For Lovers & Writers Only Issue #2

MAGAZINE

ISSUE NO. 2

day F E A T U R I N G

XAVIER OMÄR

dreamers

FOR LOVERS & WRITERS ONLY

T

o think just six months ago, I released my first print issue of Daydreamers. I can’t believe issue no. 2 is here already. And it’s officially spring! Where has the time gone?

As an independent magazine publisher, it is hard to keep this magazine going due to not (yet) having the team I desire or the financial support. However, this type of work feeds my soul. It’s what I always wanted to do, and so I do it, regardless of what it takes. I’m extra excited to present this issue, for lovers & writers only, because it embodies everything I love about magazines and literature. This issue features an exclusive interview with Xavier Omar.

For his story, we discussed everything from his parents’ reconciliation, his faith in love, and how being in different levels of relationships have changed his outlook on love since falling in it for real this time. I want to thank all of the writers who contributed to this issue. The amount of emotion, passion and courage they each brought to this issue, telling their own personal stories of love is commemorable. I do this for the writers and the lovers, so we have safe spaces to spill out our hearts in ink, paint or pixels. Well that’s it for now my daydreamers. I hope you enjoy this issue as much as I enjoyed creating it for you.

Bria Kiara editor in chief bybriakiara.com

a special note This magazine was written, edited, designed and published by an independent publisher and journalist. If you are holding this magazine in your hands, that means somewhere a person is doing a happy dance!

Thank you for supporting independent media!

copyright For further information or questions, contact the editor in chief at bria@daydreamersmag.com.

Copyright Š 2016-2018 DAY DREAMERS MAGAZINE All Rights Reserved.

No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written and signed permission of Bria Kiara Williams.

in this

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for lovers & writers only

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annon xl

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xavier omar

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if monsters were real

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tucked the moster under the bed

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i just haven't met you yet

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i love you in a field of roses a fool in love

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written by TORI FELDER photography by TAYLOR SIMS

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PART ONE:

If Monsters Were Real “If monsters were real, they’d be heroin.” He said this during our last conversation. The conversation I’ve become too familiar with. The conversation where I cry and ask unanswerable questions like, “How could you do this?” He stutters and looks guilty.

expected. He lets me finish asking questions he can’t or won’t answer. I cry angry tears at him. I say cruel things I don’t mean like “I hate you for doing this.” He listens and nods. He agrees with me when I tell him I feel scared of him. He grabs me, hugs me, I crumble under the familiar touch.

The angry tears turn to sad tears. I say nice things I do mean, like “I love you so much.

I wanted a future with you.” He listens and nods. Tells me he’s going to get better; one day he hopes I’ll believe him.

I study his every move. I pay close attention to his eyes, making sure his pupils aren't pinpointed. I check his eye lids, are they lower than usual? I scan his arms, hands, legs for any noticeable marks. I hang on to every word he says, playing them back in my head to see if I sense a lying tone, to check back in my records of lies, if he has said this one before. Most of it, he has.

I can hardly tell the difference between “I’m feeling great, no cravings” and “this time is different.” I get especially angry at “I’m changing this time.” What happened to last time? I watch to see if he eats food in front of me. I question every itch, every move he makes. I double check that he’s going to the bathroom when he says he's going to the bathroom, I count the minutes he’s in the bathroom. I watch his movements, if they are too fast, too slow.

We go to bed, where we can be as close as possible. We tangle under the covers.

He laughs at me for not being able to get a sentence out without crying. I laugh at myself, the way he taught me. I trace his face in the dark. He traces my body. We talk about the summer we fell in love. He tells me the story of the 4th of July we shared skin and lips on a trampoline. . . I love that story.

This is what happens when you love someone who has turned into a real life monster.

We laugh about the times we snuck off at parties, just to be alone together. He says “I love you so much.” I want to say “then why?” and I mean to but it comes out sounding like “I love you too.”

The rest of our time together goes as

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He falls asleep. I watch him. I think about waking him up, and telling him that I’ve changed my mind. I can handle it. Telling him I can be with him as I help him through it. I fall asleep before the words make it out. I wake up halfway through the night to his hands holding on to me for dear life. I cry to myself. I miss him so much.

I think about waking him up again, but this time telling him I can’t see him anymore, that it’s too hard for me. I don’t wake him up. Instead, I replay the most recent times I caught him in lies. I lay awake in the dark. He snores lightly next to me. He’s safe this way. Asleep. I think of the camping trip, the day I found the foil.

