12 June 2019

12 June 2019

Published every Wednesday by CXpress 2006 (Pty) Ltd - PO Box 1449, Plettenberg Bay 6600 - 6 Park Lane, Plettenberg Bay - Tel: 044 533 1004 - Fax: 044 533 0852 Email: editor@cxpress.co.za / advertising@cxpress.co.za Web page: www.cxpress.co.za Printed by Group Editors

Today’s youth root for our planet

FREE

Youth Day commemorates the Soweto Uprising on June 16, 1976, which erupted after nearly a year of protests against a directive by then education authorities that Afrikaans be used on an equal basis with English as language of instruction. Although ending in tragedy, that historical event of 52 years ago changed our country’s socio-political landscape.

Today, children of all walks of life have to make their voices heard against the global onslaught on our natural environment, as did these Village Eco-preschool kids on World Environment Day last week - find out more on page 9.

More missing locals Photo: May Donegan

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On fuel and politics p4

Climate indaba tops p5

10 000 FREE COPIES OF CXPRESS DISTRIBUTED ALONG THE GARDEN ROUTE EVERY WEDNESDAY

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NEWS & VIEWS

12 June 2019

Driving Miss Crazy

These tips from the ancients may well relieve age-related symptoms JEEVES shares his adventures as Garden Route chauffeur extraordinaire...

ELL I woke up this morning, YOU were on my mind, I said, you were on my mind... tralala! And the rest of the words in MY version of the Crispian St Peter’s song have nothing in common with the original...

You see, a Chinese acupuncturist - a Wushu and Tai-Chi master (martial arts combined with medicine and meditation) - was on MY mind since I’d lifted him a few days earlier, and his pearls of advice were still ringing in my head.

Noticing I was post three score and 10 years, he asked whether I was suffering any particular age-related symptoms. I volunteered a few...

The next hour was spent driving and listening to him; I flicked my phone onto ‘record’ and captured some of his wise tips, which I now beg to share. • Bite your teeth together sev-

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eral times a day.

Function: It’s good for your teeth. • Rotate your eyes in their sockets with eyes closed - 16 x clockwise, 16 x anti-clockwise.

Function: It prevents certain kinds of eye disease. • Massage your face - rub your hands gently together to warm them; middle finger up the sides of your nose, around the eye-socket, down the sides of your face with palms.

Function: Better circulation, healthy sinuses, bright face. • Comb your hair with your fingers in the morning and evening, with fingers also massaging your scalp.

Function: It promotes hair growth and circulation; prevents hypertension and Yuppie Flu. • Roll your tongue around your mouth (in front of teeth) creating saliva, then swallow.

Function: It prevents throat

inflammation, aids digestion, and enables relaxation. • Rub your ears gently with your palms (fingers facing the back of your head) and drum the back of your head/neck with your fingers, the drumming creating an echo in your head.

Function: It strengthens your ears and kidneys, and alleviates hypertension. • Slowly bend your head down, then up a few times; then gently rotate your head 16 x clockwise, 16 x anti-clockwise.

Function: It brightens the eyes and clears the brain. • Massage your feet and knees, starting with your knees, down the inside, up the outside; move down to your calves; sit down to massage your feet.

Function: Better circulation and brisker walking.

But wait, there’s more‌ • Rub your abdomen with

open palms, one palm on top of the other - one breath for each circle, first breathe in, next breathe out; the longer the breath, the slower the circle, aiming for one circle/breath per minute; first clockwise then anti-clockwise.

Function: Relaxation, less Yuppie Flu, hiked sex drive! • Massage the small of your back and punch your buttocks - use the back of your hands and circular movements to massage your back; use your fists to punch your buttocks.

Function: Back and waist pain lower, sex drive higher. • When urinating, clench your teeth; when defecating, close your eyes tightly.

Function: Better circulation and sex drive.

Well I, for one, am definitely going to increase my intake of fluids‌ and stewed fruit!

Buckle up - Jeeves

!" #$%&'# !(#$ " )# * %+, $ %+# --!

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NEWS & VIEWS

12 June 2019

CXPRESS

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Search for Smutsville man continues after 19 days Talia Day

LINTON Blaauw, 21, was last seen on Friday morning May 24 by his sister, Henley Boer. She had washed and ironed his new uniform for work, which he came to collect from her house that morning.

“He was in a rush, because he was excited to start his new job,” Boer said. However, Blaauw never arrived at work.

“He was supposed to be here at 8am, but he didn’t pitch up,” said Pieter Loots, the owner of a butchery in Sedgefield.

Blaauw, who grew up in Sedgefield, did not come home on Friday either. Boer thought this was unusual, as he always took meals with her. She called at friends’ houses to see if they had seen him, but to no avail.

By Saturday morning Boer became very alarmed when Blaauw had still not returned home. “His bed was

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the same, and his clothes were still packed neatly on his couch.”

Boer reported Blaauw missing on Monday morning May 27.

“He has never run away before. He is a responsible man,” she said.

His aunt, Cathy Hendry, said they had been very close since his mother moved away to Prieska, after the murder of his father 18 years ago.

“I was like a second mother to him, he was always visiting me at my house,” Hendry said.

His father was beaten to death when Blaauw was three years old. According to family, his mother never recovered from this shock, so moved away. The murderer was caught and spent three years in jail. He was released 15 years ago and still lives in Smutsville.

