31 October

31 October 2018

Published every Wednesday by CXpress 2006 (Pty) Ltd - PO Box 1449, Plettenberg Bay 6600 - 6 Park Lane, Plettenberg Bay - Tel: 044 533 1004 - Fax: 044 533 0852 Email: editor@cxpress.co.za / advertising@cxpress.co.za Web page: www.cxpress.co.za Printed by Group Editors

The loss of Nico Heyns

Plett opens its gardens

Ministers’ bloated spending

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As this edition was being put to bed, several fires were still wreaking havoc in many corners of the Garden Route, with updates on evacuations and flare-ups flooding electronic and other communication channels. A delegation visiting affected areas included MECs Mbombo (Health), Fritz (Social Development) and Bredell (Local Government and Environmental Affairs), with a possibility that WC premier Helen Zille would visit the Garden Route District today. The N2 had been closed in various spots between Tsitsikamma and George, and severe weather warnings did all but ameliorate the situation. Turn to page 3 for more news in this regard.

Photo: Steve Ritky

Garden Route on fire

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CXPRESS

NEWS & VIEWS

31 October 2018

Mourning the loss of Nico, the aviator who cared BOB HOPKIN remembers a hero of our time, who lost his life in the line of fire-fighting duty last week T is not easy to write a tribute for someone you met for just two hours, some two years ago - but Nico Heyns was an exception.

The tragedy of his death last Tuesday in a helicopter accident while fighting fires near Riversdale has saddened all his friends and the many acquaintances made during his prolonged flying career, and at his residence on a small farm in the

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foothills behind Knysna.

Nico was not only a particularly accomplished pilot, but a very humble, approachable and friendly character.

Among his many achievements counts that he was the first South African to be trusted and trained by the Russians to fly their Mil Mi8 heavy-duty helicopter of which his company, Heyns Helicopters, subsequently purchased a small fleet.

More recently, his task in the employ of Kishugu Aviation was to be on constant call for Working on Fire, to counter large conflagrations along the Garden Route by scooping water drawn from any source - even swimming pools - and drop it on the flame fronts where lives and property were at risk.

Knowing it was vital to pinpoint the drop zone, he was often obliged to fly into and through

the smoke plumes above the fires which, on some occasions, necessitated a forced landing to vomit and clear his breathing before he could continue.

He gained the gratitude of hundreds of local residents for his skill and determination in battling the many serious fires experienced throughout the region over the years.

The Garden Route will miss a brave and caring man.

In September 2016, Bob wrote in a personal note to CXPRESS: “I am working on a new story that I hope will be of interest to you. You may recall that a major feature of the recent fire in Hoekwil was the brave efforts of a skilful helicopter pilot in collecting water from Island Lake and dumping it on the worst parts of the fire, in one case saving the life of one resident who was being scorched badly while cutting burning undergrowth by drenching him in water. I have just returned from a detailed interview with this pilot at his home and landing site, near Simola Golf Course. Are you interested?” Of course we were, and Bob’s story with the pics featured here were included in our September 21 edition of that year - turn to page 5 of that edition at www.cxpress.co.za to read the interview.

First news of the tragedy that took the life of Nico Heyns N Tuesday October 23, captain Malcolm Pojie of the SAPS media centre in George announced that Riversdale police had opened an inquest docket for further investigation following a helicopter crash in Vermaaklikheid, about 40km from Riversdale, shortly before 10am that day.

“Preliminary investigations indicate that the pilot of a

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Working on Fire helicopter lost control over the aircraft while busy extinguishing the raging fires in Vermaaklikheid.

It tumbled to the ground and crashed. The pilot, a man in his mid-sixties died on impact.

“He was later identified as 65-year-old Nico Heyns. There were no other occupants in the helicopter at the time of the incident,” said Pojie.

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Police at the scene had to arrange for the speedy removal of Heyns’s remains, as the fire was engulfing the area where the helicopter crashed.

“Members of the Civil Aviation Authority have already commenced with their investigation into the incident and its possible cause. Forensic experts, including the State Pathologist, visited and

combed the scene for clues,” he stated, adding that the investigation is ongoing.

Condolences have been flooding social media in the fortnight since the tragedy, with several reports including first-hand accounts of Nico’s bravery and unrelenting spirit when battling fires threatening to caused extensive damage to property, natural resources, and lives.

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NEWS & VIEWS

31 October 2018

CXPRESS

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Minister calls on province to support firefighters and victims as Knysna mourns its fallen By going to print, fires were still being battled across the Garden Route, where residents were reeling at the news of several victims overcome by a blaze in Karatara on Monday afternoon again have to witness such devastation and tragedy. Today we are once again forced to face more tragic deaths caused by the scourge of veld fires,” said Willemse.

“My heart goes out to all who are suffering the agony of the sudden deaths of their loved ones,” he concluded.

