country, yourself and your home country, that will make things a little bit confusing at first.

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These stages are present at different times and each person has their own way of reacting to culture shock. As a consequence, some stages will be longer and more difficult than others. Many factors contribute to the duration and effects of culture shock.

For example, your state of mental health, personality, previous experiences, socioeconomic conditions, familiarity with the language, family and/or social support.

Dealing with culture shock Culture shock is nothing to be afraid of. You may have felt something like it before if you have ever changed schools or moved to a new town. When coming to the USA as an au pair you will almost certainly experience some of the symptoms of culture shock, and it is helpful to have prepared beforehand so that you know how best to deal with them.

Do not worry, though - there are several ways to feel better and it will soon pass!

How to make your au pair term successful Your time abroad will be exciting but sometimes challenging. Communication is the key to a good relationship with your host family. Remember, it’s not right, it’s not wrong, it’s just different. With a few tips, you will be able to handle the challenges more smoothly.

Good judgment and common sense

During your time in the USA, you’ll be expected to act as a mature and responsible individual. After all, you have been given a very important job: caring for 28

someone else’s children. You must show that you have enough good judgment to do your job well. Therefore, if there is any type of problem, we expect that you will handle it in a mature and appropriate manner. As one example, in the event of a problem or conflict you should first try to communicate with your host family. If the problem or conflict seems too large or difficult to handle, you should inform your LCC immediately and work with him/her to solve it. Honesty and communication is the key!

There are many types of “common sense” decisions you will be expected to make.

Having “common sense” means that you make good day-to-day decisions. Never leave children unattended, even for a few minutes. This means you should never leave small children alone in the car or in one room while you are in another.

Especially when children are in the bathtub, on a changing table or in any similar situation—you must have your eyes on them at all times. Your host family will expect you to use the internet and telephone in your free time, not while watching the children.

Weekly meetings

It is a good idea to make time to talk to your family on a regular basis, perhaps in a formal “meeting” environment at first until your communication becomes natural.

We recommend that you start a routine of weekly meetings to make it easier and more natural to talk about problems that occur. Weekly meetings are important for clarifying your schedule and opening the lines of communication between you and your host parents. You should talk to your host parents as much as you can 29

and share all your thoughts or concerns, no matter how small they may seem. It is better to solve a problem by discussing it in the beginning than to wait until it becomes a bigger problem, which you might be unable to fix.

Some good topics to cover in your meetings might be: • How did the past week go? (for both you and your host family) • How is the schedule working? Will there be any changes next week?

• How are the kids adapting?

• How are you feeling being away from home?

• Is there anything further you need from each other (support, communication, _ __ etc) right now? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 30

Share your thoughts

Generally, it is important to not just talk about problems, but also to tell your host family about the positive things, like what you do with the children, with your friends, etc. Share all the things you are learning about the USA and about yourself. In a cultural exchange, there is no wrong, stupid or bad question. However, it is helpful to phrase things in a positive, sensitive way. Misunderstandings can happen easily so always trust that everyone has the best of intentions. Often, problems can develop because the au pair and host family do not communicate clearly or sensitively. To avoid language misunderstandings, you should repeat in your own words what was just said. For example, say something like, “Let me make sure I understand you correctly, you are concerned about...”. It is difficult communicating in a foreign language, but the earlier you “jump in” and speak, the quicker you learn and the more fluent you become.

How to bring up a concern

If a problem arises, try to assume the best first and try to work together to solve a mutual problem. For example, saying “I’m working too hard”, might feel true but sounds angry and accusatory. It doesn’t show an interest in creating a solution.

Stating that, “My hours are really long and I am tired—could we sit down to discuss this and find a solution?” is a more mature and solution oriented approach.

If you are unhappy, often times, your host family is too. Work together to get a problem solved! In the event that you and your host family cannot come to an agreement, your LCC should be contacted.

