CMLA

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50 Chatty Kathy Television and comedy star Kathy Griffin earns an A+ On the cover: Photo courtesy of Bravo

20 A Changing Landscape Charting the bright green future of the compassionate (and legalization) movement.

24 A Parent’s Nightmare Jason David did what he had to do to treat his young son’s nearly untreatable form of epilepsy.

28 Southern Hospitality Author James Higdon’s Cornbread Mafia delves into the backstory of Kentucky Bluegrass.

30 Waiting to Exhale Brazilian artist Fernando de La Roque’s art is literally smokin‘ 34 Motor Heads Clutch never idles—it’s got riffs for the heavy metal faithful.

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38 When You Fish Upon a Star . . .

Chali 2Na reveals the aquatic nature of his musical and artistic destiny.

E6 PAG

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departments 12

Letter from the Editor I can’t wait to see what 2013 has in store.

News Nuggets

Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere—and we give you the scoop—PLUS our latest By the Numbers

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Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle—of a medical marijuana patient near you.

Healthy Living

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Exotic locales and colorful (literally) adventures can be had in Northwest India.

Profiles in Courage

48 Lanny Swerdlow shows how the holidays are perfect for the herb.

Cool Stuff

Here are the greenfriendly things we saw you doing around town.

LEGAL CORNER

How does legalization in Washington and Colorado affect California? Attorney Meital Manzuri explains.

Strain & Edible Reviews

Our ever-popular sampling of amazing strains and edibles currently provided by your friendly neighborhood dispensary.

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From the Carbon Black Wheelchair to CoolJarz Flipz storage containers, if it’s a cutting-edge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it.

Photo Gallery

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Destination Unknown

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Recipes

Get out your best china, it’s time to serve something extra special for the holidays.

Entertainment Reviews

The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture—plus Kevin Longrie’s best Liner Notes ever!

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letter from the editor

Vol 4 IssUE 6

Publisher

Jeremy Zachary

GET YOUR CLICK HERE

www.iReadCulture.com

Roberto C. Hernandez Editor-In-Chief

Editor-in-Chief

Roberto C. Hernandez

Managing Editor Lynn Lieu

Editorial Contributors

Dennis Argenzia, Ashley Bennett, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Stacy Davies, Alex Distefano, David Downs, Christopher Glew, James P. Gray, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Dan Macintosh, Meital Manzuri, Bruce Margolin, Jane Mast, Sandra Moriarty, Assia Mortesen, Damian Nassiri, Arrissia Owen, Paul Rogers, Jeff Schwartz, Lanny Swerdlow

Photographers

Steve Baker, Tony Catalan, Bettina Chavez, Kristopher Christensen, Michael Gifford, John Gilhooley, Fausto Gonzales, Roxanne Haynes, Amanda Holguin, Khai Le, Mark Malijan, PJ Russo, Michael Seto

Interns

The Future’s So Bright I had the pleasure of attending the National Marijuana Business Conference last month. I came away very inspired and very optimistic.

Inspired because I had the opportunity— no, the privilege—to speak to some of the medical cannabis industry’s luminaries. You might call them movers and shakers, but I simply call them part of the family.

I was inspired because I had a chance to (literally) shake the hands and see the faces of our community’s most talented professionals. I chatted with doctors whose knowledge of medical cannabis and its vast implications for health was truly impressive. I spoke with edibles manufacturers who were already prepared to meet tough FDA standards and advocating for best-business practices. I talked to chemists and scientists about the new frontiers in cannabidiol (CBD) research. I listened to consultants eager to share their views on the future of Massachusetts—our newest MMJ state—and Colorado and Washington, where voters approved state-level legalization.

I heard from lawyers talking about Arizona and what people were doing there to ready

this state’s baby steps into full-fledged compassionate mode.

I grew optimistic as I realized that I was facing a bright future for our community and our needs and issues.

For many of us, this past election was exciting in some respects, frustrating in others.

Had Mitt Romney captured the White House, we would have had four years of a President who swore he would fight medical cannabis “tooth and nail.” At least Obama paid it lip service to the idea of letting MMJ states handle their own business. The lesser of two evils, I guess.

With our compassionate family growing and with the good people of Colorado and Washington shifting the prohibition paradigm, we’re changing hearts and minds, folks.

Just as they did in the now-18 states that allow the medicinal use of cannabis, the voters of this country made change happen.

Massachusetts, glad to have you on board!

Colorado and Washington, thanks for advancing marijuana rights. Prohibition, you’re on your way out.

I can’t wait to see what 2013 has in store. c

Yensil Chung, Joe Martone, Derek Obregon, Jaime Solis

Art Director

Steven Myrdahl

Graphic Designers

Vidal Diaz, Tommy LaFleur

Director of Sales & Marketing Jim Saunders

Office Manager Iris Norsworthy

Office Assistant Chelsea Hults

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Account Executives

Joe Amador, Jon Bookatz, Gene Gorelik, John Parker, Dave Ruiz, Kim Slocum, April Tygart, Nick Villejo

IT Manager

Serg Muratov

Distribution Manager Cruz Bobadilla

Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 40,000 papers at over 1,000 locations throughout Southern California. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved.

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Councilwoman Linda Kidd, who wrote the ballot argument in favor of the Measure told the Daily Bulletin that the issue is less about endorsing medical cannabis and more about fixing a hole in the city. Currently, there is only one dispensary in Needles.

“We don’t have any ordinance on our books right now to issue them a business license that we would issue to any other business in the city,” Kidd said prior to the Jerry Brown tells feds to poll date. respect states’ rights, Seventy-nine percent of legalization votes were cast in support of the Gov. Jerry Brown called upon the federal government to change its measure, allowing Needles to tax up to 10 percent of dispensaries’ cannabis policy. gross receipts. The tax will be in In response to voters in addition to the current business Colorado and Washington approving state-level legalization, tax already imposed on business throughout the city. Measure S Brown, during CNN’s State of the Union said, “I believe the President also requires financial audits of existing dispensaries. and the Justice Department ought to respect the will of these Cannabis arrests plummet sovereign states . . . It shouldn’t in San Diego County try to nullify a reasonable state According to data released late regulation. The measures that last month, arrests in San Diego have gotten so far have gotten County reached a 10-year low there after vigorous debate last year with notable drops in . . . So, we are capable of selfcannabis-related arrests. government.”

From 2010 to 2011, This comes as one of the according to a report compiled governor’s strongest statements by the San Diego Association since the federal government’s of Governments, pot-related crackdown on medical cannabis arrests had decreased by 90 providers escalated last year. percent due to a change in state “We don’t need some federal gendarme to come and tell us what law that reduced the charge for possession. The law took effect to do,” Brown added. “I believe in on Jan. 1 and made possession comity toward the states, that is, a decent respect ought to govern the policy, and that means: change the policy now. There’s a logic to states’ rights.”

THE STATE

of up to 1 ounce of cannabis an infraction.

Overall there were 703 misdemeanor cannabis arrests last year a decrease from 6,786 in 2010, according to an article

by U-T San Diego. The paper also reported that the most common arrest for juveniles was curfew

THE NATION

violation.

sale, edibles manufacturing and testing facilities. Amendment 64 will give local governments the option of banning such cannabisrelated businesses. A similar legalization measure also passed in Washington.

Some observers have speculated whether Amendment 64 could usher in cannabis tourism. Immediately after Election Day, the headline in the Aspen Times asked, “Aspendam?”

Massachusetts becomes the 18th state to go compassionate

Colorado and Washington usher in state-level legalization

Welcome, Massachusetts! The Bay State last month became the 18th state in the country to pass a medical cannabis law.

Massachusetts’ law passed with 63 percent of the electorate in favor of Question 3, and 37 percent against it, according to The Boston Globe.

The new law will allow up

With the passage of Amendment 64, possession of cannabis for non-medical purposes in Colorado is legal, officially starting Dec. 6. The new law will allow adults 21 years or older to possess up to an ounce—or six plants.

The sale and taxation of cannabis will be regulated by the state, and starting Jan. 1, 2014, four different types of licenses will be made available to applicants: wholesale cultivation, retail

San Bernardino County town approves cannabis taxation

Last month, voters in Needles approved Measure S, allowing the city to tax medical cannabis dispensaries.

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to 35 dispensaries across the state. Starting next year, patients with serious medical conditions and an approval from a physician will be authorized to purchase medicinal cannabis from state-sanctioned centers. Patients with HIV, multiple sclerosis, hepatitis C or other conditions can obtain a card from the state permitting them to purchase the plant and will be allowed to possess a 60-day supply. They also may appoint a caregiver to obtain cannabis on their behalf.

THE WORLD Mexico lawmaker proposes legalized cannabis

Mexico, long seen by wrongheaded drug warriors as the root of all evil when it comes to narcotics trafficking, might have a few more progressive minds than its neighbor to the north. A leftist

lawmaker recently introduced a bill that would legalize the production, sale and use of cannabis, according to Reuters. While it’s unlikely that the bill would pass—polls show that two-thirds of Mexicans would oppose the move—it is significant to note the rising number of Latin American political leaders who have proposed legalizing cannabis and adopting a common-sense approach to drug policy.

“The prohibitionist paradigm is a complete failure,” said Mexican lawmaker Fernando Belaunzaran, the author of the proposed legalization bill.

by the numbers The number of votes cast against Measure S: 205 (Source: The Press-Enterprise).

The approximate population of Israel: 8 million (Source: The Associated Press)

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The number of states that have loosened their marijuana laws: 26 (Source: Los Angeles Times).

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The amount (in dollars) that Americans for Safe Access executive director Steph Sherer spent weekly in California on a cannabis tincture to treat her torticollis: 60 (Source: Washington Post).

Percentage of voters who cast their ballots in favor of Massachusetts’ medical marijuana law: 63 (Source: Reuters)

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The number of votes cast in support of Measure S, a ballot initiative in the San Bernardino County town of Needles that would impose a tax on dispensaries: 790 (Source: The Press-Enterprise).

The approximate number of registered medical marijuana patients in Israel: 10,000 (Source: The Associated Press).

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The number of nanograms of THC per milliliter that constitute driving under the influence of drugs in Ohio and Nevada: 2 (Source: Detroit Free Press)

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The amount (in dollars) that Americans for Safe Access executive director Steph Sherer spent weekly in Washington, D.C. to purchase marijuana off the street and make her own tincture: 300 (Source: Washington Post).

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Percentage of voters who cast their ballots against Massachusetts’ medical marijuana law: 37 (Source: Reuters)

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The maximum number of days the Massachusetts Department of Public Health has to issue dispensary regulations, registration cards for patients, etc., starting Jan. 1, 2013: 120 (Source: golocalworcester.com)

The number of nanograms of THC per milliliter that constitute driving under the influence of drugs in Washington, as dictated by Initiative 502: 5 (Source: Detroit Free Press)

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The amount of money (in millions) that a controversial excess electricity-use tax—aimed at large-scale indoor growers—in the town of Arcata could generate: 1.2 (Source: Times-Standard)

Dum Dum Girls in concert One of the most interesting noise pop bands to come out in years, L.A.’s Dum Dum Girls is a dreamy, lo-fi punk gaggle of gals to be reckoned with. Fronted by Dee Dee Penny, the Dums’ weaving of distortion, melody and classic punk beats into tapestries of melancholia have produced some of most finely-crafted, lyrically intelligent compositions of any recent rockers— mainstream or indie. Band members Jules, Sandy and Malia back up Penny’s soulcrushing creations with a verve and femme-fatale sex appeal that, while definitely eye-candy, in no way diminishes or detracts from their own accomplished artistry. While the gals have yet to headline any major venues (though a stellar set at Pappy and Harriet’s earlier this year set that desert dwelling on its ear), and are still relegated to opening up for more commerciallyviable acts, it’s a familiar road that visionary artists are destined to trod until the day the world awakens to their greatness.

(Stacy Davies)

IF YOU GO

What: Dum Dum Girls (opening for Bloc Party).

When/Where: Dec. 12 at the Observatory, 3503 S. Harbor Blvd., Santa Ana. Info: Tickets $35. Go to www.observatoryoc.com or call (714) 957-0600.

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FLASH

A Greener

Tomorrow Update: The Marijuana Policy Project dissects the next step for MMJ and legalization victories in 2014 and beyond {By Jasen T. Davis}

Last month, Colorado and Washington made history when voters showed their support for this country’s first two examples of state-level legalization of cannabis for adults 21 and over. More than 50 percent of each state’s populations went to the polls to cast their ballot in support of a common-sense approach to the plant.

However, as much as Amendment 64 and Initiative 502 stand poised to reshape the way our country’s leaders shape cannabis policy, the plant remains illegal at the federal level.

What does this all mean for the future of the MMJ movement?

Rob Kampia, executive director and co-founder of the Washington D.C.based, Marijuana Policy Project, spoke with CULTURE about these recent positive developments and what we can look forward to in the coming years.

So, how were Washington and Colorado able to pass legalization measures?

Kampia believes the laws got changed because the alternatives had failed. “The voters felt that cannabis prohibition has not worked,” he says. Advocates of cannabis legalization did their best to show voters there were other cheaper and safer options.

“Our Washington campaign

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The Ultimate

Bill

was called ‘A New Approach,’” Kampia adds. Other states could soon end up following in Colorado and Washington’s legalization footsteps, he says. Plus, with Massachusetts being the latest state to approve medical cannabis laws, the compassionate family is expected to grow.

“The MPP and other organizations are going to try to pass similar medical marijuana initiatives in Idaho in 2014,” Kampia says. “California is also at the top of the [legalization] list in 2016 along with Oregon, Maine and Massachusetts.”

Will these initiatives succeed?

It’s a matter of financing, he says.

“It really depends on how much money the four campaigns have to throw around,” Kampia explains.

Two other bills rolling around Congress could also change the way the laws treat cannabis. One bill, the States’ Medical Marijuana Patient Protection Act (HR 1983) is simple. “That law would allow states to determine their own medical marijuana policies without federal interference,” Kampia says. At that point, the DEA and the FBI would be kicked out of the process to let growers, dispensary operators and distributors operate in peace.

Though it would be rendered moot if HR 1983 passes, another proposed bill, States’ Medical Marijuana Property Right Protection Act (HR 6335), would prevent the DEA and Department of Justice from seizing property when they raid medical cannabis dispensaries and facilities.

“HR 1983 sounds promising, but it’s going to be a while,” Kampia says. “There’s a lot of support for it in the House, but it hasn’t been heard in a committee so there has been no vote for it.”

To Kampia, the real problem is that elected officials have always been slow to adapt to the changing needs and beliefs of the people they govern (just check out Obama’s “evolving” stance on same-sex marriage). “Politicians are always behind when it comes to social issues,” he says. “They also tend to be more conservative, because they are older and nervous about casting votes for controversial bills in public.”

Until HR 2306 becomes law, the real key is to get more congressional support by legalizing cannabis (medical or adult-use) in more states.

“It’s only a matter of time.” c

While some would argue there’s no silver bullet to ending cannabis prohibition with one decisive blow . . . there is one bill that seeks to do just that. It’s called the Ending Federal Marijuana Prohibition Act (HR 2306), but it’s not up for vote until 2016. Is that a reason to hope?

Marijuana Policy Project executive director and co-founder Matt Kampia says that the outlook should be positive.

“HR 2306 would just treat cannabis like alcohol throughout the country,” he explains.

“It’s the ultimate bill . . .

If that bill passes, states would just decriminalize everything and our work would be essentially over.”

www.mpp.org

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BUZZ

“Seeing your son in an ambulance— it just kills you.”

—Jason David

Medical CANNABIS is more thAn just “alternative medicine” for an epilepsy sufferer and his dad in Modesto {By David Downs | Photos by David Elliot Lewis}

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“Please, please I need a lot of strong prayers for Jayden. He is having really bad withdrawals from the Depakote the last three days and today is the worst . . . I hate doing this alone it gets so overwhelming I’m really wearing out.”

The Facebook page called Jason and Jayden’s Journey shows a cute boy with a smile on his face nuzzling his big dad at Sea World, but the updates are heartwrenching. The author is Jason David—a 35-year-old, single father in Modesto, living a parent’s nightmare. His 6-year-old son, Jayden, has a rare form of nearly untreatable epilepsy.

When conventional drugs pushed Jayden to the brink of death, doctors pointed David toward medical cannabis, where he found something of a cure and became a global cause célèbre. But Jason and Jayden’s Journey also reveals a brutal reality: All around the globe, a proven, ancient treatment for epilepsy and other intractable illnesses is being denied to patients who need it; most brutally among them, kids.

Numerous studies show some ingredients in cannabis are “highly anti-convulsant,” non-toxic and won’t get you stoned, yet the U.S. government classifies them as dangerous narcotics with no medical use. Though 18 states permit the use of medical cannabis, federal law does not, and the feds are waging a multi-front war on pot that punishes the most vulnerable.

“We act like there’s freedom in America. It’s fake,” David states.

“You know what, in California, we voted for medical marijuana. Now it’s getting taken away from us.”

OUT OF OPTIONS

The arc of Jason and Jayden’s Journey is a positive one, partly because of how bad things started out. David and his then-wife had Jayden in 2006. At 4-and-a-half months old, Jayden had his first grand mal seizure—horrifying, life-threatening spasms that only increased in ferocity.

At 1-and-a-half years old, doctors diagnosed, the cute, blue-

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eyed kid with Dravet Syndrome, a rare, catastrophic form of epilepsy.

About 1 percent of Earth’s population has epilepsy—characterized by overactive electrical activity in the brain. There’s no known cure.

Jayden’s druggings started.

Topamax. Depakote. Phenobarbital. Stiripentol. Powerful anti-psychotics and sedatives were called upon to calm the infant, but the drugs came with their own side effects. The toddler became doped up, lethargic, developmentally stalled and terrified. By age 4-and-a-half, Jayden was up to 22 pills per day, and had racked up 45 ambulance visits in the previous 12 months. The kid was dying. David’s marriage fell apart, and he became suicidal.

“Seeing your son in an ambu-

lance—it just kills you,” David said.

A Christian looking for a sign from God, he noted a TV item about a teenager expelled from high school for using pot to treat her epilepsy. He started researching online, learning about the plant’s rich medical history and consulted his doctors at UCSF who told him, “If I were you, I’d try anything.”

On June 4, 2011, Jayden received a few droppers full of tincture of medical cannabis extract from Harborside Health Center in Oakland, and had his first seizurefree day since he was an infant.

In the following 18 months, Jayden hasn’t been in an ambulance once.

CBD

Records of topical ointments of cannabis used to treat epilepsy date back to biblical days, writes historian Chris Bennett in The Pot Book.

Ancient Chinese and Ayurvedic traditions also buttress cannabis’ case against epilepsy. In modern times, evidence also abounds.

Pot’s main active ingredient delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol, THC, is “overwhelmingly anticonvulsant” in animals, researchers have found. Pot’s second most common active molecule,

cannabidiol, or CBD, was shown to calm epilepsy in a small human trial in the ’70s.

While the feds classify CBD as a Schedule I narcotic and block human trials, they also patented CBD in 2003 as a “neuroprotectant” during strokes, noting that high doses of CBD pose no risk of toxicity. Other non-toxic molecules in pot have also been found to be anti-convulsant including: CBN, the terpene linalool, THCV and CBDV.

In 2010, GW Pharmaceuticals found that CBDV “strongly suppressed seizures” without the side effects of conventional drugs, and hopes to conduct human trials in 2013.

SAFE ACCESS

In the 18 months since Jayden started receiving a tincture of THC and CBD in a ratio of 1:19, his life has turned around. David has to obtain his own supplies of CBD-rich cannabis from growers, deliver it to a tincture manufacturer in the East Bay and get it tested at a cannabis lab before giving it to his son. The droplets don’t get him high. They control his seizures, allowing David to wean his son off the mind-altering anti-psychotic prescriptions. Jayden is down from 22 pills per day to two.

The withdrawal from Depakote has been the worst, Jason says.

After each pharmaceutical withdrawal, Jayden grows stronger and more present. In the last year, educators have tripled his speech therapy classes. He’s out of a wheelchair and playing on the playground.

All the while, the year-long federal crackdown in California—and other compassionate states—continues. Dispensaries are closing. Growers are getting busted. David’s self-made supply chain is fraught with uncertainty, but he remains optimistic.

For once, the holidays are filled with possibilities, like a Yo Gabba Gabba concert in Oakland.

And very soon, Jayden’s first sentences.

“I just want to hear him say, ‘I love you, Dad.’ I’m ready for that.” c www.facebook.com/ jasonandjaydensjourney

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BUZZ

A Legend is Corn Kentucky’s CANNABIS smuggling underworld ends up going bust in The Cornbread Mafia {By Terri Schlichenmeyer} asked to help, although they soon noticed that industrial hemp made them feel “a little funny.”

Thirty-five years after hemp arrived legally in Marion County, one Johnny Boone made a decision.

He’d learned farming and botany from his tobacco-growing grandfather, but tobacco farming wasn’t lucrative. Cannabis was. Boone set out to breed the best sinsemilla Kentucky ever grew.

By 1980, West Coast pot smokers knew that Kentucky Bluegrass was good stuff.

Officials knew it, too, and they began using helicopters to find illegal crops. Undaunted, Johnny Boone moved his operation to Be-

Say What?

Nobody likes a snitch.

Nobody wants to hear the words “I’m telling!” because it ruins a good time. It halts the fun. It quashes camaraderie. Okay, yeah, you squealed on your siblings a time or two, but that’s different.

Among friends, nobody likes a tattle-tale.

But what if the lack of informing meant serious punishment— like jail? In the book The Cornbread Mafia by James Higdon, you’ll read about an unbelievable code of silence and one gigantic stash.

Marion County, Kentucky, had long been a live-and-let-live kind of place.

When prohibition came to the county in 1920, it forced moonshiners to go “underground” with their product, especially since its proximity to “thirsty northern cities” gave its citizens a way to feed their families. Moonshine was illegal, but sheriffs and residents generally looked the other way.

Until the beginning of World War II, tobacco was Marion County’s biggest crop but that changed when the U.S. government needed hemp for the war effort. County farmers were given seeds and

“I think of all the moodaltering substances that we partake in legally all day long, [cannabis] is far less offensive.”

—Ani DiFranco

lize, and shipped his marijuana to pipelines in Kentucky. He was caught and sent to prison, got out in 1984, and returned to find that cocaine had taken over as the drug of choice. Marion County wasn’t the same, but Boone wasn’t worried.

He quickly found a new place to grow pot.

On October 23, 1987, five armed policemen sprang from a truck at the Minnesota farm where Boone had set up business. When the bust was over, 62 dump trucks full of cannabis—over 42,000 pounds—had been confiscated. Of the 70 people ultimately arrested, not one would testify against the others . . .

Though I really wanted to like it, I struggled a lot with The Cornbread Mafia.

Author James Higdon included too many esoteric details, more county history than I cared to have, and way too many names to follow in the earliest part of his book. For several chapters, I had to make my-

self continue reading. It wasn’t fun.

By Part 2, though, things were more interesting, perhaps because the content was more current.

Higdon keeps the name-count low in the second half, and he brings readers up-to-date on events after the big bust—including his own near-miss with the law.

Overall, this isn’t a book for everybody. I think, in fact, that its best audience lives in Kentucky or, perhaps, smokes cannabis. If you fit in those categories, then, go ahead and read. For you, The Cornbread Mafia may be a book you’ll tell everybody about. c The Cornbread Mafia: A Homegrown Syndicate’s Code of Silence and the Biggest Marijuana Bust in American History by James Higdon, Lyons Press, 375 pages.

List price $24.95.

Defense! Defense!

Apparently, author James Higdon’s had to get close to “Cornbread Mafia” ringleader Johnny Boone in order to get the scoop . . . so close that the writer ended up attracting the attention of federal marshals who were looking for Boone. Higdon was the first journalist to be subpoenaed under the Obama administration, and the writer eventually set up a Higdon Defense Fund to pay for his legal expenses incurred by Higdon, who declined to answer some questions about Boone, citing First Amendment privilege.

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BUZZ

End Game

Photos by Patricia Kalil

Fernando de La Roque isn’t the first artist to use cannabis for artistic purposes.

Pittsburgh tattoo artist Cliff Maynard opts for a similar style—using the ends of mostly-smoked joints (some call them “roaches).

He’s made images of Jimi Hendrix, Jerry Garcia, John Lennon, Jack Herer and Snoop Dogg (I’m detecting a cannabis-friendly pattern here, hmmmmm . . .). Sort of re-defines the meaning of the term “art supplies.”

The Blow By Blow Brazilian artist Fernando de La Roque uses smoke as his medium {By Jasen T. Davis} Fernando de La Rocque is a controversial visual artist who makes illustrations by painting with cannabis smoke. “I blow marijuana smoke though a stencil onto very highquality paper,” he says. The particles are absorbed by the paper, resulting in deceptively simple-looking, golden-hued designs that are as controversial as they are beautiful.

Born in Rio de Janeiro, where he lives and works today, de La Rocque has used his innovative technique to create art that draws attention to the status of cannabis in his country, where the plant is still outlawed by the government.

“Honest people are being seen and treated as criminals by the society because marijuana is against the law,” he says.

The artist is pleased that his work is helping the cannabis legalization movement in Brazil.

“Marijuana users are put in the same [category] as criminals, but for the most part people who use it are family people . . . productive, good people, good professionals that pay for their own grass with the money [from] their work,” de La Rocque says.