Situation by going to print Focus areas on October 30 included Eseljacht, Ganzekraal, and Louvain. The eastern border of the fire (Knysna municipal area) was being driven by galeforce westerly winds. It was proving difficult to get aerial resources airborne due to

BLAZING A TRAIL: This image captures the fire as it makes its way towards Wilderness Heights, a yellow fire-fighting plane being dwarfed by the scale of the flames - Photo: Carolyn Foster

ESTERN Cape Social Development minister Albert Fritz on Tuesday morning conveyed his deepest condolences to the family of the eight Karatara residents who lost their lives in a fire on Monday October 29. The victims include two women, an unborn child, and six children under the age of 12.

The minister said he committed his department to support the family and the broader community in this time of grief and need, and that its regional office in George had been mobilised to assist the family with psycho-social support and welfare services.

Support would be supplied in terms of emergency alternative accommodation and clothing, while social workers would provide assess-

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ments and trauma counselling to the bereaved family and community members.

“There are currently 262 individuals being accommodated at the George Civic Centre where the Social Development department and local municipality are assisting with feeding, support and registration, including 11 elderly people,” said Fritz.

He called on the broader George and Garden Route community to support the victims in this time of need, and assist the many people involved with fighting the ongoing conflagrations.

Donations towards firefighting efforts around George can be delivered to the Fire Brigade in Mitchell Street, behind the Outeniqua Primary sport fields.

Meanwhile, Knysna mayor Mark Willemse commented

on the wildfire that engulfed Farleigh and Karatara to claim the lives of eight residents and an infant.

“It is with deep sadness and regret that I learned of these deaths in the Farleigh area near Karatara.

My sincere condolences and sympathies go out to their relatives, colleagues and loved ones during this tragic time,” he said.

Around 840 people were evacuated from the Karatara, Farleigh, and Keurhoek areas and are currently being housed in the Brentonon-Sea, Sedgefield, Hornlee, Karatara, and Rheenendal Community Halls as well as at Totties Restaurant.

“A mere 16 months ago, Greater Knysna was rocked by the horrific June 7, fires and we all hoped and prayed that we would never

Condolences stream in for bereft local family Beloved Plett local Ian Pepler, 31 - pictured at right with bosom buddies Sheldon Conway and Tyrone Peace - was tragically killed in an accident on Plett Airport Road on Friday afternoon. A memorial service will be held at 11am on Friday November 2 at Wittedrift DR Church.

Messages of condolences have been flooding social media platforms since the weekend. CXPRESS extends heartfelt condolences to Pepi’s many friends and family.

the thick layer of smoke and morning fog in George area.

Nearly 1,000 people had been evacuated from Karatara; nearly 200 from the western side of Rheenendal, and more are being evacuated. Visit www.cxpress.co.za for the current state of fires and more images.

CCTV SECURITY SOLUTION FOR

KEURBOOMS RIVER

A newly installed security camera is making a positive difference for residents of Keurbooms River, outside Plettenberg Bay. It follows concerns, expressed by local residents, of a recent increase in crime.

“The initiative to upgrade security in the area was a joint effort between local estates, the community policing forums, and the Plettenberg Bay police.

Everyone agreed that something needed to be done, which led to the idea of installing a security camera network,” explains Steven Green, Garden Route Branch Manager at Fidelity ADT.

CCTV cameras were strategically placed at an entrance and exit point within the Keurbooms River area.

“The cameras now serve as a surveillance station, which monitors all activities within the footprint,” says Green. “We have already seen a reduction in criminal activities within a short space of time, and it’s incredible to see what a difference such a camera system can make in terms of creating awareness and increasing visibility.”

He adds that local community collaboration is critical in strengthening local security efforts, and thanked all the role players in Keurbooms River for their involvement.

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CXPRESS

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NEWS & VIEWS

31 October 2018

Knysna to benefit after signing tourism service level agreement with Wesgro HE service level agreement (SLA) between Knysna Municipality and Wesgro was signed last week by acting Knysna municipal manager Johnny Douglas and Wesgro CEO Tim Harris.

Western Cape Economic Opportunities minister Alan Winde attended the event and said tourism is an integral part of the Knysna economy, responsible for the creation of thousands of jobs.

Wesgro will be responsible for the delivery of tourism promotion services only on behalf of Knysna Municipality, and will work closely with the

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Local Economic Development department to ensure better collaboration between tourism development and promotion.

Wesgro CEO Tim Harris said several months ago, on request of Knysna Municipality and the Western Cape’s Economic Development and Tourism department, Wesgro was asked to investigate whether they could initiate a pilot project to provide local tourism promotion services for Knysna.

“We are excited today to finally sign the SLA with Knysna Municipality and commence destination marketing activities

in partnership with the tourism industry here. We believe the combination of support from the municipality, the strength of the local tourism industry, and Wesgro’s destination marketing experience will make this new arrangement a success for the Greater Knysna.”

