Events in Married Life of Gnani Purush Dadashri (Part-1)

Editor :

Deepak Desai January 2008 Vol. : 3, Issue : 3, Conti. Issue No.: 27

DADAVANI Events in Married Life of Gnani Purush Dadashri (Part-1)

Publisher, Owner & Printed by : Deepak Desai on behalf of Mahavideh Foundation, 5, Mamtapark Soc., Usmanpura, Ahmedabad-380014 Gujarat, India.

EDITORIAL In this current era of the time cycle of Kaliyug, the extraordinary wonder that has happened is that a Gnani manifested in the attire of a family man—a householder and we are fortunate that we got introduced to, and came to know, such a matchless Gnani Purush. We got opportunity to know the married life of such a Gnani Purush, ‘the One who was never before, and will never be again’.

Many people begin the initial steps of marriage life, but how many are there who fulfill the goal of life without getting entangled in troubles arising at each and every step? Pujya Dadashri used to ask, ‘what is the purpose of this marriage life? It is to come to know where the real happiness exists after the assessment of married life experiences.’ Pujya Dadashri continued doing assessment of experiences during every event of his married life and he accomplished the final goal of the life. We are aware of the results attained by him.

We are familiar with Pujya Dadashri’s life events. But the main intention of compilation of these events is to enable us to evaluate the very same events with unique vision and thus be enriched with special spiritual insights.

Married life events of Pujya Dadashri are common but the way his insight, ingenuity, understanding and conduct that manifest is wonderful. The more we will study in detail the peculiarities of these events, the greater will be to our advantage and we will experience similar art of life interaction developing in our life like Pujya Dadashri. In addition, over the time such qualities will develop within us.

He presented the phenomenal gift of ideal worldly interaction along with spirituality with the beautiful co-ordination of Gnan that he had attained. Not only that, it was not in the form of wordy knowledge but it was in the form of experiential evaluation. Because of this everyone who came in contact with him attained the keys, which can help to resolve his daily life problems and thus be blessed.

It was his desire that the worldly interactions of married people become ideal. If they say ‘my family’, then their worldly interaction can become loving and free of kashayas: anger-pridedeceit-greed. And after understanding the goal of life they can commence making effort towards achieving the same. And for that reason he taught spiritual knowledge along with the art of ideal worldly interaction. Through this teaching, the homes of many people have turned into a heaven and they experience happiness, peace and bliss.

It is our ardent prayer to make strong and unflinching decision of beginning spiritual effort towards fulfilling our goal of moksha through conducting ideal worldly interaction and settling the files with equanimity just like Pujya Dadashri. ~ Deepak Desai Subscription :Yearly Subscription - India: 100 Rupees, USA: 10 Dollars, UK: 7 Pounds 15 Years Subscription - India: 800 Rupees, USA: 100 Dollars, UK: 75 Pounds Printer/Press : Mahavideh Foundation, Basement, Parshvanath Chambers, Usmanpura, Ahmedabad-380014

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Events in Married Life of Gnani Purush Dadashri (Part-1) (Please note that ‘S’ for Self, or ‘Y’ for You, refers to the awakened one in Akram Vignan, or the eternal

Self. The ‘s’ for self refers to the worldly self. For a detailed glossary please see: www.dadashri.org/ glossary.html)

“I will not do without getting married. I will do whatever it takes for the Self-Atma, as a householder living amidst the world.

There is no one to question your decision.

All decisions are your very own only.”

Wedding was in the Decisions of Intellect in Past Life Dadashri is sharing his past life decisions through intellect: I had decided on my own regarding marriage. ‘Marriage or bachelorhood?’ The answer came, ‘can’t do without marriage.’

Then the next question, ‘what kind of a wife do you want?’ To this I asked, ‘Is it up to me to choose the kind of a wife?’ Then the answer was, ‘everything is in your hand. You have created this world. You are the creator of what you have got now.’ Then I asked, ‘is it in my hand to choose the wife? How can it be in my realm now (this life)? Is it under my authority?’

The reply came, ‘your merit karma punyai will be spent in it, for sure. You have this much merit karma. You decide where you want to spend it.’

‘Tell me, will you need a woman?’ he (Dada referring to the one in past life), ‘that is for sure.’ ‘What kind of a woman will you need? Will anyone do?’ ‘No, not just anybody, I will need a beautiful woman.’ Now see, spent quite a few percentage on beauty, because that was the bargain, wanted beauty, so more percentage of the punyai merit karma got spent on that. Next question, ‘do you want a woman of high society?’ ‘No brother, if she is from a high-level family, she would be very educated 2

and then she would boss over me. I am simple straightforward man. I will marry the one who accepts me as a God.’ And indeed I married such a one. So Hiraba (Pujya Dadashri’s wife) came, I liked her, I found her according to my design. ‘Do you want a graduate woman?’ I said, ‘No, at a minimum she should know Gujarati. Nothing else. I myself am going to fail in the senior year in High Schoolmatriculation.’ Now see, the two of us have no problems or interference dakhal with each other. She follows the way I guide her. No divisiveness due to difference of opinions, no ‘clash-making up-destruction-creation bhanjghad’ cycle.

Awareness Even When Getting Married ‘We - the Gnani and Ambalal’ were aware of the thought that arose in the wedding ceremony! At the time of wedding a new elaborate turban was wrapped on. We are called Kshatriya the protector and warrior class. In those days the Kshatriya young men of 15-16 years, used to wear the long outer wear along with the elegant head gear and they used to look so handsome. And these sons of Kshatriya were healthy and robustly all over. So I sat down to marry at the age of 15. And the marriage happened with great pomp, because dowry had been taken. In those days, three thousand rupees were taken. The marriage happened in 1923. That time when there was great poverty in the markets along with an economic depression. Nonetheless, they put up a carriage with four horses, with decorative lamps that got lit with chalk compound, and live band music was on. I sat January 2008

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under the marriage canopy to get married and Hiraba’s mama (mother’s brother) brought her gracefully and respectfully and she took the seat next to me. At that time she was 13 years and I was 15 years old. The turban material, which was satin smooth, became displaced from the weight of the headdress made from the flowers. It tilted and covered one of my eyes. So I could not see Hiraba. I looked up to take a peek but I could not see her. I knew that they would leave after placing the bride.

So I pushed the turban aside and looked. Then the thought arose from within, ‘Ah, she is beautiful.’ I had seen her before. My father and mother had understood my tacit approval.

If the bridegroom does not display any yes or no, then parents would take it that he is willing.

So their—the parents’ merchandise—young Ambalal—got sold. Three thousand Rupees came their way. And I did not have any problem with that!

But after that turban shifted at that time, the thought arose within, ‘this marrying has begun, and she is good, the bonding has begun, but from here on, one of the two will lose the spouse.’

Questioner: You had such thoughts at that young age?

Dadashri: Yes, would not such thought arise? At least one of the two wheels is bound to break. Whatever is built has to break one day.

Questioner: But one would have intense desire to get married at the time of marriage.

Now where is the time for such thoughts of dispassion in the intense illusionary-attachment moha environment of marriage?

Dadashri: But at that time a thought did come that whatever has started will come January 2008

to an end. Out of two, one will be widowed.

Either it will be her or it will be me.

Questioner: So did the bliss anand of marriage leave because of that thought?

Dadashri: There was no bliss anand at all. The joy and enthusiasm was of the doership of the ego ahamkar only. ‘I am something’, that was the joy. People have happiness of moha illusionary attachment. My mother-in-law kept staring at me. She had lifted me at that time I was 15 years old. My motherin-law adored me. She had said, ‘we cannot find son-in-law like this, his face is round like a ladoo (Indian sweet balls).’ Now she was in her moha and I was in my ahamkar ego of doer-ship. But this wheel will break, one will become widow for sure. What will happen to us then?

Hiraba Never Talked Against Dadashri Questioner: Dada, did you have clashes in your married life with Hiraba?

Dadashri: In the beginning of our married life, we had some clashes. Because when man and woman get married at that time the man decides that, ‘I will never let the wife win.’ That is why dispute keeps arising between the two. They do make us play with money during the wedding ceremony (a competition between a bride and a bridegroom, of finding a coin of one rupee from the bottom of the plate full of water and kanku-red powder). Did you do that? Who would let go that one rupee coin, into the hand of a woman?

Oh, I tell you, I had pinched her hand!! If the bride picks up that one rupee, he would lose his reputation amongst everybody, would he not? Dispute-destruction/construction cycle of relationships - bhanjghad starts the moment one gets married. These bhanjghad exist 3

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within, do they not? So it is worth understanding this world.

I had a very heavy ego in those early days. I used to go around with a group of twenty-five friends. At that time I used to think that all my friends’ wives would accompany them to movies, interact in conversations with them, and live together as friends and why did I end up with someone like this Hiraba? Hiraba was not educated much, and therefore, I used to experience uneasiness in the mind.

Afterwards the friends with the educated wives started saying to me, ‘no one is as happy as you are. See, Hiraba does not talk back at you. She has never talked against you. If you ask for tea then she would bring it right away.’

So they had come to the correct conclusion within! I did not know where my friends felt bitter about their wives. I used to see the sweetness of my friend’s superficial interaction with his wife, while he found her bitter. That would be their inner experience, and that is why they used to tell me, ‘you are the truly happy one.’

I have never taken Hiraba to watch a movie. Hiraba would not even come with me.

She would say, ‘No, I will not come with you.’

“All kinds of knowledge would present, and I can ‘see’ them all, at a time. Before even the onset of divisiveness due to differences of opinions, my Gnan would be present. That is why divisiveness due to difference of opinion did not arise in our entire life together.”

Excessive Generosity or Economizing Is Wrong We Patidar Patels are set in our ways.

When we pour ghee over our food, we just 4

tip the container 90 degrees, and we don’t tip it slowly, a few degrees at a time, like other people do. Hiraba, she would tip it carefully, a few degrees at a time. I did not like that; it was bad for my reputation.

Hiraba and I had argument and verbal exchanges in our earlier days. My friends were invited and she had made churmu (a sweet dish made up of flour, ghee and jaggery on top of which additional ghee is poured at the time of serving). Hiraba would pour the ghee.

At that time we had this custom of pouring ghee directly from the open cookware pot.

We did not use a spoon or anything else and the ghee used to be pure in those days. The nature of Hiraba was reasonably normal, she would pour ghee for all and as much he wanted. This is not wrong either. The one who was eating did not feel anything; he knew that she would give, as much he needed, and that was her nature. But I was the big generous‘noble’ one, who held that she should tilt the whole container. My nature was little abnormal at that time. After Gnan, it has become normal.

So Hiraba was tilting that container of the ghee slowly, and seeing that I became very upset and annoyed. After they left I scolded her. I said, ‘you are tilting and making a thin stream like this? This will not do. You should tip the whole container straight away.’ Something did not sit well with her. She replied, ‘I would give, but slowly. What is the meaning of spilling it, by giving it your way? Was I going to give your friend any less?’ Then she told me, ‘you have insulted me in front of everybody.’ After then, I understood that it was clearly my mistake. My nature was abnormal. But this is only craziness, it is called madness. It is a kind of an illusionary attraction aasakti. To be excessively noble-generous is madness and to become excessively frugal is also madness.

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Normality is required. With such clashing, finally it settled down in two to four years only. I understood. I did the internal assessment that she was correct and I am not to interfere in that which is correct again. Once I decided that in this matter she is correct, that means it is correct only. Everything else is dependent on circumstances and even God cannot change that.

After this even if ghee is being spilt through the hands of Hiraba, I would be the ‘seer’ of it all. This is because ‘our’ Gnan remains present that she is not spilling it. Even if I ask her to spill, she would not do that. Yet she spills, so it is a thing to watch. Such is our Gnan, it will be present at the moment. But I had recognized that prakruti innate nature, the non-self complex is like that. So even if I were to spill she will scoop it and I will not have any problem.

“Before the onset of matbhed divisiveness due to difference in opinion, I would know how to turn around, and you know to turn to the right or the left, making knots on each side you turn. I would know seventeen lakhs kinds of ways to turn in order to settle with equanimity. I would not let matbhed arise.”

Differences Of Opinions Between Husband And Wife Once I had discord with Hiraba. Even I got myself trapped in a difficult situation. If you are interested, I can tell you. It is not a long story, just a short one.

Questioner: Yes, do tell us.

Dadashri: Yes, but it was not her mistake, it was mine. I am the one who does not want to have any discord. She does not care if any discord occurs or not. I am the January 2008

one who does not want discord and so it is considered my mistake.

Hiraba asked ‘the eldest of the four daughters of my brother is getting married.

What should we give her as a gift?’ It would have been fine if she did not ask this. Whatever she would have decided to give, I would not have objected. But when she asked me, I responded according to my intellect. So when she asked, I said, ‘Instead of having something new made why don’t you take one or two pieces from all the silverware we have in this cupboard and give them as a gift?’ Do you know what her reply was? In our house words like ‘mine-yours’ are never used. Only the words ‘our-ours’ are used. So she said: ‘When your uncle’s son got married you gave huge silver plates.’ Now on that day she used the words ‘mine’ and ‘yours’, otherwise she would always say ‘ours’. She would never make the division of ‘mine’ and ‘yours’. This was the first time. I thought to myself ‘Today I am trapped!’ I realized my mistake right away and looked for an opportunity to get out of this predicament. Now, how can I mend this damage? The bleeding had already started, how could I apply the bandage in order to stop the bleeding?

So that day ‘mine-yours’ occurred.

‘Your uncle’s son’, she told me, the situation went that far. I realized that I had made a major mistake. So that day I saw that I was about to take a fall. I immediately corrected myself. It is better to do that, than to create discord. I turned the situation around quickly and completely. I told her, ‘I did not mean to say that!’ ‘I am trying to say something else.

There is a little misunderstanding on your part.

I am not saying that.’ So she asked, ‘Then what are you saying?’ So I replied, ‘Give her the small silverware and in addition give her 5

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five hundred rupees in cash. She could use that money!’ In turn she replied, ‘you are too guileless, how can you give so much?’ I realized I had won over the situation. So then I told her ‘you can give whatever you want to.

All four of your nieces are like our daughters’ at that point she became content! ‘You are truly divine’ she said.

So I got out that day. Otherwise I would have been trapped. She used the word ‘your’ uncle’s son. Can one ever say ‘mine-yours’?

We are one family, if we say ‘mine-yours’ in this manner, then what is left?

You see I fixed the damage. I knew that if I had said five hundred rupees, she was not likely to give that much. I passed the responsibility to her. I knew her nature. If I gave her five hundred rupees, then she would only have given three hundred. Therefore, tell me why should I have a problem in giving her the authority?

Dadashri: Yes, will you not need to know this adjustment? One will need to learn the art of living, will he not? So she says to me, ‘you are so guileless bhoda! Five hundred rupees are a lot!’ I said (inner conversation), ‘our account is settled. See it is patched up.

It did bleed a little within me, but the band aid is on now.’ Should not one need to learn this, brother?

Questioner: No, no problem.

Dadashri: I said to myself, ‘now I won.’ I won the moment she said I was guileless. But I won over that day; otherwise it would have been a real division between us due to difference in opinion matbhed. ‘Mineyours’ and the grudge would have remained.

I know that she would not be able to give five hundred rupees, but if she does so, I would be happy. She has the true heart and the wish to give, but her hands will not let her.

I do wish that when she comes from Vadodara to Mumbai two to three times in a year, she would come by air. I have been telling her to take the air route, for the past fifteen years, and that she is free to fly by plane whenever and wherever she wants to. I know that she is not going to, then why should not I ask?

Then she will say, ‘you can go by plane, I do not want to, you can go!’ Once she had come to drop me off when I left for America, only that time she had traveled by plane. Otherwise she will not fly, even if I say she will not.

Would we not know her prakruti?

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Questioner: Hmm, now I have learned this point.

Questioner: But ego will take over there, ‘I am the husband’, why should I let myself stoop low?