“Yes, we see him on the street, but he does not come to us, and he never talks to

Clinton.” Hendry said. “No one would hurt him, everyone liked Clinton, that is why this is so weird.”

Clinton Blaauw was last seen wearing a white shirt and black jeans. If you have any information, please call 044 302 6687 or 10111, W/O Pieterson on 074 041 2721 or Cheryl Britz of Knysna Community Police Forum (CPF) on 082 574 9657.

Another Smutsville resident goes missing Just before going to print, CXPRESS was informed that Ferdi Eugene ‘Basie’ Alexander, 27, had also been reported missing from his Smutsville home. He was last seen on Sunday morning around 2am, after leaving his local tavern.

He was wearing red Nike takkies, a grey shirt and blue denim shorts. The police are investigating his disappearance. Anyone with information can call the above SAPS and CPF numbers.

Public assistance needed to catch robbers of pricey timepiece and sex pest brother-in-law LETTENBERG Bay police have urged the public to come forward with information that could assist them in solving two cases.

The latest incident happened last week when a watch worth more than R400,000 and an undisclosed amount of foreign currency were stolen during a burglary in the seaside of Longships suburban area on June 6.

Police spokesman captain Marlene Pieterse said suspects forced a window open at a Fairways Avenue home between 5:30pm and 8:45pm.

“The suspects took an expensive watch, worth about R410,000, from a briefcase as well as US Dollars and several Euros,” Pieterse said.

She added that the complainant left his home during the time of the incident and made sure all the doors

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and windows were locked.

“His alarm was also activated. When he returned home, he noticed that the doors of the cupboards inside his home were wide open.”

It is unclear how the suspects managed to enter the home without setting off the alarm.

Pieterse said a case of housebreaking had been opened and police are investigating the matter.

She urged anyone with information that could assist police to contact investigating officer detective sergeant Tokyo Gxagxisa on 044 501 1922/41 or 078 674 8466.

Pieterse also urged the public to assist with a sexual assault matter involving a woman who was allegedly accosted by her brotherin-law.

Pieterse said the incident happened in Nkumanda Street in KwaNokuthula

on November 4 last year.

She said it was believed that the 42-year-old complainant had been at her home when her brother-inlaw approached her.

“He allegedly asked her if she knew of any houses to rent in the area, before pressing her to let him into her home so that he could see what the house looked like,” Pieterse said.

She added that the woman was carrying a candle for light at the time, but that the suspect knocked the candle out of her hand.

“He then started to touch her breast and the rest of her body without consent.”

Pieterse said a case of sexual assault had been opened.

She urged anyone with information regarding the whereabouts of the suspect to contact sergeant Thanisizwe Magadla on 044 803 4616 or 082 335 1200.

- Garden Route Media

VANISHED: Sedgefield resident Clinton Blaauw has been missing for 19 days

EMPTY HOME: The Smutsville house where Blaauw lived until disappearing on May 24 - Photo: Talia Day

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Read CXPRESS online at www.cxpress.co.za

Is our money disappearing into thin air?

STUART MURRAY wonders why the fuel price has increased, when international crude oil prices have been dropping ELL, if not ‘thin air’, certainly cleaner air, since all signs are pointing to a rather desperate manoeuvre forcing the public to fund the new Carbon Tax, which came into operation on June 1.

This theory may well explain why we were not forewarned in the normal way of the latest fuel price increase - usually announced the day before it kicks in. Thus the Furtive Fuel Fix took many of us by surprise.

International oil prices have been well below their highs (see Brent Crude graph) due mainly to fat inventories, Middle Eastern conflict, and lower demand.

Thus many beleaguered motorists, looking on the bright side, hoped for a fuel price decrease.

Alas, to no avail. The need to fund the Carbon Tax took pole position.

Although a signatory to the Paris Protocol on Climate Change and the pledge to cut back the emission of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases (GHG), SA has been dragging its feet.

Last month, Minerals Council environmental head Stephinah Nudua

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NEWS & VIEWS

12 June 2019

Plettenberg Bay

stated that South Africa had fallen far behind in its agreed efforts to reduce its GHG emissions by 13% by 2015, rising to 26-33% by 2035.

Slapping the bill for Carbon Tax on petrol and diesel may help the government’s struggling housekeeping efforts, but not those of the general public, to whom it is just another hike in the cost of living.

The government, in other words, has passed the buck.

We may - and most of us do - support efforts to combat climate change and global warming, acknowledging that fossil fuel emissions are a major contributor to the scourge.

But the perpetrators of these destructive gases must bear the burden, not the public.

However, the government has got into the habit of taking the easy way out of difficult issues and so-termed administrative prices, controlled by government, are easy targets.

These include fuel, water, electricity, rates and taxes, and so on...

But let’s just stick to fuel, which affects us all, whether getting children to school, going to

work, everyday travel or whatever. Transport in a country as vast as South Africa is a huge issue that impacts on our daily lives. Up goes the price of fuel… and up zooms the cost of living!

These administrative price increases have crept in to the extent that their effect has been to accumulate far above inflation. As a result, consumer price inflation from 2008 to the first quarter of this year increased by just short of 85% (CPI).

Power prices have risen by 351% over that period, water by 200%, and petrol taxes and pump margins by 190%.

All these have a frightening effect on the cost of living and the welfare of the South African public. All goods and services have been detrimentally affected - even schooling and, particularly, health care.

So Carbon Tax is just another nail in the public coffin. But what is the motive, the rationale, behind it?

Obviously the excellent purpose is to lower the use of fossil fuels, which are the root cause of GHG emissions. At the same time, the tax is purported

to somehow encourage businesses to create renewable energy projects and sectors. These renewable energy sources would in turn create jobs.

A programme to buy ‘clean’ energy from independent producers has made little or no progress.

To be honest, we have seen an implosion in the development of wind farms across the country, but how cost-effective these are is anybody’s guess. I presume that quite a number of farmers have put unproductive land to good use?

The situation is not rosy.

StatsSA reported last week that the decline in GDP in the first quarter was 3.2%, compared to 1.4% growth in the previous quarter. Poorest performers were Agriculture -13%, Mining -11%, and Manufacturing -8.8%.

All in all, South Africa’s economy hasn’t grown by more than 2% a year since 2013.

• Stuart Murray (stuart murray758@gmail.com) is a former senior assistant editor of Financial Mail and co-founder, editor, and CEO of Finance Week. He is retired and lives in Plettenberg Bay.

Thoughts on identity politics, transformation, the DA, and Helen Zille Wandisile Sebezo

must confess, I don’t agree much with our former premier Helen Zille on many issues. She comes across as an arrogant colonialist, apologist, and racist.

Strangely though, I found myself agreeing with her on how polarising identity politics can be in South Africa.

Steve Biko told me to write what I like, but I haven’t been able to - and heaven knows, I’ve tried.

For many years I convinced myself I didn’t have the luxury to write what I wanted to, because identity politics equals identity writing.

I am black, and therefore all that I write is influenced by the material conditions that surround me - blackness. My outlook on life is shaped by my blackness.

Black Consciousness also taught me to promote and protect black

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interests all the time; doing so is a revolutionary act, given that we live in a world where everything is white.

Doing so also meant ignoring and blocking anything white, even if it had no intent to harm my blackness.

So how do we promote transformation in a racially polarised society like ours?

It’s a tricky business, like applying an if-andthen approach when doing your log frame analysis: the assumption is that conditions are conducive enough for the project to succeed, even though those conditions are beyond your control.

I suspect that is why the former premier now regrets “promoting black leadership” in the DA; because, it seems, it didn’t achieve the desired effect.

This is where I agree with Zille. Promoting blacks

to positions of authority on the simple basis that they’re black as opposed to merit is a terrible mistake - in fact, it’s a disservice to blacks themselves.

The DA was desperate for black votes to its own detriment, and to blacks within the DA. The assumption was that having a black leader would propel the black electorate towards the DA. Alas, it didn’t work out.

So Zille is correct to regret the move. As it turns out, Mmusi Maimane is a failure of a leader. (Oh, it’s politically correct when it’s said by another fellow black, so relax.)

There are many black leaders within the DA who could have performed better than Mmusi. Even this lowly writer wouldn’t have voted for him, because he is an actor, he lacks originality, and therefore we don’t relate to this chap from

Dobsonville, Soweto.

Provided I had an opportunity to have high tea with Ms Zille, I’d tell her it’s not appropriate to say colonialism was better in a country that is still struggling to heal the sharp divisions of the past.

I’d tell her that life didn’t begin in 1994 with the advent of democracy. I’d remind her that blacks are poor in all manner of sorts, largely because of the legacy of apartheid, and whites are well-off because of this same legacy.

I’d also remind her that her tweets are offensive and have no place in our constitutional order - they divide rather than unite.

As a senior political figure in South Africa, I’d plead with her, because she has far more to contribute in building this country than holding all black people in contempt.

Also, I’d like to take a selfie with her, just nje!

Our country’s mayors to hail the humble taxi…

INANCE minister Tito Mboweni and Cooperative Governance and Traditional Affairs counterpart Dr Nkosazana Dlamini Zuma last week told the

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country’s 257 mayors to use public transport or shuttles, and stop hiring expensive luxury cars.

This is among new stringent measures to cut costs in municipali-

ties that come into effect next month, according to IOL News.

Municipal managers have also been told to ensure there are policies in place from Monday

July 1, to manage the use of council vehicles for official purposes.

We can only hope to see our Garden Route mayors making use of public transport...

NEWS & VIEWS

12 June 2019

No chilling out about climate change Correspondent BOB HOPKIN reports on a controversial Indaba hosted by Garden Route District Municipality at Wilderness Hotel last Friday UST gimme the facts, ma’am, just the facts.

This was a popular and memorable catch phrase used predictably in every episode of the hit 1950s and 60s TV crime thriller Dragnet.

The phrase is appropriate in two ways to the subject of the recent local Indaba

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on climate change and our adaptation to it.

Firstly, the topic has become highly polarised with opposing factions citing their own ‘facts’ as clear ‘proof’ that climate change exists, and then others using their own ‘facts’ to ‘prove’ that it is a hoax

ADAPT OR SUFFER: Lindelani Mudau from the department of Environmental Affairs gives the bad news - Photo: Bob Hopkin

which should be ignored.