Douglas said they would look towards Wesgro to provide joint working relationships and marketing opportunities with Cape Town Air Access, South African Tourism, the private sector and association bodies such as SATSA and Fedhasa.

In 2017/18, Wesgro’s

Destination Marketing Organisation supported a total of 32 tourism initiatives, with an estimated economic value of R454million. Their Cape Town Air Access team has added 13 new routes and facilitated 14 route expansions to date, making it easier for more people to visit the Western Cape by air.

Mayor Mark Willemse said Knysna was showing definite signs of rejuvenation after last year’s fires.

“The signing of this SLA with an entity boasting Wesgro’s reputation will only further enhance the rebuild initiatives that our beautiful town deserves.

New Horizons housing woes may be ending after landmark acquisition by Bitou A cluster of Plett residents are ‘cautiously optimistic’ after a land acquisition deal was signed last week - YOLANDÉ STANDER reports ESIDENTS of New Horizons have been lobbying for housing for more than two decades to no avail, which ultimately boiled over in protest action earlier this year. Along with other communities in Plettenberg Bay, locals participated in violent protests in June and July, which saw the town brought to a near standstill.

Bitou mayor Peter Lobese announced over the past week that the municipality had finalised a land purchase deal in New Horizons earmarked for about 1,500 sites available for the construction of housing and infrastructure development. The land in question is known as Hillview 437 Ebenezer.

He added that the land would be designated for construction of permanent housing in the form of RDP homes, Finance Linked Individual Subsidy Programme (FLISP) housing, rentals and infrastructure for site and services.

Lobese explained that the financing for the purchase had been secured

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through the Western Cape’s Human Settlements department.

“We are excited to announce the landowners were also part of this landmark deal for the benefit of the community,” Lobese said.

Concerned Citizens of New Horizons Forum spokesman Claude Terblanche said the last housing development in the area had taken place 23 years ago and therefore the entire community was “ecstatic” when land for this purpose was finally secured.

The deal was signed in front of New Horizons residents at the local community hall on Tuesday. Western Cape MEC for the department Bonginkosi Madikizela along with Lobese, Bitou municipal manager Thabo Ndlovu, ward councillor Anne Windvogel and the land owners were among the dignitaries.

Terblanche said while the community was very happy about the deal, they were cautiously op-

timistic about the development. “We have been disappointed in the past and soon there will be elections, so we hope and trust that developing the land would not fall through the cracks,” Terblanche said.

Madikizela suggested that the community meet with the municipality shortly after the signing to formulate a development plan for the land.

“This is a historical moment for the people of New Horizons,” Windvogel said.

She added all she wanted now was that all members of the community received their “own place”.

“I want to thank the people of New Horizons who stood up for your rights.

You were criticised, but you showed that the need [for housing] was high. I truly hope that the housing development comes to fruition very soon.”

ANC chief whip in Bitou Phakie Mbali said he was pleased that a solution had been found for the area’s housing issues.

“I’m also pleased that the municipality and the people of New Horizons will from now on pave a way for the development of the infrastructure and housing,” Mbali said.

Lobese announced that land earmarked in Kurland for the development of about 1,000 low-cost houses was going through its final stages.

He said deputy minister of Rural Development and Land Reform Mcebisi Skwatsha was securing the transfer of erf 562 to Bitou Municipality with an official signing and handover of the land due “in the very near future”.

Lobese also said that the municipality had appointed a consultant engineering firm to prepare tender documents to invite qualified construction companies to tender for the 169 top structures and servicing of phase 4A Qolweni.

This is set to be advertised over the next month.

He added that the purchasing of site 9834 Bossiesgif would be finalised by end next month.

NEWS & VIEWS

31 October 2018

CXPRESS

Glorious Plettenberg Bay gardens open to public for PAWS cause SUPERB SWEEPING VIEWS: Gardens at Brackenridge Estate, many of which have been designed by the awardwinning Graham von Hoesslin Landscapes team, invariably have a backdrop of mountains or ocean

LTHOUGH Plettenberg Bay has suffered a severe drought with water restrictions at times, some gardeners have managed to create showpieces to delight the public.

Plett Open Gardens, now in its seventh year, takes place on Saturday November 10 from 10am to 4pm. Readers can look forward to another enjoyable day outdoors, visiting four beautiful local gardens while supporting Plett Animal Welfare Service (PAWS).

Says organiser Marsja Hall-Green: “It was quite difficult to find four gardens this year as many people felt that their properties had been severely affected by the drought and would take time to recover.

“I am, however, delighted that we’ll be able to show one Hanois Crescent and three lovely Brackenridge gardens. We have found that people enjoy visiting this attractive estate with its spectacular views from many vantage points.

