3 minute read
OLAP The importance of self-love
The importance of self-love
In Alcoholics Anonymous, we recite the Serenity Prayer at every meeting: [Higher Power], grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
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This is a powerful prayer, which asks a Higher Power to help us love and accept ourselves no matter what we have done in the past, what we do in the present or what we might do in the future. It helps us recognize what we can change about ourselves to lead healthier lives. We can also think about this saying as a way to help us love ourselves.
Self-love is a basic human necessity. It means loving all parts of yourself: accepting your flaws and weaknesses, taking charge of your emotional, mental and physical well-being. Practicing self-love does not mean you are selfish or narcissistic. It means that you are taking the steps to be the best you to live a healthy and meaningful life.
I first learned about self-love in AA many years ago. I learned that once I started loving myself, it was much easier to create meaningful relationships, I slept better, and I had a better mentality on life, among many other things. As lawyers, we are responsible for other people’s problems. We help them with all parts of life, whether it’s buying a house, getting help for unfair employment practices, gaining custody, getting justice for a crime, etc. We are constantly helping and thinking about others’ issues, but it is very important that we take care of ourselves and learn how to love ourselves.
So what can we do to love ourselves?
Be aware of the negative voice inside your mind
Have you heard it? The negative thought that pops into your head when you make a mistake, when you say the wrong words, when you wake up in the morning, when you are late? It might tell you that you are stupid, that you are ugly, that you are not good at your job. Learn to recognize these thoughts and challenge them. Replace them with something positive. For example, if you double-booked meetings, if the voice tells you that you’re unorganized and a failure, tell yourself that you will do a better job of keeping your calendar up to date. If you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and the voice tells you that you are ugly and old, squash it. Tell yourself that you look pretty good for your age! Just as we start to believe our negative thoughts, if you replace them with positive affirmations, you will start to believe them.
By Scott R. Mote Esq. Executive Director OLAP smote@ohiolap.org | 800).348.4343
Forgive yourself
We all make mistakes. Let me be clear. You are going to make mistakes. You will fail. We all do! It’s how you recover from that mistake that matters. Forgive yourself. Holding on to negative feelings about a mistake will only cause a grudge, and grudges hold negative energy. Release that energy. Forgive yourself.
Put an end to toxic relationships
A dysfunctional family member, a bitter friend, a nosy neighbor, a jerk law partner (yes, they exist!). These are just a few examples of toxic people. Think about the people who make you feel drained, confused, guilty, abused or taken for granted. You need to remove these toxic relationships from your life. A good friend of mine had a toxic relationship with his mother. She abandoned him when he was young, but then tried to make up for it when he got older and had a family of his own. After a couple years of trying to reconcile with her, he realized that she did not change. She was still her narcissistic self, she manipulated him, and she brought back tragic memories from when he was a child. This affected his relationship with his wife and his children. He finally realized that he could not have a relationship with her. It was toxic. Once he removed her from his life, his entire view of life changed for the better. Sometimes we don’t even realize that people are toxic, but once you remove them from your life, you can feel that a huge weight has been lifted.
