local ideas for
1821167
Carriage House
Free wedding consultations with wedding cake samples for the bride and groom-to-be
Candy & Bake Shop, Inc.
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Mt. Pleasant 9807 Kelly Rd Walkersville 21793 301-898-7559
Bride Guide
Donuts, Kinklings, Coffee, Pies, Cakes, Candy, Soup, Cookies and More! Our cakes are baked fresh, then decorated just for you.
Open Daily: Mon-Tue 8-2 Wed-Fri 7-6 Sat 7-2 Sun 7-1
Call to schedule an appointment and set up your personal tasting.
1821166
2
30 years of cake decorating experience
A special supplement to The Gazette
Bridal Party gifts
The giving of gifts to wedding attendants is a way to thank those who participate in the wedding. The bride’s gifts for her bridesmaids and the groom’s gifts for his groomsmen also preserve an integral part of the entire wedding tradition.
Their gifts can be traditional or nontraditional, and even inexpensive gifts that are personalized can become elegant keepsakes. According to The Knot, a popular online wedding resource guide, brides should consider keepsakes that challenge tradition and show that she thought of each bridesmaid individually. Brides who want to give attendants more personalized gifts, or gifts that are similar but still unique to each bridesmaid, will find several options at Molly’s Meanderings in downtown Frederick. Owner Leslie Atanasoff says her girly-girl store is the perfect place to find beautiful, feminine keepsake gifts that are similar, yet entirely thoughtful, unique and wide-ranging. At Molly’s, brides can choose apparel, handbags, accessories, candles, bath and body, a line of French jewelry, home décor, and more. The store’s line of J. Devlin vintage-style glass boxes are perfect wedding party gifts, priced at about $25. For about $50, brides can add an antique button or another unique jewelry item individualized for each attendant inside each box. “Then they are all getting something from the same line but can be specialized with a little more thought, for example if one girl likes dangle jewelry and another doesn’t,” says Atanasoff. Another unique and inexpensive idea at Molly’s Meanderings is a gift basket filled with a relaxing CD, bar of Lavender soap and bath salts. The store also has Lavender-scented booties. “These are great to give girls at a time when things for everybody are a little crazy,” says Atanasoff. Tara Franklin, owner of The Organized Bride, says most of the
BY MISTY HIGGINS
brides she serves seem to give bridesmaids similar gifts, often something like a personalized robe, T-shirt or tote bag found in her store in downtown Frederick. According to Franklin, attendant gifts are usually presented at the rehearsal dinner.
GIFTS THAT COULD BE MADE BY THE BRIDE ON A BUDGET INCLUDE JEWELRY, CANDLES, SOAPS, A HAND-MADE VASE FROM A CERAMICS STUDIO, KNITTED SCARF OR BLANKET, PHOTO ALBUM OR SCRAPBOOK, OR EVEN JARS OF HOMEMADE JAM. “The tote bags are a nice, inexpensive gift that you can fill with all the things they will need for the day,” Franklin says, adding that the No. 1 gift typically given to wedding attendants are hair is makeup services for the wedding day. Some of the 50 recommended creative gift ideas listed on The Knot include tickets to a musical or dinner theater, a movie-themed gift basket, personalized stationery, a gift certificate to a spa, a designer purse, silk pajamas or a cute purse-size camera. Gifts that could be made by the bride on a budget include jewelry, candles, soaps, a hand-made vase from a ceramics studio, a knitted scarf or blanket, a photo album or scrapbook, or even jars of homemade jam. February 2, 2012
Sonoma Lavender booties, far left, sold at Molly’s Meanderings, are keepsake gifts a bride could give attendants who are new mothers or mothers-to-be. Left, a J. Devlin keepsake box, also sold at Molly’s
PHOTOS COURTESY OF MOLLY’S MEANDERINGS
Additional creative ideas include ballroom or other beginner dance lessons, a French press with gourmet coffee, pottery classes, a deluxe picnic basket, a fab-
ulous bottle of wine or a gift certificate for a personal trainer or gourmet shop. Gifts for the flower girl and ring bearer can be just about anything that is age
appropriate, Franklin says. Coloring books or other gifts that might serve as an activity to occupy the child during the rehearsal dinner are always good ideas. Gifts for the maid of honor and best man are often the same as those given to the rest of the wedding party, according to Franklin. Some brides and grooms spend more on these attendants, but there are no rules or traditions that dictate what each person should get or how much to spend. Each wedding is unique to the bride and her budget, which can be affected by the size of her wedding party. “The gifts are a token of appreciation, to thank the wedding party for standing up for them at their wedding and supporting the couple through the whole wedding process,” Franklin adds.
