C-VILLE Kids: Spring 2014

SPRING 2014

A FAMILY MAGAZINE FOR SMART PARENTS

SOUND THE ALARM A fire safety refresher

SPRING IT ON!

BABY MAKES TWO What a second kid means for your only child

SMART RIDE Five ‘mom car’ alternatives

C ha r l o t te sv i l l e ’s

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34

INSIDE KIDS 9 BEGINNINGS

Eschewing the “mom car,” a fire safety refresher, baby’s first bedroom, and more.

a child: performing my own Reba McEntire concert to her live album while Mimi napped in the next room, and spending afternoons “cooking,” which, when I was very young, mostly meant combining water and cornstarch in a mixing bowl and marveling at the gooey, sandy results. It was not a place where I often thought about my future (beyond my somewhat impropable

24 A DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD WORLD

BRIGHT AND EARLY My grandmother’s kitchen was of use to me for two purposes as

How fatherhood changes you.

aspirations to be a celebrated country singer).

That’s what I find so encouraging about the kids

in this issue—like Seamus Bartels (p.17), who’s working his way through international recipes

27 ON THE MOM FRONT

to learn how to cook and add an impressive extracurricular to his college applications; or Sadie

Wentz (p.46), whose responsibilities on the family farm will eventually pay for her education.

Why it’s best to fight up front; Introducing a new baby to your only child.

Each one of them (including the kids in our feature, p.34) is already so industrious, grasping the

34 FEATURE

practicalities of adulthood and planning accordingly.

We asked, they answered. As expected, kids says the darndest things.

Eventually, my high school newspaper

lit a path for me, so I abandoned my Grand Ole Opry dreams in favor of a more realistic pursuit,

46 KID’S BEST FRIEND

one that led me to this very magazine (and others). The point is, it’s never too early to start

looking ahead—while still maintaining some childish enthusiasm. For me, that means belting out

Sadie and her her flock of sheep.

“Fancy” every once in a while. It’s still one of the only uses I can find for my kitchen.—Caite White

On the cover: Four-year-old Tristan pulls along 15-year-old Charlie on a sunny afternoon in Somerset. Photo by ANDREA SHIREY, andreashirey.com

308 E. Main St. Charlottesville, VA 22902 434-817-2749 www.c-ville.com

C-VILLE Kids, a supplement to C-VILLE Weekly, is distributed all over Charlottesville and Albemarle County. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written permission of the publisher. Editor Giles Morris. Managing Editor Caitlin White. Writers Stephanie DeVaux, Shea Gibbs, Jessie Knadler, Katherine Ludwig, Paige Perriello, Jack Rice, Miller Murray Susen, Lynn Thorne. Copy Editor Susan Sorensen. Creative Director Bill LeSueur. Graphic Designers Max March, Sean Raynor, John Sacco. Account Executives Greg Allen, Brian Campbell, Katie Hartwell, Vertical Markets Bianca J. Johnson, Sara Snyder. Digital Business Development Manager Gabriel Rodriguez.

Manager Jason Smith. Advertising Assistant Morgan Mason. Publisher Aimee Atteberry. Chief Financial Officer Debbie Miller. Circulation Manager Miguel Coradine. Account Manager Randi Henr y. ©2014 C-VILLE Weekly.

C-VILLE Kids 5

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beginnings safety

Sound the alarm What you need to know about fire safety C-VILLE Kids 9

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install alarms free of charge in any city residence. Once the units are in place, Jones said to test the batteries once a month and replace them every time you change the clocks for daylight savings time. He suggested involving your kids in smoke alarm maintenance to make it an educational process.

Jones said parents should take a cue from schools and practice fire drills at home.

When a fire starts, most parents instinctively look for their children; if everyone knows how to react and where to go, the family will have a better chance of escaping. Make sure everyone is aware of multiple exit routes in case the primary route is blocked, and establish a permanent meeting place a safe distance away from the home. Jones said he’s shown his kids a way to get to their meeting spot through their bedroom window.

“Where are you more likely to have a fire?” Jones asked. “At school or at home?”

Technology has given us lots of gadgets that can be helpful in a fire, Jones said, and he would never discourage the use of laser smoke detectors or recordings of parents’ voices in place of standard fire alarms. But the best plan of attack is to prepare ahead of time and nail the basics.

“You can buy the best smoke alarm on the market, but if you don’t make sure it works, it isn’t going to help you,” Jones said.—Shea Gibbs

CHRISTIAN HOMMEL

n the wake of the January Keswick fire that took the lives of a woman and her two children in mid-January, Charlottesville Fire Department Batallion Chief Rich Jones said CFD’s goal is never to have another fire death in the area.

It’s a lofty aim, he admitted, but through education and preparedness, it could be a reality.

“The number one thing is you have to have working smoke alarms in your home,” Jones said. “You also want your kids to know how they work and what to do. A lot of families have smoke alarms, but they never discuss with their children what to do if they go off.”

A working smoke alarm increases your fire survival chances by more than 60 percent, according to Jones, and CFD will

beginnings: health

Buckle up What you need to know about car seat safety

Remembering the facts about car safety can be a daunting task. But keeping your child safe while riding in the car is one of the first and most important jobs that parents have.

Infants and toddlers should ride rear-facing until they’re 2 years old. This seat can be a rear-facing bucket seat or a convertible seat that can later change to be forward-facing.

Many parents ask what to do if their child’s legs touch the back of the car before they are two.

Crash tests support rear-facing carseats as the safest until 2

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years old, with leg injuries being very rare.

After 2 years old, toddlers should ride in a forward-facing carseat with a harness for as long as possible—until they reach the height and weight limits of the seat, or at a minimum until 4 years old.

Once a child meets the height and weight limits for the seat, he should use a booster seat until he is 4' 9" (about age 8 to 12 years old), or the seat belt in your vehicle fits appropriately across the shoulder and chest (off of the neck). An adult seatbelt fits properly if the lap belt fits snugly across the upper thighs (not the belly) and the shoulder strap lies across the mid chest and shoulder, not the neck or throat.

CONTINUED ON PAGE 13

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The middle of the backseat is usually the safest place to install your carseat. In the event of a side-impact crash, the risk of your child being badly injured is lessened. However, in some cars, it is difficult to make the seats fit tightly, in which case, the side is safer. Most new convertible carseats and new cars have the ability to use the LATCH system for extra security —and this system should be used whenever possible. If you aren’t sure how or where to install the carseat in your vehicle, many firestations have trained personnel to install the seat or check your installation job. (The closest child car seat inspection station is in Staunton.

Call (540) 332-3842 for more info.)

Don’t forget that the safest place for all children younger than 13 years old is the backseat.

Finally, check the dates on carseats—they can expire. And if the seat has been in a moderate or severe crash, it should no longer be used as safety cannot be guaranteed. If you have any questions about your carseat, your pediatrician is a great place to start.

Of course, don’t forget to model safety for your older children—buckle up every time you get in the car!—Paige Perriello Paige is a general pediatrician practicing at Pediatric Associates of Charlottesville. She is married, with two children.

2014 Subaru Forester

beginnings: buyer's guide

Mama ride

Five ways to break out of the ‘mom car’ rut Time for a mom car? If even the thought of a minivan has you imagining the smell of stale French fries, you’ve got options.

We talked to some area dealerships about their best-selling choices fit for a family on the go, and here are a few of their top picks.

Crossover 2014 Subaru Forester At a glance: Motor Trend voted Forester the 2014 Car of the Year.

2014 Hyundai Santa Fe

CONTINUED ON PAGE 15

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2014 Volvo XC70

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Price: Starts around $25,000.

How it fits your family: Seats five. Plenty of cargo space, and roof racks to take bikes or kayaks along for the ride. Oh, and it’s very pet friendly, with room for a “pretty good-sized dog cage in the back,” according to client manager Richard deButts, and miles per gallon between 24 and 30.

Jim Price Automotive 817-1881, jimpriceauto.com

Price: From $24,000 to the low $30ks, depending on how it’s outfitted.

Brown Automotive 984-8400, brownautos.com

SUV 2014 Hyundai Santa Fe At a glance: Rated the top overall best buy by Consumer Reports magazine.

How it fits your family: A choice of five or seven passenger seating, with seats that fold into the floor for more cargo space and 24mpg. And it’s stylin’. “People are getting these sleek lines in a car that doesn’t scream, ‘I overspent,’” according to Jim Price guest relations rep John Snow.

2014 Honda Accord

Family wagon 2014 Volvo XC70 At a glance: “We maintain the wagon can get it done.”

That’s what sales rep Joe Lombardo said about the long-standing favorite Volvo station wagon.

How it fits your family: Sitting lower and longer means easier loading of golf clubs and an easier time getting in and out of your driveway. It comfortably seats five. Allwheel drive gets you around no matter the weather, and the Volvo gets around 26 mpg.

Price: From the mid $30,000s up to the high $40,000s.

Volvo of Charlottesville, 295-4125, volvoofcharlottesville.com

Sedan 2014 Honda Accord At a glance: This full-size sedan fits five people comfortably with trunk space that

rivals Monticello’s entrance hall.

How it fits your family: Long known for safety, the newest Honda feature is a crash avoidance camera that gives you an audible warning if you’re coming up quick on stopped traffic. Plus it’s fuel efficient, with a low drag design and a gas rating of almost 40 miles per gallon.

Price: $22,000-23,000.

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Compact 2014 Hyundai Elantra At a glance: This is a compact car with mid-sized cargo capacity and space for a family of five, and a nearly unbeatable price tag.

How it fits your family: Great gas mileage (average of 32 city or highway driving) for about $17,000. “It gives people a nice vehicle at a price they can afford, without sacrificing comfort,” said Snow.

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beginnings: firsts

Karma’s a diva

A mother’s daughter steps into the footlights

S

JOHN J STOLL

ince my first role at the tender age of 8, when I played the pivotal character of Fourth Building Block in a production of The Velveteen Rabbit, I’ve been hooked on theater. It was my preoccupation all through my formative years: classes in winter, camps in summer, shows all year round. And although I majored in English, I joined student theater and a cappella groups in college because academic life would have been too bland without the spice of performing.

Most importantly, I made many of my best friends backstage. No matter how odd or awkward I felt, among theater types I was always on the spectrum. Ain’t no friends like the ones you make singing three-part harmony, doing each other’s eyeliner, running lines while lounging on the old couch in the green room, and getting loopy on one too many snitched Dr. Peppers (and, in college, one too many cups of cast party punch).

I’d be remiss if I didn’t recognize the supportive team that made this happy childhood in the theater possible, headed up by my dear mother. She sewed costumes, gave rides, ran lines, brought dinner, kept my schedule, applauded me enthusiastically, and, when necessary, dried my tears. She was remarkably stoic in the face of parenting the hyperdramatic emotional whirlwind that was (is) her oldest child.

And lucky for me, I have her good example to follow, because

Iris portrayed both Miranda Cratchit and The Ghost of Christmas Past in Four County Players’ production of A Christmas Carol last fall.

I’m currently playing Stage Mom to my own budding thespian.

I have only myself to blame. I aroused my daughter’s interest in theater by forcibly enrolling her in my Kids on Stage drama class at Live Arts so I wouldn’t have to pay a sitter. Seeing how much she actually enjoyed it, I signed her up for the musical theater summer day camp there too. And that went well, so I let her audition for A Christmas Carol when I was assistant directing it at Four County Players this past fall. Lo and behold, a confident audition yielded her a pair of interesting roles, The Ghost of Christmas Past and Miranda Cratchit.

Standing backstage each night awaiting her first entrance, whispering a few last-minute words of encouragement, and then paging the curtain while

she glided onstage are memories I will treasure.

However, with her successful audition for the musical Grey Gardens, we’re in new territory.

I’m involved in the project solely as her parent and superfan. She’s the youngest person in the cast, and everyone but the director was a virtual stranger to her before she started rehearsals. Leaving her all alone at the first read-through, sitting with a pale, brave face at a big table of grown-ups, was like the first day of kindergarten all over again. When she walked in the front door afterwards, flushed and smiling, I pounced.

Me: “HOW DID IT GO?” Daughter: “There were Oreos! I ate SIX!” Me: “Wow! O.K.! But HOW WAS THE READ-THROUGH?”

Daughter: “Great! (Pause.) I do NOT understand that play.”

