Be the anchor in my anxiety

Be the anchor in my Anxiety BY LINDIE NELL

This article is meant to be a gentle reminder to parents to check in with themselves when they are dealing with their child’s feeling of anxiety. I would like to encourage parents to notice how they manage their own feelings of stress and anxiety and to be aware of their responses when dealing with their child’s anxiety. Are you anchoring them with your calmness or are you feeding into their anxiety with overreaction, overprotection, or maybe even being dismissive and pushing them into their perceived stressful situations? Yes, you will still expect them to do certain things, but how should you do this?

There are many reasons why children can develop anxiety but for the purpose of this article I would like to focus on the impact that parents can have. This is a letter from fictional 5-year-old Johnny to his mother.

Dear Mum Today was a big BIG day for me. It was my sister’s first birthday party. Everyone was getting up early this morning and you and daddy were busy preparing for Lilah’s first birthday party. I struggled to put my shoes on and tried to get your attention, but you were in the middle of decorating the cake and I got frustrated with my shoelaces. When I couldn’t struggle any longer, I started to throw my shoes down the stairs, screaming at the top of my voice. The shoes just missed Lilah’s head who was sitting close by. You got really upset mummy, and you yelled at me to stop throwing my shoes around and get dressed.

What you don’t know mummy is that maybe it was not so much about the s hoes at all. Last night I could not sleep because I was really scared of the monster at my bed. You told me not to worry and that there was nothing to be scared of. My heart was raising so fast and I almost thought I could not breath. It took me a very long time to fall asleep. While I was in bed, I also remembered that a boy at my pre-school did not come to school today as he had the flu. I was worried that he might die and that I will die too. And then just before I fell asleep, I started to worry about today. I wondered how many people will

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come, and if I will have to greet everyone. I don’t like greeting people I don’t know; my tummy aches and I just can’t get the word “hello” out of my mouth. I know you don’t like it when I don’t greet people and you will keep asking me to say hello. It is not that I am not listening to you; I am trying to stop my heart racing and swallowing this lump in my throat away and trying to think of a way to run to a place I can hide where nobody can find me.

Do you now what I really want mum? I want you and need you be the Anchor in my storm, even when you can’t see my storm clearly.

How to be my Anchor: I need your guidance to know that you CAN HELP me. Can Calm – The most important thing mummy is that I need you to stay calm. When you are calm, I feel safe. I need you to stay calm because I look at you all the time. I see everything you do and I see your face. I learn from you how to handle my big feelings and anxiety. When you look frightened when you see a dog or run anxiously towards me when I sit on the slide, I will believe that I should be nervous too. Also, when you are very anxious or angry, could you please leave the room for a few seconds and come back in a calm state? Sometimes it helps to do a breathing exercise or count to 10. Attune – To my feelings and connect with me. Ask me how I am feeling and let me know that you understand that it is hard for me when everyone is too busy to help me. Tell me that you can just imagine how scary it must be to see something that looks like a monster in my room. Maybe just taking that 5 minutes connecting with me and validating my feeling will avoid having to deal with more of my built-up-anxietyturning-into-anger-energy a bit later. Nurture – I need you to nurture me and maybe give me a hug or hold my hand and then when my heart is not racing anymore (after listening to your soft calm voice) you can screen the room for funny looking things like my coat hanging on the doorknob that looks just like a monster in the dark. Then you can put the light off and we can look at the coat and have a bit of a giggle at my “monster”. Maybe I will then tell you about my friend with the flu and my fear of dying, and I will know that you understand and will help me. Help Hero – Please help me to be a Hero in this world of big feelings, help me to be brave and strong and give me messages that say I can do this, and that you are there for me and believe in me. Exposure – I need you to expose me to my fears. And yes, mum you should help me to step out and not avoid doing things or going places. If you are over protective and allow me to stay home, then you give me that subtle message that I indeed have a reason to fear. On the other hand, pushing me into doing things might increase my anxiety. It is about slowly leading me. Lead me where I need to go step by step, little by little, always stretching me out of my comfort zone. In doing this I will learn to do it myself when I am older. You can also lead me into a breathing exercise or a calming activity. Problem SOLVE It will help me so much if you could help me to make a plan to manage my fears. When I can’t say hello to new people you can help me to make a plan. Could I start by waving first? You can help me to change my thinking and help me to look for proof or the likelihood of scary things happening to me.

Mummy I know it won’t be easy, but I am just a little different than other kids. You still need to have the same expectations from me as you do for other kids, but just be aware that I just need to take things a little bit slower to get to the same destination. Love you mum! When your child’s anxiety is impacting on his/her school work, family life or life in general you can always get professional help.

Lindie is a mental health clinician at The Heart & Mind Collective and specialises in working with children who have experienced trauma and attachment difficulties. Lindie also works with children with anxiety and behavioural problems. Contact Lindie on 0424 882 013 or visit the website www.heartandmindcollective.com.au

One for the parents to let their hair down!

Calling all hard-working parents, grandparents, and lovers of all things radical! The much-loved, iconic, and liberating rock musical HAIR is bringing an all-star cast to the Central Coast! Put on your bell bottoms, dust off the peace sign sunnies, and get ready to groove to classic songs. Starring four-time Logie winner Hugh Sheridan (Packed to the Rafters) and powerhouse vocalist Paulini (The Bodyguard), this brand-new Australian production is not to be missed.

Marking the 50th anniversary of the original show, The Art House Wyong is thrilled to play host to this exclusive six-venue-only tour. A talented tribe of emerging Australian musical theatre stars, including the Central Coasts own Joe Kalou (In The Heights), make up a stellar cast bringing the legendary story and Grammy ® Award-winning songs back to the stage. HAIR is set in the sixties, a turbulent, anarchic and exciting time in which people were losing faith in the establishment, austerity measures and the Vietnam War. Hippie counterculture, experimentation and

free-love shunned conformity, and the world collectively let their HAIR down. This production is perfect for adults ready to escape into a kaleidoscope of high energy, nostalgia, hit songs, and of course that famous nude scene! This is definitely one to book the babysitter, rally a group of friends, and take the night off to see big Australian stars on stage in our own back yard!

The Art House’s executive director, Anne-Marie Heath said: “We are so excited to bring this 50th anniversary production of Hair to the Central Coast this Spring. With world-class performers and some of Australia’s finest creatives, it is going to be an amazing show worthy of any capital city in the country.”

Ms. Heath added: “We really feel strongly – and it comes through in everything we dothat the Central Coast should experience the best that live theatre can bring, and that the Coast’s audiences deserve the same quality in production as major cities.”

Don’t miss this timeless tale of revolution and radicalism, sure to inspire passion, peace and love in us all. HAIR runs for three-evening shows and one matinee between September 19th and 21st, with tickets selling fast.

It’s time to let the sunshine in!

Thursday 19 – Saturday 21 September TIMES: Thursday & Friday 7.30pm, Saturday 2.00pm & 7.30pm TICKETS: Call 4335 1485 or online at www.thearthousewyong.com.au/whats-on/hair

WARNING: the show does contain full frontal nudity, racial slurs, sexual and drug references