Dadashri: Mooah (the one who is dying, special exclamation used by Dadashri to shake up the listener)! You, a husband!? A husband would be so noble and forgiving.

Would he be like you?

The one who lets himself down is a wise person. I used to tell Hiraba, ‘I made a mistake, I make many mistakes.’ Then she will say, ‘you are not at fault.’ On the contrary if I admit my fault then she will say, ‘you are not at fault.’ And if I say that I have not made a mistake then she will say you have made a mistake. So, will you not get a fruit (!) if you insist on being the right one, when in fact she is right? Does the soul not reside within the wife?

The thoughts were arising in her mind that I was giving less to her side of the family.

Instead, she said, you cannot give so much!

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Questioner: Did you turn around or did you let it go?

Dadashri: I did not let it go and let loose. It was indeed my mistake. How can such thing happen? Can you allow the division of ‘mine-yours’? So I thought, what a thing to say that made her say ‘mine-yours’. I realized my mistake, ‘oh ho! Did I make such a big mistake? The one who has risen out oftranscended—worldly interactions—can such a man ever speak such a thing?’ But I mended immediately. I would know right away. So I did not let go of it. It was my mistake only.

Questioner: Can we say that you corrected the conflict?

Dadashri: Yes, I mended. I was going to say that give this plate instead I turned completely. That is why I said to give five hundred rupees and I knew what she will say if I ask her to give five hundred rupees. So I am not here to waste money. I do not want to waste money and create matbhed divisions due to difference in opinion. I do not want to allow misunderstanding to arise.

Questioner: So you took care.

Dadashri: Yes, I opened up the mistake that, this that happened is my mistake. I understood that this is a mistake. Such thing has never happened on any day of our life together, and it happened then? I came to know—janyoon that this ‘mine and yours that happened’ means I am no longer worthy within my own home, it is over. So what did I say that she had to speak like this? But my brain is very powerful. I have lot more bodhakada art of explanation and gnankada art of knowledge, all kinds of arts would be working instantly. So instantly the brain would say, ‘give five hundred rupees.’ Then she will say, ‘you January 2008

are so bhoda guileless!’ So the mistake is mine, and you are the one who got trapped, that is what ‘we’ understand.

Questioner: Dada patched up the one which was about to break and made her happy too.

Dadashri: Yes. How happy would she feel? She has been telling me all along that you are so guileless. Why? Because, ‘if someone comes and tells you that, ‘such thing happened to me, that thing happened to me’ then you give away everything from the cabinet. You have learnt only that.’ That is why I had understood that guilelessness bhodpan is there.

That is right. But my guilelessness, was different, I used to give deliberately. This guilelessness was deliberate, not out of being fooled and cheated. This helps the pain and hurt of the other person. He might be deceiving yet his pain will decrease, and that is why I would let him cheat me. I am not that guileless.

I have a thorough understanding about the ways of this world.

So Hiraba had believed me to be guileless bhoda from the beginning. At that time I said (internally) that, ‘this one dependency is good, for me’, as long as she holds this opinion for me, I remain faultless in her court. I am permanently faultless in her high court.’ If I were clever then only I would become guilty, no? Guileless only, that’s it!

Just look, how I took care and averted the matbhed by turning around! In the end, I did not let any divisiveness arise between the two of us. For the last so many years not even an iota of conflict due to matbhed has arisen between us. Hiraba is indeed like a Goddess. ‘We’ never let any matbhed arise at anywhere.

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“‘I’ had investigated whether there is any solution of these internal matbhed divisiveness secondary to differences in opinion? I did not find the answer in any scriptures. Then, I discovered the solution myself and the solution is that if I get rid of my opinion totally, then there is no scope for a difference of opinion. Your opinion is my opinion.”

Why do we need to meddle in this? What do you think? Should we meddle in this?

Knew the Divisiveness from Her Opinion

Questioner: I am cunning and clever, Dada is naïve and guileless, was that what she used to say?

One day Hiraba says to me, ‘I will live only here at Mamani Poda. I will not stay in that new home just built near Kothi (In Vadodara).’ I said, ‘you may stay wherever it is convenient to you.’ Yes, ‘I will not insist that you live there, instead I will say, ‘wherever you feel convenient you can live.’ The owner of the current house would think in his mind, would have some doubt, that now his own house is built and yet he is not vacating this home. So we will give little more rent to the owner. I had said that we will give him as much rent he asks for, and he also understands that he does not want to make it difficult for us. But I would still satisfy him. What is his fault in this? We have different house so we have to live there, no? We have to go to our home, no?

Questioner: Yes, that is correct.

Dadashri: Recently something happened that would have caused matbhed.

One night I said to her, ‘this lady can cook easily, so why then is there a need for a cook?’ She replied, ‘I will not eat anything she cooks.’ The next morning I told her, ‘you may call a cook whenever you need, call two instead of one.’

Why did I speak like this? She can do whatever suits her. Why do I need all this?

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Questioner: No, no, it depends on her circumstances.

Dadashri: We have to see the circumstances. Hiraba still thinks I am guileless.

Hiraba still tells me, ‘you are guileless. I am not.’

Dadashri: Yes, ‘Dada is bhoda guileless.’ I need that only. If she says guileless, then she would leave me alone, wouldn’t she?

Questioner: Yes, she would let you go.

Dadashri: If I become cunning and crafty paaka then she would not leave me.

She would leave me alone if I am guileless bhoda. And if a mistake happens then she will say, ‘It happened because he has no guile.’

No bhanjghad creation-destruction problem at all, no? From the beginning I had created an impression of being guileless.

Now really speaking she is the one who is guileless. I am not at all guileless. I used to let go of everything knowingly—with awareness janeeney and for her it would go unknowingly—without awareness.

Questioner: If it leaves unknowingly, it is called bhodu without guile.

Dadashri: That is exactly why she is called guileless. If someone were to call me as guileless then I would say the one who is calling me guileless is indeed guileless. You don’t know me at all. But I let go deliberately. I would give whatever he asks for, I would not keep anything with me, and such was my nature. The reason for this is that I did not January 2008

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have any greed whatsoever. Not in the least.

I do not need anything at all and if I have anything I would give away. Nothing would stay with me. That is why my business partner had said that it is not worth for you to take care of money. I also had said that do not give me at all, because money will not stay with me.

That is why Hiraba would also say that, ‘we cannot give you money at all.’ Then I said, ‘Do not give me. Do not give me at all.’

If someone comes to me and tells me his problems, I would readily open the door of the cabinet and give him some.

Hiraba used to tell of me, ‘He is like a celestial God.’ She says, ‘this husband is like a celestial God.’ That means it is in our hand to become a God, isn’t it! What do you think?

“If I too behave like her then it would create matbhed divisions due to difference of opinions. I would understand immediately, what she says, with what intention and goal she says. So I would allow it and say that it is all right.”

Never took the Bait of a Trap Questioner: Dada, Hiraba used to say that she also employs some kapat deceit. At that time what kind of adjustments did you make?

Dadashri: Hiraba was saying to me, ‘you may not let it have but I do allow kapat deceit within.’ Then I said, ‘We do not have anything like deceit.’ Then she says, ‘but I do keep deceit.’ Why women lie frequently in little matters, I do know that, don’t I? I would ask Hiraba, ‘where have you been?’ She would have gone this way and would say this way (another direction), and then I know that she is saying this because of fear. Women have January 2008

this tuber of fear, for no reason. Now even if we do not scold them that tuber remains there within.

Other people also speak like this but I know and let it go. Now there is no harm in speaking like this. Where do I catch a mistake?

I would just see if there is any inclination to make a mistake, that is, is there any inclination to cheat or be insincere. I would not look for anything else. Everything else is relative worldly interaction. If I were to ask her, ‘where did you go?’ her reply would be, ‘at a certain place.’ Then I would reply, ‘no problem.’ I would let go. ‘We’ would understand within, that the mind needs some space to feel elated.

Does it not?

Questioner: I did not understand that!

Dadashri: If one is harassed and irritated, he looks for something that will make him feel good and elated. So let him feel elated.

At that time if I ask or inquire, the mood may be unpredictable, so I feel amused within, and understand that she is going out to get some mental space and elation. If this space is not given, it will go crazy. So some space has to be given to the mind.

