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Saturday, February 28, 2015 • Daily News

CROSSWORD

ask amy

SUDOKU

Woman resents claim to fatherhood

ear Amy: My boyfriend and I have been together for 12 years and have a 9-year-old child. My boyfriend has three kids from a previous relationship. His ex also had another child a few months younger than mine (from a one-night stand). Naturally that child thinks my boyfriend is its father and calls him “Dad.” My boyfriend and his family provide for this child financially just as they do for his biological children. No one has ever mentioned or explained this to the child. I can’t help but resent my boyfriend for claiming this child, and he has also made it clear that he doesn’t want any more children because he has “five” already. When is the appropriate time or age to tell this child the truth? Or am I being selfish, since my boyfriend is the only father the child knows? — Truth Hurts Dear Hurts: You are being selfish. Your boyfriend sounds like a stand-up guy — you should take pride in his choice. I believe all children should be told the truth about their biological parentage as soon as they are able to understand the concept (somewhere around age 5), but this is not your job; it is the child’s parents’ duty to do this. In this case, the child’s parents are his/her mother and the man who is the true “dad” — the man who accepts, helps to support and presumably loves the child. Perhaps you have explained to your own child why his/her parents aren’t married. Children have the right to know the unique truths about their families. Your guy’s choice not to have more children than he can support is wise and ethical. You have been forced into this unusual family structure but you should accept this unique challenge and support your partner’s decision.

ear Amy: Perhaps you can advise me on whether I am too hung up on etiquette and social rules. A bride-to-be is requesting a shower with invitations stating that monetary gifts toward their honeymoon are desired. Absolutely no other gifts. The couple are well-compensated individuals with parents who are paying for the wedding. This sounds supremely tacky to me and low-class. What do you think? — Hoping for No Invitation Dear Hoping: I don’t like to think of anything as either “high-class” or “low-class,” but this practice is becoming more common (it is still considered “declasse” to mention gifts on an invitation, however). Couples see asking for honeymoon money as similar to registering for gifts. Thoughtful couples set up “honeymoon registries” where you can select specific experiences for them, such as “coffee and beignets along the Mississippi.” If this is what they want, then why not take the money you would have spent on a material gift and contribute toward giving the couple an experience they will appreciate and remember? Of course, because you object to this so strongly, you can easily opt out by not accepting the shower invitation if it comes.

ear Amy: You missed something big in your advice to “Concerned Wife,” the newlywed who fears her husband is a thief. She urgently needs to separate her finances and assets from his, if necessary setting up accounts she can hide from him. And she needs to get out, fast, because one day her husband’s actions will catch up to him, and in the meantime he will wreak havoc on her finances. Many years ago, a member of my family was in a situation quite similar to the writer’s. She ignored the signs, stuck by her husband and did not protect herself financially. Eventually her husband was caught stealing from an employer, convicted of a felony and sent to prison. They divorced, but he had destroyed the family finances. It took her years to rebuild. She could have saved herself (and kids) years of heartache and financial disaster by protecting herself and getting out early. No one ever said, “I’m so glad I ignored my gut instincts!” — Faithful Reader Dear Faithful: Excellent advice. Thank you!

CRYPTOQUIP

Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

Jacqueline BIGAR’S STARS HAPPY BIRTHDAY for Saturday, Feb. 28, 2015: This year you learn to trust your intuition more. When you follow your gut, you often greet success. As a result, you’ll feel far more positive about yourself than you have in recent years. CANCER is even more emotional than you are! The Stars Show the Kind of Day You’ll Have: 5-Dynamic; 4-Positive; 3-Average; 2-So-so; 1-Difficult ARIES (March 21-April 19) **** You could break past an obvious restriction that might result in an outright rebellion. Think through a decision with care, and know what is going on behind the scenes. Try to avoid being so reactive. Consider both sides of the argument. Tonight: Entertain from home. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) **** You could be overwhelmed by an unexpected insight that compromises your integrity. A new opportunity is likely to take you down an unusual path. Consider both sides of an argument and work with the information at hand to find a solution. Tonight: Hang out. GEMINI (May 21-June 20) **** You could be pushing yourself very hard in order to achieve certain results. Remember that you are human, and you might need to take some hours away from a tense situation to recharge your batteries. Incoming news is likely to shock you. Tonight: Make it your treat. CANCER (June 21-July 22) **** How you see a situation could change dramatically. Remain calm when dealing with a loved one who is quite rebellious. You might not be sure which is the best way through this period. A partner will make a suggestion worth following. Tonight: Just be yourself. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) *** News comes in from afar that might surprise you. You might need to distance yourself and work through a key matter that is affecting your personal life. Keep your opinions to yourself for now, and keep your own counsel. You have a lot to discuss. Tonight: Keep it mellow. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) **** Zero in on what you want. How you handle a personal matter might change because of your awareness of what could happen if you update your approach. A partner is likely to do the unexpected. Maintain a sense of humor. Tonight: Be where people are. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) *** You might not be able to get the privacy you desire, but you will make the impression you want. Outside factors play a strong role in what happens today. Your sense of humor will turn a situation around, but not in the way you think. Tonight: All eyes turn to you. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) **** Your sense of humor will emerge when you reach out to someone at a distance. This person might pretend to be unavailable, but it will be apparent that he or she is playing a game. Have a long-overdue conversation. Tonight: Weigh an offer before you say “yes.” SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) **** Use caution with spending, and don’t just assume that you know the costs of a treat or special event. Otherwise, you could be quite surprised. Double-check important details. A child or loved one could be most distracting. Tonight: Avoid a disagreement with a controlling person. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) **** Weigh the pros and cons of a situation. You might not be ready to move forward on a personal matter. Listen to someone else’s thoughts, as this person could have an unusual but effective solution. You might be more controlling than you realize. Tonight: Be direct. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) *** You might consider vanishing when you discover how difficult a situation really is. You could feel as if someone is enjoying disrupting your plans. Be careful when dealing with this person. Consider avoiding others completely, and go to a movie. Tonight: Continue the theme. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) **** You could be surprised by what is happening behind the scenes. You might not be as sure of yourself in a controlling situation as you would like to be. Know what is possible here. Tap into your creativity, and you will find the best approach for you. Tonight: Choose a stressbuster.

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