Secondly, the timing, in the mid-20th century, coincides with when the ‘pro’ campaigners believe that human activity began releasing excessive amounts of carbon dioxide into the atmosphere, triggering the phenomenon now defined as ‘anthropogenic’ (manmade) climate change.

Some of those who disbelieve that mankind is responsible for these alleged effects may still be convinced that humankind needs to adapt, even though it is an entirely natural process.

In this confusing situation, Garden Route District Municipality (GRDM) last week had the unenviable task of getting together a group of experts to discuss the facts of this phenomenon and actions to accommodate the inevitable, should it be proven to exist.

The day-long conference

Knysna Environmental planner gets practical on climactic challenges HE talk by Knysna Municipality’s Environmental Planning manager Pam Booth on Friday was a breath of fresh air in terms of the practical nature of her experience and suggestions.

It became clear that her concerns and actions were based upon hands-on familiarity with the environmental needs and problems of her immediate area.

Entitled ‘Drought, Fire, Flood: What can Knysna look forward to next?’, this question was answered in Booth’s opening remarks.

“More of the same!”

Noting that the 2017 fires destroyed some 16,000ha and the 2018 fire 100,000ha - albeit with less direct impact on residents, and including the Eastern Cape was a sobering affirmation of the situation.

Two core elements of Booth’s presentation were the need for better management of inflammable woodlands and the use of

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wetlands to control floods, act as pollution filters and retain water sources.

In respect of the former, with the support of Knysna Municipality and its council, she recruited her first team from able-bodied 18 to 55-year-old unemployed locals to clear alien vegetation in the Knysna area.

She explained the importance of a systematic approach and to foresee not just the felling of invasive trees but also the disposal and, preferably, use of the subsequent biomass.

“We discovered that the disposal of the tree trunks could quadruple the cost of felling, so had to think of ways to use it productively,” Booth said. Among the uses her team found was reducing the wood to sawdust using an industrial chipper, then, in one case, treat it to convert the mass to fertiliser to return nutrition to the soil.

Another method was add-

ing a fireproofing chemical, then compress the product into building blocks.

Yet another was treating the biomass to become a filtration device, creating ground cavities fed by untreated waste water, and then planting trees in place.

Due to the success of the first ‘A-team’, Knysna council has now approved funding for the creation of four more, to expand the programme through Sedgefield, Karatara, Rheenendal, and Knysna Central.

Complimentary to her forest management efforts, Booth’s team has identified priority wetlands for rehabilitation to assist in flood mitigation and pollution control. In this respect Knysna has approved R1.5-million for the rehabilitation of the Bongani river and wetland system.

Clearly, while theoretic studies have their value, practical efforts can be more rewarding.

involved some 200 participants from throughout the country and, in familiar manner and most respects, did not question the validity of the occurrence but accepted it as gospel.

In addition, if it is really caused by human intervention, little mention was made of mitigating the assumed causes, as is being done in developed countries, mainly in the northern hemisphere.

When presenting the national Department of Envi-

CXPRESS ronmental Affairs’ (DEA) Draft National Climate Change Strategy, Lindelani Mudau placed the emphasis almost entirely on adaptation to a situation that is beyond our control in SubSaharan Africa.

As another delegate from the DEA, Goosain Isaacs, said later in the meeting, perhaps inadvertently, “developed countries in Europe and the Americas have the money to do this but we don’t” and that the emphasis was to create a “resilient” South Africa able to cope with more extreme climatic events, with early warning systems in place.

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In her keynote address, Dr Ilse Trautmann from the Western Cape department of Agriculture, said her information indicated a likely increase in local average temperature of 2-3 degrees Celsius in the next 20 years, combined with intermittent droughts and floods, having a highly adverse effect on both arable and pastoral agriculture.

Readers interested in a neutral, unbiased analysis on this topic should click on www.warmheartworld wide.org/climate-change or view ‘Nobel Laureate Smashes the Global Warming Hoax’ on YouTube.

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NEWS & VIEWS

12 June 2019

Plett’s unique Challenge culminates polystyrene packaging and in World Oceans Day after-dinner confections Words & photos: Timothy Twidle

HE Plett Oceans Day Challenge launched on April 10 concluded on June 8, World Oceans Day, with a cleanup drive on Lookout Beach.

The Challenge, initiated

by Nicola Ash of The Fat Fish and Rhian Berning of Renew Able Plett, has seen local hospitality outlets disavowing single-use plastic by curtailing the use of plastic straws, individuallywrapped confections and polystyrene food containers.

Of the 54 entities that have signed a pledge to carry out the aims of the Challenge, to date 53 have banished wrapped sweets and plastic straws, and 51 have stopped using polystyrene containers.

Said cleanup participant Wessel Croukamp of Yellowood Spur: “It is good to see the community participating in an exercise to help the environment. We have stopped using after-dinner

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sweets, plastic straws and polystyrene.

“There is a slight additional cost, but that is the price we have to pay in order to protect the environment.

Everything we use now is biodegradable.”

These sentiments were echoed by Caitlin Anderson of Off the Hook: “Our restaurant has cut out all

LISTING LITTER: Bitou Environmental Management officer Anjé Taljaard recorded collected items on to the prescribed form

and we are in the process of phasing out plastic straws.

“We’ve had such good feedback from our clientele.

It is wonderful to see how many businesses and people have come along to clean Lookout today.”

Some 85 people participated in the removal of litter from Lookout Beach, of whom 41 were learners aged 11-12 from KwaNokuthula Primary led by their deputy principal Unathi Cembi.

The cleanup drive was coordinated by Nature’s Valley Trust marine researcher Chanel Hauvette and Bitou Municipality. Support was provided by Pick n Pay, who supplied compostable bags and juice. Assistance was also given by Knysna Toyota, Keep Plett Clean, Renew Able Plett, Plett Tourism, The Fat Fish, and HMRP Packaging.

Thirty bags of refuse were collected and all of the items picked up were recorded and listed for further analysis.

GOOD EFFORT: Those who took part in the cleanup drive with the results of their labours - 30 bags of detritus; at left is Chanel Hauvette, who coordinated the cleaning endeavour, with Mthobeli Galeni of Bitou Waste Management and Rhian Berning, seated at right

BUSINESS

12 June 2019

CXPRESS

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New legislation aims to root out real estate corruption Rob Mckee

F one ever doubted that estate agents deserve their commission, an act that came into effect recently should scrap any remaining doubt for good.

Since April 1, amendments to the Financial Intelligence Centre Act No 38 of 2001 have added way more additional legal processes to be followed before agents are allowed to sign up a new client - buyer or seller.

It is now mandatory for all estate agents - and this includes rental agencies to introduce a Risk Management and Compliance Programme into their usual FICA verification and identification processes.

This requirement will add immensely to agents’ already administrative load, but the heavy administrative sanctions in place for non-compliance may well ensure strict and timeous submission.

There is no question that property transactions are a perfect way for the proceeds of illicit gains to be laundered through the system because of the relatively large sums of money involved. Classic money laundering methods include: • Trying to pay in cash.

• Attempting to hide the name/s of ultimate beneficiaries.

• Attempting to purchase anonymously.

• Buying “sight unseen”.

• Agreeing to pay way over market price.

• Attempting at the last minute to cancel the sale and have all proceeds deposited, repaid into a “new” bank account.

Qualified agents are trained to be alert to all these tricks, but the real problem I foresee is getting buyers and sellers to provide ALL the requested personal information needed by agents before they can enter into a business relationship with them.

(The required documentation becomes more involved when dealing with juristic entities).

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EDUCATION IS KEY: Rob Mckee - a highly-respected professional real estate educator with 33 years’ experience in all aspects of the industry - believes that enlightening sellers and buyers is as important as educating estate agents Photo: Simon Deiner/SDR Photo

Without the necessary information, the agent cannot proceed with the client and stands the chance of losing out to an unethical agency prepared to risk everything just to “do a deal”.

If a client was to reject working with an ethical agent in favour of working with an agency happy to disregard the legal requirements, one wonders to what extent that agency would protect the overall seller’s major asset. Should the Financial Intelligence Centre (FIC) perhaps be alerted, in such cases?

An interesting addition to the Know Your Customer process is the upfront requirement to run a new client’s name through the United Nations Security Council’s List 1267 to ensure the name does not feature among the financially sanctioned.

Once the client has signed and returned the mandatory questionnaire, a determination as to whether the client poses a low or high risk to the agency needs to be considered.

If low risk, all’s well to proceed; however, if considered high risk, a decision may result in the agency terminating the business relationship and, if they think things look really

suspicious, they may decide to report their assessment to the FIC. Processes to be followed by low-risk clients (as assessed by the agency) are relatively easy to manage.

However, where a client may be classed as “high risk”, the vetting process becomes far more involved.

Non-residents needing to bring funds from offshore to purchase are seen as high risk.

The same goes for FPPOs (Foreign Prominent Public Officials) or their immediate family members or known associates, who in the past 12 months occupied a position for example as head of state, member of royal family, member of cabinet, senior member of a political party, senior member of a state-owned enterprise, and more.

• DPIPs (Domestic Prominent Influential Persons) or their families or associates, including president or deputy, cabinet minister or deputy, premier of a province, mayor, leader of a political party, member of a royal family, a traditional leader, CFO of a national or provincial department or municipality, chief investment officer of a public entity, anyone in a position to sell goods or services to the government (amount yet to be set) and many more.

One has to wonder whether this list has been prepared following revelations uncovered by the current host of commissions on the go.

The El Capone case comes to mind reading the above: it’s far easier to convict and jail a perpetrator on tax evasion and money laundering than going through the criminal justice system!

The legislation in its current form as far as the estate agency industry is concerned is fuzzy, to say the least, and material guidance from the Estate Agents Affairs Board has not been of much assistance to date.

Read CXPRESS online at www.cxpress.co.za

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INTERVAL

12 June 2019

Talia on Toast

Mornings Garden Route local TALIA DAY is a mom with two kids, a Viking, and two jobs (online teacher and novelist). Her dream is to brighten someone’s day and to make people aware of the fact that their tribulations are not singular, since we all share in the craziness that is life and parenthood.

1:13am Second spawn niggles in her cot, reaches wailmoan at just the right pitch to tear me from the dreamy arms of a Greek stripper named Julio as he is about to remove his leopard print G-string.

I jerk awake, befuddled, stumble over to the cot, pick up the now very wide awake spawn, search like a mole for her dummy, locate it, insert it into wailmoaning orifice, poke the Viking awake to move up, gently place not-sleeping bomb into bed with us, re-insert myself into the warmth, grab a bottle, insert this into screeching cat’s mouth, and promptly fall asleep again.

3:54am Second spawn is having karate-chop dreams, and she is being trained by Bruce Lee. I really must cut her nails - having her dig her tiny little fingers into my eyeballs mid-dream does not induce the best waking scenario.

I stand up, rip the duvet off the bed, searching in desperate haste for her swaddle blanket… only to get moaned at by the Viking for waking him up, and taking the duvet off, and “I just need to sleep!”

Dude, you and me both.

That sneaky little swaddle blanket has been stolen by dwarfs again, and they hid it under our bed.

Second spawn swaddled, dummy inserted into sleepkarate-chopping-wailing mouth, and I re-insert myself into a now cold bed amidst the ongoing groaning of the Viking.

And… second spawn has peed through her nappy.

4:28am First spawn pokes me on the shoulder. “Mommy, mommy, mommy!”

Poke! Poke! Poke!

“Hissa wha? Was hapin? Grmph. Is okay, baby, come climb into bed with mom.”

My space in the bed lessens to the point of a sardine - lying on my side with one arm under first spawn and my other pretzelled over to insert the lost treasure into devil’s spawn’s black hole.

After the 11th try - poking her eye, her nose, the bed, the Viking, the Viking again, her other eye, and finally finding her mouth - second spawn is most irritated and lets us all know in no uncertain terms that she is not a pincushion and that her dummy needs to be in her mouth NOW! “Is okay, baby. Please go lalas now.”

5:02am Karate dreams continue.

6:19am Second spawn sleep crawls onto my face and decides my cheek is a comfortable pillow.

Her very short, talon like nails are dug into my eye socket and the other hand is clinging to my cheek like a baby baboon to its mother’s back.

First spawn is sleeping on my arm, which is deader than a dodo at a Japanese hunting festival, and she has drooled down my hand.

Yay for me!

7:58am I am being stoned to death

by King Kong, and he is shouting: “Bong! Bong!

Bong! Bong!” My whole body is being thrown around, and there is some-

thing beating me.

I tear my eyes open, over sandpapered eyeballs; it’s not a dream. Second spawn is standing against me with her little hands balled into fists, and she is banging me awake.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

When she doesn’t get the reaction she seeks from my pretend-sleeping form, she turns around, crawls to the Viking and starts her King Kong moves on him.

First spawn has now arisen from her beauty sleep; her curly hair has dreadlocked itself in the night. There is definitely an army of Rastafarian pixies in her hair.

She unceremoniously climbs over me in her excitement to reach second spawn, and in the process she stands on my bladder, knees me in my ribs, and elbows my stomach.

This rearrangement of my inner organs and our sleeping quarters thus decided, the two spawns sit and have a screeching conversation at the top of their lungs, which involve high pitched wailing, some opera falsetto, and a lot of farting.

“Whassa time?” I ask the Viking, as his magnificent beard is being pulled out in clumps by second spawn.

He squeaks, tells the girls to tone down to a dull roar and not a teenagers’ rock show as he grabs his cellphone. “*Bleep!* I’m *bleeping* late! *Bleeeeep*!”

“What’s the time?” I shout at him.

“It’s *bleeping* 8 o’clock!”

“BLEEP!” I shoot out of bed, my blonde curly hair remnant of an 80s rock star after a weekend binge.

The Viking and I look at each other, judge who can get to the bathroom fastest, and I throw second spawn at him. “Here, catch! Watch her!”

I slam the bathroom door in bliss ignorance to his muffled moaning because he is also late and needs the loo, too!

Next time we get a place with two bathrooms…

After 20 minutes of frantic panic, racing around in sleep-deprived zombie mode, the two spawns are in some semblance of decent-enough-to-leavethe-house. First spawn is t-minus shoes, and her hair… That hair!

Second spawn is on the floor whale-moaning for breakfast, eating her shoes as I jump in the car, without either of them.

Sheepishly, I haul the Tank around, pick up the kids, zoom out the driveway, shouting at the Viking over my shoulder while hoping to hell no one stands too close to me today.

Who needs to shower and brush your teeth anyway? *Talia on Toast is a monthly column - watch this space for the next instalment in CXPRESS of July 10.

SOCIAL SCENE

12 June 2019 TOGETHER FOR THREE SCORE YEARS AND THREE: David and Valerie Puren, pictured at left, will celebrate their 63rd wedding anniversary on Youth Day and Father’s Day, June 16 - what an auspicious occasion! The family, including children and grandchildren of these long-time New Horizons residents congratulate the couple, saying: “While we all love a great love story, we have to admit that yours is our favourite one of all times. Let us celebrate the joys of today, the hopes of tomorrow, and the memories of yesterday.

Happy anniversary!” This heartfelt message comes from daughters Avril and Naomi, along with Vernon, Johan, Eugene, Arlin, Mandy, Adrienne, Gavin and Zara-Lin.

START ‘EM YOUNG: On June 5, aka World Environment Day, children from The Village Eco-preschool at Plett’s Old Nick Village took action to create public awareness of the day’s important message. This year’s international theme was Beat Plastic Pollution, so to start the day, teachers accompanied the kids on a nature walk in the surrounding hills to look for butterflies and beetles and, en route, collect all the bits of plastic waste they stumbled upon. The little eco-warriors then created posters before embarking on their first-ever protest march. Says Village Eco-preschool founder Inge Bassett: “They were a positive and powerful force and definitely convinced shoppers at the Old Nick Midweek Market that ‘PLASTIC IS NOT COOL’!” See the advert on this page for more information on this most nature-minded local preschool.

NEW PARK MONITORS: SANParks has taken on new tourism safety monitors in a programme funded by the National Department of Tourism. Based in Knysna, Wilderness and Tsitsikamma, their primary task is to ensure visitor safety and guests’ access to information.

Garden Route National Park manager Paddy Gordon says the programme is one way of preparing young people for the job market, teaching the necessary skills to them straight after school.

Pictured in front from left are Bewedine Terblanche, Nkosinathi Busakwe, Zethu Menze and Zane Jordaan, with Sibongile Ralushe, CJ Solomons, Llewellyn Phillips, Mpisekhaya Solani, Zikhona Mantla, and Nathan Veldkornet at back.

WHEELS FOR STERREWEG KID: A wheelchair was presented to Sterreweg day-care centre for children with special needs in New Horizons on May 27 by Moonyeen Castle, past president of the Women’s International Zionist Organisation (WIZO) SA. The wheelchair was donated by Cape Town resident Barry Lipschitz in celebration of his 80th birthday, and was purchased by his siblings in lieu of a birthday gift.

Barry and spouse Sue lived in Plett for 17 years and the town remains dear to them. In a short speech Moonyeen said: “This is the second wheelchair given to Die Sterreweg through the good offices of WIZO, and to date more than 100 of these wheelchairs, designed and made in Israel, have been distributed throughout the country.” Pictured from left are Suzy Lubner, Eddy and Moonyeen Castle, Tony Lubner, and Godfrey and Michelle Shev. Wheelchair recipient Gabriel Terblanche, 8, holds a card of thanks to Barry Lipschitz. Timothy Twidle

CXPRESS

People, places & events

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CXPRESS

12 June 2019

CLASSIFIEDS

Local registered counsellor for REAL debt counselling and COMPLETE peace of mind. Phone today for a FREE consultation with no obligations.

Gerhard van Huyssteen is your LOCAL registered Debt Counsellor (NCRDC#778) Cell: 071 332 2341 Tel: 044 533 2805 Email: plett101@gmail.com

Paws

Plett Animal Welfare Service

ON THE SOAPBOX

12 June 2019

Letters to the Editor

Email: editor@cxpress.co.za - Fax: 044 533 0852 - PO Box 1449, Plett 6600

CXPRESS

11

Join us in sending off Dad

D Day-anniversary dredges up memories of undead uncle and African belonging This year is the 75th anniversary of the D Daylanding in Normandy, to clear France and occupied Europe of the German invaders.

Last week I watched broadcasts of the Day of Thanks to all those nations both free and conquered who took part in that incredible event. Leaders of the UK, France, and America paid grateful tribute to those few men who survived that day of courage and death, and are still alive today.

My memory went back to when I was eight years old and a choir boy. I firmly believe that was the time I started going wrong… never to stop.

Being a member of the choir meant that we had to attend the parades and military service prior to those young men going to war. The one I remember best was the Sunday before June 6 in 1944. It was held on the lawns in front of the ancient priory.

The troops lined up, the vicar leading the service in that simple black and white raiment that puts the fancy dress of our modern

cathedralists to shame. I often wonder what Christ in his simple home-spun robes would have thought of it - bit of a shock?

So there we stood, the band playing ‘O God our help in ages past and those in peril on the sea’, prayers of hope and strength. The soldiers marched past, the Bren Gun Carriers rattled past and we knew the great day could not be far away.

Following the cross through those ancient streets we paused to say a prayer by the 1918 war memorial, lined with names of those who never returned to family and home, trying to work out the meaning of “the glorious dead”.

On we went into that lung of God on earth, with the banners of regiments of past battles hanging from the walls and the stained glass windows of incredible colour filled with the images of past saints.

Three days later, the sky was filled with Dakotas, fighter planes and bombers in a never ending mass with their white recognition stripes on body and wing. It had begun.

Two stories of my family come out of those two wars, one from the first war, in the small Hertfordshire village where I finally found out where my family hails from.

My great uncle’s name was inscribed as dead on the war memorial. Three years later he turned up, not with a poppy in his button hole but with a French poppy on his arm.

The poppy doesn’t fall far from the stem.

The other story concerns my cousin who I discovered so late in my life. She was dropped into France to help the Resistance and fell in love with a French Resistance fighter.

Unfortunately, in the turmoil after the war she lost contact with him and married an American, only returning to England

after 27 years.

I went to England to visit and she told me that the Frenchman had found her and was coming to stay with her the next weekend.

They were both aged 80.

This frail 80-year-old woman stood at the railway station and I leant out of the carriage shouting: “Be careful, Molly, don’t get pregnant!”

The conductor looked out of the window and said: “Fat chance, mate.”

Molly replied: “Don’t worry about him - he’s my cousin from Africa.”

I never saw her again although we stayed in contact until the dreaded disease of age, Alzheimer’s, overtook her.

But I shall never forget the sense of belonging those words gave me.

Paul Deans, Plett

Thanks for an exquisite day

Plettenberg Bay artist William Macnae departs

PORTRAIT OF AN ARTIST: William Macnae passed away on May 30

William Macnae, 66, has lived by himself for the last 30 years in Plett, where he became a well-known character. He had been painting portraits at Beacon Island Hotel since 1983 and along with his fellow artist friends, I would like to acknowledge his talent.

William was a very private person, very passionate about his art and

about making his own pastels with pigments imported from the Sennelier in Paris, Zecchi Art Shop in Florence, and Potters Supplies in Johannesburg.

To attain the transparent effect in his seascapes, the way light is reflected or diffracted by the pigments is exploited in his paintings. But I think most people will remember his portrait painting.

I met him 15 years ago and have had many discussions with him over the years, so would like to say farewell to him here, along with all those people who are sure to remember him.

William’s brother lives in Australia and plans to visit Plett in October, when we will have a memorial service for him.

Jill Forbes, Plett

ENTERTAINMENT ON TAP: Master of ceremonies Francois Wolfaardt tempts Tina van Reenen with a raffle draw

The Bitou 10 Foundation celebrated Mother’s Day in style at Burnt Orange at Plett Angling Club on May 12.

The day was exquisite with great weather, the venue and entertainment adding to a well-rounded occasion to spend time with loved ones.

The beautiful flower displays were supplied

by Ulrika Baldzuhn from Hum Bee Flora, and Andrie Combrink supplied the delicious homemade baked bread.

Families were spoilt to a hearty three-course buffet lunch, while listening to the harmonious sounds of Martin Wolfaardt and his band.

In between, MC Francois Wolfaardt had everyone laughing, as he kicked off proceedings with the

schedule, speeches, and light comedy for the day.

Once lunch had settled, the Mother’s Day Lucky Draw took place and a big thank you goes to Grand Africa and Knysna Elephant Park for their amazing prizes! The lucky winners are sure to enjoy every moment.

Thereafter it was time for the Bitou 10 raffle draw. Outstanding prizes were up for grabs and a big thank you goes to Tamodi Lodge, Knysna Elephant Park, Ocean Safaris, and Kurland Hotel and Spa for sponsoring the prizes and supporting a great cause.

Lastly, thanks to Allan Farque for the delightful venue and service - definitely worth every second!

Sooneela Naina obo B10F, Plett

A memorial service for Gerald Thomas Edwards will be held at Plettenberg Bay Methodist Church at 10am on Friday June 14.

In lieu of flowers, donations to Hospice and Cansacare would be appreciated. - Lara and Ryan Edwards, Plett

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CXPRESS

SPORT & ADVENTURE

12 June 2019

Winners of mayoral sports weekend awarded LETT’S inaugural Easter Sports Awards evening was held in 2018 after the successful completion of the Mayoral Easter Sports weekend. Bitou Sport Council has been appointed by the municipality to assist with the organisation and implementation of these and other events.

Last year, mayor Peter Lobese expressed his wish to not only award prizes to Easter Weekend participants, but also to scholars and achievers in other sporting codes. As a result, the Sport Council suggested a custom-made Mayoral Medal of Honour, and the hosting of a special awards evening.

Due to the positive attendance and popularity of the 2018 event, it was realised that one evening is inadequate to address all achievers in their respective sporting codes. So last Friday night, only the participants of this year’s Easter Weekend were acknowledged.

The event will be remembered fondly by the 200plus athletes and officials who were wined and dined throughout the evening. A motivational address was delivered by SWD Cricket president Rudi Claassen, while the mayor in his speech emphasised the importance of sport and explained the involvement of local government.

The mayor and Sport Council intend to host another gala evening later in the year to acknowledge scholars and other local achievers.

The 2019 Mayoral Easter Games had no less than 68 senior and junior clubs competing for the honours, with these clubs coming out tops: • Senior Men’s Soccer Young Pirates Football Club • Boys U13 Soccer - Oriented Birds Football Club • Boys U15 Soccer - Plett United Football Club • Senior Ladies Soccer Lidz Football Club

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• Senior Netball - Jaguars Netball Club • Junior Netball - Seven Mighty Stars Netball Club • Cricket - Pioneers Cricket Club • 8-Ball Pool - Cue Masters Pool Club

Bitou Sport Council will continue working closely with the municipality to help clubs and individuals achieving their objectives, and so develop the community through sport and recreation.

WICKETS IN HAND: Plett’s Pioneers Club was the winning team in the cricket category - Photos: Vinthi Neufeld

KEYNOTER: President of SWD Cricket Rudi Claasen, pictured with his wife, was the motivational speaker on the night

BALL IN THE NET: Being an expectant mother has not deterred Rikka Jafta, left, from playing and motivating her netball club; she is pictured here with Celeste Harmse

GOLDEN MILE: Michelle Jantjies is the netball coordinator and a coach for the Golden Games

TOP BITOU SPORTO: Willie Swanepoel is Bitou Sport Council head and was also acknowledged on the night

Storms River

TIN HOUSE Self-catering accommodation