“We are just friends”- Is Your Partner Cheating? You feel like you’ve been kicked in the gut, but you’re not sure why. You finally had the courage to ask her about all the time she’s been spending with her ‘special friend’ from work but she looked at you like you were crazy (or paranoid) and laughed it off, saying they are ‘just friends’. Either that, or he got irritated and defensive, and you ended up feeling like a total nag to even dare question him. But, if he’s telling the truth and there’s nothing romantic going on, why do you feel like you’re being betrayed/ abandoned? Why that growing emotional gulf between you? Is there such a thing as a truly platonic friendship? Yes there is. But any friendship between opposite sexes has the potential to bloom into a romance. It’s simply Nature. So how can you tell if your mate’s ‘special friend’ is a threat to your marriage? For one thing, it will be written all over his face. Is he dreamy, distracted, easily startled, nervous or defensive? Does she talk to her special friend in private, leaving the room with her cell phone, or quickly hang up if you ‘catch’ her? Do they include you in their outings or conversations, or if they do, do you feel like you’re crashing a private party where you don’t ‘get’ any of the inside jokes? Has the closeness and emotional/sexual intimacy between you and your loved one changed? Things like: •Less sex/more sex •Less conversation/more forced conversation •Fewer spontaneous gestures of affection or none at all – or obviously over-done attentiveness •Forgetting special occasions — or buying flowers or making special meals for no reason, when she never did before Are there other ominous signs of estrangement?
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• Mysterious credit card charges • Strange phone calls/hang-ups • Sudden new interests, hobbies or preferences that seem to have nothing to do with your lives together • Odd hours/longer-than-needed or more frequent shopping trips • Shopping trips to get the ‘special friend’ a special gift • Longer or more erratic office hours • More out of town trips • More independence • More guardedness and protectiveness of personal belongings (like briefcases, purses, cell phones) • Change in computer or phone habits (clearing call and email history etc) • Setting up new accounts without your name on them • Your spouse seriously downplays the attractiveness of the friend – if you ever actually get to meet them, they’re gorgeous Basically, then, if the ‘special friendship’ ends up making you feel: excluded, hurt, left out/shut out, lied to, deceived, betrayed, less important, less desirable, alientated or threatened, then your intuition is probably picking up on things that you need to pay closer attention to. But — Is it possible you’re just paranoid? Sure. You have to be very honest with yourself. You might also do well to ask a close friend or therapist to determine if you actually do have a personality that’s prone to distrust or is hyper-sensitive to rejection. If your partner really ISN’T cheating on you, you certainly don’t want to start a problem in your marriage. In the end, though, in most cases, intuition is pretty darned smart; much smarter, in fact than our brains.
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Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner