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March 18, 2017 A Special Supplement to

Cut the Costs of Being a Guest How wedding guests can cut costs and still attend loved ones’ weddings

Gown Guide How to select a comfortable wedding dress

Fun With Photos Mastering the candid shots

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

Whisking away to say, ‘I do’

By Stacie Smith Community Editor

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Make proposals special and successful

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Jewelry care and cleaning guidelines

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Stunning engagement ring alternatives

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Trends in rings & flowers

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Master the wedding save-the-date

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Planning a wedding in 7 weeks for less than $3000

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Treat guests to personalized vows

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Selecting a comfortable wedding gown

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‘I do,’ take two: Guide to a second marriage

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Tips for trimming the wedding guest list

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Wedding photograhy tips

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Different roles for the father of the bride

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Tips for a special mother/son dance

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Weddings and non-traditional families

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Successful toasts help shape social events

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How guests can cut costs and still attend loved ones’ weddings

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7 ways to recycle a wedding gown

Did you know?

According to the 2015 Real Weddings Study from the premier multiplatform wedding resource The Knot, the most popular month for couples to get engaged is December. Sixteen percent of survey respondents became engaged in the final month of the calendar year. The survey also found that the average length of a couple’s engagement is now 14.5 months.

Where June once was the most popular month of the year to tie the knot, today’s couples are now heading down the aisle most often in October. Seventeen percent of weddings now occur in October, closely followed by 15 percent in September. And at what age are couples saying their “I dos”? The average marrying age for a bride is 29 and it is 31 for the groom.

W

hen Megan and Ray Dora of Greenville became engaged in May 2016,they started to discuss how they each envisioned their wedding day. As a child, Megan dreamed of the big, traditional ceremony complete with the white dress. Ray, however, had a different vision in mind preferring a smaller gathering. Their compromise included exchanging vows on the white sands and cerulean waters of the Caribbean this winter, with a large gathering planned for this summer.

While meeting with a physical therapist, Megan mentioned the possibility of getting married abroad. Coincidentally, Megan’s therapist had married abroad in Mexico, planning the excursion online. Being organized and detail oriented, this piqued the interior designer’s interest and landed her at www. destinationweddings.com. Megan found the process of researching and selecting a wedding package to be rather simple.

“It’s actually a 17-page document you get and you just fill out and select from a whole bunch of lists and send it in and you’re done,” Megan said.

Depending on how particular a couple wants to be with the details, packages can be as basic as what is already designed through the website or more customized options that reflect the tastes of the couple. Megan started with a basic package and customized some of the details.

The base package that Megan selected was $3,700 and included: hair and makeup for the bride, steaming the wedding dress and suit, turn down service of the bridal suite with champagne and chocolate covered strawberries and a drawn bath, a romantic dinner on the beach, ceremony with chairs and set up, cocktail hour with 45 minutes of music provided by either a guitarist, violinist or pianist, a three-hour reception with dinner and music, a couples’ massage, breakfast in bed the morning after the wedding, a wedding video, 36 photos of the rehearsal dinner in an album, an assigned wedding coordinator, wedding cake, boutonnieres for the groom and two attendants, two corsages and bridal bouquet and several centerpieces.

Because Megan wanted to reflect a tropical atmosphere, she upgraded her flowers that was bold and colorful. Megan also wanted to hire a trusted photographer whose work she had viewed and opted to fly in Justin Hill of JMH Photography out of Grand Rapids.

The Doras had five locations from which to choose to hold their ceremony. They opted to exchange vows on the beach. With the sun shining down and a warm sea breeze blowing, the two wed under an arch adorned with brightly hued fabric echoed in the flowers. They were steps from the reception and despite there being nearly 150 people close by in the resort’s swimming pool, everything went off flawlessly.

“We had probably 150 people from the resort that were in the pool, drinking, just watching and being quiet, very respectful,” Megan said. “Everyone just wanted to see someone get married.”

Asked if she would recommend a destination wedding, Megan answered emphatically that she would. The real planning began in September once flight tickets were purchased and were completed before Christmas.

Because Megan is very visually oriented, she visited the resort’s Pinterest page to view other weddings that had been planned there and she was able to determine which package to purchase and also what upgrades she ultimately chose.

“It was better than I thought it would be and easier than I thought it would be,” Megan said. “Be prepared to relax — everyone is there to make you happy and they will find you, you don’t have to worry about finding them.”

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THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

For couples interested in getting married abroad, but want more assistance, Genesis Noordyke with Breton Travel has been planning weddings for couples for more than two years. In just the past two months, she has planned three destination weddings and she sees the trend continuing.

More often than not, like the Doras, couples seeking a destination wedding prefer an all-inclusive package that can be purchased as-is or upgraded according to the desires of the couple. Among the most popular locations for local couples to wed are Mexico, Jamaica and Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic, with Mexico topping the list.

Like all couples, budget must be considered. According to www.theknot.com, the average American wedding costs $32,641 but takes into account urban areas where costs are higher. Noordyke echoed Megan’s sentiment that an all-inclusive wedding package is not only cost effective, but also takes some of the stress of making multiple decisions out of the equation.

“Traditional local weddings’ average cost just seems to keep growing,” Noordyke said. “So people are loving the fact that they can get a vacation with their loved ones, as well as the wedding of their dreams and still be looking at less than if they were to do a wedding locally.”

Prerequisites before getting married in the United States, aside from religious requirements, include getting a marriage license. The State of Michigan requires a $20 fee for residents and $30 for non-residents; both parties must apply in person and present valid ID to the county clerk in the county in which at least one person resides, both parties must be at least 18 years old, there is a three-day waiting period after the date of application before the license may be issued or used and the license is valid for 33 days. If getting married outside of the country, couples must learn what is required in order to do so. Because of extensive paperwork, having documents translated into a foreign language and with Mexico requiring blood work, some couples — like the Doras — opt to legally marry in the U.S. and have a symbolic ceremony abroad.

The time it takes to plan a destination wedding can vary depending on the time of year a couple selects, whether they have current passports and how large the ceremony will be. While Mergan planned her wedding over a period of four months, Noordyke recommends starting at least 10 to 11 months prior to the wedding date.

“I always recommend beginning to look into it as soon as you are

contemplating having a destination wedding, especially if you have a specific date in mind for the wedding because we can get that requested and confirmed earlier and get the couple some information on options and requirements,” Noordyke said. “I have started on them well over a year in advance, but also have some that plan it in a shorter amount of time.”

Just one month following her wedding, Megan had good suggestions for other couples looking to tie the knot abroad. Because the Doras married on the beach in a location that was warmer and more humid than Michigan, they purchased rubber wedding bands to exchange to avoid losing their rings in the sand and prevent ill-fitting rings due to swelling from the humidity. Megan also suggested staying on the resort grounds unless visiting outside areas with a guide. It is also a good idea to bring cash in smaller denominations for tipping purposes and to check into whether credit card companies impose international fees.

Destination weddings can provide a beautiful backdrop for exchanging vows rolled into a honeymoon getaway to warmer climes. As demonstrated

by Megan and Noordyke, it is an undertaking that can be done by an individual or with the assistance of a seasoned travel agent.

Megan and Ray Dora were married Feb. 4 in Mexico. Along with their families, the couples’ photographer, Justin Hill of JMH Photography of Grand Rapids, also accompanied the couple to capture memories.

Photo credit/JMH Photography/Justin Hill

Photo credit/JMH Photography/Justin Hill

As part of their wedding package, the Doras had an archway and chairs staged on the beach, just steps from the resort and its pool where several guests quietly witnessed the couple exchange vows. Along with the ceremony, the resort also included a three-hour reception with dinner and dancing as part of the wedding package the Doras selected.

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

Make proposals special and successful

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marriage proposal is a couple’s first official step toward the altar. Tradition dictates that men pop the question, with their surprised — and hopefully soon-to-be-fiancées — ultimately deciding if wedding bells will be on the horizon.

Proposing marriage can be nervewracking.

However, if the time seems right and love is in the air, popping the question can be exciting. Regardless of who is proposing marriage, the following strategies can help make proposals memorable and successful.

Turn the tides An old Irish tradition known as “The Lady’s Privilege” was established in the fifth century by a nun named St. Brigid.

She decided to create an opportunity for women to propose marriage. This day fell on every leap year, February 29. Centuries later, women can still use this tradition as the impetus to take the marriage reigns into their own hands. But women need not wait for the next leap year to propose.

Many women view proposing as an empowering action that is tied to the evolving view of independent women.

Couples are negotiating more in the marriage process, and the dissolution of commonly held practices is occurring more often.

Choose a sentimental location Couples will remember the proposal for the rest of their lives. So choose a

proposal location that has sentimental connections. Think about where the first “I love you” was uttered or where a first date occurred. These can be prime locations to pop the question.

Note her style Engagement rings play a big role in many couples’ proposals. One person’s style is not necessarily what his partner will like. Bigger isn’t always better. Rather, choose a ring that reflects your partner’s preferences and personality. Take your partner jewelry shopping and see which types of jewelry he or she is most drawn to. Certain preferences can serve as a jumping off point for ring designs.

Ask for the family’s blessing Men no longer need to ask their girlfriends’ fathers for “permission” to wed their daughters. However, asking your partner’s family for their blessing is a sign of respect and can add a romantic and heartfelt touch to the proposal.

Capture the moment Though we live in an age when every moment of people’s lives is documented with videos and photographs posted to social media, proposals still stand out as extra special moments. Hire a professional photographer to discreetly capture the proposal and your partner’s reaction so it can be cherished for years to come.

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THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

Jewelry care and cleaning guidelines

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ridal gowns and tuxedos may get their fair share of attention at weddings, but the subtle details of brides’ and grooms’ wedding attire also garner guests’ attention.

Breathtaking jewelry worn by the bride, groom and members of the bridal party looks great on the day of the wedding and in photos couples will keep for decades to come. Naturally, engagement rings and bridal bands are the shining stars of the celebration. However, other pieces of jewelry also make for cherished accessories for weddings.

Protect jewelry by cleaning it regularly and exercising caution when engaging in certain activities.

Bridal jewelry is an investment worth maintaining. According to a 2013 report by the Jewelers of America, couples spend an average of $4,000 on engagement rings and more money on wedding bands. Considering several thousands of dollars may adorn the necks, fingers, ears, and wrists of bridal party members, individuals should learn how to keep their jewelry investments looking pristine.

Remove jewelry during hard work Exercise caution when wearing jewelry during strenuous activities or when jewelry can be damaged. Also, watch

when handling slippery substances such as soaps and oils, as jewelry may fall off and become lost. Instead, remove precious jewelry and store it in a safe location, such as in a jewelry chest or a drawer.

Exercise caution with beauty products Apply lotion, cosmetics, perfume, cologne, and hairspray before putting on jewelry. These substances can discolor certain metals or even damage stones.

Prolonged contact with perspiration and bodily oils also can cause discoloration over time. Gently wipe down jewelry with a soft cloth after wearing it to remove oils and sweat.

Be careful around swimming pools, spas and the ocean Couples should remove jewelry before partaking in water-based activities on their honeymoons. According to jewelry retailer Zales, chlorinated water can react with the metals found in jewelry, causing color changes and even structural changes. Don’t risk jewelry falling off in the ocean. Store it in a secure location before diving in.

Beware the sun, too The Gemological Institute of America, Inc. states that sunlight can affect the durability and color of colored gemstones. Over time and in excess, the sun and heat can fade or damage some stones, such as amethyst, topaz and pearls. Other stones can darken with exposure to the sun.

Clean jewelry with care Rely on mild detergents and a light touch when cleaning jewelry. Use products specifically designed for jewelry care, and read labels to ensure safety. The International Gemological Institute says seriously soiled jewelry should be professionally cleaned.

Inspect and know your jewelry Routinely inspect jewelry to test for any structural issues that can result in breakage or lost stones. Make sure any suspected problems are repaired promptly.

Ensure jewelry will last for years to come.

Exercise caution when wearing pieces and clean and care for them properly.

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

Stunning engagement ring alternatives W

hite diamonds have been the traditional engagement ring stones for decades. While shoppers have experimented with gold, silver, platinum, and other precious metals for ring bands, the star of the show has long been that twinkling, pristine diamond.

Even though diamonds may be a “girl’s best friend,” they may not fit every woman’s style, particularly the bride who likes to buck tradition and think outside the box. According to Money magazine, the average engagement ring costs more than $5,800. In addition to being one of the most expensive gemstones, diamonds have become quite commonplace.

Some women even eschew diamonds for moral reasons.

M o i s s a n i t e : This crystal naturally occurs in meteorites and is nearly as hard, dense and scuff-resistant as a diamond.

Some feel moissanite offers more brilliance and fire than diamonds. Moissanite is a white-colored stone, so it can mimic the look of a diamond.

And since it can be made in the laboratory at a fraction of the cost of even lab-made diamonds, it’s a frugal option. A nearly flawless one-carat moissanite gem can cost less than $1,000.

Whatever the driving force behind shopping for alternative gems, women who want to set themselves apart from others — and men who want to “wow” their significant others with unique and eye-catching rings — may opt for other dazzling stones.

Lemon quartz: This is the trade name for a lemon-yellow stone that is a variety of colorenhanced transparent quartz.

Quartz is turned into this sunny hue through an artificial gamma ray irradiation process.

Like other quartz gemstones, lemon quartz is considered to be very durable and is therefore suitable for all types of jewelry.

Sapphire: Sapphires tend to be blue stones (of varying intensity), but they also come in peach, pink, yellow, green, and white.

Sapphire may not sparkle as much as a diamond or even moissanite.

However, with the right cut, it can be hard to distinguish any lack of luster. Sapphires are the third hardest mineral, and at about onethird the price of diamonds, they make an ideal diamond substitute.

Morganite: According to the blog Bridal Musings, morganite is currently one of the most popular choices for engagement rings. Its pretty pink hue is romantic and feminine. It also sits at around the same hardness as sapphires, ensuring the rings will endure.

Vividly cut rubies, emeralds and tanzanite — all gems that are rarer yet less expensive than diamonds — can make beautiful engagement rings. Some couples also may opt for rings without gemstones, such as traditional Claddagh or “true lover’s knot” rings to signify their union.

Even though diamonds may be a “girl’s best friend,” they may not fit every woman’s style.

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THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

Trends in engagement rings

By Emilee Nielsen Daily News staff writer

Picking an engagement ring can sometimes be a difficult task, especially if the person buying it is unfamiliar with the different cuts, clarities and colors of diamonds.

Stephanie McCarty, a manager at Huch’s Jewelry in Greenville, is ready and willing to help people pick out a special ring for their beloved, whether it’s a diamond ring or another precious stone. Round cut diamonds with white gold and rose gold are the most popular rings sold in her store.

“Right now it’s leaning a little more toward that halo style and a vintage

flair,” she said. “Now they’re kind of implementing a little bit of rose gold accents in it, too.”

The halo style of rings refers to a circle of small diamonds set around a larger focal stone.

White gold remains a popular option for people looking to purchase an engagement ring as well. To add a pop of color, McCarty recommends a tougher gemstone, such as a sapphire, which will stand up to everyday wear. Softer precious stones, such as opals and emeralds, are more susceptible to showing scratches and other damage over time.

For proper upkeep, McCarty recommends having rings inspected and cleaned at least once annually.

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Trends in wedding flowers

By Emilee Nielsen Daily News staff writer

Glen Powell has been working at Greenville Floral since the late 90s and in that time, he’s seen his share of rising and falling trends.

Right now, he said, the two styles of bouquets he sees ordered most frequently are the round style and the cascade style.

In the round style of bouquet, flowers of the same type and color are arranged into dome shapes and tied together at the stems with ribbon or lace. Popular flower choices for this kind of bouquet are roses or peonies of similar or complimentary colors.

The cascade style has the appearance of flowers spilling out from the bouquet to create a waterfall shape and can be accomplished with orchids and vines. The flowers are set in a foam holder so they will cascade down one side of the bouquet.

Powell said the cascade style has been becoming more popular again in recent years.

In terms of bouquet accessories, Powell said burlap and lace have made a resurgence with the rising popularity of rustic themed weddings.

“I think people are going more toward either like roses or like a wildflower bouquet,” he said.

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

Master the wedding

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any couples’ weddings take more than a year to plan. Couples want all of the special people in their lives to witness their vows, and giving guests advance notice can ensure as many loved ones as possible attend the ceremony.

To be certain that guests have ample notice to clear their schedules, many couples now turn to save-the-date cards, which announce weddings well in advance of the actual wedding day.

Save-the-date cards once were reserved only for weddings that required travel or special circumstances, such as destination weddings. But such cards have now become commonplace for all weddings. That’s because many people plan vacations or business trips anywhere from four to six months in advance. Busy people require plenty of notice to include this important date on their calendars, particularly when wedding dates fall during popular travel seasons or around the holidays.

Kleinfeld Bridal, a premiere New York bridal boutique, says that save-the-date cards are typically mailed six to eight months prior to the wedding, though some are sent as early as a year before the big day. Once a date and a location is secured, save-the-dates can be ordered and mailed.

Save-the-date cards require couples to assemble their guest lists well in advance of the wedding. The leading bridal resource The Knot notes that everyone who will get a wedding invitation should also receive a save-the-date card. There’s no turning back once cards are sent, so couples will need to be certain everyone they want to attend is getting advanced notice.

It’s acceptable to mail save-the-date cards even if some wedding day details are still up in the air. Guests really only need to know the date and location of the wedding. Couples also can use the save-the-date card to direct invitees to a wedding website where guests can learn the details of the wedding as they unfold.

RSVP information does not need to be included on the save-the-date card.

Save-the-date cards are much less formal than invitations, so couples can have fun with them. They can showcase couples’ clever personalities or funny quirks. Keep in mind it is in poor taste to mention gifts or registries on save-the-date cards. There will be plenty of time to direct guests to registries later on.

Couples are increasingly turning to save-the-date cards when planning their weddings to make sure busy friends and family will have enough time to make plans to attend their weddings.

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THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

How I planned a wedding in seven weeks for less than $3,000 Meghan Nelson Daily News staff writer

I

had the opportunity to catch up with a good friend earlier this month.

Though two years my junior, we painfully meandered through the stages of adolescence together.

During high school, we entered our first serious relationships within six months of each other. I remember watching Monica marry Chandler and saying we couldn’t wait for that to be us, and we vowed to have each other as bridesmaids when that day came.

Like most young love, neither of ours lasted, and like many high school friendships, we drifted apart as our lives moved in separate directions.

And by the time my nowhusband proposed to me in August, we were still friends, but not close enough for me to ask her to be in my wedding party. And when her fiancé proposed to her on Christmas, she didn’t ask me to be in her wedding either. But when we went out to lunch together, naturally the topic of her future wedding came up, and I realized that the different directions we started down years ago led us to have very different dream weddings.

My husband, Aaron, proposed to me on August 28 at Shedd’s Aquarium in Chicago. We had been talking about getting married for months, so when we announced to our family and friends we set our wedding date for Oct. 9, it was more of a fact than a pipe dream to us. (And no, I wasn’t pregnant.)

In fact, the only reason we decided to have a wedding and not elope was because my grandmotherin-law told Aaron, something along the lines of, “I’ve been waiting 22 years to see you get married, and you better not steal me of that joy.”

We purposely planned to have a sevenweek engagement because the idea of stressing for months wasn’t appealing and we didn’t want to spend more than a few thousand dollars. Plus, we already knew we wanted to be together forever.

As I shopped with my friend for a few hours, I witnessed her stress about what flower crowns she wanted her flower girls to wear and what color ties she wanted her fiancé and his six groomsmen to wear. Then, she told me about her venue, and a quick Google search dropped my jaw. She’s paying more for her venue than I did for my $2,750 wedding, excluding the cost of rings.

While I know she will plan her dream day, it makes me thankful my dream day cost much less and it came sooner — her engagement is five times longer than mine. While I’m picking my jaw up off the ground at the thought of paying $3,600 for a wedding venue — I paid $525 for the enclosed shelter at Douglas Walker Park in Byron Center — I recall the myriad of friends and relatives who were in awe of my wedding’s low price tag, extensive do-it-yourself projects and zero vacation days I took to pull off my wedding.

So how did I do it? First, I need to give credit to my mother-in-law for helping and recruiting help for all the decorations, favors, centerpieces and even flowers we made by hand.

I never considered myself a crafty person until I handmade almost every decoration for my wedding and saved a lot of money.

I made the bouquets and boutonnieres out of book pages from Aaron’s favorite book, which I found for 50 cents at a used book sale. Using the same book, I tore out pages and wrapped them around canning jars with a candle inside for part of the centerpieces. My bouquet cost less than $1, and the canning jars were the most expensive part of the centerpieces.

We also cut out parts of the wedding we didn’t feel we needed. We only had a maid of honor and a best man, but it cut the costs of bridal and groom’s party gifts. And, we opted to forego a flower girl or ring bearer. We didn’t have relatives or friends with children in the appropriate age range, and it saved us money.

Thanks to me and my husband’s extensive personal library, we were able to pull books off of our seven bookshelves to use in our centerpieces,

and my mother-in-law knew a recently married couple who folded old hymnals to display a table number, which we were able to borrow.

The favors were homemade as well, with a combination of paper bags, a small vial of bubbles and candy.

I also made heart paper chains to loop around the beams, and my husband’s aunt had a wooden arch from her sons’ weddings, which she offered for us to use.

All the food at our wedding was homemade and my mother-in-law recruited her friends to help prepare and set out the food. However, we did splurge on the cake and cupcakes.

And for beverages, we bought bottles of wine from Aldi’s, and my husband’s brother and best man picked up the tab on a keg as his wedding gift to us.

We hired, I use that term loosely, a disc jockey to monitor the playlist I made. He was a friend of my mother-in-law, so we ended up only paying him $100, and I rented basic sound equipment for another $100.

The officiant was an ordained minister and friends with my husband's family. He made our ceremony personal and fun and didn't charge us a ton.

Another bargain we got was only paying $400 for our photographer, Rachel Oldenburg, who owns Rachel Rollins Photography. We asked her to only shoot the ceremony, and since she was friends with Aaron's family, she gave us a great discount for wonderful pictures.

The best deal we got for our wedding that is the only thing we paid for when it came to attire was my garter ($15 on Amazon), my shoes ($20) and Aaron's tie ($20). I borrowed a friend's wedding dress she bought before she called off her engagement two years ago, and Aaron already had a suit from when he was in his cousin's wedding in 2014.

We had other little details for our wedding, such as a sand ceremony, champagne glasses, cake cutter set, guest book, etc., but we looked for inexpensive options.

At the end of the day, I married my best friend. When I go to my friend’s wedding in August, I’m sure I’ll look back and think how crazy my sevenweek engagement was. But, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. mnelson@staffordgroup.com (616) 548-8273

To make the candles I used in the centerpieces, I cut a book pages to the height of a canning jar and then cut a heart out in the middle. I hot glued the book pages and red or gray ribbon, and set a flameless candle inside to finish it off.

I cut, folded and clued flower petals I cut out of book pages to make a bouquet of a dozen paper roses. I used leftover petals to create the boutonnieres.

My bouquet is reflective of my love of books and all things literature.

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

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ouples who choose to write their own wedding vows recognize how special such personal gestures are. Writing one’s own vows can impart a personalized and special touch to the ceremony. But as anyone who has stared down a blank piece of paper or blinking cursor can attest, a case of writer’s block may encourage couples to abandon the idea of writing their own vows.

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But couples struggling with their vows need not throw in the vow-writing towel.

With some practice and guidance, anyone can write cherished vows that will be remembered for all of the right reasons for years to come.

Skip the schtick. Jokes may pop up in speeches throughout the evening, but wedding vows can be your chance to truly speak from the heart. Humor may come across as insincerity. Rather, list the words that describe your feelings for your future spouse, and build on that.

Tell a story. If you need inspiration, look to a moment in your relationship when you really knew this was the person with whom you wanted to share your life.

Relay the story, but keep it brief. Try to be as specific as possible, and recognize that it’s acceptable to be playful with your words. When it’s really coming from the heart and not the head, you’ll know it.

Borrow from traditional words. Take traditional vows and tweak them to make them your own. This works especially well for those who have trouble getting started or are unsure of which format to follow. Incorporate key words, such as

“partners,” “love,” “friends,” “joy,” and “forever.”

Be sure the officiant is on board.

Depending on the type of ceremony, the officiant may have final say over what can or cannot be included in your vows.

Religious ceremonies, for example, may be limited to certain scripture readings and traditional vows. Before you devote any time to writing vows, ensure that it’s alright to include them. Otherwise, save personalized sentiments for a special toast at the wedding reception.

Decide on a mutual structure for the vows. If you and your spouse will not be writing the vows together, agree on a format that you both will follow.

Otherwise, you might be writing about your unending love, and he or she may be promising to keep updated on favorite sports teams or television programs. You want the tone and style of the vows to be cohesive.

Dig deeper. Look into the future and project how you hope your life to be in 10 or 20 years. Explain all of the reasons you want to be together for the duration.

Read the vows several times. Read over your work and make sure the language is clear and there are no glaring errors. It may take a few versions to get the final version right where you want it.

Get a second opinion. Ask someone you trust to listen to the vows and offer feedback. This needs to be a person who will be honest and not just tell you what you want to hear.

Personalized vows can add an extra special touch to wedding ceremonies.

THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

Selecting a comfortable wedding gown

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‘I do,’ take two: Guide to a second marriage

many women feel certain parts of their bodies are their best assets while they want to downplay others. Try on gowns that play up your best features. If you have shapely legs, consider a dramatic gown with a slit to show them off. Certain gowns can enhance the decollete or show off an hourglass shape. Remember, many gowns can be modified so that you feel secure and confident. Sleeves can be added or fabric placed to cover up any perceived flaws. Confidence and pride are important parts of the comfort factor.

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any brides-to-be visit bridal shops with specific goals in mind regarding the style of their wedding gowns. Some women come equipped with magazine tear-outs or pull up ideas on their mobile phones.

Others may have an entire scrapbook filled with various ideas they’ve been compiling for years.

Much consideration is given to wedding gowns. The cost and silhouette of the dress may garner the bulk of that consideration, but brides might want to spend more time considering comfort.

Depending on the time of day their weddings take place, brides can spend 12 hours or more in their wedding gowns on their wedding day. However, when shopping for their gowns, brides may prioritize beauty over comfort, even though it’s entirely possible to find a gown that’s both stunning and comfortable.

When staff and friends or family who have come along to offer advice start to blush over wedding gowns, brides-to-be may feel pressured to downplay any discomfort they feel.

To make sure brides look flawless and elegant but are still comfortable in their wedding gowns, consider the following tips.

Know what to highlight and what to cover up. No two body types are the same, and

Get sized correctly. Bridal gown sizes do not coincide with street sizes. Depending on the manufacturer, brides may have to select gowns that are several sizes larger than they would normally wear.

This should not be a cause for alarm.

Brides should go by their measurements.

Attempting to squeeze into a dress that is too small will only lead to discomfort on the wedding day.

Purchase the right undergarments.

Improperly fitting bras, shapewear and other undergarments can lead to discomfort as well. Some seamstresses can sew in supportive cups to remove the need for separate bras. Brides can explore various options to reduce the visibility of certain accoutrements.

Move around in the gown. Brides should not just stand in front of the mirror and smile when trying on gowns. Put them through their paces. Try sitting, bending and even a little dancing. Make sure the dress is comfortable to move around in.

Try different options. The gown brides have in mind may not be the one they ultimately go home with. Explore different styles and materials. Choose cooler, breezier fabrics and lightweight gowns, like crêpe, georgette or organza, for summer weddings. Heavier fabrics, such as brocade, may be more comfortable in the winter.

Wedding gowns can be both beautiful and comfortable for those who know how to shop.

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ouples are returning to the altar in increasing numbers, as second and third weddings are becoming ever more popular. Pew Research Center indicates that, as of 2014, 64 percent of divorced or widowed men have remarried, compared with 52 percent of previously married women.

Lavish second weddings were once uncommon, but that trend is also shifting.

Couples who are taking another crack at marriage are tying the knot with renewed vigor and with weddings that may rival some first-timers’.

Men and women who are remarrying after divorce or being widowed may not know how to approach planning their upcoming nuptials. The following are some guidelines to making the wedding sequel a success.

Wardrobe Couples who have been married before often find that they have more leeway with regard to their wedding wardrobes than they did when tying the knot for the first time. Brides may choose something less traditional than a long, white dress.

In fact, this can be a time to let loose and select something that is festive or even funky. This also may provide a great opportunity to choose clothing styles from different cultures or ties into one’s heritage. This freedom also allows brides to broaden their horizons with regard to where to buy their wedding wardrobes.

Grooms may opt for something more casual than a tuxedo or coordinate with their brides-to-be so they are on the same creative page. Colored tuxedos and vintage suits are acceptable, even though such attire might have raised a few eyebrows the first time around.

Guest list The guest list doesn’t have to be a source of anxiety. Others will understand that there may be a melange of people at a second wedding. Children from previous marriages as well as divorced spouses or former parents-in-law are not out of the question. Even if exes will not be included, make sure they know about the nuptials in advance of others. It’s common courtesy, and it can help head off feelings of ill-will.

Some couples choosing to tie the knot again scale back the size of the wedding this time around, feeling something smaller and more intimate — with only the closest of friends and family — is more suitable.

Registries and wedding gifts Considering couples who have been married previously likely have many of the housewares and items for daily living that first-timers may not, registering for these gifts is not necessary. What’s more, some of the same guests may have been present at first marriages and gifted then.

In lieu of gifts, couples may ask guests to donate to a specific charity or forgo gifts altogether.

Vows Couples can use experience to draft vows that have personal meaning to their unique situations and make the wedding ceremony even more special.

People getting married again can impart their own personalities into the ceremony and party to follow. There are no hard rules governing second weddings, so couples can plan their weddings with good times in mind.

March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

Tips for trimming the wedding guest list

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Create initial lists. When jotting down potential guests’ names, write down everyone you want to invite, regardless of budget. Then list the must-have guests for the wedding. This should include the family and friends with whom you interact on a regular basis. Create a separate column for guests who don’t make the must-have list.

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eddings are a time to celebrate, and many couples hope to invite as many people as possible to share their excitement. A 2014 study by researchers at the University of Denver found that couples who invite at least 150 guests to the wedding may have happier marriages. The study examined 418 people who were single at the beginning of the study and married five years later. It found that 47 percent of those people who had gotten married in front of at least 150 guests had “highquality marriages,” while those with 50 or fewer guests fell short.

While guests make weddings more enjoyable, and may increase the propensity to enjoy a more successful marriage, couples must be practical and consider their wedding budgets when creating their guest lists. The average American wedding includes 120 guests, according to a 2015 Newlywed Survey released by WeddingWire. Couples who are finding it difficult to create and pare down their guest lists can employ the following tips.

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Separate friends from friends’ friends. If you don’t see people outside of events set up by mutual friends, you should not feel obligated to invite those people to the wedding. They are more likely friends of your friends and not your close friends.

Know the guest list ceiling. Catering halls or reception rooms often can only accommodate a certain number of people.

Know this number before making a final list. The limits of the space may serve as the catalyst for trimming the guest list.

Consider coworkers carefully. Think about whether you’d still be friends with your coworkers if the company dissolved tomorrow. If not, you should not feel obligated to invite them.

Have we met? If you don’t remember interacting with a person (your parent’s long lost friend from high school) or the person has never met your significant other, then they probably can be cut. If parents insist on inviting someone you barely remember, they should help defray the costs.

Cut out the kids. Even though children’s dinner costs may be lower than adults’, inviting children can significantly increase the guest list. A no-child policy at the reception can save money.

Avoid uncomfortable situations. Unless you have remained particularly close, keep former boyfriends and girlfriends off of the guest list.

Ask for an unbiased opinion. Give the editing pen to someone else if you cannot make a decision. This person may help weed out extraneous guests.

Paring down a wedding guest list can be a difficult process, but couples should work together and respect each other’s concerns when creating their final list.

THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

Wedding photography — through the lens of a photojournalist

By Cory Smith Daily News senior staff writer

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n one’s wedding day, as exciting, entertaining and monumental as that day most definitely is, there is no arguing it will likely contain its fair share of stressful moments as well.

From caterers preparing food on time, the DJ or live band performing the correct songs, or sudden unearthed family issues that can lead to tense emotional situations, there’s likely to be drama on the most important day for the two individuals finally coming together to say “I do.”

An additional point of distress can also be found for the one responsible for capturing the memories made that day, be it through photos or video. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

As a journalist who has written at The Daily News for more than five years now, and served as its principal photographer, I’ve spent years capturing moments full of emotion. A wedding should be treated no different.

I’ve shot three weddings in the past two years, and attended three others as a guest, twice while in the wedding party.

I’ve experienced the photography end of weddings from both sides, from behind the camera to directly in front of it.

And while this advise is strictly my own, I believe I’ve learned enough from all of these experiences to offer enough tips that can result in a wedding photo album that can be cherished as much as the marriage itself.

The most important key is, be candid. Not every wedding photographer may have an eye for candid shots, but I would recommended finding one who does.

Anyone can group together

the wedding party for a cleverly posed photo, or ask the bride and groom to stare into each other’s eyes lovingly, but there’s a common theme with these photos — they are staged.

Now don’t get me wrong, these photos are also important — a must-have for framed photos that will one day decorate one’s living room or bedroom wall — but they won’t necessarily remind you of the emotion and love that took place on that day.

They key is to keep your photographer close at hand, throughout the day — and ignore them.

By this, I mean to describe a situation where your photographer has essentially unlimited access to the bride and groom, to capture you in moments you never may have expected to arise.

Don’t stop what you’re doing to do something for the camera. The idea of smiling for the camera should be saved for the predetermined posed photos. Rather, pay no attention to the camera at all.

Instead, you need to live the real moments of your wedding and permit the camera to witness it, to allow the photographer to find and capture those definitive moments — the moments that tell a story.

What I’m describing is authenticity. When I’m on the scene of a devastating car crash or house fire, it’s easy to photograph the mangled cars or burning house. But it’s the vision of the victims hugging and crying, expressing their raw emotion, that truly tells the story.

It’s not an attempt to exploit, but rather capture the human element of the situation. In viewing that photo, you may begin to partially understand what that situation meant to them and how it may have affected them.

At a wedding, I treat the event no differently. There’s no emotion to be spared, but it can be easily missed if your photographer

isn’t keeping an eye open for those emotional moments.

From the groom anxiously checking his watch with a nervous smile, to the father of the bride hugging his daughter one final time before he gives her away, these are moments that aren’t predetermined weeks before a wedding on a checklist.

They are authentic; they contain real moments and honest emotions. They aren’t about the pose or about doing something gimmicky or trendy for the camera’s sake.

For decades, it has been customary to have each picture perfectly set up and staged — and I take these photos as well.

I meet with the bride and groom well before the wedding and go over every photo that they feel is necessary.

The point I am reaching is whether it’s grandpa and his granddaughter dancing together, infants with cake smothered all over their face, or an intimate moment of the bride fixing her groom’s tie, those are the moments that are not posed, that can be quickly forgot, but will be forever cherished if captured in a photo.

So in conclusion, don’t be afraid to let your photographer think outside the box. Let them be daring with new techniques and incorporate the popular trends, capturing people’s thoughts or emotions and the whole story.

Years afterward, when you’re reflecting on those photos, you’ll be able to re-immerse yourself in that wonderful day, and recall just how special and monumental was the story that is your marriage. csmith@staffordgroup.com (616) 548-8277

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

Different roles for the father of the bride

Tips for a special mother/son dance

incorporate the father of the bride into the festivities in even more productive ways.

Wedding sites: Assign dear old dad the important task of looking at potential wedding reception sites prior to visiting them yourself.

He may have certain connections through work or attended business or leisure occasions at catering halls and other venues. Dad’s connections can pay off. Let him impart his negotiating skills and find the best deals with the ideal backdrop for the festivities.

Wardrobe: Let your father assist the best man and other groomsmen in securing their tuxedos or other wardrobe essentials. Dad also can step in and return rented items following the wedding.

Beverages: Dad may be fitting to keep tabs on what is occurring at the bar during the reception, ensuring that guests’ needs are being met. He also can keep an eagle eye trained on anyone who may have overindulged and needs to take a break.

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opular movies and televisions shows give the impression that the job of the father of the bride in a wedding is ultimately about making sure the festivities are adequately funded. In the movies, fathers fret about the costs of everything from flowers to photos.

But gone are the days when the father of the bride bankrolls his daughter’s entire wedding. The Knot’s “2014 Real Wedding Survey” reported that, on average, the bride’s parents contribute 43 percent of the total cost of a wedding; the bride and groom contribute another 43 percent; the groom’s parents spend 12 percent; the remaining 2 percent of the budget is paid for by family members or friends. That frees up Dad for other roles in wedding planning. With some creativity, couples can find ways to

Speech: Give your father an opportunity to shine by letting him make a speech. Remember, this is a momentous day for Dad as well, as he may be trying to come to terms with his daughter starting a new life.

Father-daughter song: Let Dad pick father-daughter song, and go with his choice even if you had something else in mind.

Ceremony: Even if you prefer a less traditional wedding ceremony, let your father walk you down the aisle. This will likely be a moment he’ll remember for years to come.

Expand the father of the bride’s role in the wedding by assigning him tasks where he can put his style, experience and excitement to good use.

Grooms are the unsung heroes of weddings. They often put others first, including letting their own mothers shine on the dance floor.

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eddings celebrate the unions of happy couples ready to pledge their lives to each other. In theory, the wedding day spotlight should be shared equally by brides and grooms. But brides often eclipse their grooms, as guests are drawn to stunning bridal gowns.

Though grooms might play second fiddle for much of their wedding days, there is one moment when all eyes are on the groom and a special lady in his life. The mother/son dance is a wedding tradition that many grooms embrace as their opportunity to show their mothers how much they love and appreciate them. The mother/son dance is an ideal time to create a special moment, and the following are some tips to personalize the dance.

Precede the bride and her father. Make your own tradition and switch up the timing of the dances. Be the first to take a spin on the dance floor and set the tone for the other traditional songs to come.

Create a photo montage. Work with an entertainment company or photographer to create a slideshow of images showing you and your mother together and separately. If possible, include some photos that were shot during the wedding ceremony, asking the photographer to capture the look on your mother’s face during pivotal moments of the ceremony.

Show off your dance skills. One increasingly popular wedding trend is for fathers and brides to choreograph the father/daughter dances. Grooms and their mothers can follow suit, particularly if you both have some stellar dance moves.

Let Mom choose the song. Give your mother the opportunity to express her sentiments to you, as mothers of the groom do not typically toast their sons during weddings or even rehearsal dinners.

Invite other son/mother duos up. If the idea of dancing alone with your mother is a bit intimidating, give other mothers in attendance an opportunity to share the spotlight. Celebrate all mothers in attendance, encouraging any mothers and sons who are present to dance together.

Grooms may not garner the bulk of guests’ attention on their wedding days. But they can take steps to make their special dances with their mothers more memorable and unique.

THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

Weddings and non-traditional families

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There are no traditional rules regarding how to handle blended families, so brides- and grooms-to-be can customize their decisions based on their own unique situations. Even when families have been happy through the years, the unique circumstances and traditions surrounding the nuptials can dredge up former insecurities, and certain aspects may require extra patience and tact.

Here’s how to navigate the process.

Consider stepparents and stepsiblings VIPs. Brides and grooms who are not particularly close to their stepfamilies still have to recognize the role they play in the family dynamics. These people are still family, so respect and courtesy should be offered. If there is any lingering animosity, extend the olive branch on this day and try not to let anyone be made to feel as if they are unimportant. A simple announcement of who stepparents are at the wedding reception or inclusion of their names on wedding itineraries can help smooth over any potential bumps.

Put others’ needs before your own. While the wedding may be about you and your future spouse, you must consider the

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Recognize that some families break the mold. Recently, a father made waves on the Internet when a video of him pulling the bride’s stepfather up to assist in walking her down the aisle went viral. This was a wonderful image of families making it work despite their differences or the awkwardness that can result when brides or grooms have parents and stepparents in attendance. Although this scenario might not play out for all, find ways to impart a special touch, especially if you’re close to both your biological parents and your stepparents. For example, your biological father may walk you down the aisle, while your stepfather may enjoy the first dance.

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When planning their weddings, couples must give consideration to the needs of their families. Even though a wedding is about the union of two people, oftentimes couples engaged to be married must contend with the politics of divorce or other familial issues. This includes if and how to incorporate stepparents and stepsiblings into the ceremony and celebration.

feelings of others. Biological parents and stepparents may act defensively if they feel uncomfortable or hurt, and that can create an air of negativity to the day. Try to avoid this by considering potential areas of conflict. For example, mothers might be hurt if their ex-husbands’ new girlfriends are asked to be in a group family photo.

Instead, select separate times to have everyone included. Remember to give parents and stepparents priority seating as well, and they each should be seated next to someone they love and someone with whom they can converse comfortably. You may think everyone can play nice, but it’s best not to push the issue just to make a point at the wedding.

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

Successful toasts help shape social events

A

toast is a drink raised in the health or honor of someone. Such salutes are typically accompanied by some heartfelt words or tokens of advice. Toasts are a common component of social gatherings, including retirement parties, milestone birthdays and weddings. The term “toast” has an interesting history. Dating back to the 16th century, “toast” refers to a piece of toasted bread. A piece of toast was commonly added to wine during this time because wine was quite inferior in quality then compared to modern vintages. Stale bread was placed into the jug to soak up acidity and improve the flavor. The wine also improved the palatability of the old or spiced bread. According to National Geographic magazine, by the 18th century, the term “toast” had been transferred from the floating piece of bread to the person honored by the toast. Eventually, “toast” represented the drink raised or the words offered with the gesture.