The lighter. The straw. I remember the days he came and passed out next to me, high.

He knew I didn't know the signs. I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint the head nod, the droopy face. I remember the second time I caught him after he promised he stopped.

I stayed up the whole night and spent the next day in shock, unable to face the day.

I think about waking him up again, telling him to get the fuck out, that I hate him.

I write this instead.

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I wake in the morning to the sounds of him leaving. I wonder if he’s eager to go score, to go smoke heroin. He smiles at me. A familiar smile. I crumble.

“Look at that body!” He jokes, throwing the covers off of me. I laugh and cover myself back up. I try not to cry.

My heart sinks with the thought of him being out of my sight. I watch him dress, think of how much I love his arms, contemplate begging him to stay. I don’t. I think of how much I love his hair in the morning. His eyes wrinkle when he looks over at me. He doesn't look like a monster today.

“Merry Christmas” is all I can manage.

“Merry Christmas baby, I love you.”

And the monster leaves disguised as someone I used to know.

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PART TWO:

TUCKED THE MONSTER UNDER THE BED We’re in the NA meeting.

One of many I forced you to go to.

“I don’t need them. I just want to move on with my life," you say. I don’t listen; I haven’t listened for months.

I don’t.

I give you a reassuring nod, a quick but cold smile signaling that I know what is best for you. A “we’re not leaving” nod.

I imagine that this was the moment you knew our trust was gone. A single epiphany that I no longer looked to you for safety and security.

“You need them. You need support.”

I give an ultimatum, “If you can’t do this, after all that lies you told, then I can’t be with you.”

I no longer trusted you knew what was best for yourself, or us. You studied my face then and I watched your eye dart from my forehead to chin.

So, we’re here.

In the NA meeting.

You mouthed “I love you,” hardly a whisper to respect the speaker across the circle.

The corners of your mouth sank with guilt but somehow created a half smile. The saddest one I’ve ever seen.

Sitting in a large circle in the basement of an old church. There are people, mostly men, that look like you sitting on elementary school chairs with pale faces. They wear their stories on their faces. It smells strongly of drip coffee and cigarettes. I’m beginning to think I can smell regret. You are wearing your work clothes, your hands are dirty with your day, like they always are. Your fingers are making shapes on my palms. Are we allowed to touch in here? You keep looking over at me after each person speaks. I pretend not to notice. You’re defeated. You feel like you don’t belong here.

You have said I love you hundreds, possibly thousands of times in the years we spent together but this one struck me in the gut.

It was out of place.

It resembled a plea, a question.

It confused me, left me sitting in the moment even after it passed, even after I mouthed in back. I stay up some nights replaying it. I felt it then but didn’t grasp why it left me with a sinking feeling after we left the meeting that night.

When you finally catch my eyes, you mirror a small child. You are making a silent plea, looking at your mother for permission to cross the road. You are waiting for me to say, “Ok. Fine. We can go.”

You were saying goodbye.

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written by TORI FELDER photography by TAYLOR SIMS

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I Just Haven’t Met You Yet written by TORI FELDER photography by TAYLOR SIMS

I so badly want to write poems of a woman in love.

A woman who reeks of him, because they share sheets.

I want to write in flowers.

Recount days spent unraveling each other just to tangle again at dark.

Red in the cheeks as I scribble our secrets.

Stays up late, Wine drunk, Writes in her journal as he sleeps, Remembers little details, Falls into him after her poems are complete.

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words by ANGELINA ROBLEDO I love you, and as these words roll off my bottom lip, they do not sound like enough.

I try to gather the words in my palm, to stuff them back in the pit of my belly, to unscramble them and make them sound like something more.

What I really want to tell you is that the entirety of the constellations sleep behind your eyelids.

That you are the closest thing this universe has to reaching nirvana.

What I really want to tell you is that your fingers can carry galaxies, but they feel soft on my skin.

Your lips could end a war, and I would always protest in their favor.

The movement of your hips mimics a tornado, your whirlwind sends my thoughts into the abyss.

What I really want to tell you is that the quick kisses of death you place on my forehead both take my breath away and fill me up within an instant.

My head nestled in the crevice of your neck, your fingers intertwined with mine, tangled in my hair.

Heartbeats, inhales, exhales, aligned.

What I really want to tell you, my sweet love, is that you are a force to be reckoned with.

You came from the stars and you leave me trying to remember how my lungs function.

Your face is an exhibition in my mind where I escape to tour all the prettiest parts of you.

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I LOVE YOU You are a masterpiece.

Picasso Kahlo Basquiat could only have hoped to create something like you in their wildest dreams.

You are a dream, a reoccurring dream that infects every waking thought.

I love you, and as these words roll off my bottom lip, they do not sound like enough.

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LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS

I

interview by BRIA KIARA WILLIAMS photography by MYKELLE NEWSOME

t's a warm, sunny day but not too humid. I wonder if my choice of interview style would be looked down upon. Currently, I’m sitting in the grass at Cira Green, well laying down actually, and listening to music on my iPhone. I thought sitting in the grass for an interview would be too “in the clouds,” but we are daydreamers right?

poured all of his energy into producing and engineering JUMP to the point where it seemed redundant. He admits to sitting on it for too long, too busy worrying about how it will be received. As most artists usually panic over their work before releasing it.

We are both sensitive and particular about our processes and outcomes, as artists.

Annon poured a lot of his energy into this project, though at times he doubted his listeners would rock with it, too.

Anyone can feel Annon’s heartwarming energy from 20 feet away. As soon as I looked up from my phone, I saw him coming my way, smiling and waving his hands frantically.

He recorded the entire project on a podcast microphone, he said. Though, he didn't want it to share that same sound quality.

Annon Merit, also known as Annon XL, is a rising artist and graphic designer from West Philadelphia. At 19, he’s using his dreamy vocals and online platform to share his messages of love. Whether he’s in love or looking for it, Annon is mesmerizing his listeners with his deep and soulful sounds.

During the production of JUMP, Annon insisted how important it is to not allow outside influences or comparisons to other musicians dictate his art.

With so many rising talented musicians coming from Philadelphia such as Mars Parker, ALEANA, Lavva Girl, KilConfirmed, Noel Scales, Scottie Kash, Andrea Valle -many of whom he calls friends.

Aside from music, he’s a student at Temple University studying graphic designing. He paired his digital art skills with his promotion for his EP JUMP seamlessly.

A friend and an MC from Philadelphia, Eli Capella, described Annon’s vocal ability as “impeccable,” adding, “His sound brings out the child in you, with his bright and melodic production.

JUMP, his debut project, released the first day of last summer. It was a relief to Annon to finally release his project on the first day of summer. For the whole month of May, he 16

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“A lot of it is just love; I just talk about love because it’s all that matters.”

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UP IN THE CLOUDS

One day, Annon attempted to link with Lavva for a track by sending her over two songs. Neither songs did anything for her.

She said they were “not timeless enough," and he agreed. He proceeded to link with KilConfirmed and have the track made.

They were both drained at that part, both working on their own solo projects. Lavva was working on releasing her newest single, “Vitamin D!,” and he was two songs away from finishing JUMP.

All while his cadence relaxes you, bringing innocent and sensual vibes.”

“We all make different sh*t,” he said. He described his style of music as “up in the clouds, somewhere,” and I agree. I gravitated toward his music immediately because his music is so "up in the clouds."

JUMP is a collection of lullabies about love and all the mess and beauty it brings with it.

LOVE IS ALL THAT MATTERS

It’s easy for your childhood to shatter when the weight of adult responsibilities start piling into your life such as bills, student loans and maxed out credit cards. Annon believes music has the power to either take you away from your problems or help you reflect on solutions.

“I was in high school, but I wasn’t mentally there.” Annon didn’t go to prom or take part in any of the festivities. However, he missed out on these high school pastimes to record music.

Other than myself, I never met anyone else who viewed high school as “fleeting.” But that’s exactly what it is. A fleeting moment of relationships, temporary alliances and opinions from people you won’t even care about after graduation.

Children inspire his style of storytelling in his music.

“Children are honest at the cost of no one,” he said. Through working at summer camps for kids for more than four years, he first handedly experienced how passionate kids are when expressing how they feel.

Even now in college, Annon struggles with deciphering between what’s now and what’s forever. It was so natural talking to Annon. After hearing his thoughts on high school, he wanted to know mine and that opened a discussion to real vs fake.

In a way, he envies them because their innocence “gives them the lead way to say whatever.”