His artistic explorations began when he was young. “Since I was a kid I used to play more with materials than with toys,” he says. When he was 15, the artist found a Mad magazine interactive puzzle that required readers to blow tobacco smoke onto the paper to test their lungs. The young de la Roque tried it, and noticed that the results had

potential as the paper changed colors with each puff. “I adapted the technique using a joint,” he says.

The artist eventually graduated with a degree in sculpture from the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro, where he also works as a teacher. He is currently represented by the Artur Fidalgo gallery in Copacabana, where many of his smoke paintings have sold for the equivalent of thousands of American dollars. Each painting takes several hours to finish and requires as many as five joints’ worth of smoke to complete.

Rocque’s latest art exhibition is called “Blow Job – Work of Blowing,” currently on display at the La Cucaracha gallery in Rio. “The name plays with provocative words to call attention to the technique I created,” he says. The illustrations are all of religious and political icons, including one of Arnold Schwarzenegger, who smoked plenty of cannabis

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throughout his athletic career, and another of Pope Benedict XVI, who declared that cannabis smoking was a sin.

This combination makes each illustration a study in controversy.

The act of risking arrest each time— using an illegal substance to create art—underlines the sentiments de La Rocque expresses through his work. While cannabis is still illegal in Brazil, activists are currently working to reform the system. “There are many people from different areas gathering forces to try legalization in Brazil, following the examples of Amsterdam, California and now our South American neighbor, Uruguay,” he says.

De La Rocque’s exhibit has gathered attention the world over thanks to the medium he uses and the message he’s made.

“I have had so many positive feedback, more than I imagined, and I’ve sold almost all the pieces I’ve made for the exhibition,” he says.

Considering the serious risk he takes each time he creates, his art is certainly worth the reward he’s receiving. c

fernandodelarocque. blogspot.com V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m

Capitao Maximiliano O Presenca, Photo by Patrícia Kalil

Não Consigo Parar de Pensar na Velhinha que Restaurou Jesus, photo by Patrícia Kalil

Ars est celare artem, concept by Fernando de la Roque and Patricia Kalil

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TUNES

League of

Extraordinary Gentlemen Nearly a quarter-century into it, Clutch’s motor keeps on humming

{By Jasen T. Davis} “Too many bands want to sign on to a big label before they go on tour,” he explains. “They don’t want to go out on the road without a major label to sponsor them.” Clutch spent years playing anywhere it could. “You have to play a lot of live shows to build up a good fan base.”

Currently on tour, Clutch has the opportunity to show off a few of the new songs from its latest album, Earth Rocker. The new release is slated to drop on March 13, 2013.

“It was a long time coming,.”

Sult reveals. “We spent a lot of hours working in the studio, so I’m glad we’re done.”

Good thing, too, because the axe-man admits he prefers playing on the road to being locked up inside a studio. The hard labor paid off, though. “The recording is perfect,” Sult says. “It just sounds like a very sharp production.”

As far as the guitarist is concerned, Earth Rocker is the best, heaviest collection of rock and metal compositions the band has ever created. “Honestly, it feels like a cross between our first LP and the Robot Hive/Exodus album

[from 2005].”

Fans can also expect a less vintage-y sound from the new release.

“Our old albums can sound more like classic rock, but this certainly sounds like an album from the ’90s and 2000s,” Sult says.

The hard-edged band even included an acoustic track on Earth Rocker—hold the “Kumbaya” jokes, please.

“We decided to take a chance with this one,” Sult says. “Some-

Say What?

Clutch released its first album, Transnational Speedway League, in 1993. Since then, the band has made many albums full of hard rock, heavy metal, blues, funk and punk, and toured the world playing honest, highoctane music when the group isn’t hanging out back at home in Germantown, Maryland. After so many years—and with so many other genres (electronica, hip-hop, et. al.) to compete with— why do fans all across the globe continue to demand rock ’n‘ roll?

Tim Sult, Clutch’s lead guitarist since Day one, has an answer.

“I think it’s because rock is a form of music that people enjoy seeing performed live,” he says.

After roughly 23 years playing in front of audiences with Clutch, Sult should know. “For rock bands it’s very important to put on a good live performance, but I think it’s also a necessary trait for any group, whether they play EBM or hip-hop.”

A band can make a lot of mistakes over the course of a career, but to Sult the worst error is simply quitting.

times a heavy metal band will write an acoustic song. It either works or it doesn’t.”

And with the band slated to perform in Colorado—an MMJ state that just legalized cannabis for adults 21 and over—Sult shared his compassionate views.

“I’m totally fine with medical marijuana,” he says. “There seems to be plenty of evidence of its medicinal properties.” c www.pro-rock.com

“Mr. President, I hope you don’t think I am out of line, but marijuana is something that real people care about.”

—Jimmy Kimmel

Still Rockin‘

The last album Clutch released, 2009’s Strange Cousins from the West, didn’t do to shabby considering it wasn’t produced by Kanye or written by Lady Gaga. It debuted at a not-too-shabby No. 38 on the Billboard 200. But why the four-year wait between albums? “We all felt like it had been too long,” Clutch guitarist Tim Sult says. “We had spent a lot of time compiling ideas for songs without recording any . . . Our motivation was to write the best record we possibly could. The ploy worded as “the songs came out heavier and faster than anything we’ve done before,” he says. Fans of Clutch, rest assured the band hasn’t gotten soft with age.

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TUNES

Keepin‘

Current Chali 2na applies discipline to create HIS lyrics and paintings {By Derek Obregon}

Chali 2na is an underground renaissance man whose baritone voice and rapid-fire mic technique is evident from the very first verse. Born Charles Stewart, you may recognize his stage name from groups he’s worked with before—Jurassic 5 and Ozomatli—but his latest solo work, Against the Current, is a five-part installment of genrebending EPs that incorporate elements of the music that influenced him the most. “[The EP] will be a mixture of everything to come so you’ll get a little hip-hop, that Caribbean aspect, electronic and so forth,” Stewart says.

Because people consume music in such a different way than when he started out in the ’90s, you almost have to do something different to stay relevant. “[Against the Current] is a double entendre for sure, how to go against what’s actually out there. The current,” he explains.

“Everything is really dumbeddown and simplistic, and that’s not a bad thing, but that’s not the era that I’ve come from.”

Stewart says he wants to stay true to traditional hip-hop that fostered his growth as an artist.

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Just like his other solo works and side projects, the fish metaphor is a key element to him as an artist. But to understand the name, we need to go back in time.

“My father came up with this [Chali 2na] name when I was, like, 5 years old,” he says. “I was named [Charles Stewart] after my dad and his nickname was Pee-Wee. He didn’t want to call me little Pee-Wee or something . . . He was watching TV and a commercial with the

StarKist Tuna came on the tube. A deep-voiced blue tuna said, ‘Tell ’em Charlie sent ya,’ and it just stuck.”

Chali 2na was born, and that nickname has influenced the rest of his life.

“I actually got into the genre and culture and way of life of hip-hop through graffiti and not the musical aspect of it,” he says.

“The discipline that I learned from being an artist—the patience, the detail, the attention to detail,

Emerald City

In 2003, Tim Blake of Laytonville and a friend formed an ingenious plan to showcase and decide the best bud grown in Northern Cali.

At the time, Mendocino and Humboldt were getting more and more attention for the quality organic cannabis they cultivated outdoors, deep in the mountainous regions. Nine years later, The Emerald Cup is still held each December featuring more than 150 strains, concentrates and a photo competition. Among the Cup awards is the Person of the Year, awarded to dedicated activists in recognition of their efforts to end cannabis prohibition. This year’s Cup on Dec. 15 in NorCal will feature the musical talents of House of Vibe (featuring Chali 2na) and the House of Vibe All Stars, as well as attorneys, activists and industry leaders slated to discuss about the movement’s latest happenings in this vigorous, post-election season. The first prize for Best Medicinal Cannabis will be an allexpenses-paid, seven-day trip to Jamaica. Ya, mon!

things of that nature—I attribute all of that to trying to be the best visual artist that I can be.”

Nowadays, he’s still using what he learned in those early years of life to create paintings and lyrics.

But Stewart still logs in plenty of time spittin‘ in front of live audiences—and paying respects to cannabis. This month, the rapper will be bringing his trademark style to The Emerald Cup in NorCal, “the world’s only outdoor organic cannabis competition.”

“Whatever makes people get over their ailments from a holistic and natural perspective, cannabis is a plant and I’m for that aspect as long as it’s not abused.” Stewart says, who counts California Kush and the “good grape stuff” as his personal favorites.

He also has a more personal reason to support MMJ. “My father just died of lung cancer and couldn’t eat for a while,” he reveals. ”It helped him eat for a minute, and for these types of things, I’m all for it . . . It’s not like some of these new drugs.

With cannabis you know what time it is, the side effects: you’ll be hungry as a motherf*@ker, you gonna laugh and want to go to sleep.” c

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Rec in Effect

So, the recreational use of cannabis by adults 21 years and over is now legal in your state. Great! Here are some of the things you might want to keep in mind . . . and a few dos and don’ts:

Your local dispensary is probably getting flooded with calls from eager non-patients asking if they can purchase cannabis there. They can’t . . . but the calls keep coming anyways.

Afraid there will be a line of recreational users in front of you next time you visit your access point? Not going to happen. Dispensaries are for patients only.

Recreational user: You need to wait a bit. Your state officials will be spending weeks, months—maybe even a year—fully implementing all the provisions of your legalization law. Be patient.

All good things come to those—you know the rest.

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Illustrations by Vidal Diaz

There’s always the chance non-patients might approach you and ask you to purchase flowers for them. Politely decline . . . otherwise you’re asking for trouble.

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destination unknown

Story and photos

by Dennis Argenzia and grace Cayosa

Color and Chaos Rejoice in the pigment-themed cities of Rajasthan and their exotic stimulants Director: I need an exotic location—think forts, temples, palaces with hidden women, the occasional painted elephant, etc.— that’s popular in visually stimulating films with mixed reviews.

Location Scout: Yep, got it: Northwest India.

When India isn’t stripping down to Eastern European glory in Goa, ripping hamstrings in yoga-saturated Mysore or shaking its thing in Bollywood, it’s starring in foreign films.

Outside of the mega-soundstage called Mumbai, the most popular locations are in the northwestern state of Rajasthan, where wistfully romantic filmmakers can choose a colorful and chaotic backdrop from one of the state’s pigment-themed cities: the Pink City (Jaipur), the Blue City (Jodhpur) and the White City (Udaipur).

Jaipur is the capital of Rajasthan and the largest city in the entire state.

Nicknamed the “Pink City” for its salmoncolored walls, Jaipur is famous for its textile and gem bazaars. More intriguing to location scouts are Jaipur’s various architectural sights: two palaces (Jal Mahal, anchored in the middle of Man Sagar lake, and City Palace, near city center); one palace attachment (the Hawa Mahal, a five-story screened structure where the lovely-butsequestered royal ladies could view “regular” city life without catcalls); three fortresses (of which the Amber/Amer fort, with its painted pachyderm transports, is hands-down the most impressive); temples (including a cheeky Monkey Temple); and the Jantar Mantar observatory (a UNESCO World Heritage site).

The entire city has been featured in films, most recently in John Madden’s The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel where a group of mature British folks attempt to make

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the best out of a situation clearly born from the “health and medical tourism” movement. Much less recently, but more breathtaking, were the scenes in Tarsem Singh’s The Fall, especially one where a distraught wife takes a perfect 10 leap off one of the Jantar Mantar’s giant sundial observation decks.

Also featured in The Fall was the second, decidedly more recognizable city of Jodhpur, or the “Blue City,” a name derived from the bright blue paint on many of its structures. In addition to a bustling handicrafts market and restaurants selling the local dessert makhaniya lassi (a delectably creamy lemon lassi that requires a spoon and self-control), Jodhpur is home to the magnificent Mehrangarh Fort, the largest fortress in the state and the most deserving of the word “awesome” without the Valley Girl accent.

So impressive is Mehrangarh that it was featured in Christopher Nolan’s Batman: The Dark Knight Rises as a warning:

if you dare to piss off a man who wears a metal tarantula on his face, you will end up HERE. This massive hilltop fort literally towers over the city. It houses several [party] halls—the Moti (Pearl), Sheesha (Mirror) and Phool (Flower) Mahals—plus a hide-your-women zone (the Zenana Deodi, guarded by trusty eunuchs), a museum and opium paraphernalia displays with staff members smoking, yes, real opium.

Here would be a good place to mention that, in addition to opium, green is also available all over Rajasthan. Technically, the leaves of the marijuana plant are legal in the state of Rajasthan; there are even licensed shops that sell bhang lassi, the medicated form of India’s yogurtbased drink. Discretion is still advised, as the potent flowers are illegal. Also, just like in the rest of India, locals don’t usually smoke marijuana straight: it is normally mixed with tobacco. Lastly, hookah (water pipe) shops are aplenty in this region, but travelers debate the merits of mixing marijuana with shisha.

We end our cinema color tour in Udaipur, the “White City” or more aptly, the “City of Lakes.” As indicated in the name, Udaipur sits atop what can only be called giant puddles: outside of monsoon season, Udaipur’s three lakes—Lake Pichola, Fateh Sagar Lake and Swaroop Sagar Lake—are muddy beds. Once the rains hit, however, Udaipur is transformed into a waterside city, awash in twinkle lights, white paint and romance, giving it its third moniker, “Venice of the East.”

It is in Udaipur that James Bond (Roger, not Sean) was held captive in the hilltop Monsoon Palace, and it is where, inside the heritage Lake Palace Hotel on Lake Pichola, Bond meets the woman for whom the film is named, and whose name can now be seen on every one of the city’s “special movie night” posters: Octopussy. c

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profiles in courage Patient:

Stephanie Annis

AGE: 34

Condition/ Illness: Crohn’s Disease

Using medical cannabis since: 2008

Photo by Lance Farrell

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Are you an MMJ patient from SoCal with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to courage@ireadculture.com.

WHY DID YOU START USING MEDICAL cannabis?

In November 2008, I returned home from a 45-day stay in the hospital, weighing only 98 pounds. With the first joint, I started to eat again; I had struggled to eat while in the hospital, without medicine to help.

DID YOU TRY OTHER METHODS OR TREATMENTS BEFORE cannabis?

Yes, I was fed through an IV at one point and at another point was prescribed Marinol [a synthetic marijuana compound]. The IV feeding caused me to gain too much weight and had side effects. The Marinol had the side effect of making me feel as if I had a pit in the bottom of my stomach, and I would actually overeat which created a different type of problem. Marinol was far too strong for me in its lowest dose. Neither of these medical options worked as well as medicalgrade cannabis.

WHAT’S THE MOST IMPORTANT ISSUE OR PROBLEM FACING MEDICAL cannabis PATIENTS? Finding medicine which is safe and pure and finding a caregiver who knows how to truly produce quality medicine . . . Quality medicine which is free from these harmful substances can only be found in dispensaries which test medicine.

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO FOLKS WHO ARE SKEPTICAL ABOUT cannabis AS MEDICINE? Until I [saw] it myself in my own life, I, too, was a skeptic . . . Seeing [cannabis] work in my life changed [my mother’s] lifelong held beliefs. c

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By Meital Manzuri

The End of Prohibition in

Two States!

Say What?

legal corner

“I think medical marijuana is not at all harmful if it is used for the right purpose.”

—Deepak Chopra

How Will This Affect California and the Rest of the Country?

By now, we have all celebrated the victories of legalization in Colorado and in Washington, but what do those victories mean for Californians and the rest of America?

Is this the beginning of a state-by-state trend to end prohibition?

Yes, that is how federal prohibition of alcohol ended and we are headed the same way. Today, polls show nationwide support for cannabis legalization, voters in two states have passed legalization measures, 18 states have MMJ laws on the books and a partridge in a pear tree! With all this, expect to see more states jumping on board! Experts also say that we expect to see more public support from members of Congress and other elected officials. These oncecloseted MMJ-supporting politicians are starting to realize that there’s political opportunity in getting in front of this issue.

Why were Colorado and Washington successful, and how we can learn from them?

1. Better timing and a better political climate. I could bore you to death with legal jargon, but the bottom line is Colorado created medical cannabis laws that were written more practically and, because of this, it had an existing MMJ environment in which voters trusted and sup-

ported cannabis policies. This was not the case in California where MMJ laws continue to leave voters feeling deceived.

2. Colorado allows for the taxation of legalized marijuana to give back to the community financially. The new law dedicates the first $40 million in annual tax revenue to the public school capital construction assistance fund.

In this economy, that is a no-brainer!

Where things stand in California.

Sorry, my fellow justice fighters, California is no longer the pack leader in marijuana policy. We can do one of two things in this situation: 1. Be disappointed by our failure and continue to take a backseat approach to these issues or 2. Take the opportunity to learn from Washington and Colorado and use the next two years to create policies that best fit our state and needs.

In the mean time, dispensaries can be compared to modern day speakeasies because they are illegal according to federal prosecutors in California who say nothing has changed as far as they are concerned.

The Million-Dollar Question: How will the federal government react?

The overall silence from the Obama administration indicates

an understanding of the dynamics surrounding this issue. The President has an opportunity to make good on his previous promises to let states set their own cannabis policies without federal interference.

Though it will likely leave individual users alone, we may see the federal government flex its muscles (and undermine the will of the majority of voters by doing so), once Washington and Colorado seek to implement a statewide regulatory framework for commercial production and sale of cannabis.

In Colorado, the feds have, by and large, left dispensaries alone. That may mean that they will do the same when it comes to the distribution of recreational marijuana. The more aggressive approach in California, though, keeps us all guessing on whether the feds will circumvent the will of the people or not.

Finally it is time for elected officials to respect the voice of the voters. The majority of Americans now agree that regulation allowing for the limited, licensed production and sale of cannabis to adults best reduces the risks associated with its use or abuse.

This is a far superior policy than that of criminalization and blanket prohibition. c

Attorney Meital Manzuri is a medical marijuana expert, collective consultant and experienced criminal defense attorney. Those with questions about starting a collective or interested in scheduling a free consultation can call (310) 601-3140 or go to manzurilaw.com.

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strain & edible reviews GET YOUR CLICK HERE

www.iReadCulture.com

Chem D We’re going to go out on a limb and assume Chem D is related genetically to Chemdawg, but like just about every strain with “Chem” in the name, its origins are shrouded in mystery. It’s different in appearance to classic Chemdawg. The buds are gorgeous—curved and frosted green, with fat, spiky nugs like individually packaged goodness. But what we know for sure is Chem D, from Southern California Patients Association in Garden Grove, is beyond a doubt the skunkiest sativa we’ve tried in years. If you’re one of those unfortunate patients who needs to keep your medicating under wraps, then you’re going to want to keep your Chem D bottle in a plastic baggie (maybe double-bag it?) and enjoy it outdoors, downwind from the neighbors. Sour Diesel is rose-scented potpourri compared to this baby. Chem D is also the stoniest medicine to come around in a great while, providing a steamroller of a cerebral high that keeps you energized for hours. The buzz is extraordinarily smooth, to the point that even those who avoid sativas because of their reputation for stress will find this strain’s high delightful. But don’t be fooled: For all its smoothness, Chem D packs a powerful stone, reportedly weighing in at 29.8-percent THC. That, combined with its heady, silky-smooth buzz, makes it a great choice for patients with anxiety disorders, chronic migraines, nausea and glaucoma.

Spot Drops People love gummy candies in all forms and permutations: worms, bears, Swedish fish, SpongeBob SquarePants Crabby Patties—you get the point. But the Spot Drops available at The Spot in Riverside and Rancho Mirage are truly something special. Sure, they may not look like rainbow-colored teddy bears, but that’s because the secret is inside: each drop comes packed with 3/4-gram of hash, and that’s great news for patients since extremely potent edibles such as these are just the thing to snuff out deeply-rooted muscle pain and stiffness. These are sweet and tangy, but you can definitely pick up on that mild, prickly spiciness that’s so characteristic of hashinfused products. Also, these drops are easy to chew and dissolve quickly—older patients and seniors, take note. For those with hunger issues due to AIDS and cancer, Spot Drops are top-notch at stimulating the appetite—but beware: these deliver gargantuan-caliber body effects, so don’t eat the entire thing. Technically, each Drop is 10 doses. Start slowly to calibrate the needed dose and take it slow.

Medicate wisely, my friends.

Big Mama OG If you’ve ever tangled with a big mama—and you’d remember it if you have— then you know big mamas are not to be taken lightly. Big mamas demand your attention. Big mamas will get your respect. This particular Big Mama, which as you’d expect is the top-shelf special at Big Mama’s Collective in Reseda, is no exception. It’s a fine, fine example of pure, unadulterated indica, with a jumpstart and take-down high that will change your world. Put another way: If Big Mama OG were a person, it would be more man than you can stand and more woman than you’ll ever know. Like the name suggests, Big Mama buds are big, round and bodacious. It’s got an equally bodacious and nose-wrinkling bouquet, but we won’t go any further with that. The taste hints at ripe fruit mixed with tobacco—we sampled and were reminded of those cherry cigarillos Big Granddaddy liked. That one little toke was enough to throw this reviewer to the mat like a skinny man in a wrestling ring—two tokes, and he was ready for a Martin Lawrence movie marathon. We’re just saying. We’re also just saying Big Mama OG is the perfect pain remedy for patients with migraines, insomnia, cancer and chronic pain.

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F-Bomb The “F” in F-Bomb stands for fluffy—it’s a remarkably light variety for a supercharged indica, with fluffy nugs tinged golden throughout as if toasted for flavor. OK, the “F” doesn’t stand for fluffy, but everything else is true. It’s indeed light—the buds are loosely packed and expertly cured—and, no joke, it’s one supercharged indica. Most indicas provide a full-body high.

F-Bomb’s stone is a full-body melt—brains liquefy and bones turn to jelly.

We’d like to see this gem of a variety everywhere, but right now you’ll have to pick it up at DTPC in Riverside, where it’s the exclusive house strain.

F-Bomb’s fluffy buds translate to clean and relatively cool hits, making it a good medicine for patients with respiratory issues. The aroma is pure piney skunk, with a flavor reminiscent of cranberry and citrus fruit. The buds are lovely to behold—the gold and Bavarian-green nuggets flare out from the base of the stem and taper off like a Christmas tree, making the strain the perfect accoutrement for this festive season. Festive—maybe that’s what the “F” stands for. Oh, let’s just say this is a fantastic strain to keep on hand for dealing with severe pain. Take it when your arthritis flares, insomnia comes knocking or migraines rear their ugly little head.

Kalifornia Tea

Sunrise OG

Take a break from the brownies and cookies, and enjoy the cool sippin‘ goodness of a medicinal drink that goes down smooth like our California sunshine. Kalifornia Tea, available at Rite Greens in Anaheim, provides 350mg of antioxidants, 25mg of caffeine and 40mg of Delta-9 THC. Each bottle is also clearly labeled so you can track dosage (each bottle counts as two doses)—very important for those who are novices to edibles (er, drinkables?). But it’s the taste that will have patients coming back. Available in various flavors—Blueberry, Peach Mango and Chronic Palmer—we sampled several varieties, including Blueberry Pomegranate (made with indica flowers). The tea goes down both tart and crisp; the earthiness of the orange pekoe cut black tea is offset gloriously by the mild tang of cannabis and sweetness of the natural cane sugar. And the effects? They can only be described as a warm, golden flow infusing every cell in your body. The body stone is a warm blanket soothing tired limbs, calming frazzled nerves and essentially bringing peace of mind from head to toe. If you want to take a break from the baked goods and try a medicated drink, Kalifornia Tea could be the sun-kissed beverage we’ve been waiting for. Sorry, Lipton.

The first word that comes to mind when partaking of this 100-percent indica and house specialty of Sunrise Flower in Los Angeles is heavy. It’s heavy on the senses, with a sharp, pungent aroma and a bold, syrupy-sweet flavor not unlike prescription cough medicine. It’s heavy in weight—not dense like the cheese varieties, but so loaded with THC-infused resin that you have to wash your hands after touching it unless you want your fingers sticking to things.

It’s staggeringly, wobblingly heavy on the brain, and the very definition of “two-hitter quitter.” While it’s called Sunrise, a more truthful name for it might be Sunset OG. Medicate with this puppy, and you’re down for the night. Each bud is shaped like a gold nugget—irregular, with the nugs varying greatly in size and woven together in bulbous clumps. While gold is a dominant shade in the strain, we could spend the rest of this review cataloguing the different hues presented in a single Sunrise OG bud; it’s a kaleidoscope of colors, all of them bold. Fern and forest green, pumpkin and vermillion orange and even touches of ultramarine and cerulean blue. All told, it’s a natural wonder. Given its potency, you should use common sense when considering ingesting—it’s definitely not something to mix with heavy machinery. But if you’re off-the-clock and experiencing serious discomfort from migraines, nausea or arthritis—or you’re in need of a great appetite stimulant—it’s the medicine to keep on hand.

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Kathy Griffin has been taking her clothes off lately. A lot. On Late Night with David Letterman. On the cover of her new video. On New Year’s Eve in Times Square with Anderson Cooper— then she texted him naked photos of herself from his summer home while he was hosting the news on CNN. A “D-lister” no more, the 51-year-old comedian has a prodigious work ethic.

She cranked out four cable specials last year, performs her stand-up show around 100 times a year, hosts her own daytime television talk show—called Kathy, of course—and now it looks like she’s got a club hit on her hands as the remixes of the Kathy theme song (which she sings herself, naturally) are moving up the Billboard dance chart. Fast.

She’s performing around the country between now and February 2013, but she doesn’t need me to tell you about it because Griffin can promote herself just fine, thank you very much. She’s become a role model for aspiring comedians of the female persuasion by almost single-handedly convincing America that, yes, chicks can be funny too. And when you talk to her you get the feeling that after all she’s done, this redhead is just getting started.

So who’s pissing you off right now?

Well you know I never met a Kardashian that I don’t like as a comedian.

I’m worried that we kind of demean ourselves by even mentioning them.

Shouldn’t we be ignoring them? Maybe they’ll go away.

I’m sorry but they’re multiplying! I’m looking at basically an old-fashioned metronome or some sort of sands of time to see how long it’s gonna be until Kim gets pregnant. But I’m assuming she’ll at least have one pregnancy by the time I’m at Pechanga and one on the way. I mean if Snooki can be wheeled out of the hospital with her little meatball then Kim can’t be far behind.

Your current status with The View is difficult to nail down. So tell me: are you banned or unbanned at the moment?

Banned . . . I would say I’ve been banned and unbanned about a half a dozen times.

Now are you really banned or do you just like to say that to kick up a little controversy?

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No, you can call them tomorrow and ask them if they’d like to have me as a guest.

You really became a household name—in a stroke of delicious irony—when your Bravo comedy special The D-list became a huge hit. So I suppose you really can’t say claim to be a D-lister anymore, can you?

No, I have a talk show. I have Emmys. I have Grammy nominations.

You have a lot of Emmys.

I have a dance hit!

I was going to ask you about that next.

This is where it gets fun. So—never to be bored—I thought, “What can I do between Season 1 and Season 2 of the Kathy show?”

Because taking some time off would be unthinkable for you, right?

Because I like to build a bridge and I don’t like to not work for even one second. So one: I sing the theme to my talk show—which is really corny. And two: I’ve got Emilio Estefan and the Cuban mafia behind it to do a dance mix. And then their daughter Emily did another dance mix. And I now have a dance mix hit called “I Say It.”

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And you have all these different versions!

There are seven versions and apparently the kids like to have their glow sticks and their bath salts. They like to listen to a version of a song after a different version of the same song.

And we wonder why they keep eating each other’s faces off.

Okay, so when you were 18 you convinced your parents to move to L.A. so you could be famous. Is that true?

Not to be famous, but I wanted to be an actress. They were thinking about retiring either in San Diego or Los Angeles.

Okay, so it wasn’t like you browbeat your parents into moving to L.A.—even though you were already 18—just so you had someone to do your laundry and keep the fridge stocked.

No, no, no—not at all. I merely . . . steered them. There was some plotting. I’ll admit it. But they just honestly lived to play golf. All they wanted was a nice tomato soup and a public golf course. So I said, well—of course, whatever you want to do. You’re my mom and dad. You guys are paying the bills. But I think the golf courses are a little nicer in Los Angeles, and I think I could maybe go on auditions.

I still think it’s pretty damn impressive what you’ve done.

You’ve changed a lot of minds about the viability of women in stand-up comedy.

When you have a landscape that is so saturated with everything from social media to a million cable channels, you can get comedy or drama from so many different sources. I find what I do is the one thing you really can’t change [and that’s] who you are.

My comedy comes from my own embarrassing life first, and then my own take on celebrities and I make it very personal. I don’t just talk about random celebrities. I talk about celebrities I have had a personal run-in with.

I find that people really like having that mask ripped off.

You’re just telling stories up there . . . usually about someone from the Kardashian clan.

And everybody likes a good celebrity gossipy tale.

But not everyone has actually met the person. Any comedian in Anytown, U.S.A. can say, “Doesn’t Celine Dion have a funny accent?” But when you come see me I’m going to say, “Here’s what happened last time I ran into Celine Dion.”

I think it’s great. And it’s proved to be very entertaining.

Doing live standup is my favorite thing ever. I really love it. I’m on the road pretty much every weekend. There’s nothing like live entertainment. It is completely no-holds-barred. It is the

last bastion of a censorship-free comedic environment. In the live shows I really can and do say things that I can’t even do in my specials.

Okay, tell me how it works.

My process is I’m always looking . . . always looking for something that is comedically entertaining for the audience. So obviously I’m watching everything political right now and I have a voracious appetite for that anyway . . . And maybe I don’t have to make it accessible. Maybe I’m just a big liberal and I can just do rants about it that are so over-thetop that even the conservatives won’t get mad at me because I’m just basically losing my mind on stage.

Good luck with that.

And at the same time we’re all looking at the political landscape nobody can stop talking about [that] Honey Boo Boo child.

Well good job. I’m impressed.

I told them I would never work or be able to support them if I wasn’t living in Los Angeles or New York. I then went on to work and support them both so my trickery worked!

You are working. A lot. Didn’t you have four comedy specials on the TV this year?

Last year I did four in one year which has never been done.

Do you worry about maybe being a little greedy with the four comedy specials in one year?

Can’t you leave some for the other comics?

No, I think it’s because I’m a female comic. I have to jump higher and work harder.

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Speaking of politics. Is it just me or the Republican Party just getting more and more regressive, retarded and plain ol‘ batshit crazy?

We are pretty much rolling back the clock. I think that’s been happening . . . a little bit with Regan but definitely with Dubya, even more than his father. And now people are refighting the separation of church and state and they’re trying to rewrite the constitution and teach creationism and all this stuff which is completely antithetical to what I grew up with. My mom and dad worked hard to send me to a school where education was paramount. I tease the nuns because they tried to make me a Catholic but it didn’t stick, but certainly not for one minute . . . did those nuns try to teach me about creationism.

Well there’s a whole lot of people in jail right now—casualties of our expensive, never ending Drug War, I guess I’d call them. Roughly half of our ridiculously high per-capita prison population is there because of drug-related offenses.

So people getting arrested for smoking a plant or for just possessing a baggie of dried leaves seems to be a pretty big problem to me.

I’m much more interested in the lady umpire from the U.S. Open who allegedly killed her husband with a coffee cup. That’s a story I can wrap an act around.

They never tried to convince you that Darwinism is just a “theory,” and Jesus was riding dinosaurs 5,000 years ago when the Earth had just been created.

No! I would have gotten in trouble

Good point. What would happen to you if you did smoke some herb? Spontaneous combustion? What goes on?

That’s the thing . . . you know, I’ve never had a drink in my life.

Do you partake of the medicine yourself?

I don’t partake. The last thing I need is something to help me loosen up.

It’s just a little hypocritical that people can go and get as drunk as they want.

—on those who criticize cannabis use

out with my friends a lot. Shoot the breeze. I love a dinner party.

I love smart conversation. And then I love really ridiculous television beyond control. I mean I can watch TV 12 hours a day, no problem.

Flying the Multicolored Flag

Besides her notoriety in entertainment circles, Kathy Griffin is also a bona fide LGBT activist who often uses her television soapbox to stump for gay rights, such as same-sex marriage. Two years ago, she helped organize a “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” rally in Washington, D.C., and has supported the nonprofit Aid for AIDS (AFA) annual fundraiser. She won a Vanguard Award during the GLAAD Media Awards in 2009. But considering Griffin’s candid, usually brazen style, it should be no surprise that the comedienne described her advocacy in this way, in an interview with the Washington, D.C.-based Metro Weekly: “I’m building bridges between hot guys, the LGBT community and women everywhere. And isn’t that what’s important?”

for that because it’s factually incorrect!

Let me ask you about medical marijuana.

I don’t even know if it should be just medical. I guess there’re issues about it—you don’t want to do it around kids, and I’m not sure I want to be driving behind someone who’s really high. It’s just a little hypocritical that people can go and get as drunk as they want . . . And it’s typical of the conservatives [who] would want to distract you with that conversation.

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I’ve heard this, yes.

Everyone I know who drinks or smokes pot—they do it to loosen up in some way or relax or feel more confident or whatever . . .

“Liquid courage,” I think they call it. I’m actually trying to get less courage. Liquid or solid. I’m a little too heavy on the courage side of the scale.

What do you do to relax? How do you chill out? What do you do in your spare time—if you ever actually allow yourself some spare time?

I actually work out a lot. I hang

What are your favorites right now?

Everything from The Newsroom and Political Animals to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, and everything in-between. I watch all the news cycles and then I’ll watch everything from 24/7 Mayweather [vs. Cotto] to every single one of the Housewives franchises to Bridezillas to Boardwalk Empire. I like that stuff. I actually don’t watch a ton of comedy because when you do comedy you don’t really make fun of stuff that’s funny. In my act it’s a lot more likely that I’ll make fun of Honey Boo Boo child then

make fun of 30 Rock. So I tend to watch more of meltdown reality and drama shows.

How much time do you spend on the show? Is it a full-time job when it’s on?

Well the whole thing is full-time.

It’s either the Kathy show or it’s prepping for one of the specials or it’s going on the road or its doing something crazy like a dance mix of the theme song from Kathy.

There’s also all the time you spend working on ideas that never happen, right?

Not with me. I’m not really in movies so I’m not somebody who auditions for movies or TV shows.

It’s my own show or nothing!

So you’re not spending a lot of time pitching ideas to studios and stuff like that?

No. They come to me!

That’s what I’d call an “A-List” attitude, Ms. Griffin!

[Laughs] Thanks, Todd! c kathygriffin.net

In Concert

Appearing Feb. 1 at the Thousand Oaks Civic Arts Plaza in Thousand Oaks, and Feb. 22 at the Agua Caliente Casino Resort Spa in Rancho Mirage.

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1996

Griffin’s first big breakout role is playing restaurant critic Vicki Groener on the NBC show Suddenly Susan.

1998

Griffin steals the show in an episode of Seinfeld as Sally Weaver; the sad excuse for an actress who starts a comedy career by making fun of Jerry.

She gets a successful cable show where she makes fun of celebrities . . . wait, why is this sounding familiar?

2005

Griffin starts her streak of eight consecutive Emmy nominations with the Bravo reality show My Life on the D-List. It has since made her a twotime Emmy winner.

2008

The View draws a line in the sand . . . and Griffin crosses it and ends up banned from the show. Don’t mess with Barbara Walters!

2011

Griffin smokes a joint with the host of Showtime show The Green Room with Paul Provenza.

Now that’s reality television!

2012

Anderson Cooper gives Griffin a set of keys to his Long Island house. Griffin sexts nude photos of herself sprawled all over the journalist’s home to the former host of Anderson Cooper 360°.

Lessons learned.

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healthy living Cannabis

By Lanny Swerdlow, RN, LNC

For the Holidays Makes Sense Every holiday season over 1,000 people die due to drunk driving.

These figures from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration are sobering to say the least. All the guilt-tripping cajoling from Mothers Against Drunk Driving, the threats from law enforcement and the opprobrium of society does not forestall these tragic deaths from occurring each holiday season.

Alcohol and the holiday season are synonymous. Whether at office parties, family get-togethers or a myriad of other holiday celebrations culminating on New Year’s Eve, alcohol is de rigueur. Consecrated in the Bible and other historic writings of Western civilization, alcohol’s use as a mood-altering substance is encouraged through advertising, Budweiser’s Clydesdales horse teams and the stamp of approval given by our communities’ leaders regularly engaging in alcohol-infused events and celebrations.

It is the worst possible choice that could have been made.

Young adults are particularly vulnerable to the ravages of alcohol. Compared to other age groups, 21- to 24-year-olds have the highest number of alcoholimpaired driving fatalities—one-third of them due to alcohol consumption.

The next group with the highest level of alcohol-impaired driving fatalities is 25- to 34-year-olds with almost 30 percent of their fatalities due to alcohol. As drivers age, the percentage of alcohol-impaired driving decreases significantly due to a decrease in alcohol consumption from people growing older.

The dangers and destructive impact of alcohol on our communities does not end with traffic fatalities. Diseases related directly to alcohol such as pancreatitis, cirrhosis of the liver and cancer account for over 1.5 million hospital admissions annually.

Society needs to understand that humans like to party, and when they party

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they like to ingest mood-altering substances. We have been doing this so long there is probably a genetic component driving it. The horrors of alcohol prohibition have shown that the drive to alter one’s mood is so pervasive that people will not abstain from its consumption even under threat of criminal prosecution.

Since it is unrealistic and unnatural to expect humans to cease consuming mood-altering substances, then it is incumbent upon civilized society to offer effective alternatives to alcohol. There are plenty of mood-altering substances available ranging from opium to methamphetamines. Although any of these substances would generally produce less damage to the individual than alcohol, the problem with every one of them is that they all have significant negative health consequences.

With absolutely none of the negative health consequences of alcohol or any of the other mood-altering substances, cannabis is the only substance whose moodaltering abilities are strong enough to compete with alcohol. By preventing access to cannabis, governments have blood on their hands—it is akin to genocide.

Multiple studies, like the 2011 report Medical Marijuana Laws, Traffic Fatalities and Alcohol Consumption by Mark Anderson and Daniel Rees, have documented that when cannabis consumption increases, alcohol consumption decreases.

