Healing After An Affair There you have it; all the proof you need that your loved one has been involved with someone else – and maybe still is. There’s no turning back from the knowledge, and depending on your joint decisions, you may be facing a divorce or a new, rebuilding stage in your marriage. How you proceed, and how it affects your future, has as much to do with HOW you approach your decision as it does with what that decision actually is. 1. You’ve both decided to try and work it out. All the guilt, blame, deception, mistrust, betrayal – all of it are out in the open now. Now the real journey begins – Now that you’ve gotten everything out in the open, is the worst over with? Yes and no. The trust was broken. You’ve been betrayed. It can take a long time for that connection and level of trust to get reestablished – if ever. You see your spouse differently now and maybe always will. Even now, you’ll be hyperalert and overly sensitive for any signs of secrecy, evasion or suspicious behavior – possibly to the point of paranoia. Unfortunately many couples who intend to stay together after an affair has taken place, eventually split for reasons that no longer have anything to do with the other man or woman actively being in their lives. Go into it with the attitude of healing, not punishment, not blame-throwing. You’re both only human, after all. Best advice is to not go it alone. Seek marriage counseling, and be sure you’re BOTH going. It will take a concerted effort on both your parts, but it’s possible that the result will be a deeper, stronger and more satisfying bond than you ever had before. 2. You’ve decided to split. There is just too much damage, or the affair has won out over your marriage. It’s time to re-group, get help and reinvent your life. The absolute worse has happened. You find yourself single again, either because he left you for the other woman, or because you ditched her after you proved she was having an affair. Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
But now that the fireworks have died down, how do you stop the bleeding and move on with your life? If there are children involved chances are you will be forced to maintain some sort of relationship with your ex. You’ll be dropping off your kids for visitation or he’ll be stopping by to pick them up. She’ll send presents or show up for special occasions or have you bring everyone to her place for the celebrations. In other words, it’s never really over. And this is tough to endure, especially if your lost love is forming a new family apart from you. If there are no children, it might be ‘easier’ in that you’re not forced to stay in contact or actually see your ex again. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be very deep and painful feelings of loss, grief, betrayal, hurt, inadequacy, loneliness, bitterness and anger. Emptiness, being alone, after having lived with someone you love, can be a terrible burden, especially during holidays or special occasions, or when ‘your’ song or favorite movie is playing. Try to remind yourself that it’s not the end of the world, even if it feels like it is. Whether or not someone manages to find a new love and create a wonderful new relationship has a lot to do with intent. If you keep yourself bitter and closed, your new best friend and lover will never be able to get through those defenses to connect with you. Your ‘energy’ really can psychically push people away. Again, don’t go it alone. Seek out your good friends or a competent, trusted therapist. Do the work. Heal. The best revenge is having a happy life no matter what your ex did to hurt you! The bottom line Whichever of these scenarios you’re living, the best thing you can do is consciously concentrate on the good things in your life. Keep your circle of close friends near, pray and forgive or attend Church if that gives you comfort.
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Once the dust settles, it’s critical to realize that after a certain point, after the damage has been done and you’ve licked your wounds, made your decisions and started on your new path, YOUR LIFE is again going to be based on YOUR decisions. Right or wrong, happy or dismal, there comes a point when you must stop blaming your ex for your continued unhappiness, take control back and create the happy, fulfilling life you know you deserve.
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Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner