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departments
22
Bob Speaks!
Pop culture icon Kevin Smith dishes on his secret to staying organized. On the Cover: Photo by Ben Leuner/AMC
6 Letter from the Editor Our federal government is wrong . . . but not always. 8 News Nuggets Cannabis makes headlines here, there, everywhere—and we give you the scoop—PLUS our latest By the Numbers. 18 Strain & Edible Reviews Our ever-popular sampling of amazing strains and edibles currently provided by your friendly neighborhood dispensary. 19 Legal Corner Attorney Denise Pollicella gives you the ins and outs of outdoor growing. 26 Destination Unknown It’s wet, it’s wild—welcome to the playground for the rich and beautiful: Uruguay’s Punta del Este. 27 Profiles in Courage Our latest feature provides insight into the life—and struggle—of a medical cannabis patient near you. 28 Cool Stuff From a Waffle-Making Typewriter to Vans x Metallica Signature Shoes, if it’s a cutting-edge product or cool lifestyle gear, we’re all over it.
features 12 Welcome Intervention Wyoming bans MMJ—the ACLU isn’t gonna take that lying down. 14 Awesome Octo Yoko Ono is still going strong—at age 80! 16 Totally Technical This time, Dillinger Escape Plan had more freedom to be creative.
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30 Recipes Spring has sprung—and so will this light and refreshing menu inspired by Mother Nature’s greenest season. 32 Shooting Gallery Here are the green-friendly things we saw you doing around town. 34 Entertainment Reviews The latest films, books, music and more that define our culture.
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letter from the editor
Vol 4 IssUE 11
CULTURE Publisher
Jeremy Zachary
GET YOUR CLICK HERE
www.iReadCulture.com
Roberto C. Hernandez Editor-In-Chief
A
Study in
Contradiction
Editor-in-Chief
Roberto C. Hernandez
Arts & Entertainment Editor Evan Senn
Editorial Contributors
Dennis Argenzia, Omar Aziz, Ashley Bennett, Jake Browne, David Burton, Michael Carlos, Grace Cayosa, Jasen T. Davis, Alex Distefano, David Downs, Carolina Duque, Charmie Gholson, Michael Gifford, James P. Gray, Lillian Isley, David Jenison, Liquid Todd, Kevin Longrie, Meital Manzuri, Sandra Moriarty, Damian Nassiri, Keller O’Malley, Denise Pollicella, Paul Rogers, Lanny Swerdlow, Arrissia Owen, Simon Weedn
Photographers
Steve Baker, Kristopher Christensen, Michael Gifford, John Gilhooley, Amanda Holguin, Khai Le, David Elliot Lewis, Mark Malijan, Patrick Roddie, Rick Thompson
Interns
Joe Martone, Derek Obregon
Cannabis has no medicinal value. Cannabis has medicinal value. Which one of these statements is true? Ask someone who has studied cannabis and you’ll get a pretty clearcut answer: the chemical compounds of the cannabis plant offer a whole host of health benefits. It does have medicinal value. But ask some of the narcocrats running the federal government— say the Drug Enforcement Administration, the White House, etc.—and you’ll get the same ol‘ party line, ripped straight from the pages of the Controlled Substances Act: “no currently accepted medical use in treatment in the United States.” And yet . . . and yet . . . our own federal government contradicts itself. Yes, the same government that tells us cannabis cannot be used as medicine is the same government that provides hundreds of pre-rolled joints to the four surviving participants of its Compassionate Investigational New Drug Program—a program that’s been in place since the 1970s and was specifically set up to provide Americans with government-grown cannabis to treat a medical disorder. When President Obama was interviewed by Barbara Walters last year, all he could lamely say when asked
about legalizing cannabis is stuff like: “this is a tough problem” and “there are a number of issues that need to be considered.” Meanwhile, as patients suffer through life, seek relief and clamor for access to a plant that grows naturally, there are other folks who spend their time sharing and dispensing the truth. Just ask the National Cancer Institute or the National Institutes of Health, and these agencies will talk to you about cannabis’ “direct antitumor effect” or about the patients who were able to “obtain relief” for their cancer or neuropathic pain . . . thanks to cannabis-derived medicine. Talk to the National Center for Biotechnology Information or the National Library of Science and they’ll share with you info about how “moderate marijuana use is associated” with reducing the risk of cancer. Did I mention that these last four organizations I just mentioned are part of the federal government? The same government that says the exact opposite? So if our own government can’t make up its mind—who can patients turn to and trust with factual, relevant, propaganda-free information about medical cannabis? You’re holding it in your hands right now, my friends. Enjoy this issue. c
Art Director
Steven Myrdahl
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Culture® Magazine is published every month and distributes 25,000 papers at over 500 locations throughout Michigan. No articles, illustrations, photographs, or other matter within may be reproduced without written permission. Culture® Magazine is a registered trademark of Southland Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. 700 S. Main St. | #119-124 Lapeer | Michigan | 48446 Phone 888.694.2046 | Fax 951.284.2596 www.iREADCULTURE.com
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applications over a 15-day review period.
Thousands converge for the 42nd annual Hash Bash celebration
Approximately 3,000 people attended last month’s Hash Bash, according to multiple media sources. The 42nd annual celebration of all things cannabis—which takes place annually at the U of Michigan Diag—attracted a variety of speakers, including state Rep. Jeff Irwin (D-Ann Arbor), who told attendees he has pledged to fight for statewide legalization. “Make sure you pick up the phone, write an email and encourage your friends to do the same,” Irwin told the Hash Bash New rules, changes just kicked in for MMJ patients crowd. Additional speakers included and physicians Michigan’s MMJ laws have been Colorado activist Mason Tvert, reformist Tim Beck and others. revised for the first time since The rally was followed by 2008, according to radio station the also-traditional Monroe WHTC. Street Fair, which provided Doctors are under the heaviest scrutiny under the new food vendors, live music and other attractions. Hash Bash is addendums. They must review considered the largest promedical history and current conditions in person, create new cannabis rally in the country. The records under the new standards, event began at what organizers referred to as “high noon.” conduct consistent follow-up appointments with patients and notify other patients’ physicians Bone Thugs-N-Harmony about the care and use of all member joins Flint cannabis medicines. dispensary for “Phifty In addition, a panel will be Caliber Kush” created to define and redefine A member of hip-hop group what conditions qualify for MMJ Bone Thugs-N-Harmony is treatment. It will be composed teaming up with an access point of patients, caregivers and a majority of licensed physicians. All cannabis meds must be kept in a container in a trunk during transport, MMJ cards are now valid for two years and cards can only be obtained with a valid Michigan state driver’s license or ID, the new rules say. The Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affairs (LARA) can now approve or deny
THE STATE
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in Flint to cultivate and distribute a new strain of medical cannabis, The Detroit News reports. Grammy-winning rapper Stanley “Flesh-N-Bone” Howse will join forces with The Green Oasis to work on “Phifty Caliber Kush,” picked for its “floral taste” and effective pain relief. Anthony Butler, who owns the Flint-based dispensary, called the new strain “the best of the best.”
THE NATION Attorney General: Massachusetts towns and cities cannot enact MMJ bans
Cities and towns in Massachusetts cannot enact bans on MMJ dispensaries, according to a decision from the office of Massachusetts Attorney General Martha Coakley, according to 90.9 WBUR. Such a ban—Coakley’s decision read—would “frustrate the purpose” of the medical cannabis law—Question 3— voters approved last November. Cities, however, are permitted to enact zoning bylines and other dispensary regulations, according to Assistant Attorney General Margaret Hurley. Hurley said Massachusetts’ MMJ law “could not be served if a municipality could prohibit treatment centers within its borders, for if
one municipality could do so, presumably all could do so.”
Oregon introduces new medical cannabis regulations
Oregon’s largely unregulated medical cannabis industry could be facing some changes. State lawmakers have proposed HB 3460, a bill that aims to regulate surplus MMJ as well as ensuring that qualified patients can receive the medicinal plant. This bill also requires a background check for business owners, as well as documentation of how much MMJ a facility receives and from which state-registered grower they get it from. If passed, HB 3460 would also require MMJ outlets to test their cannabis products for impurities.
Maryland Gov. Martin O’Malley says he is likely to approve cannabis “research centers” Maryland might become the next compassionate state.
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State lawmakers last month approved a bill that would allow MMJ programs to set up shop at participating medical research centers in the state, USA Today reports. Gov. Martin O’Malley has said he expects to sign the bill into law. The programs are not expected to be operational until 2016. A participating medical research center would be required to specify the types of conditions it would treat and the criteria by which patients would be allowed to participate. The center would provide all patient and caregiver data to the state health department. The department could make this data available to law enforcement. State Delegate Dan Morhaim told USA Today that Sinai Hospital in Baltimore and John Hopkins have expressed an interest in participating or are considering it. “Maryland has taken a small step in the right direction, but more steps are necessary for patients to actually obtain the medicine they need to alleviate their suffering,” Amanda Reiman, a policy manager for the Drug Policy Alliance, said in a statement.
THE WORLD UK researcher: Crime and drug use do not increase because of cannabis reform
Foes of cannabis—who claim that there is a distinct link between cannabis use and crime—have no friend in UK criminologist Alex Stevens. The criminology professor recently refuted several media reports claiming that reducing penalties for cannabis possession has led to increases in drug use, crime and health problems. Saying such statements are unfounded and based on faulty data, among other things, Stevens says cannabis use and crime actually decreased since the plant was reclassified in 2004 by the government as a less dangerous substance. Steven cited the British Crime Survey—which estimated crime fell by 17 percent since 2004—and the “Survey of Smoking, Drinking and Drug Use Among Young People in England,” to back up his conclusions.
by the numbers to a once-proposed Wyoming regulation: 12 (Source: mLive.com).
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The percentage of Americans who say cannabis should be legalized: 52 (Source: Pew Research Center).
1
The total number of MMJ applications that were denied by the state Department of Licensing and Regulatory Affair (LARA): 33,747 (Source: LARA).
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The percentage of Americans who say cannabis should remain illegal: 45 (Source: Pew Research Center).
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The percentage of Americans who supported legalization in 1969: 12 (Source: Gallup Poll).
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The estimated number of cannabis users in Uruguay: 150,000 (Source: Bloomberg BusinessWeek).
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The monthly cannabis “ration” (in grams) that a Uruguayan 18 years+ could register for from the federal government: 30 (Source: Bloomberg BusinessWeek).
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The estimated number of people who attended last month’s Hash Bash: 3,000 (Source: Detroit Free Press).
The estimated dollar amount (in billions) that legal cannabis sales will generate this year in the U.S.: 1.5 (Source: The Huffington Post).
The number of people who were arrested for cannabis possession at the Hash Bash: 13 (Source: Detroit Free Press).
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The percentage of lawmakers who approved changes to the Michigan Medical Marihuana Act that kicked in April 1: 75 (Source: Crain’s Detroit Business).
The maximum number of plants that one caregiver per parcel could grow, according
The percentage of Americans who were pro-legalization in 1991: 17 (Source: Christian Science Monitor). The percentage of Americans who were against legalization in 1991: 78 (Source: Christian Science Monitor).
The estimated dollar amount (in billions) that legal cannabis sales will generate by 2018: 6 (Source: The Huffington Post).
Vampire Weekend There’s something special about Vampire Weekend that has fans paying homage to its musical genius. First entering the music scene in 2006, Vampire Weekend brought indie rock a fresh, punk sound that had fans of all ages humming the tunes of “Holiday,”“A-Punk” and “Oxford Comma” in no time. While its name may be all the rage, don’t attribute the band’s fame to the fading obsession with the Twilight Saga—although you’ll catch their song “Jonathan Low” on the soundtrack of the third Twilight Saga film Eclipse. These guys are an international success because their music provides an upbeat soundtrack to the lives of their fans. Their catchy tunes are paired with a preppy image that we just love. Following the much anticipated release of its new album, Modern Vampires of the City, Vampire Weekend will be performing hits—new and old—here at The Fillmore Detroit. Don’t worry— they’re not here to suck your blood, but they might just make you dance.
IF YOU GO
What: Vampire Weekend in concert. When/Where: May 17 at The Fillmore Detroit, 2115 Woodward St., Detroit. Info: Tickets $33.50-46. Go to thefillmoredetroit.com for more info.
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FLASH
Act in Accordance? John Ter Beek and ACLU take a stand against WYOMING’S ban {By Charmie Gholson} Do Michigan cities have the legal right to ban Michigan’s Medical Marihuana Act? Is the Act superseded by federal law, which completely bans cultivation, possession, use and distribution of the plant? On April 3, the Michigan Supreme Court agreed to hear an appeal filed by the city of Wyoming, near Grand Rapids, and consider both the legality of a city’s zoning ordinance that prohibits the use, manufacture or cultivation of medical cannabis, and “whether the MMMA is subject to
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federal preemption by the federal Controlled Substances Act (CSA), on either impossibility or obstacle conflict preemption grounds.” This means the highest court in the state will finally rule on whether which law Michigan follows—the state’s MMJ law, or complete prohibition of cannabis in every instance. After Michigan passed our Medical Marihuana Act, John Ter Beek grew a few marijuana plants for himself in the basement of his home in Wyoming to treat his back pain and diabetes. Ter Beek, a re-
tired attorney and former Godfrey Lee Board of Education member, is a state qualified MMJ patient. It was at this time—right after the Act took effect—that “moratoriums” on medical cannabis began sprouting up across the state. Some cities did more than put a “let’s wait and see” hold on MMJ implementation in their communities. In December 2009, the city of Livonia was the first in Michigan to pass an outright ban on medical cannabis. They prohibited “enterprises or purposes that are contrary to state, federal or local laws.” Police Chief Stevenson said he brought the issue to the Mayors attention after conversations with the Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA), alleging violence, burglaries, shootings and murders at dispensaries. Livonia was the first to implement the ban, but by November 2010, 19 Michigan municipalities had adopted the ban, 35 had placed moratoriums, and 21 permitted the Act with regulations. In December 2010, against the advice of their city attorney, Wyoming city council also passed a medical cannabis ban just six days after the American Civil Liberties Union filed suit against the cities of Birmingham, Livonia and Bloomfield Hills for prohibiting the Act in their communities. When Michigan’s Court of Appeals struck down Wyoming’s ordinance banning medical cannabis, supporters of the voterapproved MMJ law called it a huge victory. Dan Korobkin is an attorney with the ACLU. He argued the case on behalf of Ter Beek. “Once Michigan makes that decision it’s a decision the whole state has to abide by. You can’t have little cities and townships going around making their own rules when the state law is clear,” Korobkin says. “The voters of Michigan wanted to make it clear that if you are using medical marijuana in compliance with this law you can’t be punished,” he says. The court agrees; as long as patients are abiding by state laws, local unit of government cannot punish them. The judges say the