Ah well, I played Pooh Bah in The Mikado around the same age —10-year-old white girl as male Asian baritone—and to this day I don’t understand the perambulations of that plot. She’ll be fiiine.

When Grey Gardens’ director called to say she wanted to cast my daughter, she followed up with, “I hope that’s O.K.” In my excitement, I couldn’t really figure out what she meant. I hung up and told my daughter the news and watched her dance around the house, whooping and shouting. Yeah!

I’d say it was O.K. with us!

But now that rehearsals are underway, I realize she meant, “I hope that’s O.K., because it’s going to be a lot of work for both of you.” And Mom, consider this my official thank you, because schedule-keeping and linesrunning and rides-giving is a lot of work, not to mention the emotional support actors need, especially young ones. But it really moves me to watch my daughter get so much pleasure and life experience from a discipline that has been so important to me. I can’t wait to see her take the stage opening night, executing all the lines and songs and dance moves she’s been so diligently practicing.

What goes around comes around, and Stage Mom is a role I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to play.—Miller Murray Susen Grey Gardens opens at Live Arts March 7. Visit livearts.org to learn more and buy tickets.

I have only myself to blame. I aroused my daughter’s interest in theater by forcibly enrolling her in my Kids on Stage drama class at Live Arts so I wouldn’t have to pay a sitter.

16 C-VILLE Kids

beginnings: education

Countries’ cookin’

GRAND CAVERNS

For Seamus Bartels, learning to cook is an international endeavor

“W

e may have bought the wrong kind of seaweed,” is not a typical statement you’d read in a blog from a 15-year-old, but Seamus Bartels takes his seafood seriously. The Charlottesville High School freshman blogs about his adventures preparing international recipes. His attempt at creating a seaweed with garlic and vinegar dish was his only bad experience so far.

“It was slimy to start with and I already had a bad feeling, but when I added the vinegar it was really rubbery,” Seamus said. “Other than that, South Korea has been one of my favorites.”

CHRISTIAN HOMMEL

Fifteen-year-old Seamus Bartels is learning to cook continent by continent.

The Charlottesville teen has always liked to cook, and recent travels to Italy and Portugal only fueled his love for international cuisine. He finds recipes at the library and decides what sounds like a good challenge. But he’s very methodical, cooking his way around the world, continent by continent. Currently focused on Asia, Seamus is looking forward to tackling Indonesia (“but it’s hard to find the right ingredients”) and he has his sights set on Japan before moving on to European cuisine.

“Doing this lets me explore different techniques,” he said.

“It’s so cool that one continent has so many styles of cooking!”

He’s keeping an online journal of his journey at internationalfoodsproject. blogspot.com. His blog is meant to share his experiences, obviously, but it also has a bigger mission: to help him get into college.

“How can I show a school that I have experience cooking when I don’t have a career behind it? This blog shows what I’ve done,” he said.

Seamus said his mom likes having help in the kitchen (“especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas”), and his brother and sisters are behind him.

“They try it sometimes.

Occasionally I get the ‘I don’t want fish, I hate fish,’ kind of comment,” he said. “Other than that, they’re pretty supportive.”—Lynn Thorne

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beginnings: decor

A room of one’s own Outfitting baby’s first bedroom We love the nursery of local photographer Andrea Hubbell’s son, Clyde. With an eye for design, she’s kept the room awash in soothing neutrals with vibrant accents and plenty of mid-century modern inspiration throughout. “The foundation of the room is white, gray, and wood,” Hubbell said. “That allows the bright colors that pop every now and then to not be overwhelming.”—Caite White

STRAIGHT TO THE SOURCE Chair: Monte Joya Rocker from Petit Bebe (244-9500); Crib: Oeuf from Petit Bebe; Vintage dresser: From Circa (295-5760); Mirror, wall shelves, cube shelves: IKEA; Art: Amy Sullivan prints from shopamysullivan.etsy.com; Frames: Metal frames from Great Graphics (979-4747); Ceiling light: George Nelson from Modernica (“Clyde loves this light. We joke that we should have just hung it over his crib instead of getting him a mobile,” Hubbell said.); Mobile: “Symphony in 3 Movements”

by Flensted from Amazon.com (“We love that it’s not super bulky in our small space.”)

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beginnings: wellness

Strategic storytelling UVA prof says parents can help children edit life’s narratives

W

“The technical term is ‘minimally sufficient rewards and punishments,’” Wilson said.

“You want to use just enough to get them to do it, but not enough to make them realize that’s why they are doing it. You don’t always get it right.”

If you do get it right, your kids will come away from the exercise with a story about intrinsic motivation. “I ate those peas because I like peas,” for example, instead of “I only ate those peas so I could get dessert after dinner.”

The hard part is finding the right motivators, Wilson admits.

He offers the example of the Pizza Hut Book It! Program, in which kids are treated to a personal pan pizza for completing a certain amount of reading. It’s been around for nearly 30 years, and there’s some evidence it’s been successful, but does it really bring about a love of reading?

Or are the kids just doing it for the pizza?

“I’ve seen some students give back their [Book It!] reward,” said Mia Shand, a fifth grade teacher at Agnor Hurt Elementary School. “Getting kids motivated to learn is about making a connection. If you respect them for their individuality, they can see that.”

CHRISTIAN HOMMEL

hat story do your kids tell themselves about why they do the things they do? It’s a question that’s critical for children’s wellbeing, according to UVA psychology professor Tim Wilson.

Wilson, a social psychologist, says people can improve their lives by controlling and editing their internal narrative. For example, if a new college student tanks his first exam, he can come to believe he isn’t college material, or he can decide he has the ability to succeed and simply needs to work harder.

Children too are constantly interpreting life’s events and inventing stories about why and how they happened. This is a central tenant of social psychology, according to Wilson, and not that controversial. Where things get a little more radical is in Wilson’s belief that parents can alter their kids’ storytelling in helpful ways.

UVA psychology prof Tim Wilson says parents can help alter their kids’ stories —even when it comes to eating veggies.

beginnings: keepsakes

Family style

Local photographer takes a fashion edge to portraiture

J

oel Codiamat has always had an interest in fashion (“It’s the reason I got into photography,” he said), but his take on family portraiture is giving him another opportunity to do what he loves: styling.

