8 minute read
by Madeline Strong Diehl
Kindness is Always Possible!
Join the Kindness Revolution
By Madeline Strong Diehl
I think most people would agree that the pandemic has made a lot of things that we used to take for granted much more complicated. For example: every time I go grocery shopping now, I feel I am putting my health at risk. Because of staffing shortages, I know I’m probably going to have to wait in line for a long time and end up in a DIY check-out lane—and those machines, for whatever reason, hate me. They spew out a constant stream of commands and demands that I can never understand. If I had any feelings of peace and harmony when I entered the store, I know they will be gone by the time I leave.
Except, more recently, I have discovered a way to maintain my composure (and dare I say my humanity?) no matter how much the machines revile and abuse me. That is what I am going to share with you today. First, let’s review what we all are up against in this situation. We are dealing with machines known in the business as “kiosks.” To me, the word sounds vaguely Scandinavian, like “Ikea,” or “solkatt.” (I just picked that one out of the dictionary; it’s Swedish for “when the sun reflects off your watch”. No, I am not kidding. You can look it up yourself, in fact; I think it’s a handy word that all of us should incorporate into our vocabulary.) If you’re like me, you’ve been socialized to believe that everything Scandanavian is cool. But, in the case of “kiosks,” they are not Scandanavian, and they are not cool. If you fall into the trap of believing they are cool, you should be aware that you have been deceived, because using a kiosk means that you are the one having to do all the work! When you are working with kiosks, you must remember that they are machines that are completely unperturbed by anything you might say or do to them to make them stop their rude and insulting behavior. You can beg, plead, curse, or bargain, and none of this will have any effect. They are not scared by threats and they’re impervious to bribes. Now let’s examine the language they use to gain power over us. (For the purposes of this story, I will call the kiosk “Stan.”) After waiting in line for a long, long time, when I finally reach Stan, he greets me with false AI friendliness and enthusiasm, and says: “Welcome valued customer!!! Please scan your membership card. Now scan your items and put them in the bag. Sorry. I didn’t see that. Please take the item out of the bag and scan it again. I said scan your item and put it in the bag. Now take the item out of the bag and scan it. What was that? I couldn’t see it. Please place the item on the scanner and type in the name of the item. What? There’s no such thing as that, dummy! Try again! Obviously, you flunked spelling. Please select a picture of the item. What? You still can’t get this right? Why are you taking so long? What’s the matter? Are you finished? Now choose your method of payment. You’re not done? Then call the cashier for help. What? There is no cashier? Then I suggest you run out of the store screaming so I can berate and frustrate the next customer in line. GOOD BYE! … “Welcome valued customer!”
So, now I know you’re probably asking, what does this all have to do with kindness? Well, our ability to be resilient and maintain our composure when dealing with the Stans of this world is directly related to: (a) how much sleep we had the night before, (b) how long we have been waiting in line, and (c) our experience while waiting in line. By the time we get to Stan, we have zero control over factors (a) and (b), but I have learned that we have a lot of control over (c), our experience in line. If we learn how to be kind in the face of adversity in the grocery store, I believe it’s possible we can be part of a revolution of kindness that can have a much greater impact. In fact, I know that there are tens of thousands of people all around the world who also believe this! They are all members of the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation, which is based on the belief that kindness is a skill that can be taught and developed. On its website, randomactsofkindness.org, it provides numerous suggestions for how to become a “raktivist”—someone who is constantly on the lookout for ways to be kind and thereby help to bring about a revolution of kindness. According to the website, scientists have determined that acts of kindness confer increased physical, emotional, and psychological wellbeing not just to the recipient, but also to the “raktivist.” Kindness is also contagious; observing acts of kindness also sets off a domino effect that causes observers to participate in kindness and benefit from kindness, too. And participating in or observing acts of kindness set off a cascade of happiness drugs in the brain such as oxytocin and endorphins.
Here is the story of what happened during my first experiment with kindness, before I discovered the international social movement established to promote it. (It’s also the story of how I discovered how much I had let the pandemic compromise my sense of humanity, and I am embarrassed to tell it for that reason!) I was in line at my local grocery store feeling my usual ambivalence because each step forward brought me closer to home, but also one step closer to having to deal with Stan. And on this particular night there was a woman in her late 20s directly behind me who was trying, unsuccessfully, to comfort a baby and a toddler who were both crying inconsolably. And as their crying reached a crescendo, I found myself turning into my version of the CRABBY QUEEN, and wondering Why can’t this woman get her children to stop crying? Doesn’t she realize that she’s inconveniencing all the rest of us and putting us all on edge while we’re all standing less than six feet away from each other? If this were a movie theater, or church, wouldn’t she have to leave? I looked around and everyone else’s faces looked angry and impatient, too.
Suddenly, it struck me how much I have allowed my survival instinct, my reptilian brain, to take over during the pandemic. I remembered what it was like to have to take a baby and a toddler shopping with me, hoping against hope that I could make it in and out the door before they both melted down completely. I remembered that I used to be a very different person—and I vowed to become that person again. I remembered a quote from my hero, the Dalai Lama XIV: “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible. And be kinder than necessary.” So, I turned around and said to the woman: “Please. I remember what that’s like! Why don’t you go ahead of me in line?” At first she looked incredulous, then hopeful, then relieved, and she moved forward with a bounce in her step, and then I saw the miracle happen. Because the face of the next person in front of me softened, and he told the young mother to go ahead of him, and the next person did, too, and the next, and lo and behold, the woman got to the front of the line within about five minutes total. And if that wasn’t proof enough that kindness was still alive and well in the world, the woman in the very front of the line let the mother go ahead of her, too, and even scanned all of the mom’s groceries for her, and the mom was out the door within about eight minutes total.
Eureka! What I witnessed that night was the scientifically proven domino effect of kindness. I felt delirious with happiness and joy! When I looked at my fellow customers now, they were all chatting and joking with each other with smiles on their faces! (For science has proven that kindness is contagious.) It still took me a long time to reach Stan, but when he treated me with the usual sadistic scorn and abuse, I just let it roll right off my back and told him, “Have a nice day!” That night I discovered the Random Acts of Kindness Foundation, and now I just need to help persuade millions of other people to become raktivists. The Foundation doesn’t want your money; it just wants to help you celebrate kindness in everyday life. The best part of all—it’s for your own benefit. As the website says, “When you are kind to another person, your brain’s pleasure and reward centers light up, as if you were the recipient of the good deed—not the giver. This phenomenon is called the ‘helper’s high.’” World Kindness Day is November 13th, but don’t wait until then to give it a try! Please write to us at info@crazywisdom.net and let us know how it goes!