“Visitors come to enjoy not only our gardens, but Plett’s abundance of natural beauty that often forms breath-taking backdrops to the gardens on show. We are also thrilled that Rae Gilbert will host us at her famous Bosky Dell Rose Garden.”

This popular event is now a firm favourite on the annual Garden Route calendar and attracts visitors from as far afield as Mossel Bay. Last year, over 300 people helped PAWS to raise the impressive sum of R50,000.

Time spent at Bosky Dell is always a treat and, in addition to experiencing the roses in their first flush of colour, visitors can look forward to enjoying tea and scones while viewing Knysna Rose Society’s annual exhibition.

Another regular feature is the popular PAWS Plant and Cake Sale, which offers a variety of plants and delicious homebaked goodies at bargain prices.

Society pet portraitist David Hall-Green has again donated a water-colour worth R4,000 to be raffled. The winner will be able to choose the painting’s subject.

Last year Sally Milton, aka Plett’s Raffle Queen, was the deserving winner and asked David to paint a portrait of a grandson.

He was then commissioned to do the other grandson, too!

“As always we are grateful to the people who support this event as they make an important contribution towards our monthly operating costs of R75,000,” Marsja explains.

“I look forward to sharing these hidden gems, not usually accessible to the public, with garden lovers and others in pursuit of a pleasant day out. This is a special occasion, not to be missed.”

Entrance stickers at R100 can be bought on the day at any of the gardens, and maps will be available at the gardens as well as at Barney’s Kiosk at The Market Square, from November 5 onwards. Maps to the three Brackenridge Estate gardens will be available at the main gate on Piesang Valley Road.

De Bruyn Garden, Brackenridge Estate This newly-established garden with its spectacular views was designed to complement the modern and strong architectural

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lines of the house. The designer was asked to introduce elements of formality, which he achieved through lawned terraces and hedging, while softening the built area with colourful natural planting.

Species comprise mainly indigenous flowering ground covers, herbaceous plants and shrubs as well as succulents, proteas, pincushions and grasses. Non-indigenous plants were introduced for extra colour, texture and form. Large trees were installed for instant screening. Designed by Graham von Hoesslin Landscapes.

Rae Garden, Brackenridge Estate The steep slope of this site required the introduction and design of retaining walls, thus creating interesting planting levels.

The use of retainer blocks necessitated plants to cover and soften them.

The design aimed to achieve an English country garden feel, but featuring indigenous plants. Staircases bordered with clipped salt bushes lead to different areas of the garden where soft colourful planting was introduced. Designed by Graham von Hoesslin Landscapes.

Hawkes Garden, Brackenridge Estate This impressive indigenous garden, stretching over two stands at the top of a ridge, features several tranquil corners, each revealed as one walks around. The main section provides spectacular views over valley, bay and mountains.

The plan includes imaginative planting of some exotics to provide year-round colour and a lovely pond with a Robbie Leggatt otter sculpture. This lovely garden has matured since being a featured garden in 2015. Additional design and planting by Yates Landscapes.

Van Rooyen Garden, 38 Hanois Crescent When the owners bought the house about two years ago, the original layout and plant choice was based on low-maintenance succulents, including some impressive Tree Aloes, Ponytail Palms, Cacti and Cycads.

A forested area consists primarily of indigenous trees.

The new owners are keen gardeners and set out to soften their surrounds by introducing flower beds with natural colourful planting schemes. They created a natural stream to attract frogs. The plants were also selected to attract birds, bees and butterflies. Additional design and planting by Graham von Hoesslin Landscapes.

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CXPRESS

NEWS & VIEWS

31 October 2018

Crags couple wins big for care built prize event was opened by into lovely eco-lodge Karin Zoid and her band, ILLIE and Daniela Gouws of the newlyestablished Villa Villekula in The Crags this month scored an exceptional third prize in the nationwide Fix it with Flair competition, run annually by Home magazine and sponsored by Buco and Timbercity.

“We entered in March and out of 277 entries, were selected as one of five entries to be invited to the finals at Paarl’s Val de Vie Estate earlier this month,” says Daniela.

The main criterion to be eligible for the competition was that 50% of the building work to entrants’ homes or lodges had to be done by themselves.

Anyone who has had the good fortune to visit Villa Villekula will know that this eco-lodge oozes personal attention to detail, and a feeling of handmade love simply permeates the place.

“We had a lovely chit-chat session with the other four finalists and judges - Home magazine editor Wicus, creative director Mariaan, and Deon the DIY guy, supported by the owner of Buco Worcester, Henk.

“The next morning’s main

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DULY REWARDED: Willie and Daniela Gouws at the gala award function at Val de Vie with Home magazine editor Wicus Pretorius, right; below is Villa Villekula’s eclectic dining area

who immediately managed to strum away all tension in the room. We then had to answer a few questions on stage and finally, the winners were revealed,” she says.

