Return of the mac by Beatrice Hatch uploaded: 29042004
The Burberry check is now the fashion choice of the chav classes. But, says Beatrice Hatch, it's time to reclaim it by buying a mac Why waste your time feeling inadequate, fat and poor while you’re shopping for fashionable clothes? Do yourself a favour. Unless you are stick thin, rich, in Milan, with loads of time on your hands, you are always going to feel short of the mark. That’s how fashion works. You look shit, you feel shit, you buy shit. Evil. Followers of mediocrity should rarely find themselves in the same shop as fashionistas. In fact, only when looking for a coat to ride the central line might one graze cheeks with Liam Gallagher or press flesh with Danniella Westbrook. When hunting for something that keeps the rain off and won't wear out. When buying mediocre Key Wardrobe Piece — the Burberry Mac. Talented dampdodger Thomas Burberry’s designing career started out with a shop providing “outdoor wear for local residents” . Mediocre clothes for a mediocre market. He discovered breathable, waterproof fabric gabardine, fashioned it into a trench coat, lined it with plaid and helped the nation keep their clothes dry on the way to work. He understood the needs of mediocre man to withstand inclemency and get on with his job. And, what’s more, after 120 years there’s really no need for Burberry to update that mission statement. The only difference now is that the “residents” are probably local to a Glasgow suburb, in need of their outdoor wear simply because they have been turned away from a club with a “no Burberry” policy. It’s been a cause of bewilderment to most people. How did the inner lining of a bank clerk’s outergarment suddenly become the height of pikey chic? But don’t exhaust yourself working it out, or moaning about the omnipresence of Burberry or boring on about how it is abused. Just try saying “less is more” to a Japanese tourist or a blingbling follower. It will never work. Anyone who owns a sovereign ring is unlikely to sign up to the idea that the Burberry check should be on the inside of a macintosh not the outside of a Cosworth. It is also a waste of time badgering Burberry to smarten up their image. They’re a business, innit. No, the time has come for Burberry to be reclaimed. To be rescued from the bizarre reaches of society it is colonising. And it’s easily done. The mediocre must go out and buy Burberry macs and wear them over work clothes. If enough people do that, the neds and chavs and kevs and tourists and celebs and everyone else who is “larging it” in busy beige will suddenly drop Burberry like a hot turd. The demise is already on its way. A posting on the Burberry review forum reads thus: “I’m sorry to say this but Burberry is 100 per cent tacky. Personally it is really mingin’! Who’d want to walk round in beige tartan?!” Lifetime fan of Eminem Exactly, “lifetime fan of Eminem”. I couldn’t agree more. If looking “mingin’” is a serious concern then Burberry is best left alone. It won’t be long before Burberry is terribly passé. Just last week there was a report that Church’s shoes have been banned in several Doncaster clubs. They are the new white trainer, apparently. Isn’t life odd! Let’s bring Burberry home. Be a part of it. Buy a mac.