Motor City
Detroit is known as Motor City to most Americans, but why? Existing as the “Car Capital of the World” since 1896, the reputation started when Henry Ford built his first car in Detroit. It was the method of building cars that he would later devise—the moving assembly line—that put the world on wheels for real. It’s where the US auto industry flourished. Henry Ford (and several other automobile companies) opened automobile-manufacturing factories in Detroit. Henry Ford offered and paid extraordinarily high wages (in that time) to any and all workers. People flocked to Detroit with and without their families to work for Mr. Ford. Other well known automobile companies in Detroit are Chrysler, General Motors, and American Motors. The city of Detroit is still where the majority of North American cars are made. state law does not conflict with the federal controlled substances act. Any violations of that act are up to the federal government to prosecute, not the local governments. In the suit, Ter Beek alleges the City Council’s decision tramples the rights of state voters who approved medical cannabis at the polls in 2008, that the decision violates the second article of the state constitution, which guarantees citizens’ right to pass an initiative that amends state law, and that the city’s ban is vague and overly broad “The city of Wyoming’s action in prohibiting private grow facilities within the privacy of a medical marijuana patient’s home is illegal pursuant to constitutional law and unjust alike,” Ter Beek claims in his suit. c
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BUZZ
This year has been a milestone for artist and visionary Yoko Ono. Not only did the pop icon celebrate her 80th birthday just a couple of months ago, she has also achieved success in the realm of album charts with a new single burning up the clubs. Not bad for an octogenarian(!) “Hold Me,” a single from Ono’s ongoing remix series recently jumped to No. 3 on the Billboard Hot Dance/Club Play chart. Co-written and produced by the Grammy-nominated. But the activist’s work and efforts on various artistic, political and social causes (she and John Lennon rallied for women’s rights and prison reform, for example) go back decades—and even included cannabis rights at one point. When poet and activist John Sinclair was arrested for minor possession (giving two joints to undercover cops) in Michigan, Ono and Lennon performed at a 1971 “Freedom Rally” as a show of support. c
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TUNES
Killer
Music The Dillinger Escape Plan returns to school the metal masses
ON STAGE
{By Alex Distefano} a rabid fan base, built through relentless touring over the past 15 years and five studio albums of some of the most genre-bending, mind-altering, über-technical “metal” the world has ever heard. While definitely heavy, the band’s sound isn’t easily categorized. Though many have attempted
Say What?
With an eagerly anticipated album out this month, The Dillinger Escape Plan has an entire year and a half of sold-out touring ahead itself, according to vocalist Greg Puciato. “This is the first time in almost 10 years that we’ve recorded a record back to back with the same lineup and that made a huge difference for us as a band,” Puciato says of new album One Of Us Is The Killer. “When you have to get a new member, you have to teach them everything from scratch. This time around we had more freedom to be creative, and nothing to do between tours except to write music with [people] we already knew that were in the band.” The Dillinger Escape Plan— also featuring founding member/ guitarist Ben Weinman, bassist Liam Wilson, drummer Billy Rymer and guitarist James Love—has
“The only thing pot does for me is it gets me to stop thinking. Sometimes I have a brain that needs to be turned off. Some people are just better high.” —Justin Timberlake
to label the band, Puciato merely says his band’s discography pivots around an insane amount of precision, passion and insanity/ intensity that go into every one of Dillinger Escape Plan’s live shows. The band is also scheduled to participate in Revolver Magazine’s Golden Gods Awards, a metal awards show, and will perform along with Stone Sour, Anthrax, Metallica and other heavy acts. “Last year we were nominated and won—which was a surprise,” Puciato says. “We’re playing this show because it’s a cool opportunity to get in front of a more metal audience again. We’ve never played with Slayer or done Ozzfest or [Rockstar Energy Drink] Mayhem [Festival]. And I feel like the traditional metal crowd knows the least about us. That’s kinda funny, since we’re considered a metal band but never spent much time catering
May 5 at The Intersection in Grand Rapids, and Music + More in Detroit. to that tag. In fact, we ran against it deliberately so we would never get stuck because you never know—10 years ago we might want to sound like Portishead.” In June, The Dillinger Escape plan is scheduled to perform at the Orion Music + More festival in Detroit, which features Metallica, Deftones and other marquee bands. “Playing with Metallica is something I thought of as a kid,” Puciato says. “It was the end-all be-all at that time of my life . . . We’ve been doing this for many years now but we’re still humble and stoked to share the stage with Metallica.” c www.dillingerescapeplan.org
Green Letter Date
Talk about perfect timing. The Dillinger Escape Plan is exhausted from their nearly perfect performance at the three-day New England Metal & Hardcore Festival, which took place on (wait for it) April 20. With that date in mind—plus a lineup that included Opeth, Katatonia, Terror, Hatebreed, Suicidal Tendencies, DRI, Shadows Fall, Anthrax, Municipal Waste and Exodus—frontman Greg Puciato admitted more than one member of the band was thoroughly satisfied with that day, and that performance. “We couldn’t be happier to play this year; there were so many great metal bands all three days. Ten years ago we used to do a lot of metal shows like that then we tried to break out of that to avoid getting pigeonholed into being that type of metal band. But now it feels good to go back to play for those crowds again.”
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strain & edible reviews GET YOUR CLICK HERE
www.iReadCulture.com
Captain Kirk’s Jolly Hashers 34 mg of THC is a lot of medicine, so I broke this little gem into pieces and dropped one into my coffee first thing in the morning. That was a great idea. In fact, I had one of the best mornings I can remember. My headache, muscle spasms, anxiety and pain were deleted. Everything was humming. I kept up that dosage too, eating a piece or dropping it into tea or coffee about every two hours. This transparent, very tasty butterscotch candy has bits of hash inside that push right up through the top. Found only at Ann Arbor Health Collective and Depot Town Dispensary in Ypsilanti, and tested by Iron Labs, The Captain said he uses hybrid sativa and indica strains, and clearly labels them as such. The only problem I found with using this medicine was that eventually, it was all gone.
Chem 91 The bud isn’t too dry but rather “popcorn dry,” so it resumes its shape when squished. It’s sticky enough to make grinding a task. This is amazing stuff. Chem 91 has Skunk #1 and Chemdawg parents. The little tight buds sport dark green leaves, dark orange pistils and trichomes aplenty. The smell is strong, and squeezing the bud fills the room with a deep skunky and pine-lemony spray. Chem 91 is an excellent and interesting sativa that lifted my spirits and energy level. It smokes smooth in both a glass water pipe and twisted up in paper, and it tastes just like it smells. The effect is supreme, really. Right away everything brightens, lightens. Very powerful stuff—very energizing. About 10 minutes later, that effect and some pain relief moves down into the body. Found at Your Choice Meds in Montrose, this is good for anxiety, nausea, muscle spasms and stress.
Sour Diesel I know people who only grow and use Sour Diesel. They’re not zealots, exactly, but when I showed some this sample, an animated discussion followed about what they called “foxtail” development of the bud. This Sour Diesel from Depot Town in Ypsilanti looks fine to me: teensy, independent, light and dark green nubs coated in crystals that reach to the stem, with stout orange pistils. Smells great too. A light hint of fuel with light pine, orange and pungent. While the smart guys talked, I smoked. Rolled in paper, the taste was not particularly strong, and had a bit of a sweet aftertaste. This Sour D had a creeper effect though, and gave me both an uplifting and creative, heady effect and massive body relief for pain. Vaping made the sour taste even stronger. Good for arthritis, anxiety, nausea, migraines, PMS and chronic pain.
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By Denise Pollicella, Esq.
Say What?
legal corner
“I don’t consider [cannabis] to be any worse than having a beer.” —James Franco
April Showers Bring May . . . OG Kush? Ah, spring has sprung at last in the Great Lakes State. If you’re like most Michiganders just out of hibernation, you’re anxious to get outside and plant your first garden. But this year, “outdoor gardening” has a whole new meaning. Just last month, HB 4851 took effect, and the dream of lawfully cultivating outdoors became reality. Sort of. While allowing a plant to grow outside seems commonsensical in such an agricultural state, we must presume we will see the same aggressive law enforcement we have seen since 2008. Unfortunately, MMJ advocates, government officials and law enforcement have never managed to interpret the cannabis law with any consistency, and the uninformed or cavalier are likely to end up caught in one of the many new traps available to the outdoor grower. So, before you go tossing some Chemdawg seeds off your back patio, familiarize yourself with the rules.
First, there’s the law itself, which says cannabis grown outdoors must be locked, enclosed on all sides, anchored to the ground and accessible only to a patient or caregiver, not visible from an adjacent property when viewed at ground level or from a permanent structure, and on property owned or leased by the caregiver or patient. I paraphrased here, and I recommend you read the actual language, which is on the third page of HB4851 and can be found at www.legislature.michigan.gov. Second are the local zoning ordinances. Although a municipality cannot outright prohibit a patient from growing medical cannabis, zoning codes—which generally allow cities to restrict where and when its residents do certain things—are the perfect place to suffocate MMJ cultivation. One problem is restricting the number of plants under home-based business codes. The main problems, however, are likely to be permitting what amounts to a new permanent structure in your back yard, and the as-yet-undefined requirement that cannabis cannot be visible
when viewed from a permanent structure. Does this mean that if your neighbor can see your grow from their second-story window, you are breaking the law? A few of you unlucky people will likely end up as test cases for this one. Then there’s your homeowners association document. Unless you live in a rural area, you are likely to be subject to strict rules adopted that prohibit everything from fences to pole barns. And finally, let’s not forget the best things about growing outside: everyone will know about it. sticky-fingered teenagers, nosy neighbors and HEMP flyovers. Call me pessimistic, but between the sticky-fingered teenagers, the nosy neighbors and the HEMP flyovers, I think it’s just a matter of who is going to steal them first— the jerks with badges or the jerks without the badges. Hey, I like the smell of fresh cut grass as much as the next person. But just in case that next person means Kentucky Blue instead of Permafrost or Ace of Spaces, please do your homework lest you end up in hot water instead of the pool. c
Denise Pollicella, founder of Cannabis Attorneys of Mid-Michigan and a graduate of Wayne State University Law School, practices corporate law, business transactions and medical marihuana law in Livingston County. She can be reached via email at dpbusinesslaw@yahoo.com.
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Being Blunt
On the Screen Jay & Silent Bob’s Super Groovy Cartoon Movie screening May 21 at the Royal Oak Music Theatre in Royal Oak.
Filmmaker and cannabis icon Kevin Smith dishes about why he converted to the cannabis cause by David Jenison
If Hollywood horror movies taught us anything, it’s don’t bully the wrong kid if don’t want him to slash everyone to bits at the high school reunion. Enter Kevin Smith, the indie filmmaker who got a seat at the Hollywood table but not on a Southwest airplane. The indie icon plans to retire the director’s chair in 2014, but he’s basically donned a hockey mask for his current slate of podcasts and live events. He humorously trashes Bruce Willis, Tim Burton, Jon Peters and others he worked with, and God help the person who admits too much, like the assistant who said Prince shops for his clothes in the boys department. His regular podcasts include “Hollywood Babble-On” and “Jay and Silent Bob Get Old,” and his classic Q&A events are often released on DVD. Many of his films are stoner classics, but if he gets his wish to make Clerks 3, it will actual be his first comedy movie as a regular cannabis user. Naturally, this interview begins with Smith’s late-age conversion.
You did not become a regular cannabis user until Seth Rogen got you into it at age 38. This begs the question, what references did you use for your stoner characters and dialogue? What a great question because, in looking back, the present me wants to call out twentysomething-year-old Kevin Smith as a f@#kin’ fraud. “You don’t know what you are talking about, man!” When I watch those movies now and hear the references to weed and stoner culture, it is clearly written by somebody who thought, “I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I’ve heard these words.” Now I would re-write it a bit different, and those flicks would spend a lot more time talking about weed. There would always be this moment when someone soliloquies like Linus talking about Jesus in A Charlie Brown Christmas, but in this instance, the soliloquy would be about weed and how good it is and how everyone should get off its back. Thank God I didn’t have that much education [on weed], or we would have spent a lot more time dealing with it back in the day. As far as references, a lot of it was just guesswork, and some was based on stuff [Jason] Mewes would say during his brief tenure as a stoner before moving on to heavier stuff. I based the character of Jay on who he was at age 16 or 17. That was Mewes as a crazy force of nature. There was a panel in this
old Dennis the Menace cartoon book where the neighbor Mr. Wilson saw Dennis walk by and said, “There goes that Mitchell kid. He’s like a sonic boom with dirt on it.” I loved that, and I always remembered it, so whenever I heard of Mewes, I was like, “There he goes. He’s a sonic boom with dirt on it.” I lost the thread of the question. What were we talking about again? What references you used for your stoner characters. Oh God, we got so far-flung from that. Basically, it was the Jason Mewes of my youth. I remember everything he would say. Your brain freezes things that it recognizes as currency, and you cannot spend it because you don’t know it yourself. Whenever I heard something, I was like, “I’m going to pack that away. This is inside information. This is one of those stoners, and he knows the terminology.” It was like having an insight into a
“Naturally, [cannabis] should not just be for people who are terminal cases. It should be for anybody.”