Codiamat started doing fashion photography when he first moved to Charlottesville four years ago, but this past year, he began fielding requests for something a bit different.

“More people I know were asking if I could style their family and photograph them with a fashion edge. Not the standard family portraiture,” he said.

Here’s how it works. Once you contact Codiamat, he’ll set up a meeting to get a sense of how grand you want to make the shoot and, based on that, he creates a storyboard with several concepts. Then he starts styling. Most of the clothes are borrowed 20 C-VILLE Kids

Shand has found computer games with immediate rewards like “badges” to be more effective motivators for many of her students. She figures she’s developed a handful of Civil War buffs through the game Minecraft.

But are the kids really buffs?

Once the game runs its course and the students have learned everything they can from Minecraft, will they seek more info on the Confederacy and Union?

“If they are given feedback based on how well they are doing, the research suggests it can be beneficial,” Wilson said.

“But it is a tricky business.

There is a danger that they may just enjoy learning about the topic in those contexts.”

Whatever the reward for a desired behavior, Wilson said it’s best for parents to go overthe-top at first. Once the behavior is in line, you can scale back.

Which means more peas, and less dessert.—Shea Gibbs

beginnings: activities

Spring into action Milli Joe Coffee and Gelato Poetry Writing Contest Coffee and creativity come together every Tuesday evening at this poetry writing contest for all ages.

The prompt will be announced at 6:30pm, giving participants one hour to finish their masterpieces before the reading begins at 7:30pm. Plus, winners get their names written on the wall (bragging rights!).

Tuesdays 6:308:30pm (February 25-May 20); 400 Preston Ave., 282-2659; Free Free Improv Mondays Channel your inner spontaneity with the Hamner Improv Troupe. Kids ages 8 and older will learn and practice the basics of improvisational acting. The sessions take place at either Crozet Arts

or Grace Episcopal Church. E-mail info @thehamnertheater. com to confirm the location.

Mondays 6-8pm (February 24-May 19); Crozet Arts (1408 Crozet Ave.) or Grace Episcopal Church in Massie’s Mill; 960-5936; Free LEGO Mania Build bridges, walls, or anything else you’d like with all of the Legos you could imagine. Grades K and up are welcome.

Registration is required, so contact Northside Library before showing up.

Thursdays 4pm (February 27-May 15); Northside Library, Albemarle Square, 973-7893; Free Crozet Spring Arts and Crafts Festival Engage in the arts with activities for the whole family.

Stop by the children’s entertainment

tent for face painting, magic acts, sand art, and more.

Guided painting lessons are also on offer. Sign up online at crozetfestival.com.

10am-5pm (Saturday, May 10-Sunday, May 11); Claudius Crozet Park; 1075 Park Rd., crozet artsfestival@gmail. com; Price: Free (children 12 and under), $6 Adults Kids in the Kitchen Dig in to a healthy lifestyle expo from the Junior League of Charlottesville.

Enjoy parfait-making, bike safety demonstrations, QuikStart tennis, and plenty of other kid-friendly activities, plus educational booths from Whole Foods, ACAC, UVA Children’s Hospital, and more.

9am-1pm (Saturday, March 29); Boys and Girls Club of Central Virginia 1000 B Cherry Ave.; Free

from local stores, which requires a fair amount of measuring and fitting before a final selection. But it’s all part of the process.

“I want the family to have the ‘experience,’” Codiamat said.

“The experience of being treated like stars for an entire month—a fashion stylist at their disposal, make-up artists, hair stylist. I want them to feel very special.”

It usually takes three to four weeks altogether, so he’s currently only taking on one of these types of clients a month.

Pricing depends on the scope of the project, but it’s generally broken down into two costs: the styling and the photography.

Certainly, Codiamat’s happiest when he gets to push the family out of its comfort zone.

“I want the photos to look aspirational and out of the ordinary,” he said. “I want them to look at those photos years later and say, ‘Wow, we look really fabulous.’”—Caite White

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Come see what’s going ‘round this Spring Downtown.

Welcome Spring with a ride on a vintage-style carousel.

Friends and family can share a timeless trip round and round, and enjoy the Springtime air amid the shops and restaurants of Downtown Charlottesville.

Coming to Downtown for one week only, enjoy FREE rides on the vintage Carousel starting Monday, March 17 from noon to 6 pm at Central Place on the Downtown Mall.

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a dad, dad, dad, dad world

Whither modern dad Does nurturing daughters make men nuts?

L

24 C-VILLE Kids

FILE PHOTO

ike most parents, I spend an inordinate amount of time worrying about how the various things I do might impact my daughter’s emotional and intellectual development because, thanks to social science research, I know that everything I think is good is actually bad. I’m told, for example, I can’t tell my very smart daughter she’s smart because this will make her afraid to try difficult things; if she doesn’t do something right, she’ll supposedly think that means she’s actually not smart.

Similarly, I have to ration admiring comments about her appearance because if I tell my beautiful daughter that she is in fact beautiful this will make her think her self-worth comes from her physical appearance which will lead her to become a stripper or something. So I find myself constantly over-thinking what I say and wind up awkwardly shifting my word choice in mid-air so when my daughter does something particularly smart I wind up saying things like “you’re so smar—er, um...here?” No word yet on what social science says the effect on children is of having mush-mouthed and obviously dissembling parents.

While fretting about how anything I say or do could be damaging my 20-month-old daughter’s psyche, I stumbled upon several recent studies that show that the damage can go the other way, too: In effect, children (and especially daughters) screw up their parents (and especially their fathers) in ways I never would

have imagined. The Pew Research Center, for example, recently published a study showing that having a daughter can turn even very politically liberal people into conservative parents who vote Republican.

Thoroughly dismayed, I initially dismissed the study’s findings. But I’ve reluctantly come to concede there is at least some small measure of truth to this—e.g., even well before my daughter’s second birthday, my long-standing support of comprehensive and serious gun control measures has started to loosen because I now realize the original intent of the Second Amendment was

to allow me to have a shotgun on hand to greet any and all of my daughter’s suitors in the years to come. Other than that, though, I remain skeptical that I’m being politically reshaped in any significant way.

A couple of studies published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, however, point to even more dramatic changes that may be in store for me. A 2011 study showed that while men with higher testosterone levels are more successful at attracting a mate and having children, testosterone levels drop dramatically once a man becomes a father. But here’s

the kicker: testosterone levels fall further still for fathers who take an active role in raising their children. Fathers who reported three or more hours of daily childcare duties had further reductions in their testosterone levels compared to fathers who were not involved in the raising of their children.

A similar study published in 2013 goes a little further: a man’s “testicular volume” varies inversely with child nurturing behavior. The more time fathers spend with their children, the lower their testosterone level and the smaller their testicles. This is supposedly a salutary evolu-

tionary adaptation. While high testosterone is important to attracting a mate and having children, it makes for bad husbands and fathers if sustained. Lower testosterone makes men better husbands and more nurturing fathers.

In other words, the invisible hand of nature has fathers by the balls, but it’s supposedly for our own good. Or is it?

As far as I know, there are no studies showing just how far the inverse relationship between being an attentive father and masculinity goes.

Does the decline in testoster-

Should I use a timer and limit my nurturing behavior to less than three hours? Or should I just stop wearing the matching outfits my wife buys for me and my daughter? one levels and testicle size stop at some critical minimum point or does it just keep going with every playdate, storytime, and tumbling class? I think it’s safe to say no one actually knows where this is going and what the long-term effects will be because the really involved father thing is, at least as a general sociological phenomena, something entirely new under the sun.

Other studies suggest that men who have fully embraced the role of nurturer are regarded as unattractive and even embarrassing by their female partners, although it’s not clear if the basis for this is primarily physiological or sociological (i.e. even women who have eschewed traditional gender roles for themselves are not comfortable with men who have done the same).

I’m not a stay at home dad, but I do spend a huge amount of time with my daughter, which apparently puts me in the at-risk male population.

How would I know if I’m spending too much time with my daughter and getting close to some tipping point? Will I start talking about my feelings and watching Bravo or will I merely start using more emoticons? Can I have it all by taking a more masculine approach to nurturing and doing things like fatherdaughter bow hunting or ultimate fighting? Should I use a timer when I interact with my daughter and limit my nurturing behavior to less than three hours since that seems to be the cutoff? Or should I just stop wearing the matching outfits my wife buys for me and my daughter?

What if both the political and gender transformation studies turn out to be true? Will I one day look in the mirror and see Mamie Eisenhower—or will I become even more conservative and even more feminine and become Marcus Bachmann?

While I wait for science to tell me what to do, I’ve started talking to other at-risk fathers to come up with strategies to slow down or moderate this transformation. Right now, we meet for tea once a month and talk about how we feel about what’s going on with our bodies. The goal of these gatherings is to embrace our lives and where we are within them and push back at the stigma on the mature, nurturing man within our society. Above all, we strive to provide a safe and supportive environment for men who have lost testicular volume.

We’re easy to find—to show that we’re not embarrassed about who we are and where we are in our lives we wear red hats in public. And we’re looking for new members.

Bravo should do a show about us!—Jack Rice

Because deserves a little Lazy Days at the end of a hard week!

Home of the Virginia Summer Solstice Wine Festival Fun for kids of all ages with face painting, arts and crafts, inflatable bouncers, games, petting zoo, festival food, and other age appropriate activities!

434-381-6088 • www.lazydayswinery.com Lazy Days Winery, 1351 N. Amherst Hwy, Amherst, VA

“thanks for the gelato, mommy!”

especially when you can enjoy a cup of authentic italian coffee while your little one enjoys a gelato!

C-VILLE Kids 25

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26 C-VILLE Kids

Adults $6 Kids 12 and under FREE www.crozetfestival.com

on the mom front

the mom offensive

Let it out I

vividly recall a major blowup my parents had when I was about 6 years old. I was in our basement family room, watching Saturday morning cartoons. They were upstairs shouting and throwing dishes. I’d witnessed harsh words and muffled arguments between them before, but this sounded like bedlam.

Once the noise finally subsided, I tiptoed upstairs, full of curiosity and concern, to

find broken pieces of china littering the kitchen floor. I stood there horrified until my parents emerged from the bathroom teary-eyed, with their arms draped affectionately around each other.

“What happened?” I asked them.

“Nothing,” said Mom with an obvious sniffle. “I accidentally broke some dishes. Go watch your cartoons, sweetheart.”

Apparently they’d reconciled, but I was still devastated and confused.

We may have the best intentions in shielding our children from marital conflict, and of course it would be better if parents never fought, but child development experts say it’s futile to try hiding everyday disagreements from the kids. In most cases, children are acutely aware of the tension even if they

MATT PAMER

Why fighting in the open might be better than hiding it don’t understand the specifics of the arguments. But that’s not necessarily the problem. What’s worse, say the experts, is that by trying to hide the situation from them, we deny our children the ability to witness that we resolved the conflict and how.

If parents begin to bicker at the dinner table, for example, but quickly decide to “discuss it later,” the children never see CONTINUED ON PAGE 29

C-VILLE Kids 27

Discover your inner child.

TING CELEBRA

29 YEARS

Chaps

223 East Main St. Charlottesville’s Historic Downtown Mall 977-4139

JUST KIDDING AROUND www.frontiermuseum.org 28 C-VILLE Kids

S TA U N T O N , V I R G I N I A

Think you’ve seen it all?

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 27

the resolution and may continue to harbor anxieties about it.

Moreover, even if parents think they’re being discrete, it’s likely they’re modeling all kinds of ways to belittle, insult, or accuse, but very few ways to apologize, concede, or make up.

I was confronted with my own failures in this regard one morning with my own 6-year-old. My husband and I had had a disagreement the night before and had assumed the children—who sleep like logs once they finally succumb—had missed the whole business. I went ahead, however, and asked my daughter if she’d overheard us arguing. She nodded and said, “I don’t like it when you and Daddy fight,” as if what she’d heard the previous night was not the anomaly for her that we had believed.

While I wish she’d never observe an unkind word or look from anyone anywhere or experience her own home as anything other than the love nest of safety I yearn for it to be, that likely is impossible with two working parents, two young children competing for attention from those parents, mortgages, college funds, car repairs, school volunteer obligations, a New Year’s resolution to make more green smoothies, and all the other complexities of this modern life. There is bound to be some discord over who forgot to do, pay, or order something and who feels more overworked and underappreciated in any given week. I’m quite sure the dog is feeling the most slighted of all, but fortunately he’s too old to bark much about it these days.