I have come out from all these ways, and that is through experience. So now I do not have that. But I do know that certain places are like that, predicaments do exist, and in that the poor people are faultless and take beating for no reason.

“What is the meaning of ‘Samaya varte savdhan-exercise caution according to the event in time’? It means when the wife loses her temper, you should remain calm and alert. ‘Samaya varte savdhan’, so when such time comes it is necessary to be cautious.”

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Exercise Caution, Avoid Conflicts When you got married in the presence of so may guests and relatives, with the Sun and the priest as your witness, the mantra chanted by the priest was, ‘Samaya varte savdhan’. (Exercise caution according to the event in time) When the priest says ‘Samaya varte savdhan!’ he understands it, but what does the person getting married understand?

What does this mantra mean? It means that when the wife loses her temper, you should remain calm, and alert. Only then, you qualify for the marriage. If she gets angry and you also get angry, then you have not exercised caution in time. When she gets upset, we should calm everything down. Isn’t it necessary to be cautious? I had remained cautious. I never allowed any discord in my marriage. As soon as any discord started, I took out the welding kit. People on the other hand throw a tantrum on the dining table if the daal (soup) has become salty, instead of taking an adjustment. So the main thing is that soup has become little salty then this is the time that you have to exercise caution and eat a little less of it, but do not make a big fuss, and that is why we are saying ‘samaya varte savdhan’, but people do not become alert at that time and instead speak up instantly. Hey, mooah (the classic term used by Dada to awaken the one who is destined to die), even little kid would know that it is salty, would he not? This one would speak up first.

What women would gossip to each other? ‘This one is a black face, a no good bum that brings bad news only.’ They know many other phrases but will not speak out loud. So mooah, remain straight rather than facing such insult and discredit. Become wise.

On what basis did the kadhee (soup) become 10

salty? It is dependent on supportive factors. It has a supportive reason. It is not baseless, not support-less. This reaction and outburst is madness. Lacking understanding, he says, she made that soup salty. Mooah, would she cook like this? Even if you give her a hundred rupees she will not ruin it. The kadhee has been made with some reason behind it.

One time kadhee - common yellow spicy Gujarati soup made with yogurt and chickpea flower, served to me turned out to be salty, I would eat less of it and I had no choice but eat it. So then to cut down on the saltiness, when Hiraba went inside I added some water and she caught me doing this and she exclaimed, ‘What did you do?’ I told her, ‘you add water to the kadhee when it is on the stove and I add water to it on table.’ Then she says, ‘but I can add water when kadhee is on stove and boil it for you.’ I said, ‘for me everything is boiled only. I just need to get over with it.’ So when kadhee becomes salty and when she is not around I add some water to it. And she would say sometime that this vegetable had become salty and you did not say anything. Then I said, ‘would you not know that?’ Why do I need to tell her something that she is going to eat?

So I had not said anything, not even a letter. I would never belittle her, ever. She would not do the same for me either. So we had taken such adjustments from the beginning.

As far as possible there was no clash of any kind. Other than this the life was spent well.

Never in fifty years has ‘he’ (maintaining separateness-Ambalal) said that this food item has become salty. I would just eat wherever and whatever is served. Now I talk with this Niruben a little and ask her to make a little change. Because of older age and health I January 2008

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would ask her to prepare and make certain changes. Yet whatever happened, I would manage.

Questioner: But Dada you had so much awareness. You diluted the kadhee subtly because you did not want to tell Hiraba it was salty because it would hurt her feelings.

Dadashri: Yes, many times khichadee rice and lentil mixture, would be partially cooked, even then, I have not said anything.

People told me, ‘if you do this way then you will ruin everything in the house.’ I said, ‘Just watch tomorrow.’ So then next day it would become all right.

This Gnan manifested at the age of fifty.

But I used to add water in kadhee if it was salty, even before this Gnan. Or what I would do? If there is shiro (sweet dish made of cream of wheat, ghee and sugar) then I would add that to the kadhee to cut down the saltiness. I would take adjustment so I can eat. Then I would not ask for sugar or anything else. So she would not find out that kadhee (soup) was salty. I would not say anything. I would not ask for anything. If you ask around people in neighborhood they will say Dadaji has never complained. Why should I speak?

Everybody is there to speak, no! They are clever.

It is all in mind. Just because people believe something should be done in a certain way, they think it becomes ruined if anything is done contrary to the way they do it. Nothing is ever ruined. Everything is made of the same five elements – air, water, fire, earth and space.

So nothing is going to be ruined.

Sometimes at home, ‘we’ get served tea without any sugar. ‘We’ drink it without saying a word. Many times even Hiraba is not January 2008

aware of this, she will only realize it if she drinks the tea herself. ‘We’ do not have to say anything as far as the daily activities are concerned. ‘We’ only have to say anything if something new is being installed in the house, but putting sugar in the tea is routine. It is only today that she forgot the sugar, so what is the need for saying anything. To put sugar in the tea is vyavahar and so if tea without sugar is served, ‘we’ would understand that that is the vyavahar of the day. Therefore, ‘we’ would drink the tea without saying anything.

The Wife will Respect if Husband Maintains His Respectability Questioner: Would you not scold Hiraba if she did not cook the meal properly?

Dadashri: Leave alone the poorly cooked meal. Even if she were to drop a hot charcoal piece on me while moving it from one place to another, I would not say anything.

Questioner: Then why does she fear you and become tense due to you?

Dadashri: That is it; she would feel fear just because I do not scold her. The energy and respect of a person is lost when he fights, scolds or displays anger. Once the dog barks (the angry man), then everyone understands that he has no substance, is useless. His energy and status is only there in silence. ‘Bhabho bhaarma, to vahu laajma, - if a farmer maintains his respectability, then his wife will respect him.’ this statement is clear.

Questioner: I understood properly.

Dadashri: That is why Hiraba had constant feeling of uneasiness even if I do not speak anything or scold her.

But later on matbhed divisive effects due to differences of opinions, with Hiraba 11

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decreased, and then stopped. This is because I learnt to say, ‘my family’, ‘this is my family’.

Then I inquired, ‘what is the meaning of my family?’ The answer came from within, ‘it means that there should not be any bhanjghad clash followed by making up. There may be differences in thoughts, but there is no bhanjghad. Clash simply does not exist. We do not clash at all. Yes, there is no dakhal interference in the realm of the other person, in the family. Interfere outside if you must. This is called one family. Therefore stop creating interference from tomorrow, she too will do the same in response.

We had jagruti awareness, every second of the twenty-four hours, after then, this Gnan began. This Gnan has not manifested just like that. When you ask, that place would appear in my darshan vision and then it will come out in the speech. Darshan means it would appear as it happened. The way it had happened, it would appear alive as it was.

Questioner: Please tell us other experiences like this.

Dadashri: I had lots of experiences, how many shall I tell?

Questioner: Tell us as many you remember.

Dadashri: It depends on what topic comes out today. This is a taped record; it will come forth when it does. Otherwise it may not come out.

Questioner: If it wants to, let it come out. Everybody feels great joy in listening to it.

Dadashri: Yes. People do enjoy very much. But all this awareness jagruti should arise. Why should this hollowness and insincerity polumpol carry on?

12

“These are roonanubandha karmic ties of sansar worldly life. Accounts are of give and take. We also had a son and a daughter. But they came and left. The guest arrived and the guest left. Is he our luggage at all?”

No ‘My-ness’ for the Guest Questioner: Dada, how many children did you have?

Dadashri: We had a boy and a girl. In 1928, when the boy was born I celebrated his birth by distributing pendas (sweets) to all my friends and when he died three years later, I did the same thing. At first everyone thought that another boy was born to us. I waited until they finished the pendas and then I told them: “The little boy who was a guest in my house, has now left.” We greet them with love and respect when they come, so we should do the same when they leave. Everyone became very upset and started scolding me. Such scolding is inappropriate. We should show respect when they leave. After that, a little girl was born to us and she too died in infancy. She also received the same welcome and farewell.

Now there is no one left except Hiraba (Dada’s wife) and myself.

