My E Life Magazine October November 2016 by DPI Graphic Design

MY ELIFE ■ MYELIFEMAG.COM ■ OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2016 ■ 336-323-8091

FROM THE PUBLISHER/EDITOR

Why Most People Leave Religion? They Just ‘Stop Believing’ By Kimberly Winston

(RNS) It‟s bad news for organized religion: A majority of the religiously unaffiliated—the so-called “nones”—say they fell away from faith not because of any negative experience, but because they “stopped believing,” usually before the age of 30. Gloomier still for religion is this—nones now make up 25 percent of the American population, making them the single largest “faith group” in the U.S., ahead of Catholics (21 percent) and white evangelicals (16 percent). And only a fraction—7 percent—say they are looking for a religion to belong to at all. Those are among the more salient findings of a new study of the religiously unaffiliated conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute. "More Young Adults are Unaffiliated than in the Past." The study challenges the assumption that the unaffiliated are leaving religion because they are offended by religious institutions‟ treatment of gay and lesbian people or clergy sex abuse scandals, said Daniel Cox, PRRI‟s research director. “Those things matter but they are dwarfed by this central idea that people no longer believe in religious teachings,” he said. Even the study‟s title is a downer for the devoted—“Exodus: Why Americans Are Leaving Religion—and Why They Are Unlikely to Come Back.” Here are some of the central findings of the survey of 2,201 adults that was conducted in late July and early August and has a margin of error of plus or minus 2.5 percentage points. • Only 18 percent of nones say “religion is important in their lives,” and only 40 percent say they are “moderately spiritual.” The majority of the unaffiliated—53 percent—describe themselves as neither religious nor spiritual. • Nones do not generally leave religion due to negative experiences. Sixty percent said they simply “stopped believing” in their childhood religion, while 32 percent cited their family‟s lack of religious commitment. Less than a third—29 percent— said negative religious teachings about gays and lesbians was important to why they left their childhood religion, and only

ust recently a group of guys and myself went to the men`s homeless shelter to encourage them with the "Word of God”. Our subject of discussion was "The Challenge of Change". As we got into this discussion, I personally realized how stuck in a traditional mindset I I was. I was really comfortable in the things I could see. When God told Abram in Genesis 12:1-3 to leave his country and go to a land that He would show him, and how He would bless him and make his name great. In today‟s time we would love to have full details before leaving the driveway. When God puts something in our heart whether it‟s to go somewhere, help someone or do something, we need to realize He may be challenging us to change and not get stuck in a box mindset.

Derek Miller, Publisher/Editor

Be Blessed,

Derek Miller 19 percent cited the clergy sex-abuse crisis. • A majority of nones still believe in God—22 percent say God is a “person,” while 37 percent see God as “an impersonal force.” • One in five nones say a belief in God is “necessary” to morality. But the study, released Thursday (Sept. 22), is full of interesting contradictions, too. While only one-fifth of all nones say morality is fostered by belief in God, one in three believes children should be raised in a religion to learn “good values.” And while one third of all nones say they do not believe in God, only a fraction—13 percent—accept the label “atheist.” “There is still stigma attached to the word „atheist,‟” Cox said. “I think there is a disinclination to claim the label if they are nonbelievers who just don‟t think about religion all that often.” The study attempts to further define nones by dividing them into three subgroups—the “Rejectionists,” the “Apatheists” and the “Unattached Believers.” The Rejectionists are the largest group, at 58 percent of all nones, and agree that religion is “not important” in their lives and “does more harm than good.” Apatheists—22 percent—say religion is not important to them, but isn‟t harmful to society, while Unattached Believers—18 percent—say religion is personally important

to them. None of these findings surprise Elizabeth Drescher, a Santa Clara University adjunct professor. In researching her book Choosing Our Religion: The Spiritual Lives of America‟s Nones, Drescher found the religiously unaffiliated seldom mentioned negative experience with religion. “The way religious education and formation is set up in mainline and Catholic churches parallels high school,” she said. “Once you graduate from it, you got it. You know, don‟t be a jerk, do unto others, and nones just kind of get bored with it and move on.” • But what do they move on to? Katherine Ozment is the author of Grace Without God: The Search for Meaning, Purpose and Belonging in a Secular Age and a none who simply drifted away from her childhood Presbyterianism. “It‟s not that nones don‟t believe in God, it‟s that they don‟t believe in religious teachings,” she said. “They have detached completely from religion and are finding meaning in their jobs, in raising kids, in their communities, in nature.” But many, she said, still want a sense of community they once found in church. She believes that‟s behind the fast and recent rise of so-called “atheist churches” like Sunday Assembly and Oasis, which now have branches across the U.S. and in several countries. “I think there are a lot of nones who

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CONTINUED ON PAGE 5

The study challenges the assumption that the unaffiliated are leaving religion because they are offended by religious institutions‟ treatment of gay and lesbian people…

►

MAKING MARRIAGE YOUR TOP PRIORITY 04 PUBLISHER’S NOTES 06 ENCOURAGEMENT 07 MEET THE PASTOR

08 COVER STORY 10 COMMUNITY 11 E MUSIC

DO YOU HAVE A TESTIMONY? We want to hear about it. Share your story with us here at My E Life Magazine.

07 14

14 MEET COACH AIMY

Meet the Pastor: V. Rochelle Richardson

TESTIMONY

Atheist Teacher Turns to Christ After Pastor Asks God to Give Her a Miracle

ON THE COVER:

Michael Steele and Wife Aimy Steele: Making Marriage Your Top Priority The Marriage Guru

MAKING MONEY FROM HOME IS SIMPLE

M By Mike James

aking money from home is simple. It may not be easy at first but it is always simple. I am an advocate for having more than one source of income. Some of those sources will be active and some will be passive. The active sources will usually come from a job or a home based business. The difference between your job and your home based business a lot of times comes down to focus. Following one course until successful. Focus is pretty easy on the job because everything is laid out and the cost of not being focus can result in lost of the job. So we do what is expected, when it is expected, and for however long it is expected. We therefore get the desired result for the employer. It takes the same kind of focus to be successful in a home based business. First write out those things that are important to be done every day and for what length of time it must be done. Use the power of faith to make it happen. See it by faith and take action by adding works to your faith. Grow your home based business and use the resources you make to invest in passive ways to increase your wealth. You will be like man who invested wisely to get a good return. Read Matt 25:14-30 •

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Pastor Marvis L. McGowan Sr. Pastor, Shining Light Bible Mission Church - Columbus, Ohio

n I Peter 1:3-9, The Apostle Peter encourages us, it is almost like he saw what we would be going through today. My God! If anyone was qualified to testify of the greatness of our God, it was Peter. He witnessed Jesus as he spoke to the winds and the waves. He was the one whom Jesus challenged to meet him as he walked on top of the turbulent sea. He was there when Jesus called to Lazarus who had been dead for days to come forth, and he did! Peter was part of the inner circle, so he saw Jesus transfigured and being ministered to by Moses and Elijah, and much more. So when the Apostle said we should greatly rejoice, even though we may be in a season of heaviness through many tests and trials, we could trust his words! Peter had walked closely with Jesus and knew well, that the trying of our faith works patience. He knew that the suffering of this present time isn‟t even worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed in us! He knew well, that weeping may endure for the night, but Joy comes in the morning! Today, we have issues that cause us distress and major concern. Whether it‟s anxiety over the upcoming election, police brutality, racial unrest and a number of other things, but this is the encouragement from the man of God. Tough times will come, problems will arise, but we have to know that everything is going to work out for our good! All things are possible to those who believe. •

Why Most People Leave Religion?

My E Life Magazine 336-323-8091 President / Editor Derek Miller Director of Marketing Mike James Contributing Writers Greg Baker Donna Nealy Mike James Michelle Miller Victoria Murray Layout / Graphic Design DPI Graphic Design Derek Payne Contributing Photography Trinity Studios Enterprise, Inc Roslyn Payne To Advertise Call 336-323-8091 Submissions are welcomed. Please send stories and ads to info@myelifemag.com My E Life Magazine P.O. Box 13502 Greensboro, NC 27415 MY E LIFE magazine reserves the right to deny any or all advertisements that go against our standards. We are at no means connected or affiliated with any advertisements. No part of any publication may be reproduced without written permission from the authors. The opinions and articles not written by My E Life magazine staff do not necessarily represent our views.

www.myelifemag.com SAVING SOULS, MAKING DISCIPLES

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 3

miss singing in the choir, who would love to go into a building and hear a moving speech, but the minute someone starts talking about the Bible they check out,” she said. “It no longer feels applicable to them. That‟s a big challenge to the church.” Ed Stetzer, the executive director of the Billy Graham Center for Evangelism at Wheaton College and an expert on evangelicals and leadership, agrees. While evangelicals know how to appeal to nominal Christians—those who still identify as Christians but don‟t practice—they do not have the same success relating to the nones,

he said. “So I think ultimately there will have to be some retraining about what it means to reach secular people.” Stetzer takes heart from the study‟s finding that more than half of all nones say they believe in some concept of God. “That‟s where the entree is,” he said. “There is still an awareness that there is a God, and the Christian‟s job is now to explain who that God is and what he has done for them.” The PRRI poll, conducted in partnership with Religion News Service, was funded by the Henry Luce Foundation and the Stiefel Freethought Foundation. •

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Harold Bishop Farr, Jr. and First Lady

SPONSORED BY:

New Life Faith Outreach. 3114-B Corbett Rd. Pleasant Grove, NC 27302. 336-253-2121

or God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16) “Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.” (1 Peter 2:24)

You don`t have to be perfect to receive salvation, you just need a willing heart to turn to Him. To receive him today, repeat these words after me and say "Lord Jesus, I give up my life as a sinner. I ask you to come in my heart and cleanse me from all unrighteousness.

Congratulations! You are now a Christian (a follower of Jesus Christ) 2 Timothy 2:3 says, “You therefore must endure hardship as a Soldier of Jesus Christ.” No one said the Christian life would be easy or without challenges. God‟s promises are forever established in Heaven. So even if our situations and circumstances are difficult, we must think “above the clouds” and know that God is still there.

Now therefore allow God to connect you with

MY ELIFE ■ MYELIFEMAG.COM ■ OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2016 ■ 336-323-8091

MEET THE PASTOR

V. ROCHELLE RICHARDSON

has a heart for people V. Rochelle Richardson was born in Detroit Michigan. While still in her teens she experienced the death of both parents. But through the skillful and prayerful hands of her grandmother, Aunt and others, she became a young lady sold out for Christ. She married her high school sweetheart at the age of 18. They enjoyed a wonderful life of 40 blissful years before the Lord called him home in December 2015. Pastor Rochelle wrote a book concerning the struggle of being a care giver to her late husband. Her husband suffered a stroke that rendered him paralyzed for the last 4 years of his life. The stroke happened on a plane while he was on his way to Colorado to visit his sister. During the early stages of the stroke the doctors informed her

Pastor V. Rochelle Richardson

that her husband would not live through the night. But she went to God in prayer and the miraculous happened. In the midnight hour God breathed new life into him and within a few days he awoke and out of the coma. The Lord had given her a promise “Watch Me remove every machine connected to your husband.” One by one the machines were removed just like He promised. This strengthened her faith even more. While they were both in Colorado, Pastor Rochelle asked the Lord should they close the church and the Lord again spoke to her and said, “No, move forward.” God confirmed that the church would be fine by adding members to its fellowship with both Pastors gone for over 2 months. After being released from the hospital in Colorado, they journeyed home with great expectations. The daily care giving was challenging to say the least. She fed, bath, gave daily doses of medication, and transferred him from the bed to the wheelchair and back again every day. Her body grew weak, but this is when she would trust God for daily strength. During the last few years together her husband developed dementia, which now in addition to everything else, made for many sleepless nights. But every morning she would awake with new found strength to provide excellent care to her husband. She stayed by his side until his last breath. After the passing of her beloved Halbert, the Lord blessed the ministry where they both pastored. Pastor Rochelle has a heart for people. She takes serious the call of God on her life. She spends many hours with the Lord in prayer and studying God‟s Word. And because of her diligence God has increased the congregation and she has seen tremendous growth. Pastor Rochelle is a selfless person. She does not burden the people with great demands for herself. Her greatest desire is that the people of God walk in the power and authority God has already given to His people. She strongly believes God‟s purpose is to 1. Advance God‟s Kingdom on earth. 2. Bring healing to the nations. 3. Draw (restore) people back to a relationship with the Father. God stripped Satan of his power when He sent His son Jesus and then gave us the “Keys of the Kingdom (Matt. 16:19). He fully expects us to us this power to heal the sick, cast out devils and save the lost. Restoration Christian Fellowship (the church she pastors) has been declared a NO SICK ZONE. Because we have the understanding that Jesus wants us healed and whole and healing is the children‟s bread (Matt. 15:26). Pastor Rochelle has been a panelist on the national TV program “Ask the Pastor”. Her book “The Other Side of the Bed” can be purchased on any website. You are always welcome to visit the ministry, Restoration Christian Fellowship 8003 North Point Blvd. Winston Salem, NC. •

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COVER STORY E: themarraigegurupm@gmail.com

ccasionally, I will get a call from a couple that wants a marriage tune-up. A marriage tune-up is just like it sounds… It is a time of refocus and renewal. Just like a car needs a tune-up, an oil change, or any other preventative maintenance, sometimes marriages are in need of refreshing. At other times, I get calls regarding a marriage that has nearly failed. The latter of the two scenarios represent the majority of the calls that I receive regarding marriage. One of the first things I ask these couples to do is to decide that they are going to make their marriage their top priority. Making your marriage your top priority will not happen by accident. A couple that seeks to make their marriage their top priority must do so on purpose. A marriage without purpose equals a marriage without passion and ultimately a marriage that is destined for divorce court. A marriage that lasts for a lifetime takes determination, dedication, and desire. Many marriages started with a well-planned marital ceremony, but with no plan for a successful marriage. The wedding plan includes everything from the first song to the first dance, but many of us have no plan for marital success. In fact many of us have no idea of what it takes to maintain the love, peace and harmony that we hope for in marriage. Making marriage your top priority includes, but is not limited to planning date nights, strategizing what you would like for your marriage to look like from year to year, and rediscovering who your mate really is. When we make marriage our top priority, it means our marriages come before any other relationship. Many marriages have been destroyed because we have given priority to other familial relationships. No relationship should take priority over your marriage. I cannot say it enough. For those that are parents, our relationships with our children should be in a close second, but it should never overtake that of the husband and wife relationship. I am a pastor and I often give marital counsel. Sometimes the question arises regarding blended families and what place a child from another union may have. My response is from the moment you say I do, that child or those children become secondary to the spouse. Some people may question my stance on this matter. But if you look at it from the perspective of the goal of

relationships, you might see why I say any children are a close second. The relationship between the parent and the child is intended to last for about twenty or so years. Then the parent becomes more of a guide to the adult offspring. If a parent is still using the same parental skills for their thirty year old as they used for a ten year old, there is another problem that will be discussed in a later book. In other words the parental relationship is intended to be temporary. The relationship between the husband and the wife is intended to last for a lifetime. That is why it is extremely

MY ELIFE ■ MYELIFEMAG.COM ■ OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2016 ■ 336-323-8091

important to choose a spouse with whom you are willing to spend a lifetime. Marriage is the only relationship in which we get to choose. No one chooses to whom they are born. No one chooses their relatives, but barring an arranged marriage, we all choose whom we marry. We should enter the marriage with the intent of staying in the marriage no matter what.

Black Marriage

Black marriages have an extra dynamic that other races of people deal with less. We have the added factor of 72% of our marriageable adults in the black community are coming from single parent homes. There is no greater stumbling block to a marriage than having no role models in marriage. Single Black Parents

Pictured: Michael Steele, wife Aimy and their family.

Many blacks get married with high hopes of marital success only to find that when we ask those around us for marital advice, it is none existent. Or it is advice that would cause our marriage to take several steps backward, rather than taking a step forward because we have tried and true advice from those that have not experienced the thing in which we have questions. As the numbers continue to rise regarding single-parent births in the black community, so will the numbers regarding divorce within the black community. The other factor directly related to the single parent issue is lack of strong black males. Time after time I coun-

sel couples where the wife says, "I feel like I am the leader in this relationship and I want my man to lead." She has a valid point. Single-parent homes are largely led by single-mothers. I am not faulting single-mothers, but I am stating that no matter how hard a woman tries, she cannot be the father that a young woman or man needs. I understand what moms mean when they say, "I was mother and father to that child." Although it sounds like a valid statement, it is a statement that could not be further from the truth. Mothers push their daughters to be independent and self-sufficient so that they will be able to survive "without a man". The same mothers spend extra time caring for and nurturing the needs of their sons. There is nothing wrong with this scenario if there is a father to balance out this paradox. When we fast-forward into adulthood, we find strong black women and black men that are looking to marry a mothering-type woman that will give them sex. The institution of marriage is hard to maintain in and of itself. The black community adds a totally separate dynamic to the complication of making marriage work. In addition to the limited number of marriageable men is the issue of financial lack. Amongst the top 10 reasons for divorce sits the crowned prince of marital destruction financialilliteracy. I say illiteracy because many of us have no idea of how finances truly work. It has been said that any law that we do not understand is working against us. We consume more than we produce. 10 reasons We have to have the best clothes, best cars, newest electronics, but we have very little knowledge about how much those things really cost and how much the manufacturers of our favorite items actually make from our over consumerism. As a result of our financial illiteracy our marriages start off a little further behind financially than that of our counterparts. African Americans tend to have less saved, and more financed than any other race. This has happened in part because of our obsession with the entertainment industry. We are an entertainment driven culture and while others see it as merely entertainment we see it as a way of life. We dress like those that we see on television, award show performers and music videos. In many cases those that entertain us dress in costume and would generally never wear those items in which they perform on a normal day. They are just for entertainment. Black Lifestyle We follow the entertainers because we have an identity crisis in our community. We have no idea of who we are so we choose to immolate those that we see on television. Most young black men never stop to realize that the rappers that they are trying to dress like actually wear suits to business meetings. If we grow up without a father in the home, we will make someone else our father. Sometimes we have no idea that we are seeking out our father when we make others our role models. We dress like them and watch their every move in hopes of some level of validation. If they wear it, we wear it. If they drive it, we try to find it and buy it. That young rapper that really has no idea of who they are has now become a leader in our community. As a result we become blind- leaders-of-the-blind. •

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COMMUNITY

Miss Anita Dean Arnette Aka ‚The Boss Lady‛

very Sunday morning from 8:30am until 11:00am and Mondays through Fridays from 12 until 2pm you can listen to one of the most recognizable voices in the triad area. On 1340/1400 AM and 103.5/96.3 FM you can hear “Praise Is What I Do” from the Queen of Gospel radio Mrs. Anita Dean Arnette, aka “The Boss Lady”. Truth Broadcasting‟s “The Light” covers Winston Salem, Greensboro, High Point, Burlington and all surrounding areas! “Boss Lady” has been with The Light since 2000 and has been a great source of inspiration and hope to so many through the songs she plays and the encouraging words of love, peace and peace she gives to everyone. Anita was born and raised in Wadesboro, North Carolina. She graduated from the local high school and later attended Livingstone College in Salisbury, NC. In the early 70‟s Anita moved to Winston Salem, NC, where she was employed with the Winston Salem Housing Authority for 15 years. During this time she was introduced to the radio industry. Anita recalls an encounter she had at the Dixie Classic Fair. She remembers trying to win prizes at a radio booth when a radio announcer heard her talking and was impressed with her voice. The radio announcer asked Anita to come by the radio station, which was WPET on Northwest Blvd. Anita came by the station and was offered a chance to work in the radio business. Anita took them up on their offer and after six weeks of classes took the FCC (Federal Communication Commission) test and passed. Anita was very excited about everything happening in her

life. Two weeks later Anita was scheduled to go on the air for the very first time, but she needed a “name” a radio handle. During this time there was a popular tune out by the Isley brothers called “Who‟s That Lady”. One of the announcers Prince Ike suggested “Sweet Momma”. Anita thought for a minute and said “no… that won‟t work”. Mr Ike then said what about “Boss Momma”… and while Anita was thinking about that name he said “I got it”…”what about “Boss Lady”. Mr Ike turned to Anita and said “Boss Lady…you‟re On!” For over 25 years Anita has been a radio personality in and around the triad. Most notably Anita worked at Triple A until they went off the air. After a few years off the air Anita made a rededication of her life and her ministry back to God. In 2002 Anita was drawn back into the radio industry by working at “The Light”. Anita began to see God‟s hand over her life as she progressed and was elevated through the ranks from doing promotions and voice work to working in sales. Anita was reflecting back one day on how God had blessed her and she remembered an encounter with a man while at “The Light”. The man told Anita how God was going to use her through all types of media to reach people who are hurting, broken and lost. He told her this was going to be her ministry and everything he said has happened. Anita has transitioned from the “Boss Lady of secular music to the “Boss Lady of gospel music, lifting up the name of Jesus everywhere she went. Many of Anita‟s listeners often ask “where did you get” Praise Is What I Do” as a theme song? Anita begins to explain with tears in her eyes! Praise is ALL I could do when I think about ALL that God has done in my life and ALL that God has brought me through! Anita says this is her ministry and she looks forward to ►

MY ELIFE ■ MYELIFEMAG.COM ■ OCTOBER/NOVEMBER 2016 ■ 336-323-8091

Sunday mornings and 12 noon weekdays, when she can share with her listeners about the goodness of God. For Anita it‟s such a blessing to play a song or speak a word that will heal the hurting soul and uplift one‟s spirit. Boss Lady says “no matter what the situation looks like, God is in control‟. She says “it doesn‟t matter what you are facing in life, you still must give God Praise…because Praise is our Weapon” Anita knows her ministry is from God because there have been times that different listeners called in and they were thinking about committing suicide. On these occasions Anita has played songs or spoke a word that ministered to them and God stepped in and saved them from a tragic outcome. She says in her opening prayer “Please God remove self out of the way, give me a newness, a fresh anointing that I may touch one person…just to let them know who you are and what you stand for”. God has blessed Anita to sponsor many community events with the help of the Light and Truth Broadcasting. Events such as her annual Mothers Day Contest and Anita‟s Annual Toy Drive to assist less fortunate kids and families. Anita‟s hard work and dedication has not gone unnoticed. In April of 2007 Anita “Boss Lady” Dean was named “Female Announcer of the Year”, and in June of 2007 she was named “Gospel Announcer of the Year”! In January of 2011 Anita was preparing to sign off the air on a Sunday morning and a listener called minutes before she left. The listener was trying to win tickets for his children and grandson to attend the circus. Anita gathered all the information to mail out the tickets and ended the call. A week later this same listener called to say he did not receive the tickets. Anita asked the listener again, what was his name and he responded Jerry Arnette. That initial conversation lasted fifteen minutes, and after many, many more conservations and several months of getting to know each other, God joined these two angels together in marriage on September 29, 2012. Anita “Boss Lady” Dean became Anita “Boss Lady” Dean-Arnette! Anita and Jerry enjoy God, life, family and each other as they continue to share God‟s spoken word by ministering together and encouraging listeners on “The Light”. They always give a powerful word for the week and challenge the listeners to use that word as a platform to dive into the bible and study the scriptures. Anita and Jerry are the proud parents of D‟Tonya, Darnell (Jennifer), Jennifer, Rachel, and Jeremy. They are also the proud grandparents of Danielle (Derrell); James Ryan, Jadyn, Bryson, and Jordyn. Anita and Jerry are active members of Morning Star Baptist Church, where their pastors are Dr Dennis and Charlotte Leach. When asked about retirement from “The Light”, Anita responded “no retirement” “I‟m on a mission from God and I will serve God until I die”! If you are interested in reaching Anita or Minister Jerry Arnette for speaking engagements or public appearances they can be reached at 336.480.2039. Also Anita can be reached at adean@wtru.com. Anita and Minister Arnette can also be heard on LightTheTriad.com. In closing Anita and Jerry would like to say “we love you but God loves you more, and it‟s just nice to be nice”! •

Top 10 Hot Gospel Songs

01 Made a Way Travis Greene

02 You’re Bigger Jakalyn Carr

03 Put a Praise On It Tasha Cobbs Feat. Kierra Sheard

04 God Provides Tamela Mann

05 Better Hezekiah Walker

06 Spirit Break Out

07 123 Victory Kirk Franklin

08 You Jermaine Dolly

09 Bless The Lord Anthony Brown & group therapy Feat. Doretha “Dodi” Sampson

10 I Need You Donnie McClurkin

William McDowell Feat. Trinity Anderson

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COMMUNITY Russell Funeral Home, Inc. 822 Carl Russell Ave. Winston-Salem, NC 27101 Phone: 336-722-3459 rusfhome@bellsouth.net

By Chis Raymond

hanksgiving Day can feel particularly cruel to those mourning the death of a loved one. Not only can the bereaved find it difficult to feel appreciative during this annual time of giving thanks, but the traditions, rituals and gatherings we often associate with the holiday also tend to emphasize the fact that a beloved family member or friend is not present and compound our feelings of loss. This article offers five tips to help you cope with the Thanksgiving Day holiday if you're grieving the death of a loved one. Permit Yourself to Say No For many years, you and your family have looked forward to gathering at your house on Thanksgiving Day. But this year, the thought of doing all of the shopping, cooking a turkey and all of the trimmings, setting the table and decorating your home all by yourself feels overwhelming. Or perhaps you've traditionally contributed a dish to the meal hosted by another family member or friend, but this year your heart just isn't in it. While the thought of altering your Thanksgiving holiday routine might feel difficult, you need to determine how much responsibility you feel comfortable taking on right now and then clearly communicate that to your family members and friends. Ask yourself if you just want help with a particular task or if you'd prefer someone else take on the responsibilities entirely this year. Remind yourself that it's okay to say "no" as you adjust to life after loss, and that those who love you will understand. Let it Go Most of us carry a mental picture of what the Thanksgiving Day holiday should look like. Books, magazines, movies, television commercials and even our childhood memories often fuel this idealization by creating an image of what a "perfect" Thanksgiving Day celebration entails. This can create a lot of pressure, which is another source of stress you don't need to deal with right now. Therefore, give yourself a pass this Thanksgiving by accepting things as they are, even if they fall short of the Norman Rockwell image in your head. Is the turkey a little dry this year? Add some more gravy. Can't muster the energy to host a full sit-down dinner at table? Set up a buffet and let people serve themselves. Whatever comes up, repeat to yourself: "Just let it go." Again, those who love you will understand.