Out of nearly 300 entries from hopefuls all over SA, Willie and Daniela placed third - a massive achievement. They appeared in Home magazine when a shortlist of the top 10 was released, and a feature on their lodge is due to appear in February next year.

“Our prize to reach the top 10 was a R3,000 Buco voucher, and we were rewarded with another R4,000 voucher when reaching third place,” says Willie.

“We will use the Buco vouchers to finish our last room, which will be our personal living space,” he explains. “For the past eight months, we have been living in all the different rooms as the building went along and now we can’t wait to finally unpack the last boxes and occupy our very own space.”

Email danielagouws170@ gmail.com or call Willie on 082 534 0360 for additional information.

Hats off to Plett-bred Grey High prefects

Plett teens Thamsa Donald, left, and Ben Roode were recently elected as Grey High prefects - an exceptional honour for these two locals who attended Greenwood Bay College and Plett Primary respectively. They were of course present - in Ben’s case along with twin Luke and younger boet Oli - when Grey old boy Siya Kolisi, at right, was awarded his Honours Blazer on October 19.The popular Springbok rugby captain was only the 12th recipient of this award in the school’s long and proud history. As many a rugby fan will know already, Kolisi grew up in the impoverished Zwide township outside Port Elizabeth and endured a tough upbringing. At the age of 12 he impressed scouts at a youth tournament in Mossel Bay and was offered a scholarship at Grey Junior. He subsequently moved up to Grey High, where he played for the first XV rugby team.

He was also part of the Eastern Province Kings youth set-up between 2007 and 2009, playing in the U16 Grant Khomo Week and the Under-18 Craven Week before shifting west to join Western Province. The rest, as they say, is history… What a privilege for all the Grey boys with homes in CX Country to have experienced this memorable occasion! - Siya Kolisi photo: Mitch Lovemore

BUSINESS

31 October 2018

Robbing Peter to pay Paul...

How are we going to downsize our bloated wage trough without a massive backlash? wonders STUART MURRAY after last week’s mid-term budget speech INANCE Minister Tito Mboweni has faced up to the fact that the fiscal cupboard is worryingly bare and that, to have any chance of an economic recovery - at least one that may keep the ratings wolves at bay - we will have to reduce our bloated civil service and equally overweight state-owned enterprises.

In fact, the cost of the entire public sector (we have 2.16-million civil servants on the payroll!) is an albatross around the fiscal neck.

The cabinet itself is a shining example. We have one of the highest number of cabinet members of any country - 35 in all.

What’s more, we have 37 deputy ministers. This does seem a bit odd... for whom do they deputise?

Cabinet ministers each take home R2,309,000 a year (last time I checked) plus perks. Deputy ministers struggle on a mere R1,900,000 a year.

President Ramaphosa collects a relatively modest R2,874,851 pay packet. He also gets an annual car allowance of a tad over R700,000. The deputy president’s annual salary is R2,716,718.

As for perks, ministers are entitled to purchase one car for use in Pretoria and one for Cape Town.

They are also allowed to use their cars for “any reasonable purpose” such as taking the kids to school.

Ministers may take their spouses on official

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international flights (first class) and both are entitled to 30 single business class flights a year within South Africa.

If they prefer, they and their spouses may travel between Pretoria and Cape Town by train - and this includes the luxurious Blue Train, which costs R20,280 per person in a first-class suite, one way.

Finance minister Mboweni made the point in his mid-term delivery that the public sector wage bill represents about 36% of the country’s budget,

ties is frightening. Only 33 received clean audits (Bitou was one drop-out) in the Auditor General’s report this year.

Lamenting that “they just won’t listen”, AG Kimi Makwetu has asked Parliament to approve the Public Audit Amendment Bill, which will give greater power to his department and includes calling in the Hawks and the police.

There is general agreement, within both public and private sectors, that the country urgently

‘We have one of the highest number of cabinet members of any country - 35 in all. What’s more, we have 37 deputy ministers. This does seem a bit odd... for whom do they deputise?’ adding that while the size of the cabinet is the prerogative of the president, it should preferably be no more than 25 members or, better still, 20.

Another stumbling block is that the current public service wage agreement exceeds budgeted baselines

by R30.2-billion; furthermore, about 85% of the current wage bill is due to higher wages rather than a higher head count.

Economists point out that employment creation through the public sector is no permanent solution to our high unemployment rate, creating fiscal strain in the long term.

The high cost of waste and corruption within the country’s 257 municipali-

needs more private investment, foreign and local, to help it out of its current economic hole.

Ramaphosa’s investment summit in Sandton - part of his drive to raise $100-billion over the next five years - followed Mboweni’s mini budget.

Foreign investment appears to be the big hope.

However, one of the president’s special advisors, former Standard Bank CEO Jacko Maree, when speaking at the opening, cautioned that “at least half the $100 billion will have to come from South Africa”.

As far as foreign investment is concerned, the big question is: how does the government make South Africa a more attractive investment destination?

Foreign investors are wary of economic and, particularly, political uncertainty. The spectre of land appropriation without compensation is not only about land; it raises the question: if land, what about property in general, businesses, banks, and so on?

The broad issue of rampant corruption is a serious stumbling block.

A recent global study by Price Waterhouse entitled ‘What foreign investors want’ found that factors such as trade openness, efficiency of government regulation, safety and security, property rights, control of corruption, and policy continuity all contribute to differences in foreign direct investment decisions.

Currently a popular suggestion in terms of attracting investment is to lower corporate tax rates, currently at 28% and the third-largest contributor to revenues after personal tax and VAT. It provides almost 18% of government income.

However, 28% is high by international standards.

A reduction might be one lure to foreign investors, but it would also take a bite out of government’s current income.

• Stuart Murray (stuartmurray758@gmail.com) is a former senior assistant editor of Financial Mail and co-founder, editor, and CEO of Finance Week. He is retired and lives in Plettenberg Bay.

CXPRESS

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CXPRESS

31 October 2018

INTERVAL

Easy as 1, 2, 3...

ARRY is getting along in years and finds that he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor, who tries a few things but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

The medicine man says: “I can cure this.”

That said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says: “This is powerful medicine. You can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ‘123’ and you will be ready for action for as long as you wish!”

The guy then asks: “What happens when the action is over and I don’t want to continue?”

The medicine man re-

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plies: “All you or your partner will have to say is ‘1234’, and you will be out of action again. But be warned - it will not work again for another year.”

Harry rushes home, eager to try out his new powers and prowess.

That night he is ready to surprise Joyce.

He showers, shaves, and puts on his most exotic shaving lotion. He gets into bed, and lying next to her, says: “123.”

He suddenly becomes more aroused than ever before, just as the medicine man had promised.

Joyce, who had been facing away, turns over and asks: “What did you say ‘123’ for?”

And that, my dear friends, is why you shouldn’t end a sentence with a preposition.

The solvent solution father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school on Parents’ Day, and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab.

“What are you work-

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ing on, son?”

“A universal solvent,” explained his son. “A solvent that’ll dissolve anything.”

His father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud: “What will you keep it in?”

Middle of the night calls N elderly man visited his doctor for a check-up.

“Mr Smith, you’re in great shape,” said the doctor afterward. “How do you do it?”

“Well,” said Mr Smith, “I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, and the good Lord looks out for me. For weeks now, every time I go to the bathroom in the

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middle of the night, he turns the light on for me.”

Concerned, the doctor found Mrs Smith in the waiting room and told her what her husband had said.

“I doubt that’s anything to worry about,” she said. “And on the bright side, it does explain who’s been peeing in the fridge.”

Tech support any which way ECH: “Hello, this is tech support. What can I help you with today?”

The user describes the problem, and the tech assistant rattles off a string of computer jargon.

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User: “Sorry, I don’t understand. Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?”

Tech: “Okay... Hi, could you please put your mommy on the phone?’”

Fine, you can sleep here... but only for tonight!

SOCIAL SCENE

31 October 2018

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CXPRESS

ENGLISH READERS WITH LOVE FROM WALSALL: Rotary Plett this week handed over to Harkerville School four large boxes of English readers, ranging from Grade R through to beginners, Grade 10, and O-levels. These much-needed books were donated by Queen Mary’s School in Walsall, UK, via Terry and Valda Henwood who requested Rotary to arrange transport from the UK to Harkerville. At left, Harkerville pupils join principal Chantal Mahmood, Plett Rotary president Neville Henley, at centre, and local Rotarians involved in the handover. Call David Pickering on 073 404 0577 if you’d like to get your hands on one of Rotary’s brand new calendars for 2019, and turn to page 13 of the October 24 edition at www.cxpress.co.za to find out about the Plett club’s many projects.

People, places & events

IT WAS AMAZING, INDEED: A pastiche of music, poetry and prose was presented by the Plett Choir and local musicians together with learners of the Sunday School of Saint Thomas’ Methodist Church at The White House Theatre on October 28, in aid of Hospice Plett. At right, Hospice Plett CEO Cecily van Heerden is flanked by administrator Debbie Bruinders and vice chair Annabelle Conyngham, right. Above, members of the Saint Thomas Sunday School choir who participated in the performance were, from left at back, Nadine Malan, Jason Solomon and Sunday School teacher Michelle Slack.