The kids we went to high school with were more real than the people we attended college with. It all ties back into childhood and adolescence; we lose our realness and our “inner child” the older we get.

BRING ME PEACHES & ROSES A funny story about how one of my favorite songs on the project, “Peaches & Roses” featuring Lavva Girl came to be:

His music works to preserve themes around childhood, innocence and daydreaming.

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Annon has been making music for years, trying to improve his sound with constant experimentation. His music gives you the feel of him not taking himself, or anyone else, that seriously. He does not focus on the superficial or mainstream when creating his music, which is admirable.

“A lot of it is just love; I just talk about love [because] it’s all that matters.”

Majority of young adults think being single is better than a relationship, which comes with sacrifices and commitments.

Most young people run away from anything attached to responsibility and accountability.

"Not everyone wants to die alone," he said.

In the end, love is what we need. Solitude is good for the soul too, Annon agrees, only after getting your daily doses of love first.

He just heard a song that explains why love inspires his music so much, and it went like this, “I can show you that love is a cure for heartache.” Love is the reason that there’s heartbreak. So, he believes there’s a push and pull that comes from love.

In one of his songs, “Spaces,” he said he got real on the subject of love. Annon questioned why he is alone during the track, touching on vulnerable feelings we all have when it comes to love. “Will I find that special someone? What’s wrong with me?” It’s natural to want to be loved, and I admire Annon’s comfortability with being vulnerable in his art.

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Annon is a true daydreamer, inside and out, from his stories about love, to his blossoming personality. As for the future, he doesn’t like to make plans, especially when it comes to his artistry.

For now‌ 23

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As for the future, he doesn’t like to make pla For now… "The music 24

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ans, especially when it comes to his artistry. c comes when it comes."

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A DAISY IN A FIELD OF ROSES written by LEANN COTTON photograph by TUAN NGUY N MINH

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paused at the front door and prepared to answer his knock. I could feel each muscle in my arm pulse as my hand pried open the unusually heavy door. Memories of returning home too late, effortlessly flinging the same front door wide open with frantic excitement, flooded my mind as the door creaked inch by inch.

My gaze fell on the dying lobelias to the left on the porch and the bistro table with two matching chairs to my right; the chairs we stood from when Nicholas kissed me for the first and last time. That was the last time I remember the door being so heavy. He walked down the porch steps and drove away with my letter and my devotion.

That was four years ago. Now standing on the same front porch was James, watching the door hesitantly creak open, holding a bouquet of freshly cut red roses with one daisy, dead center.

I had always been fascinated by the life of Anne Frank. As a student in grade school reading her story, I couldn’t help but place myself cross legged on the floor of that annex right beside her, writing beside her. I treated every journal entry that followed my meetings with Anne as the most important contributions I could offer the world, just in case. I rationalized that someday, someone could discover my most important words and share them with the world.

The thing is, I wasn’t hiding in an annex fearing for my life. I was hiding in plain sight, like a house plant forgotten behind a bookshelf, and I had naturally gone un-watered. I chose to watch the world happening around me and wait for permission to be important. My journal entries seemed less important, I forgot how to water myself.

With words weaved through sarcastic anger I replied, “But… I love daisies!”

It was wildly important in that moment to express how wrong it was to put down the daisy in comparison to the rose. It’s only crime -- not being as sought after by floral enthusiasts or husbands trying to compensate for forgetfulness. He didn’t validate my not so silent plea for an unfounded argument, though he never really did, I loved him for that.

Instead, he looked at me with sincerity and said, “You are the most beautiful daisy in a field of roses.” I kissed his scruffy face that always made my chin red and began one of our lengthy goodbyes, that never were quite long enough, before making the familiar hazy drive home at 2 a.m.

Crashing down from the clouds of our past I reemerged to find James still standing on my porch with the bouquet I always wanted when we loved each other. His familiar smile wasn’t so familiar and it wasn’t as joyful. There was an absence of intensity, romance, sarcasm, hope. What was left? Honesty.

Anne Frank once wrote, “Dead people receive more flowers than the living because regret is stronger than gratitude.”

We were falling out of love.

We were dying, and we both knew it.

I instantly was pulled into a memory so fond I almost didn’t dare go back. I saw a younger James, whose affection I was so desperately trying to win.

Despite our already declared attachment to each other. He stared at me with an honest intensity, and with romanticism disguised as sarcasm and said, “You are a rose in a field of daisies.”

