Darren Darnborough - Collection of Articles

DARREN DARNBOROUGH JOURNALIST ------------------------PORTFOLIO OF ARTICLES darren@darrend.co.uk !

regular

I theLegal Alien

’ve just moved to Los Angeles, and I have a new name. Despite being an actor (isn’t everyone here?), it’s not a stage name.

No Siree, it’s a title bestowed upon me by the lovely guys at US immigration. I’ve never had a title before, apart from the ubiquitous and overused “Mr” and perhaps

Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

once an “Esquire” on a bank statement when I was twelve.

So now that I have, I will require everyone that greets me to do so as… drum roll…

“An Alien of Extraordinary Ability” I like it. It’s got a nice, conceited, self-indulged ring to it. Whilst folks in the Southern States may think I’m a green Martian able to break scientific boundaries and give life to the inanimate, what it actually means is that whatever it is that I have, no-one else has got in the whole of the US of A. I’m not even quite sure what it is, but it’s allowing me to stay in Hollywood for the next 3 years, so I won’t argue.

Los Angeles is a great place, but it’s taken me a few weeks to adjust.

Aside from the obvious language barrier (aluminium has one less syllable here), there are things that

are different, better, worse and just

There’s a lot of English people

plain strange.

here too, all laden down with negative attitudes, seemingly not

Over the coming months, I shall

able to shake off the rain clouds.

report back my findings from the

They complain about everyone

other side of the pond…

being “flakey” and letting them down last-minute. I’ve discovered

Coming from England, we’re

that being a “flake” doesn’t

used to reading about celebrities

necessarily mean you’re unreliable.

drunk and disorderly in the London

It’s just a polite Angeleno’s way of

haunts. It’s a totally different concept

indicating that you’re boring and

here though – you actually can’t

they’d rather not hang out with you.

get away from them, and I’m not

I’ve also heard Brits whinging about

just talking about Jade Goody and

how fake the “have a nice day” line is,

a Sugababe in Chinawhite. In

though I’d rather have someone tell

my first two weeks here, I’d met

me that and not be 100% genuine,

Matthew Perry, got kisses from Eva

than have them tell me to get lost

Mendes and the new Bond girl,

and mean it…

partied with Paris Hilton, Luke Perry and Ludacris, queued for

I’m also getting through far too much

the cinema behind Justin and

money tipping here – the culture is

Cameron, “witnessed” the Bride

insane. If I had a tip for every time I

of Wildenstein, saw Tarantino in

tipped I’d be loaded. I think the only

Starbucks and got the “are you

people that don’t get tipped are the

English line” from Ray Winstone’s

homeless. The bartenders earn so

daughter, in a dive bar frequented by

much here, the rumour is that it’s

Ryan Phillippe. Exhausting.

actually harder to get a bar job than an acting job in this town…

Everybody has a celeb connection and name-dropping is rife. I actually

But I can’t grumble. The sun is

met Julio Iglesias’ pharmacist the

shining, the parties are wild, and I’m

other night. Seriously. The weird thing

about to head out to another event

is, you’re as likely to meet someone

in the Hollywood hills, where I will no

famous in KFC as you are at a red-

doubt be flanked by further gorgeous

carpet party. Where unfortunately,

A-listers whilst looking out over the

you still can’t get away from the

Pacific. And that sure as hell beats

“freshen-up” toilet attendants!

seeing a Sugababe waiting for a taxi.

This month’s

Hot Hangout The TPG restaurant in Beverly Hills is currently causing quite a stir. Set in picturesque gardens on the famous Rodeo Drive, it’s already amassed a rich celebrity client list, and boasts superb steaks, sushi, and Japanese favourites such as Wagyu Beef and Blackened Cod. A relaxed and funky vibe with a live DJ in the bar area makes one of LA’s only high-class Kosher restaurants a hot ticket.

Book early!

The Prime Grill, 421 Rodeo Dr. LA Reservations:

+1310 860 1233

B brit on the Haruptatincim hitist eum rem boulevard

rit on the oulevard

I’m coming up now to the end of my 5th year in LA, and happy to say it hasn’t got any less exciting, any less interesting, and familiarity hasn’t bred too much contempt. It’s been a fun summer (yes we still differentiate in a place of year round sunshine) and August’s approach to Labor Day (after which apparently you should not wear white) has been satisfactorily exciting...

On Monda y...

I have an evening date planned despite my lethargy (I’d completely over-partied the whole weekend at the 6-man competition in Manhattan Beach... picture beach volleyball and several players from the LA Lakers, and an NBA all-star) and there really is only one thing to do on a Monday night in Hollywood, and that’s going to see Steel Panther at the House Of Blues on Sunset Strip. We head over to catch this pseudo -comedy rock troupe who, complete with shaggy perms and way too much spandex, belt out rock classics from the 80’s greats, along with their own originals such as ‘Asian Hooker’ and ‘Community Propert y’ (the propert y in question being his man-parts). Deliberately politically incorrect, this gig never fails to amuse, and tonight was no exception with even Dane Cook jumping on stage to help with vocals, and Corey Feldman moonwalking in Jackson get-up before lending a song.

it, I get a call from my agent and a need to cut my pinot grigio short and head home to pack – I have a flight to New York the next day to shoot a print campaign for Microsoft for their new Office 365 product. It’s always a pleasure to travel with work, and I convince the production company to extend my stay a few more days to catch up with some east coast friends and business. I arrive, check in at the trendy Maritime Hotel in the meatpacking district , and head out for dinner in Hell’s Kitchen with my actress/ NYC partyhost friend Sally.

Over a couple of dirty martinis and some fab French food at Marseille, we talk about Sally’s cult Naked Painting Party, where a bunch of new Yorkers show up, strip down, get drunk and paint each other. We try to figure out whether this successf ul concept could translate to LA, but decide that whilst inhibitions are not really the problem, Angelenos are too worried about who sees them doing what, too scared of photos circulating, too flighty to stay at the same party long enough to get painted, and too reliant on their car to get drunk enough to get naked.

Thanks to the beauty of Facebook check-ins, my LA-based friend Miles (the guru behind the world’s first web drama LonelyGirl15) joins us and gives his input, but after a few more fancy cocktails I can’t remember what that input may have been.

...

On We dne sday The

I am enjoying happy hour at Olive on Sunset with my friend Kelsey, hearing about her new party staffing company Quench LA, and the various reality TV show offers circulating

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Autumn 2011

On Sat urd ay..., rainy

Brunch in Union Sq, a massage afternoon beers at the pool of the Thompson LES hotel, and topped off with a fantastic evening dinner for a film Producer friend’s birthday at new hotspot Beauty & Essex, on the lower east side. This unique restaurant masquerades as a rundown pawn

shop from outside, but making your way through the collectibles and trinkets leads you to an atmospheric and glamorous bar area, followed by several restaurant rooms all uniquely themed with intricate and elegant decor, whilst maintaining a fun and designer atmosphere. Future planned reservations are definitely recommended – this place was packed – and my recommendations are the Kobe Beef Carpaccio, Roasted Bone Marrow, Grilled Cheese & Tomato Soup Dumplings, and seared Ahi. A great all round dining experience, although the music can be a little too loud for intimate conversation. A nightcap at the very intimate (read: tiny) Blue Ribbon bar finished us off, prior to a Sunday jam-packed with unexpected culture...

The Tue sday...

was a sombre comedown, I sat in a cafe watching back to back videos of the emerging London riots, not understanding how this could possibly be my countrymen.

Ashamed of being British from those committing, but proud of the British camaraderie that assisted the clean up and defense. An evening cruise on the Hudson river, looking at the beautiful lit Manhattan skyline, Statue of Liberty, and the gaping hole where I once admired the twin towers put into perspective that you can’t be at war with your own community, trashing your own neighborhood, shitting on your own doorstep. There are far greater threats out there. My morning 10 mile run to break in my new K-Swiss took me past the construction of the new World Trade Center, a great reminder of America’s spirit of brushing off and carrying on.

brit on the boulevard

An othe r man ic Monda y...

LA is a place of constant meetings – at coffee shops, restaurants, bars, hiking trails... Everyone wants to meet and talk , some to plan and execute extraordinary things, others I’m sure just to make themselves feel busy. But if you have to do meetings, then at least do them somewhere fabulous. Friday’s sunset meeting at my favorite rooftop in LA, the members-only Petit Ermitage, was extremely fruitful, as I was asked to be the LA Ambassador for the Global Party, a major worldwide charity event thrown simultaneously at 80 of the world’s most elite venues. My job? To find and host the LA one. We toasted my new position with dinner at NYC restaurateur Sean Macpherson’s new place Il Covo, a quaint and romantic Italian spot, with sumptious decor, recipes and patio dining, followed by drinks at the dark and moody Roger Room, a celeb favorite.

afte r...

The We dne sday at the Palihouse

Some more birthdays... A night (Moustache essential) and The Spare Room at the Roosevelt, complete with vintage bowling alleys (and look out for the barroom games hidden in the tables, and the photo-booth hidden in the bookcase) set me up nicely for some Thursday night bar-hopping, which took us from The Edison downtown, situated in the first power plant in LA with original effects and their famed 35c martini, to a private Malibu-sponsored special event with performance by Brit Taio Cruz. A fun event, but even the free-flowing Malibu cocktails didn’t distract from Mr Cruz’s terrible miming ability – you have to at least pretend the microphone is near your mouth Taio!

The big movie event of the moment was The Help, so a screening of that was definitely in order. Hotly tipped for an Oscar nod, with a dramatic buzz around Tinseltown, this heartfelt story had all the trappings of a modern classic, and an equally interesting back story. The writer/ director, Tate Taylor, a long-time friend of ‘Andy’ in my series ‘Andy & Chaz’, bought the option to the unknown book that his friend wrote years ago. A multitude of publishers turned it down for years. Then one picked it up, the book was a hit, and Tate helmed the movie, keeping a lot of control over creative decisions and casting, including hiring his friend Octavia Spencer. A really nice story of hard work, Hollywood success, a great eye for talent and reiterating that he who holds the propert y makes the deal.

Au gust go?!

Wh ere did my prepari ng for the LA version The next few days were spent of The Global Party, and packing for my upcoming trip....where I had no idea what was in store for me!

It all began with a random Facebook friend request from a beautiful Turkish girl. I said “Hey have we met?” and the reply said “yes at Elton John’s Oscar party” and a photo was sent as evidence. The conversation that transpired culminated in an all-inclusive hosted trip as a Hollywood guest of Istanbul Fashion Week, alongside Matt Dillon and stylist to the stars George Blodwell.

ember A September toandrem Singer; Demet

And so, thanks to Turkish Model Lee Oger, I kicked off the month of September flying business class into Istanbul, where I was met at the door of the aircraft, whisked through security VIP style, into the back of a black van, by three serious looking fellows in sharp black suits. I probably shouldn’t have watched the Liam Neeson film on the plane...

Fortunately for me, when we arrived at the luxurious House Hotel in Nisantasi, to a wine and fruit reception, I was formally introduced – my personal host (who usually works for the president), my personal chauffeur, and my personal bodyguard. Bodyguard? This would be interesting... I was whisked off for a traditional Turkish meal and local beer at Su’ada restaurant, in the center of the Bosphorus river, right on the dividing line between Asia and Europe. 45 minutes of sleep time in the hotel, and I was back on a flight to London, where I had some business to take care of a for a week: some home stuff, film finance meetings, and the worldwide launch of The Global Party. As the LA ambassador, I was an official guest at the Natural History Museum, amongst Sir Richard Branson, the Saturdays, Lily Cole and others.

Barely time to sleep and I’m back on a flight to Istanbul, this time for longer than 12 hours, to take part in the fashion week festivities. Again, my hosts were extremely courteous and planned, and my five days took me from front row seats at D Kaprol’s alien themed accessories show to private dinners at amazing restaurants .

Back in LA, it was still all go... the Global Party, one of the last to be held across the world.Rushing around delivering some last minute invitations; beautifully presented boxes, the actual ticket a silver key-ring called Key2lux ury. These keys cannot be bought, are held by people including Madonna and Beyonce, and give benefits such as free champagne at the Dorchester.

Our LA party was something special. Once again the champagne was flowing amd the music was great. An all round successf ul evening for a good cause.

“

”

at However, after all th decided excitement, my body e to come down with th ber! to shingles... bring on Oc Autumn 2011

seventy2minutes.com

33

leisure Dinner Date

London

Al Fresco

Darren D heads out of the kitchen and into the great outdoors in search of London’s best outdoor eateries.

I

t’s not often us Londoners get a

a summer drink by bar industry

amidst one-and-a-half acres of exotic

date with Mr Al Fresco, so when

magazine Theme. And if the influx of

themed gardens and wildlife. A table

we do, we all rush out, with our

Kiwis and Aussies gets a bit much for

on the terrace will really impress,

best flip-flops, summer togs,

you, there are plenty of other nearby

to take in the views of the London

riverside bars to escape to!

skyline whilst enjoying a real gourmet

and designer sunglasses to descend upon the few places in the capital

experience, and not a big red V in

where we can soak up our measly

Heading into the West End,

sight! During summer evenings,

yearly ration of sunshine, whilst doing

rejuvenated by your Pimm Pomm

the club also spills out to the

what we seem to do best – eating

(try it – Pimms & Pomegranate!),

gardens where a great outdoor

and drinking.

there is no better place to stop for

BBQ takes place, and often live

an early evening dinner, watching the

bands. If you haven’t been yet, you

But as you see the sun break through

sun go down, than Richard Branson’s

really are missing out on one of

the clouds on a Friday afternoon, as

Kensington Roof Gardens, Derry

London’s treasures.

sure as it will rain the very next day, you’ve already forgotten

Before your special night

all those great outdoor places

at Roof Gardens though,

that you “discovered” last

you are bound to have

year. After all, it’s been a while

headed to Bond Street for

since you got a chance to go!

that new outfit ‘schweedie’, so whilst there, stop for a

So here’s a rundown of some

drink at 43 South Molton

great places, so you’re fully

Street (Tube: Bond Street),

prepared for the outdoor-

an exclusive members bar

table-dash next time you

that have opened up a small

spot a few rays….

terrace area in front of the club, complete with Astroturf

Coming in from Heathrow,

grass and white picket fence

first stop, and great for

– perfect to unwind and

a Sunday afternoon is

people-watch!

The Pitcher & Piano, 11 Bridge Street, Richmond

A stone’s throw away, is

(Tube: Richmond). Set

another plush haunt of the

aside a very picturesque part of the

Street, Kensington (Tube: High

glitterati, No. 5 Cavendish

River Thames, this pub has a large

St Kensington). This stunning venue

Square (Tube: Oxford Circus), a

outdoor area, decent bar menu,

is set 100ft above Kensington High

boutique hotel, fine dining restaurant,

and has been voted as one of the

Street, with restaurant Babylon and

and members club set just off Oxford

top 20 worldwide locations to enjoy

Roof Gardens Nightclub centred

Street. On a busy night, push your

AIRCREW UK

| 87

way through the beautiful young

steamer is moored on the central

set, if that’s your thing. So, armed

models waiting to meet a rich

section of the Thames, looking out

with this info, it’ll be up to you to

“sponsor”, and you will discover the

over the Houses of Parliament and

arrange the next night out for your

intimate ground floor courtyard, and

the London Eye, and has 4 bars – 2

friends when sunshine strikes. Rip

the roof terrace, boasting impressive

inside and 2 on the deck. Drinks are

this page out for reference, and

views. Posh & expensive, like a

pub prices, the crowd are friendly,

keep it somewhere safe. Like in your

certain footballer’s wife!

there is a mix of DJs and comedy

umbrella case. Enjoy!

for your entertainment and a BBQ to For a members club, that really

keep the munchies at bay. This venue

is members-only, find a way of

can get really busy and is great fun

getting invited to Century Club,

if the music is good and everyone’s

61-63 Shaftesbury Avenue (Tube:

dancing on the top deck!

Piccadilly Circus). No promoters,

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guest-lists, low-cut tops or superstar

If you’re looking for something more

blags work here – if you aren’t with a

intimate though, Chez Gerard,

member, you’re not coming in. Which

Opera Terrace (Tube: Covent

is a shame, as you’d miss their

Garden) offers great French cuisine

For access to al fresco

walled roof terrace, a sanctuary from

(“the best Steak-Frites this side of

hideaways such as

the noise and bustle of London that

Paris”) and bar snacks and has a

Kensington Roof Gardens,

somehow manages to keep such a

pleasant terrace area, looking out

43 South Molton, No. 5

high sense of exclusivity that many

over the Covent Garden piazza

good venues lose. Get to know 3 or

towards the Royal Opera House.

more members to recommend you,

Note to non-tourists: it’s OK. This is

and you’ll also find yourself invited

the opposite side to the annoying

to their beachside residence during

busker with the unicycle and

the Cannes Film Festival, one of the

clown horn!

hottest places to go where mingling with A-listers is guaranteed.

If you find yourself venturing north, check out Edinboro Castle, 57

For those too cheap/scruffy/not

Mornington Terrace, Camden

connected enough for Century, a

(Tube: Camden Town). This traditional

great place to start and finish a warm

pub, just a short walk from Regents

summers evening, is on board the

Park, has a pretty tree-lined garden

Tattershall Castle, Kings Reach,

large enough for 200 people and

Victoria Embankment (Tube:

serves up a great gourmet BBQ. It’s

Embankment). Absolutely nothing

also rumoured to cater for the odd

like a castle, this quirky old paddle

celeb from the infamous Primrose Hill

88 | AIRCREW UK

Cavendish Sq and the best members clubs and private bars in London visit exclusive concierge service www.innerplace.co.uk

1 month free trial and 25% discount on membership fees for AIRCREW readers – email info@innerplace.co.uk for details, quoting “AIRCREW”

feature

Hollywood Dreams Of Dubai.

If the rest of the world looks to Hollywood, why is their eye on Dubai?

By Darren D.

Like the A-grade student at high school that modestly acknowledges his grades, Dubai has accomplished a reputation with the world’s media as an amazingly fast-growing, up-and-coming and successful metropolis.

This is namely due to the recent years’ growth in the area in terms of wealth, business and development. Particularly noted for its ability to build, Dubai is rumoured to currently have 25% of all cranes in the world constructing a number of record-breaking structures and projects. Within a few years, the vicinity will play host to the world’s largest waterfront development; the largest artificial islands; the most luxurious hotel; the first underwater hotel; the largest theme park; the largest tourist attraction; the first spaceport; the largest indoor skiing facility; and the largest shopping mall. Clearly with a penchant for doing things the biggest and best, it is small wonder that this Middle-Eastern centre now attracts the eyes of the ostentatious Hollywood.

Dubai is hot on the lips of all the current starlets at the top Hollywood events these days, and a knowledge of, anecdote or tale of experience is becoming somewhat of a status symbol. Even better, is if you have done any business there, own a business there, or have a place to live there. If these topics are spoken by someone in the room, the rest of the crowd look on wide-eyed, like an ambitious young actress talking to a hotshot producer. Everyone now wants a piece of the place that epitomises eastern glamour, mystique and the ever-alluring elitist clique.

Los Angeles has by no means lost its crown as the place where celebrities and success resides. The Hollywood Hills, Beverly Hills, Bel Air and Malibu are still very respected places to inhabit, but the shift is happening.

Those with the Black Amex cards in their aircrew UAE

53

“A lot of international clients are now shooting there because of the convenience, and I want more international campaigns, so it’s the place to be.”

wallet now want extra kudos, such as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie who are shunning their Malibu homes for some UAE action. The couple have recently invested in Ethiopia, one of the private reclaimed-land islands on The World complex, off the Dubai coast, in an apparent bid to help highlight the issues in the region. No doubt, many will follow suit, in order to keep up with the Jolies’ – a much favoured Hollywood past-time.

Celebrity Stylist to the stars George Blodwell predicted this coming, triggered by an event at the Cannes Film Festival in 2005.

“There was this huge party on the beach at the Majestic Hotel to promote the Dubai International Film Festival, and there was such an immediate buzz” he explained. “They had this huge camel, great food, plenty of glamour, and it really became a talking point.”

Glamour is something that George is not alien to, having styled Hollywood’s biggest stars, from Halle Berry to Charlize Theron, Catherine

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aircrew UAE

Zeta Jones to Pierce Brosnan. “I soon noticed that my celebrity friends and clients in LA were always discussing Dubai, and it became a very hot topic, and extremely fashionable.”

In the last few years, Dubai has become increasingly fascinating for the Hollywood fashion set, and according to George, it’s where the new money and style is. “I would love to dress some of the higherprofile people there, as they wear glamour and grace well. It would be great to bring some Hollywood style to the Middle East, to introduce the glamour whilst still respect the culture and limitations of it”. With his current client being Oscar-winning Helen Mirren for this season’s major awards, the Dubai elite could probably be in no better hands.

Many of the major LA fashion stores and brands are also setting up camp in the city’s malls, most recently the hip selection

boutique Kitson. Only 3 years old in LA, it has become a definitive style hotspot with the celebrities and fashionistas, and interestingly enough, they have chosen to open their first store outside of LA in Dubai. When quizzed why they did not pick the formulaic route of New York and London, owner Fraser Ross quoted “Simply put, Dubai is shopping on steroids. It’s a crazy shopping mecca.” The attraction of the British and European crowds there also influenced their decision, as did Dubai’s fascination with Hollywood. “People from Dubai really love anything and anyone LA” he said. “We particularly get a lot of shoppers over here from Dubai in August, so we understand what they like.” The Kitson stock has been carefully adapted to suit the new store – no religious emblems, nudity, swear words, and the more conservative gear is proving successful, whilst still retaining the quirks of their taste.

For every fashion label, there is also someone modelling it, and this is another booming market, destined for much success. Robert Sabel, a top fashion model in the UK was all set for his LA move, when Dubai beckoned.

As the most recent Levis model, his picture will soon be plastered all over Tinsletown billboards for the campaign, garnering interest from the key clients in Hollywood. However, after being scouted by an agency in Dubai, through his UK representation, he was lured to that scene. “Dubai seems to be doing one better in every sense, in every other market, so why not modelling” he tells us. Robert loves the idea of Media City, where everything for his industry is contained, and thinks this is helping its triumph. “A lot of international clients are now shooting there because of the convenience, and I want more international campaigns, so it’s the place to be.” The lifestyle also attracted him, but he realises he will have to make adjustments. “There’s a slightly bad combination of a lack of alcohol, aircrew UAE

55

“Dubai is very advanced in a lot of different ways, and is going to beat everybody at their game. Simply put, they have the money.”

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aircrew UAE

and covered-up girls, but I think I can handle it if the work’s good, and I can always go to LA for vacation!”

Not to be left out of the proverbial mix, the music scene is also enticed by Dubai’s

following the success of her events at the Cannes, Venice and LA festivals and awards.

Renowned for her high calibre of big name celebrities attending her suites, to receive complimentary products and gifts to the value of $45,000 per attendee, she thought

culture. House music DJs The Eye Candy Twins have been attempting to crack the Hollywood scene, by playing at the latest celebrity venues in a bid to get more highprofile work, but are more in demand in Dubai and the far-east, especially since their TV show “The DJ Factory” was shot this summer.

“They are going so crazy for European DJs that your price doubles as soon as you get there”. The twins like the vibe in Dubai, as it is more about the music. “It’s one huge party place” says Allister. “People are just out to have fun, not to drink, or pass out business cards, which makes it a better crowd for us”.

that Dubai was the perfect place to extend this concept. She described her first gift suite there as “very very busy, like our third year in Cannes” and was attended by stars such as Hayden Christensen, Rachel Bilson, and director Michael Cimino. Her lavish gifts were received very well, including a first class safari in Kenya and $2000 diamond skincare treatment, very evocative of the perceived Dubai lifestyle. “We didn’t want to leave” she exclaims. “Dubai is very advanced in a lot of different ways, and is going to beat everybody at their game. Simply put, they have the money”.

It seems as though there is a flourishing events scene in Dubai right now, and this caught the eye of Hollywood event Producer Nathalie Dubois. Her company DPA has just produced the official Gift Suite for the 2007 Dubai International Film Festival, something which she has long been aiming to do

So, Dubai continues to flourish, as it collects up Hollywood’s stars, its fashion, its events, music, and talent. With the HQ of Aircrew based in Dubai too, perhaps it’s only a matter of time before your favourite Hollywood correspondent signs up and follows suit.

regular

I have never…

…had a colonic irrigation.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2008 was to do something every month that I have never done before. Over the next year, this page will chart my escapades in all their glory. Or not. Feel free to email suggestions to ihavenever@aircrewmagazine.com New Years Eve 2007 9.45pm Having the ubiquitous resolution chat, my good friend Eileen divulges her previous year of doing things she’d never done each month: starting a podcast, skydiving, having an affair, and other unmentionables! It inspired me…

New Year’s Day 2008 8.00pm Word of my challenge spread like Burberry on a council estate, and our inability to roll anywhere without an entourage meant there were no less than eight friends in line for their first intestine flush.

January 6th 2008

11.37pm After much table-chat and consideration of our previous year’s partying, a colonic irrigation was decided upon as the first month’s “I Have Never”.

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4.22pm With our block-booking organised, and time-slots defined (so glad it was not a group session!) we head to the nearest

Organic store, to stock up on bran flakes,

4.20pm Sitting in the baby-delivery position,

bran muffins, bran, fruit and more bran to

with the slight pain now just a minor

prepare our guts for the impending intrusion.

discomfort, Karin turns on the water, and reassures me with humour and explanations.

Reports of belly nerves were spoken of regularly. We were unsure if these were

As the warm water fills up my stomach, it is

anticipatory, or psychological, but were present nonetheless.

a slightly weird feeling, but not as obvious as you would imagine. She flushes backwards

January 7th 2008

and we watch the tube with eagerness. To me, it looks clear; to Karin, it’s bursting with

9.00am The big day arrives. Another bowl of

toxins. I am sure she has been informed of my partying ways by my friends…

bran for breakfast prep, and some Satsuma’s, before fasting until my time slot. Weird belly nervousness continues.

2.00pm Text message reports from my colonic-crew fly in, riddled with nonsensical adjectives. I cunningly took the last slot, in case there were tales of horror, but at worst it was comical. No backing out now, excuse my pun.

3.45pm I arrive at the clinic, just after my TV celebrity friend leaves, having had her first of many “fabulous” flushes. Hmmm.

4.00pm Karin, my pregnant, unusually happy and perfectly familiar hydro-therapist bounces in, explaining the process using a chart of the colon, intestine and other unmentionables, through a continuous and slightly unnerving grin.

4.10pm I am led to my room, and change into a hospital gown. As I undress, I can’t help feeling like I am on my way to prison, with the guaranteed impending occurrences associated.

4.15pm Karin bounces back in a pink tracksuit, rolls me over on to one side and….

I briefly distract myself with the revelation that this month, I am actually indulging in two “I Have Nevers” in one fell swoop. Ouch.

4.30pm Several clear flushes later, including one with cold water, like drinking Evian upside down, and hooray: Our tube carries dark nuggets of toxins. Karin and I smile at each other like proud parents, as she continues to massage my stomach.

4.40pm A few releases later, each more productive than the last, I am relieved and shuffle to the bathroom. I sit there for far longer than probably necessary in postcolonic nervousness. It’s actually quite amazing what we are carrying around inside of us, and makes you think a lot about what you eat and drink.

5.00pm Back home with my colonic-pals, we discuss. Some feel fresh as a daisy, some slimmer, others light-headed. I am indifferent.

9.47pm Having not learnt to rectify my ways, at a party laden down with champagne and canapés, I get an incredible and unjust energy explosion, and begin dancing like Lionel Blair on overdrive. I feel fantabulous, and hurry home to book more sessions.

Darren’s colonic hydrotherapy was administered

by Karin Nahmani ND at the Pure Center in LA. New bookings mentioning “Aircrew” will receive a 10% discount off their first session. www.purecenter.com aircrew UK

93

Rock for MS NY

My Current Good Cause

A&J NY neurology now

charity

Jim & Matt Sorum fr…revolver la

MSFriends People helping people that like help from people.

What do they do?

MSFriends has a primary mission to improve the quality of life for people with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), for their families, and their friends - a chronic illness suffered by over 2.5 million people worldwide, with 1.5 million affected by it in the USA alone.

How does they do that?

With their philosophy of “friends helping friends”, they offer the first 24/7 telephone helpline at 1 866 673 7436 (tollfree in the USA), staffed entirely by people who have MS, linking callers to assistance, vital information and education about the disease.

This endeavour is made possible through various fundraising events and products, based around fashion, music and Rock & Roll, the innovation of President Amelia Davis. An MS sufferer herself, over 10 years

ago she was hired to assist famed Rock photographer Jim Marshall, who was aware of her condition, and has since become a passionate advocate for the cause. Together they bring together the major Rock and Roll photographers once a year to donate their photographs to raise money in their signature event “Rock For MS”, and through their limited edition guitar-pick necklaces.

How can YOU help?

• You can support MSFriends by donating cash as a one-off payment, or recurring amount through their website.

• You can volunteer to staff the helpline, if you are an MS sufferer, have certain personal qualities, and computer access.

• You can attend their fundraising events • You can buy products from their online store.

• You can spread the word of this invaluable service to sufferers that you know. aircrew UK

95

Spring 2012

issue 4

Charlene Amoia serving up a slice of American Pie…

2012

Start as you mean to go on

Do not make your New Year’s resolutions before you’ve read this!

B brit on the Haruptatincim hitist eum rem boulevard

rit on the oulevard Monthly musings & shenanigans from a Brit in LA

Sch ool’s out

Hollywood, being the funny place that it is, virtually shuts down at the end of the year. Well, not exactly closed completely, but the proximity of a little holiday called Thanksgiving, to that other little holiday called Christmas, means that most people in the film industry (and let’s face it, those involved and those that service it make up about 98% of LA) seem to kick back around this time of year, or simply leave town. And so, the social calendar so akin to the Brit On The Boulevard column can seem a little like a pre-Rogaine patient, not least because of all the vacationing, but also in part to the onslaught of parties, events and happenings that will constantly fill up the diary in the upcoming “awards season” of January to March. However, quiet it was not; and there seemed to be an end-of-year theme of movies, movie festivals, major charity events, and good old American holidays.

Lady Victoria Hervey and Amy Hedrick at Virgin Unite dinner

26

seventy2minutes.com

Spring 2012

The screening of ‘The Way’ with Martin Sheen

Love film

I am enjoying happy hour at The Stand out films of the season included a couple of Clooney triumphs – The Ides Of March, and The Descendants – which have earned George quite a few nods in the upcoming nominations.

Biographical stories of inspiration were also in fashion, but often overlooked or undersold, from the uncomfortable tragedy that Gerard Butler’s Machine Gun Preacher battled; to the relentless faith for Burma shown in The Lady (Michelle Yeoh and David Thewlis); Eddie Redmayne’s surprising rendezvous with Michelle Williams in My Week With Marilyn and the heartfelt, funny and transformational journey that Martin Sheen takes us on in The Way, directed by his son and a film I had the pleasure of seeing alongside Martin himself, who explained it was “a film dedicated to a grandfather, inspired by a grandson”. Big pictures Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol and The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo were also eagerly anticipated.

One good turn... or two

Charity events also took the stage in Hollywood. The 4th annual Dream Awards for Hollywood Arts took over

the Music Box with sunset cocktails followed by a dinner of fundraising and honoring the homeless youth that have been helped off the streets and trained for the working environment by this fantastic charity.

Many stars were out in force for this event, and likewise, for the annual ‘Rock The Kasbah’ benefit dinner for Virgin Unite, for which yours truly is on the gala committee. Hosted by Sir Richard Branson, and his mother Eve, this celebrit y-packed soiree filled to the rafters of the ‘Boulevard 3’ venue, for a fantastic performance by Mary J Blige and the Pussycat Dolls revue, raising incredible amounts of money for Eve Branson’s projects in Morocco and throughout the world.

Celebrities such as Will.I.am, Amber Valetta, Paris Hilton, Geena Davis and Stan Lee enjoyed food by Vietnamese restaurant Crustacean, and bid on auction items including a stay on Necker Island, creating a new Ben & Jerry’s flavour, and the right to name a Virgin plane. Another event of note was an awareness builder for Love146 held in a private home in the Hollywood Hills, highlighting the plight to end human trafficking and slavery, which is much more prominent on the home ground of the USA than people think.

A few film festivals were also graced with my presence, from the AFM (American Film Market), a true industry crowd, to the glamorously titled Beverly Hills Film Festival, confusingly with a launch at the Hollywood Roosevelt, and the Bel Air Film Festival (for which I sit on the Advisor y Board) which held its opening night reception at the Skirball Cultural Center, honoring Bob Yari (Producer of Oscar-winner Crash) for his efforts in movies.

brit on the boulevard

Mu sic, people, toge ther Wh o said that?

My music taste buds were satisfied sufficiently with an intimate performance by Usher & David Guetta on the Jimmy Kimmel show, and the Grammy Nominations concert at Nokia Theater, hosted by LL Cool J, who actually put his rap hat back on, and flamboyant turns by Lada Gaga, and a telecast of Rihanna from London’s O2 arena, but it was nonperformer Bruno Mars, and Adele that cleared up with the most nods.

sCare foundation Halloween with Jamie Lee Curtis and producer Malek Addad

La Jolla Beach

Tric ky trea ts!

You could not mention this time of year without acknowledging Halloween, which Americans do so well. My week long celebration of the eerie festivities (which by the way don’t have to be scary in US costume tradition) had me take in a special themed night at Universal Studios, full of haunted mazes and zombie characters, through to a three day marathon of the Playboy Mansion (party-rocked by LMFAO); a sCare benefit at the Conga Room (hosted by the producer of Halloween and Jamie Lee Curtis; and the West Hollywood Street Parade and the Brits in LA Dead British party, where you had to come as a dead British celebrit y, or just something Dead British, like a cup of tea.

UK to US, that spec ial rela tion ship just keeps givin g Far more civilized than that, was a night at the British Consulate, where we ate mini Yorkshire puddings and the like, to celebrate delegates brought from the UK to Silicon Valley, who were bridging the gap between Entertainment and Tech, a thought resonated at the, British-owned, Newspepper launch party the same night at the former Paul & Andre nightclub.

Halloween, USA style!

Girls of the Playboy Mansion

and rela x...

Amongst all that partying, Thanksgiving and Christmas offers great times to rest, and get out and see the Californian countryside, and I did much of that, taking in short trips to the calm and classy beaches of La Jolla, to the Pine Forests of Idyllwild.

Christmas day itself was spent taking advantage of the diverse scenery and climate of California, by having dinner in a swanky Hollywood Hills home by day, and drinking champagne in a snow-surrounded outdoor hot-tub two hours later that night at Big Bear Mountain. I topped the year off at a Russian Prince’s New Year’s Eve party at a $25m mansion with a view, and Smoke & Mirrors nightclub, followed by a lazy day at Paradise Cove on Malibu beach for New Year’s Day. Sufficient unwinding one would say, for the marathon of Awards events that are about to hit us.

Spring 2012 seventy2minutes.com

27

regular

A theLegal Alien

ll of our vehicles have Flux Capacitors! said Chad, Randy or whatever equally

cliché name this car salesman had.

I was standing in the lot of the 23rd car dealer I had visited that day, in my pursuit to eradicate hire car fees,

Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

and get myself independently mobile in Los Angeles. It was, however, not proving an easy task. No matter how definite my description of the features, budget, colour or model, it appeared that every single car was “just what I needed”.

My first stop of the day took me to a small dealer of classic Cadillacs on Sunset Boulevard. The owner whom I can describe in no better way than Del Boy and 50 Cent’s lovechild seemed not to take to me too well.

“This one’s outta your price range” he belted, before asking me what that might be. “You’re gonna end up like one of those loony-freaks wearing a tutu on Hollywood Boulevard talking that mess.”

Interesting. Later that day, I found a dealer from England, who “understood my pain”. After a backslap or two, and four attempts to upsell warranties, fiddle the finance quote, and convince me that green really was my colour, I left empty handed. You can take the man out of Peckham…

I finally found the perfect car – the

It seems that the moral here is that

bad mood. 20 minor faults later, we

exact model, colour, price and

they trust until they have reason to

parked up. But here’s the ridiculous

condition I was looking for. I called

mistrust, whereas the British attitude

thing: “You’re allowed fifteen faults.

to make an appointment, and the

is vice versa. With my gleaming new

You made twenty. You’ve failed,” he

dealer asked me to meet him in the

car acquired, I then had to overcome

grunted at me. So I said thank you,

car park of a burger joint. I enquired

one more obstacle – the driving test.

and I drove off anyway, thanks to the

about coming to the showroom,

It is law that if you buy and register

British license in my pocket!

but he “assured me” that they don’t

a car in California, you have to get a

have one – they just park them there.

Californian license. How hard can it

You’ll be pleased to know I passed

Fishy, I thought, but intrigue got the

be, I thought? I’d been driving for 11

my second test with flying colours,

better of me.

years in England, and for the last 2

so the California highways now have

months here.

the pleasure of another pasty white

I told him I’d meet him there in ten

Brit driving around with the music

minutes. “Oh I’m busy elsewhere

The written test was first, which was

up and the hood down, making a

right now” he said “but you go ahead

a breeze of multiple choice:

complete tourist of himself. You’ve

and look – the door’s open, and the keys are under the sun visor”.

gotta love us...

If you see a red hexagonal sign with the words “STOP” in

Really? This was a slick, black,

the middle, you must:

Chrysler convertible in mint condition.

A Come to a complete stop, and

I went down, and sure enough, it was

look around before you proceed.

parked at a drive-thru. I pulled the

B Carry on driving absent-mindedly,

handle, and sure enough the door

being very careful not to spill the

opened. I lifted the sun visor, and

liquor you are consuming

sure enough the keys were there.

C Immediately abort your vehicle,

I pulled the roof down, played the

in order to instigate an impromptu

stereo, popped the trunk, all on my

protestation about KFC’s cruelty

own with no-one around. I called the

to chickens (and bread buns) on

dealer back and asked to meet him –

the sidewalk, whilst attempting

the car was perfect. Was it stolen? Is

to moonwalk.

it a trap? Was I gonna be on Punk’d?

This month’s

Hot Hangout Filled to the brim with more LA eye candy than you can shake a stick at, Geisha House on Hollywood Boulevard is a very funky bar and restaurant, with a multi-level bar and dining area, Tokyo-skyline inspired lighting, and Geisha girls aplenty.

A very extensive sushi and sashimi menu is served by the hottest staff in town. A great place to see and be seen, right in the heart of Hollywood.

I looked everywhere for the hidden

Needless to say, I passed that. So

cameras half-expecting the car to fill

I sat in my car, feeling quite surreal,

with foam or something as ridiculous.

staring up at the Hollywood sign in

But all was ok, I did all the necessary

the distance, waiting my turn. Things

checks, and it was kosher. After

didn’t begin well when my instructor,

speaking to some other Angelenos,

a huge meaty lump of a man banged

323 460 6300

they thought that was fairly normal.

on my door to let him in. He was in a

www.geishahousehollywood.com

Geisha House, 6633 Hollywood Blvd. LA

Reservations:

regular has finished, and the build up

t’s all over. Oscar week in LA

getting. Clever, huh?

gifts that the IRS think they’re not

their way round, picking up all the

panache of Oliver Twist at Vegas-

obviously, with all the grace and

session the next day, and so

manicured hands.

versions thrust into her perfectly

of plush pre-parties, lunchtime

me more than the constant onslaught

happy tourists. But what interested

carpets, barricaded roads and snap-

was awash with celebrities, red

shall never know, but once inside,

got me past the velvet rope, we

separation from Kevin Bacon that

fact that I have only one degree of

a friend of a friend of a dog, or the

my press credentials, my friend of

of these Gift Suites. Whether it was

I got the pleasure of attending some

more of a discount day at the local

time, the atmosphere resembled

with the rich and famous, but this

Once again, the venue was riddled

and indeed of those that attended.

glamour of the evening before,

next day shattered the grandiose

much can be said. But my visit the

It was the same location, that

saying he was “desperate for a job”.

to an extremely well-known actor

hadn’t left since the launch, talking

some peroxide-for-hire that clearly

forced me to be ready to leave, past

(with auto bidet and air-dry facility)

of the Remote Control Toilet seat

themselves, and a step by step guide

of the original mobile phones

phone charger that was the size

A further demonstration of a

to the event didn’t disappoint.

facelifts and publicity-pairings, was

it was like being submersed in an

car boot – a kind of oxymoron to

quite disappointed.

freebie or twelve, were naturally

not being of the ilk to pass up a

thousand dollars. Today’s celebrities,

included in these bags to just a few

they limited the value allowed to be

to the attendees. So, apparently,

“gifts”, which are, in effect, a payment

could do with some tax on these

Revenue Service realised that they

live bands and DJs, stunning décor,

performances by Cirque Du Soleil,

celebrity photographers, outdoor

no less than an exhibition by

lounge, courtyard, pool and garden,

which comprised between the

a luxurious Beverly Hills mansion,

by night. I attended the opening at

served as a fantastic party venue

they did drench me in champagne)

remain nameless, as to their credit,

One particular suite (which shall

“My uncle would love this” I

If the artist was in kindergarten.

best be described as “artistic”.

handmade notebooks, which could

I unwilling paused by a maker of

a top claim of being sold on QVC.

ostentatious costume jewellery with

boxer shorts, via fake flowers to

name. I wandered past no-name

to gain endorsement by a major

products, all desperately trying

and a bunch of fairly unknown

out pretty much with paste tables,

rest of us!

all love a bargain as much as the

are not that different after all - they

that the stars we idolise so much

mention the first-hand knowledge

with some stuff I could eBay, not to

watered and at least came away

I musn’t grumble. I was fed and

“portable”, biodegradable mobile

the concept of the Gift Suite.

Aladdin’s cave full of the world’s

style buffet, jumped at the chance.

The story goes like this: as the value

finest produce. Not.

From one week prior, the town

of the Goody Bags given to the

I theLegal Alien Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

celebrities attending the Oscars rose

And so, the Gift Suite was created

and enough cocktails, gourmet

exclaimed, trying to be polite without

the public eye. The house was laid

– a venue is selected in the days

chocolates, hand-rolled Ahi-tuna

committing the compliment fraud of

to up to $100,000, the US Inland

running up to the event, and

sushi and caviar to sustain the

This month’s Hot Hangout

companies of all sorts pitch up,

Essex hoi polloi for a lifetime.

goody bags will now resemble that

Knowing full well that their awards

traditional Californian eye candy.

panoramic views interspersed with

screen, distracted by the incredible

I mingled with stars of the silver

non-famous friend, who had various

attractive, busty but also remarkably

until I was joined by my tall,

“Sorry, no samples left” he replied,

Reservations: 323 654 0105

Winstons, 7746 Santa Monica Blvd. LA

suggesting that it was to my taste.

desperate to thrust their product

of a 10 year olds birthday party, the

I was invited back to the Gift Suite

into the hands of the next big thing.

celebrities and nominees flock to

Brandless and unassuming, Winstons on Santa Monica Blvd has crashed on to the Hollywood style scene with a bang. Within weeks of opening, this simple square bar was packed to the rafters with A-list including Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, Keane and others during Oscar-week.

Tip for getting in? Know someone that works there or just get there early – the really cool kids don’t go out till at least 11.

these suites, where they can make

Legal alien

the

:\[aUYf Zb`V[T` S_\Z N[ 2[TYV`UZN[ V[ 9.

This month, I had some harsh LA street education. My girlfriend and I were mugged at gunpoint. It was Cinco De Mayo, a Mexican festival, and we’d been out to a bar in Hollywood. Despite the lure of tequila, we actually had not been drinking much, but in retrospect, were clearly not being level headed.

The bar we were at was only two blocks from where we live, in a good neighbourhood, so we decided to walk home – it wasn’t worth getting a taxi. If you’d have asked me the

104

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value of a cab 10 minutes later, I think I’d have changed my tune.

Just a few metres from the main street, a typical Homie, dressed in baseball gear, appears out of the shadows, walking in our direction. Within seconds, he’d whipped out the pistol, held it to my girlfriend’s head, then my stomach and relieved us of our bags, phones, wallets, sunglasses, the lot. We were then told to walk in the other direction and not look back, and there are no prizes for guessing what we did.

The weird thing is, it was actually all very

Then there’s the guy that runs high-speed

calm, quick and painless. I never actually

up and down the walk-of-fame in Hollywood.

thought he was going to shoot me. It was also fairly surreal.

Wearing a tutu. Carrying a handbag pretending he just stole it. Really.

Being an actor, staring down the barrel, I

Some are more talented, but still bizarre.

couldn’t help treating it as research. As I’m handing over my (luckily) empty wallet, and a

Outside hotspot Geisha House is a man permanently attached to a PA system on a

broken mobile phone, it occurred to me that we don’t go “whoah whoah WHOAH!” when

trolley, and will happily freestyle a rap about your name. Be careful if you were named

faced with a bullet. We don’t tell “the crazy fool” to “calm the hell down”. We just stand

from a poetry book though – you could be there all night.

there, kind of blank. At least I did. With a slight interior smirk, knowing that there’s not a lot he’s getting away with.

I returned home, and the police came to take a statement. One of the first questions was about what the gun was like, followed by them proceeding to show me each of their various weapons, clearly not realising that the last thing I wanted to see right now was another gun.

My wallet was found soon after by a very sweet girl who emailed me to pick it up. For every bad person here, there’s another nice one, and that’s really the only way to deal with it. My girlfriend had a good attitude – it’s probably going to happen at some point in your life, so at least it’s out of the way.

For me, it was a wake-up call. I had got too comfortable here, walking about late at night, and had a false sense of security. And Hollywood is full of characters; some of them are of the bad variety, whilst others are just plain bonkers…

There’s the octogenarian on a Santa Monica intersection whose cardboard sign explains that she will “jack a groove” in return for a donation towards her orthopaedic care. A little ironic, when you see that her grooving takes place barefoot on concrete.

The homeless hairdresser with a cellphone makes me start to wonder if the gun-toting gangster is actually that crazy after all. But the one to top the lot has to be Dennis Woodruff.

A Hollywood institution, this “actor” cruises up and down the main drag in a beaten up old car, adorned with copies of his headshots, fake Oscars, and a graffiti slogan enticing us to make his movie.

He’s so known in the film industry that although he hasn’t made his big break, he’s been parodied in movies, such as Volcano, where the infamous car was seen in a pool of lava, never to return. Clearly, he doesn’t get it, and continues to traipse the boulevards with gusto. He’s been doing this for years, and has even made his own low budget movies, which he sells door to door, like a desperate double-glazing salesman that actually made the windows with his bare hands. The story goes that he gets visibly upset if you say no, so you get a performance whatever.

He’s also been known to accost people at launderettes, carwashes, coffee shop car parks, and residential driveways. So, the next time you’re in LA and someone jumps you on the street, just check if he only wants you to watch his movie, before handing over your wallets.

This month’s Hot Hangout This month’s Hot Hangout is a virtual one – not a real place but a PodCast. It’s presented by two scatterbrained social butterflies Eileen Lee, and Gayle Day, from the UK, and tells you all about LA from the British perspective. Great fun for either expats living here, or tourists coming to visit, their Pinot-Grigio and Chocolate fuelled ramblings will educate you on local secrets, the best places to go and what those celebrities that left British shores are up to now in Tinseltown.

The DayLee Show Free download on iTunes www.myspace. com/dayleeshow

aircrew UAE

105

regular

Legal alien

the

Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I

’m afraid that I may have to stop

Los Angeles. I’ve now been here 5

to repeat myself. I looked at the

writing to you all soon – I am just

months, and am sorry to say that I

name written on the cup. “Darren”

far too busy being American.

think I might have acclimatised.

it said. Not “Devon”. Not “Derek”.

It came to me the other day whilst

I frantically looked around, and

I recently realised, with a hard and

standing in Starbucks. I placed my

realised that the coffee shop was full

upsetting thud, that I am no longer

order, paid the bill, received my order,

of people, yet not one of them had

new and exciting in the land of

and it was correct. Eh? I didn’t have

asked “Oh my god, where are you

108 | AIRCREW UAE

from?” Not even a smidgen of “I love

a tourist. I don’t say hello to everyone

plans of meeting everyone in the bar

your accent….”

I pass. I do say “have a nice day” and

on my quest to meet everyone in Los

mean it. I know what Lindsay Lohan’s

Angeles. Not any more, which is a

I ran to the restroom – arrgh! – toilet,

really up to. My group of friends are

shame, as I believe I only had 274

and stared at myself in the mirror.

all in the entertainment business. I

left to meet.

Yes, I was technically the same

think of the cost of things in dollars

person, but my skin was sunkissed.

and don’t currency-convert in my

I had more freckles. My hair was

head on every purchase. I tip well. I

blonde. I was wearing sunglasses!

“pop” to Vegas (it’s a 5 hours drive!).

Inside! As I walked back out to the

I’m used to hanging out round

patio on Sunset Boulevard, yoga

someone’s pool. I keep telling my

mat in one hand and Grande Skinny

friends back home the endings

Soy Iced Chai Sugar-free Latte in the

of movies.

other, I came to terms with myself. I had become a Californian. There was

In one sense, it does feel nice to

no going back.

be settled, and to fit in. In another sense, I miss my newness. I feel like

I say “warder” by default when I want

a small excitable puppy that suddenly

a glass of the wet stuff. I take a pee

got big. I actually caught myself

in the restrooms. I go on hikes to

telling people that I’d been here 3

keep fit. I complain about the smog.

weeks, well into my third month. It

I complain about the rising price of

just sounds more interesting, and

gas, even though it’s a quarter of

their response is far more appealing

the price of England. Even the fact

– everybody wants a piece of the

I call it gas in the first place! I know

new guy in town.

Governor Schwarzenegger jokes.

I get annoyed if I go to parties and

The final emancipation of my

there isn’t a free bar. I get excited

Englishness from this new American

when I don’t see a celebrity. I drive to

body came with a crunch at a mate’s

my neighbours house. I don’t always

birthday a few days ago. We decided

have the top down in my convertible.

to give him the bumps which, to

The other day, I was wearing a t-shirt

the bar manager of this trendy but

under a shirt under a sweatshirt when

definitely not rowdy Hollywood bar,

it was 75 degrees!

translated as a mass brawl; the result of which was us all getting kicked

When I go anywhere, I’ve stopped

out. A few weeks back, I’d have been

adopting the goggle-eyed stance of

bothered, as this would scupper my

This month’s Hot Hangout Given the theme of this article, this month’s hot hangout is an old staple – Karaoke Wednesdays at Big Wangs. Your typical American sports bar, the place is packed with a mix of jocks, college kids, Hollywood starlets and the odd big name, with cheap beers and hot wings.

But the place really comes alive when the music starts. Just like watching American Idol live, the punters belt out classics and really give a performance, making full use of the wireless microphones. Expect someone serenading you at your table!

Big Wangs, 1562 N. Cahuenga Blvd, LA Information: 323 469 2449

AIRCREW UAE

| 109

Legal alien

the

Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

There are over 3.8 million people

“See?” I explain. Unconvinced, my pal begins

in Los Angeles. That’s no small

to fill me in on the last few years and what

number. Yet, live here for more than a few months, and you’ll find the same few

he’s doing in LA. It turns out he’d started to enjoy the feminine company of a certain S

folk seem to be regurgitated around the city, like a sesame seed in the teeth following your

Club 7 star that is now living in Hollywood.

I throw away a comment about it being

morning bagel.

strange that I haven’t bumped into her yet.

This was met with various oppositions: it’s

I was sitting at my local coffee shop on Sunset Boulevard recently, heavily captivated

not that weird; we probably don’t hang out in the same areas; we have different friends;

by my blank Microsoft Word page, when a shadow darkened my table, immediately

we probably live different places; she clearly wouldn’t be seen near anyone with ginger hair

chilling my fresh latte. “Darren!” exclaimed the mysterious figure. “Dude! Oh. My. God! This is kerrrazy!”

etc. So, we then head down the street, to a local bookshop, and who do we bump into?

The look on my friends face was priceless.

As Paris would say, this kind of thing is just sooooo LA.

I glanced up from my laptop to witness a generic handsome twentysomething brunette guy, indistinguishable due to the ridiculously large sunglasses covering more than a decent ratio of his face. After staring for a few seconds trying to place this guy, all I could muster was a “sorry, who are you?” He relieved the tension by removing his retinaforcefields to reveal an old acting colleague whom I hadn’t seen in several years. “Hey, how you doing man” was my blasé response, as I offered him a seat to catch up.

It is really strange. Back in London, a place where I have lived for over 25 years, studied, worked in various jobs, and partied lots, I find it really surprising if I bump into someone that I wasn’t intending to see. Yet here in the City of Angels, I really don’t think I’ve been out for one whole day without seeing someone I know out of the blue. Not just people I’ve met here either, but friends and acquaintances from all over the world.

The early conversation leant mostly towards how crazy he thought it was that we could bump into each other in LA, miles away from our homeland. Having been here now long enough to father a child, I assured him that it’s a regular occurrence, hence my nonchalance to his sudden appearance.

I justified with the example of the director whom I went to university with nine years ago: despite working in the same industry and living in the same part of London, I hadn’t bumped into him once back home, yet here, we passed on the street on his first week.

Before I even got to the climax, said directorfriend high-fives me, as he pops by to grab a coffee, unplanned. aircrew UAE

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We’ve all tried to brainstorm various theories.

Are there only a few places that people hang

accompanied by an offer of taking me there to join in. Yet I have never shared the pleasure

out? Perhaps not, since I’ve had encounters as much at the latest hotspot, as I have in a 7

of a sideline satsuma with the Robster.

Eleven in Burbank. Plus, it is a vibrant city full of many restaurants, bars, hotels and the like

For those Hollywood types that really want to show their worth in the “who knows who”

– there is no shortage of places to choose from. Another idea is that LA people just know

stakes, movie website IMDB has come up with the perfect solution, which definitely

more people, and go out more.

combats potential fraudsters. Their “Bacon Number” rating shows how each actor is

It’s a town full of freelancers, networkers,

linked to Kevin Bacon – quite the dinner party

and partyheads, so it makes sense that their phone books fill up more quickly than your average surbubanite.

What’s particularly strange is how the English

conversation piece. I’m currently at 3 degrees of separation, but I’m set to rocket that to number 2 after filming with Forest Whitaker later in the year. If your Bacon number can’t pull the ladies, what’s a boy to do eh?

expats all magnetise towards each other.

At one particular event, I was accosted by no fewer than seven different UK soap stars, each from a different show. These are people that I didn’t meet back home, yet they recognized me from “out and about”.

Whatever the soap machine churns out, you can be sure as hell they wash up this side of the Pacific, where everyone knows everyone, yet no-one knows any of them.

It’s not what you know. It’s not who you know.

It’s what you know about who you know, or more importantly who you know knowing what they know about you, that counts in this place. So go about your business, but be careful who you shout at / insult / compliment / work with / rip off / sleep with. It may just come back to bother you like that sesame seed in the teeth at the breakfast meeting.

There are, of course, also several dubious claims of nepotism that circulate – our Robbie Williams being one common denominator.

I have met so many people that allege to play on his Tuesday night five-a-side team, that he could well have enough players for a full World Cup tournament, each instance

This month’s Hot Hangout A great secluded find, Memphis Restaurant on Hollywood Blvd is housed in the oldest residential property in the area. Set back far enough from prying tourist eyes, this Southern Style dining lounge has a history as a schoolhouse for the children of legends Charlie Chaplin and Douglas Fairbanks. Cosy and intimate, the experience is like dining in a private home, with resident manager Travis making you feel every bit that welcome.

Memphis Restaurant 6541 Hollywood Blvd, LA Reservations: 323 465 8600

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the

Legal alien Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

Being a PartyBoyTM in Los Angeles is a lot like being homeless.

You eat and drink what you’re given, when you’re given it. Meal times go out the window.

You wear whatever combination of clothes you received that week in goody bags – kind of a glamorous version of unworn hand-medowns. You often turn up uninvited, and could quite easily end up sleeping in the doorway after too much sponsored drink. And in my case, with my “designer” stubble, and far-from-neat haircut, people often point and wonder who the scruffy guy in the corner is.

I didn’t plan or intend to become a full-time PartyBoyTM. It just happened, sort of crept up on me slowly, until one-day I realised that my day consisted of waking up (late, from a fuzzy night), discussing the evening before with my PartyBoyTM housemates, switching on

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the laptop, checking the press pictures from the red carpet, before downloading emails, swapping invites, and co-ordinating the crew for that night’s complimentary antics.

My landlord is to blame. As a celebrity stylist in Hollywood, he has styled everyone, and I literally mean everyone. Thus, his name appears high on the guestlist of various fashion shows, parties, screenings, launches, dinners – you name it – with all the organisers clearly hoping he will mutter words of appreciation about their product / bar / restaurant / facelift to the relevant starlets. As part of my rent deal, I was his plus-one at parties when I arrived in LA, and consequently, now I have learned the ropes and am getting invited myself. I shall be looking for a protégé of my very own soon.

I realised how silly it had become when I

picked up my friend from the airport the other

Planning for travel time to maximise the gain is

day. “Nice T-shirt” he exclaimed. “Gift bag”

what I bring to the table. It’s little wonder why

I replied. He then asked about the jeans.

“Launch party”. I took a moment to look down

I am now the friend of a friend that everyone asks to meet for a quick coffee when they are

myself and realised that from sunglasses to socks, I was dressed entirely in goody bags.

new to LA.

The only thing that was missing was footwear.

That evening, we attended a Reebok launch

It’s all starting to take its toll now though.

Whilst you can effectively exist for free here,

party, where we got free sneakers. Put it out there, and the universe will answer.

I have yet to find a party or a product that will pay my rent, and since all my landlord

The party circuit here is addictive though and

does is party too, then I’m sure he needs it. It’s very difficult to say no when you have

very easy to get sucked in. Supermarkets are fairly expensive, even by English standards.

The weather is hot, so who wants to stand in front of a cooker at night. Why not just make your way to a function, fill up on canapés and free drinks, and head home satisfied, maybe with some free produce that is great for birthday gifts (sorry friends and family!)

Add that to the fact that whenever you invite

friends visiting – they want to see all the glitz and glamour of the Hollywood nightlife. And Paris Hilton. However, when I pack the latest visitor off to the airport, I shall be announcing my resignation as PartyBoyTM and will get back to cracking on with work….. Until the next visitor, no doubt. I often wonder who justifies spending all this money to keep us entertained. It seems very strange when you

someone to an event with you, etiquette demands they invite you back, so go to a couple of things a week, and your diary’s full.

look around a room, and spot Z-listers from some early 90’s British docusoap gorging on canapés – you can’t help but wonder if their attendance is actually going to do any good for the exposure or the business of whichever product is being spotlighted. Where does all this expense come from? Who cares? As long as I’m being fed and watered, it beats

Even if someone isn’t throwing a function, there is such a friendly vibe in LA, that you very quickly get to know the bartenders and managers of all your favourite spots. Twenty percent off here, complimentary desserts there, it all adds up. One bartender I know is so generous that whenever I go in, my friends and I pay nothing. It’s now at a level where even if my friends go without me, she recognises them, so they and their friends pay nothing. I’m slightly confused how the bar is still in business since it only fits about forty people anyhow. The real skill comes with trying to co-ordinate several events in an evening. It really is a hi-tech crack mission, all of us around the dining table with the various invites spread out, planning which function starts first; ends last; the time it says the Hors D-oeuvres are served; the time we think they actually will be.

eating KFC on my own in a shopping mall.

This month’s Hot Hangout All the Hollywood partying can wear you out, so on Sunday nights, a great spot to chill is at the W Hotel in Westwood. The hotel’s outdoor BackYard restaurant serves great simple food, summer cocktails and sangria, before you head to a poolside lounger or cabana to check out the latest blockbusters or classics on the outdoor screen.

A beautiful, chilled, and romantic setting, complete with snuggly blankets and waiter service, perfect for a summer Sunday evening.

W Hotel Sunday screenings 930 Hilgard Avenue, LA 90024 Reservations: jenn@redlightpromotions.com

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the

Legal alien Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

LA is just like Paris. Not the French Capital, with the Eiffel Tower, frog’s legs, and stripy sweaters, but the tabloid-fuelled, blonde heiress that we across the world have come to know and love. My reason for this observation is that in the last year of my new life here in LA, I really feel as though the city has a distinct personality, and the intrinsic characteristics of a real human.

And simply put, LA personified is Paris Hilton.

It’s inherently glamorous, but not perfect, and a little rough around the edges. It epitomises celebrity, and attracts inexplicable wealth. It’s one continuous party, interlaced with many, many dramas. Totally in its own bubble, it very rarely responds to the world outside, has no clue what is going on, yet the world looks back on longingly and addictively. It is frequented by many people, nice to visit, but few stay for long. But most importantly of all, not everyone appreciates it.

People here seem to be divided into three camps: they love it; they hate it; or they are indifferent, but feel they have to be here.

I have travelled a lot, but never have I come across a place so unique that people

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flock there for a career regardless of their feelings. For instance, you may need to live in a financial district if you want to be an investment banker, but that could be in London, New York, Tokyo, Hong Kong. You may want to be a ski instructor, but you have the choice of the Alps, Colorado, Canada, and more. But if you want to be in the entertainment business, LA is your place.

If you want to be a pilot, don’t have vertigo.

The people that really enjoy it here embrace it. I am one of those people. I really feel like I should have been born here, it suits my personality. Despite still being a junior Hollywooder, I have the feeling I will be here for years to come. Everything from the social aspect, the careers, the ambition, and the scenery all contribute to my daily pleasure.

My best friend recently came to visit for his birthday, and to say he had the holiday of his life is an understatement. He now loves the place, wants to move here, and has a definite synergy. To be honest, we didn’t really pull out the stops, just lived our normal lives with him tagging along. However, in the space of two weeks, he filled a suitcase with sponsored freebies; was photographed on

the red carpet; ate and drank compliments

reminiscent of a bunch of boy scouts that

of exclusive venues; spent his 21st birthday

just clocked a Girl Guide in her underwear.

in Vegas, with VIP access to top hotels, strip clubs, gay clubs, straight clubs, after-hours

“We’ve got Paris’ num-BER! We’ve got Paris’ num-BER!” Quite.

clubs, spas and pool parties; met celebrities including Victoria Beckham and Daryl Hannah;

We arrived at the party in Malibu, expecting

indulged in hikes, beach life, city life; took a trip in the Goodyear Blimp….and got picked

some Hilton-branded excuse to fill up a nightclub, to promote some obscure product,

up by Paris Hilton.

but were shocked to find we’d actually been invited to a fairly intimate garden BBQ party

When I moved to LA, my friends didn’t care where I was living, how I was getting on, on

at her personal home. She greeted us at the door, and clearly had no idea who me or my

whether I liked it. All they wanted to know was if I had met Paris yet. I am proud to say “mission accomplished” after a mere 11 months. My visiting friend took a whole eight days.

friend was, but still proclaimed he was “hot” and proceeded to pick him up all over again.

Poor Adrian Grenier.

He now has a pub story for life. If he is ever on a game-show, he definitely has a quirky anecdote for the claim to fame. His

Not many guys from suburban London can claim that they’ve been chatted up

by Paris Hilton. Twice. But then not many people would believe him either. The one piece of advice that I got from my seasoned

grandchildren will hear this one. Whilst in a hot and happening new Hollywood club, that has had at least six “official launch nights” to date, we bump into Ms. Hilton and entourage and get introduced to her via a friend. She proceeds to tell my friend he’s “hot” (a word I honestly never realised was in her vocabulary) and says they should go for dinner sometime.

Hollywood landlord when I arrived, is to be very careful what you tell people back home.

She then extends her warm invitation to a party she is throwing that weekend, which we politely accept, along with her number, whilst keeping all necessary grace and decorum as expected of young British socialites. Behind closed doors of my apartment, this soon dissipated into a frenzy of juvenile chanting,

the UK, the less I can talk about incidents here, without meeting looks of contempt or jealousy. So I’ve stopped talking about stuff, and I would never write these things down for a magazine.

“They won’t believe you” he exclaimed. “What happens in your day to day life here, will be so way-out back there that people will either think you are full of yourself, full of crap, or both.” And it’s true. The more I go back to

Oops.

This month’s Hot Hangout The Chateau Marmont garden patio has never really been out of the spotlight, so it can be overlooked when mentioning a cool place to hang out. As the nights get cooler, the patio heaters switch on, to warm up the already sizzling hot A-list crowd that keeps this place in business, especially during awards seasons.

Never an easy place to get in, as they are very protective of their clientele, your best bet is to be very discreet, certainly not starstruck, book dinner and befriend the maitre d’.

Chateau Marmont Restaurant 8221 Sunset Blvd, Hollywood CA 90046 Reservations: +1 323 656 1010

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

An English guy walks into a Liquor store in LA. “Can I have a bottle of beer?” “Can I see your ID” The guy pulls out his driving licence. “No you can’t, you’re only 18.” “Ok, can I have a shotgun?”

“Yes of course, here you go.” The guy points the gun at the store clerk. “Now give me a bottle of beer!”

A lot of things in LA and America are difficult to get your head around. An English friend of mine, has recently moved here and was frustrated to find that despite being a social butterfly in the UK, he pretty much can not go out here, due to being a few months shy of 21, the legal drinking age. Yet he can buy a gun. Being English though, we aren’t exactly known for our understanding of and adaptability to foreign culture.

That’s why you can go to a Spanish holiday resort and feel that Paella is an endangered species, yet full English fry-ups, Newcastle Brown Ale, and re-runs of Del Boy are as rife as porn in an all-boys boarding school.

We think we know everything, and are very unwilling to change our ways on the whole, and I’ve noticed this from the British contingent in the City of Angels.

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A lot of Brits here have second-hand opinions about LA, which they haven’t shaken off, even when proven otherwise. I, for one, was told many specifics by people, before I arrived, that turned out to be complete fallacies. A lot of my sources of wisdom hadn’t even been here! They were just regurgitating statements that they’d heard, probably fuelled by some restrained jealously that they aren’t going.

So, to set the record straight, here are my top ten English LA myths, dispelled: 1 It’s always hot, sunny, and there are no seasons. Whilst us Angelenos do indeed get more than our fair share of rays, mornings here will often begin cloudy, especially during the month aptly named June Gloom.

It doesn’t rain often, but when it does, it’s heavy. The trees shed their leaves in Autumn, and blossom in Spring. In the winter when I arrived, it was so chilly at night that I slept fully clothed, under two duvets, with a fan heater and a radiator on full power…and I still caught a cold.

2 All the girls are good-looking.

Now, it is true that the more aesthetically pleasing subjects may gravitate towards this entertainment capital, but LA still is home to a sufficient number of products of the

ugly stick. The truth is, people tend to take

where you want to be. When does that ever

care of themselves more here, and try to be

happen in London? Here, you can park on

presentable, but for some people, even if it’s broke, they still can’t fix it.

a meter on Rodeo Drive for 50p per hour.

The equivalent in Mayfair currently stands

3 Everyone dresses casual. I was told this by so many people, that I arrived with a

at £8 an hour, and that’s after paying the congestion charge!

suitcase full of t-shirts, jeans and flip-flops, through fear of temptation of overdressing. LA

6 You have to drink drive. The most annoying of statements, and one that really

is a beachside city, so this rings true for some part, but it really depends what you do and

makes my blood boil, especially when it comes from the mouth of someone English,

where you go. Turn up to a posh house party or a red carpet event, and you’ll wish you

as we very much have a zero tolerance culture for it. Back home, I wouldn’t associate

bought your Armani suit, in a sea of people all trying to elevate themselves in the fashion stakes. You only have to watch the Oscars to realise this is the way.

4 Everyone’s fake and full of crap. What I have found is that people may appear fake because they’ll be nice to you for no reason.

They may also not continue to talk to you if they’re uninterested. I just call that honest!

with someone who drink-drives, as they are generally idiots in entirety. However, here it’s difficult – successful, intelligent, friendly people drink drive, which I find insane. But what is worse, is when someone who has been here for ten minutes justifies it with the reasons that “everything’s so far” or “there are no taxis”. Everything’s not far – it’s the same as any big city. If you want to

But with the assumption that everyone’s lying about what they do, it seems to me the opposite – they often are actually doing what they say – it’s just a little extraordinary and unbelievable. There’s a lot of ambition here, and Google is the perfect companion to sniff out the talkers from the go-getters.

5 Traffic is bad, parking’s a nightmare.

go out somewhere different to where you live, you make the choice. Stay over, stay sober, or take a taxi. And taxis are cheaper, have freephone numbers and turn up in fifteen minutes.

7 Everyone’s an actor. There are a lot here, true, but the town still has builders, bakers and candlestickmakers!

There are more cars in LA. Everyone drives.

But traffic’s not that bad. I can drive with ease down Hollywood Blvd any time of day.

Try driving down Oxford St in London at even 4am. The freeways get busy, but at rush hour, they still move at 30 mph – On the M25 you could perform an oil change. As for parking, I’ve learned a new term – “Rockstar Parking”. It describes the moment you can find a parking space exactly outside of

8 Americans don’t get sarcasm. cf. Chandler in Friends. Case closed.

9 It’s hard to date. Americans are incredibly forward. It’s not difficult. Try using an English accent. That scene with Kris Marshall from Love Actually is not fictional. It’s not hard to date, people are just fussy and focused on their careers.

10 The Governor is a Terminator.

Ok, so that one’s true.

This month’s Hot Hangout Coffee culture in LA is very apparent, and monopolised by the big chains, so refreshingly, Café Audrey has opened in the centre of Hollywood to much success. Snub Starbuks and Coffee Bean, and head to this cute and elegant Hepburn tribute, right off Hollywood Boulevard, where many a starlet have dropped in to sample the unique décor, free wireless internet, delicious patisserie and savoury offerings, and a friendly staff that make you feel part of the family. Definitely a spot to make your local.

Café Audrey 6701 Hollywood Blvd, LA 90028 • Info: +1 323 465 5359

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

Hollywood is about to crumble.

The Writers have all been on strike for a good few weeks now, and the town is getting very nervous. In other parts of the world, a petrol strike is a crisis, a postal strike is amazingly disruptive, a manufacturing strike is dismal, a fireman’s strike can be fatal. But here in the entertainment capital, when a bunch of people refuse to put pen to paper, it’s apocalyptic.

Take a drive around LA, and you will see that the big buildings are not occupied by financial companies or retail head offices as in any other utopia. They are home to talent agencies, entertainment lawyers and film producers.

To give you some idea, ICM, agent to Stallone, is based in a sprawling, glittering complex on Constellation Blvd, sheltering no less than 200 key staff servicing 2200 clients. Its UK counterpart is a doorway with a busted buzzer, next to a Sock Shop, with 23 inhabitants. So with statistics like that, it

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is easy to see how this city thrives on, and depends on making TV and film. If production stops because there are no scripts, then it affects everyone, from those directly involved, right down to the restaurants that serve their power lunches, to the dry cleaners that steam clean their undies. The knock on is like a domino rally, and could bring this place to its knees.

The Writers have a fair point. Those that are in the Union are unhappy that their scripts do not attract residual payments from DVD sales or internet sales - a booming industry.

They want a percentage of these profits, as the new media sales soar whilst TV ratings dwindle, and that seems only respectful. So they have refused to continue writing until it is resolved, meaning that many popular shows have come to an end, as they have only a few future scripts in the bag. However, their methods of exposure seem slightly questionable. Considering their job is to write, setting up picket lines with signs saying “No money, no funny” and chanting “What do we want? More money. When do we want it?

Now!” may make employers slightly nervous

My Facebook profile picture features a weekly

about the literary skill they are investing in!

A-lister. I shared chardonnay and anecdotes

My English actor friends were very quick to pseudo-sympathise (read gloat over their

with Larry Flynt, Sean Penn, and a presidential candidate all at once. It’s all here for the

rival’s misfortune). Literally a nano-second after the strike was announced, an email

taking. You can befriend celebrities.

hotfoots it from London, exclaiming:

You can get in the press. You can sleep with Robbie Williams though I am yet to get that

“Oooh, I’d hate to be you right now, with that Writer’s Strike going on! Better off in London,

drunk. It all becomes incessantly real, and you begin making sense of all the Hollywood-isms

it’ll be sooooo quiet in Hollywood.”

that have been part of your popular culture since youth.

My reply was simple. “Dear supportive friend.

This past week I have been in to audition for Spielberg, The Farrelly Brothers, CSI, and 4 worldwide commercials, whilst you recently told me that the only thing you auditioned for in the last 6 months was an informercial for a Pooper Scooper. And you had to travel there in the rain. Yes, sucks to be me.”

I regularly eat in restaurants that I have seen on Entourage. Beverly Hills 90210 is a legitimate postcode where my friends live. I shop on Melrose Place. I know that Topanga from Boy Meets World is named after a canyon, and not the product of illiterate and mean parents. The songs of the Chilli Peppers are far more vivid, and I no longer

You see, in Hollywood, even when it’s quiet, it’s busy compared to elsewhere. Acting in England is like trying to fish in the desert, or instigate a threesome in a nunnery. But this is a place where dreams really do happen, extraordinary things are achieved, disbelief is not suspended and you live the tabloids.

dream of Californication, I embody it. Like Sheryl Crow, I have watched the sun come up over Santa Monica Boulevard on many occasions, yet I am still to find Frankie despite being told he came here in the 80’s.

Rewind to a year ago, I would flick through men’s mags admiring Paris Hilton’s underwear. I now have her mobile number on speed dial. I marvelled at the true story of Mystery, the world’s best pickup artist in the book, The Game. I recently left a party with his date, without even trying.

you watch, read and hear on a daily basis, but at the same time, it is such a magical place, that it’s easy to see why. All of these things are contributing to popular history the world over, and as you travel through each day here, just maybe you are making part of that history too… you never know.

On the one hand, it’s amazing how many references there are about LA in the things

This month’s Hot Hangout The recently opened Custom Hotel brings the sleek modern vibe of a Hollywood party spot literally minutes from LAX, in one of the areas only design-led boutique hotels. Expect a very discerning crowd to begin populating their current hot-ticket – “The Hours” on Friday night, which showcases DJs and food from the Bistrotek restaurant. On a warm weekend day, the Hopscotch Pool with private cabanas, fire pit and full service bar is sure to give seasoned Angelenos a new reason to see and be seen.

Custom Hotel 8639 Lincoln Blvd, LA, CA 90045 • Reservations: +1 310 645 0400

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I have never met so many people without jobs in my life, as in LA. They’re not unemployed. They’re not unemployable. They just don’t work very much. Yet everyone seems to have enough money to hang out and have fun in between their auditioning, writing, fashion design, music, film-making, bartending or whatever else it is they do, or don’t do, as the case may be. And it’s a great vibe. Los Angeles is a very amicable place, where friendships blossom extremely quickly, a little like the camaraderie that resulted from a Saturday morning detention in the classic 80’s film The Breakfast Club.

Just like Judd, Ally, Emilio etc, everyone has their own story which makes them who they are, and are thrown together in this transient pick ‘n’ mix town, through their extreme ambition. But unlike our 80’s counterparts, we actually all choose to get together and do nothing.

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It was on one such night, that a couple of friends and I had a brainwave to turn our hanging out into something organised. It made us feel productive. Sitting in a bar for happy hour on a Thursday at 9pm, we realised we’d been there since 3pm. Not only were most of our ‘home friends’ probably just getting back from a long day’s drudge, but we had spent almost an entire work day (given lunch and toilet breaks) in a bar, chatting crap.

It wasn’t the first time.

The problem was we felt like we deserved it.

We’d all been for an audition that day, done our laundry, sent our emails. But the guilt took over and we made a stance to do something about it.

After noticing a “Breakfast Special” table-sign in said favourite bar, it was concluded that we could continue to feed our addiction for loitering and munching, but early enough that by 10am we would be off on our day, being super-efficient.

The LA Breakfast Club was born. Six months

discounts, locating accommodation, but it’s

on, it is now a “worldwide” institution, with

never contrived. My networking mantra is that

versions started (promisingly) in Vancouver, Canada, and (dismally) in London, UK.

if you have to think about doing it, then you’re not doing it well. In this sense people just

What began as four people meeting for

hook up, and at BC they have done exactly this, both in the business, and the “nudge

breakfast at our favourite cafes grew very quickly as friends of friends jumped on the

nudge, wink wink” sense…

Brekkie bandwagon. It worked as intended, like an appointment you can’t miss or an

Los Angeles is the perfect place for Breakfast Club to operate, as it is just like being at

after-school catch-up class that you’d get chastised for non-attendance. People were

University all over again, but quite frankly, with less to do. Instead of late teens, everyone

afraid of missing the latest gossip, news or just the friendly faces to start their day.

Our morning melting pot of regulars encompasses all ages, nationalities, races, colours, gender, sexual orientations, professions, height, weight and dietary requirements. You name it, there is someone representing at BC, and it is truly, genuinely

is twenty-to-thirty-something, but all other elements are present. The nightly drinking, the mismatched friendships, the trend-setting and the un-embarrassing promiscuity between the group all seems a prerequisite of life in freelance LA. It’s great fun, living that whole time over again, especially with more maturity, discernment and cash, but it’s questionable how productive we are being.

remarkable how everybody gets on. Where else would you find a promising young black guy from Inglewooooood (the kind of area you see in a Dr. Dre video) mixing it up with a public schoolboy, a gay British former popstar, a jetsetting Australian marketing guru, a shopping telly host, millionaire models, internet entrepreneurs, TV stars, waiters,

The 10am finish now simmers over somewhere after 11, and people have been known to simply switch venues for coffee, then more food. Breakfast Club will soon evolve into Lunch Club, which will run through the Happy Hour that inspired it, finishing with Dinner & Drinks Club. Something tells me

bartenders, gossip columnists, celebrity PA’s, stylists, teachers, casting directors, DJ’s and some whose professions are best described as enigmatic.

People are now very eager to join the crew, which often transfers to evening and weekend fun, especially those new from the UK, but I find that some British people don’t get it.

They refer to it as a “networking breakfast” because that’s what they feel they should do when they get here. It’s my pet gripe – at BC, technically networking does take place but it’s effortless and organic. People are doing film projects together, sharing audition tips, promoting each others events, getting group

we should all club together and start a hotel.

However, don’t think that will stop attendance.

Anyone that doesn’t show at the next Breakfast Club will be subject to a Saturday morning detention.

This month’s Hot Hangout No prizes for guessing the Hot Hangout this month. Nowhere is more exclusive and trendy than Breakfast Club. Taking place at 9am every Tuesday at Lulu’s Café, and Thursdays at The French Market Place in Hollywood, newcomers are always welcome, and appetites always satisfied. See you there bright and early.

Lulu’s Cafe 7149 Beverly Blvd, LA CA 90036 French Market Place 7985 Santa Monica Blvd.

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I’ve often heard that it’s impossible to date in LA, both prior to my arrival, and whilst living here.My auto-response is “Really?” especially when you factor in the details.

As a British guy in Hollywood, my accent has currency, and trust me, most of my USA prey can’t differentiate between James McAvoy, Prince William and Inbred Chav. There is

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also the sheer choice of eligibles, as hot young starlets worldwide flock here, to such excess it’s like being on a Beauty degree at an all-girl university. For the gay scene, the West Hollywood epicentre offers a plethora of unattached talent. People are generally attractive: naturally, falsely or through effort.

Twenty-something singles are everywhere (even if they aren’t – twenty, or single!) So, why Angelenos have romance troubles

escaped me, until I discovered that they

an attractive, popular manager of a trendy

simply aren’t compatible with relationships.

Hollywood restaurant: “Why would I date

It’s a transient community, with most

the same girl twice? Every single year, they release a fresh bunch from high school!”

inhabitants arriving to escape the comfort zone, thriving on variety. Never satisfied or

The British accent does open doors. It’s a

content, they have incredible ambition, always looking for promotions in their life,

conversation starter and girls will approach you because of it, but from that point forward

career, and equally relationship. What this gives birth to is very apparent dating types

it’s still tough. Humour falls on deaf ears, misunderstandings are rife, and attempt

and strategies, even if the accused don’t realise it themselves.

sarcasm at your own date-suicide risk.

Management will not accept responsibility.

The Optimistic Upgrader will overlap relationships, always trading in for the newer, shinier, more expensive model; the goal being the elusive trillionaire celebrity. Genuinely happy with their current, they’re afraid to commit in case something better comes along. The Social & Career Climber predicts it will, and thus dates purely for personal

The British mind needs training to US dating etiquette too, which proves problematic if occasionally dipping into a little homegrown company. American girls expect prom-night behaviour of official invitation, organisation, picking up, opening doors, written consent for a kiss; whilst the Brit ladies seem to opt for the informal “hang-out-and-see-what-

success potential. They live their focus, allowing no downtime for dates that are just fun – it has to advance their career or propel them into the next echelon of social status.

happens” approach. This often means that the UK girls get confused at whether they are actually on a date, or with a mate - a hot topic - that can simply be answered by a few factors: definition, intention, setting, frequency and previous encounters.

They wouldn’t dream of Facebook dating, but requests via A Small World are considered.

The Beneficiary dates for the success of the partner. They have no desire to achieve from the coupling, just to enjoy the fruits of their better half’s labour, living the high-life, and understandably fear the pre-nuptial lawyer.

Lower in ranking, though equally unobtainable is the 2nd Jobber. Often an actor by day, they keep themselves free for auditions that they never get. Hence, they work nightly in a bar for sustenance, leaving no time to date.

The Incredibly Focused suffers similar time constraints, but self-inflicted, as they are simply too busy and successful, causing the likelihood of marrying their PA, strictly through familiarity. Lastly, we have the Variety Addicts, which is accurately summarised by my friend,

If you’re attractive, it’s a cosy table for two, more than a weekly occurrence, he’s used the word “date”, and you weren’t friends before, it’s a DATE ladies. But until that’s understood, us LA boys are destined to live a shallow Groundhog-Day eternity of the firstdate restaurant/bar/movie circuit.

At least I still have that accent for ammunition.

This month’s Hot Hangout Impress your date, if you manage to get one, with a trip to STK, the newest status-symbol steakhouse, secluded via a cute walkway, just off restaurantheavy La Cienega Blvd. The latest addition to the LA food scene, this place began with a bang, hosting some top Grammy parties, and is now a firm favourite amongst those in the know, with quirky menu offerings, and a sleek and elegant black and white bar in mid-century décor.

STK 755 N. La Cienega Blvd, LA 90069

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

It all began (as many things do) with a big old Margarita at the Cabo Cantina on Sunset Strip.

Having just picked up another girl from the British-friend conveyor belt at the airport, this local faux-Mexican watering hole, and their 2-for-1 tequila concoctions, was the first stop on the now perfected jet-lag defying activity list.

“So, does everyone in LA have blonde hair and surgical enhancements?” my wideeyed LA-virgin friend asked. I defended my city’s stereotype, proclaiming negative on all counts. I very rarely see people like that, obviously once in a while, but it certainly isn’t an epidemic.

My integrity and protestation was damned immediately, as on entering the bar through the front door, we almost bumped into a girl on the back seat, who fit my friend’s clichéd description to the letter, wearing her best red

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Baywatch lookalike outfit. This was fairly out of the ordinary, but try convincing my friend that, when it’s her first taste of Hollywood.

Predictably the discussion continued from plastic surgery, through modelling, past casting couches, and conveniently ended up with Playboy. My extremely intrigued female friend, whilst affirming her heterosexuality, had a burning desire to hang out at the Playboy Mansion, just for a look, you know.

No chance, I offered. I’ve lived in LA for a year and a half, and have had nothing that resembles an invite from the Hef, without a $15,000 price tag. Yes, it seems that people actually pay that to hang out with girls! One invite I received, made a massive deal that there was an open bar, and a 4 star hotel room included in the price. For the price of a nice car for one evening’s entertainment, I should hope so! However, it appears that sexism doesn’t exist in LA… pretty girls can

go for free if selected after submitting their

with a black-tie dinner at The Dorchester,

headshot, and agreeing to a dress code that

preceded by yawn-inducing speeches form

your mother wouldn’t recommend, outside of Sheffield.

various boys-done-good, through substandard batch-cooked food, rounded up by

I offer this option to my friend but decline to

anecdote-rallies from former minor TV stars. If you are lucky, you’ll get half a bottle of generic

accompany her. There is no way I am paying that price to attend, especially since we are

wine, and a goody bag that resembles a thirdworld Christmas stocking, chock full of flyers,

not short of eye-candy being a Brit in LA. As it was, the hookup Gods were watching that

that you’ll never read, probably reiterating the need to recycle. Here in LA, the sponsored

night, as I awoke to my Blackberry bleeping a fully complimentary invite to the world-

bars are flowing quicker than Kanye West in a rap-off; the dress code is everything

renowned Playboy Mansion that coming weekend. I concealed my smirk of excitement as I relayed the details to my friend. I was comped, but couldn’t bring an unpaid guest.

from suave to questionable; the music is fun and plentiful; the food is edible; and you are visually entertained by body-painted playboy bunnies, and amateur models, eager to exploit their talent in The Grotto.

We sprung into action, downloading her headshots, and writing a very sycophantic email to the hosts, explaining my predicament. “I would love to come and cover the event, however I do have a house guest in town, and unfortunately your event falls on her last night. It would be extremely uncouth of me to leave this stunning girl and her equally stunning figure alone on her final evening, and so it is with regret that I must decline your kind invitation. I attach her headshots for your viewing pleasure…”

We arrived at the Playboy Mansion by chauffered shuttle, and were caringly escorted inside, following a stint on the red carpet. The event was a charity benefit for Project Louisiana – an incentive to help mobilise doctors and medical aid to New Orleans, to further assist the aftermath of Katrina. Only in LA would you find a situation so serious, and a cause so worthy, generating its vital funds amidst a landscape of stareworthy girls and over-excited guys.

In Britain, the words “charity function” (especially when connected with a political or newsworthy cause) are generally synonymous

Keeping in the theme of animalistic behaviour, there is a Zoo in the grounds housing everything from a fine collection of peacocks, cockatoos to monkeys to iguanas and various other beasts. A games room brings an element of play to the event, with old-school video arcades, foozball, and other fun.

Hats off to the organisers though. We all had a great time, they raised their funds, they raised awareness, and my friend got the pictures to make her boy mates envious for a lifetime. LA may be seen as fake and shallow, but I find the opposite – they know what works and aren’t afraid to exploit and flaunt it.

And as I’m sipping a Tequila Sunrise, flanked by gorgeous girls, and great music, am I really in a position to argue?

This month’s Hot Hangout Secluded above the ever popular Farmers Market in The Grove complex, hidden gem Kado serves up the finest Sake, Sushi and highly entertaining Teppanyaki that despite it’s location somehow escapes the tourist trap. The large vibrant restaurant has become a haven for locals in the know, and a far less cliché choice than the surrounding Japanese hotspots springing up.

Kado Sushi Teppan & Lounge Farmers Market at The Grove, LA, 90036 • Reservations: +1 323 933 0055

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I’ve always thought, since I moved here, that LA is not just a place: it’s a mindset, a mentality that only some people get. That’s why some of us enjoy it more than others. It’s also why some British expats don’t work here, and I don’t mean ‘work’ in the “le travail” sense, but in that they just don’t fit snugly into the jigsaw, whilst others cascade in as the triumphant T-shape in Tetris.

With this in mind, LA the idea is transferable with a mentality that shifts with it, and it does exactly that every year, when the whole town’s industry flies south for the start of summer.

South of France that is.

I’ve been to the Cannes Film Festival several times before. It’s something that I view as not only essential for my film career, but also a ridiculous amount of fun. As it conveniently falls on my birthday week too, and is the only holiday I can take without feeling guilty for missing work time, it almost seems rude not

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to. But whilst I have done Cannes before, I have never, ever, done it quite like this.

Step forward The Screw Crew, a motley bunch of randomers, who shall remain nameless, to protect their future endeavours.

The unofficial leader, whom I met at the Sundance Film Festival in Utah, staked me out a couple of times at various parties, as a semi-induction and validation, unbeknownst to myself. The reason for this interest was my presence at a very exclusive film industry dinner, in the seat next to him when we met, which realistically, neither of us should have been at.

Fast forward to the 61st Cannes Film Festival, and I am suddenly and unwittingly the Crew’s newest member. Consisting already of two LA journalists, one Aussie journalist, two British film producers and a guy that fits celebrity bathrooms, their alter-ego existence is solely in pursuit of “La Dolce Vita” – a mission statement which complements my

desired Hollywood lifestyle perfectly. My

began with a dinner at the hottest restaurant

credentials as an Actor, Producer, Journalist,

in Cannes, followed by the model Victoria

Businessperson and Partyboy certainly don’t harm my involvement, as we set to take on

Silvestedt singing me “Happy Birthday”, Marilyn Monroe style at the Hotel Du Cap.

the French Riviera by storm, hitting every elite event and happening we could, purely and

A very late night blended into the next early evening where we took in the Charlie

exclusively to enjoy the high life…especially where we really weren’t supposed to.

Kaufman premiere, after which we were picked up by a private Zeelander yacht, and

Between us all, given our occupations,

hand delivered to the Dolce & Gabbana party, where minutes later, drenched in Vintage Dom

hook-ups and friendships, we were already guaranteed plenty of opportunity. In between

Perignon, I was being birthday spanked by Dita Von Teese, whilst P Diddy and Naomi

and during film business meetings, we took on yacht parties on the most phenomenal boats, doused in complimentary beverages and food, amongst Mischa Barton, Harrison Ford, Harvey Weinstein, Jade Jagger, and even the formerly-ghetto So-Solid Harvey.

We took in red carpet premieres, beachside parties, hotel suite soirees, and massive outdoor events. We actually struggled to

Campbell looked on, with the whole scene immortalised in celluloid by famed French Vogue photographer Bruce Weber. I’m not sure my mother would be proud.

spend any of our own cash. But being in a big group of guys of all shapes and sizes, when confronted with French bouncers and often only one ticket between us all, can cause some concerns, which to my disbelief, the Crew creatively solved. Every.

Single. Time.

– international friends from LA, New York, London and France, sunshine, palm trees, great food and so much champagne that on the last day I actually managed to open a vein and pour my house buddies a perfect glass of Cristal. I returned to London for two days after, where it rained, was quiet, miserable, and customer service was terrible.

The techniques varied from three people on one ticket – the first guy gives the invitee’s name, the second presents the ticket, the third proves he’s the invitee. There was spying of guest lists, or filming the list with a zoom lens from afar. We manipulated great diversions of attention, found back door routes through kitchens, impersonated celebrities, and sweet talked PR girls. It became so addictive that even when we all had legitimate invites we decided not to use them!

The incredible culmination was my 30th birthday. The events over its 48 hour period (which I have précised due to word limits)

Watching the Monaco Grand Prix from the deck of Easyjet’s Stelios’ yacht, proved that Cannes was the perfect place to spend my birthday, surrounded by what I love best

Sitting on the drizzly Heathrow runway on my Virgin Atlantic flight back to my homeland LA, with all the other hedonistic pilgrims, it’s little wonder we immediately began reminiscing, and planning for next year’s two week migration to Crazyville.

This month’s Hot Hangout The reincarnation of Woody Harrelson’s Sunset Strip Oxygen Bar location is Mexican oasis Isla, with a bright airy bar and restaurant looking out panoramically over the famed rock haunts of Sunset Boulevard.

Charismatic owner Igor serves up signature rum, tequila and vodka punch at great prices, with a Spanish-heavy menu, following a star-studded opening party in June.

Isla • 8788 W Sunset Blvd, LA 90069 • Reservations: +1 310 657 8100

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I was the kid that always declined the “Double 99” in my playground ice-cream.

Whether it was my early entrepreneurial skills coming through, masked as frugality; a desire to not be confronted by the “chocolate or die” bully; or perhaps anticipating a fear of future weight gain and root canal, I shall never know.

What I can be sure of is that, like the “other socks” that rear their ugly heads from behind the sofa after you’ve bought new pairs, all of my 99 Flakes that I rejected, have now joined together, to seek revenge in LA.

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When I first began this column over a year ago, I remember writing about the idea of “flakes” in LA, and how I thought it wasn’t apparent. It just didn’t seem to happen to me. An urban dictionary on the web defines “flakey” to be an adjective, meaning “to be unreliable, and/or absent-minded, flighty, fickle. Generally irresponsible.” Fast forward to the present day, and I am encountering more daily flakes than an obese and overfed goldfish.

In the space of one weekend, Person A planned to go to the movies, I bought us

tickets, she flaked. Person B text me asking

except they were even flaking on that. I

to hang out, I immediately text “yes”, she

had to take action, so I began strategising

immediately texts back “sorry busy”. Eh? Person C repeatedly enquired my availability,

my defence. I discovered you can’t win. If you only make plans last minute, you look

made plans, then cancelled each. Person D’s brunch date flakes on her, then she flakes on

desperate and billy-no-mates. If you make plans with people in advance, they either

plans with me, to make plans with her other friend, but invites me too, but then flakes

forget, don’t trust you, or expect you to flake.

The only rule that provides some degree of

on that. Person E asks me for help on her audition, I agree, put time aside, she flakes.

damage limitation, is to always go everywhere with someone from home by default, because

Person F wants to hike in the afternoon, I do too, then she flakes. I end the weekend

whoever you are planning to meet will flake.

calling my Monday night party date to confirm a pick up time, and surprise surprise. Her excuse was fair – she had booked a part in a movie. But she confirmed that three days before, yet didn’t bother to call me.

The 4th of July weekend was the final straw.

Eight friends had agreed to party together, and we booked a hotel. On the day, only four

I experimented by calling no-one for a week.

I only replied to genuine, solid, specific offers to meet up. Any selfish requests for a favour or assistance were scrutinised with memory recall – those that used this as their theme received a simple “sorry busy” text. My phone book became amazingly filtered, and I discovered that the flaky behaviour we experience is probably a result of the

of us show, and three leave soon after to go to a potentially better party, wasting the hotel room. Am I too much of a pushover? Am I the second-best option? Is this just LA? I begin by chastising my UK friends for behaving this way. They blame LA, but they’ve only just moved here, so there’s no excuse. I began theorising why it didn’t seem so flaky when

“friend launderette” – a process of natural selection, as the majority of people that I first became friends with in LA, just simply were not here any more! They had moved back home, or somewhere else, for a variety of reasons, spanning from expired Visas, to relationship break-ups, to either an excellent career promotion or an equally fantastic

I first arrived, and a simple study and flick of the rolodex provided me the answer. The people I identified are generally egotistical and like to look good. When you’re fresh off the proverbial boat, everyone wants to impress you, look hooked up, and hook up the new guy. Meanwhile, even flakes don’t like being flaked on, hence why the newbie is an easy mark. They’ll always say yes to an invite (they have no better options), they’ll never let you down (they have no better options), and they won’t get angry if you do (they don’t want to upset anyone in their new ‘hood, now.)

rejection rate.

Recently though, so many flakes were coming out of the woodwork. Well they would be,

And herein lies the problem. In a town where friend turnover is higher than Paris Hilton’s social blunders, it’s no wonder we don’t know where our next friend is coming from.

This month’s Hot Hangout Highly anticipated and murmured throughout the industry for months, the $24m redesign of a former department store on Hollywood Blvd has sprung into action as The Kress – a 5 floor nightlife beast, incorporating an ultra lounge, club, Pan-Asian restaurant, event space and roof terrace to rival the current crown-holders tenfold. The usual smattering of celebrity socialites during launch week will ensure guest-list requests are plentiful for a while.

The Kress 6608 Hollywood Blvd, LA 90028 • Reservations: louis@thekress.net

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I just bought the car of my dreams: a fast shiny convertible Jaguar XK8.

LAPD Officer 4099 just got the booking of his dreams: a pasty-white Brit, over the speed limit, in a fast shiny convertible Jaguar XK8.

I was on my way (embarrassingly) to watch the semi-final of “So You Think You Can Dance” – the Nigel Lythgoe vehicle taking the US by storm. Definitely not a remotely reasonable excuse for speeding, I decided to keep schtum about my destination to Mr LAPD. In actual fact, I was quietly shocked with myself. Being a ginger kid, I have always been naturally mischievous, but have taken pride in being a proper goody two-shoes

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where the law is concerned, and particularly here in the USA. I distinctly remember reading that my status as a Legal Alien is “a privilege, not a right, and may be revoked at any time without warning or reason”. I also seem to remember it going on to say I may be subjected to bad soap operas, waxy tasteless chocolate, an absence of sarcasm and too much Paris Hilton as my initiation, and that bit was true, so I would hate to test my very strict Visa conditions.

So, as I stood at the roadside of Sunset Boulevard, incidentally equidistant from where George Michael was done for cottaging, and Hugh Grant was done for doing Divine, a number of thoughts ran through my head.

A quick scan of my periphery proved that

neither Ms Brown or a gay-decoy-cruiser

Only in America! I am enrolling in Traffic

were present, so I rest assured I would not

School as speeding is wrong, unsafe and

feature in that Hollywood Walk of Fame. What was left to consider was the usual onslaught

may result in me killing myself or someone else. It’s serious. The list seems the contrary.

of potential court appearance, points on the record, insurance costs rising, but with the

I scan through the various companies available, and they range from straightforward

added threat of losing my licence or even my Visa! I didn’t know if that was possible, but

tuition, to Pizza 4 U Traffic School (where you are awarded correct answers with pizza

whilst it would devastate me right now to lose my privilege of living in LA, it would be equally

slices), Blockbuster Traffic School (DVD rentals to keep you motivated), and Cartoon

critical to try and live in LA without a car. Add that to the fact that I had never had any sort

Traffic School (where you are taught by cheeky animations). My friend tells me a few

of criminal record or legal altercation, and no traffic conviction worse than an expired meter, I was momentarily crushed.

years back, there was actually a “Topless Traffic School” which had nothing to do with the roof. I eventually decide on the Improv Traffic School – an online course where you take the test in between videos by LA Improv’s resident comedians (“When you see a STOP sign, it means STOP, not Slow To Observe Police!”) My prize at the end is my certificate of passing for the court, and two

However, Officer 4099 thankfully resembled Officer Dibble, and was as pleasant and explanatory as a man holstering a gun can be (or needs to be for that matter). “Is that your Jaguar?” “Yes” I replied with a satisfactory conceited smirk, wiped clean immediately I re-realised where I was. He filled out the ticket, assuring me I would not have to attend court, but simply pay the bail amount when it arrives in the post. Oh, and if I wanted to avoid points on my licence, I could complete Traffic School.

free tickets to the Improv’s next Hollywood show. Who ever thought that being illegal would be so much fun!?

Traffic School, as the name suggests, is a voluntary educational programme, which aims to teach you the benefits of safer driving. As you are seen to be willing to rehabilitate your ways of error, you are spared the points on your licence that would otherwise make it impossibly expensive to insure your silly-fast beast of a car.

Hollywood blondes I can check out on the sidewalk. Now they should be ticketed for disruption to traffic. Until then, I will just have to discipline myself to keep my eyes on the curves on the road, as opposed to those at the side of it.

Going through the online system of paying my ticket, the court’s website directed me to a list of accredited Traffic Schools, which I understand I can either take in a classroom environment at set times, or online at my leisure. The list is exhaustive, and very, very ridiculous.

Passing with flying colours, I am now more aware of my beast, petrol is costing less, and with the roof down, going less slowly, I am able to maximise the amount of pretty

This month’s Hot Hangout

Recently delivered like a brand new club baby, secretly behind the famous Kodak Theater, new nightspot and restaurant The Stork opened this month, with a Maxim party for the X Games attended by ‘celebs’ including Kim Kardashian, Verne “Mini-Me” Troyer, and Tila Tequila. Operated by club impresario Loyal Penning, with a menu created by local favourite Cobras & Matadors’ Steven Arroyo, and counting West Coast turntable guru DJ AM as an investor, this venue is probably poised to be the next tightest velvet rope on the block.

The Stork: 1738 N. Orange, LA, CA 90028 • Reservations: +1 323 462 3663

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I often think, cliché as it sounds, that living in Hollywood is like living in a film set. Obviously, many movies are shot here for location convenience, so the landscapes and scenery are extremely

but lets gloss over that too.) Poolside, at the bar, our drinks nearing empty, I offer to go and fetch another two dirty martinis. Walking with a

familiar, but it’s more than that. The things that happen in day to day life can be strangely movie-esque.

wasn’t and I knew it, but he had the slicked back hair, the black suit, very Mafioso. Returning from the bar, cocktail glasses in hand, I walk

Take the recent example of a typical Hollywood date. I met a girl at a concert, we got on well,

towards….an empty seat. I look around for my date, thinking no, she did not just stand me up!?! Did she?! I conclude that it’s Hollywood,

I asked her out – pretty bog standard stuff.

We meet later that week, to watch some al fresco jazz (ok, the Hollywood sign was in

she’s a Hollywood girl, it’s got a good chance of happening I guess, so I may as well slump down, and down the two martinis myself. As I

vision, but we’ll skim that for the minute). We go to have some drinks after at the Roosevelt Hotel across the street (steeped in Hollywood

do this, I glance back towards the bar, and see my date enshrouded by the Mafia.

glamour as the location of the first ever Oscars,

Now I wasn’t about to go and ask, however

skip in my step from a date going well, I pass a guy that looks just like Christopher Walken. It

politely, if I could have my date back. She didn’t look uncomfortable, and was clearly

True, it is not the sort of history you learn in the school room, and the value of it may be

entertained by the ten or so sharp-suited wiseguys. I decided to just take it on the chin, when she spins round, sees my sorry ass

educationally questionable, but it’s nonetheless a little exciting and appealing to be continually surrounded by things that the rest of the world

sat there, and comes running back. “Oh I’m sorry!” she exclaims “but I just ran into all of my Dad’s friends” she continues, before making

looks upon in wonderment.

It gives a very familiar relevance to each day, and means that rather than the ubiquitous

out with me in full view of said Daddy Don’s entourage. I come up for air to meekly ask “Sooooo….are you…Sicilian?” “Yep!” was

“XXXX can’t wait till Friday”, my Facebook updates for the time being will continue to read like a movie script!

probably the reply that I least favoured at that moment. “That makes sense” I said “since all of your Dad’s friends look like they should be in, like, Goodfellas or A Bronx Tale or something, hehehe…” That’s because they were. I was being scoped out by Chazz Palminteri, the writer of A Bronx Tale, and his movie cronies.

It turns out that I was out with the daughter of a De Niro co-star.

I now watch my back for celluloid Mafia, since the date before that was actually young Henry Hill’s girlfriend in Goodfellas, both on and off screen. You can’t get away from the connections it seems. Somewhere in every situation, a little bit of familiar Hollywood territory is weaved in. Critics of LA and the USA argue that it has no history, but it does, just different history. Not ancient, but popular culture history, the sort that is ingrained in your mind through media impressions from a young age.

On my morning hike, I walk along the famous stars on Hollywood’s walk of fame, to the Hills where I see that iconographic Hollywood sign. The house that I live in, was sold to my landlord by Janice Dickinson, who at the time was fooling around with the yard boy, Sylvester Stallone. That house is situated on a street

This month’s Hot Hangout The reincarnation of the exclusively successful Spider Club, has surfaced as Bardot, a 20’s inspired, jazz-heavy entertainment lounge and drinking den. Attracting a low-key crowd from musos and writers, to celebs and fashionistas, the upscale underground feel is complimented by an intriguing bar menu, strong cocktails, and a glammed up, kicked back crowd.

Bardot 1737 N Vine Street, Hollywood, CA 91791 Reservations: +1 323 462 1307

immortalised in a famous David Hockney painting. And I am currently writing this article, on a desk that used to belong to Stevie Nicks from Fleetwood Mac. aircrew UAE

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

I wanted to begin the column this month by thanking Jonny who wrote in last month to say how much he enjoys reading the Legal Alien. Not only because I’m touched, but because he also had a question – is everything I write about true or is it fabricated?

Well Jonny, I can confirm that yes, everything in these pages is 100% genuine, and happened how I described. And yes, LA is pretty extraordinary, and a great place to be. And yes, I am still in love with the place, but having been here nearly two years, I am beginning to miss the tiny island a little, and its Britishness and quirks.

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Just the other day, I was in my Hollywood apartment, getting ready for another champagne and canapĂŠ fuelled soiree. I pulled out my favourite shirt, slapped it on the ironing board, and began to press. After several minutes the creases were still there.

I ironed harder but to no avail. Frustrated, I held the iron up to check the hot plate and noticed that the power light was off. I checked the dial. Nothing. I wiggled the flex.

Nothing. I shook the damn thing. NOTHING! I went to the central fuse box and checked all the fuses. They were intact. I was now running super late and beginning to get super annoyed. Of course, the last thing I thought to check was the plug, which had fallen out of the socket, due to the ridiculously fragile and puny system they have here in the States.

Any of you that have travelled here will know what I mean – many of the sockets still have

Inside, the store looks fairly identical to our homegrown – all the same products, same

a very loose, flimsy two-pin system, which on the slightest move, falls out without warning.

packaging, typefaces and ingredients.

I was wandering through with my basket

You don’t get that with a nice solid chunky 3pin, kitemark-adorned clunk-click British plug.

of PG Tips, McVities chocolate digestives and normal unhealthy sliced white bread,

Not a chance. My British plug would have

daydreaming heavily, reminiscing about my

got me to that party on time. It’s amazing how frustrated a feeble power point can make a

friends back in England. I was wondering whether it was raining (probably I thought).

man. That’s not the only thing either. Another pet hate of mine here happens on the phone.

I was picturing all the lads around a table in the local pub. Weirdly enough, I was

When you read out a mobile number, or a credit card number to an American, they just

actually comforted, slightly melancholic, and practically there in spirit, when I was bought

let you read. They don’t mutter a “yep” or an “uhuh” or repeat the digits back, so you know they’re getting it right. They just sit there in silence, so you have no idea if they have it down correct, and nine times out

straight back down to Holly-Earth with a thud, as a text beeped through to my phone. From Paris Hilton.

of ten, listening to a Brit, they don’t. Weird observation I know, but very niggling. As is the 2am closing time of bars and clubs in LA. They are so pedantic about everyone being

reply to the drunken 3am question I’d sent her the night before, it’s not like we’re new BFF’s or anything. What it did do though is remind me in the aisles of this faux British oasis, that I

gone by that curfew that the lights come on and they start removing your drinks at 1.30!

Gosh, I miss that ten minutes drinking up time.

came to the wonderful town of Hollywood for a reason – not only for its many qualities and fun, but also to escape the things I didn’t like about England.

I miss a proper cup of tea. This Lipton stuff is like drinking slightly fragranced dishwater. I

I spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out on a TV set with my good friend Lauren,

miss chocolate. If you’ve ever had to survive a hangover morning on a bar of Hersheys, believe me, you’d sooner eat last night’s candles. I miss the crisp, cold smell of Autumn leaves. I miss the ornate and historic London architecture.

and the evening at a beautiful sunset dinner at the Paradise Cove restaurant, right on Malibu beach. Sipping my perfectly blended Margarita, and watching the final sliver of a bright orange sun slip beneath the immense Pacific ocean, I had no trouble remembering why I love the City of Angels.

To help me through my withdrawal symptoms, Tesco recently gifted us a dollop of the UK right on Hollywood Boulevard. Amongst the stars on the walk of fame, they opened their first satellite store here, branded as “Fresh and Easy” whose neon sign almost acts as a partially libellous advertisement for the “ladies of the night” that often frequent that path.

Don’t get excited, it was just a short, blunt

This month’s Hot Hangout

Social whirlwind Alison Melnick’s new reincarnation of a West Hollywood watering hole has been attracting the movers and shakers recently, becoming the A-list haunt of choice for this fall at least. Comprising of a basement club, restaurant, buzzing patio and the about-to-open Pussycat Dolls Lounge, anyone who’s anyone is dropping their name to the door host.

Apple Lounge 665 N Robertson Blvd, LA, CA 90069 Reservations: +1 310 358 9191

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Legalalien

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Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

This month, a momentous and historical announcement was made in the United States of America. No boys, unfortunately it wasn’t Paris Hilton declaring a new internet video starring you. And no ladies, Brad Pitt is not going on a worldwide kissathon. It was much more media-friendly and tabloid-tasty than that.

Barack Obama was elected President.

Now whilst there is no denying of the importance, significance, and seriousness of this occasion and its run-up, I found the way that Hollywood and the entertainment world responded particularly interesting. Being a largely democratic metropolis, LA jumped on Barack-bandwagon, almost creating a trend

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out of supporting, and a cult-like following, complete with pop-art Obama images emblazoned on T-shirts, stickers, merchandise, creating as much of a fashion statement as a show of support. There were “official” Obama parties springing up like Russell Brand complaints all over town, many as a cheap and topical disguise to promote a new venue, drink or clothing line. Facebook groups aplenty, the internet was rife with Obamaisms, so much so, that I even got spammed by the future Prez himself.

As the vote neared its culmination, and the polls racked up, the whole competition between Republican McCain and Democrat Obama embraced the nation’s media to pull out their final stops. What did we receive through our

windows on the world? An intelligent Q&A? A thought-provoking debate? An explanation of policy in detail?

Hmmm. A televised charity dinner where the future President and runner-up roasted each other in a scene reminiscent of the car-park diss-off in Eminen’s movie 8 Mile. As they each took to the lectern to reel off pre-written quips, often drier than a dehydrated Jimmy Carr-endorsed Pampers, I couldn’t help thinking that a few throws of “Yo Mamma so fat that….” may have helped their cause a little, at least in the mid-west where people might identify a little easier. If you can’t win them over on gay marriage, you sure could tempt them with burgers.

Joking aside (unlike the electoral campaigns) this dinner did raise over $4m for charity, so it wasn’t all bad. It made light of a fierce battle, humanised the candidates and spoke to the masses. But the fun didn’t stop there.

John McCain was reported by critics to have displayed “reasonable if not proficient comedic timing” on NBC’s comedy favourite Saturday Night Live. Exactly the quality you would want from a man with a shot at running the nation, don’t you think?

Leaving little to be desired in the namecomedy stakes – the king of Oven Chips vs. one-letter-off-a-terrorist - McCain had already thought ahead by declaring Sarah Palin as his Vice. She clearly got confused at the meaning of vice, especially when phoned by Canadian pranksters masquerading as the French PM, as she actually thanked them for their compliments on her performance in documentary Nailin’ Palin – a porn spoof. Her persona throughout the campaign did her no favours, and concerns for John McCain were not so much focused on his beliefs than to whether at seventy-two years old, he’d actually remember what they were. Free Viagra for all, cheap fish n chips, and discounted bus fares

could have been high on the agenda.

Throughout this media circus, as a Brit in LA unable to vote, I was hoping that America would make the right choice. After all, I live in this country now, and my native country will obviously stand shoulder to shoulder in support. But in true Brit style, on election night, I wasn’t even able to see the results as they happened. My commitment as a BAFTA member meant that I had to attend an organised social, in a bar with no screens broadcasting the final count. It’s amazing that wherever us Brits plonk ourselves, we can unashamedly remain oblivious to the world around, selfishly demanding our English fryups and “proper tea” wherever we go.

I learned, through loud cheers from next door, that Obama was in. This could well be something that affects the entire world in a new, hopeful way – representing change and unity. It’s a little distracting though that he is already being coined the first Black President, when he is actually bi-racial, born to a white American mother and a black Kenyan father.

This very fact should be what makes him stand for unity, and representative of a multi-cultural nation. Can this man change the world? I guess we’ll just have to wait and see in the next episode.

This month’s Hot Hangout

Los Angeles and its inhabitants are obsessed with well-being and eco-friendliness, probably as much through trendsetting as through passion, so it’s little wonder that the latest nightlife spot to hit Hollywood has this as a theme. Ecco Ultra Lounge, formerly Tokio Joes, is eco-friendly right from the materials it is built from, low energy lighting to waterless urinals, through to its organic menus. Do your bit for the environment, without giving your liver a break.

Ecco Ultra Lounge 1640 N Cahuenga Blvd, Hollywood, CA 90028 Reservations: +1 323 464 2065

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entire British vocabulary had been replaced by this media-generated buzz word, and London especially turned into a Stepford Wives style drone-farm, cultivating frowns, upside-down smiles and un-necessary rudeness, themed by this new alliterated battle cry. Many people have caught on to this trendy definition continually using it out of context, without even knowing what it really means. It is replacing words historically used for exclamation, like

Now, I’m not oblivious to the world’s economic situation, but come on! I feel as though the

– credit crunch credit crunch credit crunch.

Credit crunch: credit crunch; credit crunch; credit crunch and credit crunch. Credit crunch credit crunch credit crunch credit crunch, credit crunch (credit crunch). Credit crunch.

Monthly musings from an Englishman in LA.

Credit crunch, credit crunch, credit crunch.

Credit crunch, credit crunch. Credit crunch

Arriving at Heathrow, I was actually really excited, but was soon disappointed. I didn’t expect fanfares or crowds lining the street, but a little smattering of enthusiasm for my return, from friends, generously topped with a dollop of Christmas cheer would have been favourable to what I walked back into:

In December, the Brit in LA returned to the homeland. I fly back to the UK regularly every couple of months, but usually only for a few days. This time, I decided on a month long visit to encompass Christmas, New Year and lots of long overdue catching up.

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“erm” and “oh”. It has crept in so slyly and efficiently that I actually saw someone drop his chips and blame it on the credit crunch.

Historically, house prices have always doubled every ten years, whether through recession, depression or boom. Historically, society works and spends its way out of recession.

We’re still all here, many of us having remembered the last time. We can be positive about it, or deflated, and after four cold weeks of substantial miserable faces, I’m in no doubt

that bothered by a recession. As a city of freelancers, we never know where our next job is coming from. We can’t be too concerned about job losses – we don’t have one to lose.

Finances for the footloose are always up and down, so we learn to manage our money, and ourselves; make debt our friend and are definitely not shy of an extra bit of graft or the proverbial elbow grease in times of trouble.

The self-employed have evolved with a resilience, which will aid natural selection, and survival of the fittest. On the whole, the people I have encountered in LA are remaining upbeat – a lesson perhaps to learn. I certainly haven’t seen Paris Hilton shaking in her Ugg boots.

On a rare occasion to a very empty pub (my housemates were often in their PJ’s by 8pm), a friend and I were discussing this bother, trying to each get a word in between the intermittent roar of tumbleweeds. His response was predictably negative, so with all the panache of Jeremy Kyle with verbal diarrhoea, I butted in. “Have you lost your job?” I enquired. “Erm, no…” was the puzzled response. “Do you think you will?” Another “No”. “What rate is your mortgage on?” “A tracker” my doubtfully interrogated friend replied. I promptly told him to get the next round in, having discovered he’s in stable employment, his mortgage payments have gone down due to a cut in base rates, petrol is cheaper, VAT is 2.5% less, and shops are slashing their prices to keep us shopping! Four pints later, I had victoriously convinced at least him to spend his way out of this recession.

which method I’d like to take as I board the plane back to sunny LA. Endorphins abound,

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Exclusive venues in LA revamp and rebrand about as frequently as Will Ferrell pulls a stupid face, and the newest kid on the block, MyHouse is a much needed facelift to the primely-located Garden of Eden. A clever choice of name appealing to the keento-impress party crowd, the soirees happening at MyHouse each night take place amidst the Dodd Mitchell designed décor of a high-end modern house, complete with bedrooms, bathtubs, screening room and Jacuzzi. Perfect place to come if the credit crunch took your home.

MyHouse 7080 Hollywood Blvd, Hollywood, CA Reservations: info@myhousehollywood.com

This month’s Hot Hangout

waking up with that weather already by default puts at least one thing in our favour.

Over in LA, I really haven’t noticed the excessive attention on the subject. America is not immune at all, in fact the economy has been extremely bad there – it is in the news regularly. Technically it is even worse in the LA bubble – despite a nationwide problem, the entertainment industry and those affected by it (i.e. everyone) have also had to deal with a painful Writers Strike earlier in 2008 and an impending Screen Actors Guild strike. But for some reason, they don’t seem to be so affected, or at least they aren’t going to let it get in the way of life. Pessimism is sooooo 2007.

Speaking with my Dad, the eternal glass-halfempty sceptic (his mantra is “you be careful”) I tried in vain to explain my theory behind the alternative attitude. Summed up, I feel that Angelenos simply won’t be and can’t be

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i have never… …had acupuncture.

By Darren D.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2008 was to do something I have never done every month. Over the next year, this page will chart my escapades in all their glory. Or not.

Feel free to email suggestions to: ihavenever@aircrewmagazine.com 5th January 2009 10.42am Mumbling complaints about my bloated stomach, I am defending all of the Christmas eating and drinking, instead convincing myself that I must have an issue.

My friend Lauren of course knows a good place for that, and suggests I get some needles stuck in me to find out what the problem is. I know in my head that it’s beer, turkey and chocolate cake, but hey, at least I have this month’s “I Have Never….”

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11.03am Lauren confirms that it’s “fabulous”, a strange choice of words I feel for the process of puncturing one’s skin, however, I trust her and phone to make the appointment.

11.18am Fifteen minutes later, I finally get the receptionist to understand what I am saying, and to spell my name correctly. I only hope they understand the word “ouch” a little easier.

My appointment is over a week away – apparently Mr Needle is super-busy this time of year. I ponder how many people’s new year’s resolution was “recreational masochism”.

11.02am Lauren’s text comes through with her recommendation – Emperor’s college. A

16th January 2009

college, I enquire??? Should I really be letting students stick pins in me? Hmmmmmm.

1.00pm

I arrive on the dot at Emperor’s Col-

lege, and am greeted by a friendly reception-

ist, and a stack of paperwork requiring multiple signatures, all pertaining to the gist of “I sign

if they are blocked in a certain place, your Chi cannot flow freely, hence causing problems.

my life away, and if you hurt, maim or kill me, it is not your fault” and a sub-note confirming that I have no breast (or other) implants, as

He administers the last needles to my stomach, and they were painful! I start to trust what he says a little more….

they may get punctured. Intriguing.

I am led to my doctor or therapist

1.28pm Chuck turns off the lights, puts on some creepy Chinese music and leaves me to

or torturer or whatever you want to call him.

Chuck is Chinese, I am pleased to discover, and very pleasant. He chats to me about my

relax. A moment later, he rushes back in to my juvenile whimpering – I had tried to scratch an itch, and as a result, moved the needle in my

lifestyle (I try not to lie, but perhaps slightly bend the truth on alcohol units) and then he takes my pulse. He closes his eyes, and is momentarily a little scary, as I feel he is doing some strange magic on me. He then flicks them open, requests to see my tongue, then pronounces that I have a clean bill of health.

According to Chuck, the master acupuncturists can actually tell most of your ailments, simply by feeling the rhythm and pressure of your pulse, and taking a good look at your tongue.

Forever the cynic, I am pleased to hear my positive outcome.

hand, which was now throbbing. I am ordered not to move again, if I get an itch let it go, and am left in darkness once more.

1.15pm

1.20pm I describe my “problem” and when it occurs, and Chuck calls the help of his supervisor. She quickly decides the areas where he should puncture me, and off she goes, like an apparition. I lie down on the bed, and am asked to lift my shirt, and roll my jeans up.

1.43pm Considerable time alone, creepy music, darkness, lying on an operating table, unable to move….I recently saw a horror film called Slaughter, with a scene not dissimilar to the one I was in right now, except the girl in the film didn’t volunteer to end up there. I start to question my journalistic sanity.

2.00pm My static meditation period is over, Chuck breezes in, flicks the lights on, whips out the needles with a magicians flair, and allows me to rise. I do feel really calmed, and as I stand, I get this immense feeling of floating.

I’m not quite sure what happened to my body, or if I liked it, but I could feel a change.

Chuck takes the first needle – it

2.05pm Chuck bids me goodbye with an offer of a weekly session if my problems con-

looks like a small pin in a tube. He presses it against my hand, in the fleshy bit between my

tinue. I smile meekly, and leave the college, pondering more enjoyable ways I could prob-

thumb and finger, and taps the top short and hard. I vaguely feel it go in, and comment that it didn’t hurt. “It won’t” explains Chuck, except in the areas where my Chi or Xi is blocked……

ably spend an afternoon.

1.23pm

1.26pm

Chuck continues to administer the

needles – two in my hands, two in my feet, two in my lower legs and four around my belly button – as he describes the Chi concept. Apparently the body has meridians of energy, and aircrew SIN

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September 4th 2008 7pm Tense and nervous, I await the phone call. I know that it’s coming, possibly. Just not when or where

September 5th 2008 7am The alarm clock beeps a shrill tone. I get up wearily, having not had much sleep. I’d been up late, running over the scenario in my head, all the possible choices I could make, making sure I had every line of instruction memorised. Time is money, and I wanted to

8.49pm The mobile phone rings. The voice on the other end confirms my attendance, and gives me details of meeting time, base camp location, and precisely what to bring and wear. With military precision.

or how.

8.31am I arrive at base camp, and enter the kitchen where my associates are gathered round. They have been working together

7.45am Running through everything for the fiftieth time in my head, I drive to the base camp location. It’s remote, and the roads are clear.

7.26 am After a cold shower to make me alert, I carefully get dressed into the outfit du jour – a simple black suit, black shirt, and black shoes. Important to look professional but not out of place in a bank, I was told. As I stuff the ladies’ stockings into my inside pocket, I am thinking that this accessory might be the giveaway…

make sure I didn’t mess up.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2008 was to do something I have never done every month. Over the next year, this page will chart my escapades in all their glory. Or not. Feel free to email suggestions to: ihavenever@aircrewmagazine.com

By Darren D.

…done a bank robbery.

i have never…

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for some time on this project, and the plans, schedules and blueprints are spread out across the table in a somehow orderly mess.

I grab a coffee and am briefed on the order of the day.

8.40am Richard is in charge – he came up with the idea, put the team together, and knows where he wants it to go. He rallies the troops to hush, and then explains the course of events about to unfold. He is very careful to detail to us the need for care and safety with the weapons he is giving out, and the necessity to keep a watchful eye for police or interfering bystanders.

8.45am Richard checks that everybody is accurately prepared for their role and doublechecks there are no questions. We run through the plan, blocking each movement in detail, so that everyone knows what each other is doing.

9.02am Two minutess behind schedule, through packing up the equipment, we bundle into the minivan. A mix of techies, supports, lookouts, and random extras all talk shop, and nerves and tension seem absent.

plan, with each player hitting their beats as imagined. The cashier puts up some surprising comedic resistance, but I handle it perfectly.

11.14am Having collected everyone’s wallets, and money from the tills (and made away with the cashier’s phone number) I thank my supporters and leave by the front door, pulling off the stocking as I go.

11.15am I turn the corner, walking fast but listening carefully. “CUT!” Richard our director runs out excitedly, compliments my performance, and resets the cast and the crew inside the bank.

11.17am I burst through the front door of the bank, pull the gun from my waistband and raise it high. “Ok everybody, this is a robbery!”

12.32pm Eight takes later, Richard declares this scene a wrap, and the crew gather together to see the schedule for the next scenes in the movie. I go over my script to prepare for the coming heinous deeds that my character is about to commit.

5.05pm Covered in corn syrup mixed with food die, I “cut up” the body in the shower.

September 6th 2008 10.40am I burst through the door of a pizza joint, raise the gun from my waistband, and all the customers scream.

9.35am We pull up outside the planned bank, and Richard goes in to check that everything is secure and ready. I sit tight, waiting for my call to action.

10.42am Time passes and I am getting fidgety and anxious. I run over my movements again and again, but realise that I shouldn’t be so rigid – situations may arise that need quick improvisation.

September 7th 2008 8.30am At a sleazy cheap motel, I cavort with three “strippers” and plan another robbery.

12.30pm I climb into bed, ready to wake up the next day as a regular Joe. Until next time at least!

9pm My “criminality” is over, as we load the footage into the edit suite, and begin the cutting process for new movie Chaz & Andy F**k Off to America.

4.20pm I kidnap a famous actor and bundle him into the back of his BMW.

11.03am I get the all clear that I am ready to do my bit. I close my eyes, breathe deeply, and mentally prepare myself.

11.07am I burst through the front door of the bank, sharp-suited and with a stocking on my head. I pull the gun from my waistband and raise it high. “Ok everybody, this is a robbery.

Throw your wallets on the floor and get your hands in the air.”

11.10am Everything goes according to

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i have never… …had a blind date.

By Darren D.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2008 was to do something every month that I have never done before. Over the next year, this page will chart my escapades in all their glory. Or not. Feel free to email suggestions to ihavenever@aircrewmagazine.com 26th April 2008 9.36am Discussing my good friend Sarina’s impending singledom, she suggested some blind dates with my friends.

I enquired why a formerly-famous, adulated, stunning model, with the best personality in the business would need to? “I don’t need to” she explained. “It’s fun. Haven’t you ever been on a blind date? You’re missing out.”

2.30pm We meet a world-renowned photographer for her work. Flicking through his portfolio of FHM covers, our morning conversation somehow arises. “How about

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one of these girls?” grins Randy Dangerfield.

I explain, salivating through gritted teeth, that since I have now seen their pictures, it wouldn’t be blind. But integrity intact, I now know the man for the job..

1st May 2008 10.42am A phone call from Randy suggests he still hasn’t come up with the goods, however his knowledge of all our mutual hot girl friends keeps my faith.

2nd May 2008 3.16pm “You have one new message.

Beeeeep! Darren, it’s Randy. Perfect gal for ya, I just shot her for the cover of Maxim. Katy.

7th May 2008 10.15am Have faith in the Hollywood Social

Take her number down….”

calendar. I get invited to a very nice charity evening, at a great spot, with Grammy-

3.17pm I dial, then hang up quickly. They just spoke. Best not to let my efficiency be

winning performers, where I know everyone and thus will get treated like Henry Hill in

confused with over-excitability.

Goodfellas.

5ish pm I make the blasé call whilst doing some other stuff, bit of background noise,

8pm On route to pick Katy up, I assess

y’know. We begin to have a nice chat, then one of us loses reception. I follow up with a

like cars and money. Boys like looks and personality. One is guaranteed so I’m halfway

text, and day suggestion.

there. I just need to be careful that I don’t commit a recent first date faux pas, where I unknowingly played the album of my date’s popstar ex-boyfriend, even going so far

3rd May 2008 10.30pm Still no reply from Katy.

4th May 2008 11.22am Still no call back. Remembering that American girls apparently like to be chased, I figure a second call would do no harm. Plus time is running out – I leave town in a few days and have a magazine deadline. Oooh the pressure.

11.23am Call. Voicemail. Leave message.

Katy pops up on the other line. We have a nice chat, I’m not sure what’s been said, what I’m supposed to say, what I can or can’t ask?

I don’t know the rules! When is she free?

“How about Wednesday?” Thank feck, I think, since that was the only available night I had.

5th May 2008 9pm With date now looming, discussion with friends commences. Where should I take her? Ideas fly in, from typical restaurants, to picnics, to theme parks, to gun ranges and video arcades. I realise why some of my friends don’t have many successful dates.

I mention she seems fun and flirty and get promptly chastised for knowing. Apparently you are supposed to have NO contact prior, with all details set up by mutual friend.

Confusing.

my nerves. None. Girls don’t like boys, girls

as to brand it “inoffensive” after her vague protestation.

9pm Dinner is lovely. I ask a lot. I find out a lot. She seems content with my mystery.

She is a Maxim cover model, whose famous $300m ex-boyf just did the dirty on her with Pamela Anderson. I have a tough act to follow.

10.23pm Conversation dries up briefly, I momentarily wish I was elsewhere. I think of the elsewhere’s people could be: on a sofa watching crap telly; scanning items through a supermarket checkout; steam cleaning Dale Winton’s underpants. I glance back at my gorgeous blonde model date, her smile, and the beautiful restaurant surrounding and realise I can handle a quick pregnant pause.

12.45pm The date ends well, with a text suggesting “it was great! I’m impressed, let’s def go out again!” Phew, although I may need to work on my celeb status and bank statement before doing so. I check the two messages beneath, that I missed on the way back. Two booty-texts, one predictable, one surprising. Nice girls are like buses… you wait for ages, then three turn up all at once! aircrew UK

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i have never… …been mac

By Darren D.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2008 was to do something I have never done every month. Over the next year, this page will chart my escapades in all their glory. Or not.

Feel free to email suggestions to: ihavenever@aircrewmagazine.com October 2nd 2008 9.15 am Late, as usual, I am collecting stuff together, ready for a meeting that is not far off beginning II print off the necessary documents, shut down my PC, and go to brush my teeth.

9.18 am Car keys and bag, I go to head out of the door, then stop abruptly. Damn. I need the address. Where is it? In the calendar, of my once lightning-speed but now insanely slow laptop. Knowing what’s coming next, I switch it on, and then go to make a cuppa. I actually contemplate baking a pie too, if only I had the ingredients.

9.28 am Some whirring and squeaking later, the login screen finally appears. I enter my username and password, hit Return, and go back to building a pyramid, or whatever

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else I had distracted myself with.

9.35 am Painfully, Windows and the desktop loaded, followed by slowly opening applications and programmes, with the last one of course being the one I needed – Outlook.

9.44 am Now fifteen minutes late for the meeting, but at least armed with the address, I rush through the house. My housemates enquire to my frustration and I explain the predicament. “Oh you should just get a Mac” they sing in unison. “My Mac just opens as soon as you switch it on, and everything’s so intuitive…”

9.53 am Stuck in traffic, and unable to read what I needed to on my BlackBerry, as I either forget / can’t be bothered / am unable

to sync it with my PC, I start thinking about crossing to the dark side. All of my creative friends, with their shiny MacBooks and their shiny iPhones all seem so happy, so content, so appreciative. I am unsure what I am afraid of exactly. I’ve used Macs occasionally in the past and I’ve always seen them as great for turning your photos into comic-book strips, or editing your wedding video, but serious businesspeople use PC’s. Don’t they?

10.08 am I arrive at the meeting with three people, and as I excuse my lateness, I realise I am also staring at as many Macs as humans. Hmmmm. The onslaught of propaganda begins again. I start to crack, and make the decision to go Mac. Today.

Once you go Mac, you never go back they say….

11.15 am Post-meeting, which turned into more of a Steve Jobs sales pitch than what was planned, I head towards my local Apple Store, armed with credit card, and a strange sense of guilt, like I am about to cheat on a girlfriend or dump a wife. I’ve seen all the adverts, I know all the compliments. Mac’s don’t break, Mac’s don’t get viruses, Mac’s just work, Mac’s can fly etc…. I know it’s not true, every time my friend calls me in to help when the little technicolour circle won’t stop spinning.

11.35 am Inside the Apple Store, I stride in, confident that I am a salesperson’s dream – ready to convert, ready to buy, upgrade and be sold the whole kaboosh: no point going Mac unless I go iPhone as well, and MobileMe up to the rafters I thought.

11.45 am Ten minutes later, this “salesman’s dream” realises Mr Mac don’t care – the store is full and everybody’s buying! Did they just pass a government law making it a legal requirement? I meekly wait my turn, witnessing all the cooing and wowing coming from customers fascinated because a window turns into a paper aeroplane before flies off.

11.48 am My sales guy Nelson is delighted he’s got a fresh one. He starts to impart his personal pride of the system, describing all of its “nice, graphical capabilities”. I quite annoyingly explain that I really don’t care if a programme pulsates three times before I close it, or deleted files get “sucked” into the trash all pretty. I just want to make sure I can do all the work I need to on it. Nelson gives me a nice condescending oh dear-he’ll-learn look and processes my transaction. 1 MacBook Pro, extra software, carry case and iPhone. I’m ready to go.

October 28th 2008 1.46 am Macs just work apparently. Well then I must be jinxed. Problems with printers, email account settings going down, programmes getting lost. And don’t even start me on the iPhone. This month I have spent more time in the Mac Store than I have in bed. I’m shocked at how Mac owners are so defensive too, and all use the same “it’s so intuitive” catchphrase like an army of digital Scientologists.

October 29th 2008 11.20 am Having coffee with a MacFriend, she asks how I’m getting along, like you would ask a new parent. “Oh fine” I say “but I really don’t like the way it…” She jumps into MacDefence, as though I’ve just delivered the harshest Mum-cuss in the playground.

Apparently Macs do everything, I’ll see in time.

12.05 pm Alone now, I catch myself admiring it’s aluminium beauty. Am I cracking?

12.06 pm A hot blonde looks over and strikes up random conversation and flirty eye contact, and it’s all about Mac. Inside, I bounced up and down, made some silly sounds, and smoothly pulsated three times Yes. I’ve cracked.

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regular

I have never… …done a skydive.

By Darren D.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2008 was to do something every month that I have never done before. Over the next year, this page will chart my escapades in all their glory. Or not. Feel free to email suggestions to ihavenever@aircrewmagazine.com 8th March 2008 11.14am I’ve always felt excluded from party conversations when discussion turns to skydiving. I never did the generic year-abroad-in-a-box in Australia, and so seemed to miss out on the jump. I rope in a

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couple of friends (most declined) and decide we will head out to the desert the next day.

8.22pm I update my Facebook status saying that I am skydiving, and get lots of immediate “are you mad?” messages. I consider this myself. I remember a very unlucky friend of a

friend whose tandem instructor had a heart

10.15am Up in the plane, as we rise, I look

attack on the way down, the chute opened

around at my assorted bonkers-buddies.

late, and he survived with broken bones, but only using his instructor as a cushion.

The variety of expressions play out like a Will Ferrell movie storyboard. Clearly everyone is

Perhaps I am.

in their own head.

I reassure myself with the memory that I may have once read a statistic that there is

10.32am Two people jump before me.

It’s quick and painless. For me. I don’t

possibly more chance of getting fatally KO’d by a frozen chicken in a supermarket, than

wanna think of them hurtling towards the earth, but I do. I try to divert my thoughts to

skydiving. I rest assured.

something nice, but all I can come up with is “McNuggets Away!” and the not so pleasant

Midnight I can’t sleep. I am volleyballing between nerves and excitement, a little like the kid caught still awake on Christmas Eve.

thought of the 9/11 jumpers…

9th March 2008 7.00am My alarm startles me, but no bad dreams mean that I am raring to go. I actually am super-excited and can’t wait. Or am I just masking my nerves?

9.12am We arrive at the skydive centre fuelled / calmed courtesy of Starbucks.

The first thing you do is sign your life away.

Literally. The management are not responsible for anything that happens: broken bones, death, disfigurement, not even if you catch herpes from your own blasé promiscuity.

9.30am We are led into another room to watch an instructional video about the jump.

It looks like it was made in the 80’s. I am hoping the parachutes weren’t .

9.47am Out on the airfield, we are acquainted with our packs and introduced to a practice plane – just a shell on the ground.

We use this repeatedly to rehearse our jump and landing, but it all seems a bit playschool for something so serious.

It kind of hits me that I am about to throw myself out of a plane. Bonkers.

10.38am My turn. My instructor clunk-clicks me to him. I barely speak, as what I would want to ask is “are you SURE you packed this correctly” but refrain. Best not to offend a man who has your life strapped to his groin.

We edge towards the plane door. I am happy we are going out backwards and him first. As much as I think I will love it on the way down, the actual idea of tipping myself out of the plane doesn’t make sense, and I’m not sure I’d be able to do it if I…..

10.39am ….WAAAAAANTEDDD TOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! There’s an immediate fear rush, which quickly turns into weightless exhilaration. I am having a good time, I was saved from physically jumping myself, and my wimpiness remains intact for future use. The excitement is overwhelming.

10.41am The parachute flicks open, and jolts me into the air. From then on, it is incredibly peaceful, serene, and the scenery is breathtaking.

10.45am We have landed, comfortably, and it is all over too quickly. Final thought fluctuated between “glad I did it” and “must check my underpants”. aircrew UK

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regular

i have never…

…been vegetarian.

By Darren D.

My New Year’s Resolution for 2008 was to do something I have never done every month. Over the next year, this page will chart my escapades in all their glory. Or not. Feel free to email suggestions to ihavenever@aircrewmagazine.com

May 31st 2008 • 11.56pm I really should have eaten a nice big steak as my Death Row meal, before my month-long attempt at vegetarianism, however my lack of organisation (and whisky haze) meant that my last carnivorous evening culminated in some greasy takeaway fried chicken.

understand why the veggie options very rarely include vegetables?!

June 1st 2008 • 9.16am My first meal as a vegetarian: a Breakfast Burrito. Eggs, cheese, and green peppers.

And a coffee. Not bad.

7.46pm Discussing my challenge with friend James, he pulls me up for eating eggs. He has a point – an egg is an unborn chicken, cf. animal. Hmmmm. We Google vegetarianism and find if I eat eggs, I am actually being an ovo-lactovegetarian (or lacto-ovovege-tarian).

I am going to take a couple of days of eggeating to decide if this is cheating or not, in which time, I decide to survey vegetarians, and go for the median opinion.

4 pm I have a late lunch meeting. The happy hour menu is presented to me, and it has a grand total of two veggie items.

My choice is humus and pita bread, or tomato and mozzarella pizza. Not the most

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inventive choices, so the humus wins. I can’t

Think of all the different things you can have on a pizza or in pasta, but it’s almost guaranteed the choice will be as simple as tomato, rocket and basil.

9.25pm

7.46pm At a charity event, I just catch myself

At the supermarket, I spend far too much

in time, as a piece of buffet smoked salmon

time coasting the aisles simply trying to find something easy to cook without meat, then

was heading in the hole. Damn.

when I do, checking thoroughly just to make sure. Hard work.

June 13th 2008 • 9.40pm Away for the weekend, at a well known

June 2nd 2008 • 8.45am

international hotel, I am shocked to find that there is not a single vegetarian item on the

Over breakfast, I quiz my 20-year-Veggie landlord about the egg-eating. His mantra is

menu of their three restaurants open, aside from Bowl of Fries.

“I don’t eat anything with eyes, except potatoes, or anything that would try to get

To their credit, they create me something, but

away from me if I tried to eat it.” Under these conditions, eggs are ok. I ask 9 more Veggies, and the unanimous decision is they all eat eggs. Phew.

June 3rd 2008 • 7.17am My third day as a herbivore begins with a massively bloated stomach, and enough wind that I’m sure the TV weathergirl issued

come on! This is getting tough and boring.

June 14th 2008 • 1.38pm Poolside at hotel, I catch a glimpse of my belly – still bloated. All the bread and cheese, I guess. Not impressed with what’s happening to me. I am fatter, lethargic, and lacking energy.

9.00pm Friend’s birthday dinner at a local restaurant affords me the choices of tomato and mozzarella pizza, spaghetti pomodoro

June 16th 2008 • 7.26pm Discussing my troubles with my selectively veggie friend Lauren, as she creates me a good home-cooked veggie meal, we decide that vegetarianism is not just dietary, it’s a lifestyle. One where you have to constantly think about it, changing your habits, and things you do, places you go. It doesn’t really

(plain tomato) or Caesar salad, without the dressing. Surprise surprise.

suit me. I am feeling tired and drained, my skin is dry, and my stomach still bloated.

June 6th 2008 • 8.15pm At my second group dinner at a sushi restaurant this week, I stare longingly at the lobster, and Kobe beef, and gorgeous sashimi…whilst I tuck in to green beans and mushrooms. Splitting the bill at $80 each, I decide I need more cocktails.

June 17th 2008 • 10.02pm Vodka-filled, and feeling lame, I somehow end up at my favourite local spot The Boulevard Lounge. As I survey the menu that I know and love, grilled veggies and mash just wasn’t doing it…. Shamefully, like Adam to the apple, temptation got the better of me, in the form of the beautiful, juicy, tasty Boulevard Burgers….

gale force warnings, just because of me.

7.31am The wind-passing marathon ceases.

I hope.

June 9th 2008 • 1.32pm My afternoon “ablutions” have now completely changed in size, shape, colour, consistency and frequency. I am not sure this is a good thing.

June 18th 2008 • 10.11am Blasted by my veggie housemates for my weakness, but feeling like a duck back in water, failure never tasted so sweet! aircrew UK

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travel

24 hours in

LA

Darren D is our tour guide in the City of Angels.

Los Angeles really is a local’s paradise, but to the tourist, it can seem daunting, spread out, and unattractive. Where this city really comes alive, is in the secret of knowing it well. All is not what it seems in the City of Angels – the best it has to offer is not always obvious at first glance. Treat it like a local, and the pleasure will be all yours.

LA has great variety, but despite the number of tourists it attracts, it is not a holiday resort, but a living, working, breathing town. In many ways, it is more ideal as a place to live than to visit. The beaches, whilst great to have on your doorstep, are not the best in the world.

Go to Barbados or Hawaii. The shops, whilst sufficient for daily life, do not equal standards of New York or London. The restaurants and cafes are plentiful and diverse, but do not rival Paris. But the overall variety makes this place. You can surf and ski in the same day, you have the best of nature and a city all in one, and the majority of people are friendly and accommodating. In 24 hours, do what Angelenos do, for the full effect.

Being a very image and health-conscious place, begin your day with a morning hike.

Set off early before the sun gets too hot, and make your way to Runyon Canyon, just off Hollywood Blvd. This 130 acre park offers trails of different levels, and within less than 20 minutes, you will be at the peak looking out on amazing panoramic views over LA, including Hollywood, Downtown, the Hollywood sign, the ocean, and airport.

Also worth viewing are the various model and media types that frequent these trails to walk their dogs, with a celebrity or two often scattered between them.

Having worked up an appetite, it’ll be time to take in a power-brunch. Even if you have no multi-million dollar deals to close, it’s aircrew UAE

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for top quality art, in a venue that is as visually stunning in its architecture and views, as in its collections.

Happy Hour in LA is a widespread tradition, and you really can’t get a better deal than Boulevard Lounge on Santa Monica Blvd & Crescent Heights. A true locals hangout, the head chef has worked with the very best in the world, to offer gourmet food in a fun, extremely friendly and chilled setting – try out the Boulevard Burgers, which are definitely the best in town, and expect to come out three drinks later knowing all of the staff, owners, and feeling part of the family.

Other great happy hour offerings include The

For more LA tips see www.LA.com

always fun to earwig on someone else’s, and the chat is plentiful at Hugo’s in West Hollywood, Caffe Primo or Le Clafoutis on the Sunset Strip (great for people watching) or for pure A-list, Spago in Beverly Hills. Failing that, a takeaway coffee at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset Boulevard opposite the Directors Guild will afford you enough celebrity sightings to fill up a tabloid.

For some relaxation and recreation, it’s a must to head to the various beaches – Santa Monica for a traditional time; Venice for a quirky experience, just like London’s Camden, but on the sea; or Malibu for some high-class, unhurried and scenic chill time. A drive along the Pacific Coast Highway, in a convertible, with the music up and the roof down is a great American experience, that will take in all three. If you are still feeling cultured, then a trip to the Getty Center will quench your thirst

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Belmont, Spanish Kitchen, and Chaya.

If you really must get your tourist fix, then Hollywood Boulevard is where you can check out the stars on the Walk of Fame, the Kodak Theater where the Oscars are held, and the Mann’s Chinese Theater with all the handprints outside, but this can be decidedly disappointing. Perhaps more fun, and a good insight to the industry, is to sit in the studio audience of a live TV show. Jimmy Kimmel Live is filmed nightly Tuesday to Friday, and tickets are free.

If shopping is your thing, there are several choices, including The Grove & Farmers Market or The Beverly Center for your high street fix; Robertson Blvd for chic, trendy and paparazzi-saturated couture; or play Julia Roberts on Rodeo Drive, with more class and teacup Chihuahuas than you can shake a stick at.

It will then be absolutely necessary to show off your new outfit, and there’s nowhere more suitable than at a perfectly stunning dinner at Crustacean in Beverly Hills. This family owned restaurant was hailed as the nation’s best restaurant by Esquire magazine when it opened more than ten years ago,

and still lives up to that name and quality.

Featuring a glass-floor aquarium beneath you throughout the venue and French Colonial décor, exquisite Vietnamese cuisine served is up by owner Helene An, complemented by their amazing choice of Martinis. The Roasted Halibut and Short Ribs are both worth a special mention, as is the genuine hospitality of the An family and their staff. If you want to go all out and impress your date, try a tasting menu, offering a small sample of the best from the kitchen, and take your time to savour.

Other notable restaurants include The Little Door - extremely romantic with a great wine list; Ketchup - classic American food with a gourmet twist, and a place to see and be seen amongst the Hollywood set; Katana – great for sushi lovers; and Moonshadows – a seafood restaurant with unrivalled sunset views over the Malibu coast.

Rounding up the evening is something that Angelenos do best, by partying hard, especially in the week. They shun the weekends, labelling it Amateur Night, after all the out-of-towners that flock in to populate the clubs. Your best bet will be to hit some of the classic spots mid-week, and mingle with the movers and shakers – places such as the poolside Tropicana at The Roosevelt Hotel, hot clubs The Villa & Les Deux, or divebar legend The Dime. For a real Hollywood experience though, find yourself someone with a copy of The Hollywood News Calendar and blag the list at one of many events willing to drench you in free champagne and canapés – there’s multiple every night.

House parties are also renowned due to the incredible properties and views here, and are the only places you can continue the night past the 2am licensing. And you’ll still end up in a cheap diner or burger joint after that… probably sat next to your favourite celebrity!

Darren D keeps up with the fast pace in this one-of-a-kind city.

24 hours in Vegas If you find yourself arriving in Vegas, hope it’s night-time. Whether flying or driving in, as soon as this neon metropolis explodes out of the desert, you’ll be quite aware why it’s a great destination for the 24 hours series…. this city doesn’t stop.

If you’re on a layover in Vegas, lucky you, but you’ll be exhausted. You’ll be sure to have a ram-packed 24 hours full of Vegas characteristics – sun, sin, hedonism, partying, gambling and fun on every level.

And all the rest is true – it’s tacky, cheesy, glamorous, extravagant, cheap, expensive, expansive and anything else you want it to be. In short, take it for what it is, and you’ll have a great time.

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No doubt you’ll be staying in a hotel on the famous Strip, so head straight out to one of the many theme bars to ease yourself in gently, if there is such a thing. Margaritaville in the Flamingo hotel, the burlesque Forty Deuce at Mandalay Bay, or Coyote Ugly at New York, New York are good places to begin your Vegas education.

Fortunately, most people have a good idea of Vegas before arriving – if you don’t, simply hire one of the many films that have been set in the city, and you’ll soon be up to speed.

The action centres around what is known as The Strip – a seven mile long Boulevard of massive themed hotels, from the Planet Hollywood hotel, to the pyramid-shaped

travel

Egyptian Luxor, to the Treasure Island which has a live Pirate swashbuckle outside every few hours. Room rates can be very cheap midweek, but if you’re really saving the pennies, then stay in a motel one block east of the centre strip. You’ll still be close enough to the action, but will save a packet. If your pockets are of the deeper variety, then the Bellagio (featured in Oceans Eleven) is the place to be.

The morning hangover (if you even got to bed in the first place) can be helped along by a Bloody Mary at the Peppermill restaurant – one of the best places in Vegas for breakfast.

Skip the hotel offering and head to this great find North of the strip just past the Wynn. The portions are huge, and great value, and the place alone is a visual delight. Definitely try the fresh fruit plate, which puts traditional fruit salads to shame! aircrew UAE

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travel If you happen to get accosted by a guy on the Strip trying to sell you club tickets, firstly be flattered. It means you’re good looking and stylish. Secondly, listen up. It may seem like a scam, but for a ten dollar “tip”, these guys will usually sort you out with free tickets or frontof-line passes for the hottest nightlife. These tickets do work, and are a godsend when you see some of the lines. As always though, still be vigilant.

No Vegas trip is complete without gorging on an all-you-can-eat buffet. Caesar’s is one of the best, so head there for lunch – you know you’ll eat more than you can fit, and you don’t want that tired feeling messing with your party schedule…

Straight after breakfast is a great time for an hour’s lounge by the pool, as the midday sun can be a recipe for red-faced disaster.

The best pools are the Tropicana which has a delightfully old-school eighties feel; the Treasure Island (fun but residents only); and the Caesars, large and opulent with many areas. Before you head there though, be sure to stop at one of the Tix4tonight ticket booths to book in a show – Vegas productions are the most lavish in the world, and you can often get half-price tickets on the day.

Current hot topics are one of Cirque Du S’oleil’s offerings (Love, La Reve, Mystere, Zumanity) or Prince, who does very intimate occasional shows at the Rio hotel.

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Gambling clearly plays a large part in Vegas culture, and most hotels offer gaming lessons, for you to scrub up your tactics.

Of course, they won’t tell you how to win, but you’ve got a much better chance if you know the rules. Speak to any hotel concierge and they’ll let you know how you can get involved. One thing to remember when you hit the tables: Roulette in Vegas has one extra number than most other casinos – a double 0 – which seems trivial, but actually puts the odds far more in favour of the house.

If you’d rather shop than gamble, you’ll be more than content with the designer stores and boutiques in either the Forum Shops at Caesars, the Fashion Show Mall, or the Outlet centres offering discounted brands.

If adrenaline’s more your thing, then get your buzz at the Stratosphere.

The tallest building in Vegas has three different rides at the top of its tower – don’t go with vertigo! Calm yourself after with a peaceful gondola ride through fake Venice in the Venetian – complete with a fake sunset every 15 minutes.

travel

Your evening’s entertainment should begin with drinks with a view. Two very different options are Mix at the Mandalay Bay, with top floor balcony to watch the sunset over the entire Strip; or Bare at the Mirage, a “European-style” topless pool lounge with DJ, where you may prefer to watch a “strip” over the sunset!

It’s a great idea to take in some slot machines early evening. Not only are they good fun, they pay out fairly frequently, and the drinks are free. Hostesses will come round and take orders, as long as you are sat playing at a machine. A good tip ensures they visit you more frequently, and a good tip for winning on the slots is to use cheaper machines,

but play a maximum bet – your chances are sometimes increased up to 20 times by betting the top dollar.

Fuelled with cocktails and hopefully some extra weight in your pocket, it’s time to head to the club scene, renowned worldwide for extravagance and excess. Using the VIP tickets you got earlier, get down to current hotspots Tryst at the Wynn (featuring a huge waterfall), Moon at Palms (featuring a retractable roof) or Pure at Caesars (featuring every A-list celeb in town that day).

Party hard enough to need a quick spa session the next day, which in all fairness is definitely not a chore!

For more Vegas tips, see www.Vegas.com aircrew UAE

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feature

Airline Ambassadors

By Darren D.

Have you ever been feeling introspective and wished your job was more rewarding? Have you ever wanted to do more for charity, but haven’t had the time, due to a busy work schedule? Ever wondered how you could use your skills and experience to benefit others less fortunate? These are all things that went through the mind of a member of cabin crew, Nancy Rivard, who had decided it was time for a change.

For more details and to take part, visit HYPERLINK www.airlineamb.org

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From her position within American Airlines, Nancy, who was on a career management track, decided to return to her role as flight attendant, to work out what was really important in her life, and what to do about it.

Her solution was to form Airline Ambassadors – a unique and remarkable non-profit concept, specifically for those working in

airline travel, as it enables you to branch out and use your position and skills to make a difference in parts of the world that greatly need assistance.

The concept of Airline Ambassadors is a simple but powerful one: People that work in the Airline industry use their perks and privileges selflessly to do good throughout countries in need. Using their buddy passes and flight allowances, and collecting up unused items from their hotel stays, like toiletries and food and drink, Nancy and a small group of friends would deliver this produce and assistance to various locations in the developing world, knowing that every little bit of help is in the right direction.

As airline crew, you completely see the opportunity within your arena, and the value of the products that often go unused or wasted,

feature and how much difference that can make to a

manner that will make your trip all the more

community without those luxuries.

fulfilling. It seems a perfect marriage of using

Today, Airline Ambassadors has over 6000

your perks as aircrew and the leverage from connections in the airline industry, to offer

members participating in their humanitarian missions, but it wasn’t always that easy.

help that is appreciated, without sacrificing your own travel and leisure goals.

Nancy could not get anyone to join her

Since 1996, Airline Ambassadors has built

for her first mission, a trip to Kyoto for the launch of Mikhail Gorbachev’s new non-profit

a huge network of support, and has major partners in business, hotels and airlines, to

organisation, so she led by example and went alone. Her next mission encouraged

ensure the missions run as smoothly and effectively as possible. Membership is not

two fellow flight attendants to join her, and it continued to build and build, to what it is today. The organisation’s motto is “Travel to make a difference” and when you speak to members that have been involved, it seems this ethos is key to the success.

Airline staff naturally like to travel, and the emphasis on the missions is to still benefit

limited to only aircrew; it incorporates doctors, teachers, students, retirees – in short, anyone that can lend a hand or a skill to enhance the programme. The organisation is now also affiliated with the United Nations, and is recognised by a number of other government bodies throughout the world, and its founder regularly honoured with various awards, including the 2000 Ambassador of Peace

from that element of voyage, discovery and personal enjoyment, whilst aiding others in a

Award and the 2004 President’s Award for Lifetime Achievement.

feature Airline Ambassadors has delivered over $41 million of aid to children in 51 countries, to

The Airline Ambassadors are always looking for new volunteers, and funding is crucial

orphanages, clinics and local communities, impacting the lives of over 500,000 children.

at present. Flight attendants can join the organisation for as little as $25 per year, and begin to participate in the trips immediately.

Their members have started schools, clinics, housing projects and vocational training programmes, which in turn have helped

Their website is extremely informative, and covers everything from the background of

people restart their lives more positively. The missions run up to 12 times per month, so

the non-profit, to online joining, and the trip/ events calendar, for you to get a taste of how

there is plenty of chance to get involved.

you could participate.

If you see how just by travelling as you normally do, and acknowledging the value of the things that you often take for granted, the difference that can be made on a mass

Just look around your hotel room at the soap you won’t use, the shampoo that will be discarded, the magazines unread, the coffee and biscuits unopened, and how

scale, it really makes you want to join the team. Hearing the stories of anyone that has joined this group of like-minded angels is particularly infectious though, when you realise how much they have been touched by the experience, so it is understandable why they contribute again and again.

useful that may be to someone without, and you get a small idea of how your most trivial actions on a large, organised level can really make a difference to those less fortunate, whilst giving you memorable life experiences and a conscience you can be proud of.

Reviewed by Amy Smith

Hop on the net, surf these sites and keep entertained and informed while downroute.

ddd a_baU\_ĂŠPaV\[ P\Z

You know all those emails that circulate amongst friends, then spread wider to the rest of the world? The ones about inspirational stories, amazing happenings, PC viruses, medical disasters? We know for the most part they’re probably not true, but there’s always that flicker of doubt.

Well check out TruthorFiction.com next time you get a circular email – chances are they’ve already heard about it, researched it extensively and confirmed whether it’s true or not. So before you forward that email about the flesh eating computer virus, come here first to avoid looking stupid!

ddd `afYRĂŠ[QR_ P\Z

I just love this website! I have no fashion sense to speak of, and have clothes in my wardrobe dating back to when I was 15 (I really do!). And I’m hopeless in the shops – which is exactly why I need stylefinder.com. It aims to supply everything online that you can buy in the shops from fashions to fragrances, is updated hourly with high street & designer must-haves, top stylists share their trend tips and there are seasonal trend reviews from the catwalk and high street. If I study hard enough, there may be some hope for me yet!

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regular ddd P_VZR`a\]]R_` bX \_T

This is the official website of Crimestoppers, an independent UK-wide charity working to stop crime. It’s a really easy-to-navigate site, and is ideal for those wanting to become more aware of crime in their area and how to help prevent it. There is a news and events section, details on how to give information & become a volunteer. Perhaps the most interesting page is the ‘Most Wanted’ list – it shows photos of people currently wanted by the police, and their crimes. Slightly voyeuristic, but excellent to raise awareness of what might be happening in your community.

ddd [PPP \[YV[R \_T

Although this site for the National Cervical Cancer Coalition is US based, and aimed at a US audience, it’s still highly relevant to women of all nationalities.

The website is basically trying to highlight the disease, and raise its profile to make women more aware of the dangers and how they can help protect themselves. If you ignore the cheesy real-life stories and pictures, you’ll find loads of information and statistics all aiming to give you the broadest picture possible on this devastating disease. It really is worth being in-the-know.

ddd `abPXS\_`aNSS P\Z

If your jetset lifestyle is leaving a strain on your pocket, and you are after some ad-hoc work that’s fun and reasonably paid, then this website tells you all you need to know to make use of your downtime, doing promotional work for high-profile brands and events. Really easy to navigate, it caters not only for those who are experienced, but newbies looking to break into the market, offering full information and resources to help you maximize your earnings, using the skills you are best known for.

Simple, helpful and definitely worth a look.

ddd cV_TV[TNYNPaVP P\Z

I can’t get over how stylish, how cool, this website is! It’s the space age website for the Virgin Galactic flights into space, and it’s great. The video narrated by Sir Richard Branson is full of awe-inspiring footage of space and the Virgin Galactic aircraft. The blog isn’t up and running yet, but I can only imagine what treasures it will hold once the flights commence, The photo section gives you a quick taster of what you might experience and it makes me want to book your flight immediately. I just need to drum up a spare $200,000 from somewhere‌

aircrew UK

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fashion

I

t turns out you can’t actually get away with wearing your “Little Black Dress” year after year as people do remember and they

will comment no matter how much you jazz it up with a new belt or different jewellery. And you can’t nip to your nearest Top Shop and buy that cute little number you saw in the window as you soon realise your best mate got there first.

So what’s the alternative?!

Ideally a girl needs at least two fab frocks; one that’s suitably nonoffensive to your grandmother, so you can wear it to the Christmas family do and another that screams “I’ve got a fab frock and I’m not afraid to wear it!” You won’t need to stand under the mistletoe to have men puckering up around you - wearing that one.

“ Ideally a girl

festive

fashion

fantasies Yes ladies, it’s that time of year again.

The party season is upon us and we’re all asking ourselves in despair; what’s a girl to wear?!

needs at least two fab frocks ” So if you’re looking for something to wear for your parents annual Christmas party where you may possibly indulge in a glass of sherry or two followed by a couple of mince pies, go to Monsoon, it has a wonderful array of dresses and little cardigans that have subtle sparkle and a twinkle, perfect for getting into the Christmas Spirit (opposite).

Mohair and diamantes are a speciality and with a great selection of dresses that are feminine and festive you’re sure to find something that will please all.

Or you could try Jesiré. A slightly more unconventional collection of beautiful dresses made from luxurious fabrics. Not so likely to run into someone who could be mistaken for your twin, but, you may have to cut down on all those presents you were going to buy for your fella as these quirky but classic pieces don’t come cheap!

However, if it’s attention seeking chic you’re after, then look no further than Corsellis. Only two seasons in, this stylish and relatively undiscovered label has already attracted the eyes of celebrities and was recently seen on Britain’s Next Top Model with finalists Abigail Clancy, Jasmia and Lianna wearing the collection.

So for the ‘Champagne only’ drinkers, the Christmas Collection does not disappoint. It’s all about Hollywood Glamour and looking fabulous. Bold prints, tantalizing trims and dresses adorned with jewels are all things that Corsellis use to make you look and feel ultra sexy and if you want to be absolutely sure that no one will be cramping your style, opt for the bespoke service just to be sure the only person to “enjoy the attention” is you.

Monsoon (Flagship Store) Kensington High Street, London

Jesire Covent Garden, London Corsellis www.corsellis.com Here is AIRCREW’s pick of 3 looks for the festive season from Corsellis.

“I’ve got a fab frock and

”

I’m not afraid to wear it!

One shoulder dresses are huge this season, on a full skirted dress, you won’t go unnoticed in this knee length frock.

“Have you been a

�

good girl for Santa...?

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leisure

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aircrew UK

The ultimate travel companion

by Darren D

For any of you lucky enough to

Talking Translator – a more expensive

have experienced the iPhone, it really does seem it will become as essential a travel item as a passport

version of the above, which actually speaks the phrase to you so that you pronounce it

or toothbrush. Aside from the very useful applications that come pre-installed, such as the iPod, weather reports, world clocks and Google maps, there are a host of other apps that enhance the travel experience:

correctly in local tongue.

SitOrSquat – a toilet locator, that lets you know your nearest spot if you are caught short.

Taxi – this app offers a list of local taxi Urbanspoon – available in selected cities, this app resembles a fruit machine. Shake the iPhone and the reels spin, randomly selecting a local area, cuisine and price range, offering you a new restaurant to try, with user reviews.

OpenTable – the popular table reservation site is improved on the iPhone as it uses your current location to give you the nearest restaurants with open reservations, saving you a trip to somewhere that’s full.

companies based on your current location, with one-touch dialing to each, a great safety feature for travel.

Lonely Planet – iPhone friendly versions of the popular travel guide, available for various cities.

WikiMe – this app draws local tourist attraction information and articles of interest from Wikipedia based on your current location.

PageOnce – for those always on the move, this app collates your important information such as bank accounts, phone bills and frequent flier rewards all on one screen, and offers notifications of updates or unusual activity.

Preflight – essential information before you board, including delays, weather reports and other useful data.

Converters – all the conversions you need in one: currency, units, clothing charts, and a tip calculator.

Hotel Evolution – this app, designed by Runtriz.com gets added to your screen when you check in to partnering hotels, allowing you to see information, order room service, book appointments and access concierge services direct from your device during your stay.

Applications are available for the iPhone and iPod Touch from the App Store on the screen.

OneWorld Translator – quick easy way of typing any word or phrase, and getting an instant translation in the language of your choice. aircrew UK

33

feature

Moonflighting Darren D looks at ways to keep busy if you are inbetween flying jobs in the UK.

74 | AIRCREW UK

I

f you’ve ever thought you’d

that fit the Aircrew profile extremely

like another job on the side,

well. The great news is that this work

either for financial reasons, or

is generally for sporadic, short-term

just to keep your interests up,

contracts (often just one day or night)

you may have been put off by a lack

so all you need to do is join some

of ideas, or not really being able to

agencies, then let them know when

identify a skill.

you’re free. A great place to start is the website www.StuckForStaff.com

But with more and more people

which lists over 500 agencies, and

becoming self-employed, making

also runs Open Days throughout the

extra cash needn’t be a headache

UK for you to meet the companies

or too much commitment. Below,

that you’ll be working for. Fairly well-

we profile a number of different jobs

paid (approx £10ph and up), it’s

you can do without investing much

great fun, and a good way to meet

time or money, and that are flexible

new people,

enough to drop into, as and when you land.

Modelling

Promotion work

If you’ve got a good look, and your friends think you’re fit (not just the

Walking through the airport every day,

drunk guy in row 14) then there’s

you must be aware of the fragrance

nothing to lose by giving it a go.

samplers, credit card salespeople

Forget your preconceptions that a

and such. Promotion work covers

model needs to be a 7 foot stick

a variety of roles, from working

insect with no imperfections. All types

at sports events and concerts, to

of models are required for photo

exhibition hosting, to giving out

shoots, editorials, advertising and the

complimentary shots of a new vodka

like. It’s more to do with whether your

brand in nightclubs. Just think about

look is what the photographer is after.

the last time you were given a free

Have a flick through some magazines

chocolate bar at the train station and

at normal non-fashion adverts or

you get the idea.

articles, and you’ll see plenty of people like you and me.

There are a number of agencies that employ people to do this work – you

It’s best to have an agent, as the

have to be presentable, good with

good work will find you this way,

the public, and outgoing – all things

however, they are likely to get bored

AIRCREW UK

| 75

if you are away a lot. Also be sure that if you go on a casting, you are actually free for the shoot dates. It’s a small industry and word gets round.

To get your own work, you could try setting up a profile on www.net-model.com – on this website you can also find a lot of TFP jobs. This stands for Time For Prints which basically means photographers test out ideas with you. You don’t get paid, but you get prints of the work, so it’s a good way to start building a portfolio.

Escorting If you’re pretty, then you could make money by going out to dinner, to lavish parties, business lunches and corporate events. It doesn’t necessarily have to be seedy – there are a lot of non-sexual agencies out there that cater for the business clients that just need accompaniment without the commitment. Guys and girls can do this, and probably not only in your home country, but the places you fly to. Check out www.platinumselect.com or www.cavendishknights.co.uk.

Club promoting If you like to party, then why not do it for a living? A lot of nightclubs that

claim to be “members only” are actually screaming out for people to come in, they just can’t appear to be publicly. So they employ promoters to provide a guest list so that it looks exclusive. They then get a cut of the door fee for everyone that they bring in, and if they’re lucky, a cut of the bar spend too. All that’s required is to have a lot of friends, an email address and a persuasion towards nightlife.

A good way to start is to subpromote for another promoter – you provide them a small guest list and you get paid for anyone that turns up. Google the words “nightclub guest lists” in your chosen city and you’ll find the people and companies you need to speak to. Soon, you’ll be the one that everyone wants to know to get them past the velvet rope.

TV extra Have you ever watched Ricky Gervais’ show, Extras? It’s exactly like that! A load of people sitting around drinking coffee, talking about absolutely nothing. But, getting paid for the privilege.

It really requires little experience and skill – you simply hang out on set in whatever costume you’re given, until the point when you’re called to

stand in as crowd in a big war scene, nightclub scene, sports fans scene…

You’ll get pretty well-paid, so it’s worth it if you can put up with hearing people repeat tales of “the time they were on Bond”. Once again, you can also just leave your availability with the agency, and work only when you want to. See www.hiddenextra.com for advice and agencies.

Writing Were you good in your school English class? You could try writing.

It’s all about finding something you know about, and putting it down on paper. Someone somewhere will be interested to read it. Submit a few articles for free to magazines, websites or newspapers and set the ball rolling. If you’re a budding novelist, you could also publish your own work on www.lulu.com and sell copies of your book in a few days. Just don’t try and steal my job, ok?

Whatever you choose to do, just remember to research it properly first and don’t ever pay a huge sum of money up front – you’re supposed to be earning it, not spending it!

Good luck in your new part-time careers.

feature

Skincare in the Air

By Darren D.

It’s one thing being a jetsetter, but

or anything else that the body detects

being Aircrew takes this concept to

as abnormal. It is all about keeping that

the extreme. Whilst it is impossible to ignore the many perks of travelling all over

equilibrium within yourself, and with a work environment that continually pushes the

the world, you also want to make sure that you don’t ignore the effects of frequent-flying

boundaries of normal conditions, your skin may be in need of some TLC or perhaps

on your health and well-being. Constant travel and cabin conditions, mixed with changing

treatments, especially if you neglect it in other ways too. The good news is that with

time-zones, fluctuating schedules, and the odd cheeky layover cocktail can wreak havoc

the constant renewal process of your skin, nothing is particularly irreversible and can

with your skin particularly, so what can you do to make sure you are looking after your skin

often be taken care of simply and effectively.

in the best possible way? We caught up with leading aesthetician Seti Mayet at the launch of her new skincare clinic in LA, to see what we can all do to minimize the damage that our much-loved job has on our looks.

“The most common conditions I treat after travel is dehydrated skin, dermatitis, and congestion” details Seti. “Dermatitis (inflammation of the skin), is a result of skin coming into contact with materials or products that cause irritation and sensitivity.

Think about sleeping on pillows and sheets laundered with cheap soap powder instead of the biodegradable, chemical-free detergent

Seti’s first tip is to acknowledge a skincare routine in the checklist before you depart.

“Whether long or short haul, most of my clients now include a facial in their travel plans. They’ve learned the hard way how difficult air travel, and being away from the home environment can be on the skin. Even if you’ve only taken one flight in your life, chances are you’ve suffered the effects of “Airplane Air,” the germ-heavy, arid brew of re-circulated air in the cabin of the plane.”

you normally use at home, or using Aunt Betty’s moisturizing cream that smells so lovely, compliments of added fragrance that is a known skin irritant.” These abnormalities are bound to cause issues that need to be neutralized, and can often be uncomfortable if you don’t.

With a busy schedule of regular flights, and meeting the various passengers with their various ailments as they board, you can only be too aware of what is floating around whilst you fly. “Itchy eyes, clogged sinuses and dehydration are all symptoms, and no wonder: there’s less than 25% humidity on a plane, compared to the 35% in most houses. Add climate, diet, and regiment changes, and it’s no wonder that even the most healthy, resilient skin is adversely affected and requires balance and relief.”

It is also very important to analyse your type of skin too, and treat or prepare accordingly for its characteristics and exposure. Seti gives many deep pore cleansing treatments, because skin types will react differently in environments and climates that they are unaccustomed to.

You may often notice the changes to your skin after you fly, much the same as after a hard week of partying, or indeed stress,

For example, oily skin in dry Southern California reacts very differently in hot and humid East Coast weather. Different diets, different climates, different stress factors all equate to different skin.

Seti’s final word of warning is to resist the temptation of the total spa package when aircrew UK

73

See www. mayetskincare.com for info. Aircrew get a 20% discount on services by Seti Mayet, when booking appointments at her Santa Monica studio, near LAX.

away. She says “Do yourself a favour and get a great massage whilst on vacation, but save your facial for when you return home. Trust me, that’s when you’ll need it!”

3 Exfoliate at least 3-4 days a week to avoid

So, knowing what the frequent flying does

dry skin build up and allow nutrition rich products such as moisturizers and serums to

to us, and how we can resolve it after the effects, what can we also be doing on a

penetrate skin.

regular basis for damage limitation?

4 Refresh tired eyes by applying undereye gel formulated specifically to address

Follow Seti’s top tips below for beautiful inflight skin…

puffiness and dark circles. Look for

1 Hydrate from the inside out by drinking lots of water. Avoid caffeinated beverages, alcohol and foods high in sodium that cause dehydration.

2 Instantly quench dry skin by misting with a hydrating, non-alcohol toner that contains ingredients such as chamomile, aloe or rose.

Zia Natural Skincare makes a handy travel

74

aircrew UK

size of Sea Tonic Aloe Toner that’s fantastic and is very affordable.

ingredients such as vitamin E and K, green tea, and caffeine (increases circulation). You can also get vitamin K through your diet by eating lots of green, leafy vegetables.

5 Take your vitamins and supplements to boost immunity and keep your body system strong. There are supplements formulated specifically for skin and nails. Consult a vitamin specialist or health food store for the best brand.

advertorial

Use your high-flying skills to earn money on the ground!

W

ould you like

launches a product, for instance

if you are free at the time, you

to earn some

a new drinks brand at a celebrity

can work.

extra cash?

party, or a new chocolate bar at an exhibition, they employ

StuckForStaff.com is the leading

Being Aircrew, you often have days

“brand ambassadors” to staff

website for the Promotions industry,

off between flights and there’s an

their campaign.

and puts you in touch with over 450

exciting way to earn money during

of the agencies that employ you. You

your down-time, making use of

As Aircrew you already have the

can also put your diary dates online,

your skills from the air.

skills and personalities to be perfect

to get work only when YOU want it.

Promotional Models – well-groomed, Promotion work is fun, flexible

hospitable, outgoing, with great

Check out www.StuckForStaff.com

and well paid and many of your

customer service. The good news

to get started now, and come and

colleagues are already involved,

for you is that you can fit this work

meet us at our next Open Day in

working at major events, concerts

around your schedule! Campaigns

Bristol on June 13th – see

and road-shows. When a company

are booked on an ad-hoc basis –

www.SFSOpenDay.com for details.

122 | AIRCREW UK

leisure

Dinner Date

at the

Movies Darren D opts for the classic date ‘dinner and a movie’ and reviews both an economy and a first class combo.

T

he idea of a date at the movies has never overly appealed. Having been a Mystery Shopper

since my late teens, impressive restaurants have always been high on the agenda, and low on the credit card balance. When you get used to a company paying for your meal at an exclusive joint, just for internal quality control, then a simple rendezvous at the cinema reeks of the unimaginative hoi polloi. If you were ever unfortunate enough to date me in my geeky adolescence, at least you were guaranteed something a bit more special than a Saturday matinee, sat on popcorn-encrusted velour at the local dilapidated Odeon.

But with the nights drawing in and, lets face it, summer’s over, good food and quality cinema can actually be the perfect first date. After a nice meal, if the conversation has dried up worse than Thames Water in a “heatwave”, then movie-etiquette gives you the perfect excuse to ignore them. On the other hand, if it’s all going swimmingly, then some back row action during the latest subtitled mainstream porn is definitely on the cards.

I took the liberty of testing two different offers out there for your viewing pleasure….

AIRCREW UK

| 71

Economy

First Class

The Deal:

The Deal:

The Details:

The Details:

What we chose:

What we chose:

The back street location did worry me and even more so when we passed several kebab shops with signage claiming to be “restaurants”. What we found however, was a secluded, trendy, intimate place, with a rich, moody Spanish décor and a picturesque exterior.

We sat outside, since at 6pm, it was far from busy / atmospheric, but this place actually evoked a feeling of being abroad, with its quaint mosaic furniture and fairy lights.

The menu, beware, is not the a la carte version that you see on their website. It is a specially created set menu of extremely limited choice: only three starters, three mains and two desserts. The options included halloumi cheese, and mozzarella starters (deja-vu from the Economy visit!), and seafood risotto for main – a bland, undercooked heap of saffron gunk graced with two scallops and some random chunks of tuna and salmon; not a mussel, prawn, or squid ring in sight.

Desserts were equally boring – more cheese, or a bizarre Chocolate Chilli cake which, like a Willy Wonka prototype, tasted great at first, followed by a completely ruining aftertaste.

2 course meal at local restaurant and Vue cinema ticket from £10pp Booking through the internet only, simply choose which Vue Cinema you’d like to go to. Then choose from a number of nearby restaurants, ranging in cuisine to suit all tastes. Prices are from £10 - £15 per head depending on restaurant. Print off 2 copies of the voucher (don’t forget this!) and enjoy your meal at 6pm and the film any time after that (subject to space in the cinema).

My date wanted to see Penelope Cruz in “Volver” which was only showing at the Shepherds Bush branch of Vue. Not the best location, however the associated restaurants on the deal stretched from Kensington to Notting Hill and covered Lebanese, Tandoori, Gastropub amongst others – a varied choice.

Keeping it themed, I opted for Tapas at Priory House, Kensington Olympia.

My non-carnivorous date and I tried the grilled halloumi with pine nuts, spicy prawns with guacamole, roasted Mediterranean vegetables, and tomato and mozzarella salad. The food was excellent in general, portion sizes fair and a wine list that definitely rivalled the local charcoal grill. Service times were prompt, although the staff could have been more chirpy – probably due to pre-paid vouchers not attracting a service charge.

At the cinema, the staff did not know much about the voucher scheme, so make sure you print off everything you need and arrive a little earlier.

3 course meal at a Firmdale 5* hotel restaurant and film in the private cinema for £35pp Firmdale Hotels own the boutique collection of topclass London haunts, frequented by the capital’s elite and many a visiting celebrity. Choose from Film Clubs at either the Charlotte Street, Soho, or Covent Garden hotels and eat in the restaurant before moving down to the private cinema, each one with beautiful luxury décor and romantic settings. Available on weekends only, with new and classic films.

My date, being far too popular to meet on a party night, opted for a chilled Sunday evening at the Charlotte Street hotel, where we found the restaurant strikingly empty. The eclectic décor, with jazzy murals and upholstery in muted sunset tones was homely and inspiring. Shame about the food.

The service was very attentive and I was assured that the set menu options change daily.

Drinks and service are not included in the £35 per head charge, bringing the average bill for two, to at least £100 for even a modest bottle of vino.

As for “Volver”, a pleasant heart-warming end to the evening, with Penelope in top form.

Downstairs in the small private cinema, the leather seats were spacious and the sound quality good. Top marks for intimacy, but for me the cinema experience is about a larger screen and getting absorbed in the film. We saw “Superman Returns” and I hope he does, for the Charlotte Street’s sake, because I probably won’t be.

The Verdict:

The Verdict:

Amazing value for money and more than enough choice of films and cuisine. The menu price for the food alone exceeded that of the £10 per head we paid, and still free cinema tickets on top!

I’m not quite sure where the “deal” bit comes in here.

Spend your hard-earned on two top-class cinema seats in the West End and eat what you want at your favourite restaurant instead.

Whichever you choose, enjoy, and be careful not to spoil it with your best yawn-stretch-cuddle move.

leisure

A

rriving at Covent Garden station (the one with the small, slow lifts) I break into a sweat as I shuffle

through the shoppers and pubhoppers. It’s bang on 6.30pm, so I still have the luxury of ten minutes to make my destination. Rushing down Neal Street, slaloming the Big Issue sellers, I feel like Adam Sandler in that movie, trying to get to McDonalds before breakfast runs out at 11am.

Except my goal is to arrive at Belgo

dinner date Darren D unleashed and undercover on Gastro-central.

Belgo Centraal, Covent Garden.

Centraal in time for their excellent Beat-The-Clock promotion…

Adam Sandler doesn’t get his breakfast. McDonald’s only serves it till 10.30. I did one better than that – after all my efforts, I got the wrong day! But the lure of Belgo’s aladdin’s cave of Belgian beers and hearty food is too much to pass up, so we dine anyway.

Belgo Centraal is the West-End location of the Belgo chain, of which there are five London venues, but this place is far from your usual standard of chain. This is a company that knows both quality and value. Aside from the Belgo brand, Belgo Group also own London landmark The Ivy, J. Sheekey, Le Caprice, and chic Kensington haunts Collection, Pasha and Daphne’s, alongside the everpopular Pizza Express.

The entrance hall is futuristic,

going to a strip club for the jukebox.

reminding me of TV show, The

The beer theme carries through to

Crystal Maze. The small welcome bar

the food, with the majority of dishes

is perfect to sample one of Belgo’s

receiving some sort of alcoholic fun.

amazing beers, before being taken down in an old metal elevator to the basement, where the restaurant hall sits in a funky modern dungeon.

The décor is an interesting mix of rustic bier-keller and contemporary design, using bare brickwork against bright orange walls, stainless steel and copper plating to create a bold, upbeat, but still cosy atmosphere, with waiters dressed in a bizarre medieval-monk getup. There is an

On examining the menu, I found it

immediate buzz when you enter

offers a great selection of food, and

the restaurant area – it’s a fun, lively

their use of many rich ingredients,

canteen style layout; no music but

such as truffle cream, gruyere

plenty of chat, which would make

cheese, cooked fruit, Pernod and

it an ideal place for an informal

sweet beer helps their signature

first date… if the conversation

dishes to stand out, but also means

dries up, you can always talk to

the meal is heavy and filling much of

your neighbour!

the time (in a good way!) Just make sure you don’t go on your diet day…

The real focus in Belgo though is the

To start, we shared some mussels

beer. The drinks menu boasts over

– a must in my mind. The Thai

70 different varieties and flavours,

Green Curry sauce was rich and

including Cherry beer (Kriek),

peppery, soaked up with some

Chocolate beer (Floris – strangely

freshly baked rye bread. For main

nice!), super-strong 9.2% Trappist

course, we sampled a braised beef

pleasant combination. The traditional

Ale (Rochefort 8) and the premier

“Carbonnade Flamande” and a slow

Belgian frites seemed as though they

Hoegaarden Grand Cru. Given the

cooked lamb shank. Both dishes

may have sat under the hot-lamp

selection on offer, it’d be rude not to

were amazingly tender, and the

a little too long and the vegetables

try a new style every round. There is

beef was an especially generous

accompanying the lamb were slightly

also a reasonable wine list, but to me,

portion, braised in Gueuze beer with

slimy but the other recommended

ordering wine in Belgo would be like

apples and plums – an unexpectedly

sides of mash and red cabbage were

AIRCREW UK

| 101

perfectly complimentary. However, if you did have a problem with any of your order, the open plan kitchen on display, means you can go and personally grill the chef (although in

The bill (2 people) £70 - Inclusive of starters, main, sides, dessert, plenty of beer.

of Belgian waffles and ice-cream, an obvious and extremely good choice.

Head to Belgo, drink beer, eat mussels, drink more beer.

my experience, I’m sure you wouldn’t need to.) Dessert was in the shape

So, the rules are quite simple:

Before 6.30pm. On a weekday.

“Beat The Clock” Though I don’t resent the full-

And don’t forget that McDonald’s breakfast ends at half-ten.

price menu, if you arrive between There is a random mix of punters that seem to frequent here.

The bespectacled, moustached Europeans were generously sprinkled with some young trendy eye-candy, either in couples or as groups, but beware: whilst a fun place to come en masse, I have read comments that the same good service I received is often

5pm and 6.30pm on a weekday, you simply pay the price of the time you order for a main course and a drink. This means the most you’ll be charged is £6.30, leaving plenty of pocket money left over for more beer!

There are limited choices on this menu, but all good stuff, so definitely worth a look.

not passed on to large parties.

100% NATURAL. NO ADDED PRESERVATIVES, JARGON, OR BRIBES.

For more information on Belgo and their promotions see www.belgo-restaurants.com

regular

Dinner Date

As a microcosm of London’s recreational scene, Darren D asks “Can you spend an entire day in Carnaby Street?”….

I remember Carnaby Street (as many Londoners probably do) from my teens. A place synonymous with fashion and trends, I’m sure each Londoner has their own memory, as the area has seen many incarnations throughout its pedestrianized existence. From the mods to the punks, to the styles of today, the independent retailers that make up the Street have always been a hub of creativity and mavericks, and a break from the tourist tread of its predictable Regent Street and Oxford Street borders; still attractive to visitors but embraced by locals too.

Recent shifts have seen more high-end brand names break on to the scene, although these are all required to be concept-driven, and not just regurgitated high street. The mix

102

aircrew UK

of retail and leisure apparent now makes for an attractive day out, so I decided to revisit my youth and the street, and see if I can manage a day-long date without leaving my Carnaby confines.

Breakfast We began our morning at Sacred, a New Zealand inspired café, personalised with authentic décor and artworks sourced by Kiwi owner Matthew. Serving up perfect coffee, a great selection of pastries and organic fare, lounging is encouraged, even at the expense on business turnover, to create the chilled coffee vibe Matthew thinks London misses.

Apparently, the windowless cosy basement was recently named one of London’s best spots to indulge in an affair, so my eyes began to wander…

Shopping

unknowingly by my coffee-and-cake date, so

Pulling back some Brownie points can be easily achieved by taking her shopping, and

plus points there. The indulgence continued

there possibly is no greater variety selection

with fresh cappuccinos and a colourful, delicious choice of cakes and pastries in

that screams cool, class, exotic, and unique than what is on display in Carnaby Street

C’est Ici patisserie’s outdoor courtyard.

and its offshoots such as Newburgh St,

Dinner and Drinks Benja Thai restaurant, on Beak St, served as

Kingly Court and Fouberts place. The boutiques are plentiful, ranging from vintage fare to high-end couture and stand-out stores include the moody and opulent Harriet’s Muse to the Japanese staple everything-store Muji, where you can literally buy everything for life.

Brand lovers won’t be disappointed as your major names are present, including Diesel, Puma, Boss and All Saints although they are all required to be concept branches, offering something different from the norm, which is perfect for the unique stylephile.

Lunch A lunch date at Zebrano was convenient, being just off the main street, and offered a typical bar menu, with all the lunch favourites.

The fairly basic food is served at tables in a nightclub which is open in the day, which is pretty much how it feels. The owners are extending the model to a Greek Street location, so it must be popular – it’s perhaps worth a visit here in the evening instead, so as not to miss the plentiful other lunch options nearby that would satisfy the eye and palate on a superior level.

Pampering Who doesn’t like a little chill time? Thus, the pampering available is the perfect afternoon treat for your date. I began with a relaxing massage at Neals Yard Remedies where my masseuse Helen took time to understand my day so far, plans ahead, and body to find the perfect treatment. My man-facial at The Beauty Lounge really revitalised my weathered London skin, administered lovingly by my Hungarian aestheticians, and complimented

an intimate setting for my pescitarian date, and were very accommodating to offering our preferred menu choices excluding meat.

The food had great flavour combinations and the décor is vibrant yet elegant, with exotic fresh-fruit cocktails as their speciality, complementing the meal perfectly. More cocktails followed at The Red Bar, which has a cosy loungey New York feel, which was continued across the way at the swanky members-only Kingly Club. Entering via a tiny discreet doorway, you descend into a pure white tiny vaulted space, where the friendly management and staff enhance the luxurious exclusivity of the den; where the cocktails and conversation were much more impressive and fashionable than the night’s celebrity attendance of Mark ”Return-of –The-Mack” Morrison, and Jakki “Page-3” Degg. Finishing up a fabulous day / evening date can only be done in style at the Kempinski Courthouse Hotel, a short swagger away at the Liberty’s end of the street, meaning you really don’t have to leave Carnaby.

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regular

Dinner Date

Cocoon Darren D soaks up the ambience at one of his favourite lounges in London.

excellence, only to find that once the

place breaks on to the scene with

it extremely annoying when a new

of poor manners and service. I find

to the seemingly fashionable trend

and hip, without falling foul

London that is both luxurious

have found a restaurant in

t’s been a fair while since I

to the Cheers bar opposite where

keep the stag parties out and back

bother. It seems just a defence to

and seem polite, it will prove no

– as long as you are dressed well,

discretion. This is not a bad thing

do monitor entry to this area with

although I have a feeling that they

also serves as a great cocktail bar,

Cocoon is not just a restaurant – it

spirits. The bartenders are extremely

which use exotic fresh fruit and rare

found in the bar’s cocktails, many of

each room. But the real treats are

beef to sushi prepared on display in

the famously expensive Wagyu

Asian fare of all descriptions – from

and sumptuous, serving South East

my drift! The food menu is extensive

for the average wallet if you catch

Some of the single girls are too pricey

I in-crowd begin to frequent, filling its

they belong.

continues to impress the senses on

been open a few years, but it still

is by no means new, in fact it has

restaurant near Piccadilly Circus

seem to have got it right. This Asian

deserves another mention, as they

For this reason, I feel that Cocoon

service goes out of the window.

contempt, and the idea of customer

accented by the round glass tables

ambience throughout the place,

lighted drapes provide a glowing

muted creams and khakis, and

toilets of Sketch. Orange leathers,

have seen since the sci-fi inspired

interesting restaurant décor that I

decked out in some of the most

an oval bar in the middle, and is

itself of 2 cocoons (funny that) with

The restaurant area is made up

ceilings and length of this restaurant

the beauty of this place are the low

seems to defeat the object – for me,

private room, but to be honest, this

occasion, Cocoon does have a

For those that want a more intimate

setting perfectly.

chill and house that complements the

DJs into the night, swaying between

weekend also serves up some great

you may not have been aware of. The

sample tastes of particular spirits that

pleasant too, and have often offered

coffers with their hard-earned, that

all levels: ambience, menu, décor

filled with rose petals – the latter

suddenly, the door staff treat you with

and atmosphere.

first floor restaurant area, and

up a grand spiral staircase to the

you are politely greeted and shown

Chinawhite. Passing through this,

of the road to the celebrity haunt

on Air Street, on the opposite side

doorway hangs just off Regent Street

easy to miss. A large, although subtle

attracts the attractive – good news

double-date choice. The bar also

making it a great for a first date or

impressive, yet still lively and informal,

is fashionable and classy, and is

understandable why. The atmosphere

favourite of Prince William, it’s

Boujis in Kensington, being a

clientele, and with it’s sister club,

Cocoon is a magnet for quality

see www.cocoon-restaurants.com

For more details and reservations,

hotspots that preceded it.

its values go south like so many

you haven’t been yet, try it before

my favourite lounges in London, if

yet discovered Cocoon. As one of

pedestrian society that still have not

Street below, unbeknownst to the

looking unsuspectingly out to Regent

that fills with atmosphere, all whilst

sounds naff but works very well.

from this moment on, you are truly

if you are single, but beware.

The entrance to the restaurant is

detached from the touristy mess of

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the streets below.

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regular

Dinner Date:

Dans Le Noir?

By Darren D.

Have you ever been on a blind date? Or have you ever wished you were blind on your date, once the hot guy/girl that you remembered through your beer-goggles turns up looking nothing short of Dean Gaffney in a fight with the ugly stick. The recent addition to Clerkenwell’s restaurant scene could be right up your street.

Dans Le Noir?, a concept restaurant started

you can either play it safe and pick a la carte,

in Paris, is the perfect place for an uneasy first

or indulge in sensory confusion by opting for

date, blind date, sympathy date, or indeed as something different to mix up humdrum

the Surprise Menu which is exactly what it says on the tin (if you could actually read the

restaurant going. You don’t need to be concerned about staring into each others

tin!). The Surprise Menus are also available to suit all palates and requirements; standard;

eyes all night here, as the restaurant, which seats sixty people, is a dining experience in

no fish or seafood; no meat; and vegetarian options. Kuikhoven recommends immersing

complete darkness.

yourself into this unknown: “In my kitchen, the surprise menu is designed with strong

From the street in quaint Clerkenwell Green, London, you enter into a lit bar and lounge

flavours and aromas, different temperatures on the plate as well as textures and to some

for pre-dinner cocktails, where you order your food, before descending into the main restaurant through an ante-room to avoid any interruption of the dark black experience by light. You are led to your table by a guide, who also serves as a waiter, and remarkably, they are blind.

extent sounds, all these factors produce a pedagogic experience for our customers.”

Diners only find out what they have been eating on leaving the restaurant, and so added entertainment and table debate is bound to ensue, as each party tries to guess their mouthfuls.

They are best suited to help you familiarise

Complementing your food with drinks may

yourself with the unlit environment, before serving your food and drinks, which promise a different taste and sensory experience, due to the lack of association that you will have with the visual interpretation of your meal. Have you ever tried to eat something, and think of a different flavour, and you are convinced that you are then eating the food you are

be difficult without the help of your guides, since you are unsure of what you may be eating, but the restaurant offers an extensive cocktail and wine list, including a great variety of champagne cocktails. If you are the sort of person that is usually “in the dark” when choosing wines, this could actually be a blessing.

contemplating? This mix-up of the senses is exactly what you will receive at Dans Le Noir? as you make your way through each course, savouring tastes and smells like never before.

The chef, Eugene Kuikhoven explains ““The concept behind the food is to re-educate our customers’ mouths and minds, to make them truly understand the flavours. As you are totally deprived of light your eyes can’t deceive you, so therefore all preconceptions are gone.” His menu consists of international modern cuisine, with an expected slant towards French, such as Fricassee of Chicken, Foie Gras, and Chocolate Truffle Pavé. When ordering prior to your seating,

The concept is now spreading throughout the world, with a Dans Le Noir? franchise opening in Moscow, and more to follow. It seems diners are more than willing to ditch traditional cuisine fun for experimental eating. So whether you’re into trying something different, you change that last minute reservation due to an outbreak of zits that you’d rather your partner not see, or you want to see if your date offers anything more than lust and looks, it seems Dans Le Noir? will deliver.

Don’t worry about opportunist wandering hands either, the infra-red security cameras take care of that, so no cheeky ideas lads!

For more info and reservations, visit www.DansLeNoir.com

regular

Dinner Date:

LATE NIGHT LONDON by Darren D With the Christmas season upon us, no doubt you will at some point need to organise/attend a festive get-together. If a night out in a chain bar or club leaves you reeling in horror at the thought of a naff name, identikit wood and brass, bingo-hall carpets, back-to-back music videos, plastic glasses, pukey toilets, ultra-violet, one comfy sofa to fight for, the same slag, the same chav, in the same clothes, in the same chair, smoking the same fags, surrounded by the same dĂŠcor, just plugged in to a different high street - then you might need some convincing to venture out.

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However, if you value consistent product and

mapped out for you, to search by type of

service, but in a venue with a vague chance of

venue, event, or nearest tube. Despite this

release from the “Groundhog Day” syndrome of a modern night out, then the Late Night

handy help, it can still be a minefield of hennights, poor service, and cheesy Frenchmen,

London people are worth a look, as they are very geared up to making your end of year

so our independent rundown should help guide you….

“Each Late Night London venue has its own style and design, but grouped by features that can be positive for a night on the razz.”

parties happen.

BEST FOR FOOD: Operated by the group that own the Tiger Tiger chain, now in nine cities across the UK,

Ruby Blue’s restaurant is clear winner for quality and choice, with striking design and

the Late Night London website showcases the multitude of venues that fall under their

a great jazz pianist if you’re lucky. Sway is also great for more formal dining, whilst Long

umbrella in London. But fear not – whilst Tiger Tiger may not sum up plans of a classy social, the focus with their other London bars and clubs is to provide a widespread level of service, whilst keeping individuality in outlets.

Acre offers intimate tables overlooking a lively bar. Ones to avoid for more than bar snacks are Sugar Reef (poor service), Digress (no set restaurant area), and don’t even entertain the microwave-meal menu of Zoo – their own staff have even been known to discourage it!

Generously spread across the heart of the West End, and the City, the key difference noted between the two areas is this: the City bars and their clientele think of themselves as the higher end of the scale. It’s cool amongst the suited locals to go there, which inadvertently makes it uncool for the rest of us, whereas the West End bars are pitching themselves at the Premium Bar sector. They know they are not an exclusive members club, but they are no Wetherspoons either.

Each Late Night London venue has its own style and design, but grouped by features that can be positive for a night on the razz.

The bar menus are near identical, though fairly extensive; the happy hour promotions always fall between 5pm and 7pm; and the majority of venues are laid out with separate bar, restaurant, and club areas. You can also reserve a section for a private party, without the ubiquitous £5 million pound table spend (or whatever Chinawhite are charging these days!) in the Capital.

Convenience lies in their Website – when deciding where to head, all the locations are

BEST FOR DRINKS & DANCING: Drinks choices are fairly constant, but opt for premium brands: cocktails, whilst a good selection at an enticing price, can taste very watered down. For liveliness, and atmosphere, try The Loop and The Langley, or for upmarket late-night drinks, Sway or Babble. If its hen-nights and tourists you’re after, you can’t beat Strawberry Moons, closely followed by On Anon & Tiger Tiger – you have been warned! See it as educational – after one night, you’ll be able to say “Your breasts look very mystifying” in at least 14 languages.

BEST FOR DÉCOR: Décor is quite contemporary across the board, but never so fashionable that it’s in danger of going out of fashion either. Often, the design has been retained in part from previous ownerships, so on locations of former exclusive clubs, like Ruby Blue (Red Cube), Sugar Reef (same name), and Sway (10 Covent Garden), the interiors are more notable. Loop’s club room and Zoo Bar are desperately in need of a revamp, whilst The aircrew UK

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Langley and Wax have the most quirky design layouts.

SUMMARY: Don’t get confused with an elegant or stylish night out – if you are trying

BEST FOR CHRISTMAS PARTIES:

to impress, then research is key. There are better choices out there, but you’ll pay for it.

If you and your friends are X-factor wannabes, then the Christmas Karaoke every Tuesday

But if you are looking for a fun night out, with no hassle of guestlists, vague dresscodes, or

at The Loop is a must, but if a sophisticated, festive 3-course dinner is more your scene,

arrogant “entrepreneurs” and glamour models, and you have a mixed bag of friends, then it’s

then Verve is probably your best bet for a seasonal setting with a reasonable menu

a great idea to check out something local and suitable for everyone on www.latenightlondon.

price, with special deals on Christmas Dinners

co.uk – just don’t forget your pound for the

on selected Mondays and Tuesdays.

toilet guy. Freshen up sir?

regular

P

an-asian fare seems all the rage of recent, and quite a welcome progression from the

overdone “Asian-fusion” that seems

Dinner Date

Tamarai

to crop up on every menu west of Beijing. As I am quite a fan of flavours from across the Asian continent, and have heard the claims of authenticity arousing from new London addition Tamarai, I decided to pay a visit.

By Darren D

Situated on the site of the old Millenium club in Drury Lane, and much the same long L-shaped layout, the restaurant is in a great location for Covent Garden’s theatreland. Descending the unglamorous staircase with my glamorous date, I wondered what lay in store and whether I had made the right choice. It certainly didn’t have the elegance or anticipation derived from the flight down to Quaglinos, or the quiet exclusivity of the flight up to the Century club for instance. It didn’t help that we were passed on the way by a dressed-up chav yelling into his mobile phone “don’t bovva mate – it’s dead down ‘ere”.

Despite myself and several others hearing that allegation, there were still a few people queuing at the reception desk to pay £15 to get in. £15?! Must be special….. I was just 118 | AIRCREW UK

glad that I’d skipped that charge by

the factory-line of girls in printed-

perfectly, allowing the entire meal

making a dinner reservation.

polyester and two-tone haircuts,

to be well balanced and complete

suggested to me that it was a

in flavour.

My initial thoughts as I entered the

Home-counties legend on tour.

glossy black interior, strewn with

There was enough room on the table

neon pee lights was that I must be

Thankfully, Tamarai redeemed

for all the sharing plates, but this also

on the wrong floor. However, I saw

themselves with the food. With

proved a downfall, once our Tutti

the maitre d’, which hinted that I

selections from China, Thailand,

Frutti hosts pumped up the “back-to-

was where I was supposed to be,

Malaysia, Burma and more, the

Magaluf” DJ set. Lucky my date was

which on first impressions, kind of

selection was exciting and varied.

something to look at, because I sure

resembled a Stringfellows-esque strip

The portions are designed for

as hell couldn’t hear her!

club. Without the strippers. It’s not

sharing, and we tried Thai Crispy

that the décor isn’t nice – far from it.

Vegetables, a melting Penang

It wasn’t an entirely bad experience.

Just the choice of blacks, purples,

Seabass (delicious) and curried

On the contrary, the food was

neon blues and maroons can conjure

Lamb Chops. The tastes did not

fantastic and the wine list plentiful if a

that image up, and then it’s hard to

disappoint, each dish having an

little overpriced. Our meal with drinks

shake off.

individual character and kick, but

came in at £80 for 2, which is fair

still complementing the other items

game in the West End these days.

As we were escorted to our table, my thoughts

My tip to experience

were further tarnished

it at its best though, is

by bunches of pink

either go for the food

party balloons and

earlier on, or for the club

streamers tied to

(if that’s your style), but

several railings and

don’t mix both. A pre-

chairs. Am I at a strip

theatre deal offered with

club? A wedding?

show tickets represents

Thoroughly confused

great value, and you’ll

is the only way to

have a much better

describe it, and my

time hearing, tasting

date’s expression

and seeing Tamarai

confirmed this.

without the afterhours razzmatazz.

We learned that tonight was also a nightclub

For more details and

event, hosted by

reservations see

“Tutti Frutti” which by

www.tamarai.co.uk

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leisure London

eatingout guide

By Darren D

Eating out in London with your crew allowance can get expensive so we have put together a list of 10 of the best meal deals in the city.

minute offers on available tables.

5

9

www.5pm.co.uk

Following the excellent Conran

Mediterranean cuisine in The Hilton

2

campaigns, The Evening Standard

on Park Lane... for free! The host

lists deals aplenty at top eateries.

doesn’t pay, whether there are 2 of

www.esrestaurants.co.uk

you or 20, organise the next night

6

out and keep schtum! Book this

1

5pm Various offers Good website for last-

Late Night London The £3 Lunch

Staple choices of a modern menu - quick, filling and great value.

Evening Standard Deals

2 for 1

Park Brasserie, Park Lane

The host dines free

Wagamama Various vouchers

offer through www.lastminute.com

There are locations in West London

10

and Dubai. www.wagamama.com

Mystery Shoppers are paid to eat

sways towards pan-Asian choices,

7

out and to monitor the service.

with plush, intimate décor.

passport to 2 for 1 meals any

www.theinternational.uk.com

time at over 60 restaurants in

4

London localities north of the

www.latenightlondon.co.uk

3

The International

£3 lunch or £15 for 3 courses with champagne A classier choice than the above,

by Trafalgar Square. The menu

Medieval Banquet

3 courses + drinks for £34.50

Whilst this may remind you of a tacky Magaluf excursion, you get 3 courses and unlimited beer and wine.

Good value, if you consider some

Become a free website

member of the Japanese chain for vouchers (free desserts, 2 for 1 etc.)

Restaurant Explorer

Mystery Shopping

Get paid to eat for free!

Get involved with this brilliant guide. www.UKMysteryShopping.com

2 for 1

Buy a card (for £44.95) - your

River, including everything from gastropubs to grand dining. www.restaurantexplorer.com

8

Sante £15 voucher £15 off your meal at Chez

Gerard, Bertorelli, Livebait and Café

London haunts will charge you £6

Fish. Their set menu costs under

for a lager.

£15, so they could end up owing

www.medievalbanquet.com

you money! www.santeonline.co.uk

(£5 online discount.)

“Special Offers”

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Dinner Date: Town

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or country?

The first few layovers you experience as Aircrew probably manifest as much excitement and energy as your arrival in a cheap Spanish resort on the first mates-only holiday when you were 16. The incessant need to get straight on it, hitting the bars, and seeing the sights is all very well when it is new and exciting, but after the route has been well travelled, you may just need something a bit low key, local and chilled.

Flying into Heathrow or Gatwick, you can quite easily go straight into the centre of London, but head in the other direction, and you find yourself in Surrey, that rural enclave of country wealth that simply can’t bear to be so remote that they pasteurize their own milk.

One such hamlet is Farnham, and if you are after a relaxing stop, then look no further. The old market town, complete with real castle is only a short hop away from the airport, but is the perfect place to get away and kick back.

Alternatively, you might be a party animal, who always has to discover the new hotspots.

Depending on how you feel, it’s probably then a toss-up between town and country, so this Dinner Date gives you a sprinkling of each…

A recent addition to the restaurant scene there is the Chez Gerard Brasserie. Part of the Chez Gerard group, this particular branch is substantially more homely and informal, and has a carefree ambience, perfect for

regular a hazy summers evening with a bottle of

now. However, despite being so kitsch, it

AIRCREW OFFER:

Chateauneuf Du Papes.

has proved an instant hit with the glamorous

The key difference between the Brasserie and

celebrity set, attracting such international guests as Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Natalie

One free glass of champagne for every person in the party dining at the Farnham Branch of Brasserie Chez Gerard.

the regular Chez restaurant is in the menu – the Brasserie’s offerings are much more

Imbruglia and Jade Jagger.

extensive and varied, with an emphasis on having something for everyone – a nice touch

The drinks are the big crowd-puller here, with an impressive cocktail menu that won’t

if you are with a big group of Aircrew that can’t make a decision. This is a great place

leave you wondering what to have as the next quencher. The choices are as fun to read

for that, as everyone can be together, but still please their own taste buds.

about as to consume, and the speciality is the “Treasure Chest” – an actual chest filled

The menu consists of world flavours and staples, with a prevailing French flair, from fabulously garlicky Escargot, to rich pastas, to gourmet burgers, to Moroccan Tajine and of course “the best steak-frites this side of Paris” as they claim.

With food and service being pleasant, familiar

with Mahiki Grog, brandy and peach liqueur, lime and sugar, topped with a bottle of Moet & Chandon. Although this comes with a £100 price tag, and enough straws for eight people, rumour has it that Prince Harry, a Mahiki regular, enjoys one of these to himself!

This hangout does come with a right royal price tag across the board, but

and relatively casual, it’s a great place to spend some time with fine wine, friends, and conversation.

one advantage is the lack of a guest list, reinforcing the relaxed nonchalant charm of the theme, especially in a city that seems all too preoccupied with making the streets

If you simply can’t bear the country ways though, and are desperate for some urban action, then make your way into Mayfair for the latest addition to the party circuit,

look busy by leaving us standing in the (invariable) cold.

Mahiki. Located on the former site of Nell’s nightclub, right by the Ritz and Green Park station, party guru Nick House has converted the venue into a Tiki-themed paradise as his first foray into bar ownership, following his hugely successful londonparties.co.uk guest-list concept. Complete with Hawaiian furniture, tiki carvings, and enough bamboo for a panda party, this venue is unlike anything London has seen in a while, and is a far cry from the dull and overdone Moroccan-den style or stark whitewash Ikea room-set that has plagued the scene for so long. The menu, created by kooky chef Nancy Lam is disappointingly simple pan-Asian fare though, which London is fairly saturated with right

least you can rely on the two new hotspots from this issue’s Dinner Date.

But if you can’t rely on the British weather, at

For more info, see www. brasseriechezgerard. co.uk and www.mahiki.com

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regular

date to remember

A Valentine’s

Darren D puts more than a little thought into making this a very special day indeed.

000 | AIRCREW UAE

L

ove is in the air. Or at

simply follow my ready-made, tried-

least it should be. With

and-tested plan below…

Christmas out of the

our attentions on the next national

Sunrise Outdoor Breakfast

day of commercialised affection.

If you can bring yourself to crawl

This Valentine’s Day (which I’m sure

out of bed and get ready in darkness,

is rumoured to have been created

it’ll be worth it. Prepare a champagne

by Hallmark cards!), ditch the usual

breakfast of all your favourite treats

overpriced clichéd tables-for-two

the night before: croissants, cheeses,

and do something a little different.

smoked salmon, hot coffee. Book

Whether you are looking for a great

a taxi to pick you up early morning

date for your long-term loved one,

and take you to a great viewpoint.

or a fun day out for your stopover

In London, the top of Primrose Hill,

affair, read on…

Greenwich Observatory, Richmond

way, we can now focus

Park or Alexandra Palace are If you haven’t seen Breakfast at

perfect. Pitch up with a picnic

Tiffany’s you should. It has nothing

blanket and enjoy some breakfast

to do with eating toast with an 80’s

seclusion with your date, watching

popstar, and everything to do with

the sunrise, whilst exchanging

the inspiration for this issue’s Date.

Valentines day gifts…

In the movie, Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard plan a morning

Sail into town

doing things they’ve both never done

Ditch the Tube or Bus, and take a

before. So, whilst you may not be

relaxing boat ride into the City Centre.

able to adopt Audrey’s elegance and

You’ll be surprised how chilled the

charm, you can be certain to have a

morning commute can be, cruising

special day to remember, like her.

along the Thames, with a nice glass of wine in your hand. There

The “I Have Never” date should be

are various river services, some

carefully planned, and organised

with open decks and bars, and

in advance. Start by making a list

you’ll be sure to see a side of the

of things that you have both never

Capital you’ve probably never

done, especially not together. Try and

noticed before…

think of the weird and wacky, as well as the romantic, and you’ll be sure

Watch a court case

to have fun. If you’re stuck for ideas,

Sounds obscure but is actually really

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interesting! The public are allowed

map. But when was the last time

best…playing a spot of Scrabble

to go into the Old Bailey and watch

you actually visited one of the many

maybe?! (We think not, especially

cases as they unfold. Disembark your

tourist attractions that London has

if you managed to bypass Agent

boat at Embankment, walk up the

to offer? You may surprise yourself!

Provocateur on your travels…)

Strand to Fleet Street and you will

Pick up a typical guidebook for

Enjoy your date!

find the famous courts on your left.

ideas, or visit the London Dungeon,

You can simply walk in to observe

London Zoo, London Aquarium,

the majority of cases going on.

London Eye, Tower of London, or

We watched a suspected terrorism

Tate Modern for an hour or so.

charge, and a guy that hit his

You actually get that holiday feeling

neighbour with a spade! So if

which is a great aphrodisiac…

it’s variety you’re after, look no further. Just remember to keep

House!

quiet, otherwise a contempt of

Time to chav it up, with a local game

court fine could spoil your day.

of Bingo. Pick a Gala or Mecca

Also, find somewhere to leave

near the city (be sure to sign up at

your possessions before – you

least a day in advance) and spend a

aren’t allowed to take any

couple of hours in the company of

belongings (phones, cameras etc)

old dears and scampi-in-a-basket,

into the Courts.

whistling at “legs eleven”. Sounds random, but where else can you

Essential Info:

Nouveau cuisine

enjoy cheap drinks, people-watch,

For your late lunch, pick cuisine that

have fun and come out having made

you’ve both never tried – Lebanese,

money? If you really can’t stomach

Ethiopian, Moroccan, Mongolian,

the thought of this though, head to

just be creative. A quick search on

a West End casino, for a much more

a website like TopTable will uncover

sophisticated flutter…

Toptable www.toptable.co.uk

globe, guaranteed to spice up

Classy comfort

your day.

To celebrate your winnings, you’ll

Tourist Info www.visitlondon.com

lots of new flavours from around the

want to retire with your chosen one

Local tourist

in a nice private space, so leave the

For the afternoon’s activity, try a spot

venue by rickshaw, and be man-

of tourism. Now, I’m not suggesting

driven to one of London’s many

that you stand in everybody’s way

boutique hotels. In your cosy intimate

on the Tube escalator with a huge

space, you can wind down the

backpack staring gormlessly at a

exhausting day, as only you’ll know

22 | AIRCREW UK

Parks www.yourlondon.gov.uk/parks Riverboats www.tfl.gov.uk Old Bailey 020 7248 3277

Bingo www.meccabingo.com Rickshaws www.bugbugs.co.uk Boutique Hotels www.MrandMrsSmith.com Agent Provocateur www.agentprovocateur.com

Dinner Date: Darren D investigates how a rumbling tummy can get you past the velvet rope.

Spending so much time giving out the VIP treatment can take its toll, so next time you land, you may want to be whisked into the world of the privileged yourself. The last thing you want to do on a short layover is spend half your social night in a queue, and it does nothing for your street-cred. There is a old nightclub adage that stands true all over the world, but especially in London: “If you’re willing to stand in line, then you ain’t getting in”. Have you ever been stood waiting to enter a nightclub to be told it’s at capacity at 9pm, or some equally ridiculous excuse, only to see a bunch of socialites saunter past you to the velvet rope, which appears to

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evaporate at the very sight of them? If you’re not already high up in the celebrity stakes, and not willing to sleep with the doorman / manager at least one night per week, then being hungry is one of the best ways to ensure fast-track, dignified entry into the capital’s current hotspots.

Booking a table for dinner at the latest A-list venues is a great way of getting into the club of your choice, and staying on for the party, without the ubiquitous hassle of the 11 o’clock rush. Granted, you will need to be willing to splash some cash, and in general, the food quality, service or ambience may not be of the same standard as a standalone restaurant of similar price range, but if you

regular are the type that scans the tabloids checking

set-up at ground level, and a members club

which venue you were at, or should be

in the basement, overlooked by a mezzanine

attending, then this probably won’t bother you. Getting through the gauntlet of modern

VIP room. Garry Hollihead’s menu has a distinct British slant, using much West

doors, unscathed by embarrassment would, so a simple reservation for dinner can help you

Country produce with a slight continental accent, and he offers a Menu Du Jour which

smoothly execute your evening’s plans, and elevate your social leadership status suitably.

changes daily. 3 courses for two will set you back approximately £100 without drinks,

And so, this Dinner Date spotlights some of the latest venues and some old favourites, to

before you descend to the equally pricey bar, but check their website for special offers

help you get past the velvet rope.

which currently boasts the Menu Du Jour for £22.50pp which includes a glass of wine.

Studio Valbonne After two decades, Studio Valbonne, an exclusive 70’s and 80’s club is back on the Kingly Street site which has seen various incarnations including Emporium and Tantra.

The venue has a strong personality of rich, vibrant colours and patterning throughout, creating a lavish and sensual environment, reminiscent of its opulent heydays when it

Embassy London, 29 Old Burlington Street, Mayfair, London W1S 3AN Reservations: 020 7851 0956 www.embassylondon.com The Wardour Peter Stringfellow’s new offering is unsurprisingly causing quite a stir on the

was frequented by the likes of Madonna, Boy George and George Michael. The restaurant area, open from 7.30pm continues the theme of the décor, and offers a set 3course menu at £44.95 per head. The choices are relatively standard, with the sole vegetarian option an extremely unimaginative Penne Arrabiata, however if you are going to fill up on

London club scene, not least because of his previous reputation, but also because his venue The Wardour has recently won the Brahma London Bar & Club Award

inoffensive staples whilst people-watching, this is a sure bet.

days of Stringfellows and the restaurant tables reflect that, placed strategically amongst the best areas of the club, offering high-end cuisine including Baby Lobster and Foie Gras, and insisting on bottle service for the privilege of being seated. Just be aware that on Tuesdays to Thursdays, your dinner entertainment will be the Angels dancers, so if you don’t want to feast your eyes on the human body, head to this venue at weekends!

Studio Valbonne, 62 Kingly Street, London W1B 5QN Reservations: 020 7434 0888 www.studiovalbonne.co.uk Embassy The Embassy Club near London’s Savile Row appears to have proved its staying power, still popular after five years, and appearing to go from strength to strength with new venues set to open in Aircrew locations Abu Dhabi in 2007 and Dubai in 2009. The space is split over two floors, with a traditional restaurant

HOT INSIDER TIP: For those of you that simply can’t stomach eating amongst the hoi-polloi to enjoy an elite night on the town, look out for new Soho spot Maya which promises to take exclusivity to a new level.

Membership is currently being considered by invitation, so check out the website at www.mayalondon.com and quote Aircrew Magazine – you might just be considered as the chosen one!

for Most Stylish Venue – not something you’d necessarily associate with a man synonymous with stripper poles! However it seems that this site is a revisit to the glamour

The Wardour, 201-203 Wardour Street, London W1F 8ZH Reservations: 020 7758 0670 www.thewardour.com aircrew UK

69

leisure

Christmas date Darren D supplies a stocking full of ideas for the perfect Christmas date.

I

’ve always aspired to be like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. It’s not that I have an insane longing to wear obscene

multicoloured clothes and have hi-top hair. It’s not even the multimillions in his bank account.

(Well, maybe a little of that).

No, it’s more because I’d love to able to fit as much into a day as he does in the summer summer summertime.

He goes shopping at the mall, plays basketball, drives around, goes swimming, changes his clothes, has a BBQ, then a family reunion all before the 6pm car cruise, which apparently he’s spent all day waxing.

So, in honour of the urban multi-tasker, this issue’s date takes you on a Christmas - themed whirlwind.

Whether you are flying home to a loved one, or you are stuck for ideas for that stopover affair, this is Dazzy D’s new definition of Christmas Madness…

“Here it is, a date, slightly transformed.

Just a bit of a break from the norm.

A little something special to break the monotony Of hardcore dates that leave you needing phlebotomy.

A good little Christmas pick and mix To keep them on their toes, and give you a romantic fix Think of the dates of the past Another boring dinner and pub, not much of a blast!

Pop on some Bing, some Dean and Sinatra And leave the car at home for a starter.”

“You’re going out all day, and it’s sort of a buzz, Stick on some classy clothes, and then wrap well up, The weather’s gonna be a bit cold, but don’t be effortless, Coz where you’ll be going you’ll still want to look well dressed.

Just cover up your legs, please make sure of that, As grazed knees aren’t a great look, and take a hat.

You might wanna throw in some gloves and a scarf, To stop the frostbite hitting you, just for this Xmas laugh.”

“It’s the start of the day, you ain’t had breakfast yet, So hustle to Soho, and in Balans you’ll get A great Eggs Benedict, a nice bloody mary But beware of the manager, she sometimes gets lairy.

The temperature’s about minus 8.

Hop on a train, to Birmingham, mate.

It might seem far, but there’s fun to be had there, Coz you’re invited to the Frankfurt Xmas Market & Fayre.

Break back to London, make your way to Waterloo.

To the Imax Cinema for the next thing to do.

Sit in the back row if its not too seedy, For Santa vs Snowman or Polar Express in 3D. Then 6 o’ clock rolls around You ain’t finished running your credit card down.

It’s time to spend, so you go To the Harrods Christmas World that looks like a bling show.

Then it’s on to skate at the new London Ice Rinks In Kew or on the Strand, for some fun and some drinks If you’re still up for chilling, then just head to the Ice Bar Below Zero London, for vodka in an ice jar.

The walls are also made of ice, but you can’t speed through.

It’s half an hour slots so everybody’s cold too.

A walk in St James’ Park follows the bar, To a nice Christmas Dinner that is well above par.

Traditional gourmet at the Inn In The Park In a lovely location for a night in the dark.

Just to finish up, you’ll want to warm up your bodies, What better way to do it than mulled wine and hot toddies?

While kicking back in front of real open fires, A night in the Firevault bar never tires.

With fireplaces everywhere, and cocktails of happiness, This is Darren D’s new definition of Xmas madness!”

84 | AIRCREW UK

Breakfast at Balans www.balans.co.uk

Frankfurt Christmas Market in Birmingham www.birmingham.gov.uk/autumn.bcc

Imax Cinema – Santa vs Snowman or Polar Express in 3D www.bfi.org.uk/incinemas/imax/

Harrods Christmas World www.harrods.com

London Ice Rinks www.londonicerinks.com

Ice Bar www.belowzerolondon.com

Inn The Park, St James Park www.innthepark.com

The Firevault www.cvo.co.uk

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Whilst

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6,600 people paid over $145,000 in bids between $1 and $50,000 towards a goal of $1,000,001 to produce a film of only 24 frames of animation of 12 different artworks, lasting 1 second long.

W

elcome to The

title on their drab, uninteresting CV,

($600.23), Kevin Bacon ($10) and the

1 Second Film.

the project offers the pedestrian

extremely stingy Woody Harrelson

On March 8th

community the chance to boast

($1) – did his last movie bomb?

2001, hundreds

an official Producer credit simply

of people helped paint twelve 5ft

by donating anything upwards of a

So, the next time you’re stood in a

x 9ft paintings, each with its own

dollar. It even gets you a legitimate

bar, almost warming to the drunken

director overseeing the action. Over 5

listing as Producer on the famous

affections of another “film producer”,

years on, the project is still gathering

film website IMDB.com.

you might wanna ask what exactly

momentum, as the people behind

did they last “produce” before you

The 1 Second Film continue towards

The 1 Second Film has done pretty

their goal of making over a million

well considering its limited lifespan –

dollars for charity.

donations from the realms of nobody

For those that long for a snazzy 62 | AIRCREW UK

give over your digits!

appear alongside various celebrity

To find out more about the film, and to get involved, visit

Producers, such as Keifer Sutherland

www.the1secondfilm.com

regular Whilst you were at

30,000feet...

180 feature films and 130 short films from 48 countries were shown in 15 different cinemas and venues to 1000’s of people, over a period of 2 weeks, ending in 6 awards to the filmmakers, in an event that began 50 years ago.

W

elcome to the

also be a breeding ground for the

However, for cinema lovers, it really

BFI London

worst we can come up with too.

is a great time to check out some great new pieces from across the

Film Festival.

310 films eagerly

The festival runs for fifteen days

world, many of which won’t make

waited ‘in the can’ for their debut

in November, and during that

it to your mainstream cinemas.

appearance. Having spent the last

period, it’s difficult to miss. London

couple of years getting ready (or in

is awash with glitz, glamour, A-list

Which is a shame, as there are

some contenders cases, decades!)

stars 20 deep in Burger King, and

some treats in there, especially

the majority of these anticipated

more tuxedos than you can shake

with some of the short-film

their response with more nerves than

a stick at. Not.

programmes that allow you

I could muster if Simon Cowell was in

bite-size versions of different

my shower. To enter the London Film

For those of you that enjoy film

Festival, your movie must not have

festivals of the South-of-France

screened anywhere in the UK yet…

variety, don’t cancel your overpriced

You need to treat the whole

flight just yet. As much fondness

experience like a trip to TK Maxx

The opening ceremony kicked off

as I have for British Cinema, and it

– some cracking stuff to be found

with “The Last King Of Scotland”,

really does need a push, the Festival

if you’ve got time to sift through

starring Forest Whitaker, James

De Cannes it’s not. You would be

the crap.

McAvoy and Gillian Anderson, but

forgiven for not even noticing it’s

not all the entrants could boast this

going on, unless you happen to

calibre of cast. The festival is there to

trip over the shoebox-sized ticket

showcase the best new cinema has

booth that takes up its temporary

to offer, but for the critics, this can

residency in Leicester Square.

100 | AIRCREW UK

genres, often highly entertaining.

To find out more about the festival and for next year’s event, see www.lff.org.uk

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30,000feet...

Whilst you were at

120 adrenaline junkies paid £70,000 to zoom 400 miles in 26 powerboats.

Over 96 hours, they partied in 4 different locations, drinking 300 bottles of champagne, in an event costing £110,000. Welcome to the Blade Run. 120 thrillseekers, playboys,

France, in the first ever Blade Run,

They got Susie from Big Brother,

trustafarians and pseudo-celebs lined

a powerboat rally, modelled on the

and an ex-Gladiator. Not quite the

up in powerboats of all shapes and

notorious Gumball 3000. Each night

A-list prestige of Gumball, but the

sizes at Tower Bridge in London,

they stay in plush locations, and

complimentary Sagatiba cocktails

grinning at paparazzi and nursing

party till the small hours, quaffing

overshadowed that.

obscene hangovers. Awaiting the

champagne and no doubt sharing

starting signal, they fastened the

stories of done deals, fancy meals,

Blade Run is not officially allowed

top poppers on their waterproofs.

open legs and three-way sex.

to be called a race. So who won?

The middle of August in London,

“Charlie Head received the Spirit of

not a sunbeam in sight, torrential

The launch night in Kensington

The Blade Run” was the official word

rain ahead. You would be forgiven

kicked the party off in style. Opposite

from Blade Run’s organiser Edward

for thinking that these folk have

the Royal Albert Hall, the red carpet

Balme. So I’ll be trying to get on his

too much time and money on their

entrance played host to waiting

team next year.

hands. They do.

photographers, hoping to catch a glimpse of someone important

Over 4 days, 26 teams sped out of

amidst the peroxide silicone army

To find out more about Blade Run,

the Thames, across the Channel to

and over-styled toyboys.

see www.BladeRun.co.uk AIRCREW UK

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Whilst you were at

By Darren D.

30,000feet...

90 carefully selected guests from over 1000 RSVPs spent 4 hours enjoying a top chef’s 3 course meal and a gift bag worth $3000, celebrating the 28 British features and short films officially selected for the 25th anniversary of Sundance Film Festival.

Welcome to A Very British Sunday Roast.

The Brits have been doing quite well in the international film market of recent, particularly Hollywood, where at least one Brit graces most pictures with their For more info, see presence, not to mention cleaning up at the www.aVeryBritishRoast. major awards. This year, Sundance Film co.uk Festival was no exception, with an encouraging twenty-eight feature films and shorts being screened in Utah over the ten-day event.

With entries ranging from all corners of England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales from filmmakers such as Felix Massie, Finlay Pretsell and Havana Marking, it seemed only sensible that there should be an event to champion this British invasion and celebrate the success of these films. The brainchild of actor-producers Craig Robert Young, and Darren Darnborough culminated in A Very British Sunday Roast – an extremely civilised antidote to the energy drinkcocktails and canapés staple that Sundance events often become.

A perfectly prepared three-course roast beef dinner, by renowned chef Philippe Forcioli was washed down with classic wines, Marani Vodka, O.N.E. Natural Experience, served out of the finest Waterford Crystal, the headline sponsor of the events. Invitations were limited to key filmmakers with projects in the festival, and people from the LA, NYC and UK film markets to allow a smattering of networking

40 aircrew SIN

Darren Darnborough and Craig Robert Young and business through which a number of new deals were formed and flourished. The event also attracted a few recognisable stars of the screen, with other big names missing out by applying too late, such is the harsh reality of the jam-packed Sundance calendar.

Guests all left with “one of the best gift bags at Sundance” full of different products including a Waterford Crystal item, teeth whitening and Botox treatments, Plantronics headphones, Movida nightclub and Station Film goodies, a private jet voucher for Halcyon Jets, Morganna Elixir face cream and a year’s subscription to Netflix, amongst others. The evening ended with most guests going on to attend an exclusive performance by rock band The Nick Rallis Trio, and was considered such a success that the team with be replicating the event in Cannes, Dubai and Toronto festivals in the coming year.

regular Whilst

you were at

30,000 feet...

200,000 people descended upon the French Riviera for 12 days to celebrate the 60th year of France’s premier event. Over 4000 journalists and 100’s of stars watched 1000’s of films from around the world, whilst basking in 70 degrees sunshine.

W

elcome to

hotels are rumoured to be booked

in your life is an absolute must. The

the Cannes

up to seven years in advance, and

total hedonists amongst you will

Film Festival.

otherwise stuck-up self-respecting

jet-set down to the Monaco Grand

moviemakers may actually be

Prix straight after. Whilst it’s great fun

Film-makers, film-stars, press,

found three to a makeshift bed in

to observe, you’ll really want to get

socialites and general hangers-on

somebody’s lounge.

past the velvet rope. The only way

gathered once again on La Croisette

to do that however, is to get officially

for the world’s most respected film

The festival is a spectacle to say the

festival. For just under two weeks,

least. Premieres happen five times a

the small coastal town comes

day at the main red-carpet cinema,

Beware though, you have to actually

alive with the buzz of people in an

the coastline has more yachts than

be involved in the film industry and

extremely glamorous affair which is

water, and flamboyant parties take

apply at least one month before.

as much about the social scene as

place everywhere - from the 5 star

So get cracking on that movie idea

the films themselves.

hotels, to the Pavilions, to one of the

you’ve always had – see you with a

many beach marquees hosted by top

glass of Cristal next year.

With various awards up for grabs,

nightclubs from around the world.

For more information see

everyone who is anyone shacks up at the festival, where demand for

For those that are interested in film,

hotel rooms is so high that the major

and love to party, a visit at least once

48 | AIRCREW UAE

accredited by the film festival.

www.festival-cannes.fr

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Whilst you were at

30,000feet...

By Darren D.

250,000 people rallied at 10 major festivals across the US, and more than 12,000 simultaneous events worldwide, to draw awareness on the 38th anniversary of an observance conceived in 1970 on April 22nd. Welcome to Earth Day. Every year, in April, events are

This motivated the main focus of this year’s

planned globally to encourage the public and media to acknowledge

demonstration – a Call for Climate, where millions of people were encouraged to call

and appreciate the Earth’s environment, in a bid to help the masses understand the need for respect and change. In a movement launched nearly four decades ago, businesses and individuals come together to lift the status of environmental issues to the world stage.

Congress to ask them to enact tough and fair climate change legislation.

A-list musicians and actors, public figures, politicians and community leaders gathered to support a series of major festivals across the USA and world, including events in

Many events encouraged the public to do something beneficial themselves, from using less energy by switching off light bulbs, to cycling to the event, instead of driving; and others were set up to showcase environmentally friendly products and services that were in support of Earth Day and its values. The Green Means Go event in Beverly Hills took advantage of The

New York, Buenos Aires, Barcelona, San Francisco, Caracas, Chicago, Tokyo, Denver, Los Angeles, Miami, Dallas and Russia,

Beverly Hills Film Festival focus, to bring to the limelight to companies with green concerns and attention to sustainable living,

including a flagship event in Washington featuring performances by Doug-E-Fresh, will. i.am and the Thievery Corporation.

with EcoLimo providing a hybrid limo service to and from the event, organic food and drink, and a gift bag full of luxury ecologically aware items. Attended by guests such as Corey Feldman and Lady Victoria Hervey, and set against a soundtrack provided by celebrity DJ Catherine McQueen, the event made awareness fun and attractive whilst still highlighting the issues.

With each year aiming for a greater number of occasions, attended by more people, with more impact and cause for change, the concept seems continuing to grow, to a place where hopefully, everyone and their respective governments will realise our responsibilities for difference to preserve our world.

For more info visit www.earthday.net

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you were at

30,000 feet...

Darren D, Kimberly Moore & Michael Madsen

1 woman started an elite members club 12 months ago, limited to just 300 of the world’s finest people. To date over 160 individuals each worth over $1,000,000 have joined, including 10 A-list stars and 15 royalty, paying annual subscriptions of $8,000 to attend 6 exclusive black-tie events.

W

elcome to the

invitation-only club, to rekindle

Award nominees also have joined

Echelon Club.

the glamour and prestige of old

the set, proving that Echelon is the

Hollywood, whilst raising awareness

next big status symbol.

Launched last

and money for her favourite charities,

year at the Cannes Film Festival and

including Children Uniting Nations

Kimberly Moore clearly has a

the Monaco Grand Prix, the newly

and the Make A Wish Foundation.

passion for what she does and

formed Echelon Club has amassed

mixes in all the right circles to

quite a following. Founder Kimberly

The Echelon Club members can

achieve it. “There is currently a

Moore had a strong charity events

expect a bi-monthly black-tie ball

waiting list to join” she explains.

background in New York, and when

at some of the world’s most alluring

Is it worth the wait? If the events

one attendee highlighted the fact

locations, and regular invites to

are even half as glamorous and

that very rich, busy and powerful

other exclusive events, such as

captivating as its organiser, then

people often flew into town just for

gallery openings and dinners, not

it definitely looks that way.

her parties, she realised she had

to mention discounts on their

quite a knack.

favourite luxuries including private jets. Recently, the US launch at one

For more information and to apply, visit

Moving to Los Angeles inspired

of the hottest Oscar parties in LA

www.theechelonclub.com

Kimberly to start a high-profile,

ensured that many of the Academy

110 | AIRCREW UAE

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Whilst you were at

30,000feet...

By Darren D.

1 man spent 2 years loitering on 15 different airlines, to capture 55 images. 20 of these shots were displayed over 21 days in June 2008, with only 9 or less editions of each available, at prices up to $4750. Welcome to Flight Attendants by Brian Finke.

A walk around the Stephen Cohen gallery in Los Angeles, glass of

Brian spent two years perfecting his insight of the air travel experience, taking

chardonnay in hand, afforded a familiar sight this June, not only for myself,

in the camaraderie, social groupings, professional detail, and human interaction

being involved in this industry, but for every person who has ever travelled by air. Brian Finke’s new photography collection, following in the “activity & role” themes of his previous compilations (including Cheerleading, Most Muscular, and Frat Boys), documents Flight Attendants in a combination of staged and candid shots, giving our much-adored profession a spotlight it rarely receives.

of Attendants of airlines, spanning from the renowned Icelandair, to the perhaps more quirky Hooters-Air (an airline based on the popular themed ladies/beer/chicken-wings restaurant); the result being unsurprisingly an aesthetically pleasing array of shots, showcasing the immaculate hair, makeup, uniforms, and uniformity of those who volunteer themselves to the transient lifestyle.

The limited edition prints for sale, at prices between $2650 and $4750 capture situations and moments from make-up application to safety demonstrations; downtime recreation to training facilitation, each retaining that stamp of authenticity that only Aircrew have.

Finke has also produced a book of the entire collection of shots, which he thinks captures the “intrigue, allure and peculiarity” of the much-recognised hostesses of the air.

When quizzed whether his motives were to spend time around a profession that is known for its beautiful and presentable staff, he quips, and offers a hint to his next collection: “Well, my wife noticed the same thing, so the next group I’ll be following are Construction Workers!”. I’m just glad there were no builders bums featured in this gallery!

For more info visit www.brianfinke.com

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aircrew UAE

Whilst you

were at

30,000 feet...

By Darren D.

6 passengers and 1 pilot cruise at 50mph, 1500 feet above ground, whilst people below read messages produced by 82,656 lights. At 192 feet long, these American icons fly more than 6000 hours annually and have done so since 1925. Welcome to the Goodyear Blimp.

For the last 82 years, the US skies have been familiar with the sight of a huge airship adorned with the logo of the famous Goodyear Tires company.

The Blimps are regularly seen hovering above popular tourist destinations, major events and sports games, often carrying public information messages and advertising on its side, thanks to the huge matrix of LED lights attached.

For more info visit www.goodyearblimp.com

30

aircrew UAE

There are currently three Blimps in use (based in California, Ohio, and Florida) but over the years Goodyear have built more than 300 of these graceful giants. The Blimp is powered by helium, and has no internal structure, so it actually maintains its shape from the changes in atmospheric pressure and air. The pilot controls the craft with a mix of air valves, rudder pedals, and an elevator wheel, and the Blimp does not rise like a hot-air balloon, but

rather takes off at almost a 90 degree angle to reach altitude of 1500 feet, and nose-dives for landing.

The Blimp often carries hi-tech TV camera equipment to catch the latest sporting action that you may see televised, and only carries 6 passengers plus the pilot. We experienced incredible views as we soared over the coastline in California, at a height enough to feel detached from the world below, but still close enough to catch minute detail.

As there are such limited Blimps in existence, they do not offer public rides, which is a shame, but the possibility of a trip is still open to major customers of Goodyear, charities, or members of the media. So if you want a weekend trip like I had, start burning some serious rubber, or steal my job, and you might just find yourself surveying the skies.

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Whilst you were at

30,000feet...

By Darren D.

9000 villagers welcomed 30,000 visitors on the 27th day of August.

At 11am they were armed with 125,000 kilos of ripe fruit, for a battle lasting 2 hours, a tradition which began in 1945.

Welcome to La Tomatina.

Every year, the villagers of Bunyol, Spain see their population quadrupled, as international visitors flock in, to take part in probably one of the most fun and juvenile traditions there could possibly be. Having breakfasted on customary Mediterranean fare (with no doubt the odd glass of Sangria to boot), the new guests gather on the streets for the annual largest tomato fight in the world.

Battle commences at 11am, with provisions of ammunition of approximately one million ripe tomatoes. The streets turn into a free for all, with everyone as your enemy, and very few rules – you simply must squish your tomato before throwing, and it’s the only thing you are allowed to throw. The craziness continues for a full two hours, with the resulting scene reminiscent of your favourite horror movie.

All red and messy, the participants adjourn to the riverside for showers, before the shopkeepers take down their boards and protective sheets. Camaraderie begins with everyone chipping in for the clean up process and hosing down the streets, and no doubt continues late into the night, with

28

aircrew UAE

the culminating festivities of a week long celebration of Bunyol’s patron Saint.

The tradition apparently began back in 1945, when a group of locals got carried away in a restaurant food fight. Instead of being chastised for their inappropriate behaviour, it seems the town embraced the idea, turning it into one of Europe’s most bizarre and amusing traditions. So, if no tomato allergies are present, and your playground dodgeball skills were second to none, book yourself a spot for this year’s upcoming Tomatina.