culture that I wasn’t a part of, but it was definitely a young, 16-year-old Jason Mewes who fully informed all my marijuana references in those movies, even up to the ones later in life. By Clerks 2, I still wasn’t a stoner. Was I? No, I did Zack and Miri [Make a Porno] after that. Do you believe in the legitimacy of medical marijuana use? Oh, hands down, absolutely, in terms of the physical comfort, in terms of inducing appetite in those who don’t have. Set aside the physical medicinal, the psychological medicinal you cannot discount. What it can do for somebody, where it can take them, and I’m not just talking about, “Hey man, it’ll take you on a whacky high journey.” Think about the people for whom medical marijuana is usually recommended, and you are talking about extreme cases. I don’t think I’ve encountered anything in my life that has made me more okay with the notion that one day I’m going to pass from this world than marijuana. If someone is going through something medically traumatic or facing down their end, heavens, [give them] anything that is going to make the transition easy. Naturally, it should not just be for people who are terminal cases. It should be for anybody. It rearranges your mind. At least it did for me. For years, people fed me the same propaganda that you’ll smoke weed and sit there on MAY 2013 • CULTURE 23
the couch and just watch movies, but for me, it is a great organizer. How does cannabis make you more organized? If you think about the brain as a series of folders that you keep creating, weed for me is like a program that puts them all in order alphabetically and allows you to prioritize what is important. That is how I’ve been able to spin so many plates the last few years. My medicinal problem is that I have problems sleeping, and if that is doing it for somebody who has mild medicinal needs like myself, imagine what it can do for people who have absolute medicinal need. Instead of filling them with yet another synthetic narcotic put together chemically in a lab . . . I don’t want to get all stoner on ya, but there is a reason it just grows naturally. It doesn’t have to be produced. It’s not like, “It can only grow in a certain place.” I think nature is always trying to take care of us, and it provides at all given times. We have cannabinoid receptors in the brain, which don’t have many other uses. It points to, I believe the idea that weed is something we are all naturally supposed to be ingesting. Of course, it has a cultural stigma, but that seems to be slowly sliding away. Tell me about the Q&A events you do around the country. I grew up listening to comics. My father worked at the post office, and he would bring home all these comedy records. He said he bought them from a friend who sold them out of his trunk at lunchtime, but I bet my old man took a few from the Colombia Records Club as they came through the mail. I love comedians, and I have too much respect for what they do to ever consider myself in the same league. Those cats have a real job, and I’m a carpetbagger. I just consider myself, “Oh, I made those movies and answer questions about them,” but the podcasts and live stuff enable me to be more like a comic. I am able to be more observational and tell more 24 CULTURE • MAY 2013
“I believe the idea that “cannabis” is something we are all naturally supposed to be ingesting. Of course, it has a cultural stigma, but that seems to be slowly sliding away.” stories, like, “When I was working on the Prince documentary . . .” You really take it to celebrities in these events. Is the idea to let people see what happens behind the curtain in Hollywood? Yeah, totally. You should pull back the curtain. When I started doing the Q&As, I always felt I needed to answer questions the way I would have wanted them answered. I have been to a few panels and Q&As, and nobody wants to dish. For me, I would want to know details. I would want to know who is an asshole and who is not. You also have “Hollywood Babble-On” with Ralph Garman, which features segments like Movies That Will Suck. How do you pick which segments you do each week? Ralph is definitely the author of “Hollywood Babble-On,” and I’m the guy who sits there and reacts. The content changes every week based on the news, of course, but we hit all the favorite bits. I know he swapped out Creepy Clown for doing the Green Lantern oath
through a variety of different voices and characters. You can totally expect David Bowie, and I’ll be grabbing my own boobs and trying to suck them, as per usual. Do you think Clerks 3 will happen? I’m happy to do the movie. I love these characters, and I built my entire adult life—in the imaginary world, in the real world—on the backs of Dante and Randal. I have stories to tell, and I have one that closes it all up. Jeff Anderson, who plays Randal, absolutely has to signoff and jump onboard. He is Randal. It’s not like you can just recast him, and why would
Too Fat to Fly
What’s the price of cheap airfare? Apparently, harassment and discrimination. Smith was removed from a flight after being judged that he was too obese to fly safely, though Southwest tried to justify this with contradictory (and privacy violating) statements. Smith dubbed them “The Greyhound of the Air” and has not flown with them since.
you want to? It is a journey that a few of us have taken together over the last 20 years. That would be me, Jason Mewes, Jeff Anderson, Brian O’Halloran, Scott Mosier and David Klein. If I can keep that core together, I have something special to begin with, but I couldn’t imagine doing it without Jeff. His whole thing is, “I didn’t want to do the second one, and then we did it, and I liked it a lot. But for the same reason I didn’t want to do the second one, and now at the crossroads of the third, why do we need to do it? Is there a need to tell the story?” I guess he is our Jiminy Cricket who keeps us honest. We are hopefully slowly cruising toward a 2014 start and finish, so I essentially have a year to convince him. The story is good. The story will convince him once he reads it—hopefully, hopefully—but I have a backup plan. Russians don’t take a dump without a backup plan, as they told us in The Hunt for Red October, so you always got to have something to back you up. 2014 is the 20th anniversary of Clerks, and we’re going to mark it in some way. Hopefully it will be with a movie, but if not, it will be with something else. c www.facebook.com/ YesThatKevinSmith, seesmod. com/groovymovie V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m
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destination unknown
Czech Vantage
Point
Uruguay’s Punta del Este offers travelers South Beach-style sights and soundtracks “If you want to get wild on the beach, the place to come is Punta del Este,” said actress Natalia Cigliuti in a 2001 Wild On E! episode showcasing Uruguay’s top destination. That year, LeBron James played for the Fighting Irish, the first Harry Potter debuted in theaters and Shaggy topped the music charts (twice), while Punta del Este’s international draw was primarily from Buenos Aires and south Brazil. The crowds were wild and wealthy, but it was media outlets like E! that took the town global. A dozen years later, North American and European jetsetters join the Punta crowds for a party that’s sexier, ritzier and more exclusive than ever. “It is a playground for rich and goodlooking people,” says Tamie Sheffield, a world traveler who brokers tickets to select Playboy Mansion parties. “Punta was just for South Americans before, but now it’s worldwide. If you happen to be ‘in the know,’ the villa parties are absolutely insane.”
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Punta del Este is a South Beach-style city that sits on a peninsula, but the designation typically refers to a stretch of coastline extending 20 miles northeast to Jose Ignacio. Along the way, La Barra is a Hamptons-meets-Ibiza town whose famed Bikini Beach overflows with perfectly bronzed Brazilian and Argentine women and self-important men trying desperately to meet them. DJs spin house music on the sand to provide a daytime soundtrack, and when the clock strikes midnight, meticulously groomed crowds flock to the local clubs. Punta’s fame clearly stems from its glitterati-packed nightlife and unfairly blessed bodies because the local beaches are solidly mediocre. Still, the scene goes bonkers from mid-December to early March, and to quote the Lonely Planet travel guide, “Tan it, wax it, buff it” before even considering a visit. With an underwhelming beach, Punta sounds like a hotspot with a limited shelf life, but its enduring legacy is diverse and multi-generational. Brigitte Bardot, the
By David Jenison
Rat Pack and Che “Freakin‘” Guevara were all early fans, and more recent visitors include Bob Dylan, Madonna, Robert De Niro, Simon Le Bon and Leonardo DiCaprio. Colombian singer Shakira rocks a ranch in Punta, and Naomi Campbell and Gisele Bundchen are rumored to have vacation homes. The travel press now calls it the “St. Tropez of South America,” though there are drawbacks to a crowd that admires Kim Kardashian more than Exene Cervenka. Punta del Este, for some, sounds more hellish than shelling out $17 to see Schwarzenegger in The Last Stand. Rented sports cars, yacht-packed marinas and the $100-million Trump Tower construction all feel faker than that rug sitting atop ol‘ Donald’s dome. Still, CULTURE readers who disdain the “scene” may soon have another reason to visit. By the year’s end, Uruguay is likely to become the first country to legalize cannabis. Uruguayan president Jose Mujica is the leading proponent for a new law that would allow citizens to purchase, possess and/or grow established legal amounts. The 77-year-old leader, who donates 90 percent of his salary to charity, believes that cannabis prohibition enriches organized crime, promotes violence and drains the state coffers, and the government launched a three-month public forum on April 4 to educate its citizens. Proactive ideas include a National Cannabis Institute that directs the income from sales into education and health. The proposed law only applies to citizens, so Amsterdam-style “coffee shops” may not emerge, but it is a symbolic step for a continent weary of ineffective U.S. drug war tactics. In the meantime, cannabis is readily available in Punta del Este, and discreet smokers are typically left alone.