Grooms are still giving more traditional gifts to the groomsmen. Things Remembered, located in Francis Scott Key Mall, has a variety of options, including a leather money clip, skeleton pocket watch, key chains, pocket knives, tankards, lighters and cuff links which can all be personalized with engraving; they cost between $20 and $60. More creative gift ideas for the guys, posted on Weddingbee.com by former brides, include aviator sunglasses, especially if it’s an outdoor sunset ceremony; a bottle of scotch, tequila or other liquor; tickets to a sporting event; novelty cuff links; personalized BBQ grill brand; cigar case and cutter set; caricature of all the groomsmen; or an oldfashioned barber shop shave the morning of the wedding. For the more adventurous groomsmen, The Rialto Tie Company sells neckties with a discreetly-placed pinup model on the back of the necktie. They retail for about $50.
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February 2, 2012
1821136
(301) 447-2366 chouseinn@aol.com www.carriagehouseinn.info A special supplement to The Gazette
Bride Guide
3
10 Ways
to SAVE MONEY on your wedding
Showcase ways to beautifully display fresh local food, highlighting its natural vibrancy and satisfying your guests both visually and flavorfully. The lump crab dip served with freshly baked naan bread chips is always a hit in this part of the country, and it costs much less than lump crab cakes to prepare.
BY WENDI WINTERS
In good times or bad, nearly every couple dreams of having an elegant, tasteful wedding—one that won’t run up a big tab and ruin honeymoon plans or the down payment on a new home. By following some of the suggestions below from Frederick area businesses, couples can have a great wedding and save money, too.
1.
Plan early. “Do your research, visit various
2.
Whittle the list. Do you really need to invite
3.
4.
4
vendors and caterers and sign contracts for their services early,” advises Cheri Thompson, owner of The Savory Spoon Catering Company (thesavoryspooncatering.com). “The market can change. Lock in prices before they go up.” She also advises getting “adequate help throughout the whole event rather than paying for each task that is performed,” such as corking bottles or cutting cakes for additional service charges. the Brownie troop leader you haven’t seen since third grade? Whether paying $40 or $400 per person, limiting the invitations significantly reduces the cost of the wedding, so create the guest list early—and stick to it.
Use the FAB Network. The Frederick Area
Bridal Network (fabnet.info) can help wedding couples find reputable vendors. Since 2003, the nonprofit organization has provided nearly every service a couple needs. “As a group, we offer a gift to anyone who uses three or more of the vendors in our networking group,” says Matt Shew, president of FAB Network and Shew-sical Entertainment Services. “It might be $50 off a purchase, or an extra half-hour off a deejay’s services, or a discount…”
Choose an easy-on-the-budget venue.
Consider an off-the-beaten path location for your wedding. “It saves a lot of money,” says Cheri Thompson, who suggests facilities that
Bride Guide
A special supplement to The Gazette
PHOTOS COURTESY OF CHERI THOMPSON, OWNER OF THE SAVORY SPOON CATERING COMPANY
have their own tables, chairs and even linens. One possible venue in Frederick is The Pavilion, an elegant event room in The Delaplaine Visual Arts Education Center (delaplaine.org) on South Carroll Street; it holds up to 120 seated guests. There is also Shade Trees and Evergreens (shadetreesandevergreens.com) on Liberty Road, which offers a vintage, covered greenhouse and event grounds. Carolyn Carr, a certified wedding planner and owner of Black Tie and Diamond Affair (myblacktieplanner.com), notes, “Some venues will give you a discount if you use them on an off-day, like a Friday, rather than on Saturday, the busiest wedding day. Some will even give you a discounted price for a Sunday wedding if it is not a busy day for them.” Lexi Schafer, owner of Events by Lexi February 2, 2012
(eventsbylexi.com), recalls an outdoorsy couple who held their wedding in a barn. “They didn’t need a lot of decorations,” she says. “For centerpieces on the tables, they used Mason jars in which they placed a few sprigs of natural grasses, spices and local wild flowers. They didn’t match, which added to the character.”
5.
6.
Be thrifty with your dress. Savvy brides
begin shopping for their dresses a year in advance and select one at least six months before the wedding to allow time for alterations. While it’s easy to buy a book online, there are drawbacks to purchasing a wedding dress that way. For starters, you can’t try it on beforehand, so be sure you’re dealing with a reputable merchant who will accept returns if you are not satisfied. Locally, bridal shops hold year-end and mid-April sales of discontinued sample dresses that must be cleared out before bringing in new designer samples. Also, check out thrift and consignment shops for gently-worn dresses that are often sold at rock bottom prices. You may also want to consider renting a wedding dress from the same shop your groom rents his tuxedo.
Use lots of greenery. Select flowers that are sourced regionally and in season. Use lots of greenery in the bouquets, centerpieces and arrangements to reduce the amount of flowers
you will need to purchase. When working within a color scheme, Carr suggests substituting a cheaper flower for a more expensive one. “If you wanted a bouquet that was a mass of Calla lilies, consider, instead, a bouquet that is mostly roses and use a few lilies as accents.”
7.
8.
9.
Dance to the beat of a deejay. A live band is considerably more expensive than a deejay who can spin any tune you desire. “A deejay can play anything, a live band can’t,” notes Shew, who is also a deejay.
Fall out of favor with wedding favors.
Wedding souvenirs are often left behind after a reception and tossed in the trash. “Some couples donate the money they would have spent on favors to a charity that means something to them,” says Shew. “There’s less waste because they are not giving their guests a bottle opener or a beer koozie they’ll never use.” If you must have favors, and you have the time and talent, Schafer suggests making ISTOCKPHOTO/ PHOTO DAVE them yourself.
10.
Don’t let them eat crab cakes. Thompson
understands Marylanders want seafood, especially expensive crab cakes, at their wedding receptions. Some want to splurge on filet mignon, too. You can have both—as hors d’oeuvres, she suggests, with “counted and passed seafood hors d’oeuvres, crab balls and a filet mignon appetizer on a crust of bread instead of a full portion. Or, have a seafood dip, which is even less expensive than appetizers and just as tasty. Surround it with freshly baked pita chips, cut vegetables and fruit. It looks beautiful.” “Order a small wedding cake,” says Carr. “It will be perfect for the photos. In the back, have one or two sheet cakes of the same flavor, cut and ready to serve. You might save half the cost of a larger wedding cake.”
Toast with a tasty drink. Increasingly, cou-
ples opt to serve beer and wine at their reception instead of pricey mixed drinks, says Schafer. “Some will offer one or two ‘signature’ drinks the bride and groom prefer…just to have a little variety and make it more personal. Or, don’t serve any alcohol at all if you are on a tight budget.” Either way, when choosing a liquor supplier, check to see if you’ll be reimbursed for unopened, undamaged bottles after the event.
February 2, 2012
1821241
1821164
Cake Design by JoAnn
A special supplement to The Gazette
Bride Guide
5
how to find a
dreamy dress
at a
dreamy price
BY WENDI WINTERS
PHOTOS COURTESY OF MARIE CRAWFORD'S BRIDAL
This all-over Chantilly lace mermaid dress by Mori Lee comes in white, cream/gold and black/cream. It features a beaded taffeta sash. 6
Bride Guide
A special supplement to The Gazette
The wedding dress is the epicenter of a bride’s daydreams. Usually a confection of white satin and lace, this may be the only dress she will ever have custom made. And at an average price the Bridal Association of America and other sources estimate to be about $2,000, the wedding dress is the usually the most expensive outfit the bride may ever own. But in today’s lackluster economy, many brides are taking off their rose-tinted glasses to look for bargains. Those with the talent and time may make their own wedding dress to create a one-of-a-kind look. Or, they may engage a local seamstress. Brides are also shopping online for their dream dress, but the results can sometimes be a nightmare. “I get calls from hysterical moms whose daughter ordered a gown online,” says Terry Warfield, owner of TLC Bridal Boutique on North Market Street in Frederick (www.tlcboutique.com). “It’s not what they thought they were getting. If it looks too good to be true, it is probably so. You need to know there is someone standing behind that gown if something is wrong with it.” “No matter what you pay for that gown, if it isn’t exactly what you ordered, the person you ordered it from should be your advocate,” she says. Instead of cruising the Internet, Warfield suggests bridesto-be do their homework and research the dress designers and styles they like. “Girls buy a gazillion bridal magazines. They should find a manufacturer who is not in every single magazine. Someone who is a little less ‘out there’ in advertising is a better buy.” Brides also need to have realistic expectations, she says. “A bride will have an $800 budget but comes to my shop with a picture of a $5,000 gown that she wants.” Marie Crawford, owner of Marie Crawford’s Bridal (www.mariecrawfordsbridal.com) on Worthington Boulevard in Frederick, has also been a wedding planner for two decades. “We usually tell brides to go online, look through magazines and find a style you think will work for you, that you like,” she says. “And, keep an open mind.” February 2, 2012
Crawford adds that a bride should “be mindful that a sales associate has a trained eye. She can look at you and tell what looks good on you. It’s okay to say ‘Yes!’ to the first dress.” Like Warfield, Crawford has also dealt with brides who tried something on in her shop, then ordered it for less online. “Online dresses sometime arrive ill-fitting and stained,” she says. “At least with a local shop, you have a brick and mortar place where you can reconcile any issues with your dress and you know your store is credible.” Bridal shops in Frederick and across the region purchase new sample inventory twice a year to ensure fresh styles for a bride-to-be before placing an order. Seasonal sales to replace discontinued styles and slightly-worn dresses usually occur in November and April. Wedding gown sales rarely include new dresses. “They are in almost pristine condition,” says Crawford. “Maybe a loose bead or it needs to be taken to the dry cleaners. For the cost of the dress, it’s worth it.” Warfield says “occasionally, there are some discounts during manufacturers’ trunk shows. But most manufacturers have us sign contracts that we will sell their gowns at a certain price. However, there are manufacturers who give you more value for your dollar.” She notes one manufacturer will hem dresses to a bride’s proper length free, saving a customer $100 to $250 on the total transaction. For $35, another one will change a neckline from a “straight across” to a sweetheart style.
See DRESSES, Page 14
This all-over lace dress by Allure Bridals has contoured straps that lead to a keyhole back. A satin band punctuates the waistline.
This Allure Bridals dress is designed with embroidery and Swarovski crystals and features a sweetheart neckline.
Anne Gallagher Design creates dream weddings to fit everyone’s budget. Your wedding should reflect your personal style and your flowers should set the stage for a beautiful and memorable day.
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Over 35 years of distinctive weddings A special supplement to The Gazette
Bride Guide
7
Inviting Invitations Trends and MoneySaving Ideas BY MISTY HIGGINS
COURTESY OF INKTHIS
COURTESY OF THE ORGANIZED BRIDE
Top: Created by inkthis, a fourlayer wedding invitation with rhinestone embellishment; Far left: Custom-designed by inkthis; Left: A simple two-layer invitations for a traditional outdoor wedding; Above: A design from The Organized Bride in Frederick COURTESY OF INKTHIS
8
Bride Guide
COURTESY OF INKTHIS
A special supplement to The Gazette