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Working through difficult times

We want to make sure that you have a happy and successful time in the USA, but you must also realize that switching families can be a very difficult and serious decision. For example, it is unacceptable to want to switch families simply because you are unhappy with a curfew, the area you live in or if you would prefer more driving privileges. In the spirit of cultural exchange, we expect you to be mature, responsible, flexible and successful in your childcare duties; we will not attempt to find a new family for you if you have not acted in this manner. Keep in mind that we expect the same from our host families too!

Changing host families

The first month of any placement is a period of adjustment and therefore Cultural Care will not process any non-emergency transitions during this period.

However, after the first month, in the event of a serious conflict or personality difference between you and your host family, your LCC will arrange for a mediation meeting to take place. “Mediation” means that different sides of a conflict try to work through a problem in a calm and objective matter to find a solution that is the best possible outcome for all sides. Both you and your host family will be present at this meeting, as well as your LCC, and you are all expected to voice your concerns. It is Cultural Care’s policy that no decisions regarding changing host families (except in extreme circumstances) will take place without everyone having participated in this mediation. After this meeting you and your host family will be given a two-week trial period as a last attempt to come to an agreement. In this time we must see true efforts on both parts to resolve the conflict. If problems 32

cannot be solved, you will have what is called an “exit interview� and if possible we will begin looking for a new host family for you, and a replacement au pair for your host family.

In this situation, we ask that you remain flexible and patient. Finding a new family that is a good fit for you is as challenging as it was when you were in your home country. Please do not expect a solution or a change immediately, as this is both unrealistic and impossible. We also will ask you to be as open as possible to the area you will consider, types of families and ages of children, within reason. During the transition period, you are expected to remain with your host family for a period of two weeks and perform your duties to your best ability. Keep in mind that if we cannot find a suitable host family for you two weeks after the transition has been decided on, you may have to return to your home country.

There may also be instances when Cultural Care determines that an au pair is not suitable for replacement in another family. These may include, but are not limited to: breaking rules in the au pair agreement; not taking care of the children in a responsible manner; leaving the host family without prior consent from Cultural Care; not attending monthly meetings; not fulfilling the educational component; extremely restrictive requirements in terms of region, benefits, etc. and/or if a recommendation for replacement cannot be provided by either the host family, the Local Childcare Consultant and/or the Program Director. In such cases, the au pair will end up going home early at his/her own expense. However, it is our goal to have all of our au pairs successfully complete their program term, so returning au pairs to their home country is a very last resort.

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Between two homes...

Although we recognize that any transition situation may be an uncomfortable or difficult time for all parties involved, it is necessary for everyone to work together to ensure the smoothest transition possible. Flexibility and tolerance are essential!

During the transition period, you will get paid if you are still working in the host family, but if you are not working, you will not receive the weekly stipend.

Staying with your LCC

In case of an emergency you may have to stay with your LCC, or an approved home your LCC designates, until a more permanent solution can be found. If this is the situation, please remember to be considerate in your guest home. You will not be paid during this time.

Early departure from the program

If you are unable to remain in the USA for the entire program term, you may face certain penalties. You should carefully review your Au Pair Agreement to be informed about these penalties which may include (but are not limited to) having to pay for your own flight home.

Suggestions to help Here are a few of our suggestions to help au pairs deal with culture shock: • B e open and talk to your host family, friends or LCC. Let them know how you feel so they understand your situation. Your LCC has experiences working with other au pairs and can provide great support to you and your host family.

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• K eep busy and avoid spending too much time alone. Get involved in something new! If you have not already started taking classes, sign up now! Call up another au pair and learn more about your area, develop a hobby, go to the gym, etc.

Being active helps the challenging times pass quickly.

• M aintain contact with other au pairs from your home country in your area.

This will give you a feeling of belonging and you will reduce your feelings of loneliness and alienation. Remember: They have felt the same things!

• T ry not to say that things in the USA are “stupid” or “awful,” and that things are better in your country even if you feel that way. These feelings will go away, but saying them may hurt a lot of people in the meantime.

• T ry to understand why Americans behave the way they do. This will help you accept things that might otherwise seem strange, feel more included in the culture and get the most out of your stay in the USA. • Try to better your language skills—start practicing!

• D o not compare your own family with your host family or your culture with the culture of your host country. Try to think: “It’s not wrong, it’s not right, it’s just different.”

• A llow yourself to feel sad about the things that you have left behind: your family your friends, etc. But don’t forget the good things you have already learned or experienced!

• B e easy on yourself and avoid places or situations that make you feel more stressed. Do not feel pressured to do more than you feel ready for.

• T ry to approach difficulties with a positive, solution-oriented attitude. Try to keep in mind that everyone involved has the best intentions.

• Set some simple goals for yourself and evaluate your progress.

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• Find ways to live with the things that don’t satisfy you 100%.

• M aintain confidence in yourself. Follow your ambitions and continue your plans for your au pair stay.

List some things you could do to handle some of these feelings:_______________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ If you feel stressed, look for help. There is always someone available whether it be your host family, your LCC, other au pairs, or the staff of Cultural Care!

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Homesickness Homesickness & loneliness Homesickness, (generally described as a feeling of longing for your familiar surroundings), and loneliness are common problems when you are away from home.

It is especially common for young people, and most au pairs will be homesick at some point. This usually happens when you are getting used to your daily life as an au pair. Some au pairs will start by being mildly “down” and anxious several weeks before leaving home, in anticipation of the change. Others will be fine at first, and then to their surprise find themselves feeling homesick later during the program term, perhaps after the holidays, or at a birthday. But commonly it is the first few days or weeks after arriving that are the most difficult. You are not immune to this just because you have succesfully been away from home before, but if you have experienced this before, you know it will pass, and that is very helpful when you are in the middle of it. The distance from home, the sense of “anticlimax” at finally being in the USA after having looked forward to it for so long, unhappiness due to unmet expectations, and whether or not family members at home are well and happy are all factors that can contribute to you feeling homesick.

Everyone has a different level of tolerance to change and has learned different ways of coping with new situations. But why does one become homesick? At home where everyhing is familiar, you feel accepted and secure, and are therefore able to function and meet challenges successfully. Apart from that, in unfamiliar surroundings your ways of coping and working are challenged; you are more afraid to 37

fail and your self esteem and confidence may drop for a while. Tasks which would normally be handled without any major effort, can suddenly seem quite a challenge, or even feel impossible.

Unfortunately, the most common reaction to homesickness is to be quiet. However, this is not a good way to cure your homesickness and loneliness. The best you can do is to talk to your host family and friends, especially those people in the US that can help you. Discuss with your natural parents how they would react if you became homesick or lonely.

Symptoms of homesickness Most people have felt homesick at some point in their lives, perhaps when they were younger, and it is easy to forget just how overwhelming it can be. While there is no “universal symptom” of homesickness, most describe it as a want or longing to be back home. People may describe their feelings as a deep sadness, depression, frustration, anger or hopelessness. Sometimes the feelings are so intense that you may experience physical symptoms. People who have severe homesickness may experience nausea, diarrhea, headaches and crying. During times of homesickness you may even think about going home early.

One of the best ways to “cure” homesickness is to bring along “transitional objects” such as photographs of family and friends. Those mementos can alleviate uncomfortable feelings when you are away from home. Going away as an au pair generates both excitement and anxiety about the move, the work with the children, meeting 38

new people, etc. For some, this apprehension is quickly overcome as they adapt to a new environment; for others the transition takes longer and sometimes emerges as homesickness where there is a preoccupation with home-focused thoughts. There is a yearning for and grieving over the loss of what is familiar and secure. Most often it is about the loss of family and friends, but it is also about the loss of places and routines, and the realization that family life continues without you.

Missing home is one thing, but if and when you experience real homesickness you might notice an increase in depressed feelings, anxiety, obsessive thoughts and minor physical problems. Homesickness can often be distinguished from depression in this way; in depression sufferers find both life as an au pair in the USA and home awful, whereas in homesickness, life in the USA can feel awful, while home may be seen as perfect even, though you didn´t think so when you lived there.

Make a list of what you would do if you became homesick: __________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________

Suggestions for help • T alk to someone; your host family and/or LCC and your friends! Let them be involved so that they can help you.

