UNION COLLEGE
ISSUE 91.8 | 11/08/2016
A FRIDAY FOR US ALL
COLUMN LIKE I SEE 'EM
B
lack Friday is my kind of day. If you don't know what I'm talking about, let me set it up for you. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. You sat at a table and talked with people you love while stuffing yourself to the fullest of your capability with your favorite foods.
Since Thanksgiving lunch was late in the afternoon it also encapsulated dinner, which means your food coma hit earlier than normal and you passed out hard around 7 p.m. That was by design.
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eight person triple threat jet jacuzzi for twenty bucks worms. Those are the worms they advertise in the little pamphlets they mail to everybody, but in truth they only have like ten, or less, of those worms. The secret to Black Friday is to widen the horizons of what you might consider a worm.
The problem people have with Black Friday is everyone operating under the assumption that the early bird gets the worm.
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Cut to you parking outside Best Buy at 2 a.m. and getting in a line already three hundred strong. It's in the low twenties, your flip-flops aren't insulating your toes like you thought they would, and the people surrounding you are miserable, and angry they didn't get here earlier.
To avoid things becoming heated during Black Friday, take Kevin’s advice. | Drawing: Kevin Niederman
Black Friday is a mad celebration of everything consumerist. Stores are bringing in record numbers of shoppers and making the most profit all year, and at the same time people are lining up for deals of a lifetime. Some people say it's crazy and aggressive and exhausting and not at all worth your time, but those people are doing it wrong. Let me tell you how to do Black Friday right.
The problem people have with Black Friday is everyone operating under the assumption that the early bird gets the worm. I mean, that's technically true, but the worms they're looking for are the 75 percent off giant TV worms, or the
While all those angry, ravenous birds are in the Thunderdome straight murdering each other over a couple choice worms, you just slink on past to the smaller, more numerous worms.
I, for instance, go to the electronics center, and while the attention is on the overweight soccer mom who has a city councilman in a German suplex, I sneak over to the DVD section, seemingly untouched by these barbarians. I got every season of "Psych" for ten bucks each. It's usually forty dollars. They have shows from two or three years ago and they’re just dirt cheap. Clothes too! I got one of my favorites hats on Black Friday for like, pretty cheap. Then there's the line you have to wait in. They build this special aisle that's a good two miles long and the entire thing
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[ W H AT ' S I N S I DE] DORMITORY LOCKOUT | page 06 |
L O S T F I R S T DAT E | page 08 |
B L AC K F R I DAY E C ONOM IC S | page 10 |