Yellow and purple, yellow and turquoise and different shades of orange—from bright to burnt to terra cotta to coral—are the hot colors for wedding invitations this year. And local businesses specializing in custom invitations offer a variety of styles—from traditional to contemporary to totally offbeat themes—that blend perfectly with these wedding colors. Debbie Sachs’ inkthis store in Frederick, which has served brides since 2003, offers a full line of products, including personalized stationery, invitations, gifts, return address labels, stickers, business stationery and save-thedate announcements. Sachs, who has been in the invitation business since 1989 and considers herself an expert, advises brides to start shopping for invitations five to six before their wedding. Traditionally, Sachs says, there are not so much themes as there are wedding colors. Invitation colors do not need to be an exact match with the decor, she adds, but they should set the tone for the wedding. Considerations might include the day of the week, time of day, venue and the dress style. To Sachs, traditional is always in style and brides who are going modern this year are going very modern, with different colors of paper and backings, and more layers and pockets. “There is no middle of the road,” she says about this year’s bridal tastes, which range from the totally traditional to ultra modern. This year’s styles also include many offbeat invitations, such as an Elvis invitation complete with sideburns, or a formal peacockthemed invitation adorned with a peacock feather. At inkthis, 100 fully-loaded invitations with return address, envelope liner, reception card and response set that includes shipping and handling, cost about $1,000. “But I can do it as low as $500 or as high as several thousand dollars,” says Sachs. February 2, 2012
Tara Franklin, owner of The Organized Bride, says brides should order invitations at least four months in advance and send them out eight to 10 weeks before the wedding. Franklin can create invitation packages for as low as $200 or up to $3,000. She is currently creating custom envelope liners with maps for a travel-themed wedding. She also has boarding pass invitations for destination weddings. Sachs has also designed casino chip invitations for a Vegas-themed wedding. Both she and Franklin say they have the capability to do just about anything a bride desires. Sachs and Franklin suggest holding meetings with the bride to discuss invitation ideas; they also recommend the bride bring along samples, and be prepared to share details about the wedding. When it comes to invitations, Sachs and Franklin both advise against cutting costs with do-it-yourself (DIY) kits. Over the years, both have agonized with brides who have had nightmares with an at-home kit or online service and end up desperate for help to fix mistakes. They tell brides that when ordering online, there is never a certainty how the finished product will end up. The bride herself may be careless with the spelling or wording or make some other mistake. Also, ink is very expensive and printing at home is very difficult to get right unless you are an expert, they say. “We have a lot of brides who come in that started out with trying to make their own,” Franklin says. “I feel like since you can get a whole set for as low as $200, you should at least come in to research.”
Sachs agrees. “Doing it themselves is not a good idea,” she says. “I have been doing this for 25 years. I do 50 weddings a year. I clean up their messes. They may not know how to word something. And if you do it online and there is a problem, you get someone on the end of an 800 number who is typically not (skilled) in what they are doing. You can’t see, touch and feel the paper. If you come in here, I have a level of expertise. Even if you only need 25 invitations, it’s still best to come to me. Time is worth something and so is aggravation. Printing is a nightmare.” Besides do-it-yourself invitations, there are other ways to stay within a budget and trim expenses. For example, use less expensive paper, eliminate pockets and layers, and don’t pay the usual $1 service fee for addressing the envelopes. Instead, find a friend with nice handwriting or calligraphy talents. Franklin says using a respond postcard instead of a card and return envelope is also a money-saver. Wedding web sites like The Knot or Wedding Wire are great for cutting costs because brides can create a wedding page and include information such as directions, hotel information and other details that would typically involve another card in the invitation package. “You can just direct people to the web site instead,” Franklin says. According to Sachs, another good money-saver is to not use a save-the-date card. “It’s a waste of cash,” she says. “Email is just as effective a way to send a save-the-date. Years from now no one is going to remember your save-the-date, but you can make your invitation memorable.”
PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE ORGANIZED BRIDE
Simply Beautiful
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Remarkable weddings. Distinctive events. Special occasions of all kinds.