No surprise there—good quality, potent marijuana is far more fun to party with then alcohol. Plus there is the added advantage that the next morning the user wakes up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

Far from discouraging marijuana

consumption, a rational approach to the problems caused by alcohol would include, as a major component, not just making marijuana widely and easily available, but a major health initiative to encourage people to use marijuana as their mood-altering substance of choice.

The anti-inflammatory properties of cannabis principally benefit society’s older members for treating and preventing cardiovascular disease and cancer. These are age-related ailments. Young adults do not usually have cardiovascular disease and cancer. The major benefit of cannabis for young adults is its psychoactive properties that make it an effective and acceptable alternative to alcohol.

The mindless genuflection of our world’s leaders to the perpetual quest by police for power and money through enforcement of marijuana prohibition laws is directly responsible for the deaths and other debilitating consequences that millions of suffering young adults having to choose between alcohol and nothing.

Fortunately, young adults in California with a physician’s recommendation have the choice to use cannabis. This holiday season make the right choice, the safer choice—choose cannabis. c Receive Lanny’s free cannabis email newsletter by sending your email address to lanny@marijuananews.org.

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Gorilla Grow Tent

This durable tent can expand from 7 feet to 10 feet—King Kong ain’t got nothing on this! $220 www.dealzer.com

Autopilot Desktop CO2 Monitor

Just set it and forget it—this monitor calculates and displays ventilation rates so you and your plants can breathe easy. $144.95 www.ecogrow.com

Holiday Gift Guide!

Hydroponics/ Grow Gear For those who are serious about setting down roots . . .

Advanced Nutrients Nirvana

A favorite among hydro growers, this product’s algae extract and hydrolyzed soy proteins will help your plants reach nirvana. www.advancednutrients.com

Growing Elite Marijuana by Ryan Riley

There’s 18 years worth of knowledge and technical know-how here so make sure you have a bookmark, too. www.growingelitemarijuana.com

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Happy Frog Potting Soil

Bat guano, forest humus and earthworm casings might sound weird—but your plants will eat it up. $11.99 59 lbs. www.groworganic.com

Super Grow LED

God said, “Let there be light.” You said, “Let there be LED light.” And Super Grow was good. $249 www.supergrowled. com

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Atmos Nuke Dual Cartridge Vaporizer

A small, innocuous vape pen, the Atmos Nuke Dual Cartridge takes herbs, oils and waxes and can switch between double or single cartridge use. $123.49 www.atmosthermo.com

Elite V3 Portable Vaporizer

Capable of delivering more than 400 hits between charges, VaporPenz’ elegant Elite V3 will vaporize everything your heart desires—flowers, concentrates, fluids—to help get you through the holidays. $79.95 www.vaporpenz.com

VaporCone

In need of a perfect stocking stuffer?

Try VaporCones’ Discreet—a buttonless vape pen with a ceramic skillet and mouthpiece—or its big brother, the Elite.

Each one handles herbs, concentrates or e-liquids. $50 Discreet, $90 Elite themedstick.com

Cloud Vape

Holiday Gift Guide!

Vaporizers For those who like to clear the air . . .

You can refill this travel-friendly little number with your own medicine, and it’ll only take 10 seconds flat to start feeling the vapors. $69.99 cloudvapes.com

Iolite Wispr Vaporizer

An industrial redesign of the standard pocket vape. Load the stylishly colorful box, wait a few seconds for Wispr to heat to 374 degrees and puff. Tres chic. $249 www.iolite.com

Storz & Bickel Volcano

A stone-cold classic, this medical-grade device uses precision-heated air to eliminate the vast majority of nastiness associated with smoking the plant. $539 www.storz-bickel.com 70 CULTURE • DECEMBER 2012

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Eclipse Vape

It’s the original, it’s efficient and it’s one of the best plug-in-andplay items around. $98.99 www.vapornation.com

Dab Essentials Domeless Titanium Nail

If smoothness, flavor and minimum heat transfer are important to you, put Dab Essentials’ nifty nail (comes with a built-in diffuser) on your “nice” list. $179.97 www.dabessentials.com

Vector Nitro Butane Torch

Holiday Gift Guide!

Shade Glass DabSaber

Strong enough for a Jedi . . . but made for that special patient (and Star Wars fan) on your wish list. $50 store.kultureva.com

CONCENTRATE UTENSILS

When you need to crank it up to 2,400 degrees Fahrenheit, let this chromed out little number from Heady Glass heat things up. $64.99 www.headyglass.com

For those who are serious about their meds . . .

Illadelph Hot Hit Slide

A cunningly designed slide with three small holes instead of the usual central hole—innovative! $60 14.5mm and 18.8mm) www.illadelphglass.com

Skilletools

From the Scoop Dogg to the Flexy, Skilletools’ line of dental-grade stainless steel utensils are made to last all year. $12.99 each www.skilletools.com

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Octopus Pipe

This hand-blown pipe will cost you, but consider this—friends come over, everyone wants to medicate and you get to say, “Release the Kraken.” $1,000 etsy.com/shop/LoudActions

Cyclops Pipe

This Arizona-based company has one of the coolest collections of glass pipes, especially the Cyclops, which is perfect for cannabis masters who want a new pupil. $56 chameleonglass.com

EZ Pipe Black

Featuring a cap for smokeless use, this discreet pipe is a self-contained unit that can hold most Bic-style lighters. $20 afrosmoke.com

Holiday Gift Guide!

Pipes

The Fumo Pipe

For those who like to spark up a conversation . . .

Made in the Mile High State, The Fumo is a pipe and steam roller hybrid with a sleek design and innovative functionality. $75 1percent.com

Dragon Pipe

Exit the dragon, enter the patient. $20 gorillaglass.com

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Bul-It Pipe

Leave it to the Brits to design an 88mm pipe for the Ron Paul-supporting Republican in your life.

Approx. $38 to $44 red-eye.co.uk

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Sheldon Black SixShooter Bubbler (Black Tree)

Pulse Glass Double to Double Showerhead

This High Times Medical Cannabis Cup first-place winner for Best Glass, Pulse offers this 20-inch tall, 5mm-thick Double to Double stemless with percolator, ice pinch and slide. $550 www.pulseglass.com

Pure Glass Zero XM Swiss

For the chilliest, sickest hit out there, pre-chill the glycerinfilled coil, plop it on top and enjoy the Swiss percolating, water filtration. $669 pureglass420.com/zero-xm

One of the biggest names in boutique scientific glass offers this super diffusion bubbler with a six-branch, black diffusion tree and ultra sleek and smooth hitting. $250 www.sheldonblack.com

Holiday Gift Guide!

Glassware

For those who like to keep things transparent . . .

Snic Mobius Bubbler

Texas-based Snic Barnes ranks among the best heady glass pipe designers in the world thanks to his stunning, steampunkesque electroplating work.

Prices vary www.snicbarnes.com

Salt and Snic Custom Heady Bubblers

Heady heavyweights team up on these hyper-ornate, smallish bubblers featuring Snic’s electroplating and Salt’s characteristic biomorphic creature styles. Prices vary www.saltglass.com

Toro Glass Diffusion Bubbler

Toro—a master in the scientific glass domain, with its clean lines and emphasis on functionality— shows off its heady side.

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CaliJars South Park Glass Jar

Doob Tubes

These hard plastic tubes are the perfect, water- and odor-proof way to carry pre-rolls, and they double as storage for those halfsmoked joints. $5.99 five-pack doobtubin.com

Get your nugs out of that natty baggy and into this South Park-inspired line of jars—small enough to hold an eighth, large enough to hold an oz. $9.99 www.calijars.com

Holiday Gift Guide!

Containers & Jars For those who always have something in store . . .

Tightvac Vitavac Pocketvac

Vacuum-sealed food container-maker Tightvac offers these opaque, BPA-free airtight cases, which prevent your nugs from oxidizing. $6.50 tightvac.com

Santa Cruz Shredder

With a new tooth design, this computer-designed anodized shredder is built to last and won’t slice or smash your precious herbs. $22 Mini 2-Piece, $79.99 Large 4-Piece www.santacruzshredder.com 80 CULTURE • DECEMBER 2012

CVault Containers

CVault containers are airtight, made of stainless steel and perfect for curing and storage (with space for a humidity control pack from Boveda). $19.95 Small CVault, $205.95 Connoisseur Combo 4 www.thecvault.com

CannaFresh Jimi jar

This company’s Collectors Edition Cheech & Chong Series includes this trippy, Jimi Hendrixinspired 22-oz. jar. $32 cannafresh.com

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Odorless Pocket Pouch

The name is weird and the image gives away the contents, but this durable storage unit will provide peace of mind when taking MMJ on the go. $10 crystalparadise.org

Lil Ben Backpack

Cobra Bag

With a tablet media holder and hidden stash pockets, the Lil Ben backpack says this iHippie is all about the benjamins. $60 sprayground.com

While it won’t bite people who snoop through your stuff, the multi-functional Cobra case does sport a hidden compartment for 007-like secrecy. $21 vatra.com

RYOT Piper Case

The Rolls Royce of pipe cases has a plush soft-wall interior, a heat-resistant freshness pocket and secondary magnetic closures so your medication always rides first class. $16 1percent.com

Holiday Gift Guide!

BAGS & STORAGE

For those who believe you can take it with you . . .

Key Ring Hemp Wallet

This slim-profile hemp wallet comes with an external key ring for those who always lose their house keys. $14 hempys.com

Grenade Case

An egg-crate cushion interior and a this-meanswar shell let people know your medicine’s the bomb. $20 vatra.com

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cool stuff Carbon Black Wheelchair Patients with mobility issues, take note. The Carbon Black Wheelchair is positioned as the next revolution in personal transportation. It is easily adjustable, comes with built-in LED lights and—because its made of carbon fiber—its ridiculously lightweight and portable. This is how you should roll.

(MSRP TBA) iimaginedesign.com

Tarantino XX: 8-Film Collection Get your Flock of Seagulls haircut ready, cuz this must-have collection of Quentin Tarantino flicks will deserve a high place of honor in your DVD collection. Next to Street Fighter. ($119.99) www.miramax.com/on-disc/tarantino-xx

CoolJarz Flipz For storage that’s a literal snap, CoolJarz’s new Flipz’ offer flip-top convenience while at the same time providing peace of mind with a tamper- and child-proof design. And they’re recyclable! ($10 Sample Pak) www.cooljarz.com

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By Aunt Sandy

Winter is typically a time when families gather to share a special—and delicious—meal together. This holiday-themed menu is sure to get your loved ones rushing to the dinner table.

Menu:

Crown Roast of Pork Pan Gravy Cannabis Apple & Onion Stuffing Mashed Sweet Potatoes Cauliflower in Cheese Sauce Chocolate Bread Pudding w/Bourbon Sauce Cannabis Infused Brandy

Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt’ Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University.

She is also the co-founder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.

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Crown Roast of Pork 1 crown roast of pork (8 to 9 lbs.)

Pan Gravy (see recipe on pg. 87) Cannabis Apple & Onion Stuffing (see recipe below) Remove meat from the refrigerator about 1 hour before cooking. Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Wipe moisture from the roast. Protect the ends of the rib bones by covering with aluminum foil. Immediately after putting the roast in the oven reduce heat to 325 degrees, roasting 30 minutes per pound. Remove roast one hour before it’s done to stuff the center of the crown with Cannabis Apple and Onion stuffing. Return roast to the oven to complete cooking for the additional hour. Carve between each rib and serve with Pan Gravy.

Cannabis Apple & Onion Stuffing 1 cup of raisins 1 chopped garlic clove 3 cups of diced tart apples 1 cup of chopped celery 1/4 cup of finely chopped parsley 3 cups of diced tart apples 1 1/2 teaspoons of salt 1/4 cup of finely chopped parsley 7 cups of soft bread crumbs 1 1/2 teaspoons of salt 1 cup Canna Butter* 1/4 teaspoon of paprika 1 cup of chopped onion Place raisins in boiling water for five minutes. Blend diced apples, chopped parsley, salt and paprika with the bread crumbs. Drain water from cooked raisins and add the bread crumbs mixture. Sauté with melted Canna Butter and mix all ingredients together.

Mashed Sweet Potatoes

Cauliflower in Cheese Sauce Makes 6 servings 1 cauliflower 3 tablespoons of Canna Butter* 2 tablespoons of flour

1 cup of milk 1 cup of shredded cheddar cheese

Cut off the tough end of the cauliflower’s stem. Remove the leaves and soak in cold salted water head down for 10 minutes. Drain and break up the cauliflower into florets. Cut deep slashes into the stalk.

Steam the florets (head up) and stalk in 1 inch of water. Reduce the heat to simmer and cook partially covered until the stalk is barely tender, about another 10 minutes. Drain well and place in serving dish.

Melt the Canna Butter with the head in a skillet. Add and blend flour over medium heat. Stir slowly in milk with a whisk until thickened and smooth. Add cheese. When the cheese is melted, pour the sauce over the cauliflower. Serve immediately.

