Senior Dating Dilemma— Friendship or Romance?

For single senior women aged 60 and up, finding love again is difficult.

One of the biggest reasons is the number of available single senior men diminishes as the women grow older. For women in their 70s, the ratio of single women to available single men is often 4-to-1, or even higher.

A single 78-year-old woman, who requested I not use her name, contacted me recently. I’ll call her Betsy. She asked for my opinion.

Betsy emailed, “I have given up on dating, but I do have friends I go out with every Thursday. One of them is an 80-year-old man who lost his wife three years ago after 55 years of marriage.

“He has often shown an interest in me. For example, last night, at our usual sports bar gathering for dinner and drinks, I leaned in to say something to him and he said, ‘If you keep leaning in like that, I will have to kiss you; I have wanted to do that for a long time.’

Sudoku

BY

Each Sudoku puzzle consists of a 9x9 grid that has been subdivided into nine smaller grids of 3x3 squares. To solve the puzzle, each row, column and box must contain each of the numbers 1 to 9. Puzzles come in three grades: easy, medium and difficult. Level: Medium

“I was taken aback and said, ‘OMG, really? You are embarrassing me!’ good men are hard to find, especially a man who is interested in you. I see some positives about dating him.

Betsy’s response to me: “If he broaches the subject with me, I will discuss it with him.”

My reply: “Are you attracted to him? Enough so that you are willing to have that ‘What-happens-if-it-doesn’t-workout?’ conversation.

BY TOM BLAKE

“I blushed. My lady friends who were in attendance said maybe it was the ‘drinks’ he had while we were talking? I don’t know, but we all agreed he is a very nice guy. We all watched him take care of his wife in a wheelchair before she died. He was devoted to her and is a genuinely nice person to everyone.

“I won’t consider a relationship with him other than friendship, because we live in the same retirement community.

“If our relationship didn’t work out, it would be awkward seeing each other, and I fear we could possibly ruin a wonderful friendship. What’s your opinion? Should I go out with him?”

I responded to Betsy: “At your age,

“The age difference is only two years. You two live near each other. There would be limited or no driving to meet for a date. No public street driving at night to go home.

“Since he is a nice man who was married 55 years, he’d likely be a loyal and dedicated mate. He cares about you and is attracted to you. That’s the biggest positive. That’s usually more than half the battle. You likely would be good for each other.

“Have you discussed your concerns with him? Share them and see how he feels about it. If you can reach an agreement on what would happen if it doesn’t work out, (it would be a kind of a post-nuptial type of relationship agreement), and if you are both comfortable with it, take a chance. At your respective ages, sharing life together could be magical.”

“What’s more important? Having someone in your life who warms your heart and is there for you and who loves to hug, kiss, and hold you?

“Or risking losing his friendship because it might not work out? And even if it didn’t work out, you still might be friends.

“The main question: Are you attracted to him?

“If so, don’t wait for him to initiate the conversation. Tell him you’d like to talk privately and take that initiative. Agree on remaining friends if dating each other doesn’t work out.

“Take a chance, Betsy.” DP

PLEASE NOTE: In an effort to provide our readers with a wide variety of opinions from our community, the DP Times provides Guest Opinion opportunities in which selected columnists’ opinions are shared. The opinions expressed in these columns are entirely those of the columnist alone and do not reflect those of the DP Times or Picket Fence Media. If you would like to respond to this column, please email us at editorial@danapointtimes.com.

Perry is a 1½-year-old Jindo who is ready for a new start. Initially brought to the shelter as a frightened pup, Perry has finally blossomed into a sweet and loving dog. Fun-loving and full of playful energy, he loves making friends with all the other shelter dogs. Perry is looking for a home with dog-savvy adults.

If you are interested in adopting Perry, please visit petprojectfoundation.org/adoptions/ to download an adoption application form. Completed forms can be emailed to animalservices@scdpanimalshelter.org, and you will be contacted about making an interaction appointment.

Courtesy of the Dana Point Historical Society

From The Archives

This 1927 photo of the Dana Cove shows the George Hannan House. Hannan was the sales manager for the Woodruff Development in Dana Point & Hollywoodland. The Hannan home was built in the cove, because Hannan’s wife wanted to be away from the business. This photo is available for viewing and purchase at danapointhistorical.org.

Every week, the Dana Point Times will showcase a historical photo from around the city. If you have a photo you would like to submit for consideration, send the photo, your name for credit as well as the date and location of the photo to sraymundo@picketfencemedia.com