I stared at him right back with the same honest intensity.

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LOVE STARTS WITH HOPE an interview by BRIA KIARA WILLIAMS photograph by JOE GONZALES

M

uch more than a soulful singer and songwriter, Xavier Omär is a powerhouse — combining personal experiences, love and honesty to create some of the best love songs of today including, “Blind Man,” “Afraid,” and “Speculate.” These songs represent self-love, empowerment, finding real love and falling out of love at their core.

He began his solo singing career in 2012 and gained attention from Sango. After this successful collaboration, Xavier has been flying high ever since. I just caught his show in Philadelphia a few weeks ago at Voyeur, and it was amazing.

His stage presence cool calm, the bellows of that voice in him is all the crowd came out to hear! Singing along to some of my favorite songs by him live was a totally different experience than screaming at the top of my lungs to myself, headphones in, bedroom door closed.

At the beginning of February, I hopped on a phone call with Xavier to chat about love — the way we give it, the way we receive it and how its presence (or lack of) has influenced our lives as lovers and writers.

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say we learn about how to give and receive love first from our parents.

Watching the way our parents love, respect and honor each other influences the way we interact with and love each other.

Xavier began writing music at the age of 12. Although he gives some credit to Bow Wow, who was a youthful influence on him at the time, Bow Wow still being associated with the “lil” at 12- or 13-years-old himself.

Simultaneously, Xavier’s brother was in high school and pursuing his passion for music production and rapping.

Xavier recalls his parents’ journey in love together rather difficult, but he wasn’t aware of it until the age of 16. His parents dealt with marital issues that led up until he was 22-years-old. He saw his dad moved out.

Xavier describes watching his brother practice with his band and perform at talent shows inspired him. He thought it was really cool, and in a lot of ways, he always wanted to be like his brother. And so, as funny as life is, when Xavier began high school he ended up in a 3-man rap group and produced and rapped the songs.

He said to see them today, compared to the end of his teenage years and early 20’s, is night and day. It’s completely different. “And to me, reconciliation is just as apart of the big picture as love,” he added.

“Everything comes full circle,” he said.

The transition from rap to neo soul, r&b, baby making music is big. Xavier felt like he never truly found his cool rap voice. He and his group would do solo songs on some of their projects, and so for the last project, he sang a song from start to finish. It was his time first trying that style of music but it was well received nonetheless.

“So to see my mom and the way she handled the situation, that taught me more about love than anything. Not only love but obedience to God and believing what he told you was true,” he said. “If she didn’t have the assurance of confirmation through prayer, dream or whatever source, she wouldn’t have stayed. So you have to combine that with love to really see it all out.”

He never wanted to be a solo artist.

However, after the group broke up, it took him another year or two to really pick himself up. He went to American Idol when they were holding auditions in San Antonio.

From there, he gained the confidence to start singing more. The first complete project where he sang every song 100% is Everlasting Wave. Soon after, he met up with Sango and sang some beats, and things have picked up ever since.

LOVE NEEDS HOPE The youngest of 2 siblings — 1 sister and 1 brother, Xavier got the most love from his parents. His parents’ love allowed him to explore the things he enjoyed. They gave him a nudge to join the military, but once they saw him seriously pursuing music, they began to support Xavier even more.

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photograph by JOHNNY FAN 31

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photograph by JOHNNY FAN

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"There has to be a balance between your heart and your brain if you want a full picture of how you should lead your life.”

Songs like “Runnin Round” where he talks about how he’s giving someone the chance for the last time but actually getting played while trying to extend the offer for reconciliation.

It seems wild to him that the furthest he’s ever gotten in his music career is as a solo artist. Maybe that goes to show that the things we try to suppress are what we actually need to accept with wide and inviting arms.

His songs now portray a more mature Xavier in love. His lyrics and melodies manifest from the lessons he’s learned from past relationships. So while it might seem like he’s this well-rounded and thoughtful person, he assures you that’s only because he experienced different levels of relationships.

But he loves being apart of something, so don’t be surprised if you always catch him at shows with a band.

LOVE NEEDS BALANCE When it comes to love, and following your heart or brain, Xavier said it has to be a balance. “It literally can’t be one or the other because you can overthink a situation and completely ignore your intuition,” he said.

LOVE NEEDS FAITH I have to say, I really admire his abundance of faith and relationship with God. The way Xavier gives love is harmonious with how in order his relationship with God is. He feels who is he to give love if he isn’t connected to the actual full definition of it. His faith is a priority for him.

“Or you could lead with your heart so much that you never even think about the consequences or what makes sense in the situation,” he added.

“I’m a lover; I’m a teddy bear in a lot of ways. So I have to be able to give love properly. Not only for the benefit of who I’m with, but I just want to be able to do that thing right.”

"There has to be a balance between your heart and your brain if you want a full picture of how you should lead your life.”

Situations, where he’s let his heart take control instead of his mind, is what most of his music used to speak on. Nowadays, his songs are more thoughtful because he is singing about experiences he has had time to reflect on and move past.

The way he receives love is based on the same principles. In a relationship, Xavier’s primary and secondary love languages are positive words of affirmation and quality time.

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“Love cancels out fear.”

The thing that sticks out to him the most in God showing us love is that it’s told to us that God’s love is abundant, thus love is abundance itself. Xavier explained, “When I hear ‘I love you’ from my girl, it’s great, it’s wonderful. But when I hear ‘I love you so much’ I’m like ‘omg, yes.’”

don’t care about your role in their lives.

Just as long as you can watch and help them succeed.

“It’s a different degree,” he said.

Thinking back on all of the times he thought he was in love, Xavier said he now has a little bit of a different thought process. Now he feels like he has to ask himself if it really was love, or if he just wanted it to be love really badly?

He compares his current relationship to his definition of true love: caring about a person so much, you 34

It’s beautiful when the rose-colored glasses pop off, and you see things for what they really are. Xavier said receiving and giving love in a way that he wants allowed him to realize his fake loves in the past.

I say fake loves because that’s what they are. Once this realization sets in, you have to sit with yourself and honestly ask: What was I in love with?

“In comparison to what I have now, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone ever be this thoughtful, or considerate, or inspiring.”

Something authentic really shows how

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photograph by JOE GONZALES

fake the replica is.”

Being honest and transparent is something he aims to do on every project or song. In his interview with Affinity Magazine, Xavier said something that really spoke to me. He said, “I think it’s impossible for music to be timeless without being honest.”

A song of his that made me an instant fan is “Afraid.” In it, Xavier is describing how a person might be afraid to fall in love (the right way) even if it’s the right person because of betrayal and heartbreak in the past. When thinking of his most honest song in love, the first song that he recalls is “Afraid,” saying that it was him just flat out singing in emotion.

One day, he was texting his friend, and she was divulging her fears about love to him.

And honestly, they were the same fears he was currently experiencing. This was at a time where he hadn’t been in a relationship for three years, his music was becoming more popular, and so he thought he had less of a chance of meeting someone genuine.

Writing “Afraid” helped him (eventually) sort through his fears of love because it was a way for him to hypothetically write about himself and his reality.

As a matter of fact, the first lyrics of the song were ideas he played around within his mind when thinking of a direction for the song. So, the ideas of losing love, unrequited love

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and the question was it truly love turned into opening lyrics for the song instead. It’s really cool how the creative process works sometimes.

I love Xavier’s mentality around expressing sadness and vulnerability in his music as a way to show strength. Though love does bring its share of pain, I asked him what about love empowers him and he replied: “Love cancels out fear.”

When you know you are loved, it makes you feel powerful knowing you have access to its source and can freely give it anywhere.

“I think it’s impossible to have love and not have strength. They are one in the same,” he said.

The mindset of someone who feels love or is truly loving is one of strength. In the songs he writes, he wants to communicate that love is strength, even if it is just love for yourself.

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A FOOL IN LOVE

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written by SCOTT ROSEALEA photograph by MONICA GALENTINO

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"I think you're amazing."

"Aww Scott. There you go being cute again."

to it more than her own name. She was his Scott, his little ButterScott, because she was the sweetest thing in his life. And, he would always be her Wallybee, buzzing into her life, and making sweet things with her.

"I'm serious! I think you're amazing. I love spending time with you. You're so bright and wise and insightful, which makes our conversations both fun and interesting.

I'm pretty sure you're, like, the smartest person I know -- and you know I've met scientists and novelists, and you're still so much more intelligent than they are.

Especially when you talk about literature.