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profiles in courage Patient: Jakki H
AGE: 32
Condition/ Illness:
Neurofibromatosis Type 1
Using medical cannabis since: 2003
Are you an MMJ patient from Michigan with a compelling story to tell? If so, we want to hear from you. Email your name, contact information and details about your experiences with medical cannabis to courage@ireadculture.com.
Why did you start using medical cannabis?
I started using medical cannabis because of my NF1, which is a tumor disorder that causes tumors to grow along the nervous system. My disease is very painful and unpredictable, my neurofibromas range in size and location on my body. I have had eight surgeries to remove countless tumors throughout my body; from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet—some weighing as much as 8 pounds.
Did you try other methods or treatments before cannabis?
I have always had chronic pain, and for years had been misdiagnosed. I have been given pretty much every pharmaceutical for pain—from patches, to shots, to pills . . . I have found healthier ways to ingest my medicine, such as vaporizing with my Extreme Q or eating my favorite edibles like the Peanut Butter Swirl Trikom Treats I eat to relieve my pain and relax my nerves in a safe, healthy and delicious way.
What’s the most important issue or problem facing medical cannabis patients?
I believe that, unfortunately, most people are ignorant to all the benefits of this plant, and if their only source of information is a media that refers to medical cannabis as “pot” or “weed” and the medical edibles I eat—like Trikom Treats—as “pot laced” brownies and not seriously as medicine, it is unlikely anyone will give this wonderful plant the chance and credit it deserves.
What do you say to folks who are skeptical about cannabis as medicine?
First I mention [that] I understand their reservations and then share my story with them about how it has completely helped me cope in a natural way with the pain I experience daily. c
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cool stuff Waffle-Making Typewriter Typewriters may be retro . . . but waffles never go out of style! Enter Chris Dimino’s Waffle-Making Typewriter— made with the body of an actual Smith-Corona Coronamatic typewriter. It started off as a one-off and will soon be mass-produced. Would you like some maple syrup to go with your QWERTY? www.chrisdimino.com
Sena Bluetooth Bluetooth headsets are a safe bet when it comes to keeping in touch on the road. Now motorcycle enthusiasts have something that works for their lifestyle in the form of this Sena Bluetooth Headset that allows hands-free phone use and a built-in FM tuner. You can even keep in touch with other riders with a built-in intercom system. ($239) www.senabluetooth.com
Vans x Metallica Signature Shoes Be the master of your feet with this shoe collab brought to you by Vans and Metallica. These kicks here were inspired by bassist Robert Trujillo and his easy-going, hard-rockin‘ lifestyle. ($80) www.vans.com/metallica.
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Sandy Moriarty is the author of Aunt’ Sandy’s Medical Marijuana Cookbook: Comfort Food for Body & Mind and a Professor of Culinary Arts at Oaksterdam University. She is also the co-founder of Oaksterdam’s Bakery.
Menu: Whether spring brings us sunshine or snow, it’s always a good time to celebrate the season that reminds us of nature’s fabulous powers of renewal and rebirth. To ease us away from winter’s grip, we’ve come up with this light, refreshing menu. Season’s greetings.
By Aunt Sandy
Soupe a l’Oignon (French Onion Soup) Sweet Tea Apple Crisp
Sweet Tea
4 bags of your favorite tea 1 quart of water 1/4 cup Cannabis Infused Simple Syrup Ice cubes Spring of mint, lemon wedge, etc. as garnish Combine water and your favorite tea bags in a glass jar. Cover and refrigerate overnight. Remove the tea bags and add Syrup. Serve over ice cubes. Garnish with mint, a lemon wedge . . . or Infused Rum.
Apple Crisp
Serves eight 1 1/2 lbs. (about 5 cups) yellow onion, thinly sliced 3 tablespoons Canna Butter 1 tablespoon Cannabis Infused Oil 1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon sugar 3 tablespoons flour 2 quarts of boiling brown stock (or canned beef bouillon) 1/2 cup dry white wine, cognac or dry sherry Salt and pepper to taste
Cook onions slowly over low hear in a heavy bottom, 4-quart covered saucepan with the Butter and Oil for 15 minutes. Uncover, raise heat to medium and stir in salt and sugar (it helps the onions to brown). Cook for 45 minutes, stirring frequently, until onions have turned an even, deep golden brown. Sprinkle in the flour and stir for three minutes. Turn off the heat and blend in the boiling stock (or bouillon). Add the wine, and season to taste with salt and pepper. Simmer partially covered for 45 minutes. Set aside uncovered until ready to serve. Then reheat to simmer. 30 CULTURE • MAY 2013
Serves eight 4 cups sliced tart apples 2 tablespoon lemon juice 1/2 cup all-purpose flour 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/4 cup Canna Butter 1/2 tablespoon salt 1 tablespoon cinnamon Vanilla ice cream (optional) Bake in an ovenproof dish that you can serve at the table. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Pare, core and slice apples into a 9-inch pie pan or dish and add lemon juice. Work the flour, brown sugar, Butter, salt and cinnamon with a pastry blender or with your finger tips. The mixture must be worked so that it does not become oily. Spread these crumbly ingredients over the apples. Bake for 30 minutes. Serve hot or cold and garnish with a scoop of vanilla ice cream if desired. Legal Disclaimer
Publishers of this publication are not making any representations with respect to the safety or legality of the use of medical marijuana. The recipes listed here are for general entertainment purposes only, and are intended for use only where medical marijuana is not a violation of state law. Edibles can vary in potency while a consumers’ weight, metabolism and eating habits may affect effectiveness and safety. Ingredient management is important when cooking with cannabis for proper dosage. Please consume responsibly and check with your doctor before consumption to make sure that it is safe to do so.
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For our complete recipes go to ireadculture.com.
Soupe a l’Oignon (French Onion Soup)
MAY 2013 • CULTURE 31
Shooting Gallery iREADCULTURE.com GET YOUR HITS HERE
42nd Annual Hash Bash (Photos by Rick Thompson)
32 CULTURE • MAY 2013
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entertainment reviews She & Him Volume 3 Merge Records Hipster queen Zoey Deschanel, and neo-folkster/alt-country genius M. Ward have returned with their ensemble She & Him, to bring us their third installment of original and gorgeous material. Volume 3, much like their previous two albums, is a wonderful return to the glory days of classic, large-sounding pop records, like the Beach Boys’ Pet Sounds or any album that Phil Spector produced. Volume 3 also shows Ward and Deschanel evolving their sound to incorporate more contemporary influences and styles. The enveloping sonicsoundscapes of soaring string arrangements and swirling background vocals are still intact, along with vintage-toned guitars and basses. The record seems to be less of a tribute to their influences than previous efforts, and more of a distinctive vision for the duo that draws on classic stylings while creating something wholly unique. Volume 3 shows continued growth from She & Him and proves that the group is more than just a pair of famous names, but instead a songwriting and production duo of which to be in awe. (Simon Weedn)
Memoirs of Dennis Peron: How a Gay Hippy Outlaw Legalized Marijuana in Response to the AIDS Crisis By Dennis Peron & John Entwistle, Jr. Medical Use Publishing House Upon first impression, Dennis Peron comes off like a disrespected pothead, complaining about the way life has (mis)treated him at the start of his biography, Memoirs of Dennis Peron: How a Gay Hippy Outlaw Legalized Marijuana in Response to the AIDS Crisis. However, when this wide-ranging book eventually gets to the section where Peron fights for passage of California’s Proposition 215, the Compassionate Use Act of 1996, where marijuana is “legalized” as medicine— particularly to help heal the pain and suffering caused by the AIDS epidemic in Peron’s San Francisco hometown—his image is subtly transformed from that of a loser, into a true leader. This book is part biography, part marijuana legalization manifesto and Peron (with John Entwistle’s editorial help) sometimes cannot decide if he’s writing a political opinion piece or a life story. However, it’s difficult to blame Peron for his tendency to digress because political causes are his life story, so the book would be incomplete without these various activist elements. With these editing flaws aside though, this book nevertheless offers an essential historical snapshot of one peaceful warrior in America’s lengthy war on cannabis. (Dan MacIntosh)
Cloud Atlas Warner Bros. Siblings Lana and Andy Wachowski (The Matrix Trilogy) return, along with Tom Tykwer (The International, Run Lola Run), to direct what was thought to be an un-makeable film adaptation of bestselling novel Cloud Atlas. Along with an exquisite cast of stars including Tom Hanks, Halle Berry, Susan Sarandon and Hugh Grant, who take on a variety of rolls, the Wachowskis and Tykwer majestically weave together six unique stories that stretch across the fabric of time to show how the actions of an individual can ripple out to affect the actions of those in the future. In what can be best described as a period-piece meets folk-tale meets sci-fi action movie, the directors manage to create a film that is both lucid and well thought out. The only thing that can take a bit of getting used to is the narrative style, which jumps between periods and stories from time to time, without warning. However, for the viewer who can adjust to the unique storytelling, the reward is a gorgeous and epic tale, which not only dazzles the eyes, but also presents an interesting philosophy on human existence. For these reasons, Cloud Atlas is definitely not one to miss. (Simon Weedn) 34 CULTURE • MAY 2013
50th Annual East Lansing Art Festival Something about fresh spring air and blooming flowers can make you feel destined to brighten up your living space. Do you need a painting to compliment your mantelpiece? Maybe you’d like something bright for the boudoir? Perhaps you’re just in the mood to broaden your knowledge about the local art scene while distracting the kids with something more engaging than television . . . either way, The 50th Annual Easy Lansing Art Festival has everything you need spend quality time while checking out the latest and greatest in the art scene. Magnificent works from over 200 artists overwhelm the streets of downtown East Lansing, creating a glorious backdrop for your shopping day. Check out the multimedia of numerous local artists or stop by the intriguing exhibit that demonstrates the age and maturity of this award-winning event—it showcases the last 50 years of this festival’s promotional posters. Expect much more than just an art show; the weekend will be filled with live performances including The Appleseed Collective, Flatfoot and Big Willy, as well as interactive crafts for the children and plenty of tasty treats. You will come for the art, but leave satisfied with happy children, fine craftsmanship and an overall warm experience.
IF YOU GO
What: 50th Annual East Lansing Art Festival. When/Where: May 18 thru May 19 at Downtown streets of East Lansing. Info: Free. Go to www.elartfest. com for more info.
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let’s do this Our picks for the coolest things to do around town Pairing Great Brands Wine Tasting Experience, May 3
Bo Burnham, May 12
Soul 70’s Super Jam, May 4
Peter Murphy, May 15
You want the funk? Gotta have that funk? Okay, we’ll give up the funk but you have to go to the Fox Theater to get it. This classic retro event will have The O’Jays, The Whispers, The Stylistics and The Enchantment under one roof for one night. Groovy. Fox Theater, Detroit olympiaentertainment.com
Every genre has a history, and you can trace goth music back to Peter Murphy. The deep voiced, deeply poetic performer has been hailed as the “godfather of Goth” for a reason, and has been an enduring act for over 35 years. So it worries us a little that he’s still getting DUIs. Come on Peter, you’re better than that. Magic Stick, Detroit majesticdetroit.com
Michigan International Women’s Show, thru May 5
The Cascades 2013, May 24
In vino veritas, so be prepared for a whole lot of honesty. The Wright Museum is hosting a tasting with a selection across the globe. Californian, South African, French, Italian flavors and more will be offered to whet your palate. Charles H. Wright Museum of African American History, Detroit thewright.org
What do women want? The question has plagued philosophers for ages. Does this exhibition of cuisine, culture, empowered women and male dancers hold the answer? Probably not, but it looks like a lot of fun. This three-day event has something for, and is a worthy day out. Suburban Collection Showplace, Novi southernshows.com/wde
With a good comedian, it’s safe to assume that nothing is off limits. With Bo Burnham, not only is anything up for laughs but there is an incredibly good chance he will pull up a piano and sing a beautiful song that absolutely destroys the subject matter in the funniest way possible. Burnham is leagues apart from his contemporaries, and is without question the best thing to come out of YouTube. Royal Oak Music Theatre, Royal Oak royaloakmusictheatre.com
While something about the Cascades may be a little tourist-y, there’s an undeniable beauty about it all. This time around they are pulling out all the stops about giving you a water display you’ll never forget. Enjoy the dynamic and stunning tricks the falls have to show and remind yourself why you love the city. Sparks Foundation County Park, Jackson co.jackson.mi.us
SPANK! The Fifty Shades Parody, thru May 5
Memorial Weekend Stock Car Races, May 24-25
Paramore, May 10
Van Gogh’s Bedroom in Arles, thru May 29
These pop-rock punks may not be huge hitmakers as of late, but the band still plays on and better than ever. Paramore exploded onto the scene six years ago with Crushcrushcrush and Misery Business and have challenged modern standards of genre. See them while you can. The Fillmore, Detroit thefillmoredetroit.com
Sometimes, something beautiful will make its way to Detroit. This time, it’s a piece of art. Vincent Van Gogh recreated his own living space while coping with severe anxiety and depression that culminated in his suicide two years later. Still, he is without a doubt one the greatest painters ever, transforming his pain into something beyond beauty than you can see for yourself. Detroit Institute of Arts dia.org
Motor City Brew Tours Brewery Bus Tour, May 11
Swing Ann Arbor, thru May 29
Over-the-top romance novels have never been funnier, especially when they’re ripe for parody. This musical comedy tackles that madness of the best selling erotic trilogy by letting it speak for itself. This is a kinky-crazy night out that will have you in the aisles with laughter. City Theatre, Detroit spankshow.com
Every once in a while, you owe it to yourself to go out and get drunk during the day. We don’t blame you. But rather than debate and designate a driver to slog through the fun, let these guys cover you. Go around town in a huge bus and drink until you can’t feel anything. It’s like a mini-holiday. 514 S. Lafayette Avenue, Royal Oak (bus pickup) motorcitybrewtours.com 36 CULTURE • MAY 2013
Love a good race? Not going to see NASCAR anytime soon? If you said “yes” to both of those, we have a more local solution for you. Commemorate the holiday with a day at the races and see the local drivers duke it out for the win. We can hear the engines revving already . . . Tri-City Motor Speedway, Auburn tricityracetrack.com
It don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing. If you’ve noticed some of our other choices on this list, you’ll know that music has a way of bringing people together. Swing music seems to be especially prevalent in this, making a comeback for movers and shakers of all ages and level of experience. Let’s boogie. University of Michigan, Ann Arbor umich.edu/~swingaa V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m
Chuck Shepherd
News of the
Weird
LEAD STORY— UNDOCUMENTED LIVING
; Undocumented immigrant Jose Munoz, 25, believed himself an ideal candidate for President Obama’s 2012 safe-harbor initiative for illegal-entry children, in that he had been brought to the U.S. by his undocumented parents before age 16, had no criminal record and had graduated from high school (with honors, even). Since then, however, he had remained at home in Sheboygan, Wis., assisting his family, doing odd jobs and, admittedly, just playing video games and “vegging.” Living “in the shadows,” he found it almost impossible to prove the final legal criterion: that he had lived continuously in the U.S. since graduation (using government records, payroll sheets, utility bills, etc.). After initial failures to convince immigration officials, reported the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel in March, Munoz’s lawyer succeeded—by submitting Munoz’s Xbox Live records, documenting that his computer’s Wisconsin location had been accessing video games, day after day, for years.
GOVERNMENT IN ACTION!
; Among the lingering costs of U.S. wars are disability payments and compensation to veterans’ families, which can continue decades after hostilities end. An Associated Press analysis of federal payment records, released in March, even found two current recipients of Civil War benefits. Vietnam war payments are still about $22 billion a year, World War II, $5 billion, World War I, $20 million, and the 1898 SpanishAmerican war, about $1,700. ; Each year, Oklahoma is among
the states to receive $150,000 federal grants to operate small, isolated airfields (for Oklahoma, one in the southern part of the state is so seldom used that it is primarily a restroom stop for passing pilots). The payments are from a 13-year- old congressional fund for about 80 similar airfields (no traffic, no planes kept on site), described by a February Washington Post investigation as “ATM(s) shaped like (airports).” Congress no longer even requires that the annual grants be spent on the actual airports drawing the grants.
PERSPECTIVE
; Some Third-Worlders eat dirt because they are mentally ill or have no meaningful food. However, diners at Tokyo’s upscale Ne Quittez Pas eat it because it is a trendy dish prepared by prominent chef Toshio Tanabe. Among his courses are soil soup served with a flake of dirty truffle, soil sorbet and the “soil surprise” (a dirt-covered potato ball). (Spoiler alert: It has a truffle center.) Tanabe lightly precooks his dirt and runs it through a sieve to eliminate the crunchiness.
; From the Blotter: (1) Arlington County, Va., police reported in February that a resident of Carlin Springs Road told officers that someone entered her home and stole chicken from her simmering crock pot—but only the chicken, leaving the vegetables as they were. The report noted that they had no suspects. (2) Prison guard Alfredo Malespini III, 31, faces several charges in Bradford, Pa., resulting from a marital dispute in March, when, presumably to make a point, he tried to remove his wedding ring by shooting it off. (The ring remained in place; his finger was mangled.)
FETISHES ON PARADE
; Serving Pediphiles: In March, a 19-year-old New York University student described to the New York Post her one-night experience last year as a foot-fetish prostitute at a spa in which men paid a $100 entrance fee plus $20 for each 10 minutes of fondling and kissing young women’s feet. She said the men wore business suits, which they kept on the whole time, and that the dressed-up women had to
first pass a strict foot examination by the “pimp,” seeking candidates with the desired “high arches and small feet.” She guessed that more than two dozen men patronized the spa during her shift and that she earned $200, including tips.
READERS’ CHOICE
; In March, Jose Martinez pocketed an $8,000 settlement with California’s Disneyland after he was stranded on a broken It’s a Small World ride for a half-hour in 2009. Because Martinez is disabled, he could not easily be rescued and was forced, he said, to listen to the “It’s a Small World” song on an endless loop until help arrived. (2) A woman and her son doing yard work at their home in Texarkana, Texas, in March “cleverly” dealt with a menacing snake by dousing it with gasoline and setting it afire, but of course it slithered away— under brush next to their house. Moments later, according to an Associated Press dispatch, the home caught fire and burned down, and their neighbor’s house was heavily damaged.
POLICE REPORTS
; In some jurisdictions, a driver can be presumed impaired with a blood alcohol reading as low as .07 (and suggestively impaired at a reading below that), but according to a WMAQ-TV investigation in February, some suburban Chicago police forces allow officers to work with their own personal readings as high as .05. (While officers may be barred from driving at that level, they may not, by police union contract, face any discipline if they show up for work with a reading that high.) MAY 2013 • CULTURE 37
SNAIL MAIL: THERE’S AN APP FOR THAT
; Wait . . . What? A startup company in Austin, Texas, also serving San Francisco, promises to take its customers’ incoming U.S. mail three times a week, photograph it and deliver it back to the customers via mobile phone app, for $4.99 a month. The company, Outbox, provides some value-added services, removing the customer from junk-mail lists and paying bills. Still, Outbox’s unorthodox business model assumes that a growing number of people absolutely hate opening, filing or discarding pieces of paper. Co-founder Will Davis told CNN in February that at least he does not fear competition: “No one is crazy enough to do what we’re doing.”
OOPS!
; College basketball player Shanteona Keys makes free throws at a 78 percent rate for her career, but on Feb. 16, she weakly shanked one of those 15-foot shots, causing it to thud to the floor about eight feet short of the rim—the worst collegiate free-throw attempt of all time, according to several sports commentators who viewed the video. Keys explained to Deadspin. com that she always brings the ball close to her face when she shoots, “and my fingernail got caught on my nose, so I couldn’t follow through correctly.” Her Georgia College (Milledgeville, Ga.) team lost to rival Columbus State, 70-60. -; Research Hurts: Between 2002 and 2010, according to the March BJU International (formerly British Journal of Urology), an estimated 17,600 patients came to U.S. hospital emergency rooms reporting genital injuries from trouser zippers (presumably by accident, but researchers took no position on that). Seven authors (six from University of California, San Francisco) took credit for the report, funded by a National Institutes of Health grant, and found that “zip” wounds were only about one-fifth of emergency penile injuries.
FAMILY VALUES
; Rachel Hope and Parker Williams, both apparently intel38 CULTURE • MAY 2013
ligent and attractive, decided to procreate and fully raise a child together—even though neither has romantic intentions toward the other. Their relationship is likened to a business one, according to a February New York Times profile, in which they do their respective biological duties, separately, and then each basically outsources half the subsequent child-rearing to the other. Said another parent in a similar relationship: “When you think about the concept of the village, and how the village was part of child-rearing for so many cultures . . . it makes total sense.”
THE CONTINUING CRISIS
; Professor Peter Froehlich, who teaches computer science classes at the highly competitive Johns Hopkins University, contractually grades “on a curve,” automatically marking the highest grade an A, with other grades trailing based on their proximity to the class’s best. One clever student tried to organize the entire class for December’s final exam, to persuade everyone to do no work at all— thus rendering the “highest” grade a zero, meaning an A for everyone. (Of course, if a single student broke ranks, everyone except that student would receive an absolute zero.) Fortunately for the students, according to InsideHigherEd. com, the class held together, and a shocked professor Froehlich nonetheless honored his contract, giving everyone an A (but subsequently closing the loophole). ; Thieves broke into the home of Earlie Johnson in Muskegon, Mich., in February and made off with several flat-screen TVs, but what really irked him was that they also stole his entire DVD pornography collection, consisting, he said, of the films of every African-American porn star since the 1970s. (“I’m not no scum bag guy, pervert, or nothing like that,” he told WZZM-TV. “I just thought it was cool to own my own porn collection. It keeps my relationship (with his fiancé) fresh and tight.”) As soon as the news of Johnson’s misfortune spread, several adult video companies donated DVDs to help restore the collection. V I S I T U S AT i R e a d C u l t u r e . c o m
MAY 2013 • CULTURE 39