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Where thoughts become flowers
A special supplement to The Gazette
Bride Guide
9
Rings PHOTO COURTESY OF COLONIAL JEWELERS
Although men often want simple wedding bands, there are many choices in designs, materials and inset stones available. BY JIM MAHAFFIE
“T
he first thing guys say is, ‘This feels so weird on my finger,’” says Sarah Hurwitz, manager of Colonial Jewelers on South Market Street in Frederick. “Most men don’t wear a lot of jewelry, and the wedding band is often the first bit of jewelry they will own.” Men usually ask for something plain, too, Hurwitz added, such as silver wedding bands, but what they mean is a band made from a white metal like white gold or platinum—just not yellow gold. There are many choices in men’s wedding bands from manufacturers, or you can choose a custom ring by a master goldsmith, such as Doug Zaruba, owner of Vortex 13, a gallery on North Market Street in downtown Frederick. It offers hand-fabricated and custom jewelry designs in gold, silver, palladium and alternative metals. One of Zaruba’s most popular men’s wedding bands is Damascus Steel, which involves a process of steel forging traditionally used in medieval weapons such as samurai swords. A nationally known craftsman named Namu Cho makes the rings for Vortex 13 customers. “I love the patina of the steel,” says Zaruba, who wears a bracelet of the material. Guys like the rugged and masculine feel of the bands, he says, which usually have a sleeve of gold or platinum on the inside next to the finger. A Damascus Steel wedding band starts at around $900, says Zaruba. Sharon Ring, a private goldsmith in Ijamsville, says that many of her male clients want very loose-fitting rings on their finger. “As a result, they go to the beach and lose it,” says Ring. She recommends a “Comfort Fit” ring, which has a rounded shape on the inside that makes it more comfortable so it feels less bulky on the finger. She also recommends that a man’s ring have a little heft to it, as a ring that is too thin can actually be bent or damaged. Men’s ring widths usually range from four to nine millimeters. Popular white metals also include tungsten, cobalt and titanium—a best seller for men’s rings, says 10
Bride Guide
A special supplement to The Gazette
for Him
Hurwitz. “Guys like it because it is light and scratch resistant.” Zaruba agreed, adding that men react strongly to titanium because it’s the miracle metal in skis, tennis and backpacking equipment, laptop computers, bicycles and spy planes. “It’s super light and, being an inert metal, it won’t tarnish,” he says. Newer materials for rings include black ceramic bands, ideal for your “fiancé the electrician” to wear on the job because the material doesn’t conduct electricity. Ceramic rings can also be given a non-reflective military finish, making them the only ring material that can be worn by active duty military, according to Hurwitz. If you’re playing sports, working with tools or doing electrical work, you really should remove your ring and set it somewhere safe, says Ring. “Emergency rooms all have ring cutters, but you don’t want your ring causing injuries or making them worse.” You can customize wedding bands in various ways, such as engraving wedding dates or initials around the inside of the ring. The sky is the limit on customization, says Hurwitz, who has done sports team logos on wedding bands. Galleries such as Vortex 13 occasionally do matching ring sets, but many goldsmiths agree that most couples
do not buy complementary bands. A band for her is designed to go with her engagement ring, usually with diamonds and intricate designs, while his band is often plain without stones, says Hurwitz. Guys don’t mind spending the bulk of the ring budget on the bride’s rings, Ring adds. “They’re in love and they want to do whatever they can to make her happy, and that usually means a big diamond.” According to Hurwitz of Colonial Jewelers, titanium is the least expensive ring material and platinum is the most expensive. Hurwitz notes that the price of gold has been quite volatile, fluctuating every week, which affects the price of gold jewelry. Both she and Zaruba say that men’s wedding band choices start at around $200 and can go as high as $2,000, depending on ring materials, the stones mounted in it and engraving. With the traditional wedding season taking place in April, May and June, purchasing a ring should soon top the groom’s to-do list. Colonial Jewelers holds a “Wedding Week” every year in March, when the store is full of wedding rings for couples to buy. Colonial Jewelers and Vortex 13 have goldsmiths on site to size, engrave and create rings, and it usually takes about four weeks for orders.