Their friendship, before now, was something that they kept on a "sibling basis", due to poor timing. Though, they'd both be lying if they claimed they didn't want more from the other. So, when Scott opens her mouth again…

"Honestly, with the way things are now, I'd miss you more than I'd miss Jon," and he sees her luminescent smile amongst the passing street lights, it takes everything in his power to not break down into a hot, gooey mess.

"I love the way you talk about literature, especially poetry. The way you're able to quote any poem with such passion and diction; it inspires me. Even when we're just watching TV or a movie, you pick up on things that I miss and help me grow. You make me so much better. As a person and as a writer."

For a while, they say nothing as a song plays on the car radio. Scott, unaware the depth of her words, continues to stare out of the passenger's window. As for Wallace, he tries desperately not to reveal how hot her words have left him.

He always found honesty to be his weakness. He knew the moment he realized that it was something he would never encounter anywhere or with anyone. Of course, to him, it never meant that he couldn't find friends or have relationships. He just knew it meant that they would never give him the one thing he's always yearned for.

"Wow," he starts slow "that…that’s--uh…that's really moving. I wasn't…prepared for that."

"What? The song?"

"NO, YOU, YOU FOOL!" She turns, and stares confused as the shock of her words breaks his cool. Embarrassed by his reaction, he tries to stammer out an apology. She laughs. His heart melts.

So, the moment the person he thought would always be his best female friend began her 'honesty assault' on him, the only way he could react was to blush and pray he wouldn't crash the car.

"Did…did you really mean that?"

He always knew her as "Scott". A loving nickname he gave her during one of the most painful moments of her life. Over time, she took

"Of course! I wouldn't have said it if I didn't mean it."

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"Fuck, this is gonna drive me crazy..." he exclaimed, palms slamming into the wheel.

Before she had a time to question what was going on, a surprising warmth grabbed her cheeks. It began to spread to her ears, her jaw, and burned at her lips. She felt them being tasted, savored, and devoured. Every part of her yearned to kissed back, finally giving in to the one thing she's always wanted. But she couldn't. She still belonged to someone else.

"You know I can't kiss back..." she pulled away.

He's not sure what's worse: the air growing hot and heavy, his best friend being so honest with him, or the fact that she doesn't realize the effect she has on him.

"Whoa, you ok?" She smirks, making the heat grow.

"It's not fair! Why is it the person who's still in her first relationship the one who woos me the most?"

Wallace thinks a bit in the haze of his thoughts.

"I know! I know, and I'm sorry, but I just…I just couldn't take it anymore." "…You're not…the only one. But-- there's still Jonny, and what kind of person would I be if--"

"Wallace?" The car grows quiet, along with Scott's worry. Fifteen minutes feels like years.

"I've messed up somehow, haven't I?" She thinks to herself. "Are you gonna say something?"

"No, it's ok.

It’s really ok, it was my fault. You don't have to worry--"

"……W-words?"

"That's not the point!" Heat continued to run ramped in her face. Wave after wave of emotion hit her, and before long, she fell victim to the undertow of confusion.

"Yes, say words. Or…are you not talking for the rest of the drive?" She hopes he'll snap out of it, and they can start talking again. She hopes she didn't push the line.

The air breathes thick and weights down in her chest. She'll regret it if she's ruined the greatest friendship she's ever had, all for a silly crush. Wallace stays quiet, but manages a small thumbs up. "What on earth does that mean?"

It wasn't like she didn't care about Jon, he was her first boyfriend after all, but Scott knew better. She knew she wasn't a good enough person to pretend that everything Wallace did was one sided. She wasn't a good enough person to act like they were both just sleep deprived. She knew all too well; she was terrible enough to admit the things no one should ever admit to themselves. "I don't want you to stop."

Without haste, the car pulled over. The engine stopped, and the low heavy breathing of the driver rumbled through.

"Wallace? Is everything alright?"

"But, you're in a relationship…"

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"Was a placeholder for not having you‌" "Scott."

"I know that's not the type of honesty you'd want to hear. But it's what I needed." She reached out, gently caressing his cheeks.

Knowing that her next move would be the end to the world. But in knowing that, she found the strength to push forward, and claim everything she always wanted.

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about daydreamers is a print magazine exploring the most creative minds from the worlds of art, music and culture. in this magazine, we create a world where daydreamers can let their imaginations run wild through any creative medium of their choosing. we particularly love poetry, visual art, and strong journalistic or creative writing.

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