I was happy when our son and daughter left, I was happy, does not mean that it is good, if I had then it was all right and if I do not have then also no problem, because they are guests.

No one is son of anybody and no one has become father of anybody. This is bondage of a debt or a credit, a karmic connection of give and take. This is not the credit-debit of money, it is the settlement of the account, e.g.

I had caused you to suffer miseries, now you come to pay me back. People are getting free January 2008

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from the bondage of vengeance, so when my son and daughter had died I thought, ‘did anyone become ours?’ When your very own body does not become yours, how can the son of this body become yours? Can he? Does this son belong to Soul or the body?

Questioner: At that time, did Hiraba feel any loss and suffering?

Dadashri: Hiraba did not feel good.

She told me, ‘how can you do such a thing?’

And even my friends had told me, ‘this is not right, how you can do this?’ I explained if I had told you that I had distributed pendas (sweet) because my son had died then you would have had to bring on a sad face even if you could not. Instead this is good, no bhanjghad why not enjoy and be merry!

When parents grieve for their dead child, it brings suffering to the child. People do all sorts of things in ignorance. You should accept things and stay calm. Why all the unnecessary fuss? Everyone will lose his child at some point in time. Will we not also have to leave, one day? It is our duty to give happiness to those who are living and dependent on us. Those who are gone are gone forever, so stop crying for them. What people do instead is keep remembering those who have gone and neglect the ones who are living and present in front of them.

However I did not like to become a father puppo. I was father for sure, no? When he (son) left I said, ‘Sacchidanand - the awareness of the eternal is Bliss.’ If he had lived there was no problem and if I had to get my daughter married then also there was no problem.

Questioner: Why did you not like being a puppo father?

January 2008

Dadashri: No, it was not about like or dislike. Whoever came to your shop, is your customer and if he left then also he is a customer.

Questioner: But if he is gone then do you feel relieved? Do you feel that you are free as he is leaving?

Dadashri: No, not like that. I was not bound in a first place, then where is the place for the freedom? I felt that, ‘the guest, who had come, is now gone.’ Guest comes and goes.

Some account was still pending with us that is why they came. Otherwise will people hold them (children) and play with them? No, because they have pending account with them.

Who ever comes to our home we should say, ‘welcome brother, it is good.’ Are they our children? It is just in the mind that one feels that he is the father of a child and is blown up with joy.

Before Gnan – enlightenment, Hiraba says, ‘our children died so now we do not have children, and so what will we do? Who will look after us in our old age?’ This would make her worry. I told her that the children of today only cause more trouble than what it is worth. I asked her what she would do if her son became an alcoholic. Then she says, ‘no, I would not like it.’ She realized later on that what I was saying was true when she witnessed the problems other parents had with their children. Then I said, ‘I was telling you from the beginning but you did not believe me.’

This that belongs to other, can it ever become your own? Why worry for no reason?

This body does not belong to you and these relatives belong to this body. This is foreign parko non-Self, and it is the property of the non-Self, how can it ever be yours?

13

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One ascetic told me, ‘you will have a son.’ I said, ‘tell me, why a boy and a girl that I had, why did they leave?’ He replied, ‘we will talk about later things later.’ One person was giving me a blessing. ‘Why do I need blessing?’ I had said like this. If we have children then it is all right and if not, then also it is all right. Why do we need to spend merit karma for this? I had felt that it would not do without a wife. After then, I had no problem with what she may have asked for (in the past life). If we do not have children, then also there is no problem.

Addressed The Wife as 'Baa' After Sexual Relations Ceased I have addressed Hiraba as ‘Baa’, from the time all sexual relations ceased between us. Since then we have not encountered any major obstacles. In the initial period after the onset of brahmacharya - celibacy, there may be a little popatmasti play of the parrots with some give and take. People will think that this male parrot is biting the female parrot, but it is merely birds-at-play. But as long as the effects of the ‘bite’ of the (past) sexual relations remain, it will remain. Once this dankha the residual effect of the bite dissipates and leave, then the play—interactive clash, will leave.

‘We’ are expressing ‘our’ personal experience.

It is because of presence of Gnan that bites do not bother. In the absence of Gnan, the bite effects of sexual relations will continue to sting and burn because the ego is present there.

There is a portion of the ego that has to do with the claim that ‘he took pleasure from me’ and he would claim, ‘she took pleasure from me’, but after Gnan, it is nothing but discharge of karma. However, there will be some quarrel even though it is a discharge.

But we did not have that either. We did not have any such disputes.

14

“In the first thirty years of our marriage there was minor bhanjghad-clash-making up cycle. Then gradually we cleaned up all the mess and made a decision that kitchen business was her responsibility and earning money was mine. We were not to interfere in each other’s affairs.”

Two Separate Departments Questioner: Dada, which other key did you use that prevented any clashes or conflicts with Hiraba?

Dadashri: From the beginning, when I was young, I had made the division; that the kitchen was hers and the business was mine.

When I was young, I used to get very angry when any female member of the joint household ever asked me about accounts in the business.

This was none of her business. You are asking without any connection. There should be some connection if she is to get involved. She would ask ‘How much did you earn this year?’ I would tell her that she should not ask me about these matters. This is my department. So tomorrow if I decide to give five hundred rupees to someone, she would interfere in my business and complain that all the money will be gone.

Do not interfere in my department.

So then she would never ask me why you gave this person five hundred rupees or why are you doing such a thing? What is happening? She would not ask such things. If we tell the woman (wife) that ‘it (business) is not doing good’ then she also would become weak and depressed. So do not let her enter in this line. Separate departments are good.

I would not interfere in kitchen at all. ‘I would not speak even a single letter in your department. If you empty the entire container of milk in the drain sink, even then it is not January 2008

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‘our’ concern. If you break all glasses ‘we’ do not have any problem. If kadhee becomes salty ‘we’ do not have any problem. If you were to cook any kind of rice it is not going to bother me. Your department is separate and mine is separate. Both departments are separate.’ We had distributed this. We had built such constitution-foundation.

Questioner: Did you have a discussion with Hiraba that this is your and this is my department?

Dadashri: Yes. That much was decided.

But she had to ask me for sure. Otherwise what this people would understand about vyavahar worldly interaction, in this world?

Questioner: Did you or Hiraba decide that? Or did you both decide together?

Dadashri: I had told her and she had accepted. We made the division that we will not interfere in each other’s department, and she had accepted it readily. We do not interfere, so if she interferes in my department and if I say that I do not interfere in your department, so it would be better if you do not interfere in my department. So she would understand.

Once it is divided then there should not be any problem.

Questioner: But if Hiraba says, ‘no, we definitely want to come in your department, then what?’

Dadashri: No, if I interfere in her department, then she would have reason to look for, no? Kitchen department, household department all that is hers and outside, foreign department is mine. No one would interfere in each other’s department. If she were to spill ghee or burn something worth of five thousand rupees or she lost some gold that is her department.

January 2008

In old times, different departments did not exist. Our old people would also go in the kitchen, open up the containers and say, ‘we just brought this ghee, where did it go?’

Then she will say, ‘Oh, did I eat it all up, then?’ Such are these people! They will go and check on the jaggery, the sugar. Leave it alone you crazy fox! That department is theirs.

It is my invention of creating these departments. In those days I did not know to say the words, home and foreign. But I knew, this is her department and this is my department.

Questioner: But today all these departments have changed? All have got mixed.

Dadashri: No, they are not in a mixture, they can be separated, if you want to.

No Interference in Her Department I would not meddle in any of her matter of the homemaking. Even if we were to see her lose money I would not remind her of the loss. She also would not interfere in our department. She would not ask regarding any of my issues such as, what time do I get up, what time do I take a bath, when do I leave.

Once in a while she would ask me to take the bath early. Then I would promptly ask for the clean dhoti (single piece white cloth to wear as the lower outer garment) and take a bath.

Oh, I would get towel myself and take a bath.

Because I would know that she is showing a ‘red signal’ today for a reason. It could be that the water is going to be turned off or some other reason. So you also should understand a little about vyavahar worldly interaction, that it is not worth interfering in anyone else’s matter.

If a policeman were to take you away, 15

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would you not follow his instructions? Will you not sit wherever he asks you? At that time you would know that you have to put up with this hassle as long as you are there. Likewise this sansar worldly life is also a criminal court indeed. So in it too we should become simple and straightforward sarad. Do you get a plate full of meal or not at home?

Questioner: I do.

Dadashri: You do get a meal whatever you want. You do get a bed to sleep, so then what do you need? If the bed has not been made ready, do it your self and find a solution.

You have to explain the matter peacefully. Is the matter about your benefit and loss in life, written in the scripture? That you will need to understand your self, will you not?

We had a business of contracting. My sister-in-law (older brother’s wife) was very clever. She would ask for account from both of us, how much have you earned and all that.

My brother was married twice, and this sisterin-law was a second wife so my brother used to give her little more respect. He did not use to listen to his first wife. So my sister-in-law would ask me, ‘give me an account.’ I told her, ‘how did you bring this talk in our house?

Women should not be asking for account. I will not give you the account report. Any woman, whether she is educated or uneducated I am not ready to give her the account. And I will not ask for an account from anyone either, and I will not demand such strictness here.’ So from early age we lived in separate homes, and I had said this to Hiraba also.

And here she once told me, ‘this year you did not pay attention in business that is why we incurred a loss and we cannot afford this.’ We are not ready to give explanation as why we incurred the loss. Oh, we are not ready to 16

give explanation to even a God. We fed that much ego. I am talking exactly as it is.

After that ego dissipated I became wiser.

But Hiraba has not interfered in our business.

And even now she does not interfere. She does not know what kind of business it is and how it runs, because my brother taught her this. My brother would say to his wife, ‘this year the business is like this and like that.’ He would say such a thing to make her happy. So she interfered in business. Now what is the intent behind making her happy? If you want another sari then go and get it. You should ask, ‘do you want it?’ Here, let’s go and get another sari. Do you want to make golden bangles? Do you want to have diamond earrings with studs? Why do you have to tell that the business is so this year? And if you lose then she will only reprimand you. You don’t know how to do the business, if she says this then what will be your reputation? Can you talk such a thing? The wars that have happened in this world are exclusively because of talking to women. The men, who show the slightest weakness in this, slip.

Questioner: Is that not called deceit kapat?

Dadashri: It is not deceit; it is for your good.

Custom of Household Interaction If you see interaction in our home, you would find it very pleasant. When Hiraba was healthy, she would personally go to the vegetable stand at the end of our street, and buy vegetables. If I was at home, she would ask me ‘What vegetables should I bring?’ I would tell her to bring whatever she wanted to. Then she would buy them. This is how it would go on everyday. So then what would a January 2008

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person do? She then stopped asking for a few days, because the answer was the same. Then one day I asked, ‘Why did you bring these karelas (bitter gourds)?’ She replied, ‘Whenever I ask you what I should bring, you tell me what ever I want to, and now you’re pointing out my mistakes?’ I told her, ‘No, we have to keep a custom that you have to ask me what vegetables to buy and I will tell you whatever you feel like. Keep this custom of ours going!’ This custom she carried out till the end. Even the people who came to visit us were impressed. How wonderful is the custom of this household.

So our worldly dealings should look good on the outside. It should not be one sided. How wise Lord Mahavir was! He kept the real and the relative separate. Not one sided at all. Don’t people notice worldly interactions?

People saw us everyday. ‘Does she ask you this everyday?’ my friends would ask. I tell them ‘Yes, she asks me everyday.’ ‘So doesn’t she get tired?’ they ask. I replied, ‘Why would she get tired? It is not as if she has to climb some stairs or a mountain.’

Conduct your worldly interaction in a manner, which people appreciate.

Questioner: But to insist that she inquires, is that not a subtle control?

Dadashri: No, that is vinaya humility with understanding. It is conduct for both of us.

That which we had arranged was— humility with discrimination between the helpful and hurtful vinaya. If a husband says, ‘you must bring the vegetable which I ask you to’ that is called avinaya lack of vinaya. If you say, ‘no, you can bring it’ and then later shout at her, that too is avinaya—disrespectful. This way both would remain in prescribed humility January 2008

and respect for each other. Once in a while if I feel the need to eat egg plant then I would say, ‘please bring egg plant today.’ What will you lose in saying like that?

Questioner: This much right we should have.

Dadashri: She should have a right too, then the dakho interference of ego—will not arise.

Questioner: She used to take care of her vinaya and you used to take care of your vinaya.

Dadashri: Hmm, the world would notice that, would notice sanskar the conduct that is appreciated. Bravo! How much we respected her by saying ‘bring whatever you like’.

Questioner: And she kept your respect by asking ‘what should I buy’?

Dadashri: Yes, that is called sanskar.

Otherwise rudeness would arise. One will become rude and offensive. She will say, ‘eat if you want to, she will do like that.’ This is such a quality that it will not take time to slide.

Questioner: Some ego is involved there.

Dadashri: No, this is a vyavahar worldly interaction, vyavahar.

Questioner: But would you feel that ‘she asked me’?

Dadashri: No. It is not the question that she asked me. If I had that ego that ‘she asked me’ then would I ask her to get whatever she wants to? I will not speak like that. This is called vyavahar. The worldly people would see and say, bravo! He is not saying that, buy this and buy this and it is 17

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surprise that this woman is asking at this age.

Vyavahar would appear beautiful. We should maintain such vyavahar. If you stop vyavahar then what the world will say? This woman does not obey him at all. That is why if people will notice this vivek that which is right by the world, they will say, ‘such a beautiful vivek!’

What do you think?

Questioner: That is correct.

Dadashri: However, ego is there for sure. Ego would be in operation everywhere in worldly life, but this ego does not hurt the other person, it is beneficial ego. If you were to continue such vyavahar worldly interaction, at your home, it would look very beautiful, would it not? She would ask and you say to her, ‘bring whatever you like’!

Questioner: Other people also notice the unity and respect.

Dadashri: Hmm, love for each other is maintained. She would also think that, ‘How nice! He leaves it on me, how much does he trust me?’ And I would think in my mind that, ‘I am the husband, and she still accepts that.’

This should be orderly and correct. Should not this be so?

“See the science! All disputes and clashes with the world cease. Not only do they cease with the wife, but also they cease with the entire world. This science is verily such and once the quarrels stop, one becomes free.”

The Beauty of Worldly Life Interaction of Dadashri For the last forty-five years I do not have any divisiveness due to difference of opinion matbhed with anybody in this world, neither in the home nor with anyone outside the home.

18

Questioner: What special secret do you have that does not create matbhed?

Dadashri: That is the very secret I want to give to you. Mind and everything else have become fractured. All these are weaknesses.

These should not get fractured.

Since many years ‘we’ do not have divisiveness and inner separation due to difference of opinion with Hiraba. If she were to lose rupees (money) carelessly, even then I would not say such thing that…

Questioner: Did you not have matbhed with Hiraba before Gnan-enlightenment?

Dadashri: Yes, before I used to. Since last forty-five years, even people in neighborhood know that we did not have matbhed. We have to live together everyday and yet not a single matbhed is called a life.

No difference of opinion at all, what a wonderful life when there is the vyavahar without matbhed!

We did not have matbhed with wife in our home. No matbhed with the neighbors.

Even people in neighborhood felt that I was like a God. Should there not be some human quality? What is your opinion?

Questioner: That we must. Whereas that internal divisiveness due to differences of opinions is much worse when they materialize and manifest into certain behavior in future.

Isn’t that considered more dangerous?

Dadashri: Internal matbhed? Those are extremely dangerous.

I had repaired everything by the time I was thirty years old. After that there were no bhanjghad—spoiling and making up relationship, at home, no matbhed whatsoever.

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Initially we did have our problems because of misunderstandings. This was because I would exercise my authority and dominance as a husband dhanipanu.

Questioner: Dada, did you show your superiority and control?

Dadashri: Oh, very much, lot of rof air of arrogance, with heavy strictness. Later on I understood that these were continuous mistakes in operation. So I stopped it all. In the young age, it is difficult to understand that these are mistakes; all of them are sheer mistakes only.

Questioner: Is there not a difference between you showing your authority as a husband dhanipanu, Dada, and other men doing the same?

Dadashri: Difference? What difference?

Husbandly dominance is nothing but madness.

How many different kinds of darkness are there?

Questioner: All the same, you are different Dada. Everything you do is different; it is something new.

Dadashri: There is a little difference.

Once I put an end to any matbhed, I will not allow any new one to occur. If any new conflict were to occur, I would know how to solve it.

Differences would naturally occur because I would say something to her for her own good but even then she would not appreciate it, so what other solution is there? In this world it is not worth looking at good or bad, right or wrong. Whatever works is good and what doesn’t is bad. The key thing is to live life without conflict. Everything works with me.

You must have so many occasions where things do not work, am I right?

January 2008

Questioner: It is only with dada that everything works, not with others.

Dadashri: Is that so? So be it. It is more than enough if it works in this ‘office’.

This is considered the head office of the whole world.

In our home she would speak within the boundaries, then I too will speak keeping these norms in mind. And if some day her words cross these boundaries, I would understand that she has done so. I would tell her that she is right but I would not let a matbhed arise.

She will never feel that I have hurt her even for a minute, and neither do I feel that she has hurt me.

She lives there (in Mamani Poda) and I live here where satsang is going on. We live separate, but there is no discord of any kind.

No matbhed and no bhanjghad at all.

“I would never go back on my word, the whole world may turn around but a promise is a promise.”

Promise To The Wife, Unbroken In 1943 Hiraba lost one of her eyes.

She had glaucoma and an attempt to operate on that eye not only failed but also damaged the eye even more and she lost it altogether.

So people explained to Hiraba to file a suit of one lakh rupees against the doctor. Then Hiraba says, ‘People are saying this. The doctor is a very good man. He tried to do good for me, so what is his fault in this? And people are saying to file a suit.’ I said, ‘people would say.

How are we to fight them? We should do whatever we want to. What is the fault of that poor man? The time was ripe, and it had to happen, and the eye was lost.’

So people around me started to think of 19

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me as a prospective new husband and some had plans to get me married again. Back then there were a lot of brides-to-be available.

Parents were only interested in getting their daughters married, even if it meant marrying them to their doom. There was a man from the village of Bhadran who came to me with a proposal for his brother-in-law’s daughter. I was thirty-six at the time in 1944. He cited various reasons. The first was the loss of Hiraba’s eye. The second was the lack of any children to carry on the Patel name. He suggested that I remarry. I told him it was true I had no children, but neither did I have anything to pass on. I refused. I told him that I had made a promise to Hiraba to take care of her when I married her. What can anyone do if she has lost one of her eye? Besides even if she were to lose the other eye, I would take care of her. I would hold her hand and guide her around. He tried to entice me with a dowry and I asked him, ‘Do you want to throw your daughter in a well? Besides Hiraba would become very unhappy. She would feel that I remarried because of her eyes. She would feel terrible about her eyes. Would she not?’ I had made a promise to pay, to take care of her. I told him, ‘I am not a person who would ever go back on his word. No matter what happens in the world, a promise is a promise.’

I have given a promise and once a promise is given, there is no going back on it.

So what if it takes this entire life to fulfill that promise to her, there are many more lives to come. I had given her my hand in marriage and when I gave that hand to her, I had given her a promise. I gave her my hand in everyone’s presence, and I gave her a promise as a Kshatriya and I will have to devote one lifetime to fulfill that promise.

20

“The moment you think about wanting to control her, her mind will separate from you. This should not be so. I let go of the authoritative control chalan altogether, and Hiraba understood that ‘He has give up control and the reins’.”

The ‘Useless Coin’ ends up at The Feet of The Lord This incident took place when I did not have Gnan. Just as you visit me here, an acquaintance of mine, used to visit me every day; I used to ask Hiraba to make tea and snacks for him. The way we have relation of satsang with each other, likewise I had relation of satsang with him.

One day he came to visit but he was in a hurry and told me, ‘I have to leave early. I just wanted to see you but I don’t want to eat anything!’ At that time he did not revere me and vice versa. We both used to sit together as fellow satsangi on equal footings. So that day he told me, ‘I have to leave in ten minutes’ so I told him, ‘since you are here, just sit for a while and have some tea. It will not take long. You have tea and snacks every day, so you cannot leave without having something to eat.’

So I called out to Hiraba. We were sitting in a different room, and I called out loudly to Hiraba who was in the kitchen and asked her to make two cups of tea. We did not have intercoms but if you speak loudly from one room, it will be heard in other parts of the house. She replied, ‘Yes, I will make some.’ Now he was in a hurry, seven minutes had gone by and there was no sign of tea. He told me again, ‘don’t worry about tea and snacks; I am running late. I better go. We will drink tea later.’ So I told him, ‘No you cannot go without drinking tea as usual.’ Now he is January 2008

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telling me to let go but I am insistent on the other hand. Now I am the one stopping him.

Just look at the false insistence of this one with ‘respect’! But this was not the false insistence of a proud one, it was insistence filled with love!

I was not aware of all the evidences that were going on within the house. I was talking to him from the other room. Hiraba was under the impression that he will sit and visit leisurely as he did everyday and I was under the impression that he will be leaving shortly. So there was a discrepancy in the information we had. I did not notify her that he wants to leave right away.

So when the tea did not arrive, I went in; that is when I saw the evidences. She had not started making the tea and outside I was talking about it. Here there was no sign of tea and the circumstances out there had changed.

It was my mistake. If I had started shouting about it, it would look bad. So I asked her, ‘Why have you not made the tea?’ and she told me, ‘the neighbor has borrowed the stove and so I have to use the charcoal pit.’ In those days we used to use stove and charcoal pit and besides Hiraba was under the impression that he will sit and visit as usual.

So I asked Hiraba, ‘When will the tea be ready?’ She replied, ‘what can I do? I will do whatever you say.’ Then she lit the charcoal and prepared the tea. I then told him, ‘Let me at least bring you some papdi (rice wafers); you cannot leave without eating some papdi.

So I told Hiraba to bring us some papdi. For some reason the papdi too arrived late. It may have been that she misplaced the containers or it may have been something else, but the papdi arrived late. So then he said, ‘I have already finished the tea, I don’t need to January 2008

eat papdi. I will leave now.’ I told him, ‘no! you cannot go without eating papdi’; even then I continued to meddle. Then I told Hiraba, ‘How come it is taking so long for the papdi?’

And Hiraba said, ‘I am bringing it right away.’

He then said, ‘Never mind – let it go.’ I told him, ‘the only reason you are getting late is that I no longer have control in this household.’

So he told me, ‘don’t say that! You cannot say that! Such a godlike person as you cannot say such things.’ By that time Hiraba came in, ‘Why are you spoiling my reputation? I have always done what you have asked me to.’ I replied, ‘I am not spoiling your reputation but increasing it.’

So I have stated that I have give up control-authority chalan. Then there are no more bhanjghad break and make, destroy and build (relationships). The rule is that the coin that has no monetary value ends up in the temple, so then it will not be circulated. It will no longer have to wander around amongst the black marketers. It just has to sit next to the Lord in the temple. Thus I became a useless coin but Hiraba did not like this. She told me not to say such things because it ruined her reputation. So I told her, ‘I am saying this to secure my safe-side and not to ruin your reputation.’ So I explained everything to Hiraba that I said it in her favor.

But from the moment I said ‘useless coin’, that acquaintance of mine immediately felt reverence towards me. He said, ‘Except God, no one can make such a statement.’ I told him, ‘just try to speak! You will get a beating! Hey, she is not the law (police), so speak up.’ He said, ‘You are able to say it because you are a God. I have felt for a long time that no one except God can make such a statement. Now I am convinced.’ I replied, 21

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‘Why don’t you speak in the same way?’ and he said, ‘Even if my whole life were to pass, I will not be able to speak this way.’ But when I used the phrase ‘useless coin’, he immediately felt reverence.

I said that I no longer had any controlauthority chalan but Hiraba said, ‘you do have control-authority. Why are you denying it?’

Therefore those who have no control, who have never had control, claim ‘I do have control’. Hey what kind of control-authority do you have?

So such are the worldly games. Events of all kind will take place. I told him, ‘I am speaking this way in order to teach you.’ You may try to control but no such person has been born who has control. Instead why not declare it openly?

Those who think they have control, if I were to live in their home for ten days or so, I would be able to tell who has the control.

How long will you hide beneath this pretense of control-authority? I am not telling you to say, ‘I am a useless coin’ but I have seen those who claim to have control. Each and every man that claims to have control does so under the pretense of doing so. They secretly ask for forgiveness, ‘I told you off in front of my friend but I am asking for forgiveness!’

You fool! The heck with your control. You brag about your control. The Kings have control, don’t they?

Questioner: It is a problem even to let go of the control.

Dadashri: Why are you weaving webs of imagination? There is not a single man in this world that understands his own future.

Their imagination simply runs wild, ‘what if this were to happen? Or what if that were to 22

happen?’ You should never use the words, ‘If this were to happen, then this would happen…’

I have discarded these two words of ‘if’ and ‘then’ from my dictionary altogether.

Hiraba tells me, ‘you give away everything.’ I told her, ‘here take these keys and keep them with you so that I don’t give them away. I am likely to give them away.

Nothing will remain in my hands. Neither do I want anything. This body too will get used up so it would be better if it were used up for a good cause.

Questioner: That is exactly the way it is happening.

Dadashri: Yes, that is exactly the way.

Otherwise it—the non-Self complex—is going to be used up in another manner. It will sit in a garden, read the newspaper, it will chitchat; it will be used up in this way, so it would be better if it were used up for a good cause.

You should not try to keep controlauthority at home. The one who keeps control will have to wander around. I used to tell Hiraba, ‘I am a worthless coin. I cannot afford to wander life after life. What does a worthless coin have to do? It has to sit next to God. If you try to take control at home, then there will be clashes. From now on we have to settle all accounts with equanimity. You should live at home with your wife as her friend. She is your friend and you are hers. And here no one makes a note of whether you have the control or she has it. The municipal offices do not make such notes and neither does God. What is important to you, your food and meals or your control? So all you have to worry about is the best way to get good snacks. If the municipal offices were to keep records of who is in control, then I would not give up control, but no one cares. ~ Jai Sat Chit Anand January 2008

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Inauguration of Dadashri’s Home at Mama ni Pod, Vadodara The inauguration of building named ‘Laxmi Kunj’, where Gnani Purush Dadashri lived for fifty years, located in Mamani Poda, Vadodara, India, took place on December 9, 2007 in the auspicious presence of Pujya Shri Deepakbhai. This home was renovated with same simplicity as when Dadashri had lived there. It is now left open for the darshan for mahatmas and spiritual aspirants. On this occasion about five thousand mahatmas had visited form India and abroad.

On this occasion Pujya Deepakbhai had talked about Dadashri’s life events, which had taken place in this house. After The Enlightenment in 1958, amazing and wonderful knowledge laden sentences would come out in Dadashri’s divine speech while coming out after a bath in this very same home. Dadashri lived a very simple life in this home where even a wash basin or a dining table did not exist. Dadashri used to pay fifteen Rupees rent for this house.

Dadashri had never painted this home. He used to say, ‘would I spend my time for spirituality or for all these worldly relative things?’ From 1962 to 1975, satsang was scheduled everyday.

Wherever Dadashri might have gone for satsang, he would reach this home definitely on New Year’s Day. Dadashri had conducted Gnan Vidhi twice for Hiraba in this very home. In 1968 Pujya Niruma had met Pujya Dadashri for the first time in this home. In 1975 Pujya Niruma had opportunity to stay and serve Dadashri and Hiraba for six months. After Hiraba left her mortal body, Dadashri had entrusted this house back to the homeowner. After this the homeowner had changed it with modern facilities according to his necessity.

It was Pujya Niruma’s ardent desire that this home attain the place in the world and in the hearts of mahatmas as a holy pilgrimage. And this came in to reality in 2004, when Pujya Niruma expressed her wish to the homeowner on the occasion of Dadashri’s birth anniversary at Vadodara. Thus Dada Bhagwan Parivar-family regained this home of Dadashri. Pujya Niruma, had given ideal guidance to construct the model of this home as per her direct memory and information about the household things, events which had taken place in this house and her link of pure love with Dadashri and Hiraba. Audio clips are arranged in each room giving information regarding Dadashri’s life events. Dadashri’s idol located in living room seems as if he is sitting right in front of your eyes. The photo gallery is constructed featuring photos with different activities of Dadashri, on the first floor.

As soon as you enter in this home you will feel the presence of divine spirituality in each and every atom of the environment, where Dadashri lived such a long time. May people attain the benefit of this pure spiritual energy, is verily our yearning. Every Saturday and Sunday satsang and devotional worship is done by local mahatmas at this place. This home is located at Mamani Poda, across Ravpura Police Station, Vadodara. This will remain open everyday from 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM for devotees. ~ Jai Sat Chit Anand January 2008

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Special Events in the presence of Atmagnani Pujya Deepakbhai nd

Gnanvidhi (A Scientific Experiment on Self-realization) at Trimandir Adalaj

2 February 2008 (Sat) - Question-Answer Session, Time: 4:30 to 6:30 pm rd th 3 February and 16 March, 2008 (Sunday) Time: 3:30 to 7:00 pm - Gnanvidhi Venue: Trimandir, Adalaj, Ahmedabad-Kalol Highway, Dist: Gandhinagar, Gujarat.

Spiritual Retreat at Indore (In Hindi) 24th January to 27th January 2008, Time: 10:00 am to 12:30 pm, 6:00 pm to 8:30 pm (January 26, 2008, Gnanvidhi – A Scientific Experiment on Self-realization in the evening) Venue: Basket Ball Complex, Race Course Road, Indore. Phone: 9893278866

Aurangabad

th

9 February 2008 : Gnanvidhi – A Scientific Experiment on Self-realization Time: 4:30 pm to 8:00 pm Venue: Simat Mangal Karyalaya, Nr. Apasara Cinema, Aurangpura. Phone: 0240-2353171 th

th

Kolkata

14 February to 16 February 2008 Time: 7:00 pm to 9:00 pm th 17 February (GnanVidhi) Time: 5:30 pm to 9:00 pm Venue: Vidya Mandir (Hindi High School), 1, Moira Street, Minto Park Phone: 033-32933885 th

Jodhpur

4 March 2008 : Gnanvidhi – A Scientific Experiment on Self-realization Time: 4:00 pm to 7:30 pm Venue: Bhati (R.S.P.S.) Memorial Hall, Ram Mohalla, Nagori Gate Road, Jodhpur.

Phone: 9414671813

Watch Pujya Dr. Niruma on T.V. Channels India :

Doordarshan (National), Mon-Fri 8:30 AM to 9:00 AM (In Hindi) Watch same prog. at same time, In Tamilnadu in Tamil language Doordarshan DD-1, Everyday 3:30 PM to 4 PM (In Gujarat, In Gujarati) Watch same prog. at same time, outside Gujarat on DD-Gujarati All over the World (except India) on 'Sony TV' Mon-Fri 7 to 7:30 AM (In Hindi) U.S.A. : 'TV Asia' Everyday 7 to 7:30 AM EST (In Gujarati) U.K.-Europe : 'MA TV' Everyday 7:30 to 8 AM (New)

Watch Pujya Deepakbhai Desai on T.V. Channels India :

Zee Gujarati, Everyday 7 to 7:30 AM (In Gujarati) DD-Gujarati Everyday, 9 to 9:30 PM - 'Gnan Prakash' (In Gujarati) 'Aastha' International, Mon-Fri 10:30 to 11 PM, Sat-Sun 1:30 to 2:00 PM U.K. : 'MA TV', Everyday 5 to 5:30 PM All over the World (except India) on 'Aastha' International - Mon-Fri 5 to 5:30 PM, Sat-Sun 8 to 8:30 AM 24

January 2008