For more info visit www.latomatina.es

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Whilst

you were at

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100 artists played in concerts lasting for 24 hours, across 7 continents on 07/07/07 with exposure to 2 billion people, whilst simultaneously 10,000 supportive “friend” events were held in over 130 countries.

Welcome to Live Earth

For more info visit www.liveearth.org

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aircrew UAE

The brainchild of long-running climate change campaigner Al Gore, and Kevin Wall, the worldwide executive producer of the Live 8 concerts, Live Earth aimed to introduce the problems of climate crisis to the world and promote an ongoing change in behaviour, long after the final song of the concert series that took place in early July.

Changing to fluorescent bulbs, planting trees, installing home solar power, recycling paper, flying less, turning your computer off at night, eating less meat, reusing hotel towels, carpooling, not leaving appliances on standby, banking online, working at home, and riding a bike are all some of the ideas that the Live Earth website is urging us all to do, to participate in the change.

With simultaneous concerts worldwide in New York, London, Sydney, Tokyo, Johannesburg, Rio De Janeiro, Shanghai and Hamburg, artists including Jack Johnson, Linkin Park, Joss Stone, Kelly Clarkson, Bon Jovi, Madonna, The Chilli Peppers and Kanye West joined together to highlight the issues of concern we face for our planet, and to draw attention to the small everyday things we can all do to reduce our carbon emissions and stop contributing to the climate disaster.

The concerts were watched by 2 billion people worldwide, and were downloaded by 8 million people alone on the MSN website.

That kind of audience will ensure that Gore and Co. will be happy to continue their multi-year plan of these events to achieve their reduction objectives – but you can’t help wonder how much energy all that sound and lighting used!

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30,000 feet...

1780 artists and DJs joined 4000 industry professionals and 700 journalists for 280 performance events held at 85 venues across 6 days, attended by 40,000 music enthusiasts for the 22nd year of this Florida showcase.

W

elcome to

cry from the dingy clubs that many

Dyk, Fatboy Slim, Carl Cox and John

the Miami

of these patrons are used to, but at

Digweed, before a well-deserved

Winter Music

$435 a person to attend, the glamour

chillout period in the Florida sunshine.

Conference.

stakes are higher, with all attendees getting a glimpse of the life that

So, if the idea of spending a week of

Every year over 20,000 Miami hotel

the world’s finest artists are usually

no sleep, learnin’ sum skillz, throwing

rooms are booked by danceheads

enjoying. The week allows all aspects

some shapes, sweating your box off,

across the globe, as they all flock

of the industry to get together and

in a sea of eternal gurners appeals,

to what the industry regards as the

advance, from artists, to managers,

then pack a case with your favourite

singular networking event in Dance

to promoters, to labels, clubs,

glow sticks now, and get yourself

Music. An equal excuse to learn

and fans.

signed up for next year’s event – or

and party, the event incorporates

get back in that bedroom studio for

seminars, workshops, exhibitions,

The event culminates in a celebrity-

the next big MP3 remix, and who

and of course non-stop nightly

filled awards ceremony, followed by

knows, you might even be on the bill.

events, showcasing the best DJ and

a two-day “mash up” known as the

dance talent of the current time.

Ultra Music Festival. Renowned as

To find out more about

the largest music festival of its kind

the WMC see www.

Centred around the luxurious Miami

in the US, you can be entertained by

Beach Resort and Spa, it seems a far

the likes of heavyweights Paul Van

72 | AIRCREW UAE

wintermusicconference.com

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Whilst you

were at

30,000 feet...

By Darren D.

100,000 men will grow moustaches, in a bid to raise $15m for prostate cancer charities. The campaign, started in 2003 by 2 Australian friends, now spreads across 7 countries, attracts 15 million website visitors and culminates in 18 gala parties attended by 25,000 guests. Welcome to the month of Movember.

During a lazy Sunday afternoon four years ago, a couple of friends decided that there was a dual need for a) the moustache to make a comeback, and b) raising awareness of prostate cancer.

After encouraging thirty of their buddies and colleagues to grow a “Mo’ (Australian slang for moustache) during the month of November, the Movember campaign was born.

For more info and to register, visit www.movember.com

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The initiative aims to really highlight the issue of male prostate cancer, at a similar level to the attention given to other forms of cancer in the public eye. Statistics show that one in six men will encounter this issue in their lifetime, and the “Mo Bros” are creating a focus and talking point, all whilst raising much needed funds to help prevent, detect and treat the disease. Those wishing to participate can register at the top of the month with a clean shaven face, and then

proceed to grow and groom their Mo, spreading the word and raising money as they go. Supported by their ‘Mo Sistas’ (women who encourage their guys to cultivate some top-lip fuzz), one of them will be crowned “Man of Movember” in a Zoolander-style runway face-off at the funfilled gala party.

The campaign now takes place in Australia, New Zealand, the UK, the UAE, the USA, Canada and Spain, meaning there is plenty of chance to get involved. The organisation even produces a Style Guide with twelve different types of moustache, in case you were wondering what will suit you best.

So guys, start getting prickly, and ladies, if you prefer your men more Tom Selleck than Tom Cruise, get out there and show some love during the month of Movember.

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Whilst you were at

30,000feet...

By Darren D.

1,000,000 runners covered 10k courses throughout 25 cities across the world on August 31. Using 2 methods to track global progress, they raised money for 3 charities and clocked up 1000’s of miles in training.

Welcome to the Nike+Human Race.

Following a number of successful

The wireless system allows a sensor placed

10k races throughout urban centres worldwide, in 2008, sports brand Nike decided to bring the nations together running simultaneously in the world’s biggest race – The Human Race. Taking part on organised routes in 25 different cities, including New York, Paris, Seoul, Singapore,

in the running shoe to monitor your every step, delivering data including your distance, time, pace and calories burned either to a SportBand on your wrist for you to see, or direct to your iPod earphones for you to hear intermittently between music. This means that you can track your progress against other

London, Madrid, Warsaw and Mexico City, runners outside of these metropolises can also compete using the technology of the Nike+system.

runners and The Human Race entirely, no matter where you are in the world.

For runners in organised locations, training runs take place almost nightly, allowing participants to get in to shape, whilst seeing their city’s landscapes through predetermined routes, where you can also test out the latest footwear Nike has to offer.

Registration for the races also benefits three different charities – Livestrong, the Lance Armstrong Foundation; WWF, the World Wildlife Fund (not the wrestlers!) and ninemillion.org, the UN refugee children’s organisation.

In return for all that exercise, runners are not only rewarded with a healthy active summer but also a major concert finale at the finish line, ranging from Kanye West at The Coliseum in LA, Kelly Rowland in Paris, The All American Rejects in NYC, and Pendulum and Moby at Wembley Stadium London.

For more info visit www.nikeplus.com

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Whilst you

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A venue with 20,000 seats and 11 cinema screens opened its doors, to play host to over 150 music and sports events per year, culminating in the 2012 Olympics. With over 20 restaurants and bars, and the ability to pour a 7 second pint, the 548 toilets may come in handy. Welcome to the o2 Arena.

For more info visit www.theo2.co.uk

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One of the biggest PR lemons of modern times, the Millennium Dome recently reinvented itself as Europe’s premier entertainment complex, after many years of altered developments, fluctuating plans, and yo-yoing deals. The final

has it all in one place, but attracts a decent quality of entertainment.

decision to launch the o2 Arena, was met with an impressive cast list ready to play to the crowds – concerts by Justin Timberlake, The Rolling Stones, Bon Jovi, Elton John amongst others. During the month of August, Prince played an incredible 21-date run, and was rumoured to have had a special house built alongside the venue, just for his time there.

– a concept which 1.8m people went to visit in the early 70’s. 1000 tons of sand has also been imported to make a themed beach area for kids by day, and a beach bar area for adults by night, complete with fake moonlight.

What seems to be going for Vegas novelty could end up being Linekers Bar Magaluf cheese – that remains to be seen! But with the weather in the UK as up and down as it is, a little guaranteed beach-time will probably not go amiss. Conveniently situated right on top of North Greenwich tube station on the Jubilee line, public transport is the best way to travel, as parking spaces are few and extortionate in price. But considering the scale of artists scheduled to perform, a trip is probably on the cards, once you see your current and past heroes playing a venue that will definitely rival the new Wembley for those too lazy / scared / anti-north London to cross the River!

Not just a concert venue, the new o2 also has an impressive list of bars and restaurants to visit – quite typically a lot of the usual generic high street staples such as Nandos and Slug & Lettuce, but also peppered with a few independents, including some local offshoots from neighbouring Greenwich. Add this to the new Vue cinema complex, with the biggest screen in London, set to host many premieres, and you have the out-of-town retail park concept all grown up – a venue which

There are also special events being scheduled for the o2 bubble space, which will first house the Tutankhamun exhibition

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Whilst you were at

30,000feet...

By Darren D.

64 teams travelled 3750km at 30mph using a 150cc engine, each raising at least £1000 for charity. The 15 day excursion takes place 3 times a year – an idea which began in 2006.

Welcome to The Rickshaw Run.

“pimped” by a local mechanic before they arrive, just by providing sketches by email,

The world of motoring created

so that they can customise everything from the colour scheme, to the accessories such as a sound system or a cricket bat holder – essential for Indian travel!

SUV’s and off-road vehicles shockingly enough not for gas-guzzling Americans on freeways, but to drive through the highest and hardest terrain. The Rickshaw on the other hand, was created for short trips in small towns, which is why the triannual Rickshaw Run from the Southern tip of India to Kathmandu at 17,000 feet elevation is such

The 2008 event was such a success that the first two runs in 2009 are already sold out, but they will soon announce the Autumn edition. To take part, teams pay an entry

a challenge. Teams of one to four people, depending on how cramped they want to be, navigate their motorised rickshaw over two weeks through huge mountains, dirt tracks, tropical jungles and monsoons on a vague and

fee of £615 and have to raise a minimum of £1000 for charity. The charities that benefit are Frank Water Projects, Mercy Corps and SOS Children’s Villages, an orphan’s charity. So, if

loosely planned route of adventure.

you fancy trekking across India in a motorised box to get in all sorts of bother, and benefit the world, then you know where to start.

The idea is the brainchild of a group called The Adventurists, whose mission is “fighting to make the world less boring” by encouraging people to get out there into the world, get into sticky situations and live the adventure of getting out of them – a concept they describe as “glorious mayhem”.

After attempting randomly to travel from the Czech Republic to Mongolia in a beaten-up old Fiat, the trip spawned the Mongol Rally, which later gave way to a similar idea using rickshaws.

For more info, see www.theadventurists.com

The Rickshaws are three-wheeled machines, only capable of a top speed of 30mph, and really offer little protection from danger or the elements. Teams can have their rickshaws aircrew UK

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Whilst

Image courtesy of John M. Heller

you were at

30,000 feet...

`RYRPa TbR`a` S_\Z aUR `\PVNY R[aR_aNV[ZR[a N[Q Ob`V[R`` d\_YQ` V[PYbQV[T " C6=` ]NVQ ORadRR[ " N[Q a\ NaaR[Q N[ RcR[a U\]V[T a\ _NV`R \cR_ a\ Sb[Q NZ\[T`a \aUR_ aUV[T` N `PU\\Y S\_ & ]b]VY` V[ :\_\PP\ DRYP\ZR a\ CV_TV[ B[VaRà ` ž?\PX AUR 8N`ONU¿ On July 2nd, 300 generous guests attended a very special event, hosted in the famed Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel, known as the birthplace of the Academy Awards. Starting off with an exclusive VIP reception in the hotel’s luxurious penthouse and roof terrace, the aim of the evening was to bring together the rich and famous to spotlight a charity project which will help change the lives of local residents in Morocco.

To find out more about the cause visit www.virginunite. com/rockthekasbah

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A team of over 20 Hollywood residents including Aircrew’s Darren Darnborough, Miranda House, Fiona Whitney, Amanda Price and Avi Sills formed a Committee headed by Tim Souris to produce the event on behalf of Eve Branson, mother of Sir Richard Branson of Virgin. Ms Branson began working with the villages local to the Virgin-owned Kasbah Tamadot Hotel, to develop income generating projects for its residents, and is now in the process of building a school for children aged 3-6.

The event featured a reception, sit-down dinner, a silent auction, a live auction by Christies, and a special introduction by Sir Richard and Eve themselves, to an audience comprising of many influential people and celebrities, with invited guests ranging from Buzz Aldrin, to Forest Whitaker, to Minnie Driver, to Rod Stewart.

The evening culminated with a live Moroccan dance performance and a special intimate acoustic set by the hit singer Jewel.

Guests bid thousands of dollars for rare auction items including a flight with a fighter pilot, a Paul Smith wall hanging, and an exclusive London holiday with first-class Virgin flights, a top hotel stay and a guided tour of London’s landmark’s in Virgin’s history – the original offices, Sir Richard’s houseboat, and the modern HQ, all with the aim of helping people in Morocco help themselves to generate critical income for their families.

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Whilst you

were at

30,000 feet...

By Darren D.

2 men, on the morning of the 19th World AIDS day, embarked on a 510 mile run, over 14 days to highlight 1 message, which is to test 1,000,000 Black Americans by National HIV Testing Day in 2009. Welcome to Run In A Million.

Thinking long and hard about what he could do as an individual towards the fight against AIDS, Mike Sacco, a young runner from Vermont, came up with the idea of combining his passion of running with the mission to raise awareness of the necessity of AIDS testing throughout the US. He enlisted the help of fellow marathon runner Lejon Boudreaux, and with his team and concept in place, began working with the Black AIDS Institute, and the “Test 1 million” campaign, to achieve their objective.

The two runners began at the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco at sunrise on December 1st 2007, and over the next two weeks, made their way down the idyllic Californian coastline, passing through communities, including Santa Cruz, Big Sur, Santa Barbara and Malibu, before ending up at Nike Town in Beverly Hills, the lead corporate sponsor for the event.

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The pair were also in good hands, as they were joined on selected days by ultramarathoner Dean Karnazes, who recently ran 50 marathons in all 50 states in 50 consecutive days. Named as one of the “Top 100 Most Influential People In The World” by Time Magazine, Karnazes certainly helped bring exposure to the cause, as the runners also participated in a variety of local activities at the end of each day.

With an estimated 1.2 million Americans living with HIV/AIDS, the need to highlight the issue of testing seems extremely paramount, and Mike Sacco’s mantra of “one person making a difference” hopefully resonated amongst the many people that his journey touched. After 510 miles of running, you would definitely hope that he and his supporters were running towards something.

For more details about the cause, see www.BlackAIDS.org

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Whilst you

were at

30,000 feet...

By Darren D.

More than 500 staff met over 30 promotion and modelling agencies over 9 hours in 1 day. As part of 5 nationwide events a year, over 40,000 members are invited from 1 website, in a concept that is now in its 3rd year. Welcome to the StuckForStaff.com Open Days.

On a rare sunny February day in Canary Wharf, London, the very best promotional and field marketing staff made their way to the first StuckForStaff Open Day of the year. The attendees travelled far and wide from across

mix of looks, presentation, intelligence, professionalism and personality, and for the staff, it was a simple and productive way of either entering an industry that they were new to, or keeping up the rapport necessary to get the better work.

the UK, in order to meet and interview with the UK’s leading agencies that provide work in the Promotion and Modelling sectors.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, so the day culminated in the agencies,

Over thirty agencies set up shop for the day, for a busy period of selection, all vying to get the very best staff on their books for upcoming campaigns – launch parties, festivals, events and exhibitions, checking out who will be the best face and ambassador to represent their clients’ brands.

Ranging from traditional modelling agencies, to those offering hostessing and hospitality at sports events, to mystery shopping and auditing work, the jobs on offer were all shortterm or contractual, often just days ad-hoc, making it perfect for Aircrew during downtime, many of which were in attendance. Agencies on the day were looking for a complete

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attendees and operators of the website informally networking over a cocktail or three at nearby Smollenskys bar, after a successful day that is set to repeat regionally with days scheduled in Manchester, Bristol, Edinburgh and Birmingham. Perfect for anyone used to working with the public, the events allow people interested in Promotional work to extend their contacts, and give some variety to the working week, whether self-employed or in a job with flexible hours, and is not without perks, as the freebies on the day denoted! For more info and dates visit www.stuckforstaff.com

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Whilst you

were at

30,000 feet...

By Darren D.

Over 3000 snow-lovers will descend upon an Austrian resort for 7 days to ski and board 639km of piste, accessed by 167 lifts, whilst being entertained by over 50 acts and DJs. 150 VIPs will even get to party at 6500 feet in a mountain-top venue made of ice. Welcome to Snowbombing.

If you’ve never taken to the slopes, it can be a magical experience.

Those that learn to ski or snowboard usually find themselves addicted very quickly – not only to the daytime activity, but the social phenomenon of après-ski: the art of having a great time after the mountains close.

What better place to indulge in both than Mayrhofen in Austria, which this year between the 9th- 15th April plays host to the Snowbombing festival – a kind of classy Glastonbury in the snow. Bringing together the hottest world class DJs, musicians and party promoters, they will take over the resort for a week-long party stretching across the streets, nightclubs and mountains.

The 2008 line-up includes classic acts such as Madness and DJs The Cuban Brothers, The Scratch Perverts and Annie Mac, hosting recognisable club nights and parties across many venues. The Arctic Disco is a venue made entirely of snow, where a select few revellers will get to sip cocktails in clear ice glasses, frolic in a hot-tub, or chill under blankets in the Ice Cinema.

There is also an Arctic Hotel where guests can sleep over in one of ten igloos decorated with sheepskin rugs. For those after a little more traditional relaxation, the Strass Spa in the heart of the festival offers a haven of peace and recuperation, with a variety of massage and beauty treatments.

With one of the most impressive piste maps in the world, the resort is great for everyone from novice to pro, and what you may lack in skills on the slopes can certainly be made up for in the bars afterwards.

So forget about working out and applying your tinted moisturiser for another summer in the Med – dig out the goggles, gloves and glow sticks, and get yourself to the snow for a week you won’t forget… or perhaps won’t even remember!

Snowbombing takes place between 9th – 15th April 2008. For more info visit www.snowbombing.com

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Whilst you

were at

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By Darren D.

1000’s of people will visit 7 festivals across the UK & Ireland, each spanning 3 days, and incorporating 6 special seminars. In London, the flagship event will showcase 40 restaurants, and 140 food & drink exhibitors, taking the traditional 3-courser to a new level.

Welcome to Taste.

During the summer months, city parks across the UK will play host to a series of festivals which take a traditional picnic in the park to a whole new gourmet level. Thousands of people

meaning you can take in various starters, main courses and desserts across the range, all purchased with the festival’s specially created currency, The Crown. Celebrity chefs are also on hand for masterclasses,

will gather to sample the very best cuisine from their local restaurants, and wines and beverages from discerning vintners, all against a backdrop of outdoor scenery and live music.

tasting sessions, food and wine pairings and demonstrations, and the finest local produce is available to buy from the Producers Market, for you to cook up a storm back at home.

The Taste Festivals are sponsored by British Airways, and begin their tour at the end of May in Edinburgh, then visiting Leeds, Dublin, London, Cork and Bath, ending up in Birmingham. For three days, a variety of top restaurants set up camp, to offer sample portions of their signature fare, including top names and Michelin-starred venues, such as L’Atelier du Joel Robuchon, The Star Inn, Bath Priory and Simpsons.

The concept allows visitors to get a “taste” of the dining options available in their city,

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If you love to check out new restaurants, but are concerned about going somewhere unfamiliar and spending your hard-earned cash, through fear of disappointment, then Taste is the perfect opportunity to road-test the options. Tickets can be purchased in advance, and is advisable as numbers are limited. Equally as important is to make sure you save ample stomach space, as once you are immersed in the centre of all this culinary action, you are bound to wish your eyes weren’t bigger than your belly.

For more info visit www.channel4.com/taste

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Whilst you were at

By Darren D.

30,000feet...

1000s of humans from 96 cities in 12 countries simultaneously danced on October 25th at 97 separate events, aiming to improve the world record of 147 dancers and 500 zombie extras, and to smash the holy grail of 197,569 students doing the hokey pokey.

Welcome to Thrill The World.

In 2005, Ines Markeljevic

networking” site, kind of a Facebook for the undead…. There is also an official DVD to learn

misunderstood an article headline, believing she had missed a mass public dance display of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. After realising that she hadn’t, and with a visionary

from, official attire to wear on the day, and of course followings on the major websites such as MySpace, Facebook and Digg. Even the Big Brother contestants in the UK have been

optimism from her Landmark Forum course attendance, she figured if it hadn’t been done, then she should do it. The dance and fitness instructor set about creating the first event in Toronto, which resulted in the first Guinness

seen Thrillering up the house. Now in its 9th season, I’m sure they needed to somehow wake it up a little from the grave!

World Record for the Largest Thriller Dance of 62 people and 3.2 million media impressions worldwide.

3 years on, the occasion has become a landmark event itself, with a cult following of zombies around the globe, all doing their bit for the dance. Raising money for charity, and attempting to continually approve on world records, there are now various organisers that take care of local happenings, and people of all ages and abilities joined in perfectly, thanks to the guides and demonstrations on the website and training days held in the run up to the big day.

So far, the creator Ines has befriended friends of Michael Jackson, taught the Thriller dance all over the world, and garnered the support of Crawl Of The Dead – an online “zombie social

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For more info and to take part next year visit www.thrilltheworld.com

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Whilst you were at

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By Darren D.

An AED 2.9 billion building, standing 270m high with 62 storeys was added to a $30b dollar real estate portfolio. 378 hotel rooms and a SkyBar with 360 degree panoramic ocean views will complete the 2011 launch, marked by 4 exclusive parties.

Welcome to Trump International Tower & Hotel Dubai.

Teaming together two major powerhouses in real estate development will definitely secure some impressive results, and that is exactly what was in mind when Donald Trump joined forces with Nakheel to make his mark on the expanding metropolis of Dubai. The Trump International Hotel & Tower is his latest addition to the sprawling shores, offering the confident tagline “Believing Is Seeing”.

The new tower will sit majestically in the centre of the man-made Palm Jumeirah Island, which was developed off Dubai’s coast, adding 100% to its coastline.

Consisting of mixed use facilities, from 45,000 square feet of retail units, 12 exclusive townhouses, 60,000 square feet of office space, 385 condos and 378 hotel rooms and suites, this glittering landmark will offer luxury destination attractions including fine dining, Atlantis, Cirque Du Soleil, and panoramic views of the Arabian Gulf.

Decadent parties have been planned and held in London, Dubai, New York and Los Angeles to educate the local A-list and glitterati on the complex, but were not launch parties – Trump himself declared they were simply a celebration of the development’s success with the majority of units already sold. No expense was spared to support this, as at the Los Angeles event on a huge Bel-Air estate, we drank the finest champagne and blueberry martinis; feasted on salmon and truffle ravioli; were entertained by a live performance by none other than diva Christina Aguilera and DJ Pete Wentz; and received an iPod Touch in the gift bag.

The development received exposure through an interactive model, projected films on a specially created cinema dome, and a large Lego replica of the building. Celebrities were out in full force, including Hilary Swank, Lucy Liu, Orlando Bloom, Hayden Panetierre, Aaron Eckhart, Piers Morgan and of course The Donald himself. An evening of extravagance was indeed very fitting for the location in question and the people involved.

For more info visit www.trumpdubai.com

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regular Whilst

you were at

30,000 feet...

10 Footballers’ Wives spent 6 months in preparation to open 2 boutiques in London.

Over the next 13 weeks, they will attract 100’s of customers, and take £1000’s in sales, whilst being filmed 24/7 by ITV2.

W

elcome to the

London’s Carnaby Street, meet

Clairey by Design, the stores will be

Wags Boutique.

the girls in question, and purchase

a great place to discover items to

The World Cup

personally selected garments from

help you dress like a star, and aren’t

phenomenon

one of the neighbouring competing

found on the H&M masses. You

that was the WAGs (Wives And

outlets, not to mention risk taking

can even glam up your trademark

Girlfriends) has taken a new turn.

part in this season’s hottest new

Chihuahua with a bejewelled dog

It seems the British public were no

TV show.

collar from sought-after pet fashion

longer satisfied simply watching

label Mintfox.

them shop. Clearly we want to

Miss Justin Hoyte (Arsenal) and

shop with them.

pals are heading up Bows, whilst

All proceeds go to the most profitable

next door Jadene Bircham and

store’s favourite charity, so whether

ITV2’s new reality offering allows

army (Elle Isaac, Charlotte Mears,

you’re in the market for a posh new

exactly that. Not always known

Cassie Sumner, Heather Swan)

frock, or even perhaps a footballer,

for their taste or panache in other

are alluring visitors to “The Better

you’ll be sure to find both at the

areas, you can’t fail to notice that

Half” (an ironic name, when you

Wags Boutique, and still be doing

Ms. Beckham and friends can

consider the skill, wages, status and

your bit. Dress for the cameras,

actually be quite inspiring when it

adulation of the traditional “worse

peroxide optional!

comes to fashion. There’s definitely

half” in this relationship…) Stocking

no mistaking that the WAGs are

an attractively limited collection of

seldom out of our style glossies.

elite couture, lingerie and accessory

Well, now you can head to

designers such as Corsellis and

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To find out more about the Boutiques see www.itv.com/wags

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Whilst you

were at

30,000 feet...

By Darren D.

500,000 people took to the streets along historic Route 66 in West Hollywood on October 31st. Amongst 3 stages of live entertainment, 20 “best costume” bracelets were handed out over 4 hours, finalising in a $1000 prize, to mark the 20th year of this event. Welcome to Halloween in Hollywood.

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Halloween is a really big deal in America, and no place is it bigger than in WeHo – West Hollywood.

Every year, the city hosts a massive Halloween Carnival and Street Party at the centre of LA’s gay community, with hundreds of thousands dressed in full costume, enjoying live entertainment, bars and parties, food vendors and celebrity appearances.

As the night progresses, every major nightclub, bar, hotel, and Hollywood mansion is transformed into a haunted setting, to continue the party into the early hours. Even the historic Magic Castle, the members-only club, interspersed its magicians’ performances with spooky additions, and dropped its tuxedo and cocktail dress policy to encourage costumed fun.

Billed as the World’s Biggest Street Party, Santa Monica Boulevard is closed off for a stretch between Hollywood and Beverly Hills, to make way for the revellers. Anything goes at this party – the costumes range from the weird to the wonderful, and they don’t just have to be scary. It seems a time for the guys to go crazy and for the girls to wear as little as possible! The atmosphere is incredible as the people flood in, comparing costumes, whilst taking in the fun of the festival.

The day after the huge event actually feels like New Years Day – the quiet comedown of the city, knowing that everyone was out the night before and rolled into bed at an unearthly hour. It seems an unwritten rule that bosses give their staff some slack on November 1st, so probably the best time to take that long overdue sickie!

For more info visit www.visitwesthollywood.com

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Whilst you

were at

30,000 feet...

By Darren D.

210 films involving 15 Oscar nominees, selected from 8731 submissions, from 34 different countries, were screened in Utah over a period of 11 days.

More than 50000 people checked out 87 World Premieres, and 100’s of parties in the 24th annual celebration of celluloid.

Welcome to the Sundance Film Festival.

Each January, the quaint ski resort Park City, Utah, is overtaken

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Paralleling the main festival was the alternative film event Slamdance, and Chefdance, a

by film-makers, aficionados to celebrate the best independent film-making, a concept devised by Robert Redford.

Sundance really does seem a tale of two festivals though - one for exposure and commemoration of quality film-making; the other an excuse for unrelated Hollywood socialites to party, given Utah’s proximity

fantastic concept staged within nightclub Harryo’s. A different celebrity chef flown in nightly prepared dinner for 200 elite guests the hottest ticket in town, securing your place alongside the movers and shakers.

to California. The film circuit incorporates a number of theatres, spread between Park City, and neighbouring Salt Lake city. These showed a refreshing mix of indie narratives and documentaries, with various budgets, including the laugh / cry hit “Henry Poole Is Here” – Mark Pellington’s latest, starring Luke Wilson, with great quirky and natural performances, and stunning cinematography

by Eric Schmidt. The party circuit was omnipresent, incorporating events highlighting each film’s launch, award or sale, interspersed with celebrity night haunts from LA setting up camp in the snow to reinforce branding on their clientele’s travel, including performances from 50 Cent, Foo Fighters, John Legend and Patti Smith.

products for celebrities to keep and endorse.

Standout suites included the uber-trendy House of Hype, gifting Puma, Havaianas, and Oakley; GBK Lounge, showcasing fashion, skincare and wellbeing to an impressive A-list clientele; and Green Lodge by Friends in High Places and SMG, featuring ecofriendly wares, culminating in an exclusive dinner by Vox restaurant and Lust Zinfandel..

Ski conditions were also perfect with fresh snowfall most evenings, and next to no-one on the slopes, making for formidable runs.

With all these other activities going on, was there time to watch independent film, you ask? Go next year and see for yourself, is the only correct answer!

For more info visit www.sundance.org

The modern Hollywood tradition of Gift Suites ruled Main Street, presenting complimentary

charity

My Current Good Cause

Action

for Children

People helping people that like help from people.

What do they do?

Action For Children supports and speaks out for the most vulnerable children and young people in the UK. Formerly the National Children’s Home, they help nearly 170,000 children and their families through up to 450 projects across the UK, and promote social justice by lobbying and campaigning for change.

How do they do that?

Providing support services in four main areas – family support, young people, children in care and disabled services – they cover the spectrum to offer total assistance. This includes highly specialised advice, education and training, practical help, therapy, residential centres and respite care through to fostering schemes, all with a common goal of improving For more information, the lives of children with specialist needs and please visit those affected by them. Action For Children is www.actionforchildren.org.uk also a registered adoption agency.

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How can YOU help?

Attend fundraising events, from social happenings to community events to runs and challenges.

Campaign with the charity and support their cause.

Set up a strategic partnership through your company or business.

Fundraise at your school, university, work or church, or in another group.

Volunteer your time for various roles across the UK, from admin to mentoring.

Adopt or foster a child, or provide a “short break’ to the child in the form of shared care.

Donate money through the website, by phone, or by leaving a legacy.

charity

My Current Good Cause

DEC

(Disasters Emergency Committee) People helping people that like help from people.

What do they do?

The DEC is an umbrella organisation for thirteen different humanitarian aid agencies, which collects and distributes donations and funds appropriately amongst them, and then co-ordinates and unites the agencies’ best efforts in times of world disaster, such as flood, earthquake or famine.

during the 2004 Asian Tsunami, and continue to provide assistance, as they are now doing with the more recent Myanmar Cyclone.

How can YOU help?

Donate money either online or by post.

Deduct a fixed amount from your salary automatically through your company’s payroll.

How do they do that?

By collecting centrally, often in response to a specific national appeal to crises, they are

Run an event or sponsored activity to raise money.

able to maximise funds raised and ensure that they are spent by their member agencies in an effective and fully accountable way. They

Donate shares, or leave a legacy.

also have support by a network of television

Volunteer for a few hours a week in the

and radio broadcasters, banks, national press and other corporations to publicise emergency

London UK office.

situations and raise funds. Because of their size and infrastructure, they are able to mobilise help extremely quickly, as demonstrated

For more information, please visit www.DEC.org.uk

aircrew UK

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charity

My Current Good Cause

TinyStars People helping people that like help from people.

For more information, please visit www.TinyStars.org

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What do they do?

Tiny Stars is an agency that funds a network of undercover operatives to track down the FBI’s most wanted child predators. Former CIA,MI6,Secret Service and KGB agents work with the FBI and US Department of Justice to build investigations on child predators travelling around the world to engage in Child Sex Tourism.

sexual tourists, predators and traffickers, creating a case file which they then hand over to the FBI for prosecution.

How do they do that?

Founded by Jake Collins, after first-hand experience of seeing the misery that trafficking brings to children during a project in Africa, TinyStars exists in order to find and bring those responsible to justice.

How can YOU help?

• YOU can support TinyStars by donating cash as a one-off payment through their website.

• YOU can Adopt-An-Agent either as an individual or group, receiving information, field notes and footage to monitor progress.

• YOU can attend their awareness and fundraising events.

• YOU can become a member of Tiny Stars on Facebook’s Causes application.

• YOU can spread the word of this innovative and practical results-driven charity.

Flaunting the US PROTECT Act of 2003 intended to prevent child abuse, TinyStars develops, recruits and funds a network of experienced undercover agents, to collect evidence through surveillance, photographs, videos and witnesses, about suspected

They are also committed to raising awareness, and educating about this growing problem through community groups, and to supporting policies and legislation designed to eradicate it long term.

charity

My Current Good Cause by Darren D

VirginUnite People helping people that like help from people.

What do they do?

Virgin Unite is the not-for-profit entrepreneurial foundation of the Virgin Group, working with partners around the world to develop new approaches to tough social and environmental issues.

How do they do that?

They identify projects with potential to solve social and environmental issues, help them get started, up and running, and selfsustaining, encouraging the type of positive success that breeds success. They have numerous initiatives, such as Project Clean Water, The Elders and The RE*Generation.

How can YOU help?

Virgin Unite encourages you to Do One Thing: Give Cash to your chosen initiative, either online, by cheque or through your bank.

Fundraise by setting up your own event and raising money.

Attend Events such as Rock The Kasbah (www.RockTheKasbah.com) Give Time by investing your skills, knowledge or hours as a volunteer.

Give Stuff by donating goods and items that the various incentives need.

For more information, please visit www. virginunite.com

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