Take Control of Your Fear Often, those mourning a death wonder, "How can I avoid thinking about him/her during the Thanksgiving holiday?" The truth is that you can't -- so why even try? Instead of letting the fear that you'll start remembering your loved one and feeling sad dictate your holiday, empower yourself by incorporating his or her memory into your Thanksgiving plans. For example, place a favorite photograph of your loved one and a lit candle in a quiet spot that signifies his or her presence in your hearts throughout the day. Did your beloved enjoy a particular holiday food? Then make sure you serve it in his or her honor. If you feel up to it, ask your family to share their favorite memories of your loved one before or after the meal. It is not uncommon for families to set a place for a departed loved one at the table -- the empty chair serving as a profound visual reminder of your loved one's presence in your hearts and minds. After the meal (assuming the tryptophan in the turkey hasn't made you sleepy), you might visit the cemetery, memorial site or some other place significant in the life of your loved one as a family. Start Fresh The Thanksgiving traditions we form with our family members and friends through the years can often feel just as confining as the bars of a prison. Baking that special Thanksgiving Day pie from scratch, getting up early/ staying out late to shop on Black Friday, putting up the holiday lights and decorations, etc., might be interwoven with your happiest Thanksgiving memories, but ask yourself if a particular tradition will really bring you joy this year or if you just feel pressure to do something because you've always done it this way and others expect it. If the latter, then consider establishing a new tradition -- just for this year -- that fits with your energy and mood. Consider purchasing a tasty fresh or frozen pie this year, shopping for gifts online, or asking a family member or friend to put up your lights and decorations. Remember, you can always resume your original tradition down the road if you'd like, but you might discover that a new tradition is just as fulfilling. Know Your Limits Finally, and perhaps most important, however you proactively decide to celebrate Thanksgiving Day this year, you should determine and know your limits ahead of time. For example, if you traditionally spend the entire day ►

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at the home of a family member or friend but don't think you'll feel up to it this year, then it's perfectly acceptable to tell the host/hostess beforehand that you want/need to leave by a certain time. If you usually accept several invitations to visit the Thanksgiving celebrations of various family members, friends, neighbors, etc., but don't think you'll have enough energy for all of them this year, then only agree to attend those you want to attend -particularly the gatherings where you think you will feel comfortable in your grief and receive support. And if you wish to limit your social activity simply because you would like to be alone, then know that this is entirely normal, too. Once again, anyone who truly loves you and knows the pain you're dealing with will understand. •

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aying full price for college should not be your goal. Let Reach Consulting show you how to avoid this pitfall to going to college. Welcome to Reach Consulting. Reach Consulting is here to help maximize your student's 9th-12th grade school experience by engaging in purposeful activities to prepare him or her for college admission and career entrance. Parents of students in grades 6-12 often wonder how to best assist their students with college admission and scholarship applications. As an educator with over 15 years of experience, I have also worked with many parents who have sought this information from traditional sources such as guidance counselors and teachers. Sometimes they get the help they need. Other times, they need more in order to help their students thrive and excel and gain a competitive edge when they subsequently apply for college admission and scholarships. There are 5 major concepts I teach students, particularly in middle and high school. It‟s the concept of the Big 5™.  Step 1 of the Big 5™: Give back. Developing your philanthropic or servant leadership spirit early will benefit you tremendously. For this step, begin by exploring causes that are important to you. What are you naturally drawn to? What makes you happy if you could give back?  Step 2 of the Big 5™: Play a sport or join a club. Often, students attempt multiple sports. If you are accomplished and want to try more than one sport during a school year, then by all means go for it. The challenge with playing multiple sports begins with the fact that different sports require varying muscle memory. My philosophy is to become a master of one rather than a jack-ofall-trades.  Step 3 of the Big 5™: Join a school or community based club. Clubs are an excellent way to express your personal interests and do something you really love. By your freshman year in high

TESTIMONY:

Atheist Teacher Turns to Christ After Pastor Asks God to Give Her a Miracle 14

school, if you have not already identified an interest, use this year to try multiple clubs until you find one in which you are interested. Once you find one club Aimy Steele you are interested Reach Consulting in, join it and do ‚Coach Aimy‛ your best in the club.  Step 4 in the Big 5™: Be an excellent student. This step includes studying hard, maintaining a high GPA, and doing well on the ACT & SAT. All of the previous Big 5™ components are what I consider to be the easier things. This by far is one of the toughest. Being a good student does not simply mean coming to school daily and turning in all your homework. That‟s a given. It is so much deeper than that. You have to be committed to your #1 job, which is to be an excellent student.  Step 5 in Big 5™: Obtain a job or have a responsibility outside of school. You mean I need to do all the above and have a job. Well, let‟s take a closer look. If you do all of the above with fidelity, which mean all the way like I describe above, then for this one you can choose to do a responsibility outside of school and document, document, document. The way you document is by keeping logs of the work you do. This shows consistency and responsibility. Consider working with your guidance counselors or a scholarship coach to prepare you and your student to be ready this fall for the journey of choosing the right balance of activities to do once in school. If you need further assistance, contact Coach Aimy right away at aimy@reachconsulting.co OR 704-239-2118.

Coach Aimy

Powerful testimony of a self-proclaimed atheist who came to Christ due in large part to the kind actions of a pastor.

“I

AUTHOR

Megan Briggs

‟m so excited to show the world that I am a Christian.” These are the words of Kim Menon, a kindergarten teacher from Seattle and a former atheist.

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Menon had “more than her fair share of life struggles,” according to the Christian Post. Between her father committing suicide when she was nine, her mother‟s ongoing illnesses, and her own depression and thoughts of suicide, Menon felt Kim Menon little reason to believe KINDERGARTEN TEACHER in a good God. But, after a years-long relationship with the pastor of The Landing Church Seattle and encounters with several missionaries, Menon has changed her mind about God and about those struggles. “I now can look back at all those trials and realize that I wasn‟t alone—that God was there with me.” In the video below, Menon tells the story of several experiences, which she now sees as God speaking to her over the course of time, converging into her accepting Christ as she was driving home from the grocery store with her two daughters. Menon says she “can physically feel God‟s love.” Menon‟s conversion is a unique story every leader should learn from. Pastor Andy Brown of The Landing Church Seattle offered to help out at Menon‟s school after enrolling his son in kindergarten there. Not only did Brown help the school free of charge (and brought missionary friends to help as well), he promised not to “impose his religion” while working there. Menon said she worked with over 100 missionaries who have volunteered at her school and was struck by the sincerity and love the missionaries lived out. The experience caused her reconsider her views on Christianity. Menon explains, “I just thought believers were unintelligent. I thought they were just blind to what was real. But I just met so many diverse people with different experiences and different levels of education.” A turning point came when Menon‟s mother was miraculously healed of a heart attack. The healing came after Brown prayed for Menon‟s mother and told her God was going to heal her. With all the concern over what feels like the freedom to express our faith being taken away, Menon‟s testimony should remind us of this truth Jesus told us: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” Often we balk at not being able to express our Christians views or lament our not being allowed to hold prayer meetings in public schools, but what could we accomplish if we were to follow the example of Pastor Brown and his missionary friends? Can we translate our talk into action instead, and if so, what might happen? Perhaps this would be living out what 1 John instructs to do: “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but indeed and in truth.” (3:18) •

Forsyth Seafood "Fresh Seafood Direct To You," that's the business premise that has given Forsyth Seafood Market & Cafe’ the recognized position as the best seafood restaurant provider in the area. Forsyth Seafood is boasted by many as the best seafood they have ever tasted anywhere! The freshness and novel flavor can be attributed to the owner's unique background. Both are from the Beaufort, North Carolina where seafood is king. Virginia Hardesty and her late husband Charlie Hardesty, started the business in 1984 by peddling shrimp from the back of a truck into the thriving fresh market and 100 seater restaurant that it is today. Since the passing of the late Charlie Hardesty the business has maintained it’s rich legacy through their daughter Ashley Hardesty who like her parents, values freshness and quality. Come taste the absolute freshness and wide variety of seafood, complemented with homemade coleslaw, hush puppies, and other great sides. From the ocean, to our market, to you..."Fresh Seafood Direct To You!‛ Visit us at 108 N. Martin Luther King Jr. Dr. Winston Salem, NC 27101. 336-748-0793 www.forsythseafood.com

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