Are Your Mutual Friends Acting Strangely? Perhaps Your Partner Is Cheating It makes you feel terribly uncomfortable. You go to your husband’s office to surprise him for lunch. When you walk in, everyone gets strangely quiet, they act unnatural or they watch you like you’re about to step on a land mine. What’s going on? Maybe nothing. Perhaps the boss just had a temper tantrum or they lost a big account, or the business next door got robbed last night. But you can’t shake the feeling that they’re hiding something. You almost feel like you’re intruding. It’s possible but unlikely that asking will give you any answers, but it will probably make the situation even more awkward. So now that you’re worried and your radar is on high alert, how can you start to piece together some idea of whether or not your beloved is doing the unthinkable – having an affair? It helps to look at the whole picture. • How is your home life? Have there been any changes? (Be honest.) Usually we know intuitively that something’s not right, well before any actual infidelity takes place. • Has she been more secretive? • More protective of his suitcase, brief case, cell phone • Has she gotten protective of her purse, email, phone calls? • Has there been an increase or decrease in your sex life? • Has the kind of sex you’ve had changed significantly with no explanation? • How about mutual activities? Are you shut out of her meetings with friends now, when you didn’t used to be? Is she guarded when you ask her about that trip to visit her sister? • Does he get defensive about going out so often to check on his Mom? • Does she quickly leave the room when some cell phone calls come in, or spend a long time out walking or in the bathroom? • Does he hang up, startled, when you accidentally walk in on him when he’s on the phone? • Does she close the email window or laptop when you walk up behind her?
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All these little signs, plus many more (you get the picture) can be red flags of infidelity. They can also be innocent actions. Much depends on how many there are, how frequent, and even how sensitive you might happen to be about rejection. Are you a distrustful person? Ask a close friend or therapist if you’re not sure. Odds are, though, that if it looks like a horse, if it acts like a horse, sounds like one and smells like one, then there’s a horse in your living room. If that’s the case, the next question is what to do about it? The best advice is to seek the help and guidance of a good therapist of marriage counselor. If you can get your mate to go, as well, so much the better. If there’s any hope of repairing the trust and security of your marriage, it will take the two of you, and you both have to want it enough to work at it. While a marriage can stay intact from the efforts of one person alone (that is, legally staying married and living under the same roof) the intimacy, trust, friendship and love may be lost entirely without both parties willing to work at it.
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