PHOTO COURTESY OF VORTEX 13 GALLERY AND STUDIO
Jewelry designer Namu Cho's Damascus Steel rings include styles in both 18k/22k gold and platinum. February 2, 2012
Do’s and Don’ts for a Second Wedding BY SHARON MOSLEY
If you’re getting married for the second time, that doesn’t mean you have to have a second-rate wedding. Here are some do’s and don’ts to make a second wedding a wonderful celebration: Do plan your big day together. Chances are your mother did it for you the first time around. Now’s your chance to do it again and get more of your partner’s input. If you’re part of the growing number of couples who are paying for their weddings, it makes sense for you to plan an event that will make you both happy. That may mean compromising—especially if one of you has not been married before and has dreamed of a big church wedding, or if there are major religious considerations. Don’t assume anything. He wants a small wedding; you have dozens of relatives who will be hurt if they’re not invited. She wants just the two of you to sail off into a Caribbean sunset; you want your four children to be in attendance. He wants to wear jeans and a dinner jacket; you want a billowing ball gown. (Yes, it’s OK for the second-time bride to wear white!) Talk about your preferences, even down to the smallest details. Do discuss a special location. This one can be tough. Many couples who remarry do not want to repeat the
scenarios of their previous weddings. The second wedding offers the perfect opportunity to explore other options, and the choice of venue can set the tone for your unique celebration. Whether it’s an intimate restaurant dinner that includes close family and friends, a barbecue and square dance in a barn, or a destination wedding to a castle in Ireland or a wine tasting at a vineyard in California, choose a spot that will have romantic meaning for you both. Don’t forget about budget. Have your heart set on dozens of orchids dripping from the ceiling of a grand tented ballroom? You might want to reconsider after you talk to a florist. Do you really want a ring that costs the same amount as a new swimming pool? If you’re really intent on hosting a grand affair, then hire a wedding planner who can help you set a budget and hire reputable vendors. Otherwise, keep things simple, and concentrate on creating an event that is more personal and won’t break the bank. Do make it joyful. The two of you may just want to sneak away to a beachfront cottage and tie the knot, but that doesn’t mean you can’t mark the occasion with a special celebration for family and friends. Consider having an “after” party at which you can really have fun and not worry about getting to the church on time! Don’t be afraid to break the rules. The American
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wedding for both young and older couples has changed dramatically in the past few decades. There are no longer any tried-and-true “rules,” so concentrate on finding a special way to begin a new life together, and do what feels right for you—not your mother. -CREATORS.COM
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1821228
A special supplement to The Gazette
Bride Guide
11
Avoid morphing into
Bridezilla Ways to reduce wedding stress
BY MARY WADE BURNSIDE
A bride’s to-do list could take her a year to accomplish. It includes not only the expectations of two families, but also the bride’s often long-held, deep-seated childhood wishes for her big day. Is it any wonder, then, that she might feel some stress as she plans her wedding? “There is a general perception that a wedding has to be perfect,” says Larry Stouter, director of Catoctin Counseling Centers, which has offices in Frederick, Hagerstown, Westminster and Thurmont. “Therefore, people put a lot of stress on themselves to accommodate everybody, and families are often difficult.” Stouter, as well as area wedding planners, weighed in on methods of dealing with all the different expectations, family rifts and day-to-day details that emerge as nuptials near.
Avoid family conflicts. “Weddings, funerals and births are major transitions,” says Stouter. “They are points in life that bring opportunity for change but also for underlying pressures in the family structure to emerge.” A typical conflict? “Some member of the family is estranged and hasn’t talked to anybody in a couple of years,” says Stouter. “Suddenly, there is a wedding. What are we going to do? Any underlying animosities are brought up and percolate to the surface….It’s a magnifier for anything that is there and adds to the stress of a ‘perfect event.’” Family concerns, financing the wedding and figuring out who pays for what are among the most stressful components of a wedding for most brides, according to Angela Spencer of Creative Expressions by Angela LLC in Frederick. Weddings should be planned within budget and family members have to be dealt with, Spencer says. An even dicier situation is when whoever is paying for the wedding has a different idea of the budget than those making all the important decisions. “In the planning, I encourage them to make the decisions they want and not let grandma influence them, or great Aunt Susie or the bridesmaids,” says Lexi Schafer of Events by Lexi, which is based in Carroll County but plans many Frederick County weddings. Scale back the ‘perfect’ wedding. Stouter says some plans might have to be curtailed, not only for budget reasons but also to downsize the wedding stress and expectations of a perfect wedding, 12
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which he asserts does not exist. “The first thing I do is try to work with the person to ID all of the irrational thoughts they have in reference to a wedding, like that it has to be perfect,” he says. “People have irrational thoughts about weddings and it’s predominately, ‘This needs to be perfect.’” Not only are weddings imperfect, he says, but couples should realize that weddings are not supposed to be easy. “They are happy, difficult, hard, emotional, intense and exhausting,” Stouter says. “If you can get it out of your mind that it’s supposed to be a good time, you’re not as disappointed and you are more prepared to deal with the actuality.” The second expectation he works on is that of trying to please everyone. A couple should make their own choices, he says, and “it’s the other person’s job to get over it.”