• Don’t call your parents and/or boyfriend/girlfriend immediately! Hearing their voices will make you miss them more. If you really feel that you need to talk to them, try to wait a few days. In most cases, after a few days, your homesickness will have calmed down and you will have a better perspective on your sitution.

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• Reduce contact with your own family and friends in your home country for a while. Ask your parents to only call you every so often. Having your parents call you several times a day to check in on you will only make things worse. Maybe plan for them to come visit you at the end of your au pair term.

• W rite letters to your parents and/or your friends. Even if you decide afterwards not to send them, it is always constructive to put your feelings on paper.

• Try to divide the year in parts. Don’t look months ahead. Try to look days or weeks ahead instead.

• Keep busy!

• Make new friends and experience new things—try a new sport or activity.

• Find out something about the USA and your area that you have been curious about. Contact your local tourist and information center for ideas.

• Remember to get enough food and sleep!

• If you have trouble doing normal social and academic things or become depressed, seek professional help. Cultural Care Au Pair has a program counselor you can talk to.

Remember that many other au pairs have similar feelings, even though you may assume that they are doing fine. It is normal to feel sad and homesick! You are also allowed to enjoy yourself—it isn’t being disloyal to those you miss.

You will come through times of homesickness if you are willing to give yourself some time to adjust: you don’t have to get everything right straight away. Nor do you have to rush into making major decisions about staying or leaving. Deciding to go home too quickly will not solve anything in the long run anyway. At first you 40

may be happy to see your home, parents and friends, but very soon you may start wondering why you came home and may feel like you have failed for not trying hard enough. Make up your mind that you will give it a chance. After all, you have done a lot to get here, why give up now?

When you are in the middle of difficult times and feel overwhelmed by homesickness, you may think that the feelings you have will never pass, and you may not believe others when they tell you it will. It is perfectly normal that you may not even believe other au pairs who have experienced this themselves, and you will probably not believe your parents, your host family and your LCC. The feelings you have may be so painful and strong that it is hard to believe it will ever get better. But it will! The more prepared and well informed you are, the easier it will be if you experience culture shock and/or homesickness.

For example, even if you are not homesick yet, you might want to ask other au pairs who have been in the USA longer than you have, if they were homesick and how they dealt with it. They are also a living proof that it will feel a lot better in just a few weeks! We have many au pairs who wanted to go home in the beginning, but gave it some time and when looking back, they where very happy that they did not give up, as they would then have missed everything they experienced. Some of these au pairs felt homesick for the USA, while back in their home country.

It is pretty common to feel homesick, particularly around the holidays. We all miss our family and friends at times and it is nothing to be ashamed of. During your au 41

pair stay, however, it is best to make an effort to bond with your host family and your new friends in your host country. This is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. You will eventually return home to your own family and friends and resume your old life. For your time in the USA, it is probably best that you do not call your own family and friends too often, but seek support and companionship from those around you instead.

Remember that your time in the USA will not last forever, and you must make the most of the opportunity. Thinking about home all the time will only result in your missing out on some of the fun of this new experience. Your own family and old friends will still be there when you go back home.

Your homesickness letter If you get homesick, it may be a good idea to remind yourself why you decided to go as an au pair to the USA and what you will do to feel better. Use the space below to write a “letter� to yourself that you can read if you should need it at some point.

If I get homesick, I would like to remind myself of why I decided to go as an pair (to learn English, meet new people, experience the US, etc): _________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ If I get homesick, I will do the following to feel better (cook a dish from my home42

country for my host family, meet other au pairs in the area for coffee, etc):______ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ List a few things you want your parents to do or not to do if you experience homesickness and call home to talk (do not tell me that it is ok to just give up and come home, etc):_______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Don’t forget to show this to your parents, so they know how to support you best.

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Helpful tools for living in the USA Speak English!

Language is the key to understanding a new culture. Expose yourself to the English language as much as possible through newspapers, movies, TV and conversations with your host family, friends and LCC. This will certainly help you speed up the process of making you feel comfortable and accepted in your community. Even if you do not speak fluently, your attempts to communicate are appreciated.

Create a support network

Contact other au pairs in your area and get to know your LCC well. That way when times are tough there is always someone to talk to Keep your eyes open

You will learn a great deal about your new culture by watching people’s faces, movements and interaction with one another.

Put yourself in other people’s shoes

Try to look at situations from the other person’s point of view. Always ask questions and explain what you are thinking. What may seem obvious to you may not be so obvious to someone else because of cultural differences.

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Learn to laugh at yourself

Adjusting to another culture and communicating in a new language is not easy, and at first you may be anxious about making mistakes when you speak. Laughing at your mistakes and taking risks are positive approaches to the adjustment process and help you learn faster.

Avoid stereotyping and making quick judgements

Although it is natural to label things as “good” or “bad,” doing so can keep you from becoming part of your new culture. Try not to judge people and situations until you are sure you understand why things are the way they are.

Be honest

Do not be afraid to admit you don’t understand something. It is usually best to tell someone that you are confused rather than pretending everything is all right.

Get involved in activities

You must make an effort to make friends and to participate in activities. Look for opportunities to share yourself and your culture whenever possible. At the same time, you should ask questions about people and your host country to show that you are interested in learning more about the culture. The best way to get someone’s attention is to give them yours! Staying busy is also a good remedy for homesickness. There will be ups and downs during your time in the USA but be positive.

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Advice from other au pairs We have asked former au pairs for words of advice for those au pairs who are about to leave for their au pair stay. Here are some examples of what they had to say: “Enjoy your stay! You might get homesick but that will go by. Time just goes by so fast. You won’t believe how fast. My year is almost over and I still feel like just having arrived yesterday.”

- Lisa, Germany “Read all the paperwork before you go. Talk to as many au pairs in your area you can find. And have an open dialogue with your LCC and host family.”

- Cicilia, Sweden “Try to get settled in the USA as much as possible and try to “forget” your home country for a year. Try to get to know American friends and try to get to know the American culture as much as possible. Never say “I will do it later” the time is running away!”

- Anja, Germany “Practice English as much as possible in your home country before coming to USA. It is so much easier to get used to things here when you understand more.“ - Juliana, Brazil Don’t have expectations. Some things can go wrong but others go really well. Be flexible, it doesn’t matter if you get the best family ever, there will be little stuff that’s going to annoy you sometimes and you have to learn to deal with it. And I think you should try to get a lot of friends, you are all in the same boat! You need each other and don’t be 46

scared to talk to someone new. The au pair meetings are great to meet new people and get others’ phone numbers so you can meet up sometime. And enjoy it, because it’s gonna be over before you know it.

- Martina, Sweden Just give it a chance, of course everything is new and kind of hard in the beginning, but it takes some weeks to get used to everything. Don’t give up after two weeks, because the kids don’t know you yet and the area is new.

- Ann, Germany The best advice that I can give to an au pair that is coming is that she/he needs to be very flexible and patient. It can be difficult sometimes with misunderstandings. The person has to be responsible and deal with difficult situations easily.

- Isabel, Colombia

Case study The following case study is an example of the problems and misunderstandings that may occur during your au pair stay. Please read through it and think carefully about how the au pair felt and reacted.

Case study: Anna

When Anna first arrived in the USA, she was sure that she was going to have the best time of her life. Her new host family was great and she really liked the kids!

She was very much looking forward to exploring her new country and meeting new friends. She was also excited to hear from other au pairs in her au pair group 47

and was hoping they would show her around. She took care of the children and she really liked them and the host family. She was busy learning how to drive the big family van and getting to know the kid’s schedules with school, playdates and after school activities. In her free time she was happy to stay in the house watching TV. It took her a while to get used to everything new, but as she became used to the USA, things started to slow down. Anna’s life became a routine of caring for the children during the day and watching TV or going back to her room after her host parents came home. As the weeks passed Anna found herself thinking more and more about life back home and began to stay in her room all the time, writing letters. She only came out for dinner or when she was scheduled to work and was not really interested in what was going on with her host family any more. She stopped sharing stories about what she had done with the children during the day and went back to her room as soon as she had finished. She was also a bit angry that no other au pairs had made contact with her yet.

Anna’s host family noticed that she was unhappy. One evening her host father asked her what was wrong. They had noticed that her mood had changed in the past month and they were very worried about her. Had they done something to make her angry? Were the children not good to her? Anna answered that nothing was wrong. Her host mother then said that she did not think it was good for Anna to spend all of her time in her room writing letters back home. She should be getting involved in family activities or sign up for a class so that she could meet more Americans. Anna said, “I do not like Americans. Why should I bother getting to know them?” She went back to her room, thinking that the end of the 48

program was very, very far away and that she could not wait to be back in her own country where people acted normally.

Questions about Anna’s situation

• What do you think is really happening to Anna?

• H ow would you feel if you were her host family? What can they do to help the situation?

• Should Anna call her LCC? • What can Anna do to improve her situation?

Understanding Anna’s situation

After the first hectic weeks when everyting was new and fantastic, things slowed down and Anna started to feel homesick. Anna didn´t see the signs of this, so instead of staying active, talking to her LCC and host family about what she was going through, she kept to herself thinking everything was much better at home.

Anna contacted the LCC, who told Anna to sign up for classes and to come to the next au pair meeting to meet all the other au pairs in the group. The LCC also told Anna to explain how she was feeling to her host family so that they would not think they had done anything wrong, and to avoid any missunderstandings on Anna´s capabilities to care for the children.

After a few days Anna felt a lot happier and after a few weeks Anna realised that she had expected other au pairs to contact her in the beginning, instead of just calling them herself. Her host family was relieved to hear that it was not something they 49

had done, and after some time Anna really enjoyed her life in the USA with her host family and her new au pair friends. Anna was happy she had given her homesickness some time instead of taking the next flight back home.

Understanding your American host family As an au pair you are a part of your host family. It is natural for you to have different interests from them, but it is important for you to respect and try to share in some of their interests in order to be part of the family and learn about American culture. Show the family that you are open to learn about their interests, but also let them know the things you like.

Comparing host families

Sometimes you may visit or hear about other host families, and you may think that their situation is better—that is, you may feel that another host family would be more fun or pleasant to live with, and the children easier to care for, and wish that they were your host family. We often learn most from people who aren’t exactly like us. There is something to be taught and experienced from each family. Unless your host family is unkind to you or is making life difficult, try to see their good sides and what they have to offer. Also remember that what looks on the outside to be a better situation has its own drawbacks.

Dealing with conflict

Americans tend to deal with disagreement in a very soft way compared to some other cultures. They aren’t blunt or direct and they try to be very careful about 50

offending the other person. As a result, they also do not respond well to a direct, blunt approach and may seem easily offended. Try to approach disagreements in a respectful, soft way at first. If you don’t know how to handle a certain situation, you can always ask the advice of your LCC.

Curiousities about American culture After the initial excitement of arriving in the USA dies down you will settle into your new life with your host family. However, almost every day you will discover cultural difference that may surprise you. Here are some examples: Service

You will quickly notice in the USA that customer service is very attentive, particularly in shops and restaurants. Walk into any clothes store and an assistant is sure to greet you with a cheerful ‘Hi! How are you today?” In restaurants, servers are very attentive and it’s common for them to ask you several times throughout the meal how the food is. Don’t be taken aback if your server gives you the check before you ask for it—it’s their way of offering you prompt and efficient service.

Loud and friendly

It’s easy to pick out an American in a crowd and you will probably hear them before you see them because Americans like to make themselves heard…loudly!

On the plus side, they are also extremely friendly and will strike up a conversation even if you don’t know them. As a result, they might think that you are homesick or shy if you are not as outgoing as they are at first. Your host family 51

may ask you frequently if you are ok. You will quickly adjust to one another though with time.

“Small talk”

Americans are outgoing by nature and love to chat. It’s not abnormal for people to talk about things like the weather at length just for the sake of making conversation. Make sure to engage with them in this “small talk”. Not responding or responding with short answers is often perceived by Americans as being cold and distant.

Dress

Americans have a tendency to ‘dress down’ particularly on the weekend. They love the casual sports look and jeans, sweatshirts and baseball caps are among their favorite items of clothing. Most Americans own at least one baseball cap, normally that of their favorite football (American football, of course!) or baseball team—and they wear it with pride on a regular basis!

Conservative

Although this varies by region, you’ll find that most Americans are quite conservative in their opinions and approach to sex and dating compared to most countries.

You’ll never see nudity on television in the USA and dress is considerably more conservative. Wearing revealing clothing (showing stomach or cleavage) around children is considered disrespectful by most families, so make sure that you dress appropriately when spending time with the children.

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Shopping

Your first visit to an average American supermarket or department store will be a real treat as the choices are endless and the size of the stores is huge. You’ll find that for every item a store carries there are about 20 different types and brands.

Spending an afternoon at the mall is a major American pastime. Whether it be for shopping, watching a movie or just hanging out and grabbing a coffee, the malls are a great place to go for an afternoon and with many to choose from most people soon find a favorite.

Cars

Americans like their cars in the same proportions as their food—big and they drive them everywhere! The roads are packed with SUV’s (Sports Utility Vehicles) built to withstand all weather. Don’t be surprised if you notice an American driving the equivalent of a 15 minute walk to go the gym to run on a treadmill.

Politics

One of the biggest differences you’ll see while living in the USA is a lack of international news coverage. Most of the media coverage you’ll find concentrates on what happens in America and may not be similar to what you see at home. Remember to keep an open mind when it comes to this as many Americans have opinions based solely upon what the media tells them.

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Along the way Now that you are at the halfway point of your exchange experience, you should take some time to look at everything that you have learned, so ask yourself the following questions: Have your language skills improved? How much?

List three things you have learned about your host country and community: 1. _____________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________________ List three things you have learned about your host family: 1.______________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________________ List three things you have learned about yourself: 1.______________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________________ 3. _____________________________________________________________ What has been your greatest challenge so far and how did you handle it? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ List three things you still do not understand about your host country: 1.______________________________________________________________ 2.______________________________________________________________ 3.______________________________________________________________ 54

Look again at the goals you set on page 14. Have you achieved any of them?

Make another list of goals for the rest of your stay:_________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Remember! It is up to you to make your stay enjoyable. It will be as fun and exciting as you make it!

Stereotypes

What have you learned about your host country and its culture that you did not know before?_____________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ If you need help in the USA

• T alk to your host family and be open. Keeping a problem to yourself will only make things worse.

• C ontact your LCC if you can’t talk with your host family or solve the problem alone. Most problems can be solved through discussion and compromise together with the people involved.

• Y our LCC is trained in counseling techniques and can, in most cases, help au pairs and host families work out a solution.

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• I f you can’t talk to your LCC for some reason, please call your Program Director in the Cultural Care Au Pair office in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

• I n an emergency you can contact Cultural Care at 1-800-333-6056 24 hrs per day.

• R emember that you are also always welcome to contact the Cultural Care Au Pair office in your home country directly, but the staff in Cambridge is in daily contact with your home office and they will contact your parents in case of emergency.

• D o not alarm your parents about a problem until you have first tried to solve it with your host family, LCC or Program Director. Calling them will only worry them as they are too far to help you. Problems normally need to be handled where they are happening. Please discuss how to solve problems you think might come up. Is it important that both you and your parents understand and agree on solving problems efficiently by following these channels of communication.

• E very problem has a solution as long as everyone involved is willing to try; and as long as we remember that different people have different feelings about the same problem. Remember the things you thought you would have problems with and try to adapt. Following these channels of communication will help solve your problems, and your questions and concerns will be handled in the best way.

Remember! If we do not know about a problem, we cannot help you. Please talk to someone within Cultural Care Au Pair if you have questions or problems. We want you to have a great time and a successful au pair stay, please tell us about the challenges you face!

