Why You Shouldn’t Blame Yourself For The Affair

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Why You Shouldn’t Blame Yourself For The Affair It’s far too easy to kick and berate yourself, but you didn’t cause her bad conduct. The deepest damage caused by discovering your loved one has been cheating on you is the psychological blow. Yes, it tears up your heart and shreds your sense of security and trust, but it also makes you doubt yourself and your desirability. It’s far too easy to play the blame game, and most destructive of all is blaming yourself for everything – taking all the responsibility from her and heaping self-punishment and shame upon yourself. Chances are your unfaithful spouse was predisposed to it anyway. He might have a history of cheating on former girlfriends, or she left her last husband because she found someone new and exciting. While people who really try might be able to change, who we are will tend to win out over who we would rather be. Cheating is one of those things that is nearly impossible to break once that line’s been crossed. Here are some things to bear in mind when those feelings of worthlessness or self-blame start to overwhelm you; • While there may be some truth to the fact that a relationship takes two people, just because there’s a problem between you doesn’t give anyone free rein to break the rules, betray trust or violate your marital vows. • In the end, we all do the best we can with the resources we have available to us. That could include the resources of maturity, self-discipline, personal integrity or sense of responsibility. However, just as that doesn’t excuse a murderer for his crime, that also doesn’t excuse your cheating spouse from stepping out on you rather than first opening a dialog about things in your relationship that are changing or that aren’t working for any more. • The fling or new love interest may have truly happened ‘by accident’, and once those emotional bonds formed, it may have been all but impossible to break the addiction. Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner


But the only thing that prevented your partner from confiding his predicament to you is a selfish desire to continue the affair, or pure guilt (but guilt that wasn’t strong enough to make him END the affair.) • She might just be a restless spirit without the maturity, self-discipline or social skills needed to work through the inevitable ups, downs and evolution of a committed relationship Yeah, but . . . Maybe you’re picking out areas where you, admittedly, might have fallen short, caused hurt or disappointment or been selfish, hurtful or oblivious. Welcome to being human. Every relationship requires care. Some ‘experts’ use the words ‘effort’ or ‘work’, but, really, the best relationships don’t mean that you’re having to ‘work at it’ as if it’s a chore. What they need is attention, to be attuned to changing nuances and – importantly – responsive to them. Some people and some relationships, while still entailing such care, are not hard work. Other people and relationships that are worth sustaining take a more attention and will experience more ripples in their smooth road. But even a relationship that does require ‘work’ – massive amounts of it – can be worth fighting tooth and nail for. It’s up to the individuals involved and their mutual commitment to the work. So just because your unfaithful ex didn’t have the wherewithal to work through challenges doesn’t reflect on you as a person or as a partner. It reflects on your former mate’s social skills and ability to face the challenges of being in a committed relationship. So give yourself a break, take care of yourself, go to the gym or get a make-over, and see what new romance is out there waiting for you.

Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner


To find out how to catch a cheating spouse or partner, visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com.

Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner


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