z端rich your fat rich step dad who isnt fond of you.
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when travelling in impoverished regions in galling luxury, as I have done, you have to undergo some high-wire ethical arithmetic to legitimise your position. If you can’t geographically separate yourself from poverty, then you have to do it ideologically. You have to believe inequality is OK. You have to accept the ideas that segregate us from one another and nullify your human instinct for fairness.
Edward Slingerland, a professor of ancient Chinese philosophy at Stanford University, demonstrated this instinct to me with the use of hazelnuts. As we spoke, there was a bowl of them on the table. “Russell,” he said, scooping up a handful, “we humans have an inbuilt tendency towards fairness. If offered an unfair deal, we will want to reject it. If I have a huge bowl of nuts and offer you just one or two, how do you feel?”
The answer was actually quite complex. Firstly, I dislike hazelnuts, considering them to be the verminous titbits of squirrels. Secondly, they were my hazelnuts anyway; we were in my house. Most pertinently though, I felt that it was an unfair offering when he had so many nuts. He explained that human beings and even primates have an instinct for fairness even in situations where this instinct could be seen as detrimental. “You still have more nuts now than before,” he chirped, failing to acknowledge that all the nuts and indeed everything in the entire house belonged to me.
We then watched a clip on YouTube where monkeys in adjacent cages in a university laboratory perform the same task for food. Monkey A does the task and gets a grape – delicious. Monkey B, who can see Monkey A, performs the same task and is given cucumber – yuck. Monkey B looks pissed off but eats his cucumber anyway. The experiment is immediately repeated and you can see that Monkey B is agitated when his uptown, up-alphabet neighbour is again given a grape. When he is presented with the cucumber this time, he is furious – he throws it out the cage and rattles the bars. I got angry on his behalf and wanted to give the scientist a cucumber in a less amenable orifice. I also felt a bit pissed off with Monkey A, the grape-guzzling little bastard. I’ve not felt such antipathy towards a primate since that one in Raiders of the Lost Ark with the little waistcoat betrayed Indy.
Slingerland explained, between great frothing gobfuls of munched hazelnut, that this inherent sense of fairness is found in humans everywhere, but that studies show that it’s less pronounced in environments where people are exposed to a lot of marketing. “Capitalist, consumer culture inures us to unfairness,” he said. That made me angry.
When I was in India, a country where wealth and
worked as a policy-wonk for a Democratic con-
poverty share a disturbing proximity, I felt
gressman and his days were spent in the cogs of
a discomfort in spite of being in the exalted
the lumbering Washington behemoth. Beneath his
position of Monkey A. Exclusive hotels require
cherubic, hay-coloured curls and proper job, he
extensive, in fact military, security. As we
detested the system he was trapped in.
entered the five-star splendour through the metal detectors, past the armed guards, I realised
Since then, he has regularly prised apart the
that if this was what was required in order to
clenched and corrupt buttocks of American poli-
preserve this degree of privilege, it could not
tics and allowed me to peer inside at its dirty
be indefinitely sustained.
workings. I asked Matt for ideas that would aid the revolution; his response was, as usual,
These devices that maintain division are what my
startling and almost proctologically insightful.
friend Matt Stoller focused on when I asked him
“No more private security for the wealthy and
what ideas he had that would change the world.
the powerful,� he said. I nervously demanded he
I first met Matt in Zuccotti Park, Manhattan, in
explain himself. He did: “One economist argued
the middle of the Occupy Wall Street protest in
in 2005 that roughly one in four Americans are
2011. Matt understands power: at the time, he
employed to guard in various forms the wealth of
the rich. So if you want to get rid of rich and poor, get rid of guard labour.”
Now let’s get back to Matt Stoller, banning private security and ensuring that I’ll have to
This may be the point in the article where you
have my own fist fights next time I’m leaving the
start shouting the word “hypocrite”. Don’t think
Manchester Apollo.
I’m unaware of the inevitability of such a charge. I know, I know. I’m rich, I’m famous, I
“The definition of being rich means having more
have money, I have had private security on and
stuff than other people. In order to have more
off for years. There is no doubt that I as much
stuff, you need to protect that stuff with sur-
as anyone have to change. Revolution is change.
veillance systems, guards, police, court systems
I believe in change, personal change most of
and so forth. All of those sombre-looking men in
all. Know, too, that I have seen what fame and
robes who call themselves judges are just sen-
fortune have to offer and I know it’s not the
tinels whose job it is to convince you that this
answer. Of course, I have to change as an indi-
very silly system in which we give Paris Hilton
vidual and part of that will be sharing wealth,
as much as she wants while others go hungry is
though without systemic change, that will be a
good and natural and right.”
sweet, futile gesture.
This idea is extremely clever and highlights the
Matt here, metaphorically, broaches the notion
fact that there is exclusivity even around the
that the rich, too, are impeded by inequality,
use of violence. The state can legitimately use
imprisoned in their own way. Much like with my
force to impose its will and, increasingly, so
earlier plea for you to bypass the charge of
can the rich. Take away that facility and soci-
hypocrisy, I now find myself in the unenviable
eties will begin to equalise. If that hotel in
position of urging you, like some weird, bizarro
India was stripped of its security, they’d have
Jesus, to take pity on the rich. It’s not an
to address the complex issues that led to them
easy concept to grasp, and I’m not suggesting
requiring it.
it’s a priority. Faced with a choice between empathising with the rich or the homeless, by
“These systems can be very expensive. Ameri-
all means go with the homeless.
ca employs more private security guards than high-school teachers. States and countries with
He continues: “Companies spend a lot of money
high inequality tend to hire proportionally more
protecting their CEOs. Starbucks spent $1.4m.
guard labour. If you’ve ever spent time in a
Oracle spent $4.6m. One casino empire – the Las
radically unequal city in South Africa, you’ll
Vegas Sands – spent $2.45m. This money isn’t
see that both the rich and the poor live sur-
security so much as it is designed to wall these
rounded by private security contractors, barbed
people off from the society they rule, so they
wire and electrified fencing. Some people have
never have to interact with normal people under
nice prison cages, and others have not so nice
circumstances they may not control. If you just
ones.”
got rid of this security, these people would be a lot less willing to ruthlessly prey on society.”
Matt here explains that at the pinnacle of our problem are those that benefit most from the current hegemony. The executors of these new empires that surpass nation. The logo is their flag, the dollar is their creed, we are all their unwitting subjects.
“People can argue about the right level of guard labour. You conceivably could still have public police, but their job should be to help protect everyone, not just a special class. If you got rid of all these private systems, or some of these systems of surveillance and coercive guarding of property, you’d have a lot less inequality. And powerful and wealthy people would spend a lot more time trying to make sure that society was harmonious, instead of just hiring their way out of the damage they can create.”
Matt’s next idea to create a different world was
fluence is just how much titles separate the
equally cunning and revolutionary: get rid of
wealthy and the politicians from citizens. Ordi-
all titles. “Mr President. Ambassador. Admiral.
nary people will use a title before addressing
Senator. The honourable. Your honour. Captain.
someone, and that immediately makes that ordi-
Doctor. These are all titles that capitalism
nary person a supplicant, and the titled one a
relies on to justify treating some people better
person of influence. Or if both have titles, then
than other people.”
there’s upper-class solidarity. Rank, hierarchy, these are designed to create a structure whereby
Matt is an American, so when it comes to de-
power is shaped in the very act of greeting
ferring to the entitled, he is, let’s face it,
someone.”
an amateur compared with the British. Look at me, simpering to Professor Slingerland. I can’t
I’m getting angry again. Matt’s right! Titles
wait to prostrate myself before his sceptre of
are part of the invisible architecture of our
diplomas. Plus we’ve got a bloody royal family.
social structure. I’m never using one again. If
What’s he going to say about that?
I ever see Slingerland in the street, I shall alert him by hollering: “Oi, fuck-face!” and
“One of the most remarkable things you learn when you work in a position of political in-
then throw a hazelnut at him.
What does Matt propose?
should be calling her Mrs Windsor. In fact, that’s not even her real name, they changed it
“One thing you can do to negate this power is
in the war to distract us from the inconvenient
to be firm but respectful, and address anyone
fact that they were as German as the enemy that
and everyone by their last name. Mr, Ms or Mrs
teenage boys were being encouraged, conscripted
is all the title you should ever need. This
actually, to die fighting. Her actual name is Mrs
allows you to treat everyone as your equal, and
Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
it shows everyone that they should treat you as their equal.”
Mrs Saxe-Coburg-Gotha!! No wonder they changed it. It’s the most German thing I’ve ever heard –
This is a provocative suggestion – particularly
she might as well have been called Mrs Brat-
to those of us who live in monarchies. I mean,
wurst-Kraut-Nazi.
in England, we have a queen. A queen! We have to call her things like “your majesty”. YOUR MAJESTY! Like she’s all majestic, like an eagle or a mountain. She’s just a person. A little old lady in a shiny hat – that we paid for. We
Titles have got to go.
I’m not calling her “your highness” or “your
ing in and giving it to 100 poor families.
majesty” just so we can pretend there isn’t and hasn’t always been an international cabal
Actually, you can stay if you want, they’ll need
of rich landowners flitting merrily across the
a cleaner. You’ll have to watch your lip, Herr
globe, getting us all to kill each other a
Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, some of ’em ain’t white.
couple of times a decade. From now on she’s Frau Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
We British have much to gain from Matt’s titleless utopia.
Come on, Frau Saxe-Coburg-Gotha, it’s time for you to have breakfast with Herr Saxe-Coburg-Go-
He continues: “If this became common, you’d
tha. And you can make it yerselves. And by the
shortly see sputtering rage from the powerful,
way, we’re nicking this castle you’ve been doss-
and increased agitation from the erstwhile meek.
People need to mark their dominance; that is the essence of highly unequal capitalism. If they can’t do so, if they aren’t allowed to be dominant, to be shown as being dominant, then the system cannot long be sustained.”
Matt’s ideas are like the schemes of a cackling supervillain from a Bond movie. At first, they seem innocuous, but then they elegantly unravel the fabric of society. He suggests we start now: “This is something that anyone and everyone can act on, a tiny act of rebellion that takes no money, influence or social status. You just need courage, and every human has that.”
This is an edited extract from Revolution by Russell Brand,
Z- 001 17 MAY 2015 Z端rich. your fat rich step dad who isnt fond of you. extract from Russell brand (Revolution). Dean Ira