Prepare for a toast. Toasts can be off-the-cuff remarks shared in the moment, but for many special events, they should be prepared well in advance.

Nowadays, some toast-givers devote extra time to preparing toasts, particularly because they know these sentiments can live on indefinitely on social media. Giving a toast can induce anxiety, but some nerves can be

relieved simply by doing one’s homework and not procrastinating.

Writing tips.

A person giving a toast is trying to gain the attention of a group of people who may not be very attentive. These tips can improve the content of the toasts and their delivery.

Keep ‘you’ out of it.

This toast is not about you. It’s about the person you are honoring. Therefore, do not put any self-congratulatory messages in the toast. Make it all about the person — even beginning the toast with that person’s name.

Hook people in.

Open the toast with a good joke or anecdote that will help introduce the person of honor.

For example, Jake is a great guy because he’s the type of person who will offer to meet you at your dorm room at 2 a.m. with pizza and beer to get you through a study session. Too bad he has a horrible sense of direction and repeatedly shows up at the wrong door.

Tell a story.

Reference the person in the toast, other audience members, and even yo rself if you can be painted in a self-deprecating light.

Keep it short.

This is a toast, not a monologue. Be brief so that the audience doesn’t lose interest. Set a fiveminute limit.

Wrap it up.

Conclde the toast by tying the story back to the introduction and making sure to include the audience once more. This will help you get the biggest laughs and applause.

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THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

17

How guests can cut costs and still attend loved ones’ weddings

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ouples and/or their families can expect to spend tens of thousands of dollars on their weddings before saying “I do,” making weddings one of the largest expenses for a couple apart from buying a house or new car.

But brides- and grooms-to-be are not the only ones who may have to invest quite a great deal on wedding days. Guests, including bridal party members, may also be responsible to pay a substantial sum.

According to the 2016 American Express Spending & Saving Tracker, Americans expected to spend an average of $703 per each wedding they attended in 2016.

Few people are willing to miss the wedding of a beloved family member or friend, even when the costs of attending the wedding can be high. Fortunately, there are ways for wedding invitees to attend the festivities without breaking the bank.

Shop around for lodging. Many couples arrange for discounted hotel rooms for their out-of-town wedding guests.

But guests might be able to save even more by shopping around for their own discounted rates at hotels and other lodging accommodations. Websites like Orbitz and Hotels.com can compare rates at all the hotels in a given city, letting wedding guests explore all of their alternatives in a single search. Guests who are especially patient can use the Hotel Tonight app, which allows users to book heavily discounted rooms no more than seven days in advance of their expected occupancy. Guest also can try finding affordable lodging on the popular homestay network Airbnb.

Book travel early. Many travelers insist the best flight deals can be found as late as six weeks before the desired departure date. But there’s no guarantee that waiting that long to book flights will benefit wedding guests.

If the patient approach does not pan out, guests might be forced to choose between costly flights or not attending the wedding.

Budget-conscious travelers may find it less stressful to book flights as early as possible.

Doing so allows guests to find flights at the times they most prefer to fly, and it also makes it possible to spread the cost of attending a wedding out over a longer period of time.

Say no to joining the bridal party. While it’s an honor when brides or grooms ask certain friends or family members to be in their bridal parties, guests should not feel compelled to accept that invitation if they cannot afford it. If money is tight, explain the situation to the bride and groom, who might even offer to help cover some of the costs of the wedding. Even if couples cannot afford that gesture, they will understand if friends or family members cannot cover the additional costs associated with being in a bridal party.

and split the cost of double rooms. Sharing expenses such as rental cars and trips to and from the airport is another way for guests to coordinate their efforts to save money.

The costs of attending a wedding are growing. But savvy guests can save money in various ways.

Split expenses. Another way for guests to save money is to split certain expenses with fellow guests. Single guests can share hotel rooms with fellow guests attending solo, and even couples can join up with other couples

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hen planning their weddings, many brides-to-be devote a large portion of their wedding budgets to their wardrobes. Statistics released by The Knot in 2014 indicated the amount the average woman was willing to spend her gown was $1,281.

Wedding gowns are among the most costly wedding expenditures. Because wedding gowns can be so expensive, many brides elect to have their gowns cleaned and preserved. Reusing a wedding gown is a cost-effective and earth-friendly idea. Women have many options when it comes time to putting their wedding gowns to use after they have tied the knot. The following are just some of the great ideas couples can explore.

1. Save it for younger generations. One of the primary reasons to preserve a wedding gown is to save the dress for a daughter, granddaughter or another relative to wear at her own wedding.

2. Transform it into other attire. There are a number of different occasions when wearing white is acceptable.

Religious ceremonies such as baptisms and communions qualify, and a wedding gown in the hands of an experienced seamstress or tailor can be transformed into a baby’s Christening ensemble or a beautiful dress for a youngster about to receive First Holy Communion.

3. Donate the gown. Brides in need

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an organization that will provide dresses to the less fortunate. Or donate it to an organization that can sell the gown to fund projects for others in need. Another option is the Mary Madeline Project, which uses wedding dress fabrics to create burial outfits for stillborn infants.

4. Cut it up into usable fabric. Wedding gown fabrics can be used in various applications. Dresses can be transformed into decorative pillows or other wedding mementos. Stretch the fabric across a frame and use it as a blank canvas for a photo keepsake. The fabric also can work for baby cribs and infant basket skirting.

5. Use it as a Halloween costume. Dress as a bride for Halloween. Otherwise, tailor the dress to fit a child and she can use it for any number of dress-up opportunities.

6. Donate it to a costume archive.

Theatrical companies may be able to use the fabric to create costumes for their productions.

7. Create a keepsake. Cut a small piece of the fabric and put it into a pendant or locket. A piece of tulle or lace also can be placed inside a clear Christmas ornament and hung on the tree for years to come.

Wedding gowns can be upcycled into many new and innovative items. Doing so eliminates long storage times and can benefit others.

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THE DAILY NEWS • March 18, 2017

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March 18, 2017 • THE DAILY NEWS

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