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Time to go home Before you return What you have learned

Your au pair stay is drawing to a close, and soon you will be returning home. The thought of going home probably brings mixed feelings; you are sad to leave, but happy to go home. You have probably changed during your time away, and you maybe wonder how people will react when you return. It is important at this time to put your experience into perspective.

Look at the goals you listed on page 14. Have you achieved them? What did you learn? _______________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What was the most difficult part of your experience? How did you handle it? What did you learn from it?_______________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What else have you learned about yourself, your host country and other people? _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 57

What rewards have you gained from this experience? _______________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Have you changed? If so, how? Has your view of your home country changed? In what way?________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Things to do before going home

With only a few short weeks left, you should begin preparations for leaving your host family to travel or return home. Check the lists for things you should do before you leave. Then enjoy your last days working as an au pair to the fullest.

• G et copies of your school records to take home with you, or arrange for them to be mailed.

• Give your contact details to everyone with whom you would like to keep in touch.

When flying home, your baggage allowance on the plane will be limited, and you have probably collected a lot of things in the USA! Send clothes, books and other souvenirs home by “freight mail.” Do not ask your host family or LCC to send your boxes, even if they offer to do so. It will involve extra time, work and expense for them—packing and shipping is your responsibility.

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• Settle your phone bill and other outstanding debts with your host family.

• Send in any insurance claims you might have to Chickering in the USA. • W rite thank you notes to your family, friends, LCC and anyone else who has been especially friendly or helpful to you. You may also want to write a letter to the editor of your local newspaper, thanking the community for your cultural exchange experience.

• Close your bank account.

Start making a list of things to do once you are home. Do your school transcripts need validation? Do you need to write for university applications? Keeping busy during your first days back home will help with the transition of being back in your home country.

• Take lots of pictures!

• Make sure your tickets and passport are ready to go!

Going home

What are you most looking forward to when you return home?_______________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ What are your biggest concerns about going home?________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ 59

What will you miss from the USA and what can you do to make it easier?_______ _______________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________ Spread the word and work for Cultural Care Au Pair!

Once you are home, you will be able to tell other young people about your Cultural Care Au Pair experience. If you would like some brochures and posters to distribute in your school or community, please contact the office in your home country. You can also work for Cultural Care Au Pair by talking about your experience at Screening & Orientaion meetings or interviewing future au pairs.

You can also give information meetings about being an au pair at your old school.

We will help you with any material you might want to do this. Or maybe contact your local newspaper telling them about your experience?

Readjusting after your return

Although going home is certainly exciting, many au pairs experience some difficulty in readjusting to life at home—a kind of reversed “culture shock”. Here are a few suggestions for making your transition back into your own culture as smooth as possible: • T ry talking about your experience a little bit at a time. You will have many exciting stories to tell people, but do not be surprised if people listen to just a few sentences and then change the subject. It may be difficult for them to relate to everything that has happened to you. Show pictures and souvenirs to make it easier for others to understand your adventures in the USA! 60

• I t is natural for people to grow in different directions. You may find that you and your former “best friend” now seem miles apart. Both of you have probably changed during the past months and you may need some time to get to know each other again. You may find that some of the interests you used to have in common are no longer there.

• Y ou may feel that life abroad was much more exciting. Do you remember your first months in America? Everything back home probably seemed so much better than in the USA. Many au pairs have the same reaction when they return home, only in reverse! After a few weeks back home, you may feel that everything is monotonous and boring, compared to life in the US. You will probably also feel a little homesick for your host family and friends in the USA! Try to keep busy and look for practical and positive ways to use your experiences.

Stay in touch with the Cultural Care office in your home country and with former au pairs. Find ways to practice the language you have learned—read magazines and books, and watch foreign language movies. If the language is taught at your school, offer to assist in a conversation class, or make a speech in class about your experience abroad.

Keep busy and go out of your way to meet people. Do not forget these golden rules for fitting into a host community—they can be very useful when you go home, too! Did you discover a new interest in your host country? Find out if there is a club or organization in your home area.

Use your exchange experience to influence those around you by helping others to 61

appreciate different cultures and people.

Notes

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