Slide 1: a short history Slide 2: primary school Slide 3: a bit older primary school Slide 4: year 7 Slide 5: probably year 11 Slide 6: art college Slide 7: Uni Slide 8: Yeah, so that’s my entire summary of first year. Yeah, when I first came on this course I was making some pretty bad art. I actually looked back on my old portfolio that I brought to the interview a few weeks ago – because I still had it, and I thought oh yeah maybe that’ll give me some idea about what my new portfolio should be like. NOooo. No . and it was just SO bad. I honsetly don’t know how I got in,..terrible. I just don’t think I had any idea what I was trying to do. Or what I wanted to achieve at all to be honest Slide 9: I think my saving grace has always’s been my scrapbook/journals – these are s few I could find – starting from one I made when I was like 10 (!) up to more recent ones… it’s something I’ve always done, and something I’m always going to do. May they save me more in the future…anyway. Slide 10: But I did get in (in case you were wondering,, obviously) And then from not knowing anything at all, in a year I suddenly had all these door, and ideas, and avenuse opening up form me ( showcased here in this very confusing map). Which was very, overwheliing but exiting. And I wanted to have a go at everything, and be good at everything too Slide: 11 But that’s not how it goes. Because I also figured out a load of stuff I never want to do ever again…. Because i hated it so much. So yeah, never thinking about them again – I mean apart from stuff like cop, I did have to think about that a bit as it turned out. Slide: 12 And this is also around the time, for me at least, that people stop saying ‘your gonna be an artist!’ and they start saying ‘’ so what are you gonna be???’ (yikes) Slide 13: And the answers always the same Slide 14: Dunno
Slide 15: I just wanna draw Slide 16: It wasn’t until about half way through second year that I thought I had it figured out to be honest? The answer to that very pressing question. - at like 3 in the morning, as you do Slide 17: I made these pictures for responsive, The Roald Dahl Literary estate, and for some reason I thought that #yes that’s it (lightning bolt moment) they were like my most favourite thing I’ve ever done – I think I mentioned them in my second-year presentation actually as some kind of break-through moment/// I mean, which is weird now, because when I look at them now, they’re just/// alright? They’re Not that great. They’re just, meh Slide 18: But the I was like this is what im going to do! I know what im gonna be now!!! I’m a children’s illustrator !!!!!I think I was just really desperate to find my way and I just clung to it.
Slide 19: I mean I like bright colours and drawing dogs and monsters I MUST be a children’s illustrator right??? Slide 20: Pics Slide 21: but as time went on ( I think the mini ppp breakthrough started to wear off) I just started to think. Do I really want to be stuck to something like this forever? And yeah, the answer was no, Not really – I don’t want to just BE a children’s illustrator….. It’s kind of an annoying realisation, because sometimes I think it would be so much easier if I could like, only do one thing. Like if I was really good at drawing cows. Slide 22: Yes. Imagine that ,( I imagined it for you) I’d be sorted . And I’m not even putting that down at all, that really works for some people ( I don’t mean drawing cows) I mean honing down on thing like that. People make a lot of money from stuff like that. And are very successful – but it’s just not me!!! Slide 23: And then on the other weirdly drawn hand Slide 24:
Pixel art Slide :25 Pixel art collection Slide 26: Which I actually only really started getting into in 2014 Slide 27: First spawned from messing around on Microsoft paint back in school, when I should have been teaching myself Spanish on liguascope apparently. ( remember linguascope? ) Slide 28: And For me. Pixel art was always the thing I did when I was fed up of other things, (and still is really). And I just did it for me, with no real goal or thought behind it .. Just because I enjoyed it. A lot of the time people were like,, well why don’t you use this more???? It would be really good to see it in your practice?? And I don’t know it’s really hard to explain really, it’s like. i can also ride a bike too, but I don’t wanna become a pro cyclist and ride round the world - on film. Slide 29: But as well as all that I think as well I didn’t really have the best opportunity to push that side, I mean it is quite a specific – look/feel… it’s hard to make that work for every brief… like I didn’t fancy trying to screen-print pixel art or anything imagine trying to line that up --- so it just kind of side lined for ages And that’s where I was at by the end of 2nd year. Slide 30: AND THEN ALONG CAME THIRD YEAR Slide 31: And as it turned out, it was the year of the pixel. It’s was all about the pixels. Slide 32. I came to the conclusion over the summer, that if I didn’t want to do just one thing – then why should i? why did I need to? Why was I so desperate to be that way If it wasn’t working out? Why didn’t I want to make showcase my pixels? Why didn’t I want to enjoy doing stuff like that, AND get marked for it? Slide 33: This year I’ve just tried to let go & do what I want to, because at the end of the day.. this is me ( dramatic)
Slide 34: And what’s helped a lot actually has been doing stuff like building my websites…all that, creative presence business. It’s helped me figure out how everything does fit together – and how I can make that work Slide 35: And believe it or not, I’m actually at a point now where I’m happy with how things sit – I have the balance. Slide 36: So what’s next?? Slide 37: the DARK, LOOMING CLOUD OF IMPENDING what am I doing with my life returns. Do you ever just lye in bed at night thinking over your options? this is what I was thinking. Slide 38: Death. Just kidding – Slide 39: Yeah, move to a big tree in the middle of nowhere Slide 40: Or maybe just evaporate for a few year? Slide 41: Yeah, basically for ages I was Really terrified I had to be this all singing all dancing bells & whistles version of myself by the time I graduated. Slide 42: So..yeah. Just recently I’ve started to think……………..uhhh that’s not the case is it. (Well I hope this isn’t the peak & it’s all downhill from here) ..yikes, I don’t need to be that at all really. It’s just that a lot of the time it feel’s like here’s so much pressure and expectations that you actually forget to think about yourself and what you want at all.
Slide 43: I mean im 21 at the end of the day - if you’re not the best version of yourself by 21 is it all OVER? I’m sure some people at 21 do have all the bells…. And know exactly what there doing and have a fantastic Life plan AND graduate flying but .. If that’s not me then it doesn’t matter. Comparing
yourself to other people Is always a bad idea, for me sometimes I see illustrators who are like, I don’t know, still In their 20’s and doing really good – and in my head I’m like oh we’re kind of the same age! Why aren’t I like that – but in reality they’re 26, and they’ve been a working illustrator for 5 years - of course they’re going to be more professional and have a bigger back catalogue of work. Maybe, god forbid, I don’t even want to be an illustrator ? – I still feel guilty saying that. But the truth is – I don’t know
Slide 44: But what I’m trying to say is, it’s all ok.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Slide: 45 So I need to set myself achievable goals. In the very near future, I’m going to just set up an online store. These are just some examples of projects I’ve done in the past where it’s been about applied illustration – this is kind of what spurned my interest a lot more, and inspired me
Slide 46: I’ve done things like Redbubble & teepublic for a while but that never makes you any real money, the margins are pretty low. Now I’m hopefully going to be at a point where I can focus on it a lot more , put more time & effort into it – and hopefully make some money!!! Whilst also still working alongside. I knew everyone’s like ‘oh I had to have a REal job to start with ahhhh’ but yeah, that’s just realistic. In that Laura carlin talk a few week ago she said she worked as a waitress for…. 4 years after her Masters & everything – alongside making art, and doing illustration - and it was the best thing she’s ever done.. so yeah, that’s the plan. I mean for me I’ve never actually been out of education either – I know some people take years out & just work & all that – so I’m just so looking forward to that as well as everything else to be honest. Ultimately all I’m asking for is space to breath (which I think is reasonable)
Slide: 47 And thankfully, people have stopped saying I’m going to be an artist, just my grandma left really. And I don’t even think she even knows what I’ve been doing for the last three years to be honest. Probably thinks im doing English lit or something.
Oh also my dad still thinks I’m going to be a nurse. Which is just bizarre. He mentions it like every second week as though I’m going to have some change of heart or something and realise my life is a lie. 48. fin