Delegate tasks. “All the details that need to be taken care of in the last couple of months, all the vendors, all the different people you’ve already made contact with, can be stressful,” notes Schafer. “There can be a lot of questions and there are so many little details as it gets closer—little things like putting together programs and favors.” Schafer suggests that brides not hesitate to delegate tasks to friends and families—“like putting the programs together. Get some of the bridesmaids to come over and make a party of it so it’s a fun event and you are getting something accomplished.” During the week of the wedding, there also might be other friends and neighbors to call on, for instance, to
“THERE IS A GENERAL PERCEPTION THAT A WEDDING HAS TO BE PERFECT. THEREFORE, PEOPLE PUT A LOT OF STRESS ON THEMSELVES TO ACCOMMODATE EVERYBODY, AND FAMILIES ARE OFTEN DIFFICULT.” -Larry Stouter, director of Catoctin Counseling Centers
make trips to the airport to pick up out-of-town guests. “That’s a good way to do that and take care of errands that need to be done,” Schafer says. Of course, not all problems can be easily solved by delegating a task or having a fun party to collate programs when everyone doesn’t see eye-to-eye on some of the wedding details.
including a basic checklist that will help keep the betrothed on track so they know when to make plans for specific aspects of the ceremony and reception. “There are so many factors involved in a wedding day—the gown, the reception, families,” Spencer says. “My role is to help her de-stress and to help her out and give her a list of things to do.” Set realistic goals. The bride’s physical appearance, which Spencer lists among the top three stressful wedding components, can be tough. “Sometimes, brides set a goal and want to lose 40 pounds in six months,” Spencer says. “In many instances, that’s not realistic.” However, if a bride begins to lose weight just from all her wedding tasks, “I have to look at myself and say, ‘What am I not doing? I’m not doing enough to take the stress off her.’” Spencer’s advice for her brides: Take some nonwedding “me” time each week. “Walk, work out, read a book, do something to take the stress out of life,” she says.
Take a deep breath. When times get tough, Stouter Hire a professional planner. A couple can plan advises brides to breathe deeply during stressful
a wedding themselves, but a professional planner can help with many details that might otherwise get overlooked or delayed—for example, how far out to call the florist and the band. A good wedding planner may also have to serve as something of a therapist, helping deal with tense moments. Planners such as Spencer of Creative Expressions offer different packages,
moments. “If you change the way you breathe, you reduce your stress level,” he says. But before it even gets to that, scale back the event altogether, Stouter says. “I tell people, ‘Make it something you will enjoy rather than something that is going to stress you out. If you do so much it’s going to make you crazy, try to make the goal enjoyment instead of perfect.”
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DRESSES
Continued from Page 7 Crawford’s boutique holds an annual sale on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Discontinued sample dresses still in the store are marked down to $99 during the four-hour sale. The shop’s springtime end-of-season sample sale runs April 13 through 15. Though the shop is usually closed on Sundays, it will be open Sunday during the sale. Brides should also consider shopping in the evening wear section of a department store. A white or cream-colored evening gown might be the perfect wedding dress. Or, consider renting the dress; some tuxedo rental shops carry a few styles for the bride, too. Elsewhere in Frederick County, a bargain-hunting brideto-be can check out consignment and thrift shops. The Fashion Exchange (www.facebook.com/frederickfashion) on East Street offers upscale women’s clothing. It does not have traditional bridal gowns in stock, but it does carry dresses suitable for members of the wedding party, the bride’s mother, a second-time bride and guests. The Thrift Angel (www.thriftangelshop.com) on Waverly Drive in Urbana carries wedding gowns on consignment. “We currently have about 10,” says owner Anita Burke. “They usually range in price from $49 to $200. Most are not very old. They can be brand new up to 12 years old. People don’t realize I have them.” Burke’s advice to brides: “Shop the thrift stores. These gowns are beautiful to wear for a lot less money. I even have two still packed in their storage boxes.” 14
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PHOTOS COURTESY OF MARIE CRAWFORD'S BRIDAL
Top left: This Allure Bridals gown showcases a fitted sweetheart bodice ruched asymmetrically. The dropped waistline ends in an organza skirt. Above: This satin and organza Mori Lee dress features floral embroidery. It comes in traditional white and in ivory. February 2, 2012
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