At centre are Hannah Basson, Jordan Coetzer, Riley Slack and Willies Malinga, with Hadassah Roets, Owan Zatu, Lilian de Kock, Nieves Slack and Chelsea Marais in front. Among those who attended It’s Amazing were, from left at top right, Reinash Moodley, Isvory Mabambo, Heidi Gericke (holding baby Saraniyah Moodley) and Jacky Moodley, all of them resident in Kranshoek. - Photos: Timothy Twidle

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CXPRESS

Handyman on call 082 492 4417 072 724 6590

31 October 2018

CLASSIFIEDS

ON THE SOAPBOX

31 October 2018

Letters to the Editor

Email: editor@cxpress.co.za - Fax: 044 533 0852 - PO Box 1449, Plett 6600

The saga of the ‘wireless’ phone…

It was towards the end of June this year that our telephone died. We practically lived on it, connecting with our extended family in Cape Town, Caledon, Johannesburg, and even distant Sydney.

The phone of our daughter, Jane, who lives on the same property as we do, expired at the same time. We rang Telkom’s ‘Faults’ crew, who gave us a reference number and assured us that all would be “fixed soon”.

We were not too worried at first, as a similar thing had happened a few years back when a gang of reputedly Nigerian thieves stole the copper cable.

Now, however, we were more dependent on it.

Without it, one cannot use the internet for emails, banking, or receiving ac-

counts and important communications.

About five weeks later, we were delighted to see a Telkom truck parked at our gate. A long ladder stood against the pole and at the top of it a workman was handling coils of black cable.

“Wonderful!” we said.

“They are replacing the cable!” Next day, to our horror, we found that the workmen and truck had vanished. So had the cable! (I have often wondered if Telkom was employing a few Nigerians or if perhaps some Telkom workmen had decided to get in first?)

Contacting Telkom by cellphone is a difficult and expensive business.

Your call is answered by a machine which warns you that your call is being

Caring wings ensure Calvin’s safe return after knee op

A huge shout out is due to CemAir (sponsor of Plett’s lifeguards for the past few years) for stepping in when we needed it most. We truly appreciate your support and community spirit, and your latest act of generosity has been no less incredible: there didn’t seem to be a way to get lifeguard Calvin home after a knee reconstruction at Groote Schuur Hospital in Cape Town. All financially-reasonable options would have been extremely painful for him, given the fact that his enormous cast precludes travel by any other means, particularly when taking into account the time it takes to reach Plett by car. Your generous sponsorship of flight tickets home for Calvin and his mom was an absolute blessing. What’s more, your ground crew in Cape Town were wonderfully understanding and helpful, as were the other passengers on their flight.

On landing in Plett, one of your staff members even lifted him down the last few stairs. With such awesome support, Calvin may even be back in the surf as a lifeguard next season! Thank you, CemAir! - Calvin’s Family, Plett

recorded. It then tells you to press various buttons for services of which you have never heard, gabbling so rapidly that you have to get it repeated five or six times.

If you are lucky enough to get through at last, it tells you that Telkom values your call and that you will be put through to the first consultant who is available.

Then comes ‘music’ which is composed to put you to sleep, interspersed with sermons telling how much Telkom values your call and all the wonderful things Telkom can do for you. (This may wake you up.)

After an hour or so, your cellphone tells you that you have run out of airtime and shuts down. If you are really determined, you buy some more airtime and start again.

Our daughter, Jane, whose phone had also gone, drove the 90km to Knysna and back to consult Telkom, for both herself and her over-90-yearold parents.

She was given a phone for us, but told that we should not attempt to use it until it had been installed by a Telkom official who would visit us within a week. (After nearly five months, we are still waiting!)

They regretted they did not have one for Jane, but would send one shortly.

A month after her trip, a large Telkom van arrived.

Three men got out and delivered a box. Inside it was a simcard.

“But where is my phone?”

Jane asked. “Oh, sorry about that,” said one of the men, “it was accidentally sent to Germiston!” The next time Jane enquired, it had gone to Vanderbijlpark. No one seems to know where it is now…

Two of our neighbours living at The Crags also had their simcards de-

livered by the men in the van. One has to admire Telkom’s efforts to create “decent” jobs, in this case having three positions, instead of one which could have been done by a youngster on a scooter.

No doubt they will soon strike for better salaries.

Let us hope that it will not be necessary to torch the Telkom offices.

Last week my wife and I trekked the 50km to Telkom’s office in Knysna, taking our new phone in the hope that it might be induced to work. We stood and sat for over an hour listening to the complaints of other customers.

(There were too few seats.)

At last we were served.

The phone was taken for testing and it was found that it could not be charged. The consultant suggested that it had been struck by lightning.

We pointed out that this was unlikely, as it had lain unplugged in its box on a desk.

He then said that he had found that we are not eligible for a phone as we were not on their list of clients. (We have had a phone since we moved to Plett 17 years ago.)

I said that in that case, I wanted back the money that Telkom had deducted from my bank account for services they had not provided during the last five months.

We’ve now been promised that our phone would be repaired in about two weeks.

I wonder whether it will be delivered by three men in a truck, or if we will have to trek to Knysna only to find that it has gone to Vanderbijlpark…

Mervyn Prior, Plett (Mervyn is the author of ‘Almost’, which we reviewed recently. Turn to page 12 of the October 3 edition at www.cxpress. co.za to find out more. Eds.)

One lane for a day doesn’t impact Odland traffic flow

This vehicle and trailer jack-knifed going up Odland Road on Wednesday October 24 at around 9:30am. It appears that mechanical failure caused the truck to stop and in braking while running backwards, the complete rig blocked the up going lane and Odland was converted to a one up and one down lane. The vehicle was still there when I passed at 2:30pm and the traffic was running smoothly, thanks to Bitou Traffic. - Dashcam Diaries, Plett

CXPRESS

Read CXPRESS online at www.cxpress.co.za

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CXPRESS

SPORT & ADVENTURE

31 October 2018

Read CXPRESS online at www.cxpress.co.za

Whether you’re a runner, walker, or keen on cleaning Robberg Beach, November 10’s your time to shine!

AND… THEY’RE OFF: The start of last year’s Rocks to Robberg Race, hosted annually by Greenwood Bay College - don’t miss this year’s event on the second Saturday in November

REENWOOD Bay College will host its annual Rocks to Robberg Race and Beach Clean on Saturday November 10, with this year’s proceeds benefiting Plett’s famous ORCA Foundation and Nature’s Valley Trust.

The Rocks to Robberg courses can be run or walked, and winners of each division stand a chance to score amazing prizes sponsored by local businesses, while a lucky draw will ensure that anyone in possession of a ticket may take home some loot, too.

This year’s sponsors include Steers, Debonair’s, Salon Divine, Boschrivier Stables, Periwinkle Lodge, Ocean Blue Adventures, Wild Waters, Roost, Simply Green, The Plett Shed, Monkeyland, Jukani and Birds of Eden, Jane Pitchford Art, and The Shop, among others.

If you are not a runner or walker, be part of the solu-

G

tion by joining the GBC team in cleaning this spectacular stretch of beach, which includes the Blue Flag-status Robberg 5, with free entry applying to beach cleaners.

An entry fee of R60 for adults and R40 for kids running or walking the 9km, 4.5km, or Littlies races will further the respective causes of two established and particularly productive local organisations.

ORCA The ORCA (Ocean Research Conservation Africa) Foundation is part of a volunteer community dedicated to marine conservation throughout South Africa.

Like many conservation projects, it depends on the willingness of others to contribute their time and efforts to furthering the volunteer and conservation ethics that go hand in hand to ensure a better future for generations to come.

NVT A major role-player in conducting ecological research in the region, Nature’s Valley Trust was established in December 2000 to proactively maintain the environmental integrity of Nature’s Valley and the surrounding area.

Today, the Trust is one of the biggest environmental education initiatives in the Western and Eastern Cape provinces and involves local communities to create sustainable conservation.

So those are two particularly good reasons to diarise November 10 and rock up at Robberg 1 (BI Rocks) for registration at 8:30am to sign up for any of the run/walk routes or beach clean. Stalls, fab prizes, food, and a whole lot of fun awaits! Contact Leigh at marketing@greenwood baycollege.co.za or call 044 533 2549 and visit www. greenwoodbaycollege.co.za for additional information.

Kurland FC uses home advantage to claim 2018 Top 8 Championship title LETT Football Association held a successful Top 8 Championships in Kurland last weekend. The eight local teams invited were Plett Saints FC, House of Hope FC and Strikers FC from New Horizons, Flame Attack FC from Green Valley, New Orlando FC from Kranshoek, and Fast XI FC from Pinetrees, with the two Kurland clubs being Liverpool FC and Kurland Strikers FC. Says spokesperson Adam van Rhyner: “Unfortunately, Liverpool couldn’t register in time and Fast Xl didn’t pitch up for their respective matches. But Saturday saw the teams battle it out in a knock-out format, with the four teams qualifying for Sunday’s semi-finals being Plett Saints, Kurland Strikers, House of Hope, and Strikers.”

The SAFA Eden women’s league also played their

P

Storms River

TIN HOUSE Self-catering accommodation

GREEN FOR GOLD: Congratulations to Kurland Strikers on becoming the 2018 champions

last matches that Sunday (see the story on page 16 of the October 24 edition at www.cxpress.co.za). So spectators were treated to a soccer spectacle as Plett Saints took on Strikers, and House of Hope challenged Kurland Strikers.

The semi-finals saw Strikers hammering Plett Saints 5-1 to advance to the finals, while Kurland Strikers took

House of Hope to penalties since their game ended in a 2-all draw. Eventually Kurland came out on top, beating House of Hope FC 4-2 on penalties.

During the final, Kurland Strikers used their home advantage to ease past their New Horizons namesake, beating them convincingly by three goals to one. Many congrats to them!