Makes 4 servings 6 sweet potatoes 2 tablespoons of Canna Butter* 1/2 teaspoon of salt Hot milk Drop the sweet potatoes into boiling water and cover. Cook until tender, about 25 minutes. Mash with a potato masher and add Canna Butter. Add salt and a little hot milk, slowly and gradually. Beat the mixture with a fork or whisk until it’s very light and smooth. Serve with Pan Gravy DECEMBER 2012 • CULTURE 87

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Pan Gravy

Pan drippings 3 tablespoons of flour 1 cup of water Optional salt and pepper ¼ cup of Canna Butter*

Blend pan drippings from the crown roast with flour. Whisk the mixture until the flour has thickened and all the ingredients are well combined and smooth. Continue to cook slowly and stir constantly while adding water slowly to reach the perfect gravy consistency. Add salt and pepper for taste.

Finish this by adding Canna Butter to make it creamy.

Cannabis Infused Brandy

2 cups of brandy ½ ounce of cannabis buds Pour the brandy into a sauce pan.

Cook over a medium heat for three minutes. Add the cannabis buds and simmer them for 20 minutes. Strain the buds from the brandy. Keep warm. Add this to your favorite warm drink (we prefer eggnog), and add a lemon twist for a soothing and delicious beverage.

Canna Butter* 1 cup unsalted butter 1 ounce low to average quality dried leaf marijuana or 1/2 ounce average dried bud 4 cups water Bring water and butter to boil in a small pot, lower heat to simmer. Simmer gently for about 1 1/2 hours. Mash and stir frequently to extract all THC from the plant material. After cooking, use cheesecloth to strain the butter/water mixture. Pour about 2 cups clean boiling water over the leaves in the strainer to extract every last drop of butter. Squeeze plant material well to remove as much liquid as possible. Chill the butter/water mixture in the refrigerator until the butter has solidified (1 to 2 hours). Separate butter from water and keep butter in the refrigerator (or freezer for longer storage) until needed.

Chocolate Bread Pudding Makes 6 servings.

5 cups diced fresh bread or 4 cups dice stale bread 3 cups of warm milk 1/4 cup of Canna Butter* 1/4 teaspoon of salt 3 egg yolks 1/2 cup of sugar 1 teaspoon of vanilla 1/2 teaspoon of nutmeg 1/2 cup of chocolate chips Bourbon Sauce Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Cut bread into slices and trim away crusts. Combine milk, Canna Butter, egg yolks, sugar, vanilla, nutmeg and salt. Beat well. Soak bread slices in mixture for 15 minutes. Add chocolate chips. Bake the pudding in a baking dish set in a pan of hot water for about 45 minutes. Serve with Bourbon Sauce.

Bourbon Sauce 1/3 cup of Canna Butter* 1 cup of confectioner’s sugar, sifted 3 tablespoons of bourbon 2 egg yolks ½ cup of cream Place Canna Butter in a double boiler, beating it until it is creamy. Add other ingredients gradually, blending the mixture slowly. When all ingredients are added and blended, cook until slightly thickened. Serve immediately by pouring over the Chocolate Bread Pudding. Top with a dollop of whipped cream, a mint leaf and a sprinkle of cocoa powder.

Legal Disclaimer

Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so.

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Shooting Gallery National Marijuana Business Conference (Photos by Michael Gifford)

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Shooting Gallery GET YOUR CLICK HERE

LEAP Fundraiser

www.iReadCulture.com

(Photos by Steve Baker)

“Know Your Rights” Garden Summit (Photos by Steve Baker)

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Shooting Gallery GET YOUR CLICK HERE

Escape From Wonderland

www.iReadCulture.com

(Photos by Kristopher Christensen)

Can-Can Charity Golf Tournament (Photos by Kristopher Christensen)

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entertainment reviews Boys Noize Out of the Black Boys Noize Records While the name sounds like the opening act on a One Direction tour, Boys Noize gets huge cool points for making a Monster Magnet “Space Lord” dance remix one of his first releases in 2004. Alex Ridha, the German-born DJ making all the Noize, is now an international star with a new full-length album, Out of the Black.

Sounds range from digitized guitar and live drum sounds (“Rocky 2”) to new wave-disco hybrids with a native percussion breakdown (“Conchord”), all driven by pounding electro-synth grooves. Tracks like “Circus Full of Clowns” come across as album filler, but EDM fans can cherry pick the standouts like the euphoric “XTC,” the bouncy “Ich R U” and the dynamic, energy-building opener, “What You Want.” Hopefully rap radio will embrace the album closer, “Got It,” which has Snoop Dogg throwing down like he’s trying to bring ’93 back. (David Jenison)

Cannabis Sativa: The Essential Guide to the World’s Finest Marijuana Strains Vol. 2 S.T. Oner Green Candy Press Not content to let the world continue with only one authoritative guide to sativa strains, the ganja geniuses over at Green Candy Press cultivated yet another voluminous volume dedicated to providing a comprehensive overview of the best of the best. If you’re a connoisseur, Cannabis Sativa Vol. 2 should prove to be instructive reading for those with a deep interest in the heaviest and bushiest of marijuana strains (Krane Damage, Nebula, etc.). Genetics-minded patients will find rock-solid lineage descriptions of popular phenos such as Cannatonic and Sour OG. Coming straight from the minds of breeders and growers, Vol. 2’s information is unsurpassed . . . but at the same time not overly technical—often the weakness of some marijuana books. The photos are drool-worthy, but the information—and adroit wit—will keep you coming back. A great stocking stuffer for the patient hungry for colorful and accurate information. (Matt Tapia)

Twisted Sister A Twisted X-mas – Live in Las Vegas Eagle Rock Entertainment A Twisted Christmas, a 2006 collection of metalized holiday standards, became Twisted Sister’s bestselling album since the Reagan years. The band released a live Christmas DVD the next year, but unlike Ghost Rider, this bad boy deserved a sequel. A Twisted Xmas - Live in Las Vegas features Sin City theatrics, Steel Panther-like nostalgia and Radio City Christmas Spectacular production with holiday-adorned strippers replacing the Rockettes. The concert took place at the Vegas Hilton, a.k.a. the house Elvis built in the theater Barry Manilow ruled. Sure, Manilow covered many of the same classics on his Christmas albums, but he didn’t dress like a tranny or radically reimagine songs like Twister Sister’s “12 Days of Christmas” (spoiler alert: they don’t ask for turtle doves). Complete with colorful costumes, fake snow and amped-up arrangements, A Twisted Xmas is a sick holiday treat! (David Jenison)

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Kevin Smith

We owe so much to Kevin Smith. Without him, we would be lost in a purple haze without the wise cracks of Jay and Silent Bob to guide us to gutbusting laughter. While Smith hasn’t made a lot of movies since Clerks 2 a couple years ago, he’s been making up for it by going straight to the masses, dropping podcasts left and right and performing live. He’s brought along actor and buddy Ralph Garman (of KROQ fame) for the ride, where they hang out and talk about basically anything that comes to mind—especially anything that ends with “Kardashian.” The random assortment will probably have takes on pop culture, past filming experiences, the state of the comic book industry and Smith’s life as a proud pothead. If you’ve ever quoted any of his movies (don’t lie, you have and you don’t know it) you should probably stop

by Universal CityWalk and be prepared to laugh your ass off at some good Southwest jokes. (Joe Martone)

IF YOU GO

What: Hollywood Babble-On w/ Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman.

When/Where: Dec. 15 & 22 at The Jon Lovitz Comedy Club, 1000 Universal Studios Blvd., Los Angeles.

Info: Tickets $20. Go to thejonlovitzcomedyclub.com or call (818) 824-6545.

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liner notes Let’s conduct a thought exercise: When I say “metal,” where do you picture that music being created or that lifestyle being lived? Odds are you pictured one of two places. The first is Scandinavia. Perhaps somewhere in a distant Norwegian fjord, a satanic ritual is being performed while the double bass drum pounds ever faster. The second is suburbia. Show me a successful upper middle-class family that just bought a house near a strip mall and I’ll show you a kid they’re raising who hasn’t changed his Lamb of God Tshirt since freshman year.

But, as Yoda once said, “there is another.” What many of you Anglocentric jerks might not have realized is that there is a phenomenal metal scene in Japan. There are hordes of Japanese teenagers gobbling up metal albums and, in turn, growing up to write their own. There are faces being melted off as you read this column by arpeggiated solos and heads banging so hard that Mt. Fuji has become structurally insecure.

This is, perhaps, why Ozzfest is expanding its franchise to include a Japanese branch. The two-day festival runs May 11 to May 12, 2013, and takes place at the Makuhari Messe arena just outside of Tokyo. Black Sabbath— featuring Ozzy Osbourne, Geezer Butler and Tony Iommi—and Slipknot will rock the stage.

Sharon Osbourne, metal’s First Lady, said in a press release that the show has “the perfect combination of Western and Japanese bands.” She added that this would be Black Sabbath’s first performance in Japan.

No word yet on whether or not Sabbath will be scoring the next Hayao Miyazaki movie.

By Kevin Longrie covers; but some were just Prince sitting on a motorcycle or looking longingly into the camera.

But when Prince tells you to cease and/or desist, you take notice. Gua said that he would comply with the order to take down images from his website, though with any luck they’ve been saved onto thousands of hard drives already and will never, ever leave the Internet.

With any luck, the photos will become a cultural touchstone that citizens of the world can look upon and contemplate deeply the nature of Mr. Purple Rain.

Prince, notoriously eccentric, seems not to appreciate the tribute, leaving Gua, a fan once and always, crestfallen.

“I simply do not wish to fight with my hero,” Gua said, “and it is terribly disheartening to think that he may hold ill will towards me and this project.”

What’s more likely is that Prince himself, busy with his real-life journey to the center of the earth, has not seen the project. His litigious compatriots decided in his perceived best interest, as the tiny musician dug deeper into the Earth’s crust, determined to be the first artist to perform in the mantle. The truth is no one knows what Prince wants or what kind of strange thing he’ll do next.

What he should’ve done is teamed up with Gua to create a whole line of Prince dolls and release them just in time for Christmas. A Prince in every

stocking! Imagine the laughter of children and the sweet, sweet music.

Rihanna and Chris Brown are set to release a duet titled “Nobody’s Business.” The chorus repeats the title, saying “It ain’t nobody’s business/No it ain’t nobody’s business/Just mine and my baby.” This comes on the tail of Brown’s tasteless jihadist Halloween costume and concert protesters in Europe posting photos of a battered Rihanna over show posters for Brown’s act. The song is at least in some way a reaction to the collective “Are you f**king kidding me?” released by the entire world when the couple got back together after Brown beat the Barbadian pop star to a pulp.

It’s as if all of the girls that used to look up to Rihanna are now saying she “found love in a hopeless disgrace.” c

Prince and his attorneys (Morris, Day and Time, LLC) have threatened legal action against the artist Troy Gua for his recent series titled “Le Petit Prince.” With a title taken from the de Saint-Exupéry children’s book, Gua’s series featured miniature, handcrafted Prince dolls in various—often badass, always hilarious—vignettes. Some were old album

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CULTURE Quiz HEAD COUNT

?

Time to rev up your brain cells, folks. Take this official CULTURE quiz and test yourself to see how much you know about cannabis. For each question you answer correctly, give yourself 5 points.

conservative policies toward medical cannabis.

Deepak Chopra said it 4 Has is OK to use cannabis for

medicinal reasons?

cannabis compounds be the latest state to 5 Name 2 Can used to treat epilepsy? adopt MMJ laws?

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ANSWERS

or false? Israel has 3 True enacted very draconian and

1. Sadly, no.

2. Yes, many parents have reported significant results.

3. Absolutely false—quite the opposite, in fact.

4. Yes. 5. Massachusetts (Welcome aboard!).

1

?

Does Washington’s Initiative 502 allow home-growing of cannabis for personal use?

?

Now Rate Yourself: 5 points: A few classes at Oaksterdam University won’t even help you. 10 points: Are you even a patient? 15 points: Keep medicating. 20 points: Impressive. Almost ready for the big leagues. 25 points: What do you want—a prize?

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event listings Our picks for the coolest Mayaninspired end-of-the-world parties taking place on Dec. 21 End of the World Show

The apocalypse will be fought with the power of song, and nothing can kick it off like a battle of the bands. Ill Repute and J.F.A. will be the contenders.

Key Club, West Hollywood www.keyclub.com

CONTROL presents Araabmuzik and Baauer

Didn’t travel much before the end? Go local and get an exotic taste of culture at the Avalon. Try something new before it all turns to ashes.

Avalon, Los Angeles www.avalonhollywood.com

The PacMen at the Lake Alice Trading Company

Remember the good times . . . like the ’80s! This Downtown Riverside bar will have The PacMen (formerly known as ’80s Rewind) showcasing its big songs and big hair.

Lake Alice Trading Co., Riverside www.lakealicetradingco.com

Cirque du Soleil: Iris

Because no matter what happens, it will look positively normal compared to whatever this mind- (and body-) bending night has to offer.

