BY RUTH CURRIE
To my favorite daughter, Caitlin God really outdid himself when he created you. What I wonder is, how did He think I would be a fitting mother to raise you? And now, before I hardly had time to collect my own wits, you are beginning a life of your own with your very own soul mate. There are many words that I could have chosen to create a marriage vocabulary. Simple as they are, these are the ones that came to my mind. In fact the way I see it, the simpler, the better.
P hoto C redits :
Belong mainly to your father, Jeffery Currie Although I actually took some of the photos, it is only due to his undying passion for capturing a moment in time and his unique eye on the world that inspires me to do the same.
MOTHER’S
ABCs f MARRIAGE
Florentine Opera Mask, Crown Road, NJ
A Acceptance
You are who you are. He is who he is. You were each attracted to each other. For better or for worse. With all your lumps, bumps and warts, accept each other for who you are.
Dingy Race, Old Saybrook, CT
B Believe
Believe in each other. Believing in someone is like putting wind in their sails. You’ll never know how far you can send someone else’s dreams, but believing in them and saying so, does so much to bolster their confidence.
Wall Climb, Hamilton, NJ
C Change
The phrase, “this too will pass� applies to marriage as well as children. Things change. Count on it. Jobs change, houses change, waistlines change and attitudes change. Change is good. It keeps things interesting.
“I’m, I’m so in love with you Whatever you want to do Is alright with me ‘Cause you make me feel, so brand new And I want to spend my life with you Me sayin’ since, baby, since we’ve been together Ooo, loving you forever Is what I need Let me, be the one you come running to I’ll never be untrue Ooo baby Let’s, let’s stay together Loving you whether, whether Times are good or bad, happy or sad” –R ev . A l G reen
D ___________
There is no “d” word in this marriage vocabulary. It’s not an option.
The Catch, Delray Beach, FL
E Excitement
What gets you and your spouse excited? Individually and collectively? Whatever it is, keep it going. Make sure you do something off the wall occasionally. You’ll never regret feeling your pulse.
“Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.” –J oan L unden
F Forgiveness
Let your spouse hear you say the words, “I forgive you,� after an apology and mean it. Practice forgiveness in your heart. Not just with your spouse, with all your family members. It will add years to your relationships.
Beach House, Abacos, Bahamas
G Graciousness
A house is just a house until a gracious hostess opens the door and makes it a joy to visit. An open, humble sharing of what you have is a hallmark of a thankful heart, giving part of what has been given to you.
Aunt Mary Jo’s Organic Peaches, Sandusky, OH
H Health
Help your spouse and children to stay on a healthy track. Everyone starts to develop their habits and vices. Gently instill healthy eating, adequate exercise and positive attitudes as a general well-balanced lifestyle.
Head at Grounds for Sculpture, Hamilton, NJ
I Ingenuity
Every couple has problems. If you don’t you’re dead. But putting two heads together to solve those problems creatively is a great step in forging your future together. Listen to each other’s ideas.
Exotic Flora, Miami, FL
J Joy
Joy is not happiness. Joy is the deep sense of satisfaction and well-being that is not based on your circumstances. Find the source of your joy, and work hard to protect it.
“I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good therefore that I can do or any kindness that I can show for any fellow creature, let me do it now. Let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.” –R alph W aldo E merson
K Kindness
“Be ye kind one to another.” It’s so simple, yet so hard to do. It is easy to slip into being bitter, to hold a grudge or have a bite in one’s tone of voice. Practice being kind. Practice being nice. It makes everyone’s life easier.
Monkey Jungle, Miami, FL
L Laughter
I know, it should be love, right? That’s a given. Love is the engine. Laughter is the grease for the wheels. It moves the marriage forward. Learn to laugh about things. Plan to laugh as often as possible.
The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money. – U nknown
M Money
More marriages are destroyed from differing views on money. How you spend it, save it and make it. Talk about it often. Be open to your spouses’ ideas and work together to build your dreams.
Door to the Unknown, Hamilton, NJ
N Never
Never say never. No one knows the future but God. “Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.� You can never be sure what he has in store for you and your family.
Rocky Woods, Niantic, CT
O Optimize
Recognize and build upon each other’s strengths. You’re both good at different things. Appreciate each other’s differences and you will be able to accomplish more in life....exponentially!
Be aware of wonder. Live a balanced life –live some and think some, and draw some and paint some, and sing and dance and play and work some, every day. – R obert F ulghum
P Play
Life gets serious real fast. Make sure to plan time to play. Put aside the “important� things often to do silly, fun things. It keeps you young. It keeps your mind fresh and gives you new perspectives.
Somewhere, Over the Rainbow, UNIVERSE
Q Quest
“To dream the impossible dream.” Help to feed each other’s dreams. No matter how small or how far off. If you can, share a dream together.
Miracle Acres, Sandusky, OH
R Rest
Learn to take moments, days and, yes, even weeks to reenergize. Studies show it, your mother told you and something in your very being tells you it is the logical, sensible thing to do. But will you do it?
Banyon Tree, Jupiter FL
S Support
What can you do to help your spouse, meeting unspoken needs that you alone recognize? Even the smallest gestures let your spouse know you understand and are there to provide stability.
“The greatest gift is a portion of thyself.” – R alph W aldo E merson
T Togetherness
Sounds obvious but you must guard your time to make sure you are doing something together on a regular basis. Could be the gym, going to church, watching a movie, going for a walk or even having a cup of coffee.
Tangled, Canal Towpath in Princeton, NJ
U Understanding
Say the words, “I understand” and mean them. Say them as often as possible. Rather than give advice, listen and try to put yourself in your spouse’s “moccasins” for gaining insight into their world.
Seagrass, Island Beach State Park, NJ
V Vacate
Leave the planet on a regular basis. Could be on a trip out of the country, to a nearby state or city or just time in a wide open space... a blue ocean, green pasture or starry sky.
“A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains.” – D utch P roverb
W Wait
Waiting is not easy. Being on the same time line is not a given in marriage. You could be going in the same direction, but not at the same pace. Remember you are “yoked� and be patient with your spouse.
You must remember this A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply As time goes by. And when two lovers woo They still say, “I love you.” On that you can rely No matter what the future brings As time goes by. Moonlight and love songs Never out of date. Hearts full of passion Jealousy and hate. Woman needs man And man must have his mate That no one can deny. It’s still the same old story A fight for love and glory A case of do or die. The world will always welcome lovers As time goes by. – H erman H upfeld
X X-rated
What you do behind closed doors is your own business.
Jupiter Lighthouse, Jupiter FL
Y Yearn
Strive for your own family values. The world will want to push you in many directions. Resolve early on what you believe so that you have a strong foundation upon which to raise your children.
Path to the Sea, Island Beach State Park, NJ
Z Zealous
Go for it with passion! Work hard to keep your marriage alive and well. Life and society can be hard on a couple. Statistics seem to be against marriage. Prove them wrong. It pays off in the end.
Is that all? Of course not. Life goes on. That’s all I could think of for now, in a nutshell. And I figured I had better get it down in writing now before I forgot it! PS. I love you! :) lol
Presented on March 20, 2010 Delray Beach, FL