On the whole, I hope that my children experience their home as a place of emotional security and that when conflicts do arise, they see positive examples of compromise and reconciliation and that Mom and Dad do kiss and make up. They could probably do without the kissing part, but I’m an overachiever so they will have to deal with it.

—Katherine Ludwig

on the mom front: adjusting

Hello, two!

Saying goodbye to my only child

B

efore the birth of my second child in December, I was worried of the impact it would have on my firstborn, June, now 3. I was afraid she wouldn’t do well with a new baby in the house. Up until that point, June had been the center of everything—the object of all our love, devotion, and affection.

A second child would alter the dynamic. It had to. I was afraid I would have less time, and by extension maybe even less love, for June. She’d become the generalized “big sis.”

Our second child, Kathryn Bea, was born December 13, and within the first few months of being a mom of two, I realized I had been projecting. June has been fine with the transition.

More than fine. She adores her little sister (though I like to think it’s because we went out of our way to prep her for the change, see the sidebar below).

She loves to hold her, kiss her, play with her, and feed her. I was the one with the hang-ups.

I was the one who had a hard time letting go of June’s only child star status. It sounds petty, but there’s something so

special, untarnished, and undistracted about being able to pour all your energy and love into one child. Two fractures the equation. Two requires more focus and compartmentalization. Or so I thought.

When in reality, my heart just opened bigger than I thought possible. I love seeing the differences between June and Katie (Katie is a little more relaxed than June was at this age, but that also could be because I’m more relaxed). I love the similarities even more (they look identical, those two, and both love, love, love to be swaddled).

I love how having two kids makes me feel more enmeshed in my family life than ever before, which is equally wonderful and frustrating. When you just have one child, you can still look forward to some down-time, some “me” time on the weekends by leaving your child for a bit with your spouse. With two kids, that luxury goes out the window, particularly for moms—at least at this stage when children are very young. Now on weekends, I typically have both girls with

me at all times with maybe an hour or two to go for a quick jog or run an errand by myself.

The effect of this is that I feel more like a Mom and less like “Jessie” than ever. The upside is that it’s brought my husband Jake and me closer together as we accept we have to be there for one another like never before. Our roles as “Mom and Dad” come into greater relief as our individuality further slips away; the roots deepen.

As for June and Katie, they each gain a friend and ally—a comrade to buffer the omnipresence of Mom and Dad. It’s a dynamic an only child never gets to experience. With a little luck, their relationship will only grow and deepen, just like their Mom and Dads’.—Jessie Knadler

Make room for baby Need some tips for preparing your toddler for a sibling?

Start here.

Get out the toddler’s photo album and replay events of her babyhood: “Mom is going to be spending a lot of time feeding your new sibling, just like I did with you.”

Ask her opinion when shopping for baby stuff— what color socks she thinks her new sibling might like, whether to get her this or that plushy toy, etc.

Play up all the great things that come from being a big sister: It’s a big responsibility and you get to teach your new sibling all kinds of cool new stuff, like how to say the alphabet, how to build blocks, how to eat applesauce!

Stock up on books and videos to help her prepare.

June became obsessed with the Dora the Explorer “Big

Sister Dora” DVD that we checked out from the library.

She asked to watch it every day. It put a really happy, positive spin on all the great things that come from being a big sister.

To give the older sibling a feeling of special privileges, ask her to select which of her toys the new baby can play with and which are for big girls only.

Upon their first meeting, have the baby present the toddler with a gift—a balloon, a book, a treat. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. When the baby comes along, give the toddler some baby responsibilities: fetching diapers, assisting with wipes, throwing dirty diapers in the trash. June loves this one. (We both do!)—J.K.

C-VILLE Kids 29

T’ai Chi and Children: Self-Discipline Concentration Harmony Hiromi T’ai Chi Health and Healing From Within Stress Reduction T’ai Chi and Children: Confidence Self-Discipline #110 Old Michie Building 609 East Market Street www.hiromitaichi.org registrar@hiromitaichi.org or 1-877-880-2479

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1102 Rose Hill Drive • Charlottesville • new friends await you in the garden & kitchen! garden-to-table & ecology day campers explore cville area streams, farms, and more from our convenient pantops location 30 C-VILLE Kids

spring camp break 3for age 5 e grad ! o to 434.979.8628 •

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Hey C’ville! We’ve got bikes for your whole family.

From bikes to gear, Blue Wheel can get you and your whole family out pedaling. Our quality service means you’ll enjoy your ride for years to come - That’s always been our commitment.

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Your source for Specialized bikes in Charlottesville

ISC’s programs for young children feature language and culture exploration through music, games, art, and play.

Previous exposure to French/Spanish is not required - come learn with us!

Summer day camps for young children with language immersion programs in French and Spanish.

Mornings-only or add on flexible afternoon/full-day options for both school year and summer programs.

Now enrolling for Summer 2014 camp and 2014-2015 school-year programs.

Registration information available online

Explore the world at the ISC.

For more information -

email: camp@theISC.org call: (434)984-2174 or visit us online

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C-VILLE Kids 31

The Infamous Stringdusters at The Festy Experience

DOWN IN

Summer Film Camp!

Kids + Teens (8 - 18) Intro to FIlmmakIng June 2 - 6

J

or une

FRONT

JUNE

9 - 13

IntermedIate FIlmmakIng

Young dIrectors

Intro to anImatIon

advanced vFX

June 9 - 13

June 23 - 27

June 16 - 20

J

or une

30 - July 3

June 23 - 27

documentarY

eXplorIng FIlmmakIng July 7 - 11

J

or uly

21 - 25

July 21 - Aug 1

July 7 - 18 (2 weeks)

musIc vIdeo

(2 weeks)

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narratIve

July 28 - Aug 1

AUGUST

Aug 4 - 8

eXplorIng technologY Aug 11 - 15

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REGISTER TODAY! - 434-293-6992 - lighthousestudio.org

PHOTO: TOM DALY

JULY

Showcasing the famous and almost famous since 1989. A weekly events calendar, reviews, expert picks, and choice insight on the local music scene. Highbrow to lowbrow.

This is our town.

.com

College4Kids Summer Career Academies 2014 at Piedmont Virginia Community College For Rising 3rd-9th Graders • June 16-Aug. 15 8:45-11:45 a.m. or 12:30-3:30 p.m.

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Learn about Architecture, Computers, Engineering, Fashion Design, Forensics, Graphic Design, Neuroscience, Robotics, Acting and more!

Enjoy hands-on, project-based learning!

Learn from PVCC faculty, Science, Technology & Engineering (SciTE) scholars and professionals.

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Discover college, careers and more!

Pack a lunch and stay all day.

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Visit our Web site to view our brochure wth class descriptions: www.pvcc.edu/academies Need-based scholarships are available.

Download the scholarship application at our Web site!

32 C-VILLE Kids

Sm all talk From the mouths of babes, answers to some of life’s tougher questions

PHOTOGRAPHY:

Cramer Photo 34 C-VILLE Kids

Come to the hottest guitarr Come to the hottest guitarr store in town!

We’ve got guitars, banjos, dobros, mandolins, drums, store in town! keyboards, violins and more

We’ve got guitars, banjos, dobros, mandolins, drums,, keyboards, violins, upright basses and more

We’ve got guitars, banjos, dobros, mandolins, drums,, keyboards, violins, upright basses and more

Kids think they have all the answers. And maybe they do. We put a few to the test, sending out a Q&A to youngsters age 5 to 16. Most of our participants were born after the millenium.

They don’t remember using payphones. They’ll never know the frustration of dial-up Internet.

But there’s a lot of wisdom to glean from their young minds, as our questionnaire proves. We asked everything from the serious (what would you do if you were president?) to the silly (if you could be a sound, what would you be?) and were surprised by many of the answers.

It’s true: Kids really do say the darndest things.

Boy wonder Likes: TV, candy, Star Wars.

Dislikes: His sister’s puppy dog face.

What would you do if you were president? Make Leo [his friend from daycare] the mayor even though no one else in kindergarten knows him.

If you grew up to be famous, what would you want to be famous for?

Looking up into space.

At what age is a person an adult? What makes you think so? 20, because the oldest teenager is 19.

What’s the hardest thing about being a kid?

How do you know if you’re in love? When I’m with my mom.

mi

What do you think life will be like in five years?

I can be the same size as my sister even though she is three years older than me and will be 13.

ly!

Moms and dads get to do a lot of things that kids don’t, like being the boss of a conference.

C r e a t i v e Fun

for

What do you know how to do that you can teach to others? Reading.

If you could be a sound, what would you be? A rifle gun blasting.

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be? I like my name.

If you could invent something that would make life easier for people, what would you invent? Something that makes parents be kids so we could do whatever we want.

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What advice would you give your parents? Be the guards of me and do nice things to me.

979-3800 • www.specialtyguitarsplus.com

Fa

Attends: Cale Elementary School

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C-VILLE Kids 35

g

I got my start at

Rebecca Schectman Photo: Stacey Evans

FRAGMENTS OF DREAMS AND PRECIOUS DEBRIS

International Relations Major The College of William & Mary

International Rescue Committee Active participant

Joseph Cornell Family Day

2012 Graduate

Saturday, May 10, 11 am – 3 pm

Charlottesville High School

2005 Graduate Free Union Country School

Explore Surrealism and the work of Joseph Cornell with art-making for the whole family!

Printmaking | Photography | Collage | Assemblage Info: www.virginia.edu/artmuseum Registration: museumoutreach@virginia.edu Tuesday–Sunday, 12–5 pm | 155 Rugby Road, Charlottesville VA | 434.924.3592

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“

My interest in local and global service began while studying Mayan culture through performance and games at Free Union. on.

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”

Spr ing Concer to Con c e rt

P e r f o r m i n g w i l l b e T h e Yo u th S y m p hony , R i ta M . E v a n s O rc h e s tra & J r . S tring s F e a t uring t he T he ro n Mc C lure C o nc e rt o C o m p e t it io n Wi nners Me re d it h Ho o p e r , c e llo & J ulia Kle in, cl a ri net

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Old Ca b ell Ha ll, UVA $ 1 5 a d ult s /1 8 y rs & und er-free Ti c ke ts a va i l a b l e a t d o o r o r ti c ke ts .a rts b o xo f fi c e .vi rg i n ia. e du A ud i ti o n D a te s fo r Yo uth Sym p ho ny & T he Eva ns Orc he s t r a are: Tue s d a y, We d ne s d a y a nd T hurs d a y, M a y 27 - 2 8 - 2 9 Em a i l : a ud i ti o ns @ yo c va .o rg o r c a l l 434- 97 4 - 7 7 7 6 Auditions will be held at Buford Middle School, Charlottesvi l l e , VA

36 C-VILLE Kids

Thinking ahead Jeffrey Tyron (Ty) Enoch Jr.

What advice would you give your parents? I would advise you to live closer to my school.

Age: 8

If you grew up to be famous, what would you want to be famous for?

I want to be a famous heart surgeon.

Attends: Venable Elementary School Likes: Soccer, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, lobster.

Dislikes: The dark, loud noises.

What would you do if you were president? I would ask government scientists to create a potion to help make strong bones.

At what age is a person an adult? What makes you think so?

You’re an adult at 27 because you’re out of college and that’s when it’s time to get a job.

What’s the hardest thing about being a kid? The hardest thing about being a kid is eating the foods that you don’t like.

What do you think life will be like in five years? I will be 13. It will be different because I will be a teenager and I will be looking forward to getting my driver’s license.

How do you know if you’re in love? When someone likes you...a lot!

What do you know how to do that you can

teach to others? I can teach others how to make a Rainbow Loom Bracelet.

If you could be a sound, what would you be? I would be a lion’s roar!

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be? Doug E. Fresh.

If you could invent something that would make life easier for people, what would you invent? I would invent a new computer that could read your mind so that you wouldn’t have to use a keypad.

“You’re an adult at 27 because you’re out of college and that’s when it’s time to get a job.”

C-VILLE Kids 37

Love and marriage

In the magazine, you'll find the area's best...

C-VILLE Weddings provides brides-to-be with a comprehensive guide to planning their big day. With the best weddings in the area and fresh, inspiring content in every issue, we’re your first stop on the road to wedded bliss.