The Dolby Theatre, Los Angeles www.cirquedusoleil.com

Universal CityWalk Tree Lighting

Feel that holiday warmth and glow one last time, before it gets replaced by some kind of radiation.

Universal CityWalk, Los Angeles www.citywalkhollywood.com

Wayans Brothers in concert

If you’re old enough to remember In Living Color (oh—remember The Fly Girls?), then you’ll recall the sketch comedy show from the ’90s that put Shawn and Marlon Wayans front-andcenter for laughs. They’ll be doing the same this night (as well as Saturday and Sunday—maybe).

Improv, Ontario www.ontario.improv.com

Stanley Kubrick at LACMA

Enjoy an in-depth look at classic cinema as created by one of the most meticulous directors in history. The last thing you’ll see before the end may be Jack Nicholson screaming, “Here’s Johnny!” It’s how we’d like to go.

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Ziggy Marley’s influence starts with his music, continues through humanitarianism and it’s clear there is no end in sight. As a multi-dimensional social activist and artist, the son of legendary Bob Marley will continue exceeding expectations with the worldwide release of his new live album, Ziggy Marley in Concert, on Jan. 15 (exclusively on iTunes Dec. 18). This album showcases the diversity of Marley’s many different messages of change, including his 2011 Grammy-nominated Wild and Free where Marley shares his dreams of seeing “hemp fields forever growing wild and free.” Also known as the mastermind behind new comic book hero Marijuanaman, Marley is upfront about his beliefs that cannabis is natural, good for the body temple and should be legal. The world-renowned artist is so against using unnatural products that he sells a GMO-free line that includes hemp seed snacks and his Coco’Mon coconut oils. On a path to healing the world through peace, love and an antiwar attitude— Ziggy cannot stress enough that God’s green plant can be part of the cure. (Jamie Solis) c

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Mike Tyson—the heavyweight boxing legend who two years ago said his “biggest regret” was not smoking cannabis with Tupac Shakur before the rapper died—is hitting the road. No, not literally. The retired athlete who was inducted into the Boxing Hall of Fame last year recently announced a national tour for his one-man show Mike Tyson: Undisputed Truth. Directed by Spike Lee, Undisputed is an autobiographical monologue by Tyson recounting his life’s tumultuous and epic life and career. Undisputed has SoCal dates scheduled for the City National Grove of Anaheim on March 6 and The Pantages Theatre in L.A. March 8. c

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Chuck Shepherd

News of the

Weird LEAD STORY—FINE POINTS OF FLORIDA GAMBLING LAW

; In October, state alcohol agents, assisted by local police in full riot gear, pointing their weapons, raided a bar in Largo, Fla., to shut down the latest gathering of the venerable Nutz Poker League, even though its players do not wager. (They meet at bars and restaurants, where management gives winners token gifts in exchange for the increased business.) A prosecutor told the Tampa Bay Times that Florida law defines illegal “gambling” as any game that permits players to win

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something—even if they don’t have to “ante up.” The raid (during which players were ordered to keep their hands where the officers could see them) came after a months-long undercover investigation.

DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

; No Do-Overs: By 2009, James Washington believed he had gotten away with a 1995 murder, but then he had a heart attack, and on his deathbed, in a fit of remorse, he confessed to a confidant. (“I have to get something off my conscience,” he told a guard in

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the jailhouse where he was serving time for a lesser, unrelated offense.) However, Washington miraculously recovered from the heart attack and tried to take back his confession, but prosecutors in Nashville, Tenn., were unfazed.

They used it to augment the sparse evidence from 1995, and in October 2012 the now-healthier Washington was convicted of the murder and sentenced to 51 more years in prison.

RECURRING THEMES

; Among the most creative illegal behaviors are those of clever smugglers—or immigrants trying to enter a country illegally. In September, two Moroccans tried to smuggle a Guinean man into Spain at the Melilla border in north Morocco by disguising him as a Renault car seat. One Moroccan drove, with the passenger perched on a seat in which the foam had been removed to make room for the Guinean. A police spokesman called the attempt “novel.” ; India’s notorious bureaucracy records deaths particularly ineptly,

to the advantage of men seeking an alternative to divorce. They find it easier merely to swear out a death certificate on one wife so they can marry another, but that means the first wife will face years, and maybe decades, of campaigning to convince officials that she is not dead. BBC News chronicled the plight of Ms. Asharfi Devi, now 64, in September as she was finally declared “alive” after being deserted by her husband at age 23 and ruled dead at age 40. After Devi finally earned a hearing and brought relatives and evidence to the village council, deliberations took eight more months. Notwithstanding the ruling, the husband stuck to his story. ; Puzzingly, adults continue to accidentally ingest improbable objects, often seemingly unaware of what they did. Lee Gardner, 40, of Barnsley, England, swallowed a plastic fork 10 years ago, but said he “forgot” about it until violent stomach pains forced him to the hospital in August. And British student Georgie Smith, 19, became the latest person to

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accidentally swallow a regularsized toothbrush (though the first doctor she consulted told her he couldn’t spot any “toothbrush” on an X-ray). (With kids, the phenomenon is more understandable.

Sinus-suffering Isaak Lasson, 6, of Salt Lake City was finally diagnosed in August to have accidentally stuck a Lego piece up his nose three years ago, and Hector Flores Jr., 7, of New York City, was found in October to have swallowed the whistle mechanism of a plastic duck, causing him to tweet when he laughed.) ; Again this year, a serial drowning made the news (where one jumps in to rescue another, and a third is needed to rescue the first two, and a fourth, and none survives.) In Ulster, Northern Ireland, in September, rugby player Nevin Spence, along with his brother and father, died in a slurry tank on the family’s farm, and their sister, who also attempted a rescue, was hospitalized. Officials said they could not determine the order in which the men entered the pit until the sister was well enough to talk.

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; Darren Hieber, 33, became the most recent person to choose drastic means to reconcile with an ex. Twice Hieber, of Onawa, Iowa, arranged to have himself shot in order to win his ex-wife’s sympathy. The first hit man shot Hieber in the leg, but the wife still ignored him, and a second job was arranged in March, with two different shooters, but that failed, also. Adding to his frustration, Hieber was sentenced to 10 years in prison in August because it is illegal in Iowa to have yourself shot.

UPDATES

; Former U.S. Sen. Larry Craig of Idaho, who made the “wide stance” famous when he explained his alleged, notorious restroom encounter with another man in June 2007, has been sued by the Federal Election Commission because he used $217,000 in campaign donations to fund his legal defense to the resulting indecent exposure charges.

Craig pointed out that visiting the restroom (irrespective of any alleged activities there) occurred during the ordinary course of

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Senate travel and thus that he was entitled to spend campaign funds. ; Jonathan Lee Riches, perhaps America’s most prolific quixotic litigator (chronicled in News of the Weird for his lawsuits against, among others, George W. Bush, Charlie Sheen, Kanye West, Steve Jobs and—for luggage theft—Tiger Woods), was likely the person named “Naomi Riches” who filed a $3 billion October lawsuit in Pennsylvania against the acquitted childmurder suspect Casey Anthony, whom Naomi said had conspired with TV personality Nancy Grace to poison Naomi’s water supply. Anthony had also allegedly threatened to stab Naomi in the left eye as a symbol of the Illuminati conspiracy.

(Judge David Baker quickly dismissed the lawsuit.) ; Two FBI agents, providing a backstory to “underwear bomber” Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab’s Christmas-time 2009 attempt to bring down an airliner in Detroit, said they believe the man accustomed himself to the tricked-out scivvies beforehand by wearing

them full-time for the three weeks leading up to his flight (except for bathing). The agents, speaking to Detroit’s WXYZ-TV in September, suggested that the excessive wearing might have ruined the detonation mechanism. ; Oops, My Bad: Hattiesburg, Miss., dentist Michael West has for years been a well-compensated, prosecution-friendly “expert” witness who claimed he could match bite marks on victims’ bodies to bite patterns of whichever defendant the prosecutor wanted convicted. In “dozens” of cases, according to an Associated Press report, he helped persuade judges and jurors that his analysis was just as solid as fingerprint identification. (Other forensic experts regularly ridiculed West’s “science.”) In August, the Clarion-Ledger of Jackson, Miss., uncovered a 2011 deposition in which West finally admitted that his bite-mark analysis should not have been used in court cases.

It is not yet known how many defendants’ trials were tainted by West’s testimony.

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PEOPLE DIFFERENT FROM US

; Update: Briton Stephen Gough’s rap sheet includes 18 convictions for failure to wear clothes in public. He has spent the last six years almost continuously in prison because, usually, each time he is released, he immediately shucks his clothes as he walks out the gate (and whenever arrested, he strips during court appearances). He was released in October from his most recent incarceration, in Edinburgh, Scotland, and authorities were puzzled how to proceed since Gough (aka “the naked rambler”) appears maniacally committed to the clothes-free lifestyle. A BBC News profile suggests that Scotland may simply send him back to England and hope he stays.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

; Recurring Themes: (1) Jamel Wilson, 18, in Knoxville, Tenn., became the most recent hapless carjacker forced to abort his gunpoint heist after discovering the car was a stick shift, which he could not drive. He fled on foot but was arrested minutes later. (2) David Weber, 53, was arrested in Miami Beach in September, minutes after allegedly stealing items from a locked car, including a credit card. Police were called when Weber tried to use the card at a nearby bar and learned to his dismay that the card belonged to the bartender.

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

; Rookie Mistakes: (1) Arthur Bundrage, 28, was arrested in Syracuse, N.Y., in October after he returned to the Alliance Bank— which he had just robbed minutes earlier—because he discovered that the employee had given him less than the $20,000 his demand note ordered. Officers arrived to find Bundrage standing by the front doors, trying to get back in.

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and were about to drive off. However, the store manager rushed out and, noticing the truck’s unfastened back door, reached in and pulled the sofas out, leaving the men to drive away empty-handed. The sequence was captured on surveillance video, leading store owner Mark Kypta to liken it to “something out of a Benny Hill film.”

READERS’ CHOICE

; (1) Maria Pestrikoff, whose home is on a 60-foot cliff near Kodiak, Alaska, was rescued in September after she accidentally fell off while text-messaging a friend. (2) The remains of a 70-year-old hog farmer were found on his property near Riverton, Ore., in September, and authorities said, based on the condition of his body, that his hogs had gotten to him before he got to them. ; (3) In October, a 2-foot-long shark fell from the sky and landed near the 12th tee at the San Juan Hills Golf Club in San Juan Capistrano, Calif. A security guard saw the incident, and an attendant placed the shark in a bucket of water (with some salt) and drove it four miles to the Pacific Ocean. (Best guess among observers: An osprey or peregrine falcon had snatched it from the ocean but eventually lost its grip.) (4) In October, a major fire mysteriously started inside Red Lion Liquors (in, coincidentally, Burnsville, Minn.).

Since nothing spark-producing was found, fire officials guessed that sunlight, magnified through vodka bottles, had ignited surrounding paper signs, and the heat eventually pressured the vodka bottles’ tops to burst, exacerbating the flames. Firefighters, even, appeared amazed, with one quoted as saying, “This is so cool!”

GOVERNMENT IN ACTION

; Among the federally funded projects highlighted in the “2012 Waste Book” of U.S. Sen. Tom Coburn were a $325,000 grant to develop a “robosquirrel” (to help study the somehowconfusing interaction between V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m

squirrels and rattlesnakes) and a $700,000 grant by the National Science Foundation for a New York theater company to create a musical about climate change and biodiversity (which actually opened this year, in Kansas City, and included among its concepts, according to one critic, “flying monkey poop”). Abuses of the food stamp program were also detailed, such as by one exotic dancer who, while earning $85,000, drew food stamps in an amount roughly equivalent to the sum she spent on “cosmetic enhancements.” ; While the Department of Veterans Affairs remains under criticism for inadequate funding for personnel disabled in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, it spent in 2010 more than $5 million on training conferences just to teach bureaucrats how to administer parts of its latest collective-bargaining contract, according to an October report in the Washington Examiner. In fact, reported the Examiner, $34 million in payroll goes to depart-

ment officials who work mainly on union-related activities.

GREAT ART!

; “I wanted to create a selfportrait that was completely stripped of . . . visual prejudice,” said Polish-born New York artist Martynka Wawrzyniak, who thus chose the medium of “smell” for her gallery showing in New York City (running through mid-November). For starters, she “scientifically extracted” her hair oils, armpit perspiration and tears (to protest humans’ cloaking themselves in deodorant soaps and laundry powders), and blasted visitors with whiffs of it as they entered the gallery. ; Because We Can: The Tate Liverpool museum in England was host on Oct. 19 to artist Kerry Morrison’s Bird Sheet music project in which she laid down a giant blank musical score sheet under a tree and waited for birds to make “deposits” on it, which she took to represent “notes” that composer Jon Hering plans to play straight, as the “sound” of the blackbirds.

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