CENTRAL VIRGINIA’S BEST GUIDE TO GETTING MARRIED

• Photographers • Jewelers • Wedding planners • Stylists • DJs • Videographers • Venues • Bridal shops • Lodging options • Caterers

...and much more!

On the write track Lucy Armengol Age: 9

Attends: Venable Elementary School Likes: Writing, reading, playing soccer, spaghetti.

Dislikes: Maraschino cherries, feta cheese, brushing my hair.

What would you do if you were president? I would work more on making sure pollution doesn’t happen.

What advice would you give your parents? To let me stay up later before bed.

If you grew up to be famous, what would you want to be famous for?

Writing an epilogue story to J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series.

What’s the hardest thing about being a kid? Maybe the homework.

What do you think life will be like in five years? Fun because I’ll be more independent but still have someone to be there.

How do you know if you’re in love?

I have no idea.

What do you know how to do that you can teach to others? Soccer.

If you could be a sound, what would you be? Laughing.

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be?

Claire, because that’s the name of the character in the book that I’m writing.

If you could invent something that would make life easier for people, what would you invent? A robot that does the dishes.

C-VILLE Kids 39

Albemarle County Parks & Recreation Summer 2014

Summer Activities • Volleyball Camps, (girls 6th thru 12th grade)

• Basketball Camps, (youth) • Karate Classes, (ages 7-Adults) • Swimming Lessons, (ages 4-12) • Summer Playground Program, (ages 6-13) • QuickStart Tennis Lessons & Clubs, (ages 5-10) • QuickStart Super Starters Tennis Camps, (ages 5-10) • Tennis Lessons, (ages 11-Adults) For detailed information on Albemarle County Parks and Recreation camps & classes please visit the website at www.albemarle.org/parks or call the main office at 434-296-5844.

40 C-VILLE Kids

Talking points Claire Mills Age: 14 Attends: Albemarle High School Likes: The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “Build Me Up Buttercup” by The Foundations, “Sherlock.”

Dislikes: Justin Bieber, slow Internet, rude people.

What would you do if you were president? Promote equality, try to get Congress to actually do something, try to make America a better place to live, promote environmental health.

What advice would you give your parents? To remember that teenagers are always sort of a mess, so give them a break every once in a while.

If you grew up to be famous, what would you want to be famous for? Acting.

At what age is a person an adult? What makes you think so? It depends on every person, as people mature at different rates. I feel like there also isn’t really a definition of adult.

You’re legally an adult when you turn 18, but I wouldn’t say many 18-year-olds are adults.

It’s sort of a personal thing, rather than a set age.

What’s the hardest thing about being a kid? People don’t take you seriously enough when you have good points.

What do you think life will be like in five years? Hopefully more environmentally sound, and more equal for everyone everywhere.

How do you know if you’re in love? I don’t know. You get really bubbly when you’re

around them, and you feel really happy but you also get awkward around them.

What do you know how to do that you can teach to others? I can make really cool melted crayon art.

If you could be a sound, what would you be? The sound of an airplane taking off.

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be? I’ve always liked the name Isabelle.

If you could invent something that would make life easier for people, what would you invent? Something that would keep your phone charged for the whole day.

“I feel like there also isn’t really a definition of adult.

You’re legally an adult when you turn 18, but I wouldn’t say many 18-year-olds are adults.”

C-VILLE Kids 41

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42 C-VILLE Kids

French inspiration Matthew Toscano Age: 16 Attends: Tandem Friends School Likes: The Little Prince, Regina Spektor, Salvador Dalí, and Venice.

Dislikes: Peanut butter, fresh tomatoes, de Kooning.

What would you do if you were president? Provide funding for our opera companies and theaters just like they do in some European countries.

What advice would you give your parents? Read Voltaire’s

Candide once every year. It will make you laugh. It’s important to laugh.

If you grew up to be famous, what would you want to be famous for? Composing, directing, or maybe singing.

At what age is a person an adult? What makes you think so? If one defines “adult” in terms of maturity, then it really depends on the individual. Somewhere between 17 and 20? I guess we really all mature in different ways. Most people today consider 18 the age.

What’s the hardest thing about being a kid? Knowing that you aren’t an adult.

What do you think life will be like in five years? Not sure, but I’m a bit scared about how technology is evolving. It seems like more and more today we are absorbed by our electronics and not spending enough time with family and friends. We can’t waste our life just sitting

in front of our screen. There are books to read, plays to see, places to go, and people to meet.

How do you know if you’re in love? When someone you are with brings out the best in you.

What do you know how to do that you can teach to others? French, how to make crêpes, how to play the oboe/ English horn.

If you could be a sound, what would you be? The fizz of a seltzer.

If you could choose a new name for yourself, what would it be? Well, my French name at school is Mathieu, so maybe that. Je ne sais pas.

“I’m a bit scared about how technology is evolving. It seems like more and more today we are absorbed by our electronics and not spending enough time with family and friends.”

C-VILLE Kids 43

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44 C-VILLE Kids

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C-VILLE Kids 45

kid’s best friend

H

aving worked toward becoming a veterinarian since she was 3, when she started pulling lambs, 10-year-old Sadie Wentz already has a head start on some of her less-industrious peers. She’s the proud owner of 13 Suffolk-Hampshire Cross sheep, a 900-pound steer, and two dogs, and is responsible for everything from delivering baby lambs to treating sick animals (sometimes in the middle of the night!) at the family’s Rapidan farm.

Her efforts have earned her some awards, too. In last year’s 4H competition, she won Outstanding Junior Exhibitor, Second Overall Novice Showman, and she competed for a Grand Champion title after winning her class with one of her lambs.

But it’s not about competitions. Said her dad, Brian, “It’s about the animals and the bond they share—the friendships, the experience.” And, it sounds like, it’s about getting a head start on a promising future. Owning two lambs has taught her about bookkeeping, buying feed and supplies, and general money management.

“Her sheep flock is how she’ll fund her education,” Brian said. Sadie’s already started looking at colleges. Virginia Tech and North Carolina are currently in the running.—Caite White

46 C-VILLE Kids

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VAVetSpecialists.com C-VILLE Kids 47

Experience the joy of learning at

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Now Enrolling for the 2014 - 2015 School Year 434.817.2371 www.cvilledayschool.